#well we had a pizza oven that I think probably contributed to the temperature by a lot

[lilnasxvevo]

OH I forgot to mention that when I got to the scene in opla where Sanji whips his shirt off to jump in the water and save Luffy from drowning I had half a second of DAMN those abs!!!! which was almost immediately stomped down by feelings of TAZ SKYLAR GO DRINK A BOTTLE OF WATER RIGHT NOW

[castcharmperson]

Taakitz: Fashion Disaster

My first published taz fic and I’m so excited it’s for @taakitzweek​! Here’s day one, a rather loose interpretation of the prompt, featuring Fantasy Halloween, cats, and the crime of eating frozen pizza. No content warning for this one.

The autumn festivals were hard to describe. Well, describing them was easy- harvest festivals early in the season, several days dedicated to Pan and other deities, and everything concluded with The Haunting of the Last Leaves. It would be more accurate to say it was hard for Kravitz to determine how he felt about the autumn festivals. They were usually beautifully, with most of Faerun turning various shades of orange and red. The wind was crisp and refreshing but not biting; not that temperature really mattered to Kravitz, but it was nice to go home and not wait thirty minutes in front of the fire before Taako would come within five feet of him. The harvests were wonderful family events, even Merle’s Pan-preaching felt a little more tolerable this time of year.

It was The Haunting that Kravitz mostly took trouble with. Taako said there had been something on his home plane that was similar - All Hallow’s Eve.

“Going door to door for treats, throwing eggs at the wagons of people you hate, bats, ghosts, black cats,” Taako had been holding Poe, their cat, as he spoke, lifting the small bundle of black fur as he talked. “Yeah, it’s like Lup and Barry’s favorite festival.”

Taako was hard to read, even after five years of living together after The Day of Story and Song (which now had a festival of its own during the early days of summer), but it was clear to see that The Haunting, or All Hallow’s Eve, was one of his favorite festivals too.

Kravitz tried to get into the spirit, he really did, but in the weeks leading up to The Haunting of the Last Leaves, his job always kept him busier than usual. Necromancers loved the early twilight, loved donning masks and taking whatever they needed to perform their crimes. After he and Taako had talked, he already worked out with the Raven Queen to make sure Barry and Lup had the day off, but that meant Kravitz would be pulling double shifts. Which he didn’t mind, but the closer they got to the date of the festival, the more Kravitz found himself wanting to celebrate with Taako.

Every doorway, arch, and awning of their home was lined with orange glowing charms. Several illusion spells had been set up around the lawn and there was a permanent state of fog. Taako had already crafted a perfect Caleb Cleveland costume for Angus, had taken to wearing sweaters and skirts with skulls on them. The smell of spiced apple cider was a new constant that Kravitz had grown fond of.

They still had a week before The Haunting, but Kravitz figured it wasn’t too late to contribute to the festivities.

“No. Oh my gods, no. Absolutely unacceptable.”

“Bluebelle, sweetie, just stay still.”

“Kravitz Queen, our daughter is named Blueberry Scone and you know that.”

Kravitz let go of the kitten with a sigh. She shook off the flower crown he’d placed around her ears and ran off. “You know the Raven Queen isn’t actually my mother, right?”

“One, yes she is, you take a Candlenights card photo with her and Istus literally every year. And two, what exactly are you doing to our cats?” Taako’s hands were on his hips. He’d maybe be a little less intimidating if Kravitz wasn’t sitting on the floor, but right now, the usually slight elf seemed rather imposing.

“Cats? Plural? Babe, I’m pretty sure I only had Blueberry with me.”

Taako laughed, loud and dangerous, tilting backwards slightly before the motion rebounded him forward and he was right in Kravitz’s face. “You’re shit at accents and you’re shit at lying.”

“I know at least five thousand former necromancers who would disagree.” Through the faux anger, Taako was still adorable. His nose scrunched up and his eyes were alight, and Kravitz found himself smiling.

Then he had a lap full of Taako and that smile became a grin.

“Ugh,” Taako sprawled himself out, lamenting against whatever strive Kravitz had apparently put them through. “I found tiny costumes all over the house. And Half Baked was crying at me because you put socks on him.”

“Sergeant Pepper liked the socks when I first put them on.”

“No!” Taako whacked Kravitz’s shoulder with the back of his palm. Even if Kravitz wasn’t a construct, it would hardly feel like anything. “You named Poe and Tchaikovsky after your favorite nerd shit and I respect that. You will call Half Baked and Blueberry Scone by their actual names.”

Kravitz was tempted to point out that Taako frequently referred to their skeletal cat as Baby Bones, Deluxe Gay, and Xylophone. “Okay, you caught me,” he said instead. “I wanted to get into the festival spirit.”

He dissipated his skin for a second, showing his skull, and Taako whacked his shoulder again as he laughed. “That is your worst joke. That joke is illegal.”

When the laughter died down, Kravitz spoke again. “You know The Haunting isn’t my favorite festival, but you seemed excited about it and now I… well I’m a bit disappointed I won't be here to celebrate with you. I thought getting costumes for the cats would be a nice surprise.”

“Sap,” Taako was still smiling and Kravitz would tell all the illegal jokes in the world in order to keep seeing that smile. “But okay, nice surprise except for you picked the worst costumes for our children.”

“That’s what you’re upset about?”

“Of course that’s what I’m upset about! Was Blueberry going to be a druid?”

“Yes, I thought the crowns they sold a Fantasy Petco matched her fur nicely.” Kravitz picked up the fallen string of flowers, toying with it.

Taako snatched it out of his hands and tossed it down the hall. “No! Who does she hate more than anyone in the world? Merle. And she is a smart girl, she knows what Merle does with plants. No way, not for my Blueberry.”

Kravitz sighed. “Okay, then Blueberry can go as a mummy and Sarg- Half Baked can go as a druid.”

“You were going to dress Half Baked as a mummy?? Kravitz! You work with the dead, you have to know that insensitive.”

“He’s a cat. And he’s not even undead - he’s just hairless.”

“Ugh!” Taako rolled out of his lap, crossing his legs to sit across from Kravitz. “What other horrors did you inflict on my babies?”

“Oh, so they’re your babies now, but they’re mine when they want to be fed at three in the morning?”

“Kravitz,” but even his sharp tone was softened as he tried and failed to hold back a grin.

“Okay, Blueberry was going as a druid, Half Baked as a mummy. I was going to give Poe little raven wings and Tchaikovsky was going to get a wizard hat.”

“Oh hun.” Taako rolled to his feet and offered a hand to Kravitz. “You are so lucky you have me. Leave you alone for five minutes and you are a complete fashion disaster.”

Kravitz took the hand, letting Taako pull him up and take them both into the kitchen. He started on dinner, pulling out different pots and pans and grabbing a thawed ham from the fantasy refrigerator. Kravitz found counter space that was far enough out of Taako’s wide work range and hopped up to sit on it.

“Okay, here’s why all those ideas are terrible. Blueberry Scone, nothing plant related. Half Baked will probably overheat if you put too much on him, which is probably why he was crying. More importantly, he cuddles with Baby Bones more than anyone else and Baby Bones will be sad if Half Baked isn’t all fleshy. The two of them hate blankets, so fabric that’s attached to Half Baked will make both of them cry. And for a cat without lungs, Baby Bones is loud.”

“His name is Tchaikovsky,” Kravitz pouted, not ready to surrender that Taako had a good point.

“Summon a book because you better take notes.” He started whisking something, bowl on his hip. Kravitz actually did summon a notebook and a quill as Taako continued. “Let Blueberry be a mummy, the socks will keep her from slipping into her ghost form. Half Baked should be painted with some hypoallergenic makeup to look like a pumpkin.

“Now Poe as a raven is clever but it’s boring. Black cat, black bird. Come on, babe, you’re better than that. Plus, the little gremlin will wriggle out of whatever you put him in. Drop him in some flour, I’ll transmute it blue, and stick a single Pom Pom on his head. Then Poe is a blueberry and it’s funny because we have a different cat named Blueberry.”

Kravitz laughed softly at that and Taako beamed. “And of course Tch’gay-sky should be illusioned with a black cloak and scythe and go as you for All Hallow’s.”

“Me?”

“Well yeah, he’s not a wizard. He’s clearly a baby reaper. Plus, if his costume is an illusion, he can’t accidentally eat it and have it fall through his bones.” Whatever Taako was whisking was poured into a pan and put in the oven. He was starting on the ham when Kravitz hopped off the counter and wrapped his arms around Taako’s waist.

“You’re so smart.”

“I know.”

Kravitz grinned, pressing his lips against Taako’s neck before taking a step back. “Alright, I guess I better return some things to Fantasy Petco.”

“You do that. Dinner will be ready in an hour.”

“And actually, now that I think about it, I’ve got so much reaper work. You know how this season is.” Kravitz started inching out of the kitchen. And Taako froze.

“What did you do.”

“Did I mention you’re the smartest, most incredible man I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet, in life and undeath?”

“Yes, and you can say it a million more times to make up for whatever other crime you’ve committed.” Taako narrowed his eyes, trying to piece together what Kravitz could have possibly done that he needed to skip out on dinner. It wasn’t really a big deal, Kravitz did usually work through dinner. But he wasn’t usually so skittish about it. Acting on a hunch, Taako opened the fantasy refrigerator again.

“Kravitz Queen, you did not!”

“I did.” At least he had the decency to look sheepish.

“That was for Angus. You know, a child, who won't eat anything other than trash food if he’s in a particular mood.”

“Maybe I was in a particular mood?”

“At least tell me you burned a spellslot on reheating it. Kravitz, I swear to Istus…”

“It was cold pizza and it was delicious. Iloveyousomuchbye!” There was a rip in the fabric of reality and Kravitz made his escape.

“No! Oh my gods, no, absolutely unacceptable! Kravitz!!”

Thanks for reading! Check out my charmedwords tag for more taz fics!