#we're finally past last frost date. It is Time.

[the-lord-of-the-things]

It Begins........

[stray-kids-react]

Polaroid

Han x Fem. Reader Soulmate au

Warnings - Swearing, mentions of sex, and Fluff that'll make you cry.

Masterlist

...

Y/n's pov, November 27 2020

My mother once told me that I will know when I'm in love, she never specified what hints will cross my path... She just said I'll know.

As a young adult now, sharing an apartment with my close friend Yeji. I'm starting to become impatient with this whole game of love, why can't I just get told who is my perfect match. I'm so tired of having my hopes risen up and then crashed down onto my heart... Breaking it each time.

"Any plans today?" Yeji asked from the kitchen, making me cringe at the word plans.

I just was still recovering from a terrible break up, where I caught the supposedly love of my life slurping the life out of his assistants pussy. I won't forget the feeling of my heart completely stopping for a few seconds, as my mind told me to run and not look back.

"Yes actually, I have a date with Netflix and the leftovers in the fridge." I replied, slyly smirking as she stared at me like a worried mother.

"Well Netflix isn't going to have to wait for his turn. Because I have this guy who is really interested you and is a total sweetheart." She sighed, showing me a photo of the guy she was trying to set me up with.

"Yeah... No." I replied, beginning to retreat back to my room.

"Y/n! JISUNG TOLD ME!" Yeji announced, catching my attention from the front of my bedroom door.

"I-it's still a no Yeji." I whimpered, shutting the door harshly behind me as she sighed in defeat.

Yeji's pov

She needs to get out of this place, it's been two weeks now. All over a guy she barely even knew, I know the true reason she is hiding and she will never admit it.

Y/n is scared to see his face again, our best friend Han Jisung. The best friend that she happened to fall in love with, and moved away from after she got accepted into the university of her dreams.

They were never just best friends in anyone's eyes, not even there own. Yet they both tried to fill in the whole in their heart with other people, never realizing that all they had to do was just say three difficult words.

Y/n was in a hurry to find her perfect partner after I found mine, the man next door with the matching tattoo on his wrist. Your tattoo shows up when you are over the age of 19 and are near your soulmate, it shows up on your wrist, neck, or shoulder blade.

She didn't want to see Jisung in case that tattoo never came, they both wouldn't be able to handle the realization. But it is a part of life, and I'm not going to let my best friends live alone when they could have a chance to be in love and happy.

Han wanted to see us both while he was visiting the city, even though he knew the risk of utter devastation. That fake profile was just a set up so that she would finally meet up with Han, and she probably already knew about my plans.

I walked up to her door cautiously, gently brushing my knuckles against her door.

"Y/n... I know why you are actually upset."

Y/n pov

"Because of Han Jisung." I answered, brushing past the old childhood photos saved on my phone.

"I know that's what you were going to say Yeji, and you're right. I know I won't be able to take it if the guy I love isn't the one for me, and that all of those nights alone with him that are coded into my brain are worthless. I'm scared Yeji, I'm scared that I won't be able to think of most of my life without tearing up." I explained, as she plopped down on my bed next to me.

"You're fear will just get worse until you find out, you'll never know the result until you actually try." She replied, placing my head on her shoulder for comfort.

I let out a shaky breath as a couple tears streamed down my cheeks, she was right as usual. But I still needed at least one day to prepare myself.

"Fine, but let me rest today. I'm not going to fancy restraint with puffy eyes and bed head." I remarked, watching as a sly smile spread across her lips.

She slowly began to exit my bedroom, delighted that she finally got her way with me. Not even explaining who that fake date even was, probably just a random guy from Google. It was 11:30 at night, and all of my crying really wore the energy out of my body and mind.

So eventually sleep crossed paths with my mind and hooked up, completely losing consciousness as my memories flashed like a polaroid camera.

December 15th 2018

"I can't believe we're graduating this year, seems like we only started high school yesterday." Jisung sighed, carrying both of our bags while walking home together.

"Don't worry quokka, you'll still carry my bags for me even after high school." I teased, pinching the reddened skin of his cheeks.

"Oh very funny, and you'll still put crackers in your mouth and pretend to be a walrus." He remarked dodging the snowball that came his way.

He set my bags down on my front yard as he gathered his own army of cold fluff balls. I tackled him to the ground as we both drowned the silence in laughter, I traced my frosted mittens across his face. Gently crossing his lips as he brushed the snow chunks from my hair.

The close warmth of his breath against my face sent my heart into a frenzy, I secretly craved the closeness of him... But I never wanted to admit it in case I'd lose him.

His now glossed lips looked so kiss able, the way they pouted as he focused on my hair. And how they stretched into a warm smile that left a fuzzy feeling in my heart for years, made it only harder to stop myself from interlocking them with mine.

"I better get going bun bun. I'll see you tomorrow at school though." Jisung reassured, lightly booping my nose as he left his trail from my snowy front yard. Waving one last time to catch my attention as I was at the front door.

"Farewell loser!" He shouted, showing off that bright smile of his.

"Farewell to you as well, asshole!" I retorted, giggling as I walked into my empty house all alone.

November 28th 2020

Y/n pov

"Wake up! Time for bubble tea!" Yeji screamed, jumping on top of me as she consistently hit me with my own pillows.

"I thought we were meeting Jisung later." I sighed, looking at the red numbers of my alarm clock reading 7:30am.

"Yes we are, but I want bubble tea and to talk with you about some stuff I found out." Yeji replied, pulling me out of bed to soon push me into the washroom.

I complied to her excited energy, understanding it is pretty exciting for her.

The steaming water swallowed every inch of my skin, blocking out all of the noises outside. Only leaving me and the blank wall to stare at, droplets of water racing against each other. A flash of the mirror and sunlight clashing, sending the flash of a polaroid to my memories.

August 16th 2018

Yeji squealed as her boyfriend threw her into the pool, soon joining her in a large cannonball jump. All of his friends danced around with liquor drenching their breath, as their bodies clashed together in ways they didn't fully understand.

It wasn't my style of fun, it instead gave me a wave of fear and stress. Not recognizing any of these people, while they danced around half naked. Yeji's boyfriend decided that she had enough fun for one night, and took her home to rest.

I hurriedly gathered my belongings and rushed out the door, just as excited and horny shouts came from the pool. I was okay to walk home alone, it felt nice to be surrounded my silence for once. Even if my conscious tortured me about every bad possibility.

"Need a drive home party animal?" a familiar voice called from across the road, that voice of the man who has always had my back.

"I'd actually really like that." I replied, feeling a wave of comfort when I entered the car.

"I can tell your a bit freaked out." He sighed, throwing his bad into the backseat.

"That party was just... A lot. A lot more than I expected." I whimpered, still a bit overwhelmed from the experience.

"How about you stay at my place for the night. We'll even watch some American horror story..." Jisung suggested, even though he was shit terrified of anything remotely scary.

"I'm holding you to it quokka." I giggled, slapping his thigh teasingly.

We drove to his home as the car filled with a random playlist of songs, one landing on my favorite 'Turning Page'.

"I didn't know you liked this song." I commented, blushing softly at the tone of the song.

"I want this to be the song that represents me and my soulmate. It sounds cheesy, but it's true." He revealed, glancing my way as the car stopped in the from of his home.

The whole topic of soulmates use to be humorous to me, remembering when me and Han drew matching docks on our palms as 'our' symbol. Even taking a polaroid photo of the amazing art we drew, I still have it in my phone case.

Then it hit me, how much it would hurt to see him destined with someone other then me. That moment when he glanced back into my eyes with a shy smile, is when I admitted to myself for falling madly in love with my best friend.

November 28th 2020

I walked along the streets of our home town, hanging my mask off my chin when sipping my bubble tea.

"You know what's crazy." Yeji started, catching my focus immediately.

"I remember the moment you started crushing on Jisung. You didn't even have to tell me, I already knew." She admitted, gazing at me with only a soft warmth in her eyes.

"It was obvious by how many photos you had of him and you on your wall, and the way you looked at him as if he were your dream person." She continued, texting something on her phone that I couldn't quite see.

"Or how when he caught you staring he'd reply with 'take a picture it'll last longer'... And you always did to get revenge. I will never forget the day I saw you two as more then best friends, that was the same day when I bought you that polaroid camera for Christmas. " She replied, taking a short break as her hands nervously fidgeted with her skirt.

"That's why I want a 'thank you' later on." She mumbled, before running off and leaving me completely stunned on the bench.

"Y/n..."

September 14th 2018

"It's crazy that this is your last day here." I sighed, trying my best not to cry.

He nodded trying to smile the pain away like me, but soon caving in once his arms met my body. I nuzzled into the crook of his neck, hoping I could capture his scent one last time.

"I'll still visit. I can't cope without seeing your face, asshole." He chuckled lightly, sniffling quietly when he retracted his arms away.

He stared at my features for a few long seconds, as if he was contemplating on doing something. Jisung shook his head, smiling brightly once more as he pulled me into one last hug.

As he put his palm on the door knob, I shouted his name one last time. Running across the room towards him, he turned around immediately dropping his bangs on the ground.

He instantly knew what I was going to do, since his lips molded with mine without one ounce of hesitation. His hands lost in my hair, pulling me closer and closer until there was no space between us. Jisung's lips were so much sweeter and softer then any other kiss I've had.

The sweetness was sprinkled with the salty taste of our mixed tears. Only creating more as the kiss began to end, both of us realizing we should've told each other so much sooner.

"I love you." We both sighed at the same time, smiling sadly at the bittersweet sting in our hearts.

November 28th 2020

"Jisung..." I gasped, turning around quickly to make sure I wasn't hallucinating.

"W-wow... You've really. Wow." He stuttered, cautiously inching closer towards me.

"You too." I chuckled airily, swallowing back my tears. I missed him so much, but it hurt too much to see him at the same time.

"Y/n... I know it's been a while. But I honestly came here because I needed to see you. I still love you, and I don't care if we're soul mates or not. I'll sharpie our own symbol on us everyday if I have to." He revealed, grasping my hands between his own.

"I'm sorry that I was being so selfish." I sighed, caving into my own tears. Regretting my fears of seeing him again, feeling terrible for torturing him just as much as I tortured myself.

"We are both scared. It's not our fault, but I just want us to accept that things may not go our way. But that won't stop us from being together." He reassured, lightly brushing frosted his mitten across my features. Glossing over my lips gently, his eyes warm and gentle as they fluttered shut.

I molded into his kiss immediately, lacing my fingers through his silky hair. Soon pulling him closer to my so there was no space between us, making sure no one could try and ruin this moment for us.

His lips still were as sweet as the first time they molded into mine, and his fingertips could still make my legs give out by how gentle they were against my skin. Every emotion flashed through my mind, all my regrets, confidence, love, lust... It all flashed just like a...

"Polaroid." He gasped, tugging my palm next to his as the ink slowly traced the same picture into my palm. The picture of the camera that captured all the moments I treasured with my soulmate, the soulmate that was everything I could've asked for.

[denqis]

sunshine ㅡ terushima yuuji x reader

summary: yuuji has been ignoring you for weeks and you finally snap at his game against karasuno.

warning: tiny sprinkle of angst ; fluff ; use of curse words (like twice or sumn)

word count: 1300

"he's so hot, don't you think? i'd love to date him.."

he sent her a wink while walking past, high-fiving his friend after.

"that's number 12 today. you're really the shooting star of our team."

he shrugged and stepped onto the property surrounding the venue.

"i just wish she was here to see me play."

"aren't you going to see terushima today, y/n? they're playing karasuno, right? he might need your support."

your best friend quizzed, trying to analyze your dull expression.

"he'll get enough support from his fangirls... he doesn't need me."

you mumbled, taking a sip of boba.

"come on, don't be like that. are you still mad?"

of course you were.

he hadn't been at school for weeks and once he returned he treated you like air. he just hung out with his teammates and joked around with everyone but you. it seemed to you that you were just a fling, despite him and everyone around you assuring you he was being serious about your relationship.

he wasn't. you were sure of that now.

"i'll take that as a yes. come on, i'll treat you to your favorite. it won't fix your heart but it may help."

she grinned, looking at the directions to the venue where your boyfriend was playing today.

"don't try and trick me into going to see yuuji. i'm not ready to see him. especially in his jersey and shorts, sweat running down his face, anyways..."

you interrupted yourself, embarrassed at your slip-up. you really were still crushing on him, no matter how hard you tried to deny it.

"aw, you're blushing. come on, let's go."

you only noticed she had tricked you once at the venue.

"fuck you.."

you grumbled, ready to turn on your heel, when you spotted his frosted tips in the crowd.

your heart skipped a beat, blush rising once again.

"terushima!"

your friend yelled out and took your hand before running towards him.

he turned around, spotted the two of you and froze. you really were here.

"y/n!"

he exclaimed giddily and waved.

once you came to a halt in front of him, he wrapped his arms around you, burying your face in his chest.

oh how you had missed his warmth and scent.

but you still weren't ready to forgive him and so you pushed him away, staring right into his eyes.

"now you care?"

"sunshine listen. i'm sorry."

he lifted your chin and leaned in, ready to kiss his guilt and your jealousy away.

"you have a girlfriend? then why did you ask for shimizu's number yesterday?"

a small, orange-haired boy halted and turned his head to the left, visibly confused.

that was the last straw for you. you had enough.

"wow, just wow yuuji. i'm done playing your little game. don't text or call anymore. i hope you choke on your ego. i-i.."

your throat tightened up and you couldn't hold back anymore. all the frustration, jealousy and pain pent up from the past weeks spilled out all at once.

tears streamed down your cheeks as you struggled to breathe.

"i hate you, i hate myself, i hate that i like you."

you choked out and walked off, until his strong hand got a grip around your wrist.

"y/n. let's talk."

you didn't want to talk, you couldn't talk. you were too busy crying in public and embarrassing yourself.

but yuji simply pulled you into the venue, through corridors and into the changing room, locking the door behind you, before starting.

"it's true i asked for her number. it's true that i ignored you at school, but that's all just because i was so nervous and didn't know what to do. you make my brain foggy, i can't think straight when i'm around you. she reminded me so much of you, i couldn't help it. i know that's a sucky excuse, but i just don't know how to explain myself. i just want to ask you for a second chance. please forgive me. i really like you."

"you should focus on volleyball, apparently it's the only thing you care about anyways."

you shot, tears slowing down.

"i care about you! volleyball is my hobby but you.. you're more than that. you make me happier than volleyball ever could. please y/n, i'm begging you to forgive me."

his lower lip quivered as he took one step closer to you.

"please.."

you kept quiet, nibbling at your lower lip, you were torn. but when he took another step towards you and you could see his thick lashes surrounding his glistening eyes, tears threatening to fall from them, it suddenly became clear.

"fuck, yuuji.."

you whimpered, a blush present on your cheeks and a blush quickly spreading on his face as well.

"you better kiss me like no one's watching right now or i'll leave for good."

he suddenly perked up, hands caressing your face and pulling you into a kiss, lips fitting together like two pieces of a puzzle.

"do your best."

you whispered breathlessly in between kisses, before his hands wandered your body and settled on your butt.

"y-yuuji."

you shrieked, as he just giggled and pulled you closer.

"you said like no one's watching."

you felt his tongue piercing press against your slightly parted lips and let out a sigh, granting him entry.

"terushima! the game's about to start!"

a male voice called, causing the two of you to fly apart, with racing hearts and swollen lips.

"i'll be right there!"

he yelled and pecked your lips one last time.

"i'll do my best for you. cheer me on."

"so, we lost."

he stood in front of you, hair still wet from the shower, scratching the back of his head sheepishly.

"but we had fun and put up a good fight."

he continued, ruffling his hair with the towel dangling over his shoulders.

"i guess i wasn't really a good luck charm.."

you admitted, astonished by the radiating happiness and positive vibes coming from yuuji.

"are you kidding? my girlfriend is the best good luck charm of all!"

he beamed and embraced you tightly, before pecking your forehead.

"don't doubt yourself too much. i hate seeing you taking yourself down all the time. you're amazing."

your face turned crimson in no time, causing you to turn away quickly.

"let's go grab some food, i'm starving."

he chirped, taking your hand and walking out of the venue.

"thank you for coming today, sunshine."

you looked up at his sparkling eyes and bright smile, catching a slight pink blush on his cheeks.

suddenly, you halted and stared at your crush.

"yuuji, what exactly are we?"

you quizzed, expecting a characteristic dumb or non-telling answer, but what you got instead left you shaken.

"we're a couple, dumb dumb. i thought i had made myself clear? i like you, hell, i love you."

he laughed, while you just stood there, heart pounding relentlessly fast and limbs trembling.

"you.. you never asked me out properly, though."

you had a tiny pout on your lips, you had always dreamed of a romantic date, him asking you to be his girlfriend at a candle lit dinner at a fancy restaurant, but then again it's terushima yuuji you were talking about. he considered mcdonalds to be a five-star restaurant.

a smirk suddenly adorned his lips as he leaned in.

"be..."

a kiss landed on your forehead.

"my..."

another peck fluttered onto your left cheek.

"girl..."

another followed shortly on your right cheek.

"friend?"

finally, he locked his lips with yours and pulled you into a tight, loving embrace.

"yes."

was all you could reply, as his lips recaptured yours again after seconds apart. you melted into his arms, hands caressing his face.

[steamingramyun]

perfect ; xmh.

summary ➷

you’re getting ready for a date you don’t really want to go on. luckily, minghao, your college sweetheart, is always there to cheer you on. 

pairing ➷

xu minghao x fem reader feat. jeon wonwoo

genre ➷

oneshot, angst, fluff

just a little.... bit of sadness. 

word count ➷

3696 words

alternative universe ➷

non-idol au, college sweethearts.

warnings ➷

major character death, illusions, and memories due to grief.

author’s note ➷

i read something like this a while ago, about someone holding on to their ex’s memory and i decided to write it for minghao since anon wanted a sad!minghao fic.. this one rly hit me in the feels when i wrote it like i kid u not i was crying in my pants at 3am in the morning. anyway, i hope you enjoy. 

--

[7 november 2019; 1 year after]

“isn’t this like, too much? i don’t know maybe it’s too seductive or something, maybe i look like i’m trying too hard? do i?” you said nervously, turning to your side and pulling the hem of your dress down as you looked in the mirror. the light blue sundress came to just above your knee, exposing your legs. it had been an impulse buy on a shopping trip your friends had dragged you out on to “get some sun”. kind of ironic that you’d ended up with a sundress of all things. you’d paired the sleeveless dress with a pair of white tennis shoes, simple gold studs on your ears to match the gold anklet that curled around your right leg. 

“is it really too showy? it’s the first date anyway, maybe it’s too much right..” you bit your lip, letting out a deep breath and surveying your reflection. you turned towards the boy perched on your bed, who was looking up at you with a smile on your face. “well? is it?”

“you’re going out for lunch, right? you look perfect, baobei, like always,” he replied, almond-shaped eyes studying your outfit. “and you’re wearing the anklet i got you. definitely a winner.”

“i never take it off, hao-ah,” you touch the piece of jewelry gingerly, the charms smooth on your fingers. you stop at the infinity sign charm, sighing with a sad smile. 

[12 december 2017; 11 months before]

“it’s an infinity sign, i put it there because i wanted you to know that i’ll be by your side for an infinite number of days,” minghao said shyly, blushing as you looked at him from across the couch. “wow, is this xu minghao being cheesy? where’s my camera i need to record this,”

it had been a lazy night in for the two of you, but minghao had come home and surprised you with a beautiful gold anklet with all your favourite things on it. you loved it, of course, but your boyfriend really wasn’t one for cheesy gifts or anything cheesy for that matter. if you weren’t lying on the couch with your feet in his lap, you’d have pinched his cheeks for how cute he was being. 

“shut up, y/n,” he pouted, a deep red blush continuing to creep up his cheeks at your comment. you only grinned wider. “oh my gosh hao, you’re blushing, you cheesy hoe,”

instead of a pout this time, though, you got a mischievous grin from your boyfriend as he began tickling your feet. you yelped, giggling uncontrollably and jerking your feet away from him although it proved useless once he’d moved up and begun attacking your side and neck. you’d never laughed more in your life than you had that night. 

“still. you always look perfect,” he said in his usual calm, matter-of-fact tone, leaning back against the pillows, “well i mean unless you’re covered in purple cupcake frosting,”

his too-long bangs fell into his eyes as he burst into a new fit of laughter. you almost instinctively told him to shut up and get his bangs trimmed, but bit back as a smile formed on your face. his bangs were always too long, and you always loved seeing him smile. even if it was about an unfortunate event involving your niece’s school bake sale and the frosting that you’d made for the cupcakes. “we don’t talk about that. it was one time,”

“sure we don’t. but remember our first date? you showed up in a denim jacket even though it was like, boiling outside,” he teased, pushing his bangs out of his face and adjusting the blanket around his legs. “i could tell you were dying, your cheeks were flushed. but it was cute so i didn’t say anything,”

you wrinkled your nose at him, crossing your arms. “i only wanted to impress you! i was going on a date with a dance major, y’all are overly fashionable and put together for no good reason! i was pressured. but then of course you went and showed up in just a plain t-shirt and jeans and ended up looking like a mf GOD.”

you pouted at him through the mirror, watching him shake his head and pat the spot on the bed next to him. you plop down on it readily, letting out a big sigh. “i’m nervous, what if he hates me once we're on the date itself. like he’s cute but it’s kind of weird that we met at grief support group.. plus it's even weirder that we’re going to the theme park after lunch, right?”

for a few moments, minghao didn’t reply. the theme park was somewhere special for the two of you and had been a fortnightly affair back when you were in your second semester of college because of how close it was to your school. you hadn’t been there for nearly a year though since it had been too much of a hassle and too tiring to go for him after he'd gotten sick. “i think you should just go and have fun, babe,”

“but hao - he’s not you-”

“don’t say that,” minghao interrupted, his tone going serious as he looked at you with piercing eyes. minghao always had a sort of finality and sureness about what he said, and you met his gaze nervously before he continued. “you’re beautiful. you were perfect for me and if this guy doesn’t see you the way i did then i think he’s an idiot. so stop second-guessing yourself and just have fun.”

“but-“ you hesitate for a moment, but his eyes don’t leave yours and you end up giving in to him, sighing in defeat. “fine, okay,”

you get off the bed and go into the bathroom, finishing up your makeup and instinctively brushing pale red eyeshadow onto your eyelids, it'd always been minghao's favourite colour on you. 

finishing your hair in a ponytail, you walk out with a wide grin on your face but look down only to see your ex-boyfriend asleep, his chest rising and falling rhythmically with each breath. your smile fell a little as you watched him, memories of the past you both had shared still fresh in your head. 

you were still undeniably in love with him, sith the way his slightly-too-long hair fell in his face in the mornings when you both woke up, with the way his eyes crinkled up and disappeared when he smiled too wide, with how he'd always spend too much time choosing an outfit in the mornings for dance practice and asking you if it was dancer-y enough, with his intense passion for everything he did and loved. you loved how the two of you used to go on spontaneous dates, to the beach near your campus at 2 in the morning or to the convenience store when you were craving ramen and ice cream. you loved how easy, how effortless being in love with minghao had been, even when it had gotten tough on the two of you in the last months when his situation had taken a toll on the both of you. all you wanted was him, everything about him, and it was all you'd have ever needed in life. but clearly that wasn't the way the universe willed it to be for you. 

if you were being honest, you didn't even know why you were going on this date. but everyone was forcing it on you, they'd been forcing it on you for over a month. your friends sent you tinder profiles and screenshots of eligible classmates' instagram accounts. they all felt it was time for you to find someone new- it had been almost a year, after all. but you'd been asked out by wonwoo two days ago at the support group, and the two of you had actually been getting along quite well. as an added bonus, he was an economics major at your school so the two of you had been getting quite close over the past few weeks, spending time studying together and eating lunch together in between classes. but somehow.. you still felt hesitant. 

"hao! i'm ready," you call, waking minghao from his short nap. "and i'm twenty minutes early."

he blinked at you tiredly, smiling at how pretty you looked before shooting you a mischievous grin. "you always were too early," 

his light teasing made you want to push him as he mischievously pulled the blankets all the way up until only his eyes and the top of his head were exposed, eyes crinkling at the corners as he giggled once more. you went for it but then hesitated, watching him as he calmed down and pushed the blankets down again.

“hao…” you said softly, looking down at him.

he opened one cat-like eye at you, intrigued and attentive. “yes, baobei?”

“i think- i think i still love you,” you admitted shamefully, tears filling your eyes and trickling down your cheek as you clasped your hands tightly, knuckles turning white from the force, "and i don't know if i'm ready to let go of you just yet."

shaking his head, he sat up before meeting your eyes and smiling sadly at you with an odd sort of familiar fondness. "i love you too, Y/N, i always will. but don’t cry for me anymore, okay? you can move on too, i want you to be happy. don't cry for me anymore.”

you don't know what to say, silently staring into space but eventually turning back into the bathroom to fix your make-up. you finished it, walking back out only to be greeted by minghao's proud smile. "you look beautiful. like always," 

even if you had no make-up on, or were wearing the world's most horrifying pair of patterned pants, minghao always thought you were beautiful. and he always told you so, no matter what.

[20 september 2018; 3 months before.]

you'd been working on your essay for the past hour or so, sitting in the padded chair next to minghao's bed as you waited for him to wake up. you were halfway through your third point when you'd heard the sheets shift next to you. 

"y/n.. you're still here? you have class tomorrow, baobei, go back to your dorm and get some real sleep, please, the visitor's chairs are very uncomfortable," he said tiredly, eyes half open and hand squeezing yours gently. you tried not to show how worried you were about how cold his hand felt in yours. 

"i- it's okay, at least here i can look like a mess without the nurses judging me, right? if i go back to school i'll have to do my makeup to look decent," you said quickly, not wanting to leave his side yet. you did look like a mess, your hair in a bun, still wearing your clothes from the dance practice you'd run from and lipstick cracking because of the dry hospital air. it probably wouldve been a good idea to go home, but you couldnt bring yourself to do it. you watched as he frowned slightly, obviously not wanting you to waste your time or cause you to lose precious sleep and rest by making you stay with him. 

"you still look beautiful, baobei, you'll always look beautiful to me. but you'll be more grateful if you go back and get some real sleep okay? i'm not going anywhere anytime soon," he joked, gesturing to himself and the iv needle poking out from his elbow. "so go back, get some rest, and come here even more beautiful for me,"

and so you'd gone home that day, but returned every day after you classes. minghao'd stopped going to his two months before.

you smiled at him as confidently as you could, tightening your ponytail and grabbing your handbag. "i guess i'm ready, huh?" 

minghao nodded in affirmation at you, pulling back the covers to reveal the black cotton dance pants he always wore to practice but had also taken to wearing to bed because they were so comfortable. he slipped his feet into the slippers you still kept around for him under your bed, standing up and going out of your room and to the downstairs part of your apartment. 

you quickly followed his figure down, butterflies of anxiety filling your stomach and chest. when you got downstairs, minghao was on the couch, bottom half covered with one of your many extra blankets and a book in his hand, reading intently like you'd always see him when you got back from school.

[15 october 2018; 50 days before.]

"good evening, baby," you called to your boyfriend who was in his usual spot on the couch, a cup of tea on the table and a book in his hand. he looked exhausted, skin slightly pale and cold, a stark contrast from the healthy glow you remembered from months ago. "how do you feel?" 

"tired," he said softly, leaning into your neck as you came to sit with him, "and a little sick, but better now that you're back here," 

you felt bad, ever since minghao had started treatments you'd always tried to be back early so you could go with him. but that particular day you had a dance class to teach at night and couldn't make it, so your friend jun had offered to go with minghao instead. you felt guilty because you knew how sick treatments made minghao feel, but you also knew he was far too stubborn to let the bad feelings show if it meant compromising your own routine and activities. that night the two of you had just cuddled on the couch, falling asleep together to harry potter and the goblet of fire playing in the background. 

"babe? i'm still nervous. i can't shake it," you approached, sitting down on the other couch and lacing up your shoes. this time he really didn't reply at all, only shaking his head and looking up at you meaningfully. you know what he would've said, he'd told you everything earlier. 

"i'll come visit you later, okay?" you promised, standing up and slipping your wallet and phone into your handbag. he waved you off, "no need, i'll be fine."

you sighed. he'd always been the one to pay you visits when you needed them the most, though. 

[6 april 2018; 8 months before.]

you ran your hand through your hair again, gently massaging your scalp in attempt to relieve the gnawing headache that had been plaguing you for the past two hours. finals season was absolutely brutal, and you couldn't tell how long you'd been studying but you were far from sanity and could barely digest any more information. 

a knock on your door pulled you from your desk, and you nearly melted with relief when you saw a smiling minghao holding a takeaway tupperware of noodles and a box of fruits for you. "i heard someone was being killed by the exam monster," 

he'd calmed you down that night, making sure you finished all your food and rubbing your shoulders with traditional medicated oils to relieve the tension in your head and neck. the next day, you'd done the exam with a clear head and passed with flying colours. 

you couldn't do the same for minghao now, but the least you could do was pay him a visit like you knew he would have done for you. even if it was after a date. 

putting his book down, he gave you the same stern look as he had earlier. "baobei, you know you can let me go right? you don't have to keep holding on like this. you're strong, i know you can. maybe you'll be happier when you do,"

"no. i don't want to," you retorted quickly, snapping a little. he did nothing but sigh in response. "then i guess you're going to be late for your date,"

you looked over to the clock and nodded, slinging your handbag over your shoulder and looking at him expectantly. "well? you're coming too, right?" 

he sighed again, but rose from the couch anyway and slipped on his pair of dance shoes you kept in the shoe cabinet next to the door. you walked out of your apartment together, taking the elevator down and walking out onto the almost-empty street of your campus- it was the new year season and everyone had gone home to their families, but you were a foreign student and wonwoo lived too far away from campus to go home. 

"i hope wonwoo's nice.. from what interaction we've had he seems pretty chill," you chimed, trying to break the tension that was growing between minghao and you. 

"i think he'll be great," minghao replied quickly, "and i'm sure the two of you will make a great couple, i know he'll make you happy," 

you pulled a smile onto your face, but it was far from genuine. minghao could tell. of course he could tell, he'd been with you for years. but as much as he knew you didn't want to be on this date, he knew it'd be good for you to try some chance at love again. 

the two of you finally arrived in front of the small café you'd agreed to meet wonwoo at, but instead of going in you stopped at the entrance hesitantly. "hao? i can't go, i just can't."

"y/n, this is for the best okay? you like wonwoo, from what you said i know he likes you too," minghao sighed, "this is why i shouldn't have come, how many times do i have to tell you to let go?" 

"i know, but i just-" you say desperately, but you don't know what to say anymore. you know he's right, you know everyone is right by telling you to move on. 

"i can't keep being here for you, baobei,"

"i love you minghao,"

silence. another deep sigh. 

"i know you do," 

a pause. silence. more tension. and then, finally, "y/n, i need to go,"

you panicked immediately, head shooting up in shock as you begged him to stay. "what? no, no no no, minghao you can't go anywhere, you have to stay here with me, you have to stay with me," 

you reached for his wrist but he was too fast for you, pulling away before your fingers could touch his skin.

"minghao you can't leave me, please,"

"i have to go,"

"you can't, i need you!" 

but he didn't reply. there were tears in your eyes, tears that were hot with anger and pain and grief and guilt all at the same time. tears threatening to spill down your cheeks, but he didn't reply even then, only walking further away from you. 

"minghao, please. minghao you cant leave me again!" you said helplessly, your voice raised, drawing attention to yourself. you felt the concerned gazes of passers-by on you as you panickedly looked around for minghao's tall figure, but he was nowhere to be seen. he was gone. 

"hao, i can't do this without you," you whispered helplessly to the air. "i need you to be in my infinity," 

"you can. you can and you will. you're everything anyone could ever want,, y/n you're perfect," you hear minghao's soft voice echo in your head. you freeze, letting a single tear fall and trickle down your cheek. "you're perfect no matter what," 

you shook your head again, denying it. "i can't let you go, i can't,"

but then you could've sworn you felt his hand in yours, warm and full of life again. the same hand you'd held through thick and thin that had grown colder and paler but was now back to the state it had been in when you'd first met. the hand that had kept you strong for years. 

"you can. and you will be happy for years and years to come and then we will meet again. i promise," you rubbed the tear from your cheek, listening to his voice for the last time in your head. you knew he was right, you knew he was right just like all of your friends. you'd spent months avoiding people because you'd thought that you had all you needed at home, that the memory of a love you'd lost was always going to be enough for you. but he was gone, he'd become a star in your night sky and it finally became real to you that he wasn't there anymore, and it was high time that you move forward with your life. 

you could see his smile in your head, the smile you'd woken up to on countless mornings and fallen asleep to on countless nights. you thought you'd be lost without him, to guide you, relying on a memory to get you through the pain. but as you looked through the window of the café and saw wonwoo smiling at you, sitting at a table for two with two cups of iced coffee in front of him, you knew it was okay. 

minghao wasn't here anymore. but it was okay. 

"i'll see you soon, hao-hao," you whispered with finality as you walked into the café and waved at wonwoo. xu minghao had been the best thing that had ever happened to you. and you knew it would take a while, but for him, you had to try to learn to be happy with someone else. 

so you take your seat from across wonwoo, and smile brightly at him. "hey, wonwoo, sorry to keep you waiting so long,"

"no, it's fine, i heard from soonyoung that today's actually a difficult day for you,, not a very first date question but it's your ex-boyfriend's birthday isn't it? the one you come to support group for,"

"it is, but i figured he'd want me to have fun today instead of wasting it alone at home feeling sad," you pause for a second, "he passed away a year ago, actually. he, um, got sick when we were in our junior year of college together," 

wonwoo smiled and nodded at you, listening to what you had to say. "i'm glad you decided to finally take a chance, y/n," 

"yeah," you smiled back, sipping on your coffee with newfound lightness on your shoulders. "yeah, me too, wonwoo,"