#wait actually i'm gonna send this to lauren too For Reasons

[homosociallyyours]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ME! GAN! I got lost in the sauce of manips, and I figured this could be a good gift for you...hope you're having a fabulous weekend!!

OMFG not my favorite ot3?!?!?!!!

Thank you for this and for all the joy and delight you bring me constantly!

And truly, this image makes me want a fic where Taylor played matchmaker for Louis and Harry (featuring pop punk solo artist louis and pop-country crossover mega star taylor as besties and harry as the boyband guy she's publicly dating who WILL NOT stop talking about his crush on louis-- not knowing he's good friends with taylor)

WAIT HOLD ON i wrote a lil thing

Taylor watched Harry for a moment as he stared down at his phone, engrossed in whatever he was looking at-- and listening to, possibly, since he had a single earbud dangling from his ear. She wasn't surprised he was ignoring her; from his perspective they likely didn't have much in common. Their PR romance was being done for a complicated tangle of reasons, from covering for her on and off romance with Dianna and Harry's own dalliances with men to possible musical collaborations and crossovers, depending on how things went with the public, but as far as Taylor knew Harry was likely unaware of most of what was happening on Taylor's end. She'd been doing this a lot longer.

"Is this your first PR thing?" Taylor asked, kicking at his seat when he ignored her.

"Huh?" Harry at least had the decency to look genuinely apologetic. He seemed like a sweet kid. She repeated her question, and Harry shrugged back at her. "Pretty much? Didn't have a lot of pap walks with the last one." He shoved his earbud back in his ear, and Taylor sighed, moving from her seat across from him into the one next to him. He turned to look at her, affronted.

"What are you listening to?"

"Oh-- you wouldn't have heard of him, probably," Harry said, turning his phone screen toward Taylor. She bit back a laugh at what she saw.

"Louis? I've heard of him," she said, genuinely amused that her image was well managed enough that Harry didn't realize she was a hopelessly emo punk weirdo at heart.

Harry pulled his earbud out, studying her carefully. "No shit? What's your favorite song of his?" The way he said it, so overly casual, Taylor could tell it was a test.

"Written All Over Your Face" is one of my favorites off the new album, but "Paradise" is the most underrated." She almost laughed at the genuine shock on Harry's face, and wondered for a second if it was worth mentioning that she'd actually been in the room when Louis was working on one of those songs.

"He's gay, you know," Harry said, narrowing his eyes slightly as if waiting for her to recoil in disgust. She had to force herself not to roll her eyes.

"Yeah, I know," she said, pausing for a moment to make sure that Harry wasn't just pulling her leg. "I am too, you know?"

Harry's jaw dropped. "No shit?!"

"No shit," Taylor said with a shrug.

"Me too!" His excitement was kind of adorable, at least.

"No shit," Taylor said, nodding to signal that this was not, in fact, news to her. At least Harry had the decency to blush about it.

From there, he pulled his earbuds out and spent the rest of their flight talking her ear off about being young and closeted in the industry and-- much to her amusement --about his long-standing, deeply held, and intense crush on none other than her best friend Louis Tomlinson.

She was glad she hadn't mentioned how well she knew him, because if she had then Harry probably wouldn't have shared quite so much. But given that he had, two things were clear: he was absolutely the kind of guy Louis would fall for, hard, and getting the two of them together was going to be very, very entertaining.

[punkscowardschampions]

Sick Kids Group Chat

sonmychest: 🤗 tigerbalm: 👋🧡 tigerbalm: it's been so long! 🙀 how are you?? sonmychest: I know! I suck sonmychest: don't want to be the youtuber spending ten minutes apologizing for not being here though sonmychest: I'm doing pretty good right now, how are you? 😚 tigerbalm: it's a bad day, not a bad life...is what I would caption if I was an instagram influencer or something 😸😸 brainpain: 🦸 speaking for me when I haven't streamed in days LOL sonmychest: 🤭🤭 sonmychest: at least we have reasons for being that #extra that aren't the vague notion of NEEDING a break from taking pictures of our ☕ brainpain: I do spend LOTS of time in a dark room but not for 📸 no flash photography PLEASE 😵 inandout: your feed just updated, Lo brainpain: 👮🚓🚨 sonmychest: stalking or hacking? sonmychest: either way I might need those expertise brainpain: I had a 🌈✨🧁 FIGHT ME, Zachary tigerbalm: it is pretty tbh inandout: friend request, but it's not as if I don't have zero hacking or stalking skills sonmychest: wait, what happened to the anonymity rules??? sonmychest: where's @gotspoons and what have you done with her?! inandout: you missed the overthrowing of a tyrant inandout: not really, but the rule book is gone gotspoons: going to pretend I was summoned by mention, not notification gotspoons: say how you really feel, Zach! 😔 inandout: I said not really, rowboat gotspoons: I have 👀 and 👂 everywhere so you better be nice 😏🤭 gotspoons: but no, hi again, @sonmychest! we missed you! gotspoons: it seemed the whole no names no real life details thing was more of a hindrance than a help to the whole goal of this group, so we came to the conclusion by majority, and the higher ups were all okay with it, providing everyone under a certain age got their parents to sign off and we all used the same common sense we use on other areas of the web gotspoons: so feel free to introduce yourself by real name if you would like, but it's not necessary if you would not 😊 gotspoons: reintroduce, I should say tigerbalm: we shared selfies & everyone was 😻😻😻 brainpain: learned what a sex god @tooexhaustedtolivevicariously aka Rich is sonmychest: 😱😱😱 sonmychest: can't believe I've missed so much sonmychest: need to get better at socialization, my mammy is right 😂 brainpain: an unrivalled love story brainpain: not that he's here to back me up on that inandout: Paris and Helen who? Romeo and Juliet who? Anne Boleyn and Henry VIII who? tigerbalm: wait, those are all 💔😿!! brainpain: he's being a brainpain: insert a swear word of your choice sonmychest: *stage whispers* it's not jealousy though, is it? sonmychest: clearly, fill me in on all the nuances whilst I frantically try to find a picture of myself that's even one 😻 brainpain: he's a 👶 you already know brainpain: but Rich will be leaving me for some uni girl 🤓 so he's not wrong about the doomed part sonmychest: face that launched a thousand ships is a really great insta bio though sonmychest: right, so we have Rich, Zach...who else? gotspoons: Rosie here 🤗 brainpain: Lauren tigerbalm: & me, Robyn inandout: the new girl who started the revolution is Zelda inandout: @ihatemyguts sonmychest: no way sonmychest: a fellow nerd, or at least child-of-a-nerd sonmychest: 'cos I'm Kara and I don't totally hate this photo [selfie] tigerbalm: 😻😻 tigerbalm: you look so like I imagined you, except I thought maybe you'd be 👼 tigerbalm: should we all send new pics? brainpain: [does because any excuse] brainpain: they'll be buried tigerbalm: [a selfie that's even shyer than the first one she sent] gotspoons: [the same photo as before] inandout: if I must [some ridiculous selfie] tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: This is a nice welcome back tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and I've only been to physio brainpain: NOT ready for another selfie drop from you, boy brainpain: I'll be on my fainting couch brainpain: also hi tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Perhaps I should save your 🦴s and my pride when poor Kara, hello again btw, has to pretend to swoon too brainpain: 🦸 has great taste brainpain: we all love a shy boy tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: My teachers undoubtedly wish I were shy, make their lives a lot easier tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: [a photo] here we are anyway, I hope you found a soft surface suitable for you, Lauren brainpain: ☁ tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Ah, so you're the 👼 brainpain: LMAO 😈 brainpain: but you're looking angelic sir sonmychest: how are you ALL so cute sonmychest: this keeps happening, omg tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👼 face hides a multitude of 😈 sins apparently inandout: but reading between the lines, who else is making you swoon/stalk/hack inandout: that's my question tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Well spotted, Zachary 🔎 sonmychest: 🙈 ugh, I'm so embarrassing sonmychest: but we can pretend it's all spilling out now because I played it SO cool in the actual conversation, right 😬😅 inandout: that's the official story, everyone'll confirm sonmychest: thanks, I need the backup so I can also pretend I have lots of friends and a normal social life gotspoons: we are your friends, Kara! gotspoons: though are normal is different from most tigerbalm: & you're coming to my birthday party & even though you have to stand on the other side of the room to Zach, it's still social tigerbalm: OH & we were talking about potentially meeting up!! All of us brainpain: keep it 6ft, children inandout: I'll be in the garden with my date, you can have the indoors with yours inandout: collectively, because we're all speed dating here now inandout: proud of you for picking someone outside this circle sonmychest: GAH so much exciting information today!!! sonmychest: 😁 sonmychest: obviously, I figured no one needed the drama of me falling for you, Zach sonmychest: 💀 not cute inandout: there's already a book and film about it, the chance has been thoroughly missed brainpain: Ignore him, Zelda's nothing but thrilled to find someone else in her age bracket brainpain: 👶👶 brainpain: hit us with your 💞 please sonmychest: well, I didn't just re-log into this chat today, I went on all my old forums because well, boredom, we can all relate, right? sonmychest: what I thought would be the least promising one was the sonmychest: not a dating site, I'm not 100 but you know the kind sonmychest: anyway, the CUTEST boy starts talking to me and he's also really funny and nice ??? tigerbalm: OMG! Did you swap selfies there too? sonmychest: not yet sonmychest: because he sounds so 😻😻 sonmychest: and he wants to talk to me again and he might not if we do tigerbalm: you're 😻😻😻 Kara brainpain: what she said brainpain: + if he's as funny, nice, all of that, as you said brainpain: I doubt he's a shallow jerk inandout: are you a good judge of character or not? inandout: what it comes down to sonmychest: oh, thank you guys! sonmychest: I don't know sonmychest: I think I am sonmychest: he didn't immediately come out with weird requests or weird 📸 of his own and that's a massive start on that site, I was honestly there to 🗑 my account but he changed my mind brainpain: I'll PM you the spooky stories my sister sends me about guys, it'll make you feel better brainpain: you'd know if he was one sonmychest: 🤭 do, can compare notes sonmychest: we honestly just talked about totally normal, nerdy things, it wasn't even a little sketch brainpain: ✉️ + 100000000s brainpain: hold up tigerbalm: that sounds 🧡 & so does this boy tigerbalm: awwhhh sonmychest: [sends the description he sent her slow your roll gal lol] sonmychest: assuming he isn't the archetypal internet weirdo from the 90s scare tactics tigerbalm: WOW inandout: tall, dark and handsome inandout: original sonmychest: okay, I know that covers a lot of bases sonmychest: but someone has to be brainpain: continuing to ignore you, Zach sonmychest: I get it though sonmychest: it's not like I even care what he looks like though, so even if the pics aren't exactly that description brainpain: not every man can be my Rich but doesn't make them 👹/🤡/👻/👽/👥 brainpain: trust your gut, it's not that body part that's failing you tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👹 is a solid representation but the hair needs to be longer tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: at the risk of making myself or Zachary appear like overly protective boys, I think as long as you're as sensible as you surely are with this, then there's no harm in the back and forth tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: so if you were going to meet this person IRL, he could perhaps come to the group meet-up, that would be a good way to do it? brainpain: *🧝🏻 that's what needs to be said about your representation tigerbalm: Great idea, Rich! 😺 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: when the beard comes in I'll look more Gimli than Elrond but I'll take the compliment 👽 babe from outerspace brainpain: who's watching the LoTRs with me? gotspoons: count me out, I'm the worst film buddy ever 😴 ihatemyguts: how many naps could you have in 20hr28mins assuming we're watching everything extended release 'cos duh ihatemyguts: 🥳 go hard or go home 🥳 brainpain: that's you in ihatemyguts: of course ihatemyguts: long since stopped asking for a pause every time I gotta 💩 ihatemyguts: adept at catching up with the plot is a life skill I didn't expect to gain like this but 🙌 gotspoons: 😅 I could do the whole 20hr28mins and that not be a record for how many hours I've slept consecutively brainpain: I'll act it out for you, I can get the 🧝🏼🏹 costume together during the pauses brainpain: dressing up box runneth over sonmychest: 🙋 dibs Arwen sonmychest: my old Katniss cosplay can be repurposed with some bedsheets and a 👸 vibe to it brainpain: that makes Rich your daddy 👀 you, babe sonmychest: 😖😳 nooooooooooo brainpain: I'll be Galadriel if only so I can speak to my man telepathically 💕 brainpain: swerving off book for that love connection ihatemyguts: obviously eye of sauron ihatemyguts: jokes write themselves inandout: hair of a hobbit wig so likewise inandout: and you know, a jew, gonna be the one to handle the 💎 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: How hairy are your feet, a pickup line that doesn't get thrown about enough inandout: not sending you free feet pics inandout: PM for prices though tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Respect the hustle, Zachary tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: but I have clearly pledged myself and my allegiance to an e-girl already 🧝🏼🏹 brainpain: changed my Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim name to Galadriel for you, Richard, you've officially made me basic brainpain: will cite it in the divorce tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: as long as I can proudly produce said divorce to every mouthbreather that calls me a freak, I am okay with that tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: devastated, naturally 💔 but okay brainpain: hit me up for multiple re-marriages at your convenience, I like that for us tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Make a solid livestream 👰💒🤵 gotspoons: I'll get officiated! tigerbalm: imagine if any of us actually did get together cos of this forum gotspoons: You never know, Robyn gotspoons: it would be so adorable 😊 tigerbalm: Kara is giving me hope that online dating doesn't have to be a minefield sonmychest: don't give up yet! sonmychest: you're so lovely, a total catch tigerbalm: there still isn't a blushing 😸 emoji & I NEED it ihatemyguts: a travesty ihatemyguts: who do we need to @ for that brainpain: @fibrofog brainpain: he was a BIG DEAL ihatemyguts: 😏 hoping he comes back and I can 👰💒🤵 him obvs brainpain: 🔺 between me/him/Rich was prime in my life ihatemyguts: glory dayz brainpain: if he doesn't show up to stop our first wedding ihatemyguts: Zach won't even properly date me until we're confirmed #foreveralone at 18 inandout: you don't call this properly dating? inandout: @Kara you've got yourself a hater before your romance has fully taken off ihatemyguts: oi, don't drag me in to your 🧂 behaviour ihatemyguts: I'm very nice, I swear inandout: that's just how I taste inandout: she knows brainpain: if I didn't know my CF facts I'd be calling for a ban brainpain: that sounds filthy sonmychest: first declaring Rich my daddy, now 👅 Zach 😲😲😲 sonmychest: I'm also quite nice but not that kind of nice, I 🤞 tigerbalm: I don't think I wanna know.... inandout: But I'll tell you inandout: when we sweat, we lose too much salt, one of our many flaws inandout: on a hot day, you could lick us and taste it, if we like you enough to let you sonmychest: maybe that can be enough of a selling point? sonmychest: if crush boy talks to me again and it invariably comes up inandout: he might get to see it crystallise on your skin, not 💎 or ✨ but hey sonmychest: such a sexy condition, when you leave out all the mucus inandout: ZZ top is feeling it, she wants to properly date me ihatemyguts: 🧂 is a flavour I can enjoy pretty unrestricted ihatemyguts: let me have some pleasure tigerbalm: do the normies flirt like this too? tigerbalm: Kara you'll have to tell us, when you go further undercover ihatemyguts: don't know how lucky you are to have that pickup line in your back pocket ihatemyguts: just add tequila and a lemon and you've got a good time sonmychest: I'll 100% report back, providing he doesn't go 👻 brainpain: you need a drink when a boy lovingly strokes your hair only to feel the dent in your 💀 sonmychest: but also, to work out if your amazing hair is real or nah brainpain: I have too many split ends to be asked if it's a wig sonmychest: I ✂ my own sonmychest: and not often enough 😅 brainpain: don't reach for the bleach cos Robbie sees you as a blonde, there's my sisterly/old lady advice sonmychest: oh God, with these brows? sonmychest: I can swear I won't do that, along with meet up with internet randos alone brainpain: I'd volunteer to come along but I don't do disappearing into the background brainpain: would wear a trenchcoat for the right 💸💸 gotspoons: Normies definitely TRY to use our disabilities as a way to flirt with us, with varying success gotspoons: the amount of time I spend in bed is nothing to be 😏 about, honestly gotspoons: even if I was also chiming in to confirm blondes do have more fun, when they've had all their vitamins, a perfect amount of sleep, the stars have aligned JUST right... 🤭 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: as resident ♿ user, they most ask if IT 'works', which is a bizarre level of care for people who aren't concerned about how me getting into their establishment really 'works' tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and, my dear, you are a terrible third wheel tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 🔻 suits you better than obscurity 😎 brainpain: but I am a fun time with the TBI having increased the impulsiveness + removing the few inhibitions I did have 😉 brainpain: inappropriate sexual activity is a listed symptom 🤞 boys ihatemyguts: definitely a case of 'okay when I point it out to embolden myself, creepy if you do it' ihatemyguts: think some normies point out their flaws to be endearing but idk, is low-key a disability superpower guys, + 1 for us brainpain: like, what does that mean? Inappropriate for who? Answers on a ✉️ please ihatemyguts: could range from, science, you're being a prude to calling you a master criminal on the low brainpain: so many of my symptoms could describe anyone in their teens or early 20s brainpain: Rich, write a smart boy uni essay on it tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: depending on the bit that gets damaged, could be the same part that isn't yet fully developed in young people tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: checks out 🧠 brainpain: you're SO clever brainpain: you'll be fighting off more than one 🤓 girl tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I'm not sure about that, on either count tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: though the chair is a useful battering ram when it needs to be brainpain: I'm into it tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: then you can hitch a ride, of course brainpain: reserved™ tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: the parking is unparalleled brainpain: not allowed to drive, you are my transport now, no pressure gotspoons: Me either, who can? gotspoons: need to work out the carpool situation brainpain: my housemate will, she owes me 10000s of favours inandout: + my parents tigerbalm: mine too but they're a lot to inflict upon anyone sonmychest: ^^hard same tigerbalm: maybe we get ourselves there unless someone can't? tigerbalm: & those people speak up sonmychest: That makes sense to me brainpain: ok, is there anyone who needs a lift? ihatemyguts: I'm good tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: likewise gotspoons: I'll make a permanent post where people can register interest in the meet-up, as well as need for a lift gotspoons: so anyone who can offer a lift, can respond there too, sound good guys? 😊 inandout: cool inandout: very un-tyrant like gotspoons: thank you, Zach 😏

[adhd-ahamilton]

Lams, either canon era or modern AU, 1, 2, 3, 12, 14, 17, 22, 24, 28, 29, 30 (I'm so sorry, feel free to pick and choose from these haha!)

*cracks knuckles*(These are gonna be historical verse, in the context of my ficlets,unless I commit otherwise!) (Also sorry for the wait!! I actually had almost all of this done one the day I said it’d be done, it was just the last 10% that got me lol.)

1. Who is the mostaffectionate?

Alex. For obviousreasons, he’s usually the one to initiate things. (In fact Johnjust kind of straight up basically never initiates through the earlystages of their relationship, because while letting gay things happenis bad, willingly choosing and encouraging gay things is worse to hisconscience. This, uh, isn’t particularly viable of a relationshipin the long term, though.) But Alex is also just the more physicaland touchy of the two of them in general, and is the one more nervousof rejection and needing reassurance. John needs those things too,but not as much as Alex.

2. Big spoon/Littlespoon?

They both do iteither way pretty evenly! They both probably would have a sliiightpreference for being big spoon under normal circumstances, but it’sreally not a big deal and they’re mainly just happy to be close(and warm).

3. Most commonargument?

Heh, I’ve beenthinking about this kind of thing lately but I haven’t quitesettled on much? They definitely seem to be pretty similar people whounderstood each other really well so I feel like they’d be on thesame wavelength a lot. And from the letters they seemed to be prettygood at dealing with each others’ emotions, particularly Ham withLaurens’ depression. But, they both did seem to have various issuesgoing on with their emotions in general, and they were both verypassionate and hot-tempered people with a penchant for being blunterthan they really should. (Also, like, I always imagined Ham being theone to immediately go for the jugular in arguments, but Laurens isthe one who responded to a very mild and possibly imaginary farewell from a good friend by just fucking going off at him about every reason whyhis political views are terrible, so... IDK man.)

So I’m not toosure. Clearly, the situation they’re in as a couple is not an easyone - any people would have to work hard to keep it a positive thingunder those circumstances. Add in that there’s a war going on, andthey’re working day and night and regularly risking their lives,and everything else about the time period... there’s a whollle lotthat would make people frustrated and argumentative.

Though I do thinkthat they probably had at least a few heated discussions aboutpolitics, which may or may not have involved them actually agreeing,but not realising until half an hour in, because they both just takesuch staunch and antagonistic stances.

12. Who initiateskisses?

Alex, for thereasons above~ (Some of the happiest moments for him are the fewtimes John initiates one!)

14. Who kisses thehardest?

John, once he gets abit settled into the relationship. Alex has many reasons to kiss, andkisses in many different ways, but for John, Alex is the first personhe’s kissed who he actually wanted to kiss (with Kinloch it wasessentially handjobs and not much else), and the significance of thatis not lost on him. Kissing, to him, is important.

17. Who says I loveyou first?

Honestly, John isprobably the one who first uses the word in the broader sense ofloving his friend. Alex is definitely the one who uses it first in aromantic sense - aaaaand that’s something that’s gonna happen inan upcoming ficlet, so I shouldn’t say too much more. :P

22. Who cooksmore/who is better at cooking?

I don’t know toomuch about this, but I think that, historical verse, neither of themwould really cook? Like John wouldn’t, obviously, but IDK whetherHam ever really would, either?

So modern AU answer:John doesn’t cook. Has never cooked. Lacked, in fact, the kind ofearly exposure to cooking that teaches you normal common sensethings, like the kind of general temperature range you cook things inan oven at, or to put oil/butter in a pan when frying stuff. He findsthis very embarrassing, but doesn’t really want to practice,because it is very embarrassing and also he doesn’t want anyone toknow. He could give you a decent explanation of the effect ofclassism and the way privilege has allowed him to lack the knowledgeto prepare something he has consumed multiple times a day for hisentire life and needs to survive, though? Which is almost the same asactually knowing how to cook?

Alex DOES know howto cook because, of course, he lacked that privilege. I’m moreshaky on Alex’s background in Joy to the World verse but hedefinitely had extended periods of needing to cook for himself. So hecan mainly cook standard Western individual meals, as well as some traditional PuertoRican stuff he remembers learning from his mum. He’s not, like,super great at it, though? He doesn’t actually enjoy cooking allthat much. It’s just kinda boring to him. And he’s never greatwhen he has to work at someone else’s pace. So he mainly just makessimple stuff. And, y’know, hasn’t always eaten properly, becausea) it’s cheaper, b) he has ADHD and that’s just kind of a thingthat happens when you have that.

24. Who whispersinappropriate things in the other’s ear during inappropriate times?

A L E X. John canbarely bring himself to say normal relationshippy stuff, heh -there’s no way he could bring himself to this. Alex, on the otherhand, would definitely do it. And in fact, given his tendency ofmumbling to himself as he thinks, I feel like he’s the type whowould, if he lets his guard down, just end up muttering streams ofexplicit nonsense during sex.

But I also thinkhe’d do it deliberately? Their experiences with sex are very verydifferent. Alex has had a lot of experience to do it and figure outwhat he enjoys and how to have good sex with another person andexperience pleasure. John...hasn’t. So I feel like Alex would wantto talk a bit, to like, reassure him of the good aspects of it, andhow he’s enjoying it, and to give a lil bit of guidance.

28. What do they dowhen they’re away from each other?

Not very well, bythe sounds of it.;; Which, y’know, again: it’s war. Andcommunication is limited to sending letters back and forth. So it’spretty reasonable.

In general,though... Alexander tends to experience extremes in his emotions, andtends to get very anxious about the people he really cares aboutabandoning him, or not loving him as much, etc. So he tends to obsessa bit when separated from the people he cares about. Definitelycomplains to at least Lafayette and probably just to the peoplearound him in general about the unfairness of it all and how much hemisses him. But at the end of the day, he still has a hell of a lotof work to do, so he does still get on with things.

John, on the otherhand, is pretty much always fighting against rising tides ofdepression in him, and during the war is one of the worst periods forhim. So when things go wrong in general, his brain’s first responseis usually ‘oh. well, I should’ve known. Nothing good ever happensbecause I don’t deserve to be happy and this is just the way theworld is.’ It’s already deliberate work for him to be happy withAlex and in their relationship; when they’re separated it gets alot harder. So he mainly gets sad and distant. But, again, he’salso a very diligent person and he always manages to pull himselfinto working p much as normal, unless the worst of the apathy takesover.

29. one headcanonabout this OTP that breaks your heart

I can never stopwondering what Hamilton must have thought and felt post-Combahee. Wealready know that he was aware that Laurens was tempted by the ideaof suicide. I can’t imagine he wouldn’t have learned of thecircumstances of his death. I wonder what he thought about it. Did hewonder what impact he had on it all? Whether he should have saidmore, or said different things? Or left him alone altogether?

30. one headcanonabout this OTP that mends it

I’m glad that Hamilton didn’t die, then. There’s this strong temptation in all of us to romanticise death, especially in the context of romance - I mean, that’s part of the reason why the Achilles myth still affects people so badly today, right? But death isn’t honorable or glorious or romantic. It’s awful. I’m glad that as sad as he clearly was, he was still able to keep living and being happy and having a whole bunch of children he clearly loved. Even if Hamilton made a lot of mistakes in his life as well, and still died too young, I think Laurens would be really satisfied by how much he did even after his death.

And even before that, they affected one another so much. Who knows how much harder things would’ve been for Laurens if he hadn’t had Hamilton there, reassuring him that he was loved and good and helping him to manage his depression? And it’s so clear how much Hamilton changed by being with him - becoming so much more open to other people. They were so good to one another in their lives. Even if it was cut terribly short, it was still so important. And now, 200 years later, people are still learning about this relationship and being inspired and comforted by it. That’s really wonderful! I mean... in a way, it’s lasted for not just 5 years, but 200, hasn’t it?