#we love jjong with his sleeves rolled up...suits him so much....

[chwejongho-archive]

❄️your winter gift has arrived, @applejongho!❄️

a series of gifts for mutuals through december!

[noona-clock]

Noir ♠️ Kingdom

A B.A.P holiday songfic series by Admin B! Enjoy!

Genre: 1940′s AU

Pairing: Youngjae x You

By Admin B

Le Noir ♠️ Skydive ♠️ Ribbon in the Sky ♠️ Killer ♠️ Fermata ♠️ Confession ♠️ I Guess I Need U ♠️ Chiquita ♠️ Walk ♠️ Now ♠️ Kingdom

Power, wisdom, Patience and innovation Do you possess all these? Thou who wishes to wear the crown, Shall bear its burden This is our kingdom

Honestly, it really hadn’t taken Youngjae long to get used to living here.

After that last job, he knew his career as a hitman was finished. He never wanted to experience that again - I mean, getting hired to kill your own girlfriend? Who was also an assassin and had been hired to kill you?

It was rough.

So he’d packed up his life and got the heck out of dodge. He left behind the dark, crime-ridden streets of the city and had moved half-way across the world.

Your favorite Christmas song had recently become “Christmas Island” by the Andrews Sisters, so in your honor, Youngjae had decided Christmas Island would be his new home.

And, honestly, the low-stress environment of island living made him feel like a King. He had hardly any worries, and he quickly realized that’s how he liked it.

The world you’ve been thinking of, let it go Take off the crooked eyes Listen, it’s a mysterious world you’ve never heard about Listen, in this place that we’ve made We make the kingdom A place we wanted so much A place we hoped for so earnestly, paradise I’ll show you a new paradigm Follow me, make you high

Of course, you had come with him.

That night in the alleyway had changed everything, obviously, and you’d both decided right then and there your love was too strong to go on like this anymore. And you needed a fresh start.

You had immigrated to Christmas Island the next month, even though neither of you knew anything about the place, you figured it was better to take a chance than stay here and risk getting caught by angry clients.

And now, almost a year later... your relationship was stronger than ever. Life on Christmas Island was completely different than anything either of you had ever known. It changed your way of living, it changed your perspectives, it changed your mindsets.

Youngjae could focus on treating you the way you deserved to be treated - like a Queen, of course - instead of worrying about letting his truth slip. And it was the same for you, honestly.

Your relationship was freed from the lies and deception and sneaking around.

This fallen world, give it up  The star of my life is me

The light that wakes me up falls I hear a voice in the darkness

This world is a monster, I’ll stand up and fight This song is for the new world

With everything which had been going on in the world in the last several years, Youngjae truly couldn’t think of a more appealing life than the one he was living right now with you.

Of course, The Cold War had just been declared between the US and the Soviet Union, but... he didn’t really have to worry about that now, did he?

Sure, he would join whatever army he could and fight if it came down to another World War or something, but...

Being surrounded by water just made it feel like nothing in the world could affect him. It would be extremely easy to pretend war wasn’t happening. Extremely easy to just stay here with you in your little house on the beach.

Kingdom has come Raise your banners Gotta be a master face your monster Can’t contain me Don’t stop freedom is mine Higher than the sun My way (my way) I can’t stop

When he got home from work, you were out back hanging up the laundry on the line. He took off his suit jacket and loosened his tie, rolling up his sleeves to try and cool off. He still wasn’t used to being this warm in December, but he was actually learning he’d never liked the snow.

He stood in the back doorway, leaning against the frame as he watched you clipping up some towels to dry.

“Do you know how beautiful you are?” he asked with a slight smirk on his lips.

You glanced over your shoulder, and he could see your cheeks blushing from here. “How was work?” you asked.

He pushed off from the doorframe and shuffled up behind you, sliding his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder.

“It was work,” he answered. He placed a kiss on your cheek, smiling against your skin when you let out a soft giggle. “I missed you.”

“Hey, did you hear? The locals say the crabs will coming soon.”

“Say what?”

“Apparently, a whole bunch of crabs collect on the beaches here every December.” 

“Huh,” Youngjae chuckled. “Interesting. Guess they want to celebrate Christmas on Christmas Island, too.”

You simply hummed in response and continued on hanging up the laundry.

“Hey... you like living here, right?”

“Of course, I do,” you assured him. “The weather is nice. I have so much more freedom. And I don’t have to worry about being hired to kill my boyfriend.”

“So, you’re glad you decided to trust me and follow me halfway across the world? Even though this world we live in is crazy and could change at any moment?”

“Absolutely,” you said, turning around to face him. You slid your arms around his neck and pressed the tip of your nose to his. “I’m more than glad. I don’t regret one single thing.

A smile appeared on Youngjae’s lips, and he held you closer, tilting his head to press his lips to yours.

No matter what happened in the coming months or years - if the US went to war again, if people started blowing each other up - he knew he would always have you.

And he trusted you more than he trusted anything else.

Feel it, trust me, follow me Follow me

Tagging @cramelot , @brie02 , @pegacorn24 , @jjong-dae77  , @baekfanapleintemps , @sun-shinee-world , @aidachyan , @shinrin-yokeu , @babybee05 to let them know this has been posted! This is the final part, so I would like to say ‘thank you’ to everyone who has read, liked, commented, or reblogged!! It truly means so much to me!

Master list // RULES // Submit a Request! // Read About the Admins

[smoldinopup]

Jonghyun - The Letter - 2017.06.14 - Fan account

Epic Fan Account of Doom…or Fluffiness (but that sounds less cool)

People who follow my blog attentively might know that I flew to Seoul on Monday to see Jonghyun in concert on June 14, because I only mentioned it like 14142112313 times on here. This trip went as smoothly as room tempered butter on a piece of toast. Pics and a video of my trip and some fun facts can soon be found on my travel blog, but no one cares about that now, right?

Let’s get to the actual content of this post *whips out her non-existent kazoo to play a song*

@krge @gone-with-the-bling, because you two wanted to read it! ^^

I went to SM Town at noon to buy some merchandise. I had typed down everything I wanted on my phone to make things easier for me as well as the staff working at the merchandise stand. When I arrived shortly before 12 around 30 people were already waiting in line (or more like sitting on the floor). Luckily they played Jonghyun and SHINee videos throughout the waiting time on some huge screen, so the time until 1pm passed really quickly. 

It was my turn after only 10 minutes, but by then the kazoo was already sold out, which still shocks me. Not every person in front of me bought one so I’m still wondering how many SM actually sold? 15? I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that they only sold a handful of kazoos. I already read several fan accounts that they were quite short on some of the merchandise in general, but I thought it would get better in week four. Apparently not…I’m still meeh about it, because the kazoo was the one thing I looked forward to the most. Anyway, I got my merchandise (I went a little wild *coughs*. Random side note, the T-shirt is such good quality! I’m in awe and will never take it off again! Especially compared to those flimsy T-Shirts with that ridiculous sizing they had for the FIVE tour in Japan, Jonghyun’s T-shirt can only win.) 

Left side: Jonghyun’s T-shirt (free size) Right side: SHINee’s FIVE T-shirt (size S). The thing with the FIVE T-shirts, before you wash them the print looks beautiful because it’s holographic. After washing it this effect is gone. The material is also much thinner than the one they used for the Jonghyun T-shirt, and the sizing was ridiculous. Those T-shirts were super short as you can see in the photo, but super wide (it’s like a crop trop in a way) I don’t even know how Minho wore that T-shirt with his long upper body. Jonghyun’s T-shirt on the other hand... I mean you want to wrap yourself up in it and pull it down to your knees (which I can’t, because I’m too tall, but smaller people can wear it as a dress, which is adorable). They were produced in different countries, which might be a reason for the difference in quality. I don’t know, but SM please produce your Japanese tour shirts somewhere else in future!

After taking photos with the shining babes at the photo booths (SM ships 2min and Jongkey…just saying) I went back to the SM merchandise shop to buy some more SHINee merchandise and then did some sightseeing around Seoul before coming back at 7pm for the actual concert that started at 8pm.

I sat in the left block in the third row, which was amazing, and I wish I had been able to stenograph during this whole concert to capture all the details as soon as they happened like

[Jonghyun perked his eyebrow | Dead | He just growled | Deader | He smiled | Deadest]

But yeah, that didn’t happen. So please bear with me, I try to write it down as accurately as I can remember it, but like I already mentioned in my ‘fan accounts’ for the SHINee concerts I’m only human (an old one on top of that) and I can’t possibly remember everything (even if it breaks my heart). So please be aware that the following passages will be filled with a lot of cringe worthy love that I feel for this adorable human being. 

You have been warned! 

So, grab a snack, make yourself comfortable and enjoy the ride. I should just write this like a fan fiction…lmao (maybe not)

The opening VCR was him riding in a car and then walking along the beach. The presentation of the video was so nicely done, because they switched screens from left, to middle, to right as Jonghyun walked along the beach, so the audience basically followed him in his steps. He also looked astonishingly beautiful in that VCR, but let’s be real…when doesn’t he look astonishingly beautiful. The VCR was shot together with the video to ‘Lonely’, because the beach and the outfit he wore were the same as in the music video.

We stood up for the opening songs, which is always nice of course, but also made me very uncomfortable, because I was a head taller than anyone else in my block, and I constantly worried that people behind me might not be able to see the stage that well. Sorry people who sat behind me, I can’t do anything about my height T_T. Like I mentioned above I was sitting in row three, but I forgot my glasses at the hostel and therefore Jonghyun was still a little fuzzy around the edges, and I naturally tilted my head to look at the screen from time to time (force of habit…which I acquired during the Japanese concerts). 

Jonghyun wore a white T-shirt instead of the red one for the opening stage. Something like one, two, three Seoul Youth was written on it. But I’m not completely sure if that’s completely accurate, so don’t nail me down on it. 

Just like the red T-Shirt he sleeves of the white one had been generously cut off. However, I sat on the wrong side and only caught a glimpse of the tattoo on his ribs. Pity! But better than the T-shirt were those jeans! His jeans were torn in all the right places and whenever his legs moved one could see the muscles nicely contract in his thighs (is that too detailed, I wonder?) Anyway, I can attest that the boy got some booty and thighs now (@every-person-who-has-an-url-talking-about-jjongs-non-existent-butt-might-consider-an-url-change). I have to admit that I spent the majority of the first three songs with looking at his thighs and butt. I’m sorry, Jonghyun. Please forgive me my rudeness! I’m just not used to seeing you having an actual booty.

There were dancers accompanying Jonghyun for a lot of the songs again. Though, while I thought they are a nice touch during the X-Inspiration concert, they often felt like too much for this concert series, and to me it didn’t feel like they added much to the performances. But that’s just my opinion, and I’m sure others loved the dancers. As I mentioned in my “I’m screaming into the void, but I have to scream anyway post” right after the concert, Jonghyun came to the left side of the stage in the beginning of ‘White T-Shirt’ and pointed into my direction while saying ‘You’re so rock n roll’. He could have also pointed at all of us, but let me have this one little moment of fangirl love and let’s all assume he did point at me, because I stood out the most in a lot of ways, and yes, I’m more rock n roll than even Mr. Kim will probably ever be, so it would have been very fitting. (ﾉ≧∀≦)ﾉ lmao

So, that being said I was totally overwhelmed by all the fan chants. I mean sometimes I love doing them, but at other times it feels suffocating and too much, like I’m part of some Army? I have the Japanese SHINee fan chants down perfectly. You can wake me up in the middle of the night, play me a random Japanese SHINee song and I will do every fan chant perfectly (including synchronized fan light movements). I’m also quite confident in doing the Korean ones, but most of the Jonghyun ones just exhausted me. I can’t even remember if we did all of them in December? December is still such a blur. It’s a pity that I didn’t write everything down back then, because my brain is weak and so was my heart. Anyway, it took me a few songs to get into the right fan chant groove.

When the VCR to Rewind played I was shocked to hear Jonghyun speak German. I was like O.O ??? What is this foreign but familiar sounding language doing here? Is he Lady Gaga? There was Spanish, and Japanese as well…I wonder how he came up with using German and Spanish from all existing languages. Did he open Google and ask ‘How to count in different languages’ and he thought those are the fancy sounding ones? Or did Jonghyun think ‘Roo’s ancestors were German, so let’s go with some Rammstein vibes’. Either way I’m still not over it. Kim Autobahn you can speak random German words to me all day. The video was just like the song title… very repetitive. Jonghyun did the same things again and again. But I believe by now most have seen the snippet of the VCR that was posted a while ago.

I have to admit that I was a little disappointed in ‘Suit Up’. It is one of my favorite songs on the album. The band was way too loud and overpowered the softness of Jonghyun’s voice while singing the beginning of this song. The audio technicians should have changed the volume of the microphone or something since it’s never a good thing if the band is louder than the singer. As of the performance of the song, Jonghyun was rolled inside on some arm chair by some pretty female dancers who tried to ‘seduce him?’ I’m not sure, but they also stripped him off his purple jacket and his tie later into the performance, so I guess we can call it the art of seducing Kim Jonghyun. But like I’ve mentioned earlier while I loved the dancers during the concert in December, I felt like they didn’t fit the mood for the letter series, but do you do Jonghyun or SM, whoever decided that it’s a good idea to include dancers. He wore a purple suit during this segment by the way. There was a fan account that stated that he looked slimmer, because the pants fitted looser around his thighs than they had done before. I agree with that account since the pants indeed were a little looser, but I’m not sure this had anything to do with weight loss. Is it possible to lose so much weight around one’s thighs in a mere week? I don’t know. I don’t know. It also doesn’t matter…he looks beautiful no matter the shape or size! So, let’s move on.

‘Staring into Space’ was absolutely adorable, but I didn’t expect anything else, just watching him put on the robe and the little bed cap made everyone in the audience squeal in delight and him smile shyly in return. He knows he looks adorable in that outfit, but he still always acts surprised when the audience is more excited about him dressing up in cutesy outfits than seeing him undress himself. Anyway, the props for this performance stood on the left side of the stage. Some boxes, some lights, something he could sit/lie on. I’m not sure what it was exactly, something like a bench covered in pillows and a blanket? At first he only sat on it while singing, and I was already like…boooohh everyone said how adorable you get during this performance, don’t disappoint me now! As if he had heard my thoughts he lay down with that little dog plushie (that wore some polka dotted hoodie) and pulled down the sleeping mask, and then playfully tugged the mask down on one side so only one eye peeked out. You can imagine the squeals coming from all sides. He continued with pulling the other side down as well so his nose and his mouth were basically covered by the sleeping mask. It looked adorable. He’s such an adorable human being and he’s very aware of that. After the performance ended he got up to take the robe off and he was quite amused by the disappointed reaction of the audience, because everyone wanted to see him continuing the concert in that outfit. It’s definitely a look! Next SHINee comeback should include sleeping masks and robes.

For ‘Blinking Game’ some fancy looking lights were lowered onto the stage behind Jonghyun, and the scenery gave off the atmosphere of some fancy jazz club, and one only waited for a contrabass to start playing.

We used the hand bells for ‘Gloomy Clock’, and Jonghyun had a lot of fun altering the rhythm randomly to confuse the audience. Sometimes he really does act like a little kid, having the most fun by bringing mischief to the stage. But it shows how much he enjoys performing, and seeing him have so much fun, makes one’s heart feel really warm and fuzzy.

I’m quite sad that the talk segments were basically me sitting around and having no idea what Jonghyun was talking about. That’s what I personally like about the Japanese concerts, because there I understand most of the things they say, which is quite nice. But yeah, it’s not their fault that I don’t speak Korean. Anyway, before the cockroach song he looked for a couple again (apparently there was none…or no one wanted to out themselves) so he picked out some girl who had been single for a very long time. I only understood a few words, and tried to figure out the content of their conversation by clutching onto every straw that was thrown, and after that one fan account I was surprised to realize that I wasn’t that off with my speculations. It was really fun listening to their conversation, because that girl was very fierce (I loved her since she was not shy to voice her opinion) and ranted so much that she apologized several times when Jonghyun got all ㅎㅅㅎ--- O_O--- :’D and wondered why she sounded like she was mad at him. It was adorable. She mentioned Minho at some point, but I’m not sure what she said. Did she refer to him as her ideal type? I don’t know. 

The cockroach song was awesome live, and the animation of the cockroaches were so adorable! Especially when one cockroach was sitting on Jonghyun’s head. He got all embarrassed when he saw himself on the screen with that cockroach head on his, and started laughing. Speaking of little, embarrassed Jonghyun. He also got very shy when all the fans excitedly waved their fan lights around when he sung the now infamous lyrics of ‘Where are you?” You know the drill. It was amusing. But what else did he expect the reaction of fans to be when he wrote those lyrics? Probably no one is going to look at him in disgust when he sings ‘Where is the person who is going to kiss me?’ Are there any fan accounts about what Minho did during this part when he attended the concert yesterday? I expect Choi to jump up from his seat and point at himself!

The second girl he talked to was one of the people who sent in letters. I have absolutely no idea what the conversation was about, but she was very shy and said annyeonghaseyo very, very awkwardly and shyly and also sounded slightly bored on top of it (an interesting mix), which Jonghyun apparently found quite amusing and mimicked the greeting in the same awkward manner and tone. We can conclude Jonghyun likes to play and tease the audience. In general I got the feeling that he really enjoys talking to the fans, listen to their stories, and give them advice. It felt like group therapy session with Doctor Kim. For the talk segments he walked around the stage and when reading the letters he sat in an arm chair in the middle of it. At some point he was wearing a huge white shirt with a wide collar and some pretty necklace. It was such a nice and dreamy outfit. Did I mention how beautiful his eye make-up was done? His eyes looked so pretty and shiny, and… *inserts all the hearts*.

The stages I feared the most were the ones starting off with ‘Let me out’. I really thought I would start crying him a river right then and there, but luckily that didn’t happen. The prop for this stage consisted of some cocoon looking 2m tall foldable wall that surrounded him, and he wore all black with a black corsage like binder around his waist. Let me tell you that corsage did things to his figure. I mean we all know he has a tiny waist, but that binder only emphasized that, which made his shoulders and arms look massive while it made his waist look even tinier. Especially when seen from the side with the light falling onto him he looked like some statute in a museum. I think this was my favorite outfit of the night, because he just looked very dark and mysterious, but also very soft and beautiful at the same time. This guy is just a contradiction, but what else is new.

Like some fan accounts already stated the performance to ‘Let me out’ is quite intense and Jonghyun puts his everything into it, but just like with ‘Suit up’ the band overpowered him during the quieter parts, which is a pity. I don’t know if this was a general problem and just no one mentioned it until now, because fans tend to throw all form of critic out of the window as soon as they are graced by his presence or if the concert I attended was an exception. Maybe they should have arranged those songs differently, because performing them live requires some special attention in my opinion so the haunting feeling of the music and lyrics get across to the audience.  After ‘Let me out’ Jonghyun pushed the cocoon open and continued with ‘Elevator’, one of my all-time favorite Jonghyun songs. It was very powerful and I sat in the audience with goosebumps.

The duets between Jonghyun and Shawols were beautiful. He should consider recording a song with a bunch of Shawols as duet partners in future. I especially liked the Shawol duet to ‘Love belt’, because it makes it easier to yell ‘I NEED YOU. I LOVE YOU…HOLD ME’ at Jonghyun without seeming like a crazy person. (/・・)ノ

The VCR before the encore seems to change every so often and while it was a rice brand Jonghyun advertised last week, he did some advertising for a drink this week. He tried to act as if he was seducing that bottle in his hand, and ran it along his face and so on. It looked hilarious. I laughed so hard. I live for funny VCRs. After the video ended everyone’s head suddenly turned to the entrance of the theater, and I was like ‘What is going on? Why is everyone turning their head around?’ I figured out why around ten seconds later when Jonghyun came down the aisle on the left side for ‘Deja Boo’ and everyone started screaming. Holy guacamole I wasn’t ready for seeing Jonghyun that close. I thanked all existing Gods on this planet that I sat in the left block so he passed me only a few feet away and came to a halt right in front of my block. HE’S SO TINY!!!! *USES ALL CAPSLOCK IN THE EXISTENCE OF CAPSLOCK* AND SO BEAUTIFUL!!!! Wow, I was so dumbfounded that I just stared at him like the weak fangirl I am. How do people survive fan signs? I mean yes, he’s just a normal human being, no need to put him on any pedestals (that’s 100% correct) but holy daisy…if he isn’t one of the most beautiful human beings I was able to lay my eyes on. His skin was glowing! If it had been me standing right in front of him in that first row I probably would have gaped at him without feeling any shame. He has just a very engaging aura. I mean it is one thing to see him up close on stage, but when he’s literally on eyelevel with you…oh my oh my…how do people manage to act all normal around him? Are they dying on the inside from all the tiny firework explosions and fan feels? Tell me your secrets survivors of the US fan meets!

Random anecdote: 10 years ago I met my back then favorite guitar player during a meet and greet and expected to die right then and there. However, I didn’t die and I carried a table with him instead and told him how tiny he is, which resulted in the singer laughing and saying ‘Well, what a nice compliment!’ Me being as smooth as a spiky cactus. So thinking about this fan girl episode of mine I probably would say something stupid instead of dying inside. But I matured, I wouldn’t call Jonghyun tiny to his face. I learned from this embarrassing episode that still haunts me at night sometimes.

The concert ended with ‘Fortune Cookie’ and ‘Beautiful tonight’. As always Jonghyun directed the audience during ‘Beautiful tonight’ and I looked at every kazoo around me in envy. I wanted to become a kazoo kid. I will forever be bitter about this. But I might just buy one from ebay and start my kazoo career anyway. No need for Jonghyun’s concert logo on this genius music instrument. I loved how he cherished every single person in the band accompanying him, and jammed along to every instrument. He played air bass guitar, it was so adorable and cute and I just wanted to pinch his cheeks and pat his head.

The ending of a concert always makes me feel very empty and this time was no different. As soon as Jonghyun left the stage I felt a wave of ‘So this was it. The final goodbye’. It’s always the worst part of a concert, because you just don’t want it to be over yet. The concert was a little over 2 hours, I believe, and everyone stormed out of the concert hall to wave Jonghyun goodbye at SM Town’s side entrance. When I arrived at SM Town that day I tried to figure out where all those ‘Arrival’ and ‘Departure’ photos had been taken, but I didn’t have to look long for it, because the entrance is right next to the actual entrance of SM Town. So, I followed the crowd and waited behind a barrier. I think at least half of the audience waited for him there, and most of them had their phones and cameras ready, already filming the door. Some of the girls even had little stools they could stand on so they could see the entrance better. He exited the building shortly after, waved into the crowd like usual and then disappeared into the waiting car. Nothing too dramatic…

It was a beautiful concert; very cozy and somehow very intimate. I for one belong to the group of people who prefer small venues, and I never understand why some fans have it as a goal to attend a Tokyo Dome concert at least once in their lives. I mean you do you, but it sounds more fun than it actually is. I already disliked the size of Saitama Super Arena with a little over 30.000 seats and I don’t want to imagine how a hall filled with over 50.000 must feel like. Yes, the ocean might look beautiful with 50.000, but it already looks beautiful with 500, so I don’t know what the big deal is…especially if you happen to only get a ticket on the fourth/fifth floor. But to each their own I guess. One needs to have a goal in life after all, and if it’s attending a SHINee concert, then that’s a really good one! So, you go Shawols! ^^

I should end this here, but I want to add a last note on the global packages. Last year I got a global package for the first X-Inspiration concert, because a) I didn’t know better b) his first concert was on my birthday and therefore I wanted to go there whatever the cost. As most of you know the global packages are very pricy to begin with, but in the case of the X-Inspiration concerts they also offered a lot in return, and you could choose the price category of the hotel. So after calculating everything, I thought, well the price is not too bad, and I still don’t regret buying that package, because it was a wonderful experience that I treasure a lot. However, this time the prices for the global packages were even higher, you couldn’t choose the price category, and they offered nothing at all except for the goodies. All I thought was ‘SM, what are you doing???’ This being said, if you have the money, just go for it, but if you are on a budget you might want to look around a little. There are trustworthy Korean sites which people use to resell their tickets and if you are lucky enough you might find a ticket to a reasonable price. The one I found was only 40$ more than the original price and was a seat in the third row, so I’m not complaining.

So, in conclusion: Did I have fun at the concert? Yes, I did! Was it enjoyable? Yes, definitely. Would I do it again? Oh yeah, anytime. There is just something about Jonghyun or SHINee as a whole group that makes me incredibly happy, and I’m very thankful that they never fail to put a smile onto my face.  ♡

Thank you! (♡＾▽＾♡)

[hellotweetygirl]

[FIC] Become Starlight

Title: Become Starlight

Author: @hellotweetygirl

Words: 3,402

Genre/Paring: Jongho, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff

A/N: So this is my first Jongho! I was eager to write this after the terribly emotional goodbye that Jonghyun said to his beloved Blue Night this week. It was so hard to watch him cry- but I think we all cheered when Choi Tenderheart came to the rescue! I went to nap thinking of this post I’d fired off and woke up with this fic in my head :) Getting to post this on Jonghyun’s birthday is also a treat! Please enjoy! 

 “My tears become starlight, and shine brightly over there,

Maybe you’ll see from somewhere, so every night I become the starlight and shine.”

-“Wish Upon a Star”

 ~~

Minho dragged Jonghyun to his front door and propped him against the door jamb with a sigh. They were both drunk. Minho however, had drunk socially and casually at the after party having nothing to prove to anyone there and having simply wanted to enjoy himself on Jonghyun’s big night. Somehow he had managed to stay pleasantly tipsy, and despite the number of shots that Jonghyun had pushed his way, stuck to his limit.  

Jonghyun however did not.

Minho didn’t know how someone who had sworn off drinking could get themselves so thoroughly smashed in such a short time. Perhaps it was the late hour, or perhaps it was the wake of the emotional high after leaving the radio studio. Maybe it was the fact that the drinks disappeared at a faster rate than the food in front of Jonghyun. Whatever it was, when the full-on weeping began and Jonghyun had, for the third time that evening, made for the microphone to begin a passionate ballad on the karaoke machine Minho knew it was time to spare his hyung the next day embarrassment and make a speedy exit from the celebration venue.

Now, managing to drag him home, Minho had to figure out what to do with him.

Gently, he smacked Jonghyun’s cheek and got him to open his eyes.

“Hyung, you gotta open the door okay? Just put your code in and we can get you inside.”

Jonghyun’s eyes slowly focused in and recognition dawned on him of who was speaking to him. He smiled brilliantly and Minho couldn’t help but smile back shaking his head fondly at the other boy. Minho thanked the stars that Jonghyun was an adorable drunk and not a disorderly one. Sluggishly, Jonghyun rolled to the other side of the door and mashed down a sequence of numbers before the soft beep of success was heard.

Minho grabbed him around the waist from behind with one arm and shoved open the door with the other. He pushed Jonghyun into the foyer and helped him to toe off his wingtips before Minho wrapped his arm around him again and frog-marched him down the hallway and into the main living area.  

In retrospect, Minho should have expected that there would be a ‘part two’ of the goodbye celebrations waiting for Jonghyun at home. Banners and flowers decorated the space and made for a festive welcome. A welcome gone wholly unappreciated by the sleepy drunk in his arms.

Seeing Mrs. Kim’s look of concern as she rose from the settee was enough to make him wish he’d poured Jjong into a cab a lot earlier that night…well, morning.

The petite woman hurried over to him and reached out for her son, ready to do her best to care for him. Minho put a finger to his lips and gently steered him out of her grasp.

“It’s okay Mrs. Kim, I’ll get him upstairs and take care of him.”

“No, no, no,” she fussed, “You don’t need to Minho-yah, I can take care of him well enough.”

Minho argued softly with the woman for a minute, sleepy drunk or no there was no way he was letting Jonghyun’s mother bear the burden of worry and care for her son in this state. She would just have to allow him his way.  Turning on his megawatt smile he insistently pushed past her and moved Jonghyun to the head of the stairs. When Minho heard the tisking and longsuffering muttering behind him he knew it was accompanied by a smile and proceeded without guilt.  

“Come on hyung, up we go.” Minho’s hand slid into place at the small of Jonghyun’s waist, gently propelling him forward and together they made the short climb to the second floor and Jonghyun’s room. Pushing through the familiar door he was hit by the powerful scent of burning wood and deep exotic fragrances. He inhaled deeply and found calm washing over him and swirling around him. It was so peaceful to be in Jonghyun’s room. He loved the old leather furniture and the warm blankets. He loved the slick polished floors and the modern artwork. It all blended together into a style that was uniquely Jonghyun’s. For as depressing as the blackness on the walls and windows had the potential to be, Minho always found that being in Jonghyun’s room felt like a securely knit cocoon and it gave him security and peace to be here.

Minho rolled Jonghyun onto the bed and left him there, butt perched on the edge of the bed, feet on the floor, body crumpled over in an untidy heap. Rummaging around on the headboard he came up with a packet of matches and struck one up and began lighting the candles that lined the wide wooden top. The matches burned quickly and he found himself shaking out the flames as they licked at his fingertips, striking again, and repeating the lighting process until around the bed was bathed in a soft glow.

Minho shut the door behind him blocking out the harsh light of the hallway and effectively pulling the cocoon fully closed.

Minho turned and leaned against the door appraising and admiring the man slumped over on his side at the edge of the bed. Jonghyun had been so handsome tonight in his navy suit. Minho had been watching the radio broadcast on his phone from the beginning sitting in the downstairs lobby while he waited to come on the air. Jonghyun was so pleased with himself and how sharp he looked, the fans all admired him and cooed and giggled their approval- and they weren’t wrong. He looked amazing and obviously felt good and Minho had been pleased to see it.

Now the suit was a little the worse for wear and so was the man in it.

Minho was pretty sure that drool was escaping the other man’s open mouth and he knew for sure that his cheeks were encrusted in the salty brine of a flood of tears. He stepped over to Jonghyun and sat him up, briefly caressing his cheek.

“Come on Jjong, we gotta get you out of all this and make you comfy.”

The words awakened the older boy a bit and he again focused in on Minho with a growing smile.

“That’s good. Good. I like comfy.” Jonghyun’s hazy smile as he spoke to Minho could hardly be called a real smile resembling more of a Muppet’s thin dopey purse of the lips. Jonghyun raised his hand to Minho who was stooped in front of him and ran his hands down Minho’s sweatshirt protected chest. “I like comfy things, did you know that before?” Jonghyun’s question was so childlike in tone that he almost booped Jjong on the nose. Almost. But he held himself back. No need to open himself to the potential of teasing…or otherwise…the next day.

Minho’s fingers moved deftly over the large buttons of Jonghuyn’s jacket and popped them open as the other boy continued to babble away. Minho grasped the ends of Jonghyun’s sleeves and tugged upward as he stood giving the older boy the appearance of being a puppet in the hands of his puppeteer. Eventually, Jonghyun’s arms slid from the sleeves and flopped to his sides on the bed. Jonghyun giggled.

“Plop, plop!”

Minho shook his head and pushed Jonghyun flat on his back. With a soft bounce, he hit the mattress and wiggled into the comfort of the puffy duvet.  Minho leaned a knee into the edge of the mattress and leaned over Jonghyun unlooping his belt, tugging and clanking the buckle as he went, and popping the button that gleamed like a silver coin underneath.

“I’m seriously glad,” he groused, “That this is the last time I am going to have to drag your drunk self home Jonghyun. You are the most unhelpful drunk.”

With a swift tug around the hips, Jonghyun’s slacks hit his knees and began the journey downward. Minho smacked the bare thigh.

“Kick them off.”

Jonghyun obeyed and the blue serge dropped to the floor in a puddle.

Pants removed Minho sat the pliant boy up again and continued removing Jonghyun’s smartly checkered tie. The fabric was warm from having been held closely to Jonghyun’s body and it warmed more against his hand as he yanked it from beneath the collar. One by one he loosened the tiny buttons at Jonghyun’s neck and down his chest until Minho deemed he had enough room to breathe freely.

Minho got up and disappeared through an adjacent door and a light flickered on. Water ran briefly and Minho reappeared again before a minute had passed. The washcloth in his hands was wrung out but not to the point of being bone dry. It retained much of the scalding heat of the tap water in its fluffy luxurious threads and Jonghyun moaned as Minho cupped one cheek with his hand and ran the cloth alongside the other. The cloth ran along the back of his neck and ventured along the top of his shoulder before coming down and running into the deep dip of his clavicles and across the spot he was so proud of in the center of his chest.

As Minho switched hands and worked his way across the other half of Jonghyun’s exposed body he roused and began to take deep breaths filling his lungs with fresh air and slowly expelling it in long sighs.

“That feels nice.”

“I thought you’d appreciate that,” Minho said with a grin, “You can thank me in the morning.”

Minho moved to his hands and ran the fading warmth over the backs and palms of Jonghyun’s right hand before moving to the left. As he worked at the smudge marks he rolled the clenched fist over and tapped it, signaling for the other to open up but the fist only clenched tighter. Minho looked up a question on his features.

“Hyung, what do you have?  Open up.”

Jonghyun signaled the negative with the shake of his head and refused to listen. This left Minho with the only thing he could do- pry the object out of his hand. With difficulty, the fingers peeled back one by one revealing crinkled loops of navy ribbon around a small tan reed.

Jonghyun looked down at it forlornly and tears began to form in his eyes.

“I’m leaving them. I’m leaving them Minho.”

Before Minho could process what was happening he had his arms full of a crying Jonghyun as he flopped face first into Minho’s shoulder.

Minho sighed. Maybe he should have let Mrs. Kim take care of Jonghyun.

“Hey now, hey,” he crooned, rising with Jonghyun and awkwardly tossing the cloth onto the side table, “Don’t cry Jjong. Shhhhh. Don’t cry.” Minho pulled back the covers on the bed with one awkward hand as the other steadied the now weeping boy in his arms. “We’re going to get you into bed and let you sleep all this off okay?”

Jonghyun took a long drag of snot as he hiccupped through the tears. He buried his nose into Minho’s neck and clung to his hoodie with both hands wrapped into the jersey knit.

“I thought it was going to last forever,” he sniffled in gulps between words. “Now I’m leaving them and nothing is going to be the same! I don’t want to go Minhooo I don’t want to,” the small boy sobbed.

So this is what this was all about.

Right about now Minho wished he was still carrying around that silly box of tissues, he could use one- or forty- to dry up the fount Jonghyun had again become. He patted the others back and slowly shifted him down into the waiting bed and lifted his feet in behind him.

“We can talk about this tomorrow hyung when you’re feeling better.” Minho moved to lift the covers and tuck Jonghyun but was stopped with a fresh wail.

“You’re going to leave me too?”

Minho stopped and looked down at the boy curled on his side and thought how very small he looked. He knelt beside the bed and rested his elbows on the edge as he spoke softly to Jonghyun.

“You’re tired. You’re drunk. Don’t you think that you’ll feel better later after you’ve slept off all the alcohol? Then I’ll take all the time you want to talk about this.” He stroked the flop of bangs of out of his eyes and tried to sweep it to the side.

“No. I’m not going to feel better later,” he insisted stubbornly, “I want you to stay with me now. Please,” he pleaded in the barest whisper. For such a large personality in public, Jonghyun could, on occasion, be the smallest little smol in private. He looked incredibly insecure and weary, his tear stained cheeks drawn and his eyes red ringed from both the drink and the continuing tears. Minho couldn’t bring himself to deny him the request.  

“Okay. You win.” He tapped the elder on the nose.

Standing, he shucked off his tight jeans and puffy outer jacket leaving him in his oversized hoodie and his clothes in a pile on top of Jonghyun’s on the floor. Climbing in next to Jonghyun was not uncomfortable by any means but it had been such a long time since the two had shared the same space that Minho was tentative as he inched into the place beside his friend.

Jonghyun had other ideas.

He flopped onto the tall boy with abandon and wrapped his arms around Minho’s broad chest.

Laying on his back Minho raised his eyes to the heavens and asked for patience.

Maneuvering around the pillows and bodies he shifted the both of them to a comfortable position. Supported by a horde of pillows at his back he cradled Jonghyun in his side and drew the covers up over them.

Jonghyun, who appeared more awake now, threw a leg over him preventing him from any possible escape.

At first Minho just simply held the other boy and kept him close. His hoodie earned an ever dampening wet patch on his chest as Jonghyun’s tears soaked through but he didn’t mind as long as he was helping the other to feel safe and cared for.

Eventually, Jonghyun began to quiet his tears and opened up, speaking in low scratchy tones that he had to lean in closer to hear.

“They were so close, all the listeners, and at first, that scared me, but then it didn’t. I wanted them close. They understood me. They are people. And I am too, I am a person! And I could be just a person with them. Sharing the same things, the same happiness’s, and struggles, and….” He trailed off not quite connecting his train of through to its next destination and Minho rubbed his arm reassuring him he could continue.

“They shared themselves with me Minho. At first I didn’t know what to do with that. So long I’ve tried to share myself with others but they never saw who I was really. No one understood. I didn’t want them to feel that way. I wanted them to know that they had been heard so I wrote for them. Something beautiful came out of that, I can’t even tell y-” he choked on a sob and Minho stroked his back in comforting circles.

Leave it to Jonghyun to try and be eloquent even in his tearful drunkenness.

“I want to go back. Please let me go back.” The sobs wracked his body until he could do nothing but heave in air and choke it back out again.

“You can’t do that Jjongie, you know that,” Minho comforted with steady voice and hands that moved gently up and down the stricken boy’s sides and back. His hands were steady and sure, repeating a pattern of infinite shapes. He scrunched up the cuff of his sleeve and gently wiped at Jonghyun’s tears and dripping nose. He grimaced in disgust realizing what he’d just done and sighed, resigned to being Jonghyun’s own personal human tissue.  

For the hundredth time Minho wished things were different for Jonghyun. He had been surprised to hear that Jonghyun would be giving up Blue Night knowing how the other loved it so, but also unsurprised in knowing what a burden it was to his health. Minho had grieved too as a listener of the show. He never thought that someone he knew so well already could offer him something new but Minho found himself tuning into the show not just to support his friend as he had in the beginning, but as a curious listener who hung on every word that came over the airwaves, hearing fresh thoughts and the warmth of a genuine heart.

As time had gone on Minho had seen how his friend’s insomnia battled against the great love he had for his work. It was heartbreaking to watch. He hated seeing Jonghyun hurt and had finally gone to him and pleaded for him to watch over his health and allow Minho to watch over his beloved little home in the place between today and tomorrow.

The other had refused of course, knowing Minho’s schedule was no less demanding than his own, but Minho knew that it had been seen as a gesture of love.

Now though, as his friend had done what he must so he could grow strong again and heal, he held him wishing he could have done more to stop this from hurting so much.

“You did everything you could,” he whispered. “Blue Night will be looked after until you are in the right place to take it over again. Right now is time to take care of you Jjong.”

A few quiet minutes passed where quiet reigned. The candlelight was the only thing in the room that appeared to be alive as the flames bobbed and danced and through their light as far as they could which really wasn’t terribly far in the oversized room.

“Open your eyes,” Minho commanded. He disentangled himself from the other’s arms and rolled to his back again, nudging the boy beside him to do the same. Jonghyun made a pillow of his bicep and together they peered into the near blackness of Jonghyun’s room. Minho pointed to the ceiling at the other end of the large room, beyond the reach of the soft candle glow.

“I know it’s dark right now and that you don’t see- but there is starlight out there- and it’s for you.” Minho turned his face to the other boy and whispered right in his ear. “Make your wish Jong. Make it and dare to believe it’s going to come true.” Jonghyun turned and their eyes met. He was searching through his hurt and the pain in his eyes pulled deeply at Minho’s heart.

Minho blinked the moment away and turned again to the darkness.

“You’ve given hope to so many people don’t give out on yourself now. I know now is not the day you are going to feel good about this. It’s probably going to take many days- but soon you will see not the darkness but the stars.”

Minho shuffled onto his side again and cupped Jonghyun’s cheek running his thumb across it and dragging the trace moisture there across his cheekbones. Slowly he leaned across and placed a tender kiss on Jonghyun’s forehead.  

Jonghyun considered him for a long moment.

“It’s not okay. But it might be.”

“Yeah, it will be. Trust me.”

Jonghyun leaned into him then and pressed his lips softly to Minho’s. He pulled back after a brief second and Minho watched him chew his lip.

“Thank you Minho.”

Minho pulled Jonghyun back into the circle of his arms and quickly they became tangled together, resting in each other as sleep pulled at them both.

As sleep made his mind drowsy Minho tucked away the promise he had made Jonghyun. He felt how deeply Jonghyun was relying on his words to be true and he would not let him down. Maybe he couldn’t look after Blue Night, but he could certainly do what he seemed to do best and look after Jonghyun. He would make sure that the wishes he made came true and the starlight inside him stayed burning brightly.

Someday, Jonghyun would ascend to the nighttime skies again.  

Minho couldn’t wait.