#watched a sad video about rats in an experiment so I wanted to draw some happy ones

[douxmae]

Some lil rat sketches

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #424

“got no superspeed, but i’m running this town”

What is the first line in the song you are currently listening to/last listened to? "I’m running out of time; I hope that I can save you somehow.” Are you an easy lay? Not in the slightest. What was the last reason you cried? Life and how inexplicably I'm failing at it. What’s hurting you right now? More like what isn't. Do you remember important dates? Only some. I'm awful with numbers. Do you own anything with the Playboy Bunny on it? No. Do you own a bean bag chair? No. Have you ever played Gamecube? At a friend's house. Have you ever played with toy cars before? Yeah, with my nephew. He LOVES monster trucks. Have you ever touched a caterpillar? Oh, definitely. I loved picking them up as a kid. What is your favorite kind of salad? Just plain 'ole iceberg lettuce with ranch, really. Are you any good at Ping-Pong? Holy hell no, I SUCK. What was/is your high school mascot? A firebird. Can you make cute little animals by folding paper? God no, I'm awful at origami. Like, I have zero concept of how to do it. What kind of music do you like? Various types of metal and rock. Do you like apple juice? Yeah. Do you like to draw? It's funny, like I do love it, but I barely ever do it because I get frustrated when I can't get what's in my head onto paper. What do you put on your french fries? Generally ketchup. How many people can comfortably sleep in your bed? Two. Do you want to have a big family in the future? I don't want kids, just pets. Probably a lot of pets. Is Vegas one of your must-see places? No. Pet rat: yay or nay? I've had multiple pet rats and I adore them. I've come to find I'm not the best at keeping rodents because changing the bedding so much sucks ass, but nevertheless they are fantastic pets for people who don't mind the maintenance. Would you call yourself a writer? Written any stories lately? Yes. I haven't written in a while, though. I just have absolutely zero motivation to RP. Are you good at reading people's body language? I probably overanalyze it, really. Ever threatened somebody and actually went through with it? I don’t threaten people. Does holding newborn babies scare you? Extremely. I feel like they're made of thin glass. Piercings: yay or nay? I LOVE piercings. They add an interesting touch to your appearance and to me just (usually) look super cool. There are very few piercings I don't like. Do you have a collage of pictures in your bedroom? No, but I want to make a motivation board very badly. Favorite Nicholas Cage movie? Ghost Rider. Were video games better in the 1980s, 1990s, or the 2000s? Why? '80s games bore me honestly, but I love some '90s and many 2000s games. I've got to say ultimately newer games win, because of graphics increasing immersion (no, I do not whatsoever believe graphics are everything or always make a better experience), voice acting improving immensely, etc. Have you ever watched The Beverly Hillbillies? Yes! Mom loves it so I used to watch it a lot with her as a kid. I'd still watch it. Did your mother ever sing lullabies to you when you were younger? Yes. Are you ready to get out of this town? I HATE THIS TOOOWN, IT'S SO WASHED UUU-UP, AND ALL MY FRIENDS DON'T GIVE A FUUU-UUUUUCK god hell yes get me the fuck out. Do you know anybody that is pregnant right now? Quite a few. What are you listening to? "Superluv” by Shane Dawson. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket? No. Does your father have any facial hair? Yes. Did your grandparents teach you anything? My maternal grandmother, the only one I really ever knew, taught me I'm a disappointment, pretty much. And a bitch. Do you want/have a Bachelor’s degree? It'd be nice to have one, but I don't, and I'm not pursuing it again. I've wasted enough of my parents' money. Are you into superheroes? Who’s your favourite? Not seriously, but I enjoy them well enough. I like Spider-Man. What did you have for dinner last night? Mom ordered Mexican. I had two shrimp and cheese quesadillas and rice with cheese. Do you think you look similar to your siblings? No. Have you ever played Cards Against Humanity? Did you like it? Yeah, it's fun. Do you know your best friend’s middle name? Yes. Are you close to your father? I am. Have you ever had a serious conversation with your dad? Yeah. Would you rather have long or short hair? I enjoy having short hair way more. Who did you go/plan on going with to prom? I went with Jason twice. Have you ever been to a debate and speech tournament? Hell no, and I never would. Arguing makes me cry lmao. Are you someone who enjoys stand-up comedy? Yep. What’s one thing that scares you about living alone and being independent? A lot of things do, but one thing in specific that I fear is that I let the house become cluttered and messy. I'm so shit at cleaning, especially when I'm depressed. It's why my own bedroom isn't even fully decorated, and we've lived here since I wanna say last November. If someone offered you an all-expenses paid trip to one European country, where would you go and why? Germany, 'cuz I enjoy the culture and would love to try some foods and visit places. Have you ever won anything on the lottery? No. Are you interested in the World Cup? I couldn't possibly care less. What’s the longest time you’ve ever been on a plane for? Idk. Do you let your hair dry naturally or do you towel-dry it or blow dry it? I use a towel to dry it some, then let it really get the job done naturally. How many of the Harry Potter books have you read? None. Who last gave you their number? When I posted on Facebook about going on a mental health hiatus, my good friend Alon messaged me her number if I ever needed to talk. I was really thankful. Are you often the last one to understand a joke? Honestly yeah. I'm slow to grasp a lot of things. Your first black eye: Did you give it or get it? Never gotten or given one. Have you ever slept in a tent, indoors or out? Yes to both. Are you mad right now? I'm annoyed, but not mad. Are you allergic to nuts or dairy products? No. Has anyone ever called the cops on you? No. Do you ever actually drink milk alone? Yeah, I love milk. Do you have a sensitive gag reflex? It is EXTREMELY sensitive. What was the last situation to upset you? I'd rather not talk about it. Have you ever had an online argument? I have been heavily active on the Internet since I was like, 11. Maybe younger. I have been in plenty. Are you at risk for any medical issues? A lot of heart problems run in my family. I'm also suspicious I may develop diabetes, which also runs very heavily in my family. What were you doing at 7:00 a.m.? Surprisingly, I was asleep. Do you own a robe? No. What would you consider your life to be? A wreck. What is your favorite mark of punctuation? I like question marks. Who knows your biggest secret? Nobody. Do you think anyone has feelings for you? Probably not. How do you know? I just doubt it. I'm so unlikable right now. Could you go a day without eating? I don't think I could. I do not react to stomach pain well, and that includes when I'm hungry. How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? None. What’s your favorite drink? Strawberry Sunkist, but I don't allow myself to have it. I will DESTROY a can or five of it. Who was the last person that texted you? My mom. What are you craving? Nothing really right now. What was the first thing you ate today? An everything bagel. What was the last type of meat you ate? Pork. Have you taken any medication today? Yeah, I take some prescription meds in the morning and at night. Have you ever been to Hawaii? No, but that'd be cool. Do you know anyone who has diabetes? My mom, for one. Have you ever made a boy cry? Sadly. Who are you talking to? Nobody. Do you think you’ve ruined your chances with someone? Absolutely. Your parents split; would you want to live with your mom or dad? My parents are divorced, and I stayed with Mom. Would you strongly prefer to go out with someone of your own skin color/racial background? I couldn't care less. For you personally, is abortion an option in case of an accidental pregnancy? For others, absolutely. It's your right. For me myself, it's possible, idk. If I was God forbid raped, I probably would have an abortion. If I accidentally got pregnant in a healthy relationship, I'd probably have a "too bad, so sad" outlook where I'd suck it up and go through with the gestation because having sex and risking pregnancy was my own decision. Even if I'm pro-choice, I think I'd feel too guilty aborting, especially with the child being someone's I love. Is it a requirement that you communicate every day with your significant other (via phone, text, in person, whatever)? IF I had an s/o, no. I like to, but sometimes you just want space. Are you fetish-friendly? I'm not gonna lie, some fetishes are just too fucking weird for me. I TRY not to judge, because I doubt you can actually help fetishes, but I inevitably do sometimes. If you're asking would I engage in fetishes because my s/o liked them, possibly, but it would really depend on what it is. Have you ever cosplayed? No. I think cosplay is really cool, though. Do you support the exploration of outer space? If yes, would you consider taking a trip into space, or even to another planet? As creatures who crave knowledge and understanding of our universe, I do support space exploration, but I do NOT believe we should be spending as much money as we do on it. Taking care of the planet we're actually on is far more important imo. I wouldn't personally go to outer space. Is it okay for men to wear makeup? What’s your opinion of male crossdressers? It's totally okay! Guys with makeup can be super attractive. Crossdressers, too. Go for it. You’re in a new relationship and your partner admits that they have had 14 sexual partners. Does that sound like a lot to you? For me personally, yes. I don't even know if I'd date someone with 14 past sexual partners, honestly. I would admittedly question their loyalty. Would you let your children under 13 watch movies with full nudity? No. If someone asked you, “What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?” would you know the answer right away? I would. What is your opinion concerning strip clubs? Not my scene at all, but so long as you respect the dancers, whatever. You do you.

[spongebob-connoisseur]

i know this is mainly a spongebob blog but just curious what’s your other interests? 🙂

Oh I wasn't expecting this 👀 you've opened a can of worms anon!

Hmm spongebob consumes my thoughts a lot of the time but I do like anime. My favorite genre is the magical girl genre which I can't explain why but it's a lot of fun. My favorite magical girl anime was/is cardcaptor Sakura. I adored it as a kid. It got on Netflix during the summer and uhh it changed my opinion. Watching the original dub was shit, it cut out all sorts of details and stuff of the show but watching the true og show. Its messed up. It's weird because I'm between both liking it and hating it. There are still things I like about it but also left a sour taste in my mouth. If there could be a redub where they take out the weird shit would be nice. So anyways futari wa pretty cure is now my new absolutely favorite😔

Other anime I watched was soul eater, I recently finished it. I've been wanting to see it since I missed out seeing it back in middle school and well I adoooore lord death. Also I'm currently watching the 3rd season of Osomatsu-san. The show has been my favorite for years now. It's so rewatchable. My favorite trio of the matsuno boys is Karamatsu, Ichimatsu, and Choromatsu.

I also really like Jojo's bizzare adventure. I remember in high school finishing up rose of versailles. The ending was so sad and I wasn't over it yet. I was still attached to all the characters and my friend was like "you know what you should watch? Jojo" she now admits that was terrible advice and that she doesn't know what she was thinking but I think it was a good idea. Rose of versailles takes place in 18th century France I think? And Jojo begins in late 19th century England. The themes kinda felt close so it was easy to transition into except Jojo was really comedic and enjoyable. Speedwagon is best waifu.

I do recommend Rose of Versailles. It's so dramatic and extra. The sheer drama of avoiding talking to someone for weeks but then being forced to wish someone a happy new year and then having a mental breakdown?? Good shit.

I enjoyed cartoons a lot for a time. Like Steven Universe, Gravity Falls, Adventure Time and Infinity Train, over the garden wall. I've sort of fell out of love with cartoons? The fandoms are so toxic that it makes it hard to enjoy. I know that fandoms don't ruin the show itself but definitely takes away from the experience. I enjoy discussions of shows and the vibe gets killed by the sheer bitterness and fake woke hot takes of people. I can talk a lot about this but I don't really want to.

I still kinda want to watch owl house. Maybe when it gets added to Disney+.

Some cartoons I liked a lot is Ruby Gloom and the 90s spiderman cartoon.

The 90s spiderman cartoon is crazy. I recommend watching. It has better continuity than most anime with the most craziest plot lines?? I can't believe it. The 90s marvel cartoons was the original MCU. The 90s spiderman finale episode is the original Into the spiderverse. I looove this show. It was my first favorite show before Spongebob.

I enjoy music, I've mentioned before my favorite genre is horror rock. I like the ghastly ones but I really adore creature feature. They're my favorite band of all time. I can go on talking about them or their side project Rufus rex. I also like oingo boingo. I like to draw Danny elfman in his oingo boingo days or his cool demon costumes. I also like Alesana? Each album is like a story that goes together so its fun to put them together and figure out the whole overarching story though I think they already published a book about it but I never came around to reading it yet. I also like Siouxie and the banshees, Leslie Gore, lemon demon, Cab Calloway, dead or alive. There are some bands I do like that are a bit problematic that I wouldn't recommend. I'm not paying for it but I feel like it would still contribute to them if I said I liked them or something.

I've mentioned before I liked a lot of Tim Burton movies which is true. I don't like him though as an individual. It kinda hurts how he said people like me don't fit the aesthetic of his movies and I grew up adoring his movies and aesthetic and everything. I think it's crazy. Anyways if you want to watch some for free just type "x movie name google drive" now you can enjoy all his movies without paying for it.

Anyways Danny Elfman made all his movies 💅 💅

My favorite movie from him was the live action Alice in Wonderland movie which I know isn't the best quality but nostalgia?? This movie hits different and I can't explain why. I also liked batman returns.

I like other movies like Coraline, and other movies.

Persepolis is one of my most favorite movie of all time. I also enjoy the persepolis comics. Idk it just hits so hard, its a biography of the author in comic form but her experiences was so relatable. I very much recommend.

I like studio ghibli movies, and anything under the genre of horror comedy. I'm a huge softie who likes soft cute things like I watched beetlejuice movie and I latched onto Adam and Barbara hard. Partially because I crushed on both but also because they were too cute. A couple that doesn't follow usual marriage stereotypes and genuinely loved each other? And how much they love their daughter Lydia?? How much they protect her like she was their own? My heaaart. I don't like the musical specifically because of how hard they nerfed them. I also watched the fly because Geena Davis was in it and she's just super pretty.

I like watching the Lupin the third movies.

I like vintage movies like Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton. My friend joked about how your parents introduce these movies to you because vintage movies were things they watched in their home country. Yeah that's pretty much it.

Also vintage horror movies. Have you ever seen the 1930s Dracula with Bela Lagosi? Its more funny than scary. Renfield got yeeted down the stairs.

I also like fashion. Some styles I like are from the early 90s, the 80s and 40s. I like the big shoulder look. I actually got my mom's leather trenchcoat from the early 90s with shoulderpads and I really love it. It's so extra but fun.

I also love cats, rats and corvids. Cats are free serotonin. Rats are super cute. Crows, ravens and magpies are all cuties. Its hard to pick a favorite from them. If you're friends with me then expect to be spammed with videos of crows, cats, and rats.

These are things I could think of off the top of my head. Its pretty much rambling but I hope you enjoy💜😜

[chucksandjeans]

2020 in Review and Goals for 2021

This has been a challenging year. I say that with the utmost respect for people around the world who have had it way worse that I had but, in all honesty, it’s been tough. I don’t know how many times I’ve tried to separate out the days from the months and the weekends from the weekdays. For this year-end review, I thought about going off on a rant. That would have been easy because it was a sh!t year. But, I decided against that. The previous sentence will be the only and last negative thing I’ll pen in this entry because I truly believe that 2020 delivered many moments of positivity and hope for a world that was growing increasingly disconnected. Let’s put the sad stuff away. This means putting aside COVID19, the passing of icons and visionaries (RIP Kobe, Chadwick B, Sean C, RBG, George F), forest fires, political dohickeys, etc. For the first time in many years, humankind was up against common enemies and it united the world. The most uplifting part of 2020 was worth seeing, even if it meant we all had to see it from afar.

My daughter was born in January and I am grateful to see her grow up every single day. She was born the day just before the first COVID19 patient arrived at the very same hospital she was born at. Lucky much! I originally had plans for bachelor parties, work trips, going to the office (which seems outrageous now) and many other things, but I would not trade any of those for my daughter’s time. It has been incredible to share in Leia’s every day with my wonderful wife and mother of my child. I am lost for words when I think about how I will likely spend less time with my next child(ren) when life goes back to normal (fingers crossed). The three of us became closer than I could have ever imagined, and we built those memories in our first home. This home has an abundance of memories of 2020 and I am thankful for this house for keeping us safe, warm and loved. 

RELATIONSHIP - A

Staying at home with a newborn was tough but rewarding for Celine and I. Many friends, family and literature conjure up how draining it is on a relationship to raise a child. It is indeed personally draining physically and mentally, but it is not draining on our relationship. In fact, it has strengthened our relationship. I continue to be impressed every single day with this woman who has brought strength, kindness and patience to our child in addition to being a fantastic partner to me. We were unable to climb big physical mountains this year but we certainly are scaling the mountain of life in a more coordinated and stable fashion than ever before.

PARENTHOOD (new category) - B

Being a father is difficult. The fun stuff is easy - playing, tickling, carrying - but almost everything else is hard. This applies to feeding, pooping, wiping, teaching, and anything else you can think of. I have the basics downpat but I must admit that my ‘intermediate’ parenting skills are lacking. To make up for it, I have read a few books that talk about parenting best practises but I realized that these books are just opinions of other people. There is no one obvious parenting method that trumps all else. I kept the baby alive this year and as the years go by, I’ll need to come up with some specific principles to live by so that I can pass the right values on to her.

FAMILY - A

There have been limited chances for this category to shine in 2020 with various lockdowns in place. I can probably count how many times I have seen family on my toes and fingers and it’s been a constant battle in my head of whether I should listen or not listen to public health guidelines that are telling everyone to not mingle with those outside of your immediate household. During the lockdown, is it better to see family or not see family? Should we just see them anyway because we are family, but risk infection and super spreading? Is one good and the other bad? I don’t know, but for the most part, I have done what I think is best to protect my family, even at the expense of loneliness. I hope that I made the right decision(s).

FRIENDS - A+

With the backdrop of 2020, I think I did a splendid job with friends. I have delivered on my goals of reaching out to friends as much as possible and “hanging out” virtually to play games and chats. I organized a few outdoor gatherings at parts when the lockdown was lifted in the summer. I did good.

CAREER - A

I embarked on a new journey in 2020 and learned new skills and gained new experiences. It was a rewarding year for personal and professional growth. I am proud of myself for managing the fast-paced and always-reorging style of Square. Case in point, I am working for my third manager already in only 12 months in my role. I’ve managed to build strong relationships and inched closer to gaining clarity on my ambitions.

TRAVEL - A

We did a fair bit of exploring in 2020. Despite not being able to travel very far, Celine and I took it upon ourselves to maximize the opportunities that we had. I have let go of my prior country counting practise as I learned that what’s most important about traveling is experiencing new cultures and seeing new things off the beaten path, no matter the country. We became tourists in our own neighbourhood, Toronto and surrounding areas, Prince Edward County, and Bruce County to hike and see everything we could, all while lugging our growing baby. We used a stroller, a front baby carrier, a back baby carrier, and a shoulder baby carrier, hoisting a bag of Leia’s clothes and stuff to see what we could. It was a great year to get used to traveling with a baby. We are ready for international travel once the pandemic is over.

HEALTH - B-

I started a habit with Celine last summer of sharing, just before bed, three things that we are thankful for that day. We call it ‘daily affirmations’. We have built this into daily routine and it has worked very well to inject positivity into our day. Other than this mental wellness commitment, my overall physical health regime was tossed out the window with COVID19 and no access to a gym or proper equipment. I blame COVID19 but I really can only blame myself. I learned that I am very much a gym rat that enjoys quick bursts of workout in 45-60 min sequences. This can be bench press for 3 sets of 10 and squats for the same, but asking me to do HIIT or workout videos in my house with light dumbbells or bodyweight exercises just doesn’t do it for me. I have been bad at adapting to new workout regimes.

FINANCE - A

This year was great for the finances. Not having any ‘extra’ expenses, like vacations, in-person shopping and dining, our spending has never been lower. Celine’s been on mat leave and, surprisingly, despite lower family income, our budget has been healthy. Square stock also did well which delivered unexpected surprises, but this was serendipitous so I am not giving myself credit for that one.

PERSONAL - A+

I had a lot of time this year to “do me”, with the lockdown and all. I did not take as much paid-time off as I would have liked but in the time that I had, I was able to think deeply about my life and what I want to achieve. That’s a big plus. I also read a solid number of books, blowing by my stretch goal of 5 books. I read 11 (list below), with 7 in the last 2-3 weeks, thanks to my new Kobo Clara HD! I find the reading exhilarating and much more useful than watching TV shows, which I did a lot of too this year.

Alibaba: The House That Jack Ma Built - Duncan Clark

Tools of Titans - Tim Ferris

The Innovation Stack - Jim McKelvey

Good Strategy/Bad Strategy: The Difference and Why It Matters - Richard P. Rumelt

To Pixar and Beyond - Lawrence Levy

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother - Amy Chua

How to Raise Successful People - Esther Wojcicki 

The Ride of a Lifetime - Robert Iger

Super Pumped: The Battle for Uber - Mike Isaac

Born a Crime - Trevor Noah

How Will You Measure Your Life? - Clayton M. Christensen

Range - David Epstein (currently reading into 2021)

2021 and Stretch Goals

RELATIONSHIP

Preamble: I recently read a book called ‘How Will You Measure Your Life’ and there was a concept that I wanted to implement. It’s called ‘jobs to be done’. It’s a popular framework in the product development world to tangibly describe what a product does for a user a.k.a. what does a user hire a certain product for. What does the customer need the product to do? The book draws connections to marriage such that partners think about the job that their partner needs them to do. For example, instead of “I’ll clean the house so that my wife doesn’t have to”, the concept asks that we first think about “what does my wife need me to be/do”, and then do that. It’s a simple but powerful way of putting the other person first.

I will think about what my wife needs and wants me to do before I make any assumptions using something like the ‘jobs to be done’ concept.

I will support my wife in her personal and career endeavors.

I will encourage my wife to be creative, ambitious and honest with herself so that she can find her path.

I will be an attentive and caring husband, and try to be positive in the most difficult situations. I will listen first and offer an opinion if suitable in the situation.

I will be cognizant that my wife is stressed from taking care of the baby and try to relieve her stress as much as possible.

I will recognize milestones and also everyday events because life is short.

Stretch: I will create and capture more memories outside of Instagram, through writing, photos or videos.

PARENTHOOD

Preamble: There are various schools of thought on parenting that have some similarities but more stark differences. Specifically the “Western” and “Chinese” schools have opposing tenets, and generically there are more studies not specific to raising children that pose another theory. In the coming year, I’ll digest a few more of these parenting hypotheses, come up with a set of strategies and principles, and align with Celine on tactical steps to take to get there.

I will read 2 to 3 more books on parenting techniques.

I will create a set of strategies, goals, principles and priorities for us and Leia to follow.

FAMILY

I will be more present to foster the most harmonious balance where possible.

FRIENDS

I will build on strong social bonds by reaching out, staying in touch, physically or virtually seeing friends, and recognizing special moments.

I will not be non-existent to friends.

I will think about my friends’ ‘jobs to be done’ and try as much as possible not to project my own expectations onto them.

Stretch: hang out with 1 friend per a month and recognize special moments with handwritten cards and gifts.

CAREER

I will continue to think about my career structurally and critically to deliberately plan out my path. I am entering my mid 30s so the next move or two have to be career moves.

I will consistently evaluate my skills and proactively find ways to fill the gaps, either through structured learning (courses), unstructured (books) and/or experience (asking to lead a project).

Stretch: meet at least 2 new people every month who can help me in my career or gives me new ideas; discuss international opportunities with Square

TRAVEL

Find a new travel goal that revolves around cultural exploration. I want to love to travel immensely again and give that gift to Leia.

Go at least one place with Leia on the plane.

Stretch: Take Celine and the baby to San Francisco for a few weeks.

HEALTH

I will find a new workout regime that I am deeply passionate about. It can be cycling or running up and down the street with a box of weights. In any case, I have to love it and stick with it.

I will choose to eat healthy food more often. In particular, this means more fish, chicken, vegetables and legumes, and less red meat, fried foods and dairy products.

I will eat more fruits and drink more water (at least 2L daily).

I will workout at least twice a week.

FINANCE

I will continue shifting the finances on a monthly basis to ensure that Celine and I are tracking towards our retirement goals.

I will spend less money on products and more on experiences.

I will cut back on impromptu purchases.

I will continue saving money for myself, Celine and the baby.

Stretch: plan for investment property.

PERSONAL

I will keep learning what it means to be a husband and father.

I will dedicate time to self-improvement through reading 24 books this year (2 per month) that span a wide range of topics, from non-fiction to fiction.

I will focus on what I can control and push out things that I cannot control. I worry too much so this will help me reduce mental stress.

I will be a better listener and only dish out tough love sparingly.

I will continue documenting my career ambitions and philosophies in my journal at least 2x a month.

I will clean the house once a month. This means wiping the windows, vacuuming and mopping the floors, bleaching the sink, etc.

I will not leave my shoes and jackets everywhere, and will not leave the lights on if I don’t have to.

Stretch: I will read 36 books (3 per month) this year.

FAVOURITE MOMENTS OF 2020

Driving around the city with Celine a week or two before Leia was born. We went for brunch, went shopping, and had some delicious dinner at Pinky’s Ca Phe. It was a simple day but oh so memorable.

The day just before and the day Leia was born. I woke up and Celine “surprised” me by telling me that she thought her water broke (lol?). We rushed to the hospital and the doctor told us to come back at 7pm that night to start the labour process (if it hadn’t started already). We went home, hung out, took a shower, had a quick nap, had pho for a quick dinner and then got ready. It was the beginning of a long night. Then, watching Celine deliver Leia, and holding her in my arms throughout the first night. I was so tired that I was delirious. Maybe that’s why it felt like a dream.

Watching Leia interact with my parents. Leia has taken a liking to them and it fills my heart with warmth and joy. It also feels like I gave my parents one of the best gifts they could ask for - a smart, healthy and happy grandchild.

Hanging out in the basement, which is essentially Leia’s playroom. All of it.

Walking to the beach.

Each and every day that I woke up to my wonderful wife and child. Leia smiles every so widely in the mornings, making cute sounds and greeting me. It’s a shot of caffeine in the morning, even after a possible poor night of sleep filled with Leia making funny noises.

Making trips to Prince Edward County and Bruce County.

Seeing my parents and in-laws after weeks and months of lockdown. Humans are not wired to be alone, and definitely not wired to say no to seeing family or waving to them behind a window.

Hanging out with my boys before Ryan’s wedding and the wedding itself. There was so much love and joy that day.

Doing ‘normal’ things, like going to the mall, eating at a restaurant, playing golf and having out with friends at the park. Seeing friends at the park, even socially distanced, felt amazing.

Seeing a new administration installed at the White House.

Reading the news about the vaccine being discovered, manufactured and now distributed across the world.

[droewyn]

Give Me a Reason (4/9)

<Part 1>     <Part 2>     <Part 3>

November, 2013

The boy on the ice was new to the Grand Prix series, and it was clear that he wouldn’t be advancing to the final.  His triples were shaky and he wasn’t even attempting a quad.  Not that quads were required, Victor reminded himself.  Just last year he’d taken them out of his programs at Euros on a dare and had still won by a comfortable margin, purely on the strength of a clean skate and high PCS marks.  Yakov had been apoplectic, of course, and had forbidden him from pulling such a stunt at Worlds, but it had honestly been the most fun Victor had had at a competition in years.

The boy – Chulanont, from Thailand – was fun to watch, though.  He danced his program with a cheerfulness that was infectious, and he had the audience clapping along to the music within moments.  A popped triple axel and a two-footed landing on a triple-double combination didn’t seem to bother him in the slightest, though Victor knew he had to be disappointed.  But Chulanont’s spins were solid, and his steps…

Who does that step sequence remind me of, he wondered.  A flash of blue and silver teased at Victor’s memory, crowned in a mop of dark hair.  Oh yes, that Japanese skater. Yuuki something?  Yoshi?  I wonder if Chulanont is his fan.  It bothered him, a little, not to be able to remember the man’s name.  Victor had it written down somewhere in one of his notebooks – he still researched all of the skaters that he shared ice with, Yakov having drilled respect for his competitors into him at an early age – but he didn’t used to need the physical notes the way he did now.  When had the names and faces all started to blur?  I really must be getting old, Victor thought dismally.

Chulanont ended on a slide, his arms outstretched.  He was all smiles as he took his bows, but his eyes gleamed in a way that almost made Victor smile.  He’s determined.  Good.  He’ll take this experience and grow from it.

Victor zoned out during the scoring, already knowing how he’d be judged.  Chulanont had been the last to skate the short program, and he wasn’t close to challenging Georgi’s first place standing.  Georgi’s own skate had been the cleanest Victor had ever seen it, and if he was able to carry that energy over into the free skate they’d be in the Final together for sure, Victor already having secured his own place with a pair of easy golds in Skate Canada and NHK.

Yakov found Victor still sitting in the stands as the crowd was thinning.  “You’re joining us for dinner?” the old coach rumbled.  It was barely a question.  He frowned as Victor shook his head.

“Tonight is Gosha’s, and if I go I’ll just draw attention away from him.”  He sighed with just the right amount of rueful, “what can you do?” disappointment in it.  “I’ll hide in my room and let him enjoy his well-earned spotlight.  Think of me when I’m scrounging scraps from vending machines?”

“Running up the room service bill outrageously, you mean.”  But Yakov’s face had softened into something like fondness.  “It’s true that the fans and the press tend to focus on you whether you skate or not,” he said finally, and Victor knew that he’d won.

It wasn’t that Victor didn’t want to give Georgi the opportunity to shine on his own – of course he did, Gosha had more than earned it – but the real truth was far more selfish. If he went to dinner and someone recognized him – and in Moscow, during Rostelecom, the chances of that happening were pretty damn high – they weren’t just going to ignore Georgi.  They would want, no, insist that he be Living Legend Victor Nikiforov for them, Russia’s Golden God, St. Petersburg’s Hope—

—Victor the Oft Photoshopped, He Whose Shit Is Not Allowed to Stink, Whose Hair Is Discussed More Than His Skating, Subject of Seven Hundred RPF Smut Fics and Supposedly Beloved by All but Actually Having Only a Single (Admittedly Really Great) Dog to Love—

—and he just didn’t want to be that mask.  Not tonight. Not when he didn’t have to be.  Victor the dancing monkey thinks that Victor the Living Legend is an asshole, and just for tonight the dancing monkey is on strike.

Yakov was probably right about the room service bill.

 * Joined channel #therapycouchfort

* Topic is ‘Tomb Raider: Best portrayal of PTSD in a video game ever, or ONLY portrayal of PTSD in a video game ever?  Discuss.’

* Set by StevenMultiverse on Nov 21 19:11:58 2013

suicideflirtsback: holy shit mercy are you okay

iamworthy: *hugs*

mercyslovechild: im ok

mercyslovechild: i guess

KingElsa: What happened?

mercyslovechild: its just

lukewarm_mess: mercy’s parents got CPS called on them

KingElsa: ?

mercyslovechild: tried to tell them once bfore and they blew me off

iamworthy: Child Protective Services, King.

mercyslovechild: they asked if i cut an it was like they stoppd listenning after i said no

/msg lukewarm_mess I don’t understand.

/msg lukewarm_mess Did Mercy’s parents hurt her?

mercyslovechild: now there all sad and ilu and what can we do to help

*lukewarm_mess>> no but she hurts herself and a teacher noticed she was hiding bruises

mercyslovechild: i hate it

iamworthy: At least you’re into therapy now though, right?

/msg lukewarm_mess !!!

mercyslovechild: like, u cant be bothered to give a rats ass until someone else thinks your a bad parent

mercyslovechild: yea but

mercyslovechild: they keep asking if im bullied at school or have bad relationshisp and i dont

mercyslovechild: theres no reason for me to feel this way

mercyslovechild: im just fuckn broken

KingElsa: Mercy.  You are not broken.

suicideflirtsback: ^^^^^^^^

iamworthy: *hugs mercy tight* What King said.

mercyslovechild: yes i am

KingElsa: Am I broken?  Is Iam?  Is Mess? Is Socks?

mercyslovechild: no

lukewarm_mess: so what if you are?

mercyslovechild: but

suicideflirtsback: holy shit mess that’s cold

mercyslovechild: u all have real problems and real illnesses w like diagnoces n stuff that u need help for

lukewarm_mess: broken DOESN’T mean garbage

KingElsa: I don’t.

mercyslovechild: im just some stupid kid crying over nothing

lukewarm_mess: https://www.google.com/search?q=kintsugi&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjz6PXqzJvWAhVj3IMKHbLMBhsQ_AUICigB&biw=1094&bih=626

lukewarm_mess: we fix broken things

lukewarm_mess: we glue them together with gold so everyone can see the scars

KingElsa: I don’t have a diagnosis.

lukewarm_mess: they’re stronger and more beautiful after

lukewarm_mess: more valuable

lukewarm_mess: and more worthy of love

iamworthy: King?

KingElsa: I’ve… never seen anyone.

KingElsa: You’re the only people I’ve ever talked to about this kind of thing.

*lukewarm_mess>> !

mercyslovechild: why

KingElsa: I don’t know, lots of reasons?

*lukewarm_mess>> you havent talked to anyone irl??

KingElsa: But they all kind of boil down to I’m scared.

/msg lukewarm_mess I can’t… I’m under a ton of scrutiny at work…

/msg lukewarm_mess Lots of people hoping for the guy on the top to fall.  If I show weakness…

KingElsa: So if you’re broken what does that make me?  You’re at least trying to reach out for help.

mercyslovechild: …

*lukewarm_mess>> family?  someone else you’re close to?

/msg lukewarm_mess Why Mess, trying to find out if I’m single?

*lukewarm_mess>> not funny

mercyslovechild: i

mercyslovechild: i think i like that pottery thing mess

mercyslovechild: i think i like it alot

/msg lukewarm_mess I am not on speaking terms with my family.

lukewarm_mess: i’m glad, mercy <3

/msg lukewarm_mess For the rest…. I’m kind of married to my work.

lukewarm_mess: we broken people have to stick together

*lukewarm_mess>> +1 313-XXX-XXXX

/msg lukewarm_mess ?!?

*lukewarm_mess>> okay i HATE talking on the phone

*lukewarm_mess>> it’s one of my anxiety triggers

*lukewarm_mess>> but

*lukewarm_mess>> you could text me sometime?  if you want to?

*lukewarm_mess>> and maybe if it’s an emergency you could call

*lukewarm_mess>> if there’s really nobody else

/msg lukewarm_mess I

/msg lukewarm_mess Wow

/msg lukewarm_mess You trust me that much?

*lukewarm_mess>> i just want to know you have someone to reach out to

/msg lukewarm_mess (•̩̩̩́ ᴗ •̩̩̩̀)

/msg lukewarm_mess Thank you.  I don’t know what else to say.

*lukewarm_mess>> say you’ll use it if you need to

/msg lukewarm_mess I will.  I promise.

mercyslovechild: yea i guess we do ^^

<Part 5>