#wehappfyfew

[sea-side-scribbles]

Fanfiction: You Always Meet Twice

link to ao3

Chapter 44

Morrie felt empty inside when he leaned the wooden stick back against the wall. Angry too, but most of all empty. Facing the two mattresses on the floor, he only snatched the pocket watch and fled upstairs into his bedroom. It was the only place he never invaded. The only place that was still his own.

There, Morrie sat in his armchair and fumbled with the watch for another while until he realized he had no idea what he was doing and he couldn't focus on it anyway. Frustrated, he slapped it onto his bed stand and grabbed the book instead. He needed something to distract him from this horrible moment. A different world to explore, just to let this day end and have a fresh, new start.

But he flipped through the pages like a robot. He had to read them multiple times because he didn't pay attention to what was happening. He didn't notice if the story was a light hearted adventure or a romance or even a scientific research. What he noticed instead was the sound of rain that began to patter against his windows. When he turned his head, he found the sky darkened by thick clouds and it poured down as if the Garden meant to make up for all the sunshine in the past days.

Immediately, Morrie thought that everyone outside must get soaking wet within seconds.

He stared at the window for a long time before he attended to the book again. Luckily, the Garden was full of ruins, he thought. Enough places to hide. And there was the town of course. For someone who knew his way around, it wasn't a problem.

Knowing this soothed him. Nick knew everything he needed to know. All he had to do was to repeat what he learned. He had water, he had food, he knew enough potential places to sleep and there were campfires on the roads in town....The Garden was his home now, he was fine.

Morrie breathed in and out, calming himself down. The sound of rain was even comforting. He listened to it with closed eyes. The Garden held still now. Wastrels hid in their homes, even Headboys crawled back into their cellars. Despite being soaked, walking in the rain was actually safe. It was unlikely anyone cared unless someone was looking for trouble themselves. Everyone calmed down, focused on the most important things and waited.

Also Morrie was calm, pretended to be. It was a strange situation because he knew he was hurt but the pain didn't come through yet. So he forced himself to read more and after a while, he finally managed to focus on the story. He read a chapter, dove into that other world, dealt with problems he didn't have to take seriously and comforted himself like that. When the chapter was done, he decided to leave the rest for later since he wouldn't run into another book so soon. Outside, it was still raining and it was quite dark, simply because of the cloudy sky.

Then Morrie's gaze fell on his empty bed and he made a decision. He put the book on the night stand and left the bedroom. While he carried his mattress back upstairs, he felt as if something wanted to break out of his stomach. Something big and winding. He pushed it down as good as he could. When he was done, the bed looked the same again. Nothing changed, nothing destroyed.

He carried the other one up as well. Now, this bed was ready for unexpected guests again. Perhaps some who deserved it. The thought provoked another attempted outbreak that he had to fight down.

When he picked up the curtain from the floor, he was numb. He wondered what to do with it and couldn't make a choice. Did it matter? Well, it was precious material, he had to treat it as that, so he folded it and brought it into his bedroom as well. And then he felt lost. Why wasn't it night yet?, he wondered. Gosh, he had forgotten how long the days were when there was nothing to do! What did he actually do in these situations?

Morrie listened to his body, but all he could come up with were the cans in the dresser on the 3rd floor. Dinner then, he decided. He'd just sleep early. End this day. A warm meal would help.

Opening the drawer, he noticed how many cans he had used up in the past days and his anger came back. It was a faint feeling in his numbed guts but enough to stir him. Wasted, he thought. For him. Everything always for him. What a nice traitor he was. The notion made him smile, but bitterly. He blinked, fighting another breakdown. It was over, no damage done, he told himself. You helped him to survive and all was fine.

Morrie picked a can and made himself dinner, just like the old days. He also began to feel a little more like then. Future tasks began to occupy his mind. He needed more logs, more material. Idling around was over. This had taken too long, he needed to go back to work. He ate without really tasting the food. He sensed the temperature and that was all he could deal with. The turmoil inside him dominated his stomach and he was glad that it didn't make him choke.

When he was done, he attempted to relish the warm fire for another while, but he became impatient. Normally, he would enjoy this calm moment, let his mind wander. But it was spinning enough and he just wanted it to end. For a second he considered bringing his mattress back downstairs, but he didn't like what it implied, so he put the fire out and went to bed. It didn't take long until he pulled the curtain over his head. He felt a little better then. Eventually, he fell asleep.

When he woke up, the sun greeted him again, blazing through the windows. Still, he felt just as numb as he had the day before. He only sensed the urge to move on with the day. He began his morning walk just as always, noticing how long the way felt when nobody distracted him. And how quiet. The Garden had turned back into it's meditative state. Morrie heard his own footsteps scrunch on the pebbles. The wind rustled. A few birds chirped here and there. That was it.

On the hill, he couldn't help looking out for him. Considering this was the only water source he knew, he'd show up here probably. Unless he found that one in the village. Yeah, that was also possible.

When Morrie didn't find who he was afraid to see, he turned away again. He was alone at the pump, filling all of his empty canteens. He remembered that he wouldn't have to do this every morning anymore. He had only wanted to teach Nick to care for himself. As if Nick ever cared for anyone else in the first place.

Morrie then idled around, scanning the landscape, wondering why he didn't show up. Why he didn't use what he already knew. Because he was here, Morrie assumed. Not fond of a meeting, understandably. Still very impractical.

Well, Nick wasn't an early bird, Morrie mused then. Perhaps he was still asleep. Snoring the hell out of his neighbours in the village. Morrie flashed a smile at the thought. He couldn't help keeping an eye on his surroundings while he walked home.

Then something occurred to him and his already fragile state faltered for a second. He stared at the canteens in his hands. Nick had left with none, hadn't he? There had been no time to get one. Well, he'd find others in the village, Morrie assured himself. They weren't exactly rare, he had just meant for Nick to get his own things. It didn't have to happen like this, he couldn't help thinking. If Nick had been honest, more careful- or maybe if he hadn't been honest at all... No! No!

Now Morrie felt sick, thinking about what would've happened if Nick never told him... Living another lie, with only Nick knowing everything, keeping control of the situation, as always. Believing that Morrie had something to atone for. After all he did for him. But now he had left all his belongings here and Morrie wished he could drop them at his feet.

He ate berries without paying attention. He just scanned the area, glad that nobody came along. His mind was still going through all the options Nick had in the Garden. He really didn't need to come here, he told himself. It meant nothing. Also, Nick wouldn't wake up so early, as he already found out. All was well.

When Morrie was sated, he hurried home and there he remembered more of the things that Nick had left. The damn chest under the bed! It wasn't that Nick could've carried this on his own anyway. Why did he give him this?, Morrie asked himself. Damn, he really planned keeping him forever, didn't he? What a fool he was! And now what?

He could ignore it. He could get rid of it, throw it's contents away. But it felt wrong, even though other Wastrels wouldn't mind finding them.

Morrie stood in front of said bed, unable to go anywhere else. He just stared, wondering if he could ignore the chest under it. He didn't see it from here, he could try to forget that it existed. As if he'd ever forget that. Defeated, he knelt down and reached out. He carefully ran his hands over the wooden lid, pondering. He couldn't get himself to open it. Only a sudden flash of courage helped him out.

Above all things, there was the Nonsuch blossom, glowing faintly as the dim light poured into the chest. Morrie picked it up, thinking that it would wither anyway, so he could remove it. Also, it was kitschy and stupid. But then he couldn't do it. It was Nick's still, just like the rest.

Then he saw the pencil Nick had been so excited about and he felt another pang in his chest. It was a real shame. This didn't have to stay here. What would Morrie do with it anyway? Compose? He turned the pencil in his hand, thinking of his good old days as a musician. Who would listen to his songs now? And how would he play them here? He still had melodies in his head, but...the most recent had aged very poorly. Also, it would feel wrong to use the pencil. It was Nick's. For fuck's sake!

He put it back and looked at the rest. The usual cloth straps and bobby pins from the cellar...and the little figure of a dog. It looked at Morrie and he was sure that it's look was disapproving. He pulled it out of the rubble and examined it. It was so silly, but...Nick had clung to this during his breakdown. How precious was it for him? Did he miss it now? Regret that he left it here? He wouldn't come back to ask...

Morrie huffed at that. No, Nick would rather visit Foggy Jack than him again. The former star wasn't stupid, he knew when he fucked up. Apparently, because he didn't come back.

Morrie noticed that his cheeks became wet and he had to gasp. He curled into a ball right where he was and cried until his head pounded and his eyes burned. The same old questions span in his head. Why did Nick have to be like this? Why was he cursed to see Nick again and why was he still so stupid?

Morrie didn't find an answer to any of his questions. When he was out of tears and shaking, at least the pressure was gone that had tortured him since the day before. He felt the need to give the past phase of his life a proper goodbye. He wanted to be fair. A look out of the window assured him that he had enough time, so he gathered the Nick's belongings and went outside.

This journey was more dire, too. Also, Morrie wasn't in an ideal mood to walk this way again, but he couldn't imagine a more comfy place to hide. It would also protect him from the rain. Morrie prepared himself for even meeting Nick there. Again, not ideal, but he had a good reason to go there. He wasn't crawling back. He'd make sure to get that point across. But he couldn't keep Nick's belongings just because he didn't want to meet him again.

The house appeared on the horizon and still looked the same, of course. Even if it seemed to be more cold. Morrie was sure that the ivy's green had been more lush before and the flowers in the front garden had been brighter. Just an illusion, he thought. Just like Nick himself.

At this point, Morrie would've accepted it if he dreamed all this. If his mind had played a cruel game with him, bringing back the man he wanted to love but never got the chance. But if this was an illusion, it would still go on, right? Why would he wake up?

These thoughts distracted him from the familiar building when he climbed over the wall and sneaked up the stairs. All was quiet. Well, Nick wouldn't stay here all day and make a ruckus, right?

Eyeing the second floor above him, Morrie noticed something else. Did Nick manage to climb up here yet? There wasn't a rope or anything attached to the planks that showed that he found a solution. But it actually wasn't too much of a problem... Morrie searched downstairs for more stones and put them on top of the stairs. Now it was easier to reach the plank from there. It should work and give him a sign.

Seeing the bed again made his stomach turn. He approached it slowly, as if Nick could suddenly materialize on it. When he stood close to the bed and it was still empty, he began to dump the insides of his purse onto it. Then he took some time arranging the things as if he was setting a dinner table for a party. In the end, he used the cloth straps to wrap the belongings into them. He let them stick out just enough to hint at what was inside while protecting them, so Nick wouldn't take them for a pile of rubbish.

Then his gaze fell on the view that had been so beautiful a day ago. He considered to stay, to just conveniently happen to be here... But a second later, he found that this was stupid. There was no way to explain it. He didn't mean to meet him in person. He just wanted to set things right. So he...he would just leave...?

He noticed that he was sitting on the bed, making himself comfortable, so he quickly shot up. Glancing back at the little package, he realized that he felt more like saying goodbye now than when he had chased Nick out. After leaving his belongings here, there would be no more signs of him at home. But it was the better choice, he told himself. Nick would find them. He knew this place. And if he showed up at his house, he could tell him where his stuff was and he didn't have to let him inside.

“Goodbye, Nick”, he whispered to the bed. “Stick to what I told you. Stay safe. That's all I wanted.” Leaving the room felt like leaving Nick behind. Morrie stopped to look back, but the room was still empty. The planks creaked in the wind and the ivy rustled.

Morrie forced himself to climb down and when he had brought enough distance between him and the house, it became easier to move on. The numbness came back. The pressure too, but only faintly. He went home in a fast pace and didn't look back again.

[sea-side-scribbles]

Fanfiction: You Always Meet Twice

link to ao3

Chapter 35

Morrie was the first to wake up in the morning, as always. But this time, he felt no rush to get up and start with the day. He still held Nick in his arms and the smaller body warmed him. Carefully, he dug his nose into the auburn hair and closed his eyes again. As his own body tingled of joy and affection, he flashed an unseen smile. This is what he had wished for all these years. To continue where they had stopped.

Who knew they had to wake up many years later in a ramshackle hut for that, sleeping on dirty mattresses and having barely enough cloth to dress themselves?

Morrie felt Nick's corduroy suit under his hands, the iconic one that had been gaudy and soft in the old days. He could still see the image of the once famous idol in his mind's eye, the way he had adored him, even when it had become obvious that he slowly destroyed himself.

He realized that, ironically, Nick would've ended up here anyway. There was nothing he could've done to prevent this. Wellington Wells was a cruel world and everyone's days in Hamlyn Village were numbered.

Morrie felt his mind shift. Remembering what Nick did to him still hurt, but the present washed over his pain, numbed it as a different feeling became stronger: Nick had been a clueless pawn in the game as well and that he had been cruel because he had been made to be this way.

Joy was the cause, the target of Morrie's anger. Knowing that he himself had been drugged and mindless made him cramp. He was glad he didn't remember every detail, every part of his actions under the influence of Joy. What he knew was enough to embarrass him.

He pressed his eyes shut and focused on Nick again, sensed the other man's body against his own. Slowly, he relaxed. They were living in a cruel world, but Morrie realized that at least they weren't alone. Now things would be different. No drugs would keep them from acting out their true feelings, their true character. He saw the real Nick and he...he loved him. He wouldn't let him go. As he had promised before, he would protect him. Keep him from hurting himself, in case it ever happened again. They wouldn't live in luxury but they would be themselves.

Taking in his conclusion, Morrie lay still for another while. Nick was sleeping, unaware of the toil in the other man's mind. Unaware of how his mere presence soothed him.

Then Morrie noticed that there was nobody else here, no matter how many people roamed about in the crowded space of his mind. The house was silent and there was just the two of them. No fans, no critics and no other Wastrel would stand in-between. Everything that happened depended on them. On him. The fact made Morrie nervous.

It had been easier to seek Nick's attention among all the chaos and to stutter his way through when they had met for a couple of minutes. But now they had all the time in the world. Time to find out if he could even be a good lover or if he would shy Nick away as soon as he tried. He wiped his cheek against Nick's shoulder, fighting the panic that began flooding his veins. The touch comforted him. Just stay here with me.

So far, Morrie had the impression that all Nick needed was kindness and understanding. And survival skills. He hoped that it would be enough. Closing his eyes again, he imagined himself to be just that. Kind and understanding. He imagined himself helping Nick through the day and not making a fool out of himself. Not hurting or scaring him either, and not ignoring him.

When he felt ready, he touched Nick's shoulder to softly shake him awake, like he always did. Soon after, he heard Nick quietly suck in the air and moan. The rockstar held still for a moment, as if he needed to think and Morrie wondered if he should say something, but his tongue refused to move. Before he could get himself to make a sound, Nick turned around and pressed himself against Morrie.

The Wastrel was dumbfounded. He waited for Nick to say something, to complain, to beg, but the man lay cuddled against him as if he was at peace with the world and himself. As if Morrie was all he needed. Tears welled up in the corners of his eyes. How did he get so far while trying to shove him away? This was impossible, but there he was, in his arms and not moving to get out.

Morrie hugged him tightly, rubbed his back and kissed his hair, welcoming him by his side once more. Nick stirred again and let out a guttural sound that made Morrie's neck hair stand on end. Not hesitating to play along, he craned his neck to reach him. He had placed a few kisses on Morrie's cheek before their lips met. Morrie sank into the kiss, let it carry him away. His senses prickled at the touch. It was all he wanted.

Nick, however, held onto Morrie for dear life. His hands had found their way to the other man's back and clasped the rough fabric. Now that Nick had his attention, we was determined to not let him go again. He gave that kiss his all, as if it was a contest. In some way, it was. Would Morrie trust him one day? Nick could only fight for it. His eager touches gave a away that he craved him fully.

Eventually, Morrie retreated by lifting his head out of reach and gasping for air. Suddenly starving, Nick couldn't help emitting a loud, desperate whine and squeeze into their hug.

Morrie's mind raced. He had meant to end it now, but Nick's reaction made him feel sorry. He fondled Nick's hair and brushed his lips against the man's forehead. This caused Nick to look up and Morrie could barely handle the begging, green eyes. He cupped his idol's face, stroked his cheek and wondered how to make him not feel rejected while getting the point across. Halfway through his thoughts, he began to kiss the beloved freckles. After realizing his mistake, his insides flared up and he stiffened. How was Nick supposed to understand if he couldn't stop himself?

Looking back at Nick, however, he found a relaxed and tender expression. The rockstar blinked with heavy eyelids, then pressed his head against Morrie's chest, ready to cuddle some more. Morrie's heart still pounded, but his eyes found nothing to be upset about. He wrapped his arms around Nick again, supporting the back of his head with a hand and continued to fondle him.

After some time, the sun came out and sent it's warm beams through the windows like an approval. Morrie smiled in silence. For the first time, he was really happy to be here. His lazy rockstar seemed to be asleep again. His breath was steady. God, this man would sleep all day if he could, Morrie thought but he felt sympathy. Nick must've been tired from fighting for a tender moment ever since he got here. Morrie didn't want it to end either and decided to enjoy it a few minutes longer, so he dozed off.

When he woke up a second time that day, the sunbeams made clear that time had passed. Surprised and a little uneasy, he let go of Nick, yawned and stretched his muscles. Struggling his fatigue, he sat up and noticed that Nick was unaffected by all this. With a firmer grip, he shook the man awake.

Nick gave an discontent moan and rolled on his back, bumping against Morrie. The sun dazzled him, so he blinked and held up his hands. “Uuuhh...what's going on?” He didn't recognise the other man's silhouette right away. “Showtime in five minutes, Nicky!”, Morrie said in a fit of nostalgia. His perfect Virgil impression startled Nick. “Wha-?” He shot up and then froze when he saw Morrie. Then he scanned the room in confusion and the other man laughed. “I should've tried that sooner!”

A second later, he felt regret. Nick looked so lost and upset. Morrie understood he had been seconds away from waking up in his old life and now it was gone again. “I'm sorry, I don't know what got into me...”, he stammered, searching Nick's eyes. Because the man didn't answer, Morrie took his hand and stroked it with his thumb. “Nick, are you okay? It's me, Morrie Memento. Do you remember me? You're in the Garden District and I'm helping you survive.”

Finally, Nick began to speak: “Yes, I...” His voice was a whiff. “I though I heard Virgil...” He scratched the back of his head and kept looking for the source of the voice. Morrie gulped. The poor man didn't even get the joke. “Is he here with us?” “No. It's just us two. You...You must've had a dream.” “Uh...” Nick pinched the bridge of his nose. “Oh my god...you saved me...” He squeezed Morrie's hand. “I thought it would be another one of these days.”

Morrie smiled, unaware of what he meant. “It's okay, Nick. You'll be okay...” “It felt so real. You know how often I woke up just seconds before a show and didn't know what to do?” “I...I can imagine...” “And every time I promised myself to remember next time I just didn't?” “I...I know what your memory was like...” The rockstar eyed him. “Do you?” “Er...it wasn't just as bad...I guess I witnessed the beginning...” “...of the end.” “Er...if you say so...”

Nick nodded. “The end.” Morrie gulped again. This could be another triumph. Every time someone speculated about the Lightbearer's downfall, his manager had provided just the right excuses. Everyone with a brain knew what had been going on, but a revelation never came. Again, Morrie didn't feel like exploiting it.

“Hey, let's not dwell on bad memories. Our breakfast is waiting for us.” “Outside?” “Yes, well...” Morrie shrugged. Nick nodded again and got up while the other man still squeezed his hand. Then, like he noticed it for the first time, he looked at Morrie with wide eyes. The Wastrel began to feel nervous, but he kept the hand, sending a wordless message to Nick.

His idol stepped closer and reached out with his free hand to Morrie's. Their fingertips touched, curious and careful. “It wasn't a dream...”, he muttered. Morrie ran his hand along the outstretched arm, to his shoulder and back, until he leaned forward to kiss him. Nick's surprise quickly melted away. His following noises of delight made Morrie giggly and sloppy. Nick soon took over the kiss, conquered Morrie's mouth with his tongue and rubbed a leg against him as if he attempted to climb him.

Why not?, Morrie thought and grabbed the leg. Nick understood and jumped up, wrapping both legs around his hips. Since Nick was a lightweight, Morrie was sure he could hold him up for a while. Meanwhile, the rockstar appeared to eat his face, the way he nibbled at every spot he could reach from his new position. Morrie was left to giggle and gasp. He stumbled backwards until his back hit the banister behind him.

“Sto-hop!”, he squealed, eyes full of tears. “This was a mistake!” Nick who had been busy with his earlobe let go to coo: “Too late for regrets, luv! You'll be devoured by the Golden God!” Then he bit his nose. “Ah! Oh, great Wellington...” Morrie clutched at the banister and turned his head away. Nick paused, then he purred into this ear: “Did I hurt you, luv?” He sounded honestly concerned while flirting. Morrie laughed again. “No...no, it's fine...” He was glad that Nick granted him a moment to catch his breath, only rubbing his cheek against his.

“If you were lighter, I could hold you longer...” Morrie regretted it, but he had to put him down. Not because of his weight, but because he couldn't handle it. “Outrageous! I'm weightless! What you feel is the burden of my unlimited power!” Morrie snorted. “And I thought it was the weight of your ego”, he mumbled as he placed him on the floor. When Nick's eyes met his again, he felt the need to comfort him with another eager kiss. The rockstar grinned when they parted and his cheeks were red.

Morrie had to distract himself from the sight to start the day. “Alright, let's get going.” Nick nodded and then flustered him by strutting into the kitchen. Morrie's body heated up immediately. Oh, this wasn't good. He needed to get his shit together. Still, he wanted revenge, so he slapped Nick's butt when he passed him. “Ow!” Morrie didn't stop, he climbed outside like his life depended on it. Behind him, Nick chuckled and shook his head.

In front of the springtrap he halted and offered the other man his hand. “Do you mind, luv?” Morrie pondered. He had helped him yesterday, purely out of empathy, but he hadn't meant to become Nick's servant like this. “If it's necessary, again...”, he teased. Nick looked him into the eyes. “Please, Morrie...” At his tone, Morrie felt a pang in his chest and clasped the hand, wondering why he even let go. Nick's expression turned into a smile as he climbed out. Morrie's lips tingled but he withheld another kiss, saved it for later.

Finally outside, Nick kept Morrie in his grip. The Wastrel waited for him to free him, but none of that happened, so he began to take him along. Nick gave him an even wider smile and a thankful squeeze. Morrie's knees became weak at the sight and he turned around and shook it off. It wouldn't help Nick if he fainted right here. It was just ridiculous. Nick was so adorable and he had no right to be this way after living like a spoiled brat for years. How did he retain this sort of emotional innocence?

“What's on your mind, Morrie?”, Nick asked him quietly. The Wastrel realized they must've been walking for a while with him dead silent. He sighed, sensing a deja-vu. “Nothing important.” Nick paused, making Morrie wonder if he should've given a more candid answer. A glimpse later, he suddenly grinned. “So it wasn't about me.” He made Morrie laugh. “What if it was?”, slipped out of his mouth. Nick scanned him curiously. “Really?” Morrie shrugged and stuttered, arousing Nick's excitement.

“What about me?” “Er...” Morrie swayed their clasping hands while thinking. “I didn't do anything wrong, I hope?” “No, no, that's not it...” “Hmm...” Nick's deep purr set Morrie's senses on fire. “So I did right?” Did he just flutter his eyelashes? Morrie cleared his throat. “Er. I understand you're curious, but...we should save it for later. After all, we are late and this could take a while...” “Oooh,” Nick cooed. “You sure know how to put me on the rack!” Morrie noticed his mistake. “I don't... Look, forget about it, okay? I was talking nonsense...” “Hmm.” Nick squeezed his hand again and made a thoughtful face. “Are you sure there was nothing worth mentioning thereby? ” “I...er...perhaps..” Morrie avoided Nick's gaze. The deep chuckle didn't help.

“It's alright, luv”, Nick continued with his deep voice, “I'll do my best to be patient. But you should know that you're not making this easy for me.” Morrie had to clear his throat again. Who wasn't making what easy exactly? And for some reason, Nick addressed him differently. He was 'luv' now. He didn't know if he liked it. Nick had called all his fans 'luv'. Those mindless birds that he had reared for his amusement. But he understood the magic that this word must've had for them. Nick's voice did the rest.

Snap out of it, he's joking!, Morrie scolded himself. Are you holding hands or not?, his own mind countered. For good measure, Morrie gave Nick's hand another squeeze. Yes, they were. Of course, he caught the other man's attention again and answered by nervously flashing his teeth.

He was caught by surprise when Nick pulled him into a kiss. His tongue flailed in Morrie's mouth, he seemed to be hungry. Morrie embraced him. He always felt the need to protect him, build a shield around him with his arms. He felt dizzy when he broke free

He didn't know how he made it up the hill. When they gazed over the land, holding hands, he felt for the first time that he wasn't alone. No longer, it was only him fighting his fate, including Nick who came back to haunt him. They were a team. The rockstar was less experienced but...and that was crazy...wouldn't he do everything to keep Morrie safe, to the best of his ability? Wouldn't he help him when he needed him? Morrie felt this way about Nick and it confused as well as moved him.

He looked at his former idol. His happy, worry-free demeanour almost tore him up. There was more behind it, though. They still had a long way to go, more to learn and dangers to face, but now, Morrie felt like he could count on Nick. It was a miracle.

“A penny for your thoughts, luv.” Nick's voice was quiet and soft. Morre ruffled his own hair. The slight pain of pulling at his hair roots made him come back to the real world. “The Garden makes people strange”, he apologized. “I'm no exception.” “I wouldn't call you strange”, he said with the most innocent smile. “Then what would you call me?” “Hmm...” He chuckled, then leaned forward to whisper into his ear. “We should save that for later.” Morrie felt all the blood in his body run up to his cheeks. Somehow, he managed not to faint.

[sea-side-scribbles]

Fanfiction: You Always Meet Twice

Link to ao3

Chapter 30

Nick accepted that he had to stay quiet for Morrie's sake, even though he was disappointed to not share last night's experiences. Now he was alone with his mind-blowing adventure and he had to digest it all by himself. It appeared that for Morrie, this had been just another stupid idea, practically a disaster. The man didn't even scold him. Was silence worse than scolding? It looked worse. Morrie didn't seem to care about his new ability either. Nick craved to put that to use, to impress him. So he tinkered with these thoughts.

In the village, Nick greeted all passing Wastrels again. He felt safe, because Morrie didn't tell him to ignore them. The fact that some people seemed to remember him raised his spirits. It felt good to be not entirely irrelevant to other people, even though it was far from his old glory. Looking around, he still spotted new areas and buildings. He would've loved to wander around and explore them, but sadly, this wasn't the time. Seeing other people's campfires made him admit that a warm meal would indeed be nice.

Outside the village, their journey was abruptly ended by a flying stone. Luckily, it landed a few feet away from them. They quickly threw themselves on the ground. “No, no not this fucker again!”, Morrie ranted. “How did I forget about this?” Lying in a bush of yellow flowers, Morrie put his arm around Nick, still thinking of protecting him in his exhausted state. Nick considered that to be very cute. “But they're no problem, right?”, he whispered back. “We just outrun them like last time.” “Yeah”, Morrie gasped. “Another waste of energy, great!” In need of a better plan, he viewed the area. “Wait. There's another way. Slow, but better in our case. We sneak past and use the tall flowers to hide.”

Nick eyed the hill where their ominous attacker lived. “Would be nice to know how many they are. Perhaps we can take them out, stop them, so we don't have to deal with them again.” “And how do you think to do that? We have other problems now.” “Can't we crouch around the hill and take a look? There are enough hiding spots and those guys don't seem to be very smart.” “This would be more dangerous.” “I can run.” “Yeah, now. But we don't know for how long.” “Please, Morrie”, Nick urged him. “Next time we forget again they might hit us. And they could hurt others. Someone has to take them out.” Morrie gave a frustrated sigh. “Fine. But we need to be careful. I'll go ahead and give you signs. When I say we turn back, we turn back, okay?” “Okay.”

Morrie admitted it wasn't wise to ignore attackers in the Garden. The situation could get worse if they didn't stop them. But if this turned out hopeless, all they could do was avoiding this route altogether. Morrie blamed himself for even walking into this trap again. If he wasn't so tired, he wouldn't have forgotten. He moved most carefully and then gestured Nick to follow. He was astounded by how fast the spoiled rockstar hurried into the next bush. All that from a drug? He shook his head. What else made sense? Anyway, Nick's new agility made the plan much easier to execute. Soon, they could look behind the hill. Morrie felt a weight lifted from his chest when he spotted a single man standing on a platform and holding up a rock. The Wastrel was so far away, he only recognized the silhouette of the man. Nick arrived next to him a second later.

Then they could hear the man shout. “Come here, you sinners! Come here, blasphemers! I shall execute the judgement of the Lord upon you! I shall stone you with stone!...” While the speech went on, Nick and Morrie exchanged glances. “Another God?” Nick was confused. The recent events made him take that topic very seriously. “Don't tell me you wanna join him now.” Morrie was just as serious. Nick unsurely viewed the man on the hill. “Doesn't look like he accepts any newbies.” “If that's your only concern.” “I'd like to talk to him. Tell him we're not hostile.” “Oh, Nick, you...” Morrie bit back his remark and instead went for: “He's too hostile himself. And it's impossible to get to him from here. We must make sure if he has worshippers around.” “Okay.” “Are you sure?” “Yeah, I'm fine. Don't you see me dash?” “I do...I just can't believe it's so easy.” Morrie looked Nick into the eyes. The former rockstar returned a confident smile. “Come on, I'll make it. Still enough flowers here.” Morrie sighed again. “Alright.”

When they went on, they came across a sign that said “Trespassers will be stoned!” “Another one of these nice warnings”, Morrie scoffed. “At least it's proof that his isn't a misunderstanding.” “That makes no sense. What did we do to him, other than passing by?” “That's enough, apparently.” Nick viewed the hill that presented itself from yet another side. “Aw, what a sweet little home he has.” Morrie turned his head as well and found the platform. It was a rather narrow structure, build out of wooden planks, with a rug and a chest on it that resembled an altar. Morrie scrunched his nose at it. He had enough of these. The only positive information he got was that there were no worshippers.

“Okay, it's just this one bloke”, he concluded. “The problem is, there's no way to get to him without being seen.” Right before this side of the hill lay the remnants of another road. Whoever approached it would expose themselves. “And I'm tired. Let's just go home. We avoided him, that's all we needed.” Nick eyed the platform. His body was tense and he had a spark in his eyes. “I am fast enough”, he whispered. “I can get up there before he notices me.” “But what then?” Morrie was startled. “Even if you make it, he could be stronger than you...” “Not if I dart at him first.” Nick seemed to aim with his eyes. “He won't see what's coming.” He doubted the strength of this slim figure. Morrie was a way different calibre.

Morrie's heart pounded. “Don't risk it. We'll come back later with a better plan...” “And how many people will he stone until then?” Nick's eyes were full of determination. The other man gasped and shook his head. “You don't have to play the hero. I won't blame you. You're not ready...” Nick's expression startled him. “I am ready.” A second later, he sprinted out of his safe spot. Morrie made a helpless sound, then choked it to not announce Nick to the attacker. Holding out a hand and pressing the other against his mouth, he watched in horror how the rockstar darted at the hill.

Nick felt fantastic. His body rejoiced at the movement. Bushes and flowers passed by so rapidly he felt like flying. The hill came closer. With a few jumps, he entered the platform and simply darted at the man, grabbing him by the arms. They both crashed against the wooden planks. Nick struggled a bit, while the man screamed his lungs out: “Sinner! “Heretic! Accept the judgement of the Lord upon you!” Despite his struggles, Nick had no problem holding him down. His knees fixated the man's legs and he pressed his wrists down with his hands. “Hello? Hey, do you hear me? I'm not your enemy”, Nick tried to talk sense into the man, but he didn't hear him or didn't care. He kept shouting and winding. Nick eventually felt sorry for him. When he pondered what to do with him, Morrie came up the ladder, ready to strike with a pointy branch.

“I got him”, Nick said quickly. Morrie stared at the two men while the branch remained unused. “Sinners! All of you! Let me go!” The attacker sounded more and more desperate. “Stop throwing stones!”, Nick shouted back, also frustrated. “Why don't you listen?” “You shall be punished by the Lord, thy God!” “But now you've been punished! Perhaps your God isn't too glad about what you're doing?” As an answer, the man burst into tears, leaving Nick to gape. “Oh, Nick...you broke another man's heart”, Morrie commented. The former rockstar gave him a helpless look. “What should we do with him?” Morrie sighed. “He's totally gone, isn't he?” “No! No! I can hear you!”, the man suddenly yelled. “Please, let me go!” “Oh, now you're talking!”, Nick scoffed. He didn't like being ignored. “And how do we know you're really leaving?” His companion was stern. “I...I...My prayers aren't heard here. I'll go somewhere I'm more appreciated”, the man stuttered with wide, begging eyes. “And kill people there”, Morrie deadpanned. “No” I'm not a killer! I'm a messenger of God!” “That's even worse.” “I promise! I'm a preacher, you won't hurt a preacher, right? You're not that far gone.” Morrie looked as if he'd negate that. Nick felt a lump in his throat, fearing that his would get out of hand.

“Morrie, no...”, he pleaded. “We can't do this. Him leaving is all we need.” “And how do we know he's leaving? I don't want to watch over this path now.” Nick pondered. “We could tell the Headboys.” “Oh, playing dirty now?”, Morrie smirked. “Sure, if they take over this place they're at least not throwing stones. But this is too close to the road for my taste. The water pump is close enough.” Nick gave Morrie another begging look. “Please, Morrie...You didn't hurt me...” “That was different. You're not a killer.” “We don't know if he is.” “He won't confess for sure.” “Please, you're good people”, the man tried again, “I can see that now! You were never meant for the punishment! I regret everything!” Nick's green eyes could melt a stone. “Morrie, please...what if he really is a preacher?”

Morrie sighed deeply and pressed his eyes shut. There was Nick being religious again. He didn't want to hurt Nick, he only wanted this lunatic gone. As his anger faded, he noticed that he didn't want to go that far either. He doubted that the so-called preacher would become a sane person again, but if he began to take down people who went crazy in the Garden, where would he stop? “Alright, you're lucky. Others wouldn't be so nice”, he spat at the man. “Oh thank you! You shall be blessed...” Morrie held up a hand and the man fell silent. “I guess I know what you're looking for”, he went on, fighting with himself. “There's a church in Barrow Holm and a functioning society. They won't fancy having any of them stoned, so be warned. But if you behave...” The man lit up. “A church you say? Is that possible? Oh, you must be sent by the heavens! Tell me, where is this Barrow Holm?” Morrie described the way to him.

Nick finally released the preacher and crawling away from him, he was surprised that the man didn't start running. Morrie held the branch in front of his chest to make a point. The preacher, however, rummaged in his pockets in his shredded clothes. “Wait a moment, my friends. Let me give you this.” He brought out a key. “It's the key to my secret stash. I can finally leave it behind. I will be a different person. Take all you need. Everything that's in my drawers is yours, too.” “Aren't these your personal belongings?” Nick felt uncomfortable taking them from the man. “Hardly, my friend. I don't need them anymore. I've found my path again. Blessings upon you, and farewell!” The preacher skipped away in bliss.

Nick got onto his feet, clapping the dust from his hands and trousers while Morrie held the key. “See?” Nick beamed. “He's not so bad! And we have a treasure chest now!” Morrie furrowed his brows. “Weird that he handed this out. It's maybe just his old socks.” “Well, open it.” He busied himself with the lock. When it opened, the chest seemed empty at first, but then his glimpse fell on a piece of paper. “Another note?” He inspected it. “Oh.” “What is it?” Nick appeared next to him. “Looks like a map...a treasure map. I guess this guy fancied himself a pirate, too.” “Can you see where it leads?” “Huh...” It showed a place next to a well. Morrie remembered he had seen one before. “I have a mild guess.” “Awesome!” “Ah, don't get too hyped yet. I might be wrong. Let's see what's in the drawers.”

They found bobby pins which Morrie valued more than a treasure map, a bottle of rubbing alcohol, boxes of matches, more stones and rotten vegetables. They took the pins, the rubbing alcohol and the matches and filled their bags with the loot. “That's all there was”, Morrie said, closing the drawers. “I'm glad this is over.” “Yeah, no more stoning in this part of town”, Nick answered with a smile. “And we helped this guy, he wasn't totally crazy.” Morrie fought back a smile. Only his mouth corners twitched. “At least he's gone.” He fell silent when they continued their way home. The fear he had felt when Nick had stormed up that hill had given way to great relief and a silly kind of happiness he couldn't handle. Now their bags were full and the road was clear. And Nick was unscathed. It felt good to walk side by side with him.

Nick had hoped that Morrie would be content now. Perhaps even say something nice to him. The silence was not what he had hoped for. Too tired, maybe? He tried to look him in the eyes and Morrie accidentally met his gaze. When they stared at each other, Morrie suddenly cracked Nick a warm smile, making his insides tingle. Nick beamed back and Morrie held his smile until he had to look back at the road. From that moment on, Nick felt accepted, even though the silence remained. He had no interest in the Headboys when they crossed them. He only had eyes for Morrie.

He became excited when they finally reached their house. He felt like he approached it as a completely different person. Morrie stopped him again, attempting to look for intruders. “Let me help”, Nick whispered to him. Morrie flashed another sudden smile before he answered: “You're my backup. Stay a few steps behind me, so they can't attack us both at once.” “Makes sense.” “Of course it makes sense, it's my plan”, Morrie felt comfortable enough to brag. Nick smiled, but also eyed Morrie for any traces of reproach or scolding in the usual manner. “I'd never doubt you.” Morrie nervously cleared his throat and turned his focus back on the house. Like this, they searched the floors until they could safely say that nobody else was there.

When Morrie's tension fell and his body relaxed, the fatigue and hunger came back to him. For Nick's sake, he decided to eat first. “Finally, let's put away our loot and make us something to eat. Would you mind...?”, he pulled his bag over his head. “...to put the bobby pins into the chest under the stairs? You can keep whatever you like in your own chest of course. We owe this stuff to you.” “Oh...” Nick accepted Morrie's bag, lighting up even more. “Was that a compliment?” Morrie looked around in the room as if there was something very interesting to see. “I guess so...” Then he took a deep breath and decided to be honest. “Yes, it is a compliment...You....You're learning faster than I thought...Not only that...you surprise me...in a good way...Whatever you did to...” He struggled. “...even if it's just the drug, you used it well...”

Nick listened to every word, hung on his lips. Morrie found him so very adorable in this moment. “Even though it was very risky to just run for it like that...”, Morrie added. His heart jumped at the thought. “You...I was worried you'd dive head first into a disaster.” For a second, Nick thought about playfully teasing him, like 'so you worry about me?' , but he didn't want to ruin the mood. The shy Wastrel was finally opening up to him, he needed to be tender now. Plus, Morrie had always been worried about him. A few outbursts of anger didn't change that. Something worried him thought. “So...uh...it was not really a good plan, huh?” His green eyes begged for Morrie to say otherwise. Morrie indeed felt like he needed to be nicer. Dammit, this wasn't meant to complain about him!, he scolded himself.

“I didn't know you'd be so...uh...smashing.” Nick chuckled. “It was dangerous, though. The guy could've drawn a knife and stabbed you, or waved it around and hurt you by accident...did you think of that?” “Uh, honestly, no, but I thought about running so fast he wouldn't notice me until it's too late.” “And that worked out fine.” Now even Morrie chuckled a little. “You really are...what did you call yourself? A power cell?” Nick answered with a smug grin. “People didn't call me that for no reason.” Morrie furrowed his brows. “People called you that? Really?” “Sure. It was one of my many names.” “I thought they called you he corduroy-clad wonder?” Nick laughed. “That too, I guess. They had a name for everything.” “Yeah, the corduroy-clad, jade-eyed, moustachios wonder...”

“Oh, great Wellington....” Nick leaned against the doorframe, very nonchalantly, in a way that should be forbidden. Morrie couldn't pull his gaze away. “You know them all, hm?” “Er...not all of them...” Morrie cleared his throat. “What I'm trying to say is...I'm glad you didn't get hurt and...I'm glad you're back in one piece.” Morrie tensed. He felt hot and cold, reliving the memories again, and spilling his feelings to Nick. But he felt that Nick deserved to hear this. The former rockstar didn't answer. He opened his mouth a little, as if he wanted to speak, but then the moment was over and he pressed a hand against his chest. “Nick?” Oh, no, what if the drugs...? When Nick lifted his head to look at Morrie, his eyes glimmered wet. Morrie froze. Really?

Nick was overwhelmed by his own feelings. He had been fighting for this moment ever since he lived with Morrie. And now that this happened...he just didn't know what to do. A heavy weight was lifted from his chest. He hadn't known it had been there. “I'm sorry”, he sobbed. “I'm...overly sensitive when I'm high...I should take care of these bags now...” He lifted one up as if he needed to show Morrie. Also Morrie didn't know what to do. He gulped back his own tears while he watched Nick walking downstairs. After looking around aimlessly, he remembered what he meant to do. He fetched two cans of beans from the drawer and went downstairs himself to prepare the meal. When he went back to Nick to ask for a box of matches from their loot, the rockstar still had wet eyes and sniffled. Trying for an explanation, Morrie assumed that last night took a toll on both of them.

When the fire peacefully crackled and the pot of beans bubbled and spread a delicious smell, Morrie had to be careful not to fall asleep. The fire warmed him and the carpet felt like the most comfortable surface in the world. He stirred the beans to keep himself awake. Nick's mouth watered at the smell. After nothing but berries, this was a true delight. He wondered where Morrie found these. Probably at random somewhere in these empty houses. And what happened when they ran out of cans? Nick' didn't want to imagine. They needed to search another house, he realized. He needed to pull himself together.

The sight of Morrie at the campfire made him melt. He came closer, leaned against the chimney and viewed he peaceful scene. Morrie looked up, happy to see that Nick's eyes were dry. In an usually peaceful moment, they smiled at each other. 'Hey pretty one', Morrie said in his head. Nick was very pretty today. Why was he still standing? Didn't he dare to come closer? “Are you okay?”, Morrie asked softly. Nick nodded. “Yes.” Well then. Morrie stirred the meal again.

“And you?” Nick said, then he grimaced. Morrie looked up again. “I mean...apart from being tired and...” Nick gulped and ruffled his hair. “And hungry and everything you already said....I should probably shut my mouth for today...” Morrie found him very adorable. He wanted to ruffle this hair himself, tell him it was okay. “Hey, don't be so harsh to yourself. You're tired, too, even if you don't feel it yet...”, he answered softly. Nick helplessly smiled as he fought back another wave of tears. He didn't believe what he heard. “I'm okay...I hope the beans are done before I fall asleep.” They chuckled. “Hey, why don't you bring us the bowls from the kitchen?”, Morrie recalled. Nick slapped his forehead. “Oh, sure.” When he came back with the dishes, he put them next to Morrie on the carpet. Then Morrie crouched aside to make place for him and the man finally sat down.

“Hmmm.” Nick closed his eyes, taking in the sudden warmth on his skin. “That feels good.” Morrie agreed, but probably for a different reason. His gaze got caught on Nick's exposed chest, the neck, his beautiful face...Then he quickly jerked his head away. Later, with a bowl of hot soup in his hands, Nick realized how hungry he was. Both ate with great appetite. After their meal, they rested in front of the fire for a while longer. Morrie savoured the moment and Nick's feelings were similar. He enjoyed being close to Morrie in their peaceful togetherness. He felt that for the first time, they agreed on something. He couldn't stop smiling, not as an attempt to cheer someone up, but because of the pure joy he felt. He could sit like this forever, warm and sated and right next to this handsome man.

Morrie got up when he couldn't handle it anymore and put the fire out. “It's bedtime, Nicky.” The name just slipped. “Aw” Nick said with a pout. “Yeah, I'm sorry”, Morrie felt saying. “I just can't keep my eyes open anymore. And you should try to get some sleep, too.” Nick got up. “I guess you're right.” He stretched. “I'm glad we still have beds.” “We're lucky.” Nick gave him a doubtful look and then noticed that Morrie wasn't kidding. He let out an unsure chuckle. “Alright.” They went upstairs together in blissful harmony.

Nick's heart stung when Morrie turned the corner and left him standing by his bed, alone. He looked over his shoulder to take a glimpse of Morrie's room. It looked very comfortable with the armchair and the drawer, the red carpet and red curtains. It looked much warmer than his own empty corner between the stairs. Chilling, he hugged himself and curled up on his bed. He thought of the warm fireplace again and imagined Morrie to be by his side.

Morrie was glad to hide in his room for now. He was happy that Nick was safe and well, that they went home together, and that Nick had a comfy bed to sleep in. Nick's tears, they still puzzled him, but he was too tired to really think about them. They popped up in his head and went by. Overall, Morrie felt good. Just simply good. He smiled to himself while he slowly feel asleep.

[sea-side-scribbles]

Fanfiction: You Always Meet Twice

Link to ao3

Chapter 36

Morrie was thankful that the rest of the trip passed off without any more distractions. To help it along, he had averted his eyes from his flirty companion, even though it hurt. He missed Nick's hand while he busied himself with the cold water from the pump. Nick stood beside and was probably impatient or bored. Morrie didn't dare to look at him and find out whatever mischievous plan he was up to. Or worse, inspire him.

In secret, he expected Nick to attack him from behind, to bite him where it tickled the most, or to kiss him when he wasn't prepared. The images filled him with anticipation. He couldn't help feeling sorry when nothing happened and wondering if he drove him away somehow. Staring at his hands that were chilled by the water, he considered that he might also be cold inside.

He was distant, wasn't he? He kept shoving Nick away. The realization burned in his insides.

But he felt that it was his only way to survive. Nick would destroy him if he let him take the reigns. Not willingly, of course, but certainly. He couldn't let him do it. Morrie clenched his fists, barely warming his fingers. Would Nick understand?

Deep in thoughts, he stepped aside to let Nick have his share. While he waited, he hugged himself, still avoiding the sight of his former idol. He brooded, brows furrowed, then he suddenly jumped when ice-cold water drops landed on his bare arms.

“Hey, what was that for?”, he shouted and quickly wiped himself dry. Nick grinned at him. “Don't dwell on bad memories, eh? Your own words.” “I'm not dwelling!”, Morrie protested. He felt rather embarrassed than angry. “Er...sulking perhaps?”

“Heavens, no!”

Nick's expression softened. While Morrie didn't dare to look at him, he walked over to the Wastrel and palpated his arm. “My god,”, he whispered. “You're cold.” Goosebumps emerged on the spots Nick touched. The shiver ran through Morrie's body. “You too”, he sighed weakly, fighting the urge to rip himself out of Nick's grasp and run away. “One day you'll have to tell me where the hot springs are.” Nick's grin was irresistible. “Er...If I find them, I'll tell you for sure.”

A deep purr was Nick's answer. He carefully put his arms around Morrie. His hands caressed his back. “Until then, it's me who has to warm you.” Morrie returned the embrace without thinking twice. He immediately felt better than before. “I don't mind”, he sighed into Nick's hair.

Nick purred again, giving his best to hug the pain away. He realized that whatever tortured Morrie, it was very resilient. He wished he knew the cause, either his own mistakes or something else in Morrie's life, but for now, he only knew he had to help him to break free from it. It hurt to see him like this. Sunken face, sagging shoulders, blank eyes...Exactly what the Wastrels in the village looked like. Morrie should be happier.

There had to be a way to atone for his sins, Nick pondered. To win Morrie's trust and make him smile altogether. Didn't he always cheer people up? That had been part of the Lightbearer's magic. It shouldn't be any different in the Garden.

He was glad to notice that Morrie's body relaxed. While he massaged Morrie's muscles, the Wastrel's hands began to explore Nick's back. Morrie's behaviour motived Nick to try some kisses, so he reached for the taller man's chin. Morrie sucked in the air when Nick started to nibble at him. His lips formed a wide smile even though his heart pounded in his throat. Nick felt the change and wished he could look at him. He loved Morrie's smile. It was too rare for his taste.

Finally, Morrie offered him his lips, so Nick took them eagerly. Tasting Nick, the shy Wastrel allowed his hands to wander over every spot of his idol's upper body. The cold was long gone.

However, he drew back before he could drown in Nick's affection. Nick bit back a whine. He quietly sighed and rested his head on Morrie's chest, thankful for the fingers that now fondled his hair. He could fall asleep like this, right here. It's been ages since somebody had given him such a profound feeling of safety. Who even did? Nick didn't remember.

Morrie experienced another conflict as he both attempted and refused to let go. His fingers dug into Nick's hair, enjoying the sensation. The Garden rustled peacefully, letting them do their thing. If anyone made them hurry, it was himself. But the other voice in his head protested. He was hungry. Nick probably, too. They needed food, they needed branches and tools and everything, for every day they meant to live together.

If that wasn't a good reason to move on then what was?

“Nicky...”, he muttered into the hair he petted. “Hm?”, Nick whispered back. He sounded like he just woke up. “Hey...” Morrie smiled and patted his back. “Stay with me...we're not done here...” Nick moaned and turned his head to press the other cheek against him. “Aren't you hungry?” Morrie tried again. Another moan followed. “I guess...” He made Morrie chuckle. “Come on then. The berries won't fly into our mouths.” With a soft slap on Nick's back, he parted from him and headed into a direction that seemed to be promising. When he turned around, however, Nick still stood where he left him. “What's wrong?” The man held out a hand and searched his eyes. Morrie's heart skipped a beat. He understood.

Later, they strolled through the Garden hand in hand and Nick stumbled a few times because his eyes were fixed at Morrie. Morrie had a guess what was going on and he didn't scold Nick. When his idol bumped into him another time, he just hugged him and whispered: “Please, Nicky, watch out. I don't want to have to carry you back home.” “I wouldn't mind”, the other man muttered into his jacket. “I know, lazy bum. Is this your plan?” Nick had the most adorable chuckle. “I would have a better plan if I had one.” “Alright, if you say so”, Morrie laughed and set him free. “Just try not to break any of your limbs.” “Noted.”

Nick did better then, even though he didn't enjoy looking at the ground and they found their breakfast. Nick still felt strange eating like that. It was like stealing berries from the neighbour's garden, but without the fun. They could have other fun, he mused. He snatched a fruit that Morrie had reached out for and held it out to him. Morrie understood the gesture. It wasn't the first time he tried that. But now, things were different between them and he could actually comply. He grabbed the berry with his teeth and retreated to eat it.

Nick smiled at him, then he seemed to wait. Morrie had a guess. He plucked a berry and offered it to him. Nick acted very slowly, leaning forward to accept the fruit. He seemed to enjoy it as he carefully picked it up with his teeth and bit it open. He didn't hurry to retreat, instead he winked at Morrie and licked his lips. Morrie was overwhelmed, he began to huff and giggle, unsure where to look at, fidgeting with his hands. Nick chuckled as well while darting adoring glances at him. They began to laugh and laughed together until Morrie had to gasp for air and decided to continue his breakfast in silence. He hadn't expected Nick to whine loudly when he put the berry in his mouth.

He huffed, fighting another laughing fit. “Aww, are you hungry?” He offered him another fruit. “There you go.” Nick ate it happily, tickling Morrie with his soft, warm lips. “Good boy”, Morrie praised and petted Nick's head, trying to play down how nervous he was. Nick then crawled closer and cuddled against Morrie, catching the Wastrel off-guard once more. Again, he didn't think twice. He squeezed Nick, not getting enough of the sensation. With his nerves fluttering, he covered Nick's face with eager kisses. Nick was safely the sweetest fruit around.

With the same eagerness, Nick grabbed the back of Morrie's head and brought their lips together. Nick tasted sweet and sour like the berries and Morrie couldn't get enough of it. Soon, they lay in the grass, Morrie lay over Nick and pressed him down with kisses on his lips, his face, his neck. His hands massaged him. Nick rarely felt the ground underneath him. His senses focused on the strong hands that kept him down. Every spot Morrie touched flared up. He hung on his lips, his skin and his legs rubbed against Morrie's, begging for more.

Then Morrie ended it.

He drew his head back, leaving Nick's lips and body cold. Nick gasped at the loss, pressed his eyes shut and clutched the grass under him. This wasn't fair. He began to feel little rocks stinging into his back. This spot in the grass wasn't actually comfortable. Still, it would've been perfect.

Morrie wiped the sweat from his brow as he sat up. That was close. His heart raced as if it was protesting. His blood pounded in his veins and his hands shook. Not here, he scolded himself. Not here, and for heaven's sake, not now. He forced another currant into his mouth, just to give himself a different sensation. His feeling of hunger was numbed, but he knew he wasn't sated. Especially when he spent all his energy on Nick. The rockstar sat up next to him. His disappointed expression moved Morrie, so he dared to put an arm around him. Nick immediately cuddled again, but otherwise he stayed calm. For a while, they remained entangled like this. Later, Morrie tried to cheer Nick up by feeding him more. It seemed to work, considering the smile Nick flashed him and the happy sounds he made.

Morrie became jealous of his voice. He could do so much with it, without using words. The rockstar surely knew the effect it had and he had trained it for years. Morrie was content with his own singing voice, but Nick's just stood out. It wasn't only useful for singing, it helped melting barriers and twisting other people's insides. Morrie couldn't help grinning sheepishly during their meal. Nick fed him too, so they took turns until they were full. Morrie then drank from his bottle, Nick rested his head on his shoulders and they idled like this.

Morrie concluded he wouldn't mind if every breakfast went like this. No stress, no worries. Just them being ridiculous.

He sighed, feeling a weight lifted off his chest. The Garden seemed to rejoice with him. It looked less pale than usual and the sun appeared to be stronger than it ever was. A snore startled, then amused him. “Nicky”, he whispered and shook his shoulders. “Hey...” “Hmmm...”, the sleepy idol let out a groan. “I can't imagine this is comfortable...Come on, let's go home.” Nick yawned. “It's very comfy”, he muttered. “You just...you comfort me. You make me feel safe.” Morrie froze. Suddenly, he understood why Nick had broken into tears because of nice words multiple times. He felt his own eyes well up. “I...I'm glad.” He cleared his throat. “I hope to keep you safe, Nicky.”

Walking home, Morrie assumed they'd be clinging to each other from now on. He didn't mind either.

Back in the kitchen, Nick leaned against Morrie again. The Wastrel rubbed his back and whispered: “You're really tired, huh?” As an answer, Nick hugged him tighter. “It's okay, Nicky. I just wonder if we can do something else but sleep today? What do you think?” Nick moaned, pressing his forehead against Morrie's chest. “Depends. What do you have in mind?” “We marked those empty houses on the map, you remember? We could visit the closest one. We should be back before sunset, now that you're such a power cell.” Nick purred. “You know how to motivate me.” “You're welcome.”

A few minutes later, two happy Wastrels strolled through the Garden District, hand in hand.

[sea-side-scribbles]

Ohh, look, the Wonderland Suite! 🤩​ I love this place so much!

[sea-side-scribbles]

Purple was his favorite color, right?

[sea-side-scribbles]

"I'm gonna be a princess on mars!"

[sea-side-scribbles]

Fanfiction: You Always Meet Twice

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37455736/chapters/95347921

Chapter 7

Morrie indeed surprised his bandmates with his unforeseen appearance at the party. His spirits were so high, he even accepted the drinks he got offered. After the first one already, he didn't mind showing off a little in front of his new fans, giving himself a little star-appeal. More drinks followed in the process. He edged himself into the most fascinating conversations with interesting guests. They told him stories about the world and it's wonders and Morrie hung on their every word. How did he not notice that the universe was made of triangles? It was so obvious! At one point he started to accept candy and the world became even brighter. He danced and sung with the others until he tired out. The last moment he remembered was them climbing up a huge mountain that supposedly led to the sun itself, but he fell asleep halfway up.

The next morning, he experienced his first massive hangover. With a throbbing head, he climbed down a pile of tables and chairs that for some reason arose in the middle of the living room, almost reaching the ceiling. Very carefully and on the edge of screaming for help, Morrie reached the safe ground and collapsed there again, until he got a bucket of water emptied over his head by Nick's maid who scolded him for the mess.

Stumbling into the corridor, he found Chris who then clung onto him, insisting for Morrie to bring him into the kitchen. Since Morrie had no strength to resist, they somehow made it to their destination. There, Chris turned out to be very talented in treading hangovers. A bitter drink later, Morrie felt able to walk home.

“Where are you going?”, Chris slurred after him before he even moved, as if he knew. Morrie stopped and clutched the next counter to say: “I'm going home.” “Why don't you stay here? Why do you keep leaving?” “Don't you guys have homes?” “Yeah, we have, I think. But why leaving?” Morrie gave it a serious consideration. “'cause I need to sleep”, he produced. He was staggering on his weak legs and needed two hands to hold himself up.

“You know, here's plenty of room to sleep.” Chris still cupped the glass with the bitter drink he created with his shaking fingers. “I don't know.” “Now you know. Just use a couch.” Morrie pondered more. His head wasn't helping, but his stomach had an opinion. “I've never slept on a couch before.” “Really, huh?”, Chris sneered. “Just lay down on one, man, it's easy. You're tired enough. I am. I guess I'll sleep right here...” He loosely pointed at his chair. Morrie wasn't sure. “Would Nick...approve?”, he slurred. The sudden loud laughter of the other man startled him and he began to blush.

“Nick's gonna love it, man”, Chris went on. Morrie was uncertain if he really meant it or not. “Yeah?”, he helplessly answered. His blushing didn't stop. “Yeah, he's gonna come to cuddle...” Morrie's heart cramped. The stupid thing. Morrie's hangover head told him it was a joke. But if there was the slightest chance... He heard Chris' quiet chuckle when he went out of the kitchen.

In fact, he was horribly tired, wondering how he had even thought of walking that far. He fell on the first couch he came upon and dozed off immediately. The next time, he woke up more gently by the tender voice of Uncle Jack because the band was watching the telly. They sat right next to him and noticed him stir. “Morning, sleepyhead”, Matt greeted him and Morrie liked to hear his voice, too. He moaned and stretched. “Now I need a shower”, he muttered for no real reason. He simply felt comfortable enough to chatter. A finger pointed to the left of the room. “The bathroom's that way”, Brad answered without looking away from the screen. Morrie crawled off the couch. Kneeling halfway under the couch table he asked: “You're really living here, right?” “Let's say we make sure Nicky doesn't forget about us”, Chris cheerfully explained. With all memories he had collected here, Morrie could only say: “Makes sense” and continue to crawl. He pulled himself up at the door frame, looking forward to a good hot shower.

The following days, Morrie still went home now and then but he passed more time with the band than before. Now that he wasn't anxious about his performance anymore, he didn't feel the need to hide in the studio all day. Of course it took some time to learn how to play the Morg, but he tried to be less alone during rehearsals. He told the band what he was doing and asked if they knew a trick or two. They even did. Morrie became amazed by their talent again instead of questioning their ways. He was sure the next show would be even better.

The one missing, no surprise, was Nick. Morrie now spent the nights in the Pad, hoping to see his idol again. A few nights after, that moment came.

Morrie had already collapsed onto one of the couches that evening. He still wasn't the biggest fan of sleeping there, but he understood it was the best way to become a full member of the band. He was proven right. Approaching footsteps made him open his eyes again and a wave of joy rolled through his body when he saw Nick himself walking in. He wasn't alone since he needed Brad to steady him. “There he is”, Nick slurred, voice a little rough. “Why are you hiding here?” Morrie quickly sat up. “I'm not hiding.” He looked at Brad. “What happened?”

The drummer wore a serious expression, but then again he seldom smiled, so it didn't have to mean that much. Nick moved towards Morrie. “Tonight is the night, my man...I hope you're prepared.” Nick clumsily climbed on the seat and Morrie had to pull his feet away to offer more space for the rockstar. The unexpected closeness sent a shiver down Morrie's spine. He gave Brad another helpless look, trying to figure out what the hell he should be prepared for. “Nick says you two have an appointment?”, the drummer asked Morrie when he could let go of his bandleader. Nick clutched the red fluffy fabric of the couch and answered in Morrie's stead: “Yeah, I said that, because it's true! You can leave us alone now.” He waved his hand in the air, dismissively.

Brad bowed mockingly and left without another word. Nick now put his feet on the couch table and leaned back, moaning loudly. He reached behind and grabbed the backrest to hold himself up. “Shit, my head!” He sat only inches away from Morrie who had a hard time keeping his calm. “What's wrong? Are you hurt?” Nick rather dramatically stroked his forehead. “Ah, it's fine. I just need...my Joy...” “Your Joy?” “There must be a bowl somewhere...yellow pills...be a dear...”, he said with another weak wave of his hand. Morrie bobbed up, both sorry and relieved to bring some distance between him and his idol.

He knew that bowl although he had never dared to touch it. Now he noticed that a strong smell of vanilla emerged from there. “Are you sniffing my Joy?”, Nick interrupted Morrie's observations. “The smell is intense”, Morrie defended himself. “Yeah, I know. Just bring me the bowl.” Morrie hurried to please. When Nick had snatched a pill, Morrie put the bowl on the table and sat back down, as close to Nick as before.

The rockstar closed his eyes and took deep breaths. “That's good....”, he sighed after a while. He opened his eyes and blinked a few times, then his gaze fell on Morrie. His mouth corners curled into a ravishing smile. “How about you, Morrie Memento?” He leaned forward and put another pill in his hand. “A little taste of savoir vivre? Mieux vaut cueillir le jour que penser à la mort, non?” He held the pill in front of Morrie's face. The pianist swallowed hard, unprepared for being seduced like that. He didn't understand what Nick said, but he assumed it was about the pill he offered to him. Morrie didn't like to say “no” to his adored idol, but he rather not lost his self-control now. “I'm alright, thank you”, he lamely said, eyeing the pill that smelled to fantastically. “Es-tu sûr?” “I'm sorry?” Morrie broke out in sweat. Nick answered with a snicker that made Morrie's heart flutter. “I'm not making this offer to everyone, you know?”, he fell back to English. Morrie swallowed again. “Why me?” Nick's flirting expression crumbled. He eyed the pill in his hand and silenced. Dropping it back into the bowl, he answered: “You know, you can ruin a good moment with too many questions.” Morrie's chest filled with regret. “I'm sorry”, he said to the pouting rockstar. “Didn't you want something else from me?”

Nick turned around again. He now carried the dismissive look in his handsome face. “Yeah...” A deep sigh followed. “Let's get this over with...” “You mean...the Morg?”, Morrie finally got the message. “Sure, the Morg. What the hell did you think?” Without an explanation, Nick held up his arms. Morrie figured it was his task to hold Nick now. He let him put his arm around his shoulder, so the frills on his sleeve tickled Morrie's cheek. Morrie himself put his arm around Nick to support him and for a second his mouth was full of auburn hair until Nick settled his head on his shoulder. Morrie was anxious to touch the other man, but he soon noticed he needed to grab him tighter for support. Nick remained silent the entire way to the studio while Morrie awkwardly hoped that nobody saw him like that, with his cheeks burning and fighting the urge to cuddle against the rockstar's soft hair

Walking up the stairs was a little tricky, but Nick managed in the end. He made Morrie wonder if he really needed help or if he insisted on being carried for the sake of it. In the studio, Morrie released him between the colourful pillows. The young musician was indeed prepared. He cast a glance at Nick who stretched and hugged a pillow. Well, he didn't look like he'd really listen. Morrie decided to enjoy this for himself, for the love of this technical wonder. Nick was unlikely to run away now and Morrie would even let him suffer a little.

When he found he had enough, he waited, listening to the fading sound in awe. The silent sob from the corner of the room startled him. He whipped his head around and saw Nick curled up into a ball and shaking, his face pressed into the cushion. “Nick!” Morrie forgot to be anxious and hurried to his idol's side. “I'm sorry”, he said not knowing what he was sorry for. Nick made a little surprise noise and winced. Looking up at Morrie, he seemed to have forgotten where he was. “It's me, Morrie. I played for you, you remember?” Morrie pointed at the organ. Nick eyed the instrument and slowly began to nod. “Yeah...I...” He wiped his wet eyes. “The sound...”

Morrie viewed him, trying to find the right words for the strong suspicion he had. “Nick, you don't have to answer me, but...I don't believe it's the sound alone. I don't mean to hurt you. If we rather forget about this and....never bring it up again, just say so...It's okay...” Morrie stared at his feet and waited. “No...no...” Nick struggled up, clumsily resting on his elbows. “Morrie, what's wrong with you? Why do you want to abandons this again? If you don't like it...” “Nick, you're the one who's crying!”, Morrie loudly interrupted him. “I said I miss it!” “I don't believe you! Something's off here!” Nick's eyes glared at him, but Morrie held the gaze. “I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong.” The rockstar turned away, crossed his arms and pouted. “Who said I need help?” “You're sad!” “That's none of your business! All you need to do is to play with your toys and stop going on my nerves! Compris?” There was his dismissive demeanour again. Morrie nodded in silence and left Nick alone on the couch.

He was halfway out of the room when he heard it. “Morrie...” If he didn't know better, he'd think the Golden God was whining. “What?” Softer, he added: “Do you need something?” Nick sat up and wrapped his arms around his legs. His chin rested on his knees. He was clearly fighting with himself, glancing at Morrie again and again. “Could you come closer? Please?”, he asked very quietly. Morrie didn't think twice. Nick ruffled his hair, pondering, and Morrie couldn't help but watch.

“It's not a big deal, really...”, Nick began. His voice became husk. He seemed to try to convince himself rather than his pianist. After another pause, he said: “Terris had this...”, he gestured towards the organ. “It was his last...big project...” “He constructed it?” “Nah, Faraday did that, but he...He asked her to invent it.” “Dr. Faraday invented it? How...why...?” “Didn't you know? She's a fan.” Nick even faintly smiled. “The Unicorn Song is her favourite.” “That of all songs?”, Morrie said, smiling widely. Reflecting, he added: “Not that it's bad or anything...” “It's rubbish!”, Nick enjoyed to point out. “If you say so...”

Morrie grinned to himself for a bit, until his mind had created an image. “So you did miss it? I'm sorry.” “Stop”, Nick demanded. “Stop being sorry.” Morrie fell quiet. “He never used it on stage. He didn't want to have it in a show unless it was perfect”, Nick went on, excessively gesturing towards the instrument. “Idiot perfectionist! It would've been smashing!” “Did you fight because of that?” Morrie sensed there was more to it. Nick shook his head. “We were fighting over a lot of things.” He blinked. His eyes began to glimmer again.

Suddenly, Morrie was plaqued by an image he had never thought of before. What if Nick preferred to get Terris back? That wasn't an option, right?

“But you miss him”, he carefully said, bitterness in his voice. “Morrie, just hear me out: He was one of the first members of my band, we've known each other for almost ten years. He told me he'd stay by my side, no matter what the others did. He promised me he'll stay. And now he's gone. And when I hear this thing play...” Tears ran down his cheeks. “People are shit, Morrie! Don't trust anyone!” Morrie awkwardly watched Nick cry. “I trust you”, he insisted. “Yeah?” Nick's sad eyes looked him up and down. “Who am I to you, Morrie? A golden calf?” “An idol”, Morrie answered. Nick laughed sadly, but he went on: “You're an exceptional musical talent and there's so much I can learn from you. And who knows, maybe I can give you some of my ideas in return. You're right, I'm up to something.” Nick had stopped laughing and listened.

“You're too pure for this world, Morrie. And you went straight to hell. Huh, thank Virgil.” Morrie furrowed his brow. “Why him?” “Because he dragged you into this. Typically, playing with other people's fate like that.” “I thought you chose me...” Morrie felt bitter again. But it had been obvious. Nick's behaviour, how he didn't even know his name... “Hell, no. I couldn't listen to anything that had keys! Made me vomit and cry!” Morrie needed a moment to answer: “Would you choose someone else if you felt better?” “I'd count on Virgil”, Nick said and shrugged. “Okay.” “Really, if he picked you, it's a compliment. Virgil knows who's becoming a star, who has the certain...appeal....Don't worry, you're here for the right reasons. I just have to move on...”

Morrie was torn between feeling betrayed and honoured. He respected Virgil Dainty and being his choice flattered him as well. But he also felt sorry that he had failed to impress Nick. “Now, don't pout like that”, Nick said and Morrie winced. “I said you amaze me, remember? You keep doing what you're doing and I stop being weird, okay?” “You're not weird.” Nick tilted his head. “Aww, thanks. You're more gentle than any of the women I married.” “Really? You have a bad taste in women then”, Morrie answered, hiding his once again blushing face. Nick's wholehearted laughter comforted him.

[sea-side-scribbles]

Behind The Mask

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/34851811/chapters/87246346#workskin

Chapter 3

Morrie agreed to meet him again the next day. At ten in the morning! It was awfully early for Nick, but since Morrie spent every afternoon playing the piano at the bar, it was his only option. However, Nick was in high spirits when he entered his suite, picked up his guitar and gave in to his emotions that had bubbled up inside him. He felt inspired, excited and also deeply moved. He hadn't experienced such a creative phase in a long time. The lyrics kept running out of his mouth along with the melody. Hours later he had filled a tape with songs and sent it to Virgil with the blower, together with an order for a new tie. The sun had long risen by then. With a look at the clock Nick noticed that he had only one hour left until he'd meet Morrie again.

He performed his showering- and dressing-up-ritual, applied some fresh make-up and used hairspray to give himself a cheerful look. To refill his energy he consumed one pill of Joy, a yellow pill of the drug that used to liven him up and multiple mugs of coffee he ordered in the restaurant. Prepared like that, he felt ready. His heart was beating rapidly but he assumed it was because of Morrie.

Nick waved at the pianist when he saw him and then watched him approach with pleasure. “Good morning, Mr. Memento”, he greeted him happily. “Good morning, Nigel...I hope I didn't make you wait...” Morrie looked at the empty mug in front of Nick. “Don't worry, you're perfectly punctual. I came here early.” “Huh...I haven't met such a clocklike journalist before...” Despite the somewhat wry statement, Morrie looked agreeably surprised. “How are you?” “Right as rain”, Nick answered beaming, having forgotten about yesterday's incident already. “And you?” “Uh...just peachy, thanks.” The other man awkwardly sat down and pressed his palms against each other. “So, let's start, shall we?” Nick opened his bag and pulled out the tape recorder. Eyeing it, Morrie said half-jokingly and half-nervously: “I guess I have to watch my tongue from now on...” “Oh, you mean...” Nick realized that the tape unnerved him. “Don't worry, you can trust me. I won't use anything you don't like. And I'll give you the draft of my story of course.” He gave him an encouraging smile.

Morrie didn't seem to be convinced. He pondered, eyeing the tabletop as if it was made of some very peculiar material. “I'd rather learn more about you first”, he stated. “About me? You want to turn the tables yet?” Morrie looked him into the eyes and Nick tried to hide how nervous he became. “I like to get to know people before telling them my secrets...You're making me curious, Nigel.” There was a sudden warmth in his words that made Nick's heart skip a beat. “You said you're a fan. How long have you been a fan, and why?” Nick was glad that the caffeine helped him to think. He quickly made up a small biography, hoping he wouldn't need too many details. “Well...I hope I didn't exaggerate...I've been a fan of the Make Believes since their first big hit. I didn't know you earlier. But you've always been my favourite...or better...you still are. And why? Well...because you've been the most creative...you've been an icon...Just as I said...The band had never been the same again without you. I tried to find to after you left, as you already know, I didn't succeed...” Nick gave him a shy smile.

Morrie crossed his arms, thinking. “I indeed was fed up with all the hubbub about my person...And after being kicked out like that...It was the worst Nick could've done to me...Without a goodbye, without anything...as if we never...” Morrie stopped and caught himself. “Whenever one of these journalist got hold of me they always asked me the same questions. Then they bothered me with all these ugly things Nick said about me in the press or with what they made up themselves judging by Nick's behaviour.” Morrie shook himself as if he wanted o shake off the memories. “Believing me was not an option. I had no chance but to escape.” He looked at Nick. “I wasn't that hard to find in the beginning. You could've found me...Where have you been?”

Nick had tensed up during Morrie's answer. The way he had gotten rid of his former lover was a sore spot that Nick normally used to numb with Party Favors. Whenever his brain had tried to remember he had fought it. He had never wanted to remember. Not that! Now it seemed like his brain had deleted the memory anyway. “I couldn't believe it when I first heard about it...”, he made up. “I...I guess I kept overdosing with Joy to forget. I couldn't stand it and I couldn't even read or write about it. I'm sorry. I should've been by your side...” Once again, his true feelings gave his lies just the right tone. His expression was begging when he looked back at the pianist. Morrie avoided his gaze. “Well, I guess there was nothing you could've done for me...In the end, it was a done deal...from the beginning...I should've known...The way he looked at me when he saw me for the first time...” Morrie got caught up in his memories again and Nick sat up.

“Envy”, Morrie spat. “Pure envy... and fear...He must've tried to ditch me from the start, but he couldn't because he needed me to become famous. And then, just when he thought he could make it on his own...” Morrie made a quick gesture as if he whipped dirt off the table. “Boom, I was out!” Nick gulped, clutching his bag until his fingers began to hurt. That's what Morrie remembered? That's what he thought? He blinked. It was worse than he had expected. “Are you sure?”, he asked carefully. “Envy? Fear?” Nick was on the verge of tears but had to fight them back at all costs. What had Morrie done to their lovely first meeting? How could he? Nick wanted to grab him, shake him and shout at him, but all he could do was asking questions.

Morrie still avoided his gaze. “Yes...that's what it was...Now, after everything that happened I'm sure...First, I didn't understand..I've been very naïve back then...Nick didn't show his true self again after this, he wasn't stupid after all...He acted as if we were friends...really close friends even...I got to know his true colours much later... He went so far like this, lying his way up to the top, but now it looks like the tide is turning.” Finally, Morrie looked back at him with a wholehearted smile. Nick forced his lips into a smile, but he wasn't sure if it looked convincing. “Is anything wrong?” Morrie lifted an eyebrow. Nick blinked, not to fight away tears but rather because his sight became blurry. “I'm okay...I'm just...”, he heard himself say until the noise in his ear became too loud and his eyes gave up.

When he woke up, he lay on the floor. Morrie knelt next to him, looking at him in shock. Nick's cheeks felt like they had received some effective slaps. Gasping for air, he rolled over to rest his elbows on the carpet. “Careful, boy!”, Morrie warned him. Nick stayed on the floor, slowly breathing in and out, counting to three between every step. Soon, he sensed his body again. He moved his fingers first and when he was pleased he slowly got up and sat back down on the chair.

“I'm terribly sorry...I'm alright...I just need...”, he stuttered, not knowing where he should go from there. Morrie sat down and gave him a concerned look. “Do you feel pain?” “No”, Nick huffed. “I'm just a little weak...” “Did you have breakfast?” “No”, Nick admitted. “Only coffee, but...” “How much?” “Uh...three or four mugs...they're so small here...” Morrie sighed. “Brilliant, and all of them on an empty stomach!”, he scolded. “No wonder you're sick. How much Joy did you take?” “Only one pill...” “Are you sure?” Nick closed his eyes. The drug... Morrie must've noticed something... “Perhaps a bit more?” He rather suggested that he overdosed on Joy. Morrie shook his head. “You're killing yourself.” “I don't normally do this”, Nick began. Morrie interrupted him again. “Then act normal, at least for this interview! After that, you can go on treating yourself as awfully as you like! But while we're on it, I don't want to be worried about you. Understand?”

Nick jumped a little at the harsh tone. “I'm sorry,” he said again, very meekly this time. “But you're giving me a chance, right?” “You have to take care of yourself”, Morrie insisted. “Listen, I'll give you a recipe that will spare your stomach.” Nick began to write down Morrie's elucidations. However much he tried, he couldn't hide that he had no clue what the pianist was talking about. “You can't cook, am I right?” Morrie's wary look was all over Nick. Nick smiled apologetically. “I can make coffee.” Morrie shook his head. “Enough with the coffee!”, he shouted, then he wiped his forehead, pondering.

“Alright”, he said when he made a decision. “I guess I have to show you the basics, just so that you survive until your story is done.” Nick eyed him. “You'll teach me how to cook?”, he asked after a pause. “That's what I said”, Morrie answered more surly. “Also, I guess my home is a better place to talk about, well, private things...”, he added quietly. “Good idea!” Nick's eyes beamed again. He was about to get up when Morrie threw in: “Not today, I'm afraid, it's already late for me...” “Oh...” Nick was disappointed. But he was certain that Morrie wouldn't let a stranger into his home without preparing himself. It still meant that he must've earned Morrie's trust, or at least his sympathy.

“Will you survive until tomorrow?”, Morrie asked sternly. “Of course!” “You'll eat for once, something easily digestible...How about a chicken soup? You can tolerate that?” Nick nodded. “Good. And then you go to sleep, for god's sake! And no coffee tomorrow!” Nick was about to protest, but Morrie held up his finger. “No back talk! Only tea and breakfast. Something fatless, am I clear?” “You mean rusk?” Nick made a face. “Fine with me, if you can't come up with anything else”, Morrie said without pity. “If you throw up on my carpet, this is over, am I clear?” Nick visibly shrunk. “Clear”, he said meekly. “Then we'll meet again at 10 o' clock at my place?” “Sure...where is your place?” Morrie told him the address and Nick wrote it down. “You'll thank me for this, Nigel.” Morrie got up, showing that he was done with talking to a stranger for today. “I thank you already.” Nick looked up to him. His friendliness caught Morrie off guard once again. “It's okay...”, he soothed Nick. “Just...sleep well, you hear?” “Okay...” “Until tomorrow.” “Yeah...until tomorrow....”

Nick watched him leave, feeling slightly wistful. But when he looked back at his notes, he couldn't help but to praise himself for his success. Putting them back into his bag, he thought about them. Should he follow Morrie's advice? He didn't want to have another breakdown, so he actually ordered the soup Morrie had recommended. It would be an exhausting morning, getting up early without coffee, but it would be worth it. Morrie had invited him to his home! For the first time he had to thank his rebellious stomach. He quickly ate the soup and then went back to his suite. First he wondered if he should look for some fun before he went to bed, but when he changed his clothes he noticed how tired he was. Happily, he eyed the sheets of paper he had filled with lyrics the night before. They were scattered around in the room. Now he'd grant himself a break. But how was he supposed to wake up this early?

Nick remembered something and began to search all the shelves and cabinets in the suite. At the beginning of this convention, Virgil had given him an alarm clock that Nick had shut away immediately. Now this thing would be useful. When he finally had the purple clock in his hand, it took him a while to set the alarm. Then he thought he made it and placed it on his bed stand. After turning off the lights, he lay awake on his bed for a while, thinking about Morrie, until his tired body fell asleep.

[sea-side-scribbles]

Fanfiction: Sympathy For A Downer

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/80557750

Chapter 70:

The next day, Nick felt as calm and save he hadn't felt for a long time. Lying in his bed, he was happy to experience that he didn't have a blackout, and that he knew where he had spent the night. It had been right here, among friends. He also remembered fondly that James had brought him to bed, after keeping a clear head hadn't been necessary anymore and Nick had just let all worries go. For the first time, it felt alright to wake up as the only person in his bed, because he knew he wasn't alone. And even if his friends were a bit out of it, they remembered what was most necessary, that they were a team. Nick left the bed and prettied himself up, putting on one of Hackney's new creations. It was just the right time to wear something completely new. And the designer had been right, yellow was his colour.

Strutting down the stairs, he noticed a delicate smell coming out of the kitchen. “Oh, dear”, he whispered in awe. “Is that...pancakes?” He wondered who in the band suddenly cared enough to cook. Hurrying through the door, he found a pile of freshly made, steaming hot pancakes on the table, and James at the stove, pouring more dough in a pan. “James”, Nick gasped. “You're cooking!” He sounded as if the other man didn't notice what he was doing. “Apposite observation, my friend”, James answered happily, pointing at the already filled plate. “You think this is too much? It's supposed to be enough for four hungry mouths but I'm not sure if you even eat that much for your usually late breakfasts. Coffee is on the way, too.” Nick looked around the kitchen, gaping. “It's alright...It's just...alright...”, Nick muttered and sank into a chair. “Are you okay, Nicky?” James asked worrying. “Yeah...I'm so happy...” Nick wiped his eyes. The other man was quickly by his side to hold him. “You're looking good in that”, he commented his rags. “New collection?” “Yeah, Davy picked them for me...I mean Davy Hackney.” James nodded and Nick leaned his head against him, smiling.

“These are edible, by the way”, James gestured towards the pancakes. “First come, first served.” Because Nick's mouth watered at that, he helped himself to a big portion of the rare meal. Adoring the taste of melted sugar and lemon juice on his tongue, he leaned back. “James, this is delicious!”, he swooned. “Why didn't you tell me you can cook? I would've let you move in without hesitation!” The other man laughed. “To be fair, I haven't done this in a while. Luckily, this is just like riding a bike, you can't unlearn it.” “Can you ride a bike?”, Nick wondered. “I think so.” James furrowed his brows. “You can't?” “I don't know.” They laughed and James finished the second round of pancakes, serving them on another plate. “Don't you eat too?”, Nick asked him after a while. “Or do you want me as your food taster first?” “Doesn't the cook eat last?” “Nonsense, this isn't a noble house anyway.” Nick shoved a plate into his direction. James turned away again. “Oh, I forgot to serve the coffee...” When he was finally done and they both had their hot drinks and filled plates, James tasted his own recipe. “This isn't bad, I think”, he judged himself, “For a first try in years.” “It's the cutest thing you could've done as a manager,” Nick purred. “The others will love you too.” “They'll have to bear with me for now...” “Could be worse”, Nick said with a grin and James smiled back.

Nick was proven right about his band. When they found out their new manager had made them breakfast they keenly pitched into it. “Virgil can take a leaf out of your book”, Brad said, looking at the piece of golden pancake on his fork. “I'm not sure I even want him back”, Chris approved. Nick forced a smile. He knew they didn't have as many good memories with Virgil as he had, and also they forgot many of them already, but it still hurt. On the other hand, he was glad that James won them over bit by bit. They were simple minds now. Nick sighed, looking at his once best friend Matt who enjoyed his breakfast too. He hoped they'd stop overdosing one day, so he could really make up to them. For now, he had to admit this was working, too. Matt returned his gaze promptly. He waved a hand in front of Nick's face. “Hey, Nicky, you're still with us?” Nick blinked. “Yeah...only in thoughts...” “What are you up to now?” Nick must've looked startled, because Matt put a hand on his shoulder. “No, no, no, it's fine. This is all great!” The others nodded. “Don't worry, we're at your side, whatever is your next coup.” He made Nick smile and also blink more. Someone was cutting onions all of a sudden. “Would you mind if I talk to James first?” He gave the new manager a look. “As long as you don't forget about us”, Matt urged him. “Don't worry...”

Later, he helped James with the dishes, so he could talk to the other man in private. “What's our next plan?”, he asked worriedly. “We can create a new record by ourselves, but we need gigs. And promotion.” “Well, the biggest event of the year is already coming up”, James explained and Nick searched for information in his brain. “You mean Christmas?” James smiled. “The Victory Memorial Day, Nicky. And guess who's gonna be the main act?” “M...Me?” The other man gave him a meaningful look. “I made it?” “Of course, my friend! The Make Believes are what everyone is talking about! You're more exciting than Coconut Joy! This is better than what I hoped for when I first met you.” Nick almost let a plate fall when he dashed into the other man's arms and hugged him tightly. James gasped, taken by surprise. “You made me a star again”, Nick whispered. “We made it, Nick”, James corrected him softly. “And now it's time to reap our reward.” Nick didn't see how his eyes lit up for a second.

They consensually parted from each other for the next couple of hours. Nick said he needed to go for a memorial walk because he wasn't done saying goodbye to his beloved ones. James' reaction was understanding. The manager also needed to see through Nick's documents and needed some time alone for that. Nick's first destination was a little shop where he bought flowers from the surprised keeper. Then he sought the fountain and sat down on it's brim. “Hello Morrie”, he whispered, plucking at the blue blossoms of the forget-me-not. “I kept my promise, see, I brought you flowers...” He gulped and tried to put into words what had happened in the last few days. “I'm such an imbecile”, he concluded, “...a complete idiot...and now I lost both of you...The funny thing is, or well, perhaps the thing that would bring you to the verge of a mental breakdown...I don't regret  it...I mean, I regret losing you,  I regret lying to you, but I don't regret loving Arthur...does that make sense?” He paused as if he was waiting for an answer. “I guess not...I just wish I gave you a chance...a real chance to understand me...this is what I should've done...right after I met Arthur again and figured I loved him too.” He shrugged helplessly. “Well, what use is my insight now? I'd be pushing up daisies already if I didn't have such good friends. I keep going for them...But I wish you could be with me on Memorial Day...” Once again, he imagined taking Morrie's hand, holding him close. He closed his eyes for some time, dwelling in memories. Then he knelt down before the fountain and planted the flowers. He watered them with handfuls from the basin and afterwards took his time to look at his handiwork. “There, your very own memorial”, Nick whispered proudly. He remained kneeling there for some more time, leaning against the stone brim, listening to the rippling of the water and simply relaxing, dwelling.

He got up when it was time to visit someone else. “I've got to look after Virgil now...”, he quietly said to the flowers. “I miss him too...I'll be back, my love.” Nick walked away. He began to like these strolls, they helped him to calm down. It was very helpful that he didn't have to hide since he was going out at a decent time. He didn't stop right in front of the statue this time, instead he sought a bench in the park from where he could see it without being seen. From there he viewed the scene, watched the hotel guests stroll by, or the trees in the park swaying in the wind. “I guess I'm not completely useless without you...what a surprise”, he whispered. “I wish you could see me at Memorial Day. Perhaps you wanted to leave me, but in the end, you gave me a second chance and I wonder if I made you proud. I was proud of you, my rock manager extraordinaire...” Nick smiled. Then he had to wipe a tear away, still smiling. He felt more at peace today. If that was the last chapter in his life, it wasn't too bad. Virgil had given him so many good memories. And now he was prepared to do the rest, until the end. “Rest in peace, my Virgil...I'll do my best...” Nick also dwelled in thoughts for a while, enjoying the view.

Leisurely, he went inside the hotel, seeking the lounge. He had started to like this place too. Also this time it didn't disappoint. The room was imbued with a mellowing voice, a song that felt like balm on his wounds, that told him everything would be alright. And he knew the voice, and he sensed an emotional attachment to the singer. Taking a seat at a table from where he could overlook the room, he watched Birdie, smiling. She had accompanied the piano player for a presumably spontaneous performance. The one reporter who had been lucky enough to be there eagerly took photos, but it didn't harm her show. The guests applauded her when she was finished and she bowed shortly. Nick joined in the applause. Sadly, she didn't see him when she hurried out of the lounge. She probably wasn't keen on talking to the photographer. Nick left his seat and followed her. He felt the urge to tell her something. However, it looked like the reporter had the same feeling, so Nick had to get rid of him first. He fastened his pace and approached the man who was about to follow her into the elevator.

“Where do you think you're going? I'm right here!”, he proclaimed and threw himself into a pose. “Nick Lightbearer!”, the reporter blurted out. “This is my lucky day.” Nick chuckled, enjoying the little photo session. “Don't tell me you were looking for someone else.” “How are you getting along since your manager is on holiday?”, the man unfortunately asked, unable to suppress the usual journalist's annoying habit of coming up with awkward questions. “Just peachy, actually. I have a surprise coming up for you,” Nick answered confidently. “Any hints for your longing fans?” “Well, it wouldn't be a surprise then.” Nick winked. “Ah...Why did Virgil need a break, by the way? We thought it all worked out well with the Make Believes Reunion. Are there arguments in the band?” “Not that I remember...You know, Virgil was always working very hard for me and he never took a break. He very well deserves one now and I promised to behave, so don't worry, I'll be okay.” “The fans will love to hear that”, the man said, sounding a tad bit disappointed he couldn't get a fierce reaction out of the controversial rockstar. “Still, the fans are worried. You stopped giving concerts and you don't reply to fan letters. Can you give them a message right here and now?” “I'll be back”, Nick said firmly. “I'm sorry I didn't respond to my dear fans...Tell them I'm thankful for backing me up in all those years, for ignoring all the dirty lies that go around in town and just enjoying my music. That's what I'm living for. I'm glad I can cheer them up and I'll do it again, don't worry, I'm working on a big surprise and you'll love it.” “We never see you around with the other band members. Are you sure it's alright?”

Nick would've liked to slap this prick. He was giving a tearful speech for his fans and all this guy cared about was grubbing out a scandal. “Yeah, I'm absolutely certain. Listen, I'm a bit busy actually, but I think you deserve a treat...My colleague Birdie Callagher resides in this parts, I bet she'd be happy to say a word or two to her fans as well...why don't you go into the first floor, room number 115 and pay her a visit?” The reporter lit up and forgot all his bad intentions, at least those regarding Nick Lightbearer.  “That's a splendid idea. Thank you, Mr. Lightbearer, for the brightening conversation.” With that, he hurried away, avid for the next big story. Nick wasn't sorry for fooling him, although he would probably pay for it later, when the guy would finish his article. He went into the elevator himself, when it came back, and ascended to the second floor. He made sure the coast was clear before he knocked.

“Birdie?”, he whispered. “It's me, Nick.” She opened and peeped through the crack of the door until she recognized him. She gave him a mild smile. “Hi, Nick.” “I wanted to talk to you in the lounge, but I guess you can't go back there right now without being assaulted...that guy is still around. I got him off your back but it's only a matter of time until he finds out I led him a merry dance...” “Oh dear...”, she rolled her eyes. “I guess it serves me right for not keeping my mouth shut. Thank you for saving me.” He waved her off. “No problem. Hey, you want to come over to my suite? We'd be save there, since the guy is after you.” “Is that another invitation?” “Uh...yeah...it is...if you can squeeze me into your schedule...” She smiled again and went out of her room, closing the door behind her. Nick was happy she came along, so he didn't have to wait until he randomly met her again in the lounge. Nearing his suite, he started to wonder about the state of it.  The last time he woke up in there, after his blackout, he didn't pay attention to it at all. Opening the double door, he saw that the staff had made an effort cleaning the place. After all, it had been a while since his band had used the suite for a spontaneous party. And he had slept in this bed with Morrie. “Is something wrong?”, Birdie ripped him out of his thoughts. “Er...no...it's been a while since I've been here, that's all...It's so clean, I can't believe I ever used this...”, Nick explained, looking around. Birdie let her gaze wander around the large suite and silenced. “Ah, nevermind, didn't mean to be a killjoy...”, Nick backed away. “Why don't you take a seat?” He offered the sitting area to her, the one beyond the big sparkling disco ball. “I could make you a non-alcoholic drink too if you like.” Birdie sat down and nodded. “Yes, please.” Later, they had made themselves comfortable.

“What did you want to tell me in the lounge?”, Birdie took up the thread. “You mean, except that you have an outstanding voice?”, Nick said charmingly. She giggled. “You can tell me that, too.” “Honestly, you took me by surprise...touched my very soul...”, he admitted, “There aren't enough songs like these in the world.” She leaned back, flattered but playing it cool. “Oh, I was just...getting stuff out of my mind...I'm deep in thoughts lately, very un-wellie.” Nick nodded. “I see...it made me feel better though, so it had a sense of happiness...” “I'm glad...I'll never forget the face the pianist made when I asked him to play a song for me”, she said smiling at something in her mind. “I can imagine...doesn't happen every day.” “Hell no, I have to keep that a surprise. Stupid paparazzi would swarm the place and Davis would kick me out.” “That wet blanket.” Nick made a face. “Does he ever take Joy?” She giggled. “Only the bad badges.” “Good call.” “He's okay though...” Nick gave her a surprised look. “Yeah. He seems like he has a humour bypass, at first sight, but he's only caring for his hotel.” “His business.” “It's his baby,” she pointed out. “He won't hurt you unless you hurt it.” Nick pondered it. “It's just a building.” “But a pretty one.” Birdie looked around in the suite. Nick was reminded of Arthur for a second. “That it is”, he answered, staring into his drink.

“Nick?”, she reminded him of where he was, darting a meaningful glance at him. He looked up. “You didn't invite me just to compliment me, or did you?”, she asked with a soft voice. “Don't you like compliments?” “I do, but I also like knowing what I'm getting involved in. What are you up to, Nick Lightbearer?” He began to look a little embarrassed. “It may sound crazy...”, he said and shrugged. “I only know you for a couple of days, but I think it could work...” He darted a glance at her. Birdie didn't move. “Would you like to sing along with me at the 14th Annual Memorial Day?” Birdie opened her mouth but no sound came out. “Yeah, I know, it's a little sudden, but I couldn't help thinking about it.” Nick turned to his drink again. She looked puzzled at first and later lit up more and more. “You mean...you and me...on stage...at the biggest event of the year?” “Yeah...I think we've both been quite big this year, we deserve it.” “And your band? Would they agree to this?” “Well...right now, they're not really able to say 'no' to anything...not that I want to exploit them, but...I'm sure they'll have fun.” Birdie lifted an eyebrow. “They're just very happy at the moment”, was all Nick explained. “You don't have to answer now...just consider it. Perhaps it'll be easier for you to find a really good manager after you've been the main act at the party.” “Sure...”, she said, still overwhelmed. “We can rehearse at my place. We don't need to improvise”, he said grinning. Birdie put a hand on her chest. “This day is getting better and better...”, she gasped. Then she looked at him again. “Do you really mean it?” “You can take it to the bank.” She smiled. He could see that something else came to her mind. “Do you have a new manager?” Nick leaned back, trying not to look too proud. “Yes. He's a good friend and he's taking care of things for now. I guess I'll keep him anyway.” “Of course.” He didn't know if she was jealous or amused. Perhaps both.