#waaaagh im here. hi

[mechanicalriddle]

the moment weve all been waiting for EXALTED SECRET 2023 BIOS YAAAAAY

Heres my bios for the secret santa ! this years theme is Girls Who Rot, Have Rotted Previously, or Are Rotting Right Now

I like to provide some little details, tidbits, tone and setting ideas in my bios in case you want to draw them in like a little scene; don't feel obligated to get that fancy, though!

without further ado.

Pleione (Plin for short, she/they, roughly equivalent to early 20s) is a Marrow Aspect forged from the remnants of a young royal from a long-forgotten kingdom, resuscitated from the depths of the mausoleum in which her body was interred by (accidental) necromantic means. She's spent the past two decades quietly living on her Anchor's manse-estate, indulging in her passions for art and botany.

Plin is a big chicken who is deathly terrified of conflict and does a lot of screaming and cowering when things come to blows for someone who

Her personality is particular, peculiar, and holier-than-thou. She's got dynastic sensibilities, snobbish and disinclined to associate with 'the proles'. Get her on the subject of one of her special interests, though, and you might find each other fast friends.

Motifs- Plin has an orchid motif on account of the fact that she needs a dose of a special tea made from a (formerly) extinct orchid several times a day in order to NOT DIE. She hasn't died yet. She doesnt know she can come back give her a break. Some other motifs include glass, terrariums, spiders & fireflies; marble & porcelain, old-timey anatomical drawings, delicate floral and baroque patterns; antique-white, minty green, deep purple, and black.

Ideas- If you want to draw her doing something she is equally likely to be found reclining on a huge pile of pillows with a book or with her knees planted in the dirt rooting around in a thorny shrub. She loves to dissect and draw plants and is liable to be found at a desk or behind an easel doing one of those activities

Anima- Currently I am thinking... a grove filled with ghostly-white plants twining over enormous bones (hopefully of the animal variety, but hard to say, really) and probably features giant flowering orchids that are shaped suspiciously like skulls... Also its hard to say but the ground does look an awful lot like meat, and those stringy bits look an awful lot like connective tissue... hmm

---

Desert Fang Grim Devil Lioness (Grim for short, she/her, 36 yrs old) is a renegade Midnight caste former-warlord-turned-backwoods vampire-MILF. upgrades!

Grim was fazed a lot as a child (being pawned off by your family as a slave will do that to you) and vowed to grow up into a woman who Wouldn't Be Fazed By Anything. Having achieved this (with a few notable exceptions), she mostly gets her way by via being larger, stronger, and scarier than as many of her problems as possible. Sometimes problems don't and can't have physical largeness, though, which is annoying.

One of these problems included being counter-merc'd by one of her targets and dying of exposure under the desert sun. She didn't... quite... let this stop her, though. There are people in need of her skillsets, and dying isn't really a disqualifier for their service. She was raised as a deathknight and for several years served as one of the First and Forsaken Lion's most fearsome officers.

Another problem is... More recent. Having run off with her lunar mate and tried to start a family far, far from FAFL's stomping grounds, it turns out toughing it out in the wilds of the North can kind of suck.

Motifs- Pretty normal deathknight stuff. Black iron of the wrought variety, and soulsteel; tattered and blood-drenched fabric, rough-hewn basalt and dark masonry. Honestly got stronger canid than felid vibes, to spite the name. Black-and-red is an obvious throughline but grimy grays and natural tones complete her overall color scheme. Things that are totally inert and lifeless, and will always remain as such.

Ideas- Riding her terrifying steed (basically just a half rotting perma-permafrosted elk corpse with a broken antler), slicing something in half with her awesome reaver daiklaive, hovering over a pot of survival-stew boiling over a crude hearth, walking thru the woods in the dark covered in blood. Or maybe hanging out with her awesome baby (pictured) if youre inclined to draw something... Nicer :)

Anima- A bit stereotypical, I think like. a blasted land with bloodsoaked earth so barren and expansive that it blends with the crimson sky, as well as off in the distance banners that tower like skyscrapers which only flutter by virtue of their enormity. Not even Mela's breath will touch this forsaken place.

Grim is the current wielder of Gorgon.

---

(WHOOPS forgot the tattoos in the second thing but like hell im fixing that at this point)

Last but not least, the Gunstar Autochthonia Girl Hirudana Siithavari (Siithi for short, she/her, 32 y.o.) a No Moon ostensibly still answering to the Deliberative; at heart, a roustabout and a scallywag. She crawled deep into Authochthon's world-body on a suicide mission and then beat all odds by sheer cockroach-style stubbornness, earning her Luna's favor. Also, terrible death-sorcery (necromancy is sort of an unknown factor in our rendition of the Gunstar shard but she somehow managed to make contact with the neverborn and stumble into its practice)

she likes drinking, and gambling, and yelling, and generally being a nuisance. Sometimes a little bit of heart-of-gold shines through, and quite frankly everyone is probably better off with the secrets of necromancy in her hands rather than someone slightly less grounded in reality.

theres more pics of her in her tag if you want to poke around.

Motifs- Bronze, brass, grimy earth tones mixed with bright accent colors. Black leather, studs, needles, teeth. Tubes, pipes, gears, grates and various industrial junk. Worms, bugs, and other vermin. Dankness, darkness, the sickly shadows of Black Non. Smoke-haze and drug paraphernalia.

Ideas- Generally she spends most of her time at the bar, the gym, in her lab, or asleep. you could draw her pumping iron, or taking a toke on a decrepit sofa in her dingy weed-cave (not a literal cave though that would be kind of fun), or sitting at an industrial workbench pouring over a half-disassembled chainsaw. or corpse. or both at the same time.

Anima- Her lower-level anima is kind of gloopy like a lava lamp. Iconic is a swamp with oil for water, populated by mangroves assembled from pipes and black plastic tube-vines, with the moon reflecting brightly on its surface. Her spirit shape is a Buffalo Leech, one of the largest species of leeches (on earth at least). i'll attach a pic of her hybrid form if you wanna draw that instead!

(necessary disclaimer for these sorts of things) youre welcome to take this as an opportunity to do some experimenting but if you don't think you can passably represent a certain characters body shape i would recommend picking one of the other options. thank you!

[sgt-nerd-plays]

Grand Waaagh!

Long time, no battle reports. Sadly, there’s been a bit of a global pandemic going around and being a responsible member of the community, I’ve been avoiding big gatherings that might spread the plague. However, your old sarge has been vaccinated, so with the help of likewise protected people, I was able to get a game in. This time, I was able to bring my ork army. Not just orks, but a whole stompa!

The Stompmost

Game Setup:

The idea was that it was going to be a more casual game where we would bring a bunch of models, play on on oversized board, and just kinda slam minis together with a bit of objective holding as a treat.

I was, of course, playing orks, and bringing 2000 points, plus the stompa. My partner was playing Alpha Legion, and bringing 1000 points. On the other side, we had one person bringing 2000 points of Crimson Fists (Hi Ryolnir!) and another person bringing 1000 points of Grey Knights (Hi, Zuul!) Thanks to Ryolnir for providing several of the pictures used in this batrep.

I brought Ghaz, a warboss on warbike, a weirdboy, five meganobz trukkboyz, a trukk (for carting around said trukkboyz), two mobs of boyz (11 and 14 models in each), a dakka jet, five warbikers, and one of each of the non-HQ buggies, plus an extra scrapjet. Except I’m an idiot and forgot one scrapjet and the dragsta, so I had to borrow a scrapjet from the game club’s cabinet, and a wartrike which stood in for the dragsta. I played as Evil Sunz, though several of the units (the bikeboss and the trukk) were Death Skulls and the dakkajet was painted up as Bad Moonz. I know, I’m terrible, but the rest of my army was wysiwyg.

My Narrative:

Warboss Scragkill Gudluk revved his warbike impatiently. Somewhere there was a scrap, and he was anxious to get to it. However, he’d been separated from his mob. And if that wasn’t bad enough, da Boss had shown up, along with a bunch of red-painted gits.

Ghazghkul Mag Uruk Thraka, prophet of da Waaagh, was giving orders. “Awright, we needs t’get into dis fight quick, so I want you an’ yer other evil sunz t’haul yer guts like they was on fire, you got it?”

“Er, beggin’ yer pardon, but I ain’t no Sunz. I’m Death Skulls!” Scragkill slapped the side of his blue bike proudly.

Ghazghkull responded by smacking him on the side of the head so hard he fell off of the bike and skidded several yards.

When Scrag managed to hobble up and lean unsteadily against the side of the bike, Ghaz asked “What was dat?”

“Er, da red ones go fasta?” Scrag said uncertainly.

“Dat’s what I likes t’hear. Now, we’ll send in da big lad first.” Ghaz craned his neck to look up at the stompa, with its grot rigger crew scrabbling atop getting it ready for waaagh. “I gots a good feelin’ about dis.”

Da Waaagh approaches!

Our deployment zone was in one quarter of the table, minus a nine inch radius from the center. I pushed the stompa up as far as I could. Its only real hope was to get to the astraeus before it lost too many wounds. Most of the Alpha Legion units were in Deep Strike, ready to move in at a moment’s notice.

The Emperor Protects! As does this wall! [Credit: Ryolnir]

The knights player put his entire army into deep strike. The fists player, on the other hand was deployed a bit more defensively than my orks. If only I'd been so smart. He ended up going first, and he immediately popped the stompa. Its work done, the astraeus returned with full honors to its cabinet, where it would do me no further harm, since it was obviously going to be a really short game if it had stayed on the table.

However, this caused some follow-on effects for both of us. Because he'd hidden his stuff, he didn't have angle with a lot of his stuff turn one. On the other hand, I couldn't get anything into charge range that turn, and most of my shooting couldn't target his stuff either. I managed to take out an assault intercessor squad, but that was pretty much it. My partner's maulerfiend was stuck in the back of a bad traffic jam with my warbikers. This meant turn one was spent mostly untangling this while his units got into firing position.

He did have a good firing line on one of my units: The trukk I'd hidden to the side of the stompa, sadly only mostly out of line of sight. It was popped, and I lost one of my trukkboy meganobz on the disembark.

Da Real Treasure Was the Dakka We Found Along Da Way. [Credit: Ryolnir]

I was able to get a couple of buggies into line of sight with his melee infantry, however, and I was able to take out one unit of assault intercessors with my snazzwagon and boostablasta. Meanwhile, my two deffdreads were trundling forward to get their claws on something tasty. At the far side of the board you can see my meganobz trying to get into cover until they could make their way to a scrap.

Bullets! My only weakness!  [Credit: Ryolnir]

The grey knights teleported in, taking the fight to me at the midpoint on the board. Meanwhile, the crimson fists player moved his units forward out of hiding and began taking things down. The buggies folded quickly under some shooting from his speeder and aggressors.

On the other side of the board, the meganobz wilted under the knights' shooting and smites. Ghaz lost four wounds to the psychic onslaught.

Yo yo yo! It’s Grandmaster Dreadknight, and I’m here to rap about how the Emperor saves, novitiates!

However, now it was time for waaaagh! A bit of shooting took out a few of the vanvets, and then the deff dreads ran up and gave the last three a nice hug, turning them into crimson smears.

Where did da humies go, George?

Ghaz, the bikeboss, and the bikers all charged in at the dreadknights. The weirdboy cast fists of gork on the bikeboss, making him right killy.

Hit ‘im in da face! Den hit ‘im in da face harder!

It turns out that seven killa klaw attacks at S14, with extra attacks for each of the originals that doesn't do damage, is a lot. The grandmaster was a deadknight instead of a dreadknight. That robbed the bikers of any attacks, since he was their charge target. But fortunately, Ghaz got full attacks on the other dreadnight. ...Of which two went through, and were both saved against. Some days you get the waaagh, some days the waaagh gets you.

On their turn, the grey knights smote the crap out of the bikeboss and the warbikers, getting them mostly dead and finishing them off in the shooting and fight phases. Ghaz ended up hanging on with a single wound.

Last Ghazp

The Crimson Fist player wasn't idle during this time. He took out the dakkajet with some long distance shooting, then went ahead and removed the two deff dreads, one scrapjet, my squigbuggy, and several boyz. That left me with a grand total of one scrapjet, twenty-odd boyz in two squads, my weirdboy, and Ghaz holding on by a single wound when my third turn came up.

Orks don’t panic. The sweating and twitching is just anticipation of a good waaagh, is all. No one is fleeing, we’re just looking for a better scrap, is all.  [Credit: Ryolnir]

But that was when my allies, the alpha legion, showed up! So secretly, in fact, that no photographic evidence for their arrival can be found. Yeah, none of my pictures from that part of the game came out well. Ultimately, his obliterators and terminators managed to take out the crimson first redemptor. My weirdboy managed to kill the grey knights chaplain, but the surviving justicar of his strike squad was able to deal a fatal wound to Ghaz, finally toppling the Prophet of the Waaagh.

We basically called it there. The grey knights player had to go, so the crimson fist player did his last turn of shooting to see if we'd have even stood a chance. The surviving scrapjet took a surprisingly long time to die, given it started the round with only five wounds left. But when it died, it exploded, and thanks to the careen stratagem, it was able to leave its mark.

Enjoy your mortal wounds, suckers!

Ultimately, it's a little hard for me to analyze the battle too fully. The abortive superheavy duel skewed deployment pretty heavily. It probably saved me a bit of shooting in the first round, but it also meant that I wasn't able to any shooting off my first turn either. Going second definitely hurt me, since it meant the trukkboyz meganobz weren't able to get their full value (though they absorbed a lot of firepower before they died, which probably saved some other units). The maulerfiend never got past the traffic jam until turn three, and the other units he had were too far back to be able to shoot or get into melee.

That left me pretty much high and dry turn two, looking down the barrel at 3000 points without any backup. By the time he popped in on our turn three, I was down to about 650 points, 300 of which belonged to one-wound Ghaz. Even if he’d popped off, it’s unlikely we would have been able to claw our way back out of that deficit. If we’d gone first, waiting until turn three wouldn’t have hurt quite as bad, but as it was, that was two full rounds where I was effectively 1000 points behind the enemy.

In the future, I’ll probably ask that my partners not go quite that crazy on deep strike shenanigans, or at least come in a bit sooner.

All that being said, I had a ton of fun, and it was great finally getting my boyz on the table. I did learn a lot about pitfalls in setting up, how variable some of my units can be, and how to move things fast. I also learned some organization issues, and I'll know how to handle them better. In the future, rather than showing with a stack of double-sided buttscribe sheets, I'll have them singlesided in a binder, so I can flip through them quickly and know where things are.

On the ruined battlefield, the shattered armor of the once-mighty stompa were scattered and blasted. The remains of orks and traitor marines decorated the landscape. The adeptus astartes were the only ones who survived to recover their dead.

And yet, under the hot sun, some of the debris stirred. A massive ceramite plate was thrown aside, and the massive power weapon known as Gork’s Klaw emerged from the wreckage.

[thenuclearweaselhaslanded]

Grand Waaaagh!

Long time, no battle reports. Sadly, there’s been a bit of a global pandemic going around and being a responsible member of the community, I’ve been avoiding big gatherings that might spread the plague. However, your old sarge has been vaccinated, so with the help of likewise protected people, I was able to get a game in. This time, I was able to bring my ork army. Not just orks, but a whole stompa!

The Stompmost

Game Setup:

The idea was that it was going to be a more casual game where we would bring a bunch of models, play on on oversized board, and just kinda slam minis together with a bit of objective holding as a treat.

I was, of course, playing orks, and bringing 2000 points, plus the stompa. My partner was playing Alpha Legion, and bringing 1000 points. On the other side, we had one person bringing 2000 points of Crimson Fists (Hi Ryolnir!) and another person bringing 1000 points of Grey Knights (Hi, Zuul!) Thanks to Ryolnir for providing several of the pictures used in this batrep.

I brought Ghaz, a warboss on warbike, a weirdboy, five meganobz trukkboyz, a trukk (for carting around said trukkboyz), two mobs of boyz (11 and 14 models in each), a dakka jet, five warbikers, and one of each of the non-HQ buggies, plus an extra scrapjet. Except I’m an idiot and forgot one scrapjet and the dragsta, so I had to borrow a scrapjet from the game club’s cabinet, and a wartrike which stood in for the dragsta. I played as Evil Sunz, though several of the units (the bikeboss and the trukk) were Death Skulls and the dakkajet was painted up as Bad Moonz. I know, I’m terrible, but the rest of my army was wysiwyg.

My Narrative:

Warboss Scragkill Gudluk revved his warbike impatiently. Somewhere there was a scrap, and he was anxious to get to it. However, he’d been separated from his mob. And if that wasn’t bad enough, da Boss had shown up, along with a bunch of red-painted gits.

Ghazghkul Mag Uruk Thraka, prophet of da Waaagh, was giving orders. “Awright, we needs t’get into dis fight quick, so I want you an’ yer other evil sunz t’haul yer guts like they was on fire, you got it?”

“Er, beggin’ yer pardon, but I ain’t no Sunz. I’m Death Skulls!” Scragkill slapped the side of his blue bike proudly.

Ghazghkull responded by smacking him on the side of the head so hard he fell off of the bike and skidded several yards.

When Scrag managed to hobble up and lean unsteadily against the side of the bike, Ghaz asked “What was dat?”

“Er, da red ones go fasta?” Scrag said uncertainly.

“Dat’s what I likes t’hear. Now, we’ll send in da big lad first.” Ghaz craned his neck to look up at the stompa, with its grot rigger crew scrabbling atop getting it ready for waaagh. “I gots a good feelin’ about dis.” 

Da Waaagh approaches!

Our deployment zone was in one quarter of the table, minus a nine inch radius from the center. I pushed the stompa up as far as I could. Its only real hope was to get to the astraeus before it lost too many wounds. Most of the Alpha Legion units were in Deep Strike, ready to move in at a moment’s notice.

The Emperor Protects! As does this wall! [Credit: Ryolnir]

The knights player put his entire army into deep strike. The fists player, on the other hand was deployed a bit more defensively than my orks. If only I'd been so smart. He ended up going first, and he immediately popped the stompa. Its work done, the astraeus returned with full honors to its cabinet, where it would do me no further harm, since it was obviously going to be a really short game if it had stayed on the table.

However, this caused some follow-on effects for both of us. Because he'd hidden his stuff, he didn't have angle with a lot of his stuff turn one. On the other hand, I couldn't get anything into charge range that turn, and most of my shooting couldn't target his stuff either. I managed to take out an assault intercessor squad, but that was pretty much it. My partner's maulerfiend was stuck in the back of a bad traffic jam with my warbikers. This meant turn one was spent mostly untangling this while his units got into firing position. 

 He did have a good firing line on one of my units: The trukk I'd hidden to the side of the stompa, sadly only mostly out of line of sight. It was popped, and I lost one of my trukkboy meganobz on the disembark.

Da Real Treasure Was the Dakka We Found Along Da Way. [Credit: Ryolnir]

I was able to get a couple of buggies into line of sight with his melee infantry, however, and I was able to take out one unit of assault intercessors with my snazzwagon and boostablasta. Meanwhile, my two deffdreads were trundling forward to get their claws on something tasty. At the far side of the board you can see my meganobz trying to get into cover until they could make their way to a scrap.

Bullets! My only weakness!  [Credit: Ryolnir]

The grey knights teleported in, taking the fight to me at the midpoint on the board. Meanwhile, the crimson fists player moved his units forward out of hiding and began taking things down. The buggies folded quickly under some shooting from his speeder and aggressors.

On the other side of the board, the meganobz wilted under the knights' shooting and smites. Ghaz lost four wounds to the psychic onslaught.

Yo yo yo! It’s Grandmaster Dreadknight, and I’m here to rap about how the Emperor saves, novitiates!

However, now it was time for waaaagh! A bit of shooting took out a few of the vanvets, and then the deff dreads ran up and gave the last three a nice hug, turning them into crimson smears.

Where did da humies go, George?

Ghaz, the bikeboss, and the bikers all charged in at the dreadknights. The weirdboy cast fists of gork on the bikeboss, making him right killy.

Hit ‘im in da face! Den hit ‘im in da face harder!

It turns out that seven killa klaw attacks at S14, with extra attacks for each of the originals that doesn't do damage, is a lot. The grandmaster was a deadknight instead of a dreadknight. That robbed the bikers of any attacks, since he was their charge target. But fortunately, Ghaz got full attacks on the other dreadnight. ...Of which two went through, and were both saved against. Some days you get the waaagh, some days the waaagh gets you.

On their turn, the grey knights smote the crap out of the bikeboss and the warbikers, getting them mostly dead and finishing them off in the shooting and fight phases. Ghaz ended up hanging on with a single wound.

Last Ghazp

The Crimson Fist player wasn't idle during this time. He took out the dakkajet with some long distance shooting, then went ahead and removed the two deff dreads, one scrapjet, my squigbuggy, and several boyz. That left me with a grand total of one scrapjet, twenty-odd boyz in two squads, my weirdboy, and Ghaz holding on by a single wound when my third turn came up.

Orks don’t panic. The sweating and twitching is just anticipation of a good waaagh, is all. No one is fleeing, we’re just looking for a better scrap, is all.  [Credit: Ryolnir]

But that was when my allies, the alpha legion, showed up! So secretly, in fact, that no photographic evidence for their arrival can be found. Yeah, none of my pictures from that part of the game came out well. Ultimately, his obliterators and terminators managed to take out the crimson first redemptor. My weirdboy managed to kill the grey knights chaplain, but the surviving justicar of his strike squad was able to deal a fatal wound to Ghaz, finally toppling the Prophet of the Waaagh.

We basically called it there. The grey knights player had to go, so the crimson fist player did his last turn of shooting to see if we'd have even stood a chance. The surviving scrapjet took a surprisingly long time to die, given it started the round with only five wounds left. But when it died, it exploded, and thanks to the careen stratagem, it was able to leave its mark.

Enjoy your mortal wounds, suckers!

Ultimately, it's a little hard for me to analyze the battle too fully. The abortive superheavy duel skewed deployment pretty heavily. It probably saved me a bit of shooting in the first round, but it also meant that I wasn't able to any shooting off my first turn either. Going second definitely hurt me, since it meant the trukkboyz meganobz weren't able to get their full value (though they absorbed a lot of firepower before they died, which probably saved some other units). The maulerfiend never got past the traffic jam until turn three, and the other units he had were too far back to be able to shoot or get into melee. 

That left me pretty much high and dry turn two, looking down the barrel at 3000 points without any backup. By the time he popped in on our turn three, I was down to about 650 points, 300 of which belonged to one-wound Ghaz. Even if he’d popped off, it’s unlikely we would have been able to claw our way back out of that deficit. If we’d gone first, waiting until turn three wouldn’t have hurt quite as bad, but as it was, that was two full rounds where I was effectively 1000 points behind the enemy.

In the future, I’ll probably ask that my partners not go quite that crazy on deep strike shenanigans, or at least come in a bit sooner. 

All that being said, I had a ton of fun, and it was great finally getting my boyz on the table. I did learn a lot about pitfalls in setting up, how variable some of my units can be, and how to move things fast. I also learned some organization issues, and I'll know how to handle them better. In the future, rather than showing with a stack of double-sided buttscribe sheets, I'll have them singlesided in a binder, so I can flip through them quickly and know where things are.

On the ruined battlefield, the shattered armor of the once-mighty stompa were scattered and blasted. The remains of orks and traitor marines decorated the landscape. The adeptus astartes were the only ones who survived to recover their dead.

And yet, under the hot sun, some of the debris stirred. A massive ceramite plate was thrown aside, and the massive power weapon known as Gork’s Klaw emerged from the wreckage.

[allstars-apt]

THEY DID IT AGAIN (Smash Reveal Drabble!)

It was that time of the year once again... A new character was joining Smash. With a reveal usually came noise-- and a LOT of it. At the All-Star Apartments, the All-Stars were used to the chaos, but it didn’t mean they necessarily liked it. As per usual, the All-Stars were awaiting the news of whom got revealed inside the main lobby of the Apartment Complex.

“ Gotta hand it to em, “ Sly said as he phased in with a cup of hot cocoa. “ At least this time they let us sleep in. “

“ True that! “ Parappa agreed. “ You guys got any guesses who’ll be our new neighbor? I hope it’s Crash, I really miss em! “

Nate scoffed. “ Yeah well, at this point I’m startin’ to lose hope in the seein’ the lil’ guy anytime soon. I think it’ll be another swordfighter. They can’t get enough of those. “

Suddenly, the doors to the lobby’s entrance were KICKED OPEN. Everyone turned to see the culprit and it was Evil Cole and Needles. Usually, they were pretty quick to laugh at or make fun of whoever made it into Smash, but today the two weren’t happy... quite the opposite. As the clown walked in, he kicked over a vase and roared.

“ WAAAAGH, “ Daxter yelped. The ottsel quickly recomposed himself by climbing back up Jak’s shoulder. With a hand on his hip, Daxter snapped back at Sweet Tooth.

 “ DANG IT, DON’T DO THAT!! “

“ I take it you don’t like our new neighbor? “ Jak said, crossing his arms.

“ ...NO. “ Sweet Tooth was turned away from everyone, but after some silence, he turned around in a snap and gave the news. “ THEY’VE GOT ANOTHER ONE FROM OUR SIDE!! “

Everyone inside the lobby immediately gasped!

Dante stood up from his seat and slammed the coffee table he was at. “ Wait, wait, wait- if they didn’t pick ME, who’s the nobody they ended up with? “

“ THEY GOT ANOTHER FINAL FANTASY FIGHTER... THE ONE WITH THE LONG SWORD AND STUPID HAIR. “

“ Wait- seriously? “ Nate questioned. “ Wasn’t Final Fantasy one of our best hits this year? Are you su- “

Before he could finish his sentence, the treasure hunter was met with a machete towards his face. Nate held his arms up and backed way slightly. “ Geezus, okay! You’re sure, you’re sure! “

“ THEY DID IT AGAIN... FIRST SNAKE, THEN CLOUD, NOW THIS!! DAMN IT, AT THIS RATE WE WON’T GET ANYONE ON OUR SIDE IF WE EVER GET A SEQUEL!! “

“ To be fair, “ Sly said as he reappeared next to Sweet Tooth, leaning on the clown with his arm. “ They’ll probably beat us to another sequel. “

  Sweet Tooth growled and lunged for the raccoon, but what the clown thought was the thief in his hands, was just a dummy. The real Sly was now perched on top of a plastic plant nearby. He took a sip of his cocoa once more before continuing to talk to the clown.

“ Ah, ah, ah. Don’t be like that! If it makes you feel any better, we’ll probably get someone nice like Spider-Man to balance it out once we get a sequel. “

“ Sly’s right, “ Jak said. “ Look, we can’t help what happened. It sucks- but it happened. But instead of moping around about it, why don’t you do somethin’ about it? “

Sweet Tooth slowly raised his head towards Jak, came closer, and began to fondle his hands. “ ...IM LISTENING. “

“ Jaaaaak... “ Daxter whispered towards his pal. “ I dunno about this- “ Jak simply ignored Daxter and placed a hand on Sweet Tooth’s shoulder.

“ Look- you’ve been tryin’ to get these Smashers for a long time. Now, you’ve got a guy on the inside. “

Sweet Tooth’s eye widened. Suddenly he began to chuckle, and eventually turned into a full blown cackle. 

“ Oho.. ohohoho... AHAHAHAHA!! I KNEW YOU WERE GOOD FOR SOMETHIN’, KID! COME ON RED, WE’VE GOT A VISIT TO MAKE!! “

“ With pleasure. “ With an almost smile on his face, Evil Cole followed Sweet Tooth outside the Lobby. 

As the doors closed, Nate turned towards the others and sighed. His palm lay on his face as he uttered a reluctant, 

“ Here we go again. “