#we mention neil smith too because he made an amazing translation of a terribly paintful book

[theyellowonethatfeelsblue]

So, like every other stupid pers9n, I read the winners fully aware that i will be destroyed, taken apart like a riffle and dumpted into a lake ( too soon?)

Anyhow. I have so many thoughts, it's wild.

First. BENJI. my whole soul was trembling and aching from the first page. And the knowing of what will happen still didn't stop me from hopping in some twisted way that it might not hold true. I read once that the reason we read tragedies, despite knowing how terribly they end, it's becose we always hold the hope that maybe,just maybe, this time, things will turn differently (that was from a post about hadestown, but let's not go into the details). So despite knowing it was futile, i hoped something will be different, that all that foreshadowing was an elaborate ruse. But somehow... there comes some semblence of piece with knowing the end. With hoping that if there is even a heaven out there, it's for people like him. And it's all full of frozen lakes to skate on and fish zero fish from and all that.

That being said, I have to tell you i cried so much i ended up with a headache. Because this whole book is a testament to so much love and so much hate it's unbelievable.

I never felt as protective over a character as when i heard that peter was threatened to go to prison. Because I love peter. He makes croissants for his wife and bread that covers all the counters in the kitchen and he just wants to feel needed.

And I love how this trilogy is so full of circles. Peter and Alicia the most beautiful one of them all. But also, Zachall and her one time number 16, Maya and the bass singer, amat and the hollow, the baptism of sins through cathedrals. All of it. There is so much violence and injustice and so many people that commit so many wrongs. And despite all of it or maybe exactly for and because of it, there is so much love sipping through each crack. There is a boy named Vidar born in the middle of the forrest. Ana is saving and world. Teemu has a child that hates hockey. The Ovich family can still breathe and hold on to each other. The cherry tree blossoms.