#volatilem3

[nekrophoria]

I took the boy to see you today.

Let me rephrase that...I took him to stare at a mound of dirt while I tried to find the right words to tell him that this is all that's left of you now.

There was no service. Not that you would've wanted that anyway. Given everything that happened it didn't feel right to make a big fuss. I just...wanted to get you into the ground as quickly as possible. Thought it would hurt less. But what do I know?

I have no idea what it's like to lose someone. Not like that.

People come, people go. I've never really been affected by that. When our family dog died my Ma told me he went to heaven. When my Ma died she was already more or less dead to me, it didn't change the course of my life in any way.

But now....I don't know. I feel like my life has gone off the rails and it's impossible to get it back on track.

It's hard to explain, to you, to me, or the kid.

I mean, how do you explain this to a kid?

How do you tell a child that what used to be their mother is now rotting in the ground? There really is no nice way of saying that, if I'm being honest.

But...I think he knows. I think he knows a whole lot more than he should.

I can only hope he knows that I'm trying to do the right thing. That there's a lot I'd like to say to him, but can't.

I guess we're kind of similar in that way.

I know you'd call me a coward if you could see me right now. I'd tell you you got nerve to call me anything, you'd laugh, have some witty comeback up your sleeve and I'd struggle to find a good response.

You always did have the last word. Even now.

One last 'fuck you' and then silence.

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