#whatever at least I’m set up with my chronic pain shit. I’ve got the massage cane and the foam roller and the heating pad and the ice pack

[milo-is-rambling]

I need to take an aleve and an allergy pill and then get sooooo high immediately and then roll my back and try not to cry and then maybe get some sleep if I can get comfy enough

[geekthefreakout]

Here, have a Concept™

Mick and Len each suffer from chronic pain. That's basically a given. Through the decade they've learned each other' bodies- Mick knows that he always has to sleep on the left when Len is cuddling him so that Len's bad arm doesn't get slept on, knows that when Len's face twitches just so the sex can't get too wild because Len doesn't like to admit that his knee is acting up, but it does. Mick always keeps a stress ball on him so Len can warm up the hand Lewis broke once (and lord that was terrifying, Len *needed* his hands and they'd both panicked quietly while treating it as teens) and a brace for the bad knee in his pack. Len doesn't let things like pain slow him down, but Mick won't let him hurt more than necessary.

And Len learns that as much as Mick complains about the cold, he needs to make sure his partner never gets too hot because those burn scars won't sweat. Len can see from the set of Mick's jaw when he needs a head rub or his back cracked. Mick's physical issues were acquired much later in life than Len's were, but Len has learned them all just the same. He knows that Mick is distrustful of most doctors (they all try to drug the fire away), and so Len learns how to reset that tricky shoulder, how to tell when Mick's burns require treatment and how to monitor a concussion. He reads up on psychology, gets the latest journals to keep current. He hides them inside art textbooks.

(And after a while he coaxed Mick into letting Shawna give him a looking over after a heist, and he gets Mick to talk to Harley sometimes, but boy is it a fight)

But see the thing is, that was all stuff only Len got to know about, really. Lisa knew a lot of Mick's problems, but while she's family she isn't *Len* and after the Vanishing Point and the Oculus Mick is pretty sure she isn't gonna want to see much of him anyway (he's wrong about this).

And Ray, Ray *tries*, he does, but Haircut for sure doesn't know his life story and Mick isn't gonna sit him down and tell him that he's dislocated the one shoulder so many times that pops out at any old thing nowadays, or that he might overheat like a damn toddler in a locked car. So Mick just keeps to himself. He squeezes Len's stress ball, some times. When the headaches come, he leans his head against the Cold Gun and tries to remember Len's clever hands massaging his temples. He doesn't ask Gideon for a pain killer. He doesn't ask for help. He drinks a cold beer instead.

When he starts hallucinating, sometimes Len looks at him with eyes that are worried. Ghost-Len-- Halluci-Len warns him to turn down the heat in his room (he doesn't want to, he wants to burn burn burn until the fire that took Len takes him too), snaps at him to watch out for that goddamn shoulder...

And sometimes Mick listens to the Len in his head. Sometimes he doesn't. When the team notices something is wrong (which takes them a while) Sara urges him into the med room again. Ray helps her, and stands in the door with his arms crossed like he'd stop Mick from leaving unless he behaved and got checked out (bullshit, Mick thinks, Haircut ain't got it in him, and Len whispers that maybe he could inside his head but that's in his head and not here and Len is NOT HERE) and he starts to tell Gideon to fuck off.. but then something happens;

You see, Len.. Len figured out that there was a very strong chance he'd be dying on this trip (why else would he have not gone back for Mick?) and Len hoped that Mick would find his way back to the Waverider eventually and had worked something out with Gideon before he died. It's the "Mick Hates Doctors" protocol. Gideon projects an image of Len into the room and everyone just kind of freezes because *what the fuck* and then Holo-Len starts to talk.

"Hello, partner." He says. "If you're seeing me all Princess Leia like, then I guess it happened. I bit the big one." The hologram shrugs. "I'm sure it was appropriately bad ass, and that they'll be singing songs of Leonard Snart, Robber of ATMs throughout all of time. Anyways, if you're around and I'm not... that means there's no one there to cool you off. Yknow, get you to.. chill?" Holo-Len smirks and Mick swears under his breath because this *fuckin bastard* but Holo-Len goes on. "Mick, we don't have hearts. We always say that. It's always bullshit. And I know I got lots of shit to make up to you and I'm hoping that I've at least got started on that by the time you see this but knowing me... not likely, right? I'm a Cold sonuvabitch, I know. Always have been. But you always saw around that so I'm hoping you're gonna listen to what I'm saying now anyway." Holo Len looks right into Mick's eyes and even semi-transparent those eyes are so sharp they cut right through him. "I need you to trust the crew. Or if you can't, go home and trust Lisa and Shawna. You need people Mick. You... you ain't like me. You need people. Heh... I only ever needed Lisa and you. But you shouldn't ever be alone, Mick. And not because you're out of control without me or whatever other bullshit people say.. hell, bullshit I say. You shouldn't be alone because you deserve better. You deserve something good. You deserve someone to reset that shoulder and reset it properly. You deserve someone to help you get rid of those migraines."

Len's smile grows tight. "You deserve for those burns to be treated. You deserve to go home to my sister-- and Lisa deserves you going home to her, cuz whatever happened to me was not your fault. So, partner, if you're seeing this, this is the last thing I want you to promise me. I want you to swear on this-" and here Holo Len waves the hand with their ring on it, the ring that Mick now keeps on a chain around his neck "that you will go talk to Harley, and that you will make that Timeship turn around and get back to Central for Lisa's birthday, and that you'll keep Raymond out of trouble, like you kept me out of it. And let Gideon check out that head of yours now and again for concussions. Trust them, Mick. Promise me." And holo-Len looks away from Mick. "I imagine Raymond and Sara are with you. At least one of em probably had to drag you in here. So to you guys: you look after my partner." Len smirks. "You're my only hope."

And Ray let's out a wet little laugh, actually crying while Sara is tense and teary. Holo-Len looks back at Mick one last time. "Well, that's about it, I think. We're on our way to kidnap my baby self. That should be fun. This can only go well." He smiles sardonically then clears his throat, looking sincere. "So here's me, signing off. Look after yourself Mick. I know we ain't heroes but... you've always been a hero to me. Funny how that comes full circle, isn't it? And Mick... just..." Len shrugs. "Well, you know, don't you? Chill." The hologram smiles and blinks out.

Mick can't speak. Sara's shoulders relax, and she stares at Mick like she's never seen him before, like she isn't sure what to do. Ray... Ray strides forward and throws his arms around Mick. Mick let's him for a moment and then "Haircut... my shoulder hurts. Ease off, will ya?"

And Ray learns to reset a shoulder. He's not Len. He'll never be. But he's there. So is the team. Mick lets them be.

~fin