#what a Dad MoveTM

[andyridgeley]

dad steve harrington (affectionate)

[justinehudock]

eblows

mom didnt give me elbows when i was was in the bladder the culdesac or cratum or maybe they're all the same thing. whatever place where the place was tha her body cooked me up nice and joosy ripe, as the first peach of spring after long mastication in thick body syrup. i got a nose and eyes and a big loud mouth she says and kneecaps and hair in all the places you can name but no elbows. if it were a restaurant we were in mom would da been able to ask for less on the hair and more on the elbows but order customization is not a policy of this hospital. they get a lot of questions about that. but no elbows isnt all bad. no elbows made me slide out really smooth just like a bobsled and the nurse said to momma that was a good sign. he said youre a new mother and it may have took a bunch of months to let the dough rise but then only a few seconds to get it um him to come out. just like dough’s supposed to come out. bakeries dont have to wait at the oven while the loaf squeezes itself out for ten or 20 hours. or any of the other stuff. i loved no elbows in the canal. i slid past the finish line in the bask of huge white lights just like at an indoor event at the olympics. in a tunnel of glistening pink folds just like at the olympics. oh yeah baby i came out in seconds flat. grandma didnt even have time to turn on the camcorder. Mamas the real hero. she did those few months of keeping me inside her and with her elbows so you have to give extra points for that. but i guess if she grew me in a few seconds not having elbows might be the smallest of a problem you could have. the big problem would be that i would be way too small. not being a grown baby but just like i was a baby’s baby just like a russian nesting doll baby. and maybe then the nurse wouldnt have caught me on the way out because id been just zooming like a lubricated little pellet and the hospital would get sued by mom for not giving her someone good someone like carlton fisk of the the boston sox to catch me on the fly. i mean good god they had the debrilator right on the other side of the labor room. i might have gotten defribrolated. good thing that didnt happen. and also i mean too if it was me who took months to come out through labor and not the couple seconds it actually took i mean mommy probably would hate me no elbows or not. i mean you cant do anything but labor when youre in labor and boy shed have been bored plus i woldnt like that view very much not for that long. tunnels are bad enough and i dont like them and theyre not slimy pink and the odor probably isnt as bad but who knows. but none of that stuff happened & i just didnt have elbows. the hospital didnt have any to elbows to spare but they did try really to make some up. for a while i had bottle nipples slung to my arm bones for something elbow y so the other babies wouldnt look at my long chopstick arms longways but they didnt function in any way and anyway i kept trying to suckle (i was a baby then) them which didnt work because get this even if you dont have elbows you still cant lick that area no matter what it turns out. on my first birthday dad my papa who worked on the line of the car manufacturer brought me two small diodes which are the things that cover the blinker uh the car blinkers when youre making a turn or pull over or the hazards. we removed the nipples took em out and father brought them to the industrial waste dumping site who knows why but mommy did a quick job of breaking some stuff in me and opening skin of me and then putting the new elbows in mine arms. and they looked natural they really did look natural except when i had to bend them and then i looked like pinocchio. that son of the guido who lied and had a long nose or also like Barbie Made to MoveTM dolls for girls with the joints so actually altogether not so natural more like a doll or a wood thing. and another thing was they lit up when i lifted an arm like to signal i was making a move so my parents couldnt go to movie theaters that year they said because i was a distraction to the people around us. now im older and i can go to The Movies alone with no one to embaress but only to the really really bad reviewed movies so no ones there & gets hit by the popcorn im catapulting to my mouth with my loooooong arms. yea no i still dont have elbows but im getting really good at it.