#whatever. this probably isn't even that funny i think i'm overreacting

[containmentbreach]

man it is actually so deeply funny to me that you can just write whatever the hell you want about people once they're dead and it's okay because they're dead. if i was someone who was famous and i died and then i learned some guy had just made up a ton of shit about my life and was getting super rich off of it i. well actually i think that'd be funny. if i ever get famous i give someone permission to do this to me after i die. as long as i still get to be a lesbian.

[seungkwanniee]

pairings : boyfriend!seventeen x fem!reader

genre : angst

warnings : toxicity , cursing words , mention of death , being manipulate , love bombing , dependence , mention of eating disorder (hoshi) , mention of a break up

synosis : what red flag seventeen could be imo

an : I'm not romanticizing wrongdoing or saying they are okay !!!! Jeonghan again the shortest omg, ily my man 😔

〔masterlist〕

SCOUPS 』

I think we can all agree that Scoups is deffo possessiveness

"what the fuck do you mean I can't go because you're jeolous of other guys. It's not my problem it's yours" you scream your lungs out. You can't belive what you are hearing right now, you tought your boyfriend was more mature than that.

"you're not going anywhere because I said so. You're mine, you're in my possession, you're locked with me until the day you die" he would just add fuel by holding firm your waist, or maybe your wrist, making you just fall for him again

he would go crazy even if a boy looks at your direction, you're for only his eyes, you can't be too pretty for the others. You can't have friends, you need to spend all the single time with you and you can't run out of energy on others. Always have to be 100% for him.

JEONGHAN 』

he would be a manipulator fr

"do whatever you want, you'll comeback to me in two weeks" and throught this two weeks, he would say the most manipulating things

"you was overreacting over an innocent thing" "it's everything in your mind" after you broke up for the frist time because he cheated: no, nothing is in your mind. But he would sound so convicing that you'd fall for him over and over. His angel face is too beautiful to be just yours, right?

JOSHUA 』

so green flag that it was hard to think that he may be love bombing

"I love everything about you" didn't sounded weird at the start of your relationship with Joshua. His gift along with flowers almost every week didn't looked that strange in your eyes. Him showering you with love was everythings that you needed: the 1, 2 and 3 month went so smooth that you started thinking that everything was a dream. It can't be real.

"let's brake up" text on a friday afternoon really wasn't what you expected. It must be a joke, right? it can't be all of the sudden. You trying to contact him everywhere, even his stupid friends. All blocked. He broke up with you, after making fun of you for months like you didn't meant nothing to him. And probably it was like that, he must be having fun while your world breaks. After all, he is cronically offline.

JUN 』

I see him so much like emotional dependence

"why you can't be free today?" "are you really sure you can't?" "you can do this tomorrow" notification one after the other showed up on the phone screen, interrupting your work one again. Working on an life-depending project with a clingy boyfriend wasn't pleasant, and many people tend to say you was just overreacting.

"he cares about you" no, this isn't caring about your partner anymore. This is being completely obsessed at the point where you can live anymore. You chest was heavy, he sended at least thirty message about the already cleared thing, why he can't just accept it.

Imagine not being able to hang out with your friends, not able to have a girls night anymore. Watching them having fun, and then there is you being blocked by doing everything because of a boy. This isn't love anymore

HOSHI 』

him as excessive sarcasm fit so perfect

"you looked really fat in here" he was joking, but it didn't sounded funny to a girl suffering from eating disorder.

"soonyoung, don't you think you go too far with your mouth?" it should be you boyfriend defending you from dumbass, not his friends. He finds you crying yourself to sleep, on the floor, sitted on the couch and even in front of a meal. He was the one that everytime he saw you crying, he would hold you tightly and reassure you.

Everythink was vain when he jumped in with his unfunny jokes about you body. Who was laughing? none, even you as the most ironic person. It was just him on the floor, almost crying for his jokes. And you looked at him, wishing to desappear as fast as possible, and it was happening

WONWOO 』

a gamer is cronically online

"wonwoo, can I know the last time we spent time togheter?" who you even talked to? The one that was supposted to be your boyfriend was acting more like an hikikomori. His headphones were on, so there was no way he heard you. His eyes focused on the screen while his fingers were moving fastly. He was in the dark of his room, in this position, for at least 3 hours, and it was only 2pm.

You walk trowards him, moving aside the headphones. His head snapping trowards you so quickly that it almost scared you. "what are you doing? wha- omg. You made me lose, fuck" his acting was so redicolous, can you belive he is in his late 20'? "at least I have my boyfriend eyes on me" you almost sounded so pity, and it was so ashaming that you was even in this position.

"you're happy? I need to resume now" yeah, it lasted less than a minute. He putted on his headphone while his eyes must be hurting for that screen time.

WOOZI 』

what if not lack of communication

"why you're angry at me? If you not talk it out, I'll never know what's wrong with you" you was chasing him desperatly while he was wandering around your shared house. It was the frist time in an almost a week that he was staying at home for a little bit longer and not just sleep on the couch. The week was going on by him being the most of the time at the studio recording, writing, producing or maybe just ignoring you. You never been a lover of communication too, so you ignored him back, but it was driving you crazy at this point. You thought you was going insane.

"if I knew you would've been a pain in the ass, I would have stayed in my fucking studio" he now was cursing at you for... what? You was so sick of this, and you was feeling like you didn't counted nothing to him. "if you are not sharing your feelings, then let's break up", all you wanted was a reaction from him, this might lead him to say something but you was just facing a cold wall.

"kay" was everything he had to say, while you watched him cross the front door without even looking back at you for once.

DOKYEOM 』

man is know for pouting and be sensitive

"dokyeom, why are you behaving like this... again" you roll your eyes back by the sensitiveness of your boyfriend. Early in your relationship, you thought it was kinda cute of him, you loved reassuring him and slightly kiss his pout. But, things changes, and actually you was going insane by his behavior. Everytime you let him notice a bad thing he has done to you, he would just sit there, cross his arms and pout. Not talking to you even if you was speaking to him. You was the one hurted by his behaviors, and he was the one pouting?

"fuck, can you drop your childish stupid behavior" your patience today was thin. You wasn't going to apologize one again and put aside your feelings, they were valid maybe more than his unreasonable ones. You didn't even got a single stare from him, he was just scrolling throught his phone mindless. For a little, you was even being pity, maybe you was the wrong here. Maybe the sensitive one was you?

MINGYU 』

have a feeling that he is forgetful

"this son of a bitch" you humble under your breath hanging up the phone once again. It's been two hours and your boyfriend was fucking ghosting you, on your birthday after you cancelled all the plans with family and friends just to have a night out with him. He promised you that this time he wasn't going to forget your date, but he is just a liar.

You should've listen to your friends when they said to not trust him, not once again. You complained a lot of how forgetful your boyfriend was, how he was making you get ready just for him to forgot and cancel everything. But you fell for that man everytime you put your eyes on him, like you was forgetting all the pain he caused you, all the beakdown he caused to you.

And now, you was speding your birthday night crying your eyes out, dressed up for him just to be seen by none.

MINGHAO 』

so lack of listening coded for me

"hao, you're even listening to me?" you look at him, while he drink his tea. His gaze lost in nothing, and maybe his mind was everywhere but on you. You can't put blame on him, he has bad day or he is just tired right? but he has bad days every single day? Maybe it was okay, you are so talkative that time by time you get tired of yourself.

You can't say it doesn't hurt tho, whole life being shutted down and the lack of listening from you boyfriend just reopens a wound, or it was never closed. You wish he could at least listen when you're crying your eyes out, when you're opening with him, at least when you act in love with him.

VERNON 』

boy is mad cold

"have you ever said that you love me?" you was in a long-term relationship, you just thought it was weird of him never expressing love. You was feeling like you didn't counted a single thing to him, while you could just gave him the whole world. He just shurrg his shoulder while his mouth was filled with food, so you excuse him for the lack of words knowing deep down yourself that he wouldn't dare a words even otherwise.

"for you it's completely right then?" you weren't even curious, you already know the answer so you're just hurting yourself more. You don't know if having answer directly from him would make things clearer or not, you just know how much this is hurts: it almost feel like a one-sided love, not a good experience. You hate the way you chest hurts everytime for a man that doesn't care about you.

SEUNGKWAN 』

over friendly boyfriend one hundred percent

"you are blind or don't you see how that whore clinges at you?!" you were MAD, it wasn't possible that your boyfriend gives zero respect for you or he can't see how his girl friends were wandering way too much around you. That night it didn't even seemed that you was his girlfriend, he just seemed a single boy loving all the attention.

"just friends! I can't even have female friend now?" you look at him stunned, he was being for real? He just looked so dumbfounded, like he really doesn't get the point. He doesn't see what he is doing wrong, he just don't get the way he is disrespecting you and this made you thing he will never change

DINO 』

he would compare you to others

"aw~ see that couple, why you don't do the same~" he points out a couple that was being clingy... maybe too much. He really wanted to look like this, in public?

"you know my friend passed at the frist try? you should do the same" while you're talking about how you can't pass that fucking exam at the university that it's been bothering you for months now. But he does that for everything, how you should look shorter than him like that one friend of his does, how you should cook like Mingyu does, how you should more extrovert, more cheerful, more more and more. It's like you aren't worth, you aren't okay in anything, how someone it's always better than you.

It's been bothering you for months, he made you felt insicure about every single thing of you. Look, personality, worth, skills and everything you could even think. But you are perfect Lee Chan, aren't you?

[intertexts]

ALSO OOPS I DONT THINK I EVER SENT YOU THE TRIVIA FOR 27?????? UH OH. OUT OF ORDER. this one is a lot shorter though so it's ok

EPISODE 27 TRIVIA:

- bizly opens this one in a baby voice "wewcome to just wolled wiff it!" absolutely insane

- charlie makes excuses for his cracked energy was because he was in the UK and tommy and ranboo were in the other room (TOMMYINNIT JUMPSCARE)

- Jesus is canon yet again. but only in vyncents world

- CONDI THOUGHT HAMSTER DANCE WAS A UNIVERSAL EXPERIENCE AT MIDDLE SCHOOL DANCES. and not just like. a youtube video that everyone knows. they played hamster dance at his middle school dance.

- speaking of which they've been overlorded again because the hamster WAS NOT ORIGINALLY A HAMSTER bizly did that solely because he has never heard hamster dance and wanted to be in on the joke

- charlie gets so worked up over the william short leg thing again and it's REALLY funny. bizly is like "I'll stop bringing it up when you stop having hilarious overreactions to it"

- "why the fuck did william make ice copies of dakotas parents that's so dark man"

"HE DIDNT MEAN IT TO BE !!!!! i think william is not very emotionally intelligent especially when it comes to stuff like this and he wanted to do something sweet for dakota. 'i know. Christmas is a great time for him to see his parents again because it's family and it'll make him happy!' without thinking about the moral implications OR the fact that they would come alive and try to strangle him"

grizzly: "dakota probably doesn't even remember Christmas with his parents"

charlie, REALLY far away from his mic: "WELL FUCK ME THEN"

- that was CONFIRMED mal trying to brwak through the barrier! charlie is TERRIFIED for williams sake especially bc he can't use his powers anymore

- condi: "hes pissed william isn't a planeswalker anymore and thats all he wanted you for"

charlie: "yknow! I dunno if william is a planeswalker anymore! he might not be!"

- WILLIAM WAS ACTUALLY BORN WITH A POWER!!!!! I forgot about this omg. so the one he was born with is called true sight and it means he's always been naturally able to see ghosts and monsters that normal people usually can't. YIPPEE

- he's also still got Kemuri's (smoke guy) powers obv ("that he regrets deeply every day"). they ARE in the spirit world and usually william wouldn't need a guide but since the wisps left him their guide is now master cole! if he were to leave/abandon them or whatever they'd no longer be able to stay in the spirit world. even william

- there are full versions of the colestyle gaming videos hidden somewhere on the patreon. fun fact. they're also talking about now doing one where william plays phasmophobia. or doing one with all 4 of them playing a game and bizly being tide. i don't think they ever actually did that but GOD i would kill for it.

- charlie was being annoying and grizzly responded with "I hope william stays alive *forever*" which sounds like it should be a nice thing to say but the way he said it was so absolutely scathing . brutal.

- quick mac detour theyre back to the game thing charlie says he wants to do a video playing elden ring as gillion and i NEED THAT SOOOO BAD. I miss gillion so much :(

- speaking of gillion idk why there's so much gillion trivia rn but charlie says the inspiration for his voice was "a combination of the spongebob narrator and my himbo fantasy" hello?

HOW HAS BIZLY NEVER HEARD HAMSTER DANCE??????????? yes this is what i'm taking from this. hello. how.

im so delighted w/ william thinking it's a great idea to make ice copies of his friends dead parents. god. NONE of the fucking prime defenders are emotionally intelligent they all have so many problems. prime traumatic stress defenders!!

ive said it like a billion times but i'm so fucking excited for the mal shit!!! i can't waittt!!!!! shaking him back n forth!!! wiwi torment nexus now!!!! also him being born with true sight is REALLY cool actually i feel like. this has been referenced on n off but i didn't realize it was actually a thing.. huh. i wonder if that's why the wisps targeted him. except their entire thing Is being seen so i dunno.!! cool... god. wiwi i love u wiwi... i want to go to deadwood i have so many fucking questions!!! why is the trickster there!! rift between worlds thats just coincidentally in his hometown!!! also i was just thinking ab kemuri's smoke powers im so glad he still feels awful using them :]] "i hope william stays alive forever" MEAN TO HIM!!! holy shit!!! wheezing!!

im gonna have a great time w gillion whenever i get around 2 riptide btw thats so funny. help. spogebob narrator himbo fantasy........

[satninbarbie]

my mama and i do this thing every sunday that we call 'sundays with elvis' where we watch one elvis movie (maybe two) and then put on elvis music, we talk about our week and sometimes they are elvis related things and sometimes they aren't but we try to include elvis as much as we can. (would you guys like to do a Sundays with Elvis maybe with me on here to just decompress after a long week? I would love it ♡)

this weekends thing that came up was the Priscilla movie (there is no direct hate to Priscilla in this so if you're looking for that you might wanna move on !!)

and none of y'all asked for this but this is just my take on it. this shit might be a little long so get ready.

nate fucking jacobs is that you?? i know it is, i feel bad stereotyping him because he's trying to branch out and go you, king, slay but stay away from my king. the vibes are just not right, not even a chance in hell for 60's Elvis. how can people think this even looks right. now, i know a lot of people felt that way about austin when he got the role of Elvis, nobody could ever be Elvis Presley, there is only one. austin at least gave off the vibes, the energy, dug deep into the soul and i don't know Jacob's process or whatever but something tells me with how fast this movie got rolling he didn't study our beloved. i know this move isn't about Elvis, he already has one and this one is about Priscilla.

also i find it to be funny that EPE wouldn't let them use Elvis' actual music in the movie and the little review they left saying "looks like a college movie, the set designs are horrific that's not what Graceland looks like." and while i agree with them, i think sofia has a certain style she does and that's respectable but however, i expected more for a movie like this.

not to mention Priscilla herself has said that she wished she wouldn't of told some of the stories the way she did and I respect her for saying she made mistakes but then again my question is, did she have any rights to the movie and did she talk to sofia about some of the exaggerations she admitted to? or did she just leave sofia to take those and run with them?

overall, I don't see Priscilla as a villain, satan or the wicked witch (or whatever anyone calls her) in any story but there are some things she has done that I don't agree with.

however, I will not see this movie because part of me has this gut feeling even though people have spoken out and said that it doesn't make Elvis look bad and part of me wants to believe that Priscilla loves him like she says she does and if this made Elvis look bad or tarnished him in anyway that she wouldn't be okay with it being released.

again, that's part of me hoping.

i'm not excited for this movie, i'm not too keen on sofia i've never liked her movies, i don't know how much to trust priscilla on this, she loves Elvis to this day and proves that but another part of me is very protective of Elvis like i think and hope priscilla would be (probably even more so because she was actually married to the man and knew him on a personal level whereas i didn't). i just adore Elvis but i will not see this movie or support it in anyway. i'm nervous if anything about this movie and part of me thinks i am for sure overreacting but i am certainly a drama queen.

~

i'd love to hear what you guys have to say, it doesn't even have to be about this, it can be about anything Elvis related. I'd love to chat. ♡

[pebblysand]

i don't claim to have any novel, hot takes on this but i've been going through my 2023 tumblr archive to update my FAQs (linked in pinned post) and the sheer violence of those anons i was receiving last may from trans activists just for being a HP fan is baffling. it's funny how quickly you forget, or how you sit there and wonder if maybe, you overreacted a bit. in hindsight, i don't think i did. those were horrid.

i wrote a couple of pieces at the time (here and here) about how i felt these people (who send hate to strangers on the internet) were harming the cause, which to me, is very much stating the obvious. of course, they are harming the cause. you send people death threats for literally no reason and you sound insane, and thus cheapen the work of all and any activists out there who are supporting the same cause as you. that's how the right wins. by saying: look! these people are violent and insane! and getting away with harmful legislation to "combat" them.

but, i think what's interesting is that this isn't exclusive to trans rights. as we, on the left, have seen the right radicalise (and no, this is not only a US problem) there seems to be this tension that emerges in the question of: how do we react? because the fact of the matter is that whilst the act of sending strangers anonymous death threats on the internet is relatively harmless, the right has fallen into a habit of using increasingly violent methods to get their point across, some of which do work on the masses, the same way all authoritative governments work, by instilling fear.

and, i think, for a lot of people on the left (myself included) there is a real question as to whether we are ready to and/or should, be using similar methods. cancel culture and online death threats and all of these moralising exercises from people who claim a societal moral high ground, is an iteration of that. and, i believe that this is actually not an easy question to solve. because, just like on a playground, there are times when it is actually appropriate to hit back, there may be times where the use of violence and threats is justified. there are people who have been "cancelled" who... deserved it. JKR is probably first in line. and, i don't think that's a particularly shocking take.

i come from a country where most major societal advancements have been won through armed revolution and the spilling of blood, so i'm not someone who actually believes that peaceful protest will always get you where you want to be. sometimes, in the face of violence and oppression, violence has its place. and, i am not a trans person myself, but i can understand the outrage and anger you might feel as one, seeing the violence and the legislation out there, especially in certain american states, or in the uk. so, you see someone on the internet enjoying the work of someone who seems to be threatening your right to exist, and you want to respond in a way that is equally violent. i do see the logic. to be honest, when you look at the harm JKR is being accused of, sending death threats to people who enjoy her work may even seem tame.

at the same time, as i've said above, anyone with more than two brain cells can see that whatever these people are trying to do, aligning with the violence of the right and responding "in kind" is ridiculous. it's going nowhere. it's making other trans activists look crazy by association, because what the fuck are you doing sending death threats to people for writing fanfiction about a book? chill. get off your high horse and understand that we are all navigating the world in shades of grey. it goes beyond lunatic behaviour and is, again, reinforcing the right's legitimacy in imposing laws and sanctions that are preventing people from having basic human rights. just like when the right sends twitter death threats to and doxxes left-wing activists, we, on the left, look at them (rightfully) thinking they are insane and evil.

at the time this happened, i had a conversation with a friend of mine who basically said (i am paraphrasing) "don't use the words 'trans activist' to talk about these people. they are not trans activists, they are harming the cause, and it's hurting me to be grouped with them." so at the time, i didn't. but... i'm not going to lie, this comment really angered me and stuck with me, though. i didn't say anything at the time, because i was not in the mood to get into another argument (especially with a friend - and i kind of know you'll be reading this, and if you are, i'm sorry i didn't say these things to you at the time), but i felt like "hey, you're not on the receiving end of death threats from these people, you don't really get to tell me what to do."

and, now that time has passed, i think i know why i felt like that. because these people, sending death threats on the internet in support of this cause, are trans activists. not only do they identify as such, and act in favour and support of this cause, but also, i'm pretty sure i would agree with most of what they believe in. and, i think, for a lot of us on the left, it's very easy to distance ourselves from this violent fringe that has risen in the past few years, instead of looking at it for what it is, which is an active part of our political spectrum. i think distancing ourself from it helps us avoid the real question of: are we okay with using the right's methods to achieve our aims of protecting human rights?

obviously, in this debate, you also have to weigh in the fact that internet activism is a mostly fake. i'm pretty sure that beyond sending HP fans death threats on the internet, these people have, IRL, actually achieved nothing of substance in the fight for trans rights. which makes their existence and belonging to the movement even more frustrating because not only is their particular brand of activism harming other forms of left-wing activism, but it's not even a net positive. but they are part of this movement and i think recognising them as such is actually pretty important.

i say i don't have any novel takes on this debate because this is a recurring question for the left and it’s been so for decades, and i don't have a solution. i don't really know what my opinion is on these people and their methods, and i, too, am navigating shades of grey. there is a part of me that will always believe that the left should not, actually, respond in kind. ever. that we're better than that. but, should we be?

i think there are things that we believe in, and principles that we uphold, that do not and cannot support idiotic behaviour, such as sending strangers death threats on the internet, regardless of the fact that we are doing this to match the other side's energy. but, other types of more violent action? i don't know. i don't know where the line should be drawn. there is a difference between the potential, debatable legitimacy of armed revolution and, again, a fake form of internet activism which helps literally no one. but, i think we do need to recognise that these two ideas stem from the same root of matching the right blow for blow and using its methods to advance a cause. it is a form of activism, it's just not one that we like to think about.

[gaykarstaagforever]

Midsommar (2019)

Too bad it's Midsommar and not S-tier Sommar, amirite??

That's unfair. It's better than that. Barely.

This is my first A24 movie. I expected more of a creepy arthouse vibe. Instead I kept having flashbacks to 2017's The Ritual, another movie with an interesting central conceit that undercut it with too many "shocking" set pieces. This movie is better than that one, but they certainly share the same ineffective vibe.

It's just too goofy. I spent half the movie laughing at either the sheer ridiculousness of whatever was going on, or where I guessed they were taking things. And I was always right. This feels like a screenplay I wrote 10 years ago and then went, "Eh. This has sort of gotten away from me. It's just kind of stupid now."

The production design and cast are good, and I like the score. It is a competent Hollywood-style movie. And as a gratuitous B-movie, it is okay. It is about a half-hour too long because it is paced like a bad conversation; it has to beat us in the face with a mallet (ho, ho!) to make sure we pick up every point, I guess because it thinks we're stupid? Or whoever wrote it was on Adderall and just couldn't let any scene go without triple-confirming to themselves whatever point was being made. Either way, it doesn't let anything breathe. And that is only bearable because so much of this is, again, very goofy. There isn't much to "get."

There are video essays and articles "explaining" this movie. ...To whom? Why? What the hell did you miss, that the movie didn't laboriously point out to you? I am kind of shocked that someone watched this and was like, "That was over my head. These scenes should have been longer, with more ham-fisted allegorical layering."

I'm making it sound worse than it is. But it also is what it is. And what it is, is a movie by people who said, "Wicker Man was good and creepy and killed just one guy. If we do like 9, that will be WAY scarier!" And they did that. And, of course, it isn't. Because you guys clearly missed the point of The Wicker Man.

I had thought to call this "Wes Anderson's Wicker Man," because Ari Aster certainly has stylistic things in common with Wes Anderson. But I feel like an actual Wes Anderson Wicker Man remake would have more to say about SOMETHING than Midsommar does.

Look. Straight monogamous people can make movies, too. I'm sure they have stuff to reflect on over there. I just don't appreciate whatever that is. Anything along those lines that I got from Midsommar do not paint these people or their world in a positive light. My final assessment on any message here is, "Man. Straight Americans are very lonely, and frustratingly weird and selfish about sex." And as I am an American, sure, we are indeed all that, I understand. But why go to all this trouble to say THAT?

Was that the intent? I doubt it.

Again. It's fine. It's a fun and funny B-movie, with good gore. It would have been better if it had really leaned into all that, because it is all the pretentions to profundity that fall flat.

Oh and the blood eagle? Really? What, is this a rule that any American movie about creepy Scandinavians has to show a guy flayed-out in a barn? You know that probably wasn't even a real thing they did, right? And you didn't even do anything interesting with it here.

I guess, in the end, we can take from this that, if you are invited to a thing that is a bunch of pretty white people in white robes, just get back in the car and leave. I know, you think you can get some fun out of it. But you won't. You never, ever will. Trust me.

Also. You idiots made we wait the ENTIRE movie for weird sex stuff...and THAT was it? That's all you had? That wasn't anything. Maybe some monacles popped in Nebraska churches over that. But give me a break. That wasn't worth anything. Especially not the deranged way Florence Pugh's character overreacts to it.

...I'm talking myself into liking this less. It's FINE. If you loved it, good for you.

You can have it.

[jananakookie]

Beauty | kth - Chapter 13.1

Pairing: Taehyung x OC (Reader) , slight Jimin x OC

Genre/Tags: Strangers to Lovers, Idiots to lovers (kinda), single dad; humor (-ish?), slow burn, angst, fluff, smut

Chapter Warnings: angst, mentions of heartbreak, mentions of depression & anxiety

Word count: 10k

Series summary: Taehyung knows what beauty is. He sees it every day.

You feel like you haven’t seen real beauty in a while but you think you remember what it looked like.

Or maybe you both have no idea?

Previous Chapter / Chapter List / Next Chapter

Chapter 13.1

“I’m a dick.“

Jungkook tilts his head a little as he looks at his best friend. “I mean… Do you expect me to disagree or something?“ He asks the older guy, looking rather smug while doing it. “’Cause we established that already.“

Taehyung covers his face with his hands, sighing deeply into them. “It’s not unlikely that she didn't want me there anyway, is it?“ With hopeful eyes, he looks at Jungkook but quickly covers his face with his hands again and groans in despair when he sees the look on his best friend's face.

“We could most likely answer that question without having to speculate if you would have shown the decency to… you know… stay.“ The younger one grimaces.

“Tell me again why I’m having this conversation with you and not with Namjoon?“ Taehyung mutters, glaring at him.

“Because he would yell at you and you said, and I quote: “I'd rather be insulted and made fun of by you than be yelled at and put down by Joon because at least, I can't take you seriously“. And then you said something about me being a better friend and way better looking or something…“

Cocking a brow, Taehyung looks at him. “I most definitely didn’t say that last part.“

“Whatever. Can't remember. Maybe I just added it in my head because we both know it’s true, but you’re much too proud to admit it.“ Jungkook shrugs.

Taehyung isn't in the mood to joke around, and he can't concentrate on anything but you anyway, so it comes with no surprise when he doesn't respond to Jungkook at all and instead continues with his whining. “Fuck, what should I do now, Jungkook? She didn’t even call…“

“I know, and I already told you it’s because you were a dick.“ Jungkook declares. “Honestly, how often do you want me to repeat it?“

Ignoring his best friend's not-helpful inputs, Taehyung takes his phone out of his pocket, looking through his mentions once again. No missed calls from you, no new messages from you either. He fucked up.

Groaning, he throws his phone to the other side of the couch in frustration.“I should have stayed and been there for her.“

“I mean, you’re just repeating what I told you earlier, but… sure. You’re right. You’re a genius.“ Picking some dirt from under his nails, Jungkook rolls his eyes. “I don’t get why you don’t just call her instead. Why make her come to you if you’re the one who fucked up?"

“Because I'm not sure if that would be the right thing to do. Maybe she’s mad and doesn’t want to talk to me. Or she just needs more time, or—“

“Or she’s with him and has already forgotten about you.“ Jungkook thinks out loud, instantly regretting it when he sees Taehyung’s spiteful glare in his direction. “I was joking.“ He quickly says, trying to mask a smile.

“Jokes are supposed to be funny. All yours do is make me even more anxious.“ Taehyung states, biting his lip in his nervous state.

Patting his best friend’s back, Jungkook tries to comfort him. “I’m sorry, man. You know how I am. Just trying to loosen you up a little bit.“ He smiles. “___ wouldn’t do that. Have a little faith in her, come on. She’s never done anything that would even remotely justify you doubting her this much.“

Hearing Jungkook say that makes him feel even worse, but he knows that he’s right. He’s probably just overreacting, that's all. “I don’t know why I am like that.“ Taehyung sighs, simply staring ahead.

Jungkook clears his throat, throwing his arm around Taehyung's shoulder in the process. “It’s not that hard to explain, actually. You’re just abnormally insecure when it comes to relationships.“ The younger one states, sounding sure about his words. “You’ve been this way with Jisoo, it just showed a little differently back then. You did everything she wanted you to, broke contacts, changed your personality, changed your style blablabla, all because you were afraid she would leave you. Now you’re doing the same with ___, but instead of following her like a lost little puppy, you do the other extreme and push her away as soon as you fear that something isn’t right. She had a past before you, just like you had a past before her. You dealt with yours, she hasn’t. And now her past is about to catch up with her but instead of being there for her and helping her through it, you decided to make a run for it and come to me to cry on my shoulder about it.“

Seeing the way Taehyung only gapes at him, he chuckles slightly. “I know, I know. I’m hot when I say smart stuff, eh? God, I would bang me too…“

“What should I do now? What if my behavior drove her into his arms even more?“ Taehyung asks without responding to him again, smoothly bypassing Jungkook's last comment.

Jungkook only rolls his eyes. “What if you’re just overreacting as always? It could have a thousand reasons why she hasn’t called yet. I’d say, wait till after work, and if you haven’t heard anything by then, you drive straight to hers and try to talk this out.“

Thinking about it for a while, the older one nods his head once. “Yeah… guess I could do that then.“ Taehyung sighs, not really happy with that solution, but in the end, it may just be the best he has.

“And don't let your insecurities stop you from showing her why she needs to be with you instead of him. Trust me, it's time to come clean with her. Tell her how you feel and what you want, and don't simply assume she knows just because you made her come once. 'Cause that's not the only achievement you should be going for.“ Jugkook adds with a scoff, making Taehyng instantly glare at him.

“Okay, you've had your five minutes of wisdom already. Now don't get carried away.“

At this, Jungkook laughs and even Taehyung cracks somewhat of a smile. “Thanks for being there for me. Even if it's in your own, annoyingly weird way. I appreciate that.“

“Wanna make out? I won't tell ___, I promise.“

And with that being said, Taehyung pushes a giggling Jungkook away from him with as much forth as he can bring up before getting up from the couch at once.

“Would it be alright for you to watch Hyejin today?“ He then asks while grabbing his jacket.

“A little short notice, don't you think?" Jungkook smirks, obviously still playing around, but he soon after nods his head approvingly. “Promise I won't lose her.“

“Honestly, Jungkook. I'm counting on you, so don't mess up.“

“Calm down,“ Jungkook groans, now standing up as well, joining Taehyung at the door. “I'll take care of everything, while you make up with ___.“

Taehyung doesn't miss the winks his best friend sends his way but deliberately doesn't comment on it.

“If you don't come home, I'll take it as a good sign, alright?"

Taehyung doesn't comment on that either, but Jungkook still catches the grin that his best friend tries to stifle before he disappears in his room to get ready for work.

The weather is incredibly changeable today which makes the photoshoot not exactly easier. Taehyung can't complain too much, though, because while the models are inevitably on the verge of freezing to death, he can at least stand behind the camera in his warm jacket.

“Nari, could you maybe not look like you're stuck in a freezer for one second?" He sighs, realizing he once again can't use any of the shots he just took.

“Excuse me? I might as well be stuck in a freezer. It wouldn't change anything at all. This is ridiculous. Why do we have to wear almost nothing while promoting a stupid hotel?“ She jitters, sounding far less annoyed than she probably would under normal circumstances.

“I know it sucks, but it's not my fault, nor is it my decision. If you want to complain, you're very welcome to go to Mr. Han and tell him how crappy all of this is.“ He shoots back, earning only a glare from her. Sighing, he tells her to get back into position as she does right after. “Look, the sooner we get it over with, the sooner we can wrap it up, and you can wear warmer clothes.“

She doesn't answer and instead simply follows his instructions, desperate to be done here as soon as possible. But right after Taehyung takes the first few photos, he hears someone calling his name from a faraway distance.

“One second, I'm almost done.“ He mumbles, subconsciously knowing they won't hear him but he's concentrating on Nari at the moment and doesn't care.

“Hey!“

Already annoyed by the still unknown person, Taehyung averts his gaze from his camera for a second and looks up. He’s a little surprised to see someone jog up to him, hastily waving his arms as if to get his attention. He doesn’t recognize him at first, but with a closer look, he feels like his eyes are about to fall out of his head when he sees no other than Jimin being that person.

When he finally reaches him, he stands in front of him for a while, smiling like they’re long-lost friends or something when it couldn't be farther from the truth.

Jimin extends his hand, much like he did last night, but this time, Taehyung actually reacts to it and shakes it on the spot. “Your name was Taehyung, wasn't it? You’re a friend of ___’s?“

Taehyung needs a moment to process that Jimin, your ex-boyfriend, who probably came here with the simple purpose of winning you back is now here, smiling at him.

“Uh… yes.“ He suddenly coughs. “And you’re Jimin.“

“That I am.“ He laughs, withdrawing his hand. “The one and only.“

“Uh, I’m sorry but… Can I help you? Because I don’t wanna be rude, but I’m kinda working and I don't wanna get into trouble.“

“Oh! Of course, sorry. I was just on my way to ___’s actually and I coincidentally saw you here.“ He rakes his fingers through his hair as if debating what to say next. Taehyung can see that he wants to say more, but he watches how his gaze turns to the floor instead. “Thought you’d have a minute to talk, maybe?“ Jimin then asks, looking up again with hopeful eyes.

Taehyung can’t say he isn’t surprised by his sudden request to talk to him because why would he want that in the first place? Does he know something is going on between him and you? Maybe he put two and two together or maybe you told him something. He doesn’t know, but he doesn’t want to find out either.

And what if it’s even worse and Jimin and you got back together, and he just wants to tell him to fuck off?

What suddenly shakes him out of his thoughts is the sight of Mr. Han, already stomping towards him from afar, and it makes a shiver run down his spine when he sees him fixing his eyes on him in particular as to see what he's up to. “Sorry, uh… I—I just told you, I’m working.“ As he sees his boss coming closer, he immediately starts sweating, not wanting to get in any trouble again. “Sorry Jimin, my boss is very strict. If he sees me talking to you—“

Turning around to see who Taehyung has his eyes fixed on, Jimin squints his eyes to see better. “No problem, I’ll take care of it.“ He suddenly says, “Which one is your boss?“ He then asks, making Taehyung once again look at him weirdly.

“Which one? Wait, what?“

Before Taehyung can say any more, Nari suddenly appears next to him. “He’s the one who looks like he has a micropenis and never sleeps with his wife just so she doesn’t find out.“

Jimin’s eyes wander for only a split second before he nods with an affirmative “got it“ before he’s already on his way to him with fast, confident steps.

Neither Taehyung nor Nari immediately realizes what he’s about to do, but when they finally catch on, they both look like they’re about to die.

“Why the fuck did you tell him that?!“ Taehyung starts to rage. “Mr. Han will literally kill me!“

“How was I supposed to know he wants to talk to him? And besides, don't worry, he will definitely die before you.“

Groaning in frustration, Taehyung continues to keep a sharp eye on Jimin as the ladder finally approaches his boss whose vein on his neck already looks like it’s about to burst just from simply glaring at people. Geez, he should be glad that Jimin will be history in a few seconds, but somehow he feels sorry for him. The poor guy has no idea what’s about to come.

He can’t even look at him so he believes it’d be best if he just averts his eyes but it’s like a car crash, he can’t look away. And so he watches in horror when he sees Jimin speak his first words to the grumpy little dwarf.

But nothing happens.

Instead, he sees something probably no one has ever seen before: His boss is… laughing?

“Tae, am I hallucinating?“

Taehyung faintly hears Nari's voice while he watches the scene unfold in front of him. “Would seem more likely to me than that this is actually happening right now.“ He answers, sounding barely mentally present. “That never happened before. I never even saw him smile. And with him, he’s laughing?“

“Who is that guy because I need him to be around forever.“ Nari jokes as she smacks Taehyung’s arm with a laugh of her own.

“I wouldn't mind either.“ Byeol agrees, now joining the scene as well. “Is he a friend of yours, and if yes, can you please introduce me?“

Taehyung doesn’t know how to answer because, well, what should he say?

Oh, he’s just the ex-boyfriend of the girl I like. He merely came here to win her back, no biggie.

Fortunately, he doesn’t have to give her an answer, when Jimin starts laughing loudly, pats Mr. Han’s back a few times, and shakes his hand after. He then comes walking back to the two girls and Taehyung, who are watching him carefully. And they’re not the only ones. Jimin has the eyes of everybody on the set on him, but he doesn’t even seem to notice.

“Alright, you’re excused for about half an hour.“ He beams, looking at a gobsmacked Taehyung who isn’t in the right state to give him an answer. “I promise, I won’t take too long. I just want to talk about something, and given how you seem to be close enough to ___, I guess you’re the right one for this.“

“How did you do that?“ Taehyung asks cocking a brow at Jimin. He didn’t trust him before, but he sure as hell doesn’t trust him now. What just happened isn't normal, and he will be sure to look for three little sixes, tattooed somewhere on this guy.

Jimin frowns as he looks at him in wonder. “What do you mean?“

“Mr. Han never laughs. He never even smiles, and he sure as hell does not give people half an hour off for them to have a chat with someone. He didn’t even want to give me a day off when Hyejin had a fever, so… What are you?“

Jimin just falls into a fit of small giggles as he shakes his head at the younger male. “That my friend,“ He grins, “is charm. I just know when and how to use it. I saved ___ from getting a speeding ticket more than once.“ He shrugs casually, keeping that grin on his face.

It doesn’t look arrogant, though. Somehow, he manages to still look somewhat humble.

“Whatever it is, you have to teach him.“ Nari chimes in, carelessly linking her arm with Jimin's as she smiles up at him with big eyes. “Our Taehyung here is his favorite punching bag.“

“Sure, I’ll show you how it’s done.“ He looks at Taehyung with nothing but kindness in his eyes, and Taehyung almost feels bad that he wished for him to catch the worst explosive diarrhea of his life last night.

“I'm Byeol, by the way, and I'm single.“ Byeol suddenly winks, squeezing herself between Jimin and Nari and placing one hand flat on his chest. Taehyung can't help but roll his eyes while suppressing his laugh. Shameless as always, but if Jimin decided to go with one of them, he'd at least leave you alone.

Jimin, on the other hand, looks a little baffled by their sudden assault on him, but he quickly shakes it off again and replaces it with his typical charming smile. “Jimin. Nice to meet you.“

“Great so tell me, Jimin, do you have a girlfriend?" Nari then asks, unmistakably catching him off guard as he even starts to blush a little.

Before he can answer, though, Taehyung quickly intervenes, not wanting to have this conversation in front of everyone. So he excessively clears his throat and calls for Minho, his colleague, to come over. Luckily, it doesn't take Minho a few seconds before he's standing in front of him. “Take over for a second? I have to take care of something real quick, and then I'll be right back. Mr. Han knows what's up.“

Minho looks surprised but nods his head in agreement. “Can't say I'm happy to be working with this brat, but if the devil himself allows you to, I guess I don't have any other choice, right?" Minho sighs, looking at Nari, who already gives him the middle finger with a grimace.

“Thanks, man. Promise I'll be quick.“ Taehyung pats his coworker's back a single time before motioning with his head for Jimin to follow him.

And that’s how he finds himself only a few minutes later, sitting on a brick wall a couple of meters from the set, next to Jimin — your ex-boyfriend of ten years. Ain’t nothing weird about that.

The atmosphere is awkward, and it's not like it wasn't expected, but it's still unbearable. Thankfully Jimin is the first one to speak up right after they sat down. “Sorry for just blindsiding you like that and demanding for you to listen to my whining. We don’t even know each other. I can understand that this might be odd to you.“

Yes, absolutely. “No, no. Nothing is odd.“ Taehyung says instead. Yeah, alright, he just can't bring himself to be rude to him, okay? The guy is nothing but friendly, and not returning it (even if he might have a reason) would just make him the asshole. He also can't imagine that you would find that behavior particularly good of him. Especially, since you're always defending Jimin anyway.

So he has to play it cool, try to figure out what he wants from him,, and just get it over with.

“Sorry, I don’t understand what it is exactly that you want from me.“ Taehyung suddenly admits, looking at Jimin with expectation.

Jimin laughs at that as he leans back a little. “I know, it’s out of the blue, but I thought that maybe you could help me.“ He clears his throat, and Taehyung can see how he nervously fiddles with his hands. “With ___ and all, you know?“

“___?“ Taehyung stutters, “y-you want my help regarding ___?“ He just needs to hear it again so he can grasp what Jimin just asked of him.

Taehyung knows his opponent probably doesn’t know what’s going on between him and you, and he doesn’t mean to make it this awkward, but… dammit. Asking that of him is just cruel.

“I know we just met once and I had a feeling that we didn’t hit it off, but you’re the only one I can ask. I don’t know any of her friends here and… I just don’t know what to do.“ Jimin ruffles his hair as he sighs loudly. “Obviously, I don’t know much, but I guessed you guys must be close enough if you let her babysit your daughter. Is that right?“

Taehyung gulps, but he tries to mask it with a little smile. “Yeah. Guess you could say that. She kind of saved Hyejin on the day we first met.“ He chuckles, reminiscing the day again. It feels like it was ages ago, even if it’s only been a few months in reality.

“How did she do that?“ Jimin questions, seemingly interested in the story. Taehyung can see the way his eyes shine brighter and he guesses it has to be because of you.

He wonders if his eyes do the same.

“Ah, you know, my useless best friend was supposed to watch Hyejin while I went to work and he somehow managed to lose her. ___ found her and brought her to the police station. Who knows what would’ve happened if she hadn’t been there.“ He adds. “Hyejin immediately took a liking to her, and seeing how I was in desperate need of someone to look after her, ___ seemed to be a perfect choice.“

“Yes, all of that sounds exactly like her.“ Jimin smiles, eyes permanently locked to his intertwined hands. “She’s always been the type of person to save the day.“ He laughs. “Damn, she saved me more times than she should have. My big mouth tends to get me into trouble easily but with her… I felt like I was invincible.“ Grinning slightly, he stares into the distance. “She’s my guardian angel.“

“Sounds more like a nanny to me.“ Taehyung adds, thinking he only said it to himself, but he hears Jimin chuckle at that.

Frowning deeply, he rubs his hands against the fabric of his jeans. The way Jimin talks about you is like he just jumped out of a picture-perfect Disney movie and Taehyung has no trouble buying every single word he says. But there’s just something he doesn’t get.

How is it possible to love someone so dearly but then manage to fuck it up the way he did?

How is it possible to love someone so much and still hurt them like this? How can it happen that, despite all their feelings, someone manages to drive everything they had with their significant other against the wall in just a couple of seconds?

How can you love someone in this way and still have someone else come in between?

“There’s something you need to explain to me.“ He pauses but when he feels Jimin’s eyes burn into the side of his head, he continues, “So, I get it, you love her.“ He states, finally looking at the other guy patiently waiting for him to get to the point, “why did you throw it all away for someone you barely knew? I mean, that just doesn’t make any sense.“

Jimin stays silent for a moment. Taehyung can see how he nervously bites his lip. “I knew she told you. I would’ve done the same in her place.“

“She never even talked badly about you.“ Taehyung quickly says, watching how Jimin’s ears perk up at his words. “She did tell us the story. But she never… She never made you out to be a bad person or anything like that. She tried to justify your actions but I just– I don't see it.“

The corners of Jimin's mouth visibly drop at that. “Why does that make me feel even worse about the whole story?“

“Because it should.“ Taehyung leans back as well, crossing his arms in front of his chest as he shoots Jimin a testing look. “It makes you realize more who and what you’ve lost.“

Jimin nods, sighing after. “Yeah…“

“Which brings us back to my earlier question.“ Taehyung persists, mustering his opponent intensely.

Realizing Taehyung won’t back down, Jimin groans and shuts his eyes. “I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.“

Upon hearing his lame excuse, Taehyung scoffs. “Is it hard to explain, or do you not know? You should probably decide on one version.“

“Look, I don’t know if you’ll understand—“

“I can try.“ Taehyung interrupts, shrugging his shoulders carelessly as he throws him a look. “Not gonna lie, I am biased. But I’m also curious.“

Jimin squints at him while barely moving his head. He doesn’t want to look him in the eyes. He can’t take any more of those judging looks people give him whenever he has to re-tell the story. It's the same look that Hoseok gave him, the same look his parents gave him when he had to tell them why you weren't coming over anymore. Yes, he fucked up and he knows it but he’s hurting too, even if no one cares about it or thinks he deserves it. It takes a toll on him as well. And to be honest, he simply feels like he hit rock bottom by now. Not that he wants people's pity, not at all, but he just wishes someone would try to understand him too.

“First of all, you have to know that it wasn’t about Minji. At all. I didn’t tell ___ about her because I was fantasizing about being with her or whatever. I know that’s probably what you’re thinking, given how that’s what everybody thinks whenever they ask me about what happened and I get it. It seems obvious, I know, but it's utter bullshit.“ Jimin looks mad while saying all that. As if he felt personally attacked by these accusations. As if it were so inconceivable that one could believe that’s the truth. Taehyung can practically feel the frustration pouring out of him.

“I never wanted to be with anyone but ___. I still don’t. What happened with Minji was… Well, I wish I would know, honestly.“ He scoffs, running his fingers through his hair. “We tried to ignore it. Both of us. Because as soon as I realized that she may have grown a little too interested, I told her that it will never happen. And she accepted that. She knew about ___ and she knew that I wouldn’t leave her and she didn’t want that either. She didn’t want to come between us. That wasn’t her intention at all.“

“Jimin, I don’t need to know all of that. All I wanted was the reason—“

“I felt guilty.“ Jimin suddenly says, cutting Taehyung off mid-sentence. “I tried to keep my distance but I somehow still thought of her when I was home. When I was with ___.“ He looks down in shame when he says that. “It was just mutual attraction. Just a spark. Nothing more I swear. But at the same time, it was too much to just forget about or ignore while I had to see her almost every day. And the guilt was eating me up. Even up to the point where I let it out on ___. I was moody towards her, distant even. That was the last thing I wanted. So I just needed to do something about it.“

Taehyung notices, how he scratches the skin on his arm rather fiercely. Must be a nervous habit, and he doesn't comment on it, although it looks like he's almost about to scratch himself bloody if he keeps it up.

“I knew she’d be mad and hurt but I thought we would talk about it. I thought she would at least let me explain. Never in a million years did I think she’d break up right on the spot and run away to fucking Seoul without a single chance for me to reach her.“ He's unmistakably mad now, this cannot be overlooked but Taehyung knows he's not mad at you. He's mad at himself. It's clear from the way he hurts himself while reminiscing the memories as if to punish himself.

Slowly withdrawing his eyes from Jimin's arm, Taehyung thinks about everything Jimin just told him. Admittedly, up to this point, the story sounded quite comprehensible, but there is something that Taehyung still doesn't understand. “She didn’t leave right away, though. Why didn’t you ever go to her parents’ house and fix things?“

If he thought Jimin looked repentant before, he now looks completely regretful. And he doesn’t even have to confirm anything before Taehyung rolls his eyes in disbelieve. “So much for: I didn’t want anyone but ___.“

“I didn’t! I don’t.“ Jimin quickly says, wide eyes looking at his opponent in terror. “I was drunk, and I was heartbroken. You don’t understand.“

“Poor you. Want a hug?“ Taehyung pouts, knowing full well that it would only add more salt to the wound. He ignores Jimin’s glare and simply looks past him. Not that he cares, Jimin deserves it. You have suffered too but didn’t run to the next best dickhead either. “You’re playing the victim.“

“I’m not. I know what I did wrong.“ Jimin snaps back. “There were a lot of factors that came together and influenced my senses that night. I could no longer think straight. As soon as it came to my mind that I just...“ He pauses, closing his eyes and shaking his head with a sour look on his face. “It was immediately over, I promise. I hadn't even seen her again till a couple of weeks ago when I went to the studio for the first time in months. And I never even thought of her either. Only ___. She's it for me.“

Shit, that hurt. Why does he have to sound so sincere? Taehyung actually believes him, and it fucks with his head because he's not supposed to. Jimin is supposed to be the asshole ex-boyfriend who doesn't deserve you but instead, he's sitting here, withdrawing tears as he confesses about his undying love for you. This is not good.

"So, how do you know it won't happen again, huh?“ Taehyung quietly asks, staring at his lap. “If you felt “a spark“ with someone else once, it surely can happen again.“

Jimin smiles, shaking his head confidently. “No, it won't. I know it won't.“ He notices the frown on Taehyung's forehead and catches him opening his mouth to counter against it, but he doesn't let him. “It's only natural for you to not believe me in this, and there's no way I can explain it to you, but I'm a thousand percent sure.“

Well, what else is there to say. He's certain it won't happen again and Taehyung doesn't believe him because people change and if something like this can happen once, it can happen again. It's not rocket science, it's simply how life and people work. They're unpredictable. Jimin didn't want it to happen the first time either and yet, here they are. Logically thinking, he can never be sure about it not happening again. But Taehyung already realized that nothing he has or wants to say will change anything.

Jimin made up his mind. He believes whatever his heart and his brain tell him right now and you will believe whatever your heart and your brain will tell you. And if you decide to put your trust in him again, then that's your decision, and he can't change it.

All he can do is hope for the best. Whatever the best is.

“I’ve been through my fair share of heartbreaks too.“ He quietly says after a while of silence between the two. “I know it hurts and you aren't always able to think straight or act rationally.“ He catches Jimin's curious gaze on him. “What I'm trying to say is, I don't believe you're a bad guy either. And heartbreak sucks.“

Jimin nods. “Definitely the worst I ever felt.“ He says, brushing his hair out of his face. “How long does it usually last?“

His question comes unexpected to Taehyung, and he is on the verge of throwing a funny remark but surpasses the urge as soon as he sees the look on Jimin’s face. So he swallows what he actually wanted to say and thinks about a more fitting answer.

“It differs from relationship to relationship, I guess.“ He shrugs, “For me personally it never lasted very long.“

Nodding again, Jimin clears his throat. “Well, for me, it’s been eight months but it still feels like it was yesterday.“ He pauses for a while, as does Taehyung. “I truly, honestly regret everything that happened. I hate myself for it and if there is anything that makes me at least a little bit happy these days, it’s the certainty that she is obviously much better off than I am.“ He states.

“Never expected that I could ever surpass the hatred I felt for myself at the time of the accident, but... here we are.“ he suddenly adds, making the atmosphere even more depressed than it already was.

And suddenly, Taehyung feels like the bad guy again. Here he is, desperately trying to find evidence that Jimin is nothing but a piece of shit who doesn't deserve you but instead he sympathizes with him.

He hates to admit it but no matter what Jimin did, he really does love you. There’s no doubt in that. And it stings, coming to terms with the fact that you were right. He may not be a bad guy after all. And that would be great if it wouldn’t lower his own chances with you in the process.

“So, how did it go last night?“ Taehyung then asks, wanting to bring the conversation forward. He's dying to know how things are between you and him as of now.

At least, so far it doesn't look like you've reconciled either, though he'd rather hear it directly from Jimin. That would at least calm his nerves a little bit. Besides, Jimin was on his way to see you earlier — what’s the deal with that? Why would he need to meet you again today if you already talked last night?

Jimin scoffs, shaking his head. “Not too well, honestly. That’s kind of why I asked for your help. I thought maybe she told you something… I don’t know. Do you think there’s anything I could do to make her forgive me?“

Taken aback by Jimin’s question, Taehyung’s eyebrows shoot up. He doesn’t even know what to say to that, it’s that ridiculous.

“I know, what you’re thinking,“ no, Taehyung doesn’t think he knows, “But it’s— I think she doesn’t want me back.“ Jimin’s voice breaks at the last word but he quickly gets himself together and clears his throat. “I was confident coming here, you know? I didn’t think it would be easy, trying to get her back, but I sure as hell didn’t think it would be so…. pointless either.“

“Why did you come here?“ Taehyung asks him.

“Because I love her.“ Jimin shrugs, looking at him as if it wasn’t obvious. It is, but for some reason, Taehyung just likes to torture himself. “I came here because I love her more than anything and anybody else in this world.“ Jimin says with a shaky breath. “And I can’t do it without her, I don’t want to. I honestly think I can’t live without her.“

At that, Taheuyng looks at him with a frown. “Don’t say stuff like that.“ He sighs, turning his gaze back to stare into the cloudy sky.

“No… I didn’t mean it like that, don’t worry.“ Jimin says. “I can live without her, sure… but I don’t think I can ever be happy.“

Now, this Taehyung understands. He knows exactly what he means. But as much as he does understand him, he also knows that this is definitely not the right way to approach this.

“That isn’t healthy.“ He breathes, noticing how Jimin looks at him through his peripheral view. “You shouldn't make all your joy dependent on one person.“ He tells him, turning his head to look at him too. “Not only is that unhealthy for you, but it also isn’t fair on her. She shouldn’t live her life just to make you happy.“

Jimin frowns, wondering if this really is the image Taehyug (and other people) has of him. “No, that’s… That’s not it. I mean, I make her happy too. Or at least there was a time where I did.“

Taehyung doesn’t say anything to that anymore and for a while, they just fall into a beat of silence.

“I was sixteen when I met her first.“ Jimin then speaks up after a while. “She had me from the start.“ Laughing slightly, he squints at the sun that suddenly starts to come out for just a second before it disappears again behind a relatively large cloud.

He doesn’t even notice how Taehyung loses the intense stare on his lap and instead fixes his eyes on him.

“I thought she was way too cool to be my girlfriend and apparently, she thought so too because it took me a whole ass year before she finally agreed to go out with me.“ A ghost of a smile spreads on his face as he’s picking his nails in thought. “At the latest from then on, we were inseparable. For a whole decade.“ Turning his head in Taehyung’s direction, he smiles at him again. Not minding how the latter doesn’t return it.

“Have you ever met someone like that?“ He then asks Taehyung.

Turning his head quickly, Taehyung clears his throat but doesn’t answer. He can’t. It’s a good thing that Jimin doesn’t even notice, seeing how he’s way too deep in his thoughts. Taehyung catches how Jimin once again scratches that particular spot on the inside of his arm. This time, however, Jimin sightly angles it a little differently afterward, giving Taehyung the chance to see the slightly darker lines on the skin of his arm.

“What’s that?“ He instantly voices his thoughts, not caring if his question might be too intrusive or not. He already has a theory and he just wants to hear if he’s right about it.

Following Taehyung’s gaze onto his arm, Jimin scoffs amusedly. “My battle scar.“ The older one grins, examining the little spot on his otherwise flawless skin. “At least that’s what ___ calls it.“

It looks like a bite. That’s the first thought that’s running through Taehyung’s head when he sees it, and it makes him wonder if it has something to do with yours.

Seeming to notice his questioning gaze, Jimin clears his throat. “Has she ever told you?“ He asks. “About what happened?“

Taehyung nods. So he was correct with his assumptions then. It does have something to do with you. “Didn’t know you got hurt as well, though.“

“Eh,“ Jimin shrugs, “Barely as you can see. Unfortunately, between the both of us she was the one who got the worst of it.“ He contorts his face in shame as he tries to hide the scar on his arm again. “That beast got me when I desperately tried to get it off of her. It wouldn’t budge.“ He sighs, reminiscing the memories of the night he hates to think about.

“It wasn’t fair. The only reason she was even there was because I dragged her with me. She didn’t want to, she just did it because of me. To make me happy. And all I get is a fucking bite mark on my arm whereas she was in the hospital for months, in pain. And that wasn’t even the worst part. No, the worst part came after. Depression, anxiety… all because of me.“ He grits. “Yet another time where I was the reason for her being hurt.“

Taehyung remembers thinking that the accident was with no doubt Jimin's fault the night you told them the story. And yet... now that he hears it again, this time from Jimin himself, he sees it with different eyes. After all, he did go back and try to help you; even got hurt himself in the process.

He never intended for you to be hurt. Only now does he become aware of this. Sure, he never blindly assumed that Jimin wanted you to be attacked of course, but Taehyung has never imagined before that it must have been a cruel time for him as well. He can't imagine having to watch someone, especially someone he loves, being brutally hurt in front of him.

“That’s not your fault.“ Taehyung mutters, trying to sound as convincing as possible while he still tries to get rid of the awkwardness he feels around him. He does mean it, but he doesn’t want to sound like he’s just trying to show sympathy in pity.

“Look, I do believe you genuinely mean that, but just try to put yourself in my shoes for a second. Just imagine the person you love more than anything else in your life got hurt the way she did because of some embarrassingly idiotic idea you had.“ He looks at Taehyung and nods with a humorless grin when he sees the look on his face. “Exactly. You wouldn’t believe anyone who told you it wasn’t your fault either.“

Taehyung nods, clearing his throat after. “My opinion doesn’t matter anyway. ___ doesn’t blame you, so who cares?“

“I care. Because it’s my fault, and there’s nothing and no one that will ever make me think otherwise.“ He states. But his deep scowl vanishes soon after as it turns into an expression of pure sadness.

“It has only brought us even closer together, though.“ He proudly says. “We were sure that if we could get through this, we could get through anything.“ He pauses as he wipes at his eyes quickly before clearing his throat. “I can’t believe we came to this point. I would have never thought.“ He breathes, staring at the sky. “She can’t even look me in the eyes anymore. It’s like… I don’t even know. But it’s not like we spent the past ten years as a couple together.“

Having listened carefully to every single word Jimin just said, Taehyung fiddles with the seems of his sleeves. “Well, that's a shame but try to understand her a little. It's not like she can just forget what happened.“ Oof, he knows he's salty, but can you blame him? He can't just sit here and listen to him anymore when all he truly wants is for him to forget about you and leave again.

God, he knows that sounds awful, especially after everything he just learned about you and him, but this is sheer torture.

“Again. I made a mistake, Taehyung.“ This is probably the first time Jimin’s voice is anything but friendly while addressing him. And for a moment, they both glare at each other before Jimin sighs and looks away with a shake of his head.

“I know you don't have any ill intentions but do you think coming here against her will and backing her against a wall to try and make her come back to you was a fair decision?“ Taehyung snaps back.

“At least, I think that was necessary, yes.“ Jimin states, sounding absolutely confident about his decision.

“Well, I think you're selfish.“ Taehyung shrugs.

Gaping at him, Jimin scoffs. “Excuse me? Who do you think you are?“

“Who am I?“ Taehyung mocks, smirking right after. He has a lot to say. He wants to tell him about his relation to you, and he wants to tell him to fuck off and leave you alone but he doesn’t. It’s not his decision to make and he knows it. He won’t be like Jimin. He will respect your boundaries. “I’m her friend, and I deeply care about her.“

Jimin’s hardened gaze immediately softens at that. “And I’m grateful for that.“ He says. “But I love her. And I care about her too, believe it or not. That’s why I even told her about Minji in the first place for god’s sake! Nothing happened. But I was so confused about my feeling at that time, that I just couldn’t look her in the eyes at a certain point. It felt like I was cheating even if nothing physical ever happened.“

“You do know there is an actual term for that though, right? And some people would count emotional cheating as cheating too.“ Taehyung intervenes sharply.

Jimin lowers his head in shame at that particular word. He never wanted to be associated with it but he knows Taheyung speaks the truth. This is the reality of the situation. no matter how much he tries to sugarcoat it. “I know. And despite what you think of me, I don’t wanna play the victim here. I know what I did wrong, and I also know that it will take a lot for her to forgive me—“

“No, it won’t because she’s way too forgiving and you know that. But it will take her a lot to trust you again. And that’s what’s standing in between you two. It’s trust. She lost it. And that’s something that isn’t regained just by simply being able to forgive.“ Taehyung states, sounding somewhat frustrated himself.

Jimin has noticed from the beginning how invested Taehyung seems to be in this issue, and that it really seems to mean a lot to him that you're okay. It's endearing, and it's probably the only reason why he hasn't lashed out on him yet whenever he feels like he's going a little too far with his accusations against him. Taehyung was there for you when he wasn't and it means a lot to Jimin, knowing you weren't on your own and had people who helped you pick up the pieces he caused.

“What is left for me to do now?“ Jimin then asks with a deep sigh after he let Taehyung’s words sink in for a moment. It's hard for him to admit it, but Taehyung is right. Lack of trust is probably exactly what's stopping you from coming back to him. “The hope that the two of us would eventually get back together was the only thing that somehow kept me afloat. What am I supposed to do now? She doesn’t want me anymore.“

“She does, though.“ Taehyung hears himself say in an almost whisper but Jimin hears him loud and clear.

“What?" His head immediately snaps in Taehyung's direction as he stares at him. “Did she tell you that?“

The glint of hope in his eyes is sheer torture for Taehyung. He shouldn’t care about this guy's feelings especially given how he himself has feelings for you and the least he wants is for you to get back together with him but he also doesn’t want to lie and he doesn’t want to ruin anything for you if this is what you really want.

Defeatedly he nods, looking down at his hands that nervously fiddle with each other. “Yeah… She told me.“ His voice comes out as an almost whisper. He feels the huge lump of regret in his throat right after, though.

“Really?!“ Jimin screeches, almost falling off the wall in the process. “Wait— what did she say exactly?“

“Well, just that.“ Taehyung shrugs, not feeling like going into detail. “Just that she… loves you.“ he pauses, attempting to get rid of that bitter taste on his tongue as a result of bringing these words over his lips. “And that you’re a good guy or something like that. I don’t know.“ he then adds defeatedly.

"She said she loves me?" The look on Jimin's face when Taehyung simply nods at that is comparable to Hyejin's on Christmas morning. He looks like someone told him he won a billion dollars or something like that.

“That means there’s still a chance for me then…“ Jimin speaks to himself, completely forgetting about Taehyung’s existence for a moment when a sliver of hope sparks up inside of his chest. “Maybe it’s not all over just yet.“

Taehyung feels his chest tighten at that, wishing he just would’ve kept his mouth shut but, of course, he had to potentially ruin it for himself.

And now what? He can’t undo it. Now he has to wait and see what you're going to do about it.

As if something bit him, Jimin suddenly jumps off the brick wall. “I should go now. I was supposed to meet her half an hour ago.“

“And you kept her waiting for this long?“

“Ah, she's used to it. If I tell her I’ll be there at two she knows not to expect me until three. That’s the way we roll.“ Jimin jokes, cracking a smile that once again isn’t returned. He grabs his jacket, shrugging it on quickly before smiling at Taehyung. “Thank you, Taehyung. Talking to you was very helpful. I can’t thank you enough.“

Taehyung hurriedly gets up as well and reaches for his arm to keep him from leaving already. At this point, he’s just trying to win time without knowing what to say to him anymore. He doesn’t know what he should do but what’s even worse is, he doesn’t even know what he wants for himself.

Part of him knows letting him go to you and talk things out is inevitable and even necessary if he wants you to finally be able to completely finish with the whole thing, whereas another part of him desperately wants to keep Jimin as far away from you as possible, in fear you might choose him in the end. And he couldn’t even be mad at you. This guy is obviously utterly in love with you. He’s breaking apart and seeing him like that is hard even for Taehyung, so he can only imagine what it must be like for you. What if you’ll get back with him simply because seeing him like this makes you feel bad and lets old feelings bloom again?

Yes, that’s probably his biggest fear right now, and it’s not like it’s that far-fetched, is it?

You were so hurt because of him over such a long time and yet, you longed for him and wanted him back. You never made him the bad guy, defended him over and over again. You… loved him.

But is it really past tense, or do you maybe still love him but are simply too scared to fully engage in him again? If that’s the case, he can’t hold you back from being with the person you actually want to be with.

He would try if he had a clue that Jimin was just playing with you. That something like that will undoubtedly happen again, and that he will hurt you again without meaning to, but the thing is, even if he has his doubts as anyone would, Taehyung doesn't think that's going to happen. He believes Jimin when he says he won't hurt you ever again. Jimin lost you and had eight months to move on but couldn’t. He’s still hung up on you even to the extent that he blindly came to Seoul to look for you and get you back. After eight months! Would he really go to such lengths, say such things, and look so distressed if he wasn't one hundred percent serious about you?

Taehyung can only speculate, but for him, it looks like he has learned his lesson.

And you need to make your own decision too. If Jimin is the one you want, if he is the one who makes you happy and who you want to build a life with, then you should be able to do it without somebody else trying to get in-between that.

He should stay out of this.

Taehyung tries not to look too depressed when he calls Jimin's name to get his attention one last time.

“Just, please… Don’t ever hurt her again, alright? She deserves to be nothing but happy.“

Jimin stares at him for a while as he looks over his shoulder, not fully turning around due to the fact that he was on the run before Taehyung had called him back. His sudden request makes him halt, though.

Something about the way he said it, just… seems off. Of course, he’d want you to be happy, given that you seem to have become friends over the past eight months or something. But the tone in Taehyung’s voice, and the fact that he doesn’t dare to look him in the eyes and rather stares at the floor, seems odd for some reason. He can’t put his finger on it, though.

Arching one brow in confusion, Jimin decides to just brush it off. “Wouldn’t dream of it.“ He promises with a determined tone, waving at the slightly taller guy with an unsure smile on his lips before he finally turns back around and is on his way to you.

With his hands tucked inside the pockets of his pants, Taehyung clenches his teeth and glares ahead of him. It feels like he’s fighting every single bone in his body right now to not run after Jimin, tell him the truth, and beg for him to just leave instead — even if he knows it wouldn’t change a thing. Jimin won’t just give up on you like that.

To his luck, someone else joins him at that moment, helping him to suppress the urge to go after Jimin. The only problem is that it's Nari, of all people, who is probably the least qualified to give pep talks to people who need it.

“Well, who do we have here?“ Taehyung hears her voice ring out, and he internally groans already. Even if he does need to get his mind off things, Nari is not who he needs right now.

He turns around with an expression on his face that already tells her to fuck off but to his surprise, she doesn’t look flirty nor happy to see him. Instead, she’s standing there with her arms crossed in front of her chest, glaring at him. “You just have to be the biggest fucking idiot around here, don’t you?“ She then says, sighing right after with a disappointed shake of her head.

“Uhm, excuse me?“ Taehyung asks, taking her accusations to heart.

“Don’t act dumb, you little moron. I’m not stupid.“ She snaps.

Taehyung has no idea what she’s getting at and his face seems to tell, resulting in her sighing in annoyance while she rolls her eyes at him.

“You come here for the last couple of weeks in the best mood we’ve seen you in ever since we first met you, letting us assume that a girl may have an influence on that and now I come here, trying to get a little gossip and what do I hear?!“ She screeches, “You just told that guy to get himself your girl. What on earth is wrong with you?“

Stunned that he was apparently spied on and didn't even realize it, he gapes at her with his mouth wide open. “Why are you spying on me? And how do you get all this information by overhearing that single conversation? I didn’t even say anything about my feelings for her.“

“Oh please, Tae. I’m a model, not stupid. I'm beautiful and smart, I know you can't relate.“ She scoffs. “And I’d fight for the person that makes me happy which seems to be new territory for you as well.“

“I would fight for her, but there’s no use–“

“Spare me, I don't need to hear your lame excuses. Just say you’re too much of a coward to tell her and show her what she means to you.“ She interrupts him.

“I’m not! You know nothing about the actual situation, okay? He’s better for her. And she...“ He sighs once again, feeling sick already, “She loves him, she wants him. And she deserves to be with someone like him. They can start fresh and new, build their own family and just be happy. He won’t hurt her again—“

“Oh my god, can you please just shut your mouth, Tae? Sounds like you’re just looking for a way to justify your utter stupidity.“ She snaps with a deep scowl masking her face.

“You don’t have to be so mean. What the fuck…“ Taehyung mumbles a little taken aback. No need for her to be so brutally honest, jeez...

“See, that’s exactly the problem with guys like you.“ She clips.

“Guys like me?" He asks, waiting for her to elaborate.

“Yeah... the ones who think of themselves as chivalrous while you're actually just being stupid.“ She replies, not letting him say anything to that. “You think you know what's best for her and think you can make decisions for her, well guess what, that’s not your job! We’re not in the fucking sixteens’ century, Tae. Women choose their men these days. And we do know exactly what we want and what’s best for us. We don’t need you to tell us you're not good enough, we already know that, but that's just the general problem with men.“ She says, smacking his arm in the process, ignoring his little protest.

“Do you want the girl?“ She asks with a gentle voice after a moment of letting her words sink in.

Taehyung nods, looking at the floor with a pained frown. “Of course I do.“

“Then tell her that. Don’t send some other useless idiot to take her away.“ The way she looks at him now is new. He isn't used to her showing compassion, seeing how she usually enjoys the suffering of others. It's a nice change for once.

But still, it doesn't change anything. “Nari, you don’t understand. ___ will choose him anyway—“

“Yes, you just said it.“ She nods, resting her hands on her hips. “She will choose. You don’t get to make that decision for her. It is only up to her for whom she chooses and it’s either you or him. So tell me Tae, even if both of you were to make her equally as happy who do you think she will choose? The one who tries everything to get her back or the one who doesn’t show any interest and rather encourages somebody else to win her over?“ And after she dropped that little bomb of much necessary reality check on him, she simply turns back around, leaving Taehyung to stand there on his own in absolute misery.

She’s right. Now it looks like he doesn’t care enough about you to stand up against Jimin and try to be with you. Even if there’s a slight chance Jimin won’t tell you about the little conversation he just had with him, the sheer fact that there has been nothing but radio silence between you and him since yesterday evening must look like he doesn’t want to talk to you which actually couldn’t be farther from the truth.

It’s probably not necessary to mention that he already regrets his decision, however, it is too late to change anything now. Jimin is already on his way to you while he is stuck here and will probably not be able to leave anytime soon.

Unfortunately adding to that, Mr. Han is the next one who finds him, and even if he’s standing far away, his voice cannot be unheard from miles. “Taehyung! I see Jimin has left so why aren’t you working yet?! I'm not paying you to stare melancholically into nothingness.“

Cringing at the loud tone in his boss’s voice, he sighs. “God, I need to find a new job.“ Taehyung mumbles to himself before he grumpily starts strutting back to the set, he left a little while ago.

But no matter how hard he tries, Nari’s words won’t leave his head for good

tag list: @nandananda | @blackswan18 | @travelleratheart101 | @likeshatteredrainbowglass | @lilianm3 | @jenotation | @so-da-1 | @soeur-de-ame | @theclawofaraven

[beardedmrbean]

I’ve had depression and anxiety for a while but the pandemic, lock downs, and vaccine mandates had made it worse. I don’t even know how to tell my family and I’m afraid to try counseling because the counselor will probably just say I’m some right wing anti vaxxer or something.

Licensed counselor of any sort says something like that you should report them to the state board, empathy is something they need to practice regardless of what their personal beliefs about any of that stuff is.

Worst I would expect from them is trying to work you through whatever fears you might have in an attempt to change your mind, but if you're firm on it they should also respect that.

Might insist on masks and such, but that would be their rules and if you wanted the service you'd need to abide by that or find somewhere else to go.

This whole thing is just driving so many people batty on every corner of the political spectrum you're getting people that are just plain going overboard on everything.

Some of it was funny at the start, like this cafe in Germany

Carried on and it just got sad, on both sides with people overreacting to other people and we're all tire and many of us are incredibly short fused about everything.

It sucks

I will say the bonus of "Omicron" being as hypercontagious as it is, is that we're likely going to be running into a massive wall of natural immunity hitting soon, better than any vaccine would give (imho) since it's something that's going to act like what we've been calling vaccines forever is, it's a weaker form of the virus which should give people a few days of feeling icky and then boom immunity.

Problem being the folks with weak immune systems or just plain weak are still gonna have a rough time and it being hypercontagious isn't gonna help, but in the end it will likely speed the end of the general pandemic.

Coming back around, tell your family what you feel comfortable telling them.

Start out small

'this is really getting to me and I'm really worn down, I didn't start this out great and everything going on has amplified it'

Or something along those lines, whatever YOU are comfortable with, and try and gauge their reactions and go from there.

As to a counselor, if you go to one be honest with them if they're a professional their job is to help you and not to judge you. They may occasionally make you feel a bit uncomfortable but that's generally part of trying to get the healing process going.

They shouldn't pressure you and also should be unconcerned about your political leanings on a professional level, so long as they don't think you're a danger to yourself or others they're going to help you to get things sorted out.

To the best of their ability.

Remember also if you're thinking there's a possibility of getting medicated and that's a path you might want to take not all counselor types can prescribe medication so if it gets to it and they can't they may set you up for an evaluation with someone who can, so be prepared for that possibility too.

In the interim, I'd suggest spending some time looking at pictures and videos of your favourite animals and finding the silliest ones you can, laughter is a good salve, but it's also important to find someone you can talk to that can help you sort out things.

I truly hope you can locate someone to talk through things with, get some help with all of this, way too many people going down a dark path currently be good to have a few less.

Then who knows maybe you can help someone else that's falling later on down the line with what you learned healing.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: [okay but what if we're really rude and say that he's getting up to leave/get ready to go to work etc whatever but she wakes up because neither of them are good sleepers so makes sense to me even if it's early] Jimmy: [awkwardly both getting ready cos she's got dogs to walk including his] Janis: [that makes sense to me too, fun times lol] Jimmy: [at least they've got the excuse of not wanting to wake mcvickers up for keeping this bit silent af] Janis: [and at least neither of you takes a million years to get ready either] Jimmy: [casual speed run lol because he can't get ready properly til he gets to his house if it's for work because didn't get chucked out in his uniform, when you've gotta come with him gal cos nobody will be up at his either so that'll be an awkward short walk] Janis: [when you aren't saying shit 'cos no way to gauge how much he remembers here remotely] Jimmy: [and he's not either because 1. rarely does 2. would remember being kicked out and then rescued but unlikely he'll remember exactly what he said or did and can't exactly re-read the convo in front of her in case he dies] Janis: [the only saving grace is you're both used to silences but this beats the usual in awkwardness so not really] Jimmy: [thank god when they get to his Twix will be extra af so he can just be like' tah' which we know is not at all a casual thank you and run inside like gotta go get ready BYE] Janis: [run off with that dog gal] Jimmy: [later so he's had to chance to take a break at a time when somewhere that cuts keys would be open and get a load more spares done] Jimmy: 🔑✔ Jimmy: no need to nick yours off you again Janis: 👍 Janis: glad to hear it Jimmy: I get it, saving lads from 💀💀💀 ain't what you're after Jimmy: must've been 💔 Janis: It was no big Janis: Bill might be 💔 though Janis: not really Juliet's role Jimmy: I'd say he'll live but bit late and rude Janis: 👻bants Jimmy: ain't your role now any road, he'll have to haunt some other lass Janis: now that's 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: something like that Jimmy: if you miss him that bad, chuck the script out and make yourself Romeo Jimmy: I'll be the lass who don't get a face or owt to say Janis: makes more sense 😎🤐 Janis: some edgy teen drama been there, done the rewrite though, I'm good Jimmy: I get it, you reckon the gay rumours might resurface Janis: no doubt Jimmy: the 👻 bants ain't worth it Bill mate Janis: bit rude Jimmy: I'll keep it 😎🤐 then soz Janis: unless you're changing your role too Jimmy: don't have the range, my dear Janis: there's your answer then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: the dog is more wound up than usual today Jimmy: last night were a bit Jimmy: didn't get kicked out for nowt Janis: yeah Janis: just letting you know Janis: take it for a longer walk, try to wear it out Jimmy: Alright Janis: Will he let you back in tonight Janis: or are you gonna have to wait Jimmy: can let myself in 🔑s 'll do that, like Janis: obviously Janis: but are you gonna need to avoid him 'til he's asleep or what, is what I was saying Jimmy: whatever I need to do is nowt for you to worry about Janis: alright Jimmy: I meant what I said, no need to 📞 you or an SOS or owt Jimmy: 🦇 about without looking for a signal Janis: I know Janis: was just asking Jimmy: if I said owt about him when I were being a drunken dickhead, it'll have just been bollocks Janis: you've said he's a twat plenty of times Janis: and I have met him so Jimmy: yeah Janis: you didn't say anything Janis: don't worry Jimmy: 👌 Janis: later then Jimmy: I just Jimmy: didn't mean for nowt like that to happen Janis: 'course you didn't Janis: I'm not that dick though Janis: what, like I'll hold it against you Janis: if you want to forget about it, then do, I'm fine with that Jimmy: I'm not calling you a massive dickhead, I'm saying I feel like one Janis: you don't need to Janis: your family shit ain't my business but it ain't your fault Janis: or if it was, whatever, yeah Jimmy: I don't just mean that though Jimmy: how we left things an' all Jimmy: all that bollocks before Janis: well Janis: I fucked it up so Jimmy: I did my bit Janis: if you really want that credit Jimmy: 🏆's a 🏆 babe Janis: only when you don't give it yourself, allegedly Jimmy: Oi, don't be quoting my rules back to me Janis: one for you and one for everyone else, is it Jimmy: I know what I said, weren't pissed then an' all Janis: I'm glad you don't have a #problem Jimmy: might do now I'm SO 💔🎻😭 after having lost my Juliet Jimmy: if I'm gonna have to put the 💀💀💀 work in myself, it'll do Janis: drove you to drink is usually reserved for marriage and didn't actually fake propose so that's on you Jimmy: the 🍷🦷 will put off 💀👑 and the rest of the lasses about but whoever Ian's with will be well up for it so that's his life ruined and job done Jimmy: can't help that the flatcap fits, girl Janis: if you're gonna kill yourself with booze, I'd pick something that tastes better than wine Janis: but I get it, you wanna be like Lucas in all the ways Jimmy: point's to be 💀💀💀 not have a laugh but alright Jimmy: I'll lure him in an' all while I'm about it Jimmy: not one to rest on my bloody laurels, me Janis: have your 🏆 Jimmy: fill it with 🍷🥳⚰ Janis: am I allowed to go your funeral or what Jimmy: why wouldn't you? Janis: people get weird 'round funerals Janis: Shaz might ban me Jimmy: far as people know we're still 💕's young dream so she'd have a job to have a go Jimmy: Bill is gonna be chuffed to bits by the attempt Janis: not if you steal her Janis: loudly declaring her undying 💕 over your corpse Jimmy: weren't planning to go that far, but Ian would be chuffed to bits himself by that so tah for the 🥇💡 Janis: why half-arse the job Jimmy: I said I don't have the range Janis: like you don't just have to lie there Janis: x2 Jimmy: fake dating you ain't prepared me to pretend I'm eager to crack onto other Sharon Jimmy: who's fault's that? Janis: suppose that's a compliment Janis: backwards one but I'll take it Jimmy: didn't reckon you'd fancy one the right way round Janis: yeah right Jimmy: right 'cause you said you can't hack it Jimmy: remember that bit, me Janis: that's convenient Janis: can all be selective with our memories, boy Jimmy: meaning what? Janis: picking and choosing what bits you want and chucking 'em at me is very Catholic school of you Jimmy: it were you who said it, so if you're trying to say either of us said or did something I need to remember after I chucked a load of 🥃 down my throat, go on Janis: I'm not Janis: you passed out like immediately Jimmy: 👍 Janis: did you think something happened? Jimmy: how would I know? Janis: 'cos you chucked a load of 🥃 down your throat so why would it Janis: for fuck's sake Jimmy: I don't mean you might've done owt, dickhead, just me Janis: not that desperate that I'd hold you to it Janis: but you didn't Jimmy: just desperate enough to have a one track 🧠 Janis: shut up Jimmy: I never said it had to be something like that Janis: what else would you mean Janis: were at my grandparents house, you'd know if you'd vommed or otherwise been a twat Jimmy: loads else I could say or do, isn't there? Janis: me and my one-track mind would have no idea Janis: what are you 😱 you said? Jimmy: yeah 'cause I'm gonna tell you now if I didn't then Jimmy: nice try, dickhead Janis: 🙄 Janis: you expect me to sit here and tell you everything you said Janis: didn't commit it to my memory, even if I weren't pissed Jimmy: no, just tell me what happens next Janis: 📖🖋 Janis: never my job that bit Jimmy: we're both off the clock last I heard Jimmy: we left it like we were never gonna have a word to each other again, then what you stop me 🥶 to 💀💀💀 and it's back to nowt? Janis: I don't know Janis: you don't owe me nothing, if that's what you're getting at Janis: probably wouldn't let many die just 'cos, believe it or not Jimmy: piss off, you know it weren't what I were getting at Janis: alright Janis: but I still don't know Janis: what do you want to do Jimmy: what makes you reckon I know owt if you don't? Janis: even if I say I overreacted Janis: not taking back that there was a vibe Janis: that was hard to ignore Jimmy: I'm not calling it a vibe but alright Janis: you think of a bloody word for it then Janis: it's wanky but it's a useful replacement for when you can't even, babes Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: so helpful Jimmy: I never said I didn't wanna kiss you an' all Janis: you didn't though Jimmy: it weren't as simple as all that Jimmy: and alright, I might have overreacted myself Janis: I get it Jimmy: can't we just Jimmy: go back to how it were Janis: when Janis: like, what part Jimmy: before you pissed off and I were a massive 😭 twat about it Janis: I can't promise I won't need to go again Janis: but I'll try to give you more warning Jimmy: like you said, family shit ain't my business or your fault, Jules Janis: got the role back then? Jimmy: do you want it back? Janis: may as well Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: 🏆 for enthusiasm an' all Janis: what do you want me to say Janis: you're not in a ⚰ I'm not being dramatic about it Jimmy: you saving it for the eulogy or the murder?m Janis: everyone knows murderers love a dramatic monologue so you've got time to escape Janis: enjoy that Jimmy: don't wanna escape 💕 Janis: n'awh Janis: just me, that Jimmy: if you don't wanna 💀💀💀 put the 🔪 down, mate, ain't me holding it Janis: truce, I heard you Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: alright, no funny business Janis: not an animal Jimmy: 🤏🦇🩸 Janis: part-time Janis: and can clearly control my bloodlust Jimmy: 💔 gutted Janis: give me time to prepare my speech, dickhead Janis: got a life, you know Jimmy: I've said it before, them 🐕 ain't taking themselves for a piss Jimmy: be why you were in such a rush to leg it a bit ago, nowt to do with me or your self control Janis: oh yeah, 'cos you were begging me to come in Jimmy: didn't hear nowt from you volunteering to @ my manager about why I were late if I had asked you in Janis: I'll @ him any time you like 😍 Jimmy: you and your 👻 kink Janis: love unavailability Jimmy: it's 'cause you've got no self control, that Janis: I clearly do Janis: you left that bed thoroughly unmolested so Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 😏 Janis: such a twat Jimmy: 😘 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: What are we doing in a bit then? Janis: what are WE doing or what are 'the couple' doing? Jimmy: up to you, that Janis: well, I know that lot are having a sleepover Janis: we could crash that, be funny Janis: but we can bail and do whatever after Jimmy: alright Jimmy: long as you keep the pjs on, been ages since they've had a proper outing Janis: just for you, like Jimmy: for 💀👑 an' all, she'll be fuming Janis: rude Janis: it is the dresscode Jimmy: 💔 I don't have a lace nightie or owt to chuck on and show her up Jimmy: go shopping for us, tah very much Janis: that's not fair Janis: how am I meant to control myself then, like Jimmy: if you're not up to the challenge, I'll dress down Janis: hate to dull your ✨ Janis: black for preference, no need to tell me Jimmy: 🖤 Janis: Sharon really hasn't left one at yours? Jimmy: if you wanna go looking for it, you crack on Jimmy: don't fancy it myself Janis: don't snoop through my client's houses, tah Janis: got a reputation to uphold Jimmy: Oi, don't client zone me Janis: well, you're the client's owner, if you really wanna 💔 Jimmy: some truce that were, lasted about as long as your self control Janis: what kind of mates don't have top quality #bants Jimmy: 💀👑 and hers Jimmy: so we'll have to calm it down in a bit Janis: then we won't be mates Janis: love's young dream Jimmy: we'll be both, just that #goals, us Janis: duh Janis: doesn't even make me a bit 🤢🤢🤮 Jimmy: good 'cause I ain't got time for a 🤢🤢🤮 break if you set me off Jimmy: and I don't reckon one of the cups'll hold it Janis: 😂 you're so dramatic Janis: make it a venti Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: I'm actually alright, tah for asking Janis: you're hungover, that's definitely your fault Jimmy: nah, I don't have one 💪🏆🥇 me Janis: I do not believe that even a bit Jimmy: it'll be your top quality nursing that did it Jimmy: or how you reckoned I passed out soon as Janis: don't reckon being able to make a cuppa qualifies me but I'll take it Jimmy: did you? 😍 works as a northern marriage proposal, that Janis: you were 🥶 and I know how you like it Jimmy: IOU ☕🍪🍪 Janis: TWO biscuits? Janis: who needs 💍 Jimmy: I'll chuck you a whole pack for the honeymoon Janis: that's indecent Janis: stop 🙈 Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: 😏 Janis: better Jimmy: nah, but there's a time and a place for 🔊 Janis: 💡 Jimmy: ? Janis: later Janis: is a time and a place for 🔊 Jimmy: goes without saying, owt we can do to 🔇 💀👑 Janis: won't take much Janis: try to avoid being at home, especially when they're all about Janis: but it is worth it to show my face just to see hers sometimes Jimmy: black lace number, I heard Jimmy: I'll bring her a ☕ over, have a think how you wanna ☠ it Janis: laced in lace sounds like a 🔥 summer read Jimmy: hang on, I'll grab a 🖋 loads of napkins about Janis: very fitting Janis: 🎨💭 Jimmy: [sends her a pic of whatever Jackie Collins esque nonsense he's written on a napkin once he has because he's a nerd] Janis: 😂 Janis: the 👵 that finds that will be way too thrilled Jimmy: long as she 💀💀💀 off the premises Jimmy: might not be hungover but I still don't fancy the clean up Janis: 💦💦 Jimmy: STOP Janis: soz Janis: that 🧠 strikes again Jimmy: such a way with emojis, you Janis: don't get too excited on the 🕤 like Jimmy: 📵 'll be your fault when 👻 manager floats in and kicks off Janis: who is working today Jimmy: now who's getting excited? Janis: I'm just making conversation Janis: so rude Jimmy: rude of you to use me to find out who you wouldn't be able to 📞🍑 once there's a phone ban Jimmy: sort yourself and your one track 🧠 out, Judith Janis: you're easily distracted Janis: not my fault Jimmy: piss off am I Jimmy: dead focused Janis: on your 🎨 Janis: maybe Janis: ☕ orders, nah Jimmy: sounds like a review the CG has had Jimmy: 😱😱😱 were you @notallkarens543??!!!!!!!! Janis: my real name Janis: you've been well off Janis: maybe if you paid more attention... 💅 Jimmy: if that's been a wig this whole time and it's stayed on, there's a shit load of lasses who need another Q&A Jimmy: and the talk to the manager hair reveal, obvs Janis: if ONLY your manager would talk to me Janis: all natural, babe 💔 Jimmy: I called your tan were fake, can't do it all Janis: not a casual bit of blackfishing Janis: be counterproductive out in the country really Jimmy: depends, might get a 💀💀💀 spot with a lovely view Jimmy: 🌳🌼🌻🐄🐑💩 Janis: from the top of the 🌳 Janis: beautiful Jimmy: the 📷 will TOTALLY be ones for the feed Jimmy: tah for the 🎨 you were a 🥇 til the end Jimmy: *muse Janis: you could pretend to mourn, bitch Jimmy: I'll be doing my 😭😭😭 at your ⚰ Janis: you can't even give me a little 😥 now? Jimmy: I could do Janis: you lied about not having the range Jimmy: I don't need it with you Jimmy: going for 🏆🥇 not oscars Janis: you got your 🏆 Janis: keep it up for the 🥇 like Jimmy: [sends her a 😟 selfie cos can't 😥 rn obviously but there you go gal] Janis: give the 🐶🥺 a run for their money Janis: don't reckon I like that Jimmy: [writes her an OTT iconic eulogy like maybe you'll like that better] Janis: okay 💀💀💀 me Jimmy: weren't the plan but alright Jimmy: 🔪💕😘 Janis: put the 🥇 in my will Jimmy: don't reckon I can accessorise any more as a 👻 already got the 😎🚬 Jimmy: and the ⛓ Bill's fuming I've gone a bit Dickens but a kink's a kink Janis: what do you want then, 👻boy? Jimmy: what kind of question's that? Janis: a valid one Janis: you said you were going for 🏆🥇 Janis: now you've changed your mind Jimmy: I want nowt but your eternal 💕 DUH Jimmy: there's the 🏆🥇 answer Janis: I'm dead so that'll be easy Janis: what's the real answer then Jimmy: what do I want when you die? Janis: yeah Jimmy: be dead an' all, won't I? Janis: guess so Janis: if we're sticking to script Jimmy: don't you want to? Janis: can work with that Janis: when you're born with another person, get used to sharing Jimmy: weren't what I asked Jimmy: I said what do you want Janis: I just wanna Jimmy: what? Janis: see you again Janis: and it be alright Jimmy: come here then Jimmy: I will be for fucking ages Janis: are you sure Jimmy: unless you wanna give the 👮🚔 a bell and dob my manager in for giving me more hours than he's legally meant to Jimmy: then I'll come to you, like Janis: 'how do I know? well I stalk his schedule soooo' Janis: tell 'em I'm 💀👑 Janis: 2 🐦 1 ☄️ Jimmy: put a silver 🥄 in your mouth, that'll sort the accent and attitude right out Janis: have to swing by to get one Jimmy: is the sleepover at her house or what? Janis: ours, unfortunately Jimmy: middle of nowt so no dickheads can hear them 😱😱😱 I get it Janis: it's probably some weird punishment thing for Gracie but their kinks ain't no interest of mine Jimmy: very Catholic school of 💀👑 we're full ⚫️ here OMG Janis: if you need to put your phone away, you can just say 👋 Jimmy: if you want me to 🤐 you can just say 🖕 Janis: 😏 Janis: I would Jimmy: go on Janis: I don't Jimmy: alright Janis: I'm gonna come in for my lunch Janis: in a bit Jimmy: I'll make you something that's not 🤢 Janis: very thoughtful 💘 Jimmy: just don't wanna have to clean up after you if you 🤮 Jimmy: well selfish, me Janis: alright Janis: you hate me, no need to drive the point home with 🤮 Jimmy: I don't Janis: ambivalent then Janis: even ruder Jimmy: it's all about the tip jar, girl, you've been told before now Janis: @notallkarens543 only gives tips in the form of advice, hun Jimmy: steady on, you ain't tasted nowt yet Janis: filth, you are Jimmy: you wish, hun Janis: 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻 I'll crank up Classic FM for you, babes Janis: depends who else is on shift Jimmy: I get it, that's why you're coming in, no need to pretend you're starving Janis: you could've just told me, awkward Janis: now I have to 👀 for myself Jimmy: you ain't told me who you wanna 👀 Jimmy: bit rude to expect me to 🧠📖 Janis: maybe it's who I don't wanna 👀 Janis: not the only one getting shit reviews Jimmy: I know for a fact the manager reckons you're 🥇 Janis: yeah right Janis: he only communicates in knocks and passive-aggressive emails Jimmy: and he said he hopes each email finds you well Jimmy: fuck's sake, what more do you want, bighead? Janis: for him to personally make me a latte, DUH Jimmy: drink it and I'm haunting a different lass Janis: 😏 Janis: I'd sooner die Jimmy: not letting him do them honours either, soz Janis: you jealous? Jimmy: that what you're after? Janis: nah Jimmy: just the latte then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: just be stupid if you were Jimmy: and what, I never do owt stupid? Janis: nah Jimmy: I'd sooner die than be that 🤓 mate Janis: good thing you're client-zoned Jimmy: is it? Janis: be rude of you to die before you make my lunch, so yes Jimmy: oi Janis: what? 😇 Jimmy: 1. don't be spreading lies about my image 2. or yours  3. could be 💀💀💀 and still make you a 🥇 lunch Janis: 1. everyone knows you're 🥇 barista boy 2. do you really need me to tweet it too? Jimmy: not my job to tell you how to be 😇 Janis: we don't want to lay it on too thick Janis: the sleepover posts will be A LOT Jimmy: good shout, she will have us trapped once the 🚍 stop Janis: we'll leave before the communal 🤮 sesh Janis: I got you Jimmy: tah Janis: what do you actually want to do after Jimmy: what do you wanna do? Jimmy: I ruined whatever plans you had last night before coming to my rescue Janis: yeah, my social calendar is crazy, as you well know Jimmy: I know you don't sleep 🧛 girl so my pisshead 😴 must've done your head in Janis: I got a bit Janis: you were almost cute Jimmy: shut up Janis: I'm being nice Jimmy: what for? Janis: 'cos you hate it, obvs Jimmy: answer my other question then Janis: what do I wanna do? Janis: I don't care Jimmy: so helpful, you Janis: I just wanna hang out with you, alright Janis: we'll think of something Jimmy: 🐄 tipping Janis: 😂 Janis: okay Jimmy: dunno what else you'd do in the country Janis: plenty of shit Janis: there's no fucker about, like you said Jimmy: go on Janis: we've got a barn, with loads of shit in Janis: or there's plenty of other places I know to explore Jimmy: we'll have to fight the tall one for it, sounds like a prime tik tok location tbh Janis: I don't fancy your chances Janis: let me handle it Jimmy: you 🥊🦘 and I'll 👀🍿 Janis: long as you don't enjoy it too much Jimmy: only your win, babe Jimmy: that's the kind of fake boyfriend I am Janis: very #goals Janis: me, obvs 💪 Jimmy: yeah, very 💪🥇🏆 you Janis: say it like you mean it Jimmy: [a voice memo because when does he ever do any work when he could be flirting with the bae] Janis: more like it Janis: [👍 selfie] Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: idiot Jimmy: take the compliment, dickhead Janis: give us a real one and I'll really try Jimmy: not about to piss off into the middle of nowt with anyone else, don't get nowt realer than that Jimmy: as compliments go Janis: alright Janis: fair enough Janis: won't let you get murdered Jimmy: crack on with that and I'll tell you how fit and mysterious you are Janis: you worked out what I really want Jimmy: nah, I just like saying it Jimmy: selfish, remember Janis: I'm alright with that Jimmy: I might let you get a word in if there's owt you wanna say an' all Janis: maybe Janis: I'll have a 💭 Jimmy: might let you get a 💭 in Janis: bold to say I won't be able to use my 🧠 around you Janis: it's very focused Jimmy: on the one track, I heard Janis: you can get on it Janis: not gonna tie you to it though, like Jimmy: 🚫⛓? Count me out, Janet Janis: fine Janis: bring your cuffs, pig Jimmy: Alright, stop begging Janis: how am I gonna be the one begging Jimmy: please'll be one of the words I let you get in, that'll be how Janis: do you want me to beg or not, you're confusing me Jimmy: depends Janis: on? Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: what are you begging for? Janis: guess we'll see Jimmy: yeah Janis: doubt I'll be begging for whatever food you rustle up, however hard you brag Jimmy: only so much I can do, even going off menu Janis: don't talk it down now Janis: well excited Jimmy: not gonna lie to you, not that dickhead Janis: it's just exaggerating and all lads do it Jimmy: lads who need to Jimmy: don't be #ithappenstoeveryone @ me Janis: 😏🤐 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I ain't gonna bullshit either Janis: so can't say that about you, like Jimmy: even though I'm client zoned? 💕 Janis: yeah Janis: though not handing out top reviews so you can convince other bitches, obvs Jimmy: you're alright, I'll leave 'em to you Janis: piss off Janis: I'm avoiding the gay rumours resurfacing, that's the only reason we're mates again Jimmy: 🐕🏃 were all I meant, calm yourself Janis: hmm Janis: you not gonna open your own rival business then? Jimmy: that one track 🧠's a bit suspicious Jimmy: and if I bother, you said I could do Janis: you're just a well-known dickhead Janis: yeah, you can, why I was asking Jimmy: this well known dickhead has got a fair bit on so I dunno Jimmy: might give it a go when your other 👻 bf sacks me Janis: yeah, I dunno when you'd sleep Jimmy: whenever I next chuck 🥃 down my throat, probably Jimmy: do my best to avoid giving you a 📞 though Janis: now you have a key, can put yourself to bed Janis: bit rude to only 📞 when there's none left in the bottle Jimmy: I'll bring you what's left of Ian's stash, can't be going to the sleepover in my uniform Jimmy: 💀👑 would lose herself Janis: true Janis: already gonna be the height of hysteria as there are no males in my house Janis: not even the gay brother Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: is your fit mum at least gonna be there? Janis: I don't know Janis: she's probably going to be out getting over Ian not wanting to date her Jimmy: 🍻 Jimmy: he's nowt if not a bloody catch, him Janis: I know Janis: absolutely devastated Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: alright for you, stuck with the delight that is by 🩸 Jimmy: any time you wanna be stuck with him by 👰💍🤵 Jimmy: have a crack at either of us Janis: tah Janis: won't go for the little one, not that weird Jimmy: he does like you, mate, but a good shout to assume not like that Janis: yeah, and he's cute, but not like that Janis: more the little fucker they make carry the rings Jimmy: he'd do a top speech an' all Janis: get to slag off all the guests Janis: and me if I don't learn fast enough Jimmy: give you another lesson in a bit, we can slag off the sleepover guests all you like then Janis: good idea Janis: need something to do whilst they're planning the fake wedding Jimmy: and something to do with your hands, that 🧠 being how it is Jimmy: I get it Janis: and you've done nothing to make it worse, of course Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: dunno what you've heard Janis: it's what you wanna hear Jimmy: dunno what you mean by that Jimmy: just a poor lad cracking on with his latte 🎨 finding #inspo round and about Janis: 👌 Janis: inspirational Jimmy: you are Janis: smooth 💘 Jimmy: you're not wrong but neither am I Janis: you reckon your manager would let me have a go with the latte 🎨> Janis: ?* Jimmy: if he says no, I'll let you when he ain't about Janis: 🙌 Janis: buzzin' for that Jimmy: what you gonna ✏️? Janis: I know how to do ☘ with Guinness taps Janis: so, gonna apply that knowledge and give it a go Jimmy: fuck 🤓 flirting we've progressed to full paddy 💕😘 Janis: I know, well impressive Janis: perks of grandpa having a pub Janis: 🎱🎯🍻 Jimmy: I were gonna give you a compliment then but you can't be that talented if you've never taken me to have a go Janis: 1. he could long since be dead and the pub gone 2. we've been to a pub together 3. no excuses left now, like Jimmy: 1. 👻🎱🎯🍻 2. that quiz bollocks were together not vs Janis: 1. insensitive prick 2. alright that's what we'll do then, when we're not 🛌 Jimmy: 1. mine are and you don't see me 😭 and won't til I call into work for a fake ⚰ 2. alright then, let my 💅 dry and we'll be off Janis: 1. how old did they make they can't have been that old unless Ian looks GREAT for it, which, duh, believable 2. 🙌 Jimmy: he's outlived his, my mum's kept going til it were a bit more recent Jimmy: 🌧😒 Janis: Northern, I remember Jimmy: the accent's a giveaway and you did hear it a bit ago so Janis: thought it was a speech impediment Jimmy: my genetics are a shit show, I get why you'd reckon that Janis: know the feeling Jimmy: but any other dickhead asks and it were the 🚬🥃 that did it, be the 😎 answer Janis: got it Janis: if anyone asks I think it's well 🤤😍 anyway Jimmy: I'll stick it in the next Q&A Jimmy: 🤞 no dickhead'll know it were me 🗨 Janis: you'll be well too extra, bighead Jimmy: you do it then Janis: Easy Jimmy: weren't offering a 🏆 for the 💌🖋 don't worry Janis: why would I do it then 🥺🥺🥺 Jimmy: for the 💕 baby Janis: sounds like a bad deal Jimmy: UGH fine, you can have a 🏆 if you sound enough like you don't have a 🧠 how the rest of our fans do Janis: I'll get the ice pick Jimmy: hot Janis: it is 💕 after all Jimmy: do it properly and the manager'll let you have a crack at all the latte 🎨 you want Janis: send nudes Janis: understood Jimmy: #whenbrainscansarethenewnudes Janis: don't really fancy @ing the CG public twitter but Janis: just trying to pimp me out since day 1 Jimmy: it ain't my fault you'd rather we were rivals than working together as a 🥇 team Janis: you are such a bullshitter Janis: you wanna compete just as much 🎱🎯🍻 Janis: unless you're chatting threesome in which case, so up for that 🥇 performance Jimmy: different to ☕🎨💰 or 🐕🏃 that Jimmy: but I'll chat threesome when you give me someone #goals enough to 🗨 about Janis: 1. I'd never get a job at CG 2. if you wanna give me a cut, you can use my ads and customer base Janis: very rude you don't think Colin is #goals but alright Jimmy: 1. I gave you the in, get that lobotomy booked and you're well away 2. I get it, you just don't wanna share tips with someone more fit and mysterious than you Janis: 1. also need to book in for the tattoos and piercings and I don't have the time 2. wrong on both counts Jimmy: stop pissing about, you've already got more than the one I've got Janis: yeah but you've got the general 😎 and shit taste in music required Jimmy: you're right, you're too 😤 for customer service, forget I said owt Janis: I told you that before Janis: don't be a dick Jimmy: I was focusing on your looks instead of how much of a dickhead you are til you reminded us Janis: as if I'd wanna spend that much time around you Jimmy: said as much myself ages ago up there, don't wanna play nice, you Janis: there's nice then there's that Jimmy: that's what the 🚫🧠 suggestion were for Jimmy: gotta be thick to work here Janis: or desperate Janis: and I've got other avenues to go down 'fore I need to hand in my CV Jimmy: tah for rubbing it in Janis: you could work at a better cafe Janis: sure they aren't all hubs of 💀👑 Jimmy: if that weren't bollocks I would be Janis: set your sights lower Janis: the greasier the better Janis: if they can't take a decent insta, you know they aren't coming in Jimmy: then my wage'll be lower an' all, not that thick, like Janis: price you pay then Jimmy: weren't whinging, that were you Janis: I've got nothing to whinge about, thanks Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: you could always go work with gracie Jimmy: don't need to be giving Sharon or Ian any ideas about how good I am at raising kids Janis: meant in the shop Jimmy: I don't reckon 😎🚬 is what they're after if they've got your sister on staff Jimmy: what's she got 2 jobs for if she's 💀👑 charity case? Janis: not gonna lend her a whole wardrobe Jimmy: what kind of fake BFF Jimmy: you've got half of mine already Janis: likewise, don't reckon a few hoodies is what she's after Jimmy: 💔 Janis: yeah, so sad for her Janis: tragic when you can't afford all the lipgloss you need Jimmy: yeah, had my 😭 about using the last of my lipgloss a bit ago Jimmy: gonna look a right twat at this sleepover now Janis: don't 🙄 Janis: even they've got enough 🧠 between 'em to work out what sharing can mean 💋 Jimmy: chuffed to bits that my makeover's still on then 💅💄💋 Janis: you are disgusting Jimmy: 😏 Janis: make your face get stuck like that Jimmy: as threats go, reckon you could do better Janis: I don't feel like it Jimmy: dry your eyes mate, the lipgloss #drama has been sorted Janis: if you reckon it's gonna be some b-list softcore porn scenario, you can go by yourself Jimmy: you're alright, I don't need french tips that bad Janis: don't you Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: hands of an artist, me Janis: sure Jimmy: nowt you don't already know Janis: how you bend at the wrist? Janis: yeah, I remember Jimmy: I'll get the 🏆 off my dad for that one, save you the arts and crafts Janis: alright, my bad Jimmy: put the ✨ away for a bit Janis: shh Janis: you wound me up Jimmy: like I said always 😤 you Janis: no need to bang on about it Jimmy: don't sound like me at all, that Janis: maybe not in public Jimmy: so what, the payback for doing your head in is to try and make me 😳 in public? Janis: you wish Janis: not me talking about what could happen at this sleepover Jimmy: you wish you'd be able to raise to the challenge, more like Jimmy: loads of 👵 have tried before now Janis: Please Janis: nothing challenging about it Jimmy: go on then Janis: Why should I? Jimmy: I said there's no point bothering, nerves of steel, me Janis: 'course Janis: last time I came in, that was all just acting Janis: totally in control, you Jimmy: I weren't sacked, if I had no self control, I would've been Janis: I didn't say you had none Janis: just not as much as you wanna fake Jimmy: why would I wanna fake that? more #goals to lose it all around you Janis: exactly my point Janis: that wasn't fake Jimmy: never said it were Janis: you definitely did Janis: it was for their benefit, not ours Jimmy: theirs and ours, that'd be more how I remember it Janis: think about it much, do you Jimmy: don't you? Janis: of course I do Jimmy: I've missed you Janis: I missed you Janis: I just like being with you Jimmy: I dunno if I said it last night or what but I like being with you an' all Jimmy: not just 'cause everything's shit and would be shitter if you weren't my fake missus though Janis: I don't want you to be worrying about what you did or didn't say last night Janis: I'll tell you everything I remember if it makes you feel better but like I said, not putting it in my back pocket for later or anything equally fucked Jimmy: I get that you're not like that, I'm just Jimmy: I dunno Janis: what? Jimmy: I'm not used to it Janis: I know I'm a natural nurse but, me neither, like Jimmy: and not to bang on about it 'cause I'd hate to wind you up with that an' all obvs, but I still don't wanna fuck this up Janis: yeah Janis: I don't want to either Janis: if you want me to get wasted and tell you things I won't remember in the morning then I can Jimmy: you already did do Jimmy: I were worried you were gonna fuck up your other ankle how you were going when I picked you up from that party Janis: see, we're even then Janis: I made an idiot out of myself first Jimmy: you didn't Jimmy: all that bollocks were mutual, us trying to take the piss out of each other Janis: I was angry Janis: as per Janis: I didn't want it to be over Jimmy: It's alright, I were 😭 as per Jimmy: and it's not over Janis: it's not Jimmy: we're gonna need a drink tonight but no need for either of us to be the ones acting like bellends with that lot about Janis: not one I'm gonna insist on competiting in Janis: I wanna remember, being with you, anyway, they don't need to register Jimmy: no competition for owt between you and them Janis: I'll fight for your attention if I have to but I can't promise I'll be happy about it Jimmy: you don't have to Janis: good Janis: you've got mine Jimmy: if you wanna fight any of my customers, manager or co-workers for the rest of what I can't give you, I won't stop you Jimmy: this shift is doing my head in Janis: can you take 10 when I come for lunch? Jimmy: take more than a 👻🥊 to stop me Janis: good Janis: I'll cheer you up Jimmy: I won't 🌧 on you unless you want me to, Jules Jimmy: be more than a bit rude when you're looking like that Janis: see how the mood takes you Janis: not saying you can do what you like to me but Jimmy: I'll say it first then, you can do what you like to me Janis: You know it's not all I care about actually, don't you Jimmy: I were just fuming when I said that Janis: I know but Janis: as long as you do too Jimmy: not as thick I look 🤞 Jimmy: last night, that's not nowt to me, and it weren't the first time you've bothered either Janis: I like you an' all Janis: as well as wanting you, both can be true, yeah Jimmy: why not? I am that likeable and that fit and mysterious Janis: when you put it like that Janis: makes me wanna change my mind but Jimmy: gutted it's only got the one track to go down Janis: I reckon I can handle it Jimmy: me an' all Janis: glad to hear it Janis: be awkward if not, on my way now Jimmy: can't have that Jimmy: you said you didn't want it to be awkward Janis: you too Jimmy: I'd have it be awkward if that were the only way I were gonna see you but Janis: that's why it was Janis: before Jimmy: I were a massive dickhead before, I'll try and leave it out Jimmy: for a bit Janis: makes two of us Janis: anyway, rude when you know that's my type Jimmy: you'll be here in a bit, that's as long as I said Jimmy: be alright Janis: thank god Jimmy: nowt to do with him, it's my 🥇💡 Janis: you can't be jealous of god Jimmy: he ain't real it'd be like having a go at one of our kid's imaginary mates Jimmy: but I have done before now 'cause they can be right dickheads at bedtime Janis: 😏 Janis: sounds like you need to be nicer to them, tbh Jimmy: any time you wanna have a go, crack on Jimmy: you know where they live Janis: not good with kids either Janis: imaginary ones included Jimmy: he likes you, I said Janis: he's alright Janis: less bratty than the kids I know, that's for sure Jimmy: I could get their mums to piss off an' all, sort 'em out for you Jimmy: bit of a talent Janis: be useful Janis: my oldest sister, she's bossy as fuck Jimmy: that'll be the fit one, always are Janis: yeah, so everyone says Jimmy: might've been ages ago but now everyone says you're the fit one, she'll have to take 🥈 Janis: only 'cos she really shit the bed on that one but tah Jimmy: sounds like she'll live with being the bossy one Janis: 'cos I'll die if I ain't the fit one 🙄 Jimmy: I'll dump you if you're not the fit one, more like Janis: good luck getting her to fake date you she's actual married and a bit busy with it, like Jimmy: challenge would be accepted but you've painted her as more of a nightmare than you Janis: shut up Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: you aren't even funny, you know Jimmy: weren't what you reckoned in computer science, don't be lying 'cause you're mardy about my chances with your fit sister Janis: I said 🤡 Janis: doesn't necessarily mean funny Jimmy: but it did Janis: maybe you were funny then Jimmy: Oi, I ain't lost nowt Janis: just your hair and your will to live 👴 Jimmy: when we've been married for a bit, might do Jimmy: and my 💪 Janis: good job I carry you and this relationship then Jimmy: who carries who? Jimmy: nearly done my back in loads of times, tah very much Janis: that's only because you love it Jimmy: and you fell off an assault course Janis: which was your fault, if we wanna go into that again Jimmy: which is why I did my 🥇 nursing stint, if you wanna cast your 🧠 back, Jenna Janis: I know you like it Jimmy: I've had worse jobs Janis: 👍 Jimmy: don't mean you can get into the habit of hurting yourself, never live it down, a top athlete like you Janis: you think I'm that desperate for attention Jimmy: or that desperate to please me Jimmy: nah on either count Janis: don't have to try that hard, on either count Jimmy: I dunno if that's a piss take or not, I've made that many lattes Janis: Baby Janis: come out and I'll be there before you've lit up Jimmy: alright Janis: [arrive] Jimmy: [we hugging because couldn't do that earlier] Janis: [just the longest hug ever] Jimmy: [not breaking the hug but pulling her hair like he's gotta check it's not a wig and covering a karen hairstyle because the emotions are so much rn we need bants always] Janis: [just like oi but we're 😏 not 😒] Jimmy: ['well chuffed it's your real hair' just playing with it in a saucy way to make our point and no other reason obvs] Janis: [going to say something casual like 'mhmm' but does not sound at all casual] Jimmy: [just giving her a look like do you wanna try that again as if it's all just bants still but actually because so #into it we know] Janis: [grumpy face like it is too but not looking away from him 'cos tension Jimmy: [pouty lip thing because he's wanted to kiss her forever and that's the excuse he doesn't need but will take] Janis: [the literal most intense kiss how you don't actually die though] Jimmy: [we're all dying lads it's okay] Janis: [enjoy your moment though 'cos long time coming when you're this extra] Jimmy: [I have no idea how long it's actually been but it feels like ages tbh so take every second of these 10 minutes to be as extra as you can] Janis: [and not running away so progress] Jimmy: [proud of you both for not freaking out and sorting this out to a better level than it's been for ages] Janis: [get that lunch, live your best lives] Jimmy: [impress the bae by making something tailored to her that she'll love] Janis: [straight vibing] Janis: should I get loads of snacks for tonight Jimmy: to piss off 💀👑 or to cheer me up? Janis: you aren't cheered up? Jimmy: you asked that while I'm making you something to eat, which means you reckon you won't like it Janis: no it don't Janis: I was thinking to piss off 💀👑 Jimmy: if we get the rest of 'em to eat some she'll be fuming Jimmy: not 💀#2 obvs Jimmy: be impossible that Janis: challenge accepted then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: just need to tell her I know how to get Mia to love her Janis: easy Jimmy: won't take you no time then Janis: what do you want then Janis: as you're so 😭 Jimmy: to eat? Janis: yes Janis: other plans still need to be worked out but I'll let you clock out of this job before we get to that stuff Jimmy: not a teenage girl who counts calories, get whatever you reckon'll piss her off the most Janis: what do you like though, dickhead Jimmy: what kind of question's that? Jimmy: I'm northern, I don't like nowt Janis: you're fussy, is what I'm hearing Jimmy: *funny Jimmy: and I don't care, that's literally the opposite, dickhead Janis: *chronically unhelpful Jimmy: what are you getting so bothered about? Jimmy: I won't be 😭💔🎻 if there's no food, it's not the reason I'm going Janis: I just wanna make sure you don't have a horrible time Janis: even if the main point is they do Jimmy: getting to spend longer than 10 minutes with you will do that Jimmy: even if we'll still have dickheads 👀🍿 us there as well as here Janis: had larger if not quite as attentive audiences so Janis: I don't care Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: obviously, be better to be alone but Jimmy: [brings her this food and beverage like oh hey do you wanna finish that sentence because I'm all up in your grill as much as I'm allowed to be lol] Janis: [just smiling half at the food moment, half at proximity like oh hey] Jimmy: [stealing something off that plate before she's had a chance to photograph the excellence like a cheeky bitch, this is why she wants to know what snacks you want you fat bastard] Janis: I get it now Janis: you know that's not how tips work, yeah? Jimmy: is this where you teach me maths? Jimmy: I'm alright, tah Janis: could do Janis: not as good as 💀👑 I'm sure Jimmy: you'll live Janis: will I though? Janis: my dad ain't a lawyer Jimmy: nah, you're right, you're fucked Jimmy: do you wanna 💀💀💀 in front of 'em an' all? Janis: what sort of question is that? Jimmy: you'd say a valid one Jimmy: if it were you who'd asked Janis: and you'd say something about my 🧠 if I had Jimmy: I don't reckon I can say owt about your 🧠 right now when mine's on the same track Jimmy: but I'll have a go if you're missing the #bants Janis: fun, isn't it? Jimmy: than being a mopey git but less fun than acting on each 💭 would be Janis: we can though Janis: even if it takes a while Jimmy: I know, I just Janis: do you want to be distracted right now or not Janis: because I can go until you're ready to be Jimmy: I wanna go with you Janis: I know you do Janis: but can you, realistically Jimmy: not without a 🥇 reason Jimmy: as voted by my manager Janis: 🤔 Janis: can pretend to be your dying nan but might put you off so Janis: bit counterproductive Jimmy: [IRL lol excuse him everyone] Janis: [😍] Janis: if you're #intoit just lemme know now Jimmy: just don't tell your fit nan that's a kink unlocked, she'll think I'm aiming for her head instead of the window with my stones Jimmy: be a bit awkward next time I fancy a cuppa round there Janis: be a more ⛓ kink if it was your own but fine Janis: keep you well out of her way from now on Janis: done it to yourself with that 🚍 ride Jimmy: if you're gonna call me vanilla, I'll chuck myself in front of that 🚍 instead of getting on Janis: babe Jimmy: proper upset me that has Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: you know I like how you taste Jimmy: you're so Janis: you Jimmy: you Janis: [looks over and shakes head like no you] Jimmy: [gives her a LOOK like you though] Janis: [biting lip but not to be saucy just 'cos genuinely that much of a struggle rn] Jimmy: [when you've gotta just get busy with something because likewise dying] Janis: must be how she does it Jimmy: ? Janis: 💀👑 Janis: being rich enough to sleep with as many people as there are hours in the day Jimmy: what I don't get is why the lads do it Janis: boost their average, practice, warmer than their hand Janis: take your pick, like Jimmy: doubt she is, or much by way of practice Jimmy: and you can lie about your numbers if you're that bothered Janis: nah, she'd be well good for stamina, take you so long to get off it'll basically feel like a chore by the end Janis: you can, but anyone that actually goes there will know you're lying, right Jimmy: I'll crack onto her in a bit then, stop you going on about how crap mine is Janis: no Jimmy: know how to take a hint, me Janis: do you fuck Jimmy: bit rude Janis: there's a reason I ain't subtle Jimmy: if I'm supposed to be fuming about that, tell me so I can fake it for you Janis: don't need you to fake nothing for me Jimmy: just get a bit more stamina from somewhere, yeah? Janis: if you need me to tell you how much of a joke that is, I should probably go somewhere more private Jimmy: I don't need you to tell me nowt Janis: I'll stay put then Jimmy: [comes over to clean up like oh hey again it's me, excuse me while I 'accidentally' touch you as much as possible while doing it LOL] Janis: [doing the thing where you move to be out of the way but 'accidentally' end up more in the way like whoops] Jimmy: [and the eye contact is everything because the manager can't tell you off for that, boy] Janis: [just silently dying here] Jimmy: [hard same for him, I hope you don't have to do hours and hours more of making lattes Jimothy cos you will die] Janis: are your brother and sister out today Jimmy: they'll be back by the time I'm done here Janis: alright Janis: my grandparents won't be, we could stop there first Jimmy: do me a favour and we won't have to bother stopping at mine at all Janis: go on? Jimmy: you've got a 🔑 raid Ian's stash, get some clothes and whatever else you reckon we'll need in a bit Janis: I can do that Jimmy: just be the 🐕 there, you can stay there for a bit if you want Jimmy: I know tonight's gonna do your head in Janis: thanks Janis: you're gonna make it fun Jimmy: I'll give it a 🥇 go Janis: you always do Jimmy: nah, but I will do Janis: not just 'cos the competition is non-existent with that lot Jimmy: not 'cause of them, I want to 'cause of you Janis: I want that too Janis: you Jimmy: [😍 at her because what are words when there's so much you wanna say] Janis: [you pack up your things and go now gal] Jimmy: [try not to watch her go too dramatically please] Janis: [waving like a nerd when you outside] Jimmy: [signs something at her but I've forgotten what he's taught her at this point so who knows what kind of insult that would likely be haha] Janis: gonna ask my best mate for those 🥇 6 year old insults when I next see him Jimmy: just don't ask him what that meant Janis: get you in trouble Janis: you're very predictable Jimmy: piss off am I Janis: okay, then I just know you SO well babes 💖 Jimmy: that'll do Jimmy: keep it #goals hun Janis: speaking of Janis: what do you want for PJs 'cos I bet you don't have any Jimmy: surprise us all Janis: well, gonna protect your modesty and just protect you from them in general Jimmy: you dunno me that well if you reckon I've got owt modest going for me Jimmy: but tah for the 💪 Janis: maybe I'm doing it for me Janis: don't need you slagging it up for anyone else Jimmy: not gonna upstage you, babe Jimmy: I'm saving that for our 👰💍🤵 Janis: oi Janis: x2 Janis: calling me a slag now and outshining me later Jimmy: 😏 Janis: cheek, honestly Jimmy: we could bring the 🐕 let her be a massive slag and outshine us both Janis: I mean, I can't lick my genitals so Janis: she's got me beat there Jimmy: 💔 that rumour were total bollocks Janis: 😂 fuck off Jimmy: meant to be SUCH an athlete, you Jimmy: 🚫🤸🏽 Janis: I'm not a circus freak Jimmy: not in a hot way any road Janis: you're such a prick Janis: just 'cos you're 🤡 don't mean I'm joining Jimmy: so you don't wanna see me 🤹☕? Janis: you wanna get fired that bad, I know Jimmy: pissed right on my tik tok career you have Janis: you just have to pull faces/your top up Janis: it's not hard Jimmy: POV your 👻 boyfriend Janis: what every girl wants Jimmy: DUH Janis: #blessed Jimmy: that'll be why my ex is in my inbox Janis: yeah, you'd messaged her Jimmy: what? Janis: you should read it back Janis: I don't know what you said exactly but you said you'd messaged her last night Jimmy: you could've stopped us Jimmy: some 🧠📖 you are Janis: oh yeah, definitely knew you were that basic bitch stereotype Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: thought she turned you down anyway Jimmy: dunno I'm not gonna open it, am I? Janis: come on Janis: face up to your shame Jimmy: you dunno what she's like Janis: what's the worst that can happen Janis: unless you bought her a plane ticket for her and her baby Jimmy: funny Janis: I'm serious Janis: be worse the more you worry about it Janis: it can't be that bad Jimmy: 😒 Janis: Alright Janis: I'll read it for you later then Jimmy: yeah, I'm gonna let that happen Jimmy: fit AND mysterious is the brand Janis: 🙄 well you messaged me and all, I'm just the dickhead that turned up Jimmy: I remember that Janis: some of Jimmy: enough of, you said Janis: yeah Jimmy: if I were an ungrateful dickhead then, I can do grateful for you now Janis: you weren't Janis: you were Janis: fine Jimmy: what does that mean? Janis: I don't need you to be grateful Janis: it's alright, I meant it Jimmy: okay Janis: whatever you said to her, sure she's gotten drunk dials before now Jimmy: she's done it to me Jimmy: which is why I'm 😒 and 🙄 Janis: you don't wanna be that bitch to that bitch Janis: I get it Jimmy: such a way with words, you Janis: you know what I mean Janis: you've invited her back in, you reckon Jimmy: she'll reckon Jimmy: even if I slagged her off til the word limit Jimmy: or it weren't about her at all Janis: unlucky, then Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: something like that Jimmy: or 🌧🌧 Janis: I'm inside so Janis: go ahead Jimmy: if you can't benefit from fitting your hair under a 👑👒🎩🎓🧢 for a bit, I don't see the point Janis: gonna cheer up then? Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: but alright Janis: 👌 Jimmy: not very in the spirit of what you just said Janis: I don't need cheering up Jimmy: what do you need then? Janis: nothing Jimmy: come on Janis: what? Jimmy: talk to me Janis: about what clothes I'm packing or Jimmy: 🤞👗👠 for me Janis: if you have a secret crossdressing wardrobe, lmk Jimmy: maybe in our future fake mansion, my dear Janis: then I reckon you're shit out of luck Janis: your sister don't seem the sort Jimmy: she's not Janis: not that you'd fit anyway Jimmy: you slagging me off or her there? Janis: you, obvs Jimmy: 💀💀💀 wish ain't that strong, I get it Janis: you said you'd do it Janis: basically a promise Jimmy: I'll do whatever you want, not my fault there's nowt you do, you said Janis: If you were here, answer'd be different Jimmy: if I were there I wouldn't have asked the question Jimmy: don't have your way with words but I don't always need to Janis: you manage to get your point across still Jimmy: you don't always need to be a 🥇🧠📖 Jimmy: not subtle either, me Janis: I'm glad Janis: subtle is overrated Jimmy: Oi, put some 🎨 shit in for us, I'll paint you Janis: bet they all love titanic Janis: 💡 Jimmy: rich girls 💕🚢 Jimmy: and chucking the lower classes out of their 👀 Janis: bringing up the fit ones for 🎨 and 💦💦 Janis: still would let you drown soz xoxo Jimmy: I'd drown myself if the alternative is fucking any of that lot Janis: hard same Janis: much to Mia's 🎻💔 Jimmy: least I didn't slide into her DMs an' all Janis: you have checked Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: she'd have let every dickhead know by now if I had done Janis: oh yeah, true Janis: I'd have got that screenshot by now Jimmy: and you wouldn't be 🗨 to me Janis: if you drunkenly tried to fuck one of them? Janis: staging your intervention more like Jimmy: that weren't the plan with my ex either Janis: right Janis: rekindling that deeper connection you had then Jimmy: it was just Jimmy: 💔😭🎻 Janis: you don't need to tell me Jimmy: I'm not like that, alright Janis: like what Jimmy: that dickhead Jimmy: I thought this were over, I wanted to know how she did it Jimmy: just stopped giving a shit like that Janis: is that why you don't want to read her reply? Jimmy: I don't wanna read it 'cause whatever bollocks she said ain't gonna be no help to me Jimmy: I can't do it, move on like it's nowt how every other dickhead does Jimmy: I can't do it, move on like it's nowt how every other dickhead does Jimmy: probably asked Ian, an' all, that'll be why he chucked us out Janis: oh, yeah, that probably did it Janis: sorry Jimmy: don't be, he ain't Janis: but it was my fault Jimmy: bollocks are you taking the blame like it weren't me an' all Jimmy: and I'm not bringing that shit up again to make you feel bad, I'm just trying to explain what I were doing 🗨 to her Janis: if I'd just stayed on the train Janis: not ruined it Jimmy: you haven't ruined nowt, we sorted it Janis: yeah Janis: but you can talk to your ex or anyone how you like Janis: without explaining it to me Janis: you know Jimmy: I don't wanna talk to anyone else, I told you, I like talking to you Janis: I just wanna talk to you too Jimmy: that's alright then Janis: it is? Jimmy: isn't it? Janis: I haven't done this before Jimmy: I'll teach you all the signs you need to be mute, it's fine Janis: 😏 Jimmy: and if you wanna talk to the 🐕 I won't tweet about what a massive cheating slag you are Jimmy: unless it's that one dickhead Janis: you know his name don't pretend Jimmy: oh please, I don't even know yours, babe Janis: 😱 = Olivier rn Jimmy: if he's at my 🏠 that'll be Twix's face an' all Janis: awh, dog date Jimmy: she's not having puppies with that 🐀 Janis: he couldn't reach Janis: let him hump her leg, loosen up Jimmy: just 'cause you're on one and SUCH a romantic Janis: knew you cared Janis: well protective, you Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: I'd be me who'd be stuck with 'em when they're too ugly to sell Janis: say they're some bullshit breed and all the gals will have one Jimmy: 💰💰💰 Jimmy: speaking of, have a crack at Ian's online banking before you piss off, tah very much Janis: you running away now? Jimmy: depends how you get on Janis: bit of an elaborate way to get your own back on me but Janis: respect it Jimmy: Am I meeting you at your nan's in a bit or what? Bill wants me on that ladder Janis: read that as meeting my nan, and no Janis: but yes to what you and Bill actually said Jimmy: I'll meet her on my own, tah, be a bit awkward if you're there an' all Janis: awkward when she smack you down, yeah Jimmy: that's the story we'll be giving you and your granddad Janis: you're disgusting and I hate you Jimmy: if nowt else I've killed the mood, you'll live Janis: I'm alone, I can be in whatever mood I like Janis: you're the one who needs to be 😇 Jimmy: they don't pay enough to make me be 😇 Janis: alright Janis: at least half paying attention Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: 👻 manager will be buzzing Jimmy: he's too 💔 you've gone Jimmy: it's well #relatable Janis: wish he was the cute one Jimmy: bet he does an' all Janis: awh, Terry 😔 Jimmy: I wish he were the one that were gone Jimmy: could have you back then Janis: then wish every other customer would fuck off Jimmy: 🤞 goes without saying Janis: start a little fire? Jimmy: 🚬 Janis: if you share Jimmy: I don't reckon Alan fancies one but I'll ask Janis: Alan is definitely tee-total Janis: veggie, not vegan Jimmy: his missus'll be vegan and disappointed in him, that's what my 💰's on Janis: just LOVES milkly milky coffees Janis: can't quit Jimmy: that 🥛👨🏼 Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: yeah, wish he'd leave Janis: so blatant Jimmy: just a lad with no fake girlfriend in sight Janis: you asked me to leave Jimmy: but Janis: but make time go faster Jimmy: it only does that bollocks when you don't want it to Janis: yeah Janis: 🥺 Jimmy: stop it, I'll 😭 Janis: no no Janis: got none left Jimmy: weird challenge but alright Janis: you're meant to be 😄 Jimmy: not if you're 🥺 Janis: just pretend it's cute pouting Jimmy: it's your face doing it Janis: is that an insult or a compliment Jimmy: it's that I don't have to pretend you look cute Janis: 😶 Jimmy: *😍 Janis: don't make me 😳 more dickhead Jimmy: alright yeah, you're still alone, that is a bit of a waste Janis: and it's rude Jimmy: I'll leave it out Janis: no Janis: I like it Janis: but I feel like a twat Jimmy: why? Janis: you make me so Janis: unsubtle Jimmy: we already said that weren't a bad thing Janis: it doesn't feel it when it's just us Jimmy: we don't have to go to this bollocks sleepover, you know Janis: I know Janis: but it would be good to do Janis: what do you think? Jimmy: I reckon we can get 💀👑 off the scale easy enough, it's always a piece of piss Jimmy: but there'll be loads more chances to do that without having to go to your house in the middle of nowt, if you don't want to Janis: let's do it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: just weird Janis: with how we've fake acted Janis: and how we actually wanna Jimmy: yeah, but that bollocks has been doing our head in since day 1 Jimmy: nowt we can't handle Janis: 'course Jimmy: I meant what I said, we can bring the 🐕 to get the #s off us Janis: you have no idea how many 🐈s are about Jimmy: don't matter if they 💀💀💀 her, we'll find you another client Janis: you don't think we're going to have enough distractions as is? Jimmy: UGH fine Jimmy: she'll be 💔 when you leave though Janis: yeah, you'll have to do the hard work yourself, boy Janis: I've given her loads of attention Jimmy: I'm not 😱😱 of it, girl Jimmy: but well done for reading the rest of the room, Gracie excluded Janis: just saying, when you want a night off Janis: I'll give you that as well Jimmy: from them or you? Janis: whichever you want Jimmy: you're meant to say just from them if you're not 😱😱 of putting the work in either Janis: sounds like you want both when you bring it up Jimmy: it sounds like you want me to want both when you say bollocks like that Janis: alright, touche Janis: I meant from them, not me Jimmy: alright Janis: yeah? Janis: good Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🤔 Jimmy: what? Janis: is Nigel 👀 over your shoulder? Jimmy: do you want his attention? I can @ him, hang on Janis: duh Janis: bet he's a well good conversationalist Jimmy: that bollocking I had off him were 🔥🔥🔥 Janis: hot Janis: foreplay sorted Jimmy: from 🥶 to 🥵 Jimmy: how goals Janis: better not be calling me frgit Jimmy: nah, LITERALLY referring to my near 💀💀💀 experience, like Jimmy: #noteverythingisaboutyoubabes Janis: whoops Janis: awkward Jimmy: are you gonna tell me what you were 💭 or what? Janis: when? Jimmy: when you 🤔 @ me Janis: was thinking about Nigel Janis: or if you were actually alright, but I weren't going to ask again Jimmy: I'm 💔 that you keep banging on about Steve Janis: imagine if he was actually fit Jimmy: fuck that I need the tips Janis: I am purely in it for the tips Jimmy: 🎻 you're not fake dating Pete Janis: ??? whomst Jimmy: [a picture of him that Jimothy has awkwardly made him pose for] Jimmy: 🎸🤩 Janis: damn Janis: give me a good reference, tah Jimmy: I'll tell him ☕🍪🍪 Jimmy: see what he reckons Janis: yeah, vital info Janis: if he don't take it 2 sugars he'll have to learn how to Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: he DON'T take sugar 😱 Janis: 😱😱😱 Janis: is he diabetic or Janis: his teeth must be 😁 😍😍😍 Jimmy: he's scared of needles so 🤞 not Janis: he's adorable Jimmy: what kind of rock god Jimmy: 💰 on his mum or dad being a dentist Janis: 🤞 Janis: right, off you go then Janis: got a new schedule to memorize Jimmy: you never did this one, good luck, mate Janis: I will for Pete Jimmy: #savage Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: how long actually Jimmy: [a time which hopefully isn't that much longer now because he did go in early] Janis: 👏👏👏 Jimmy: is the 🐕 still 😱😱😱 like she were earlier? Janis: she's chilled out Janis: not fully, not a liar Jimmy: I'll 🗨 my sister to keep an eye on it Janis: she's had another 💩 break since her walk, so she'll be good for a while when I leave in a sec Jimmy: and they'll be back in a bit Janis: 👍 Janis: then I'll see you at my grandparents Jimmy: I'll have a 🌹 between my rotten 🦷🦷 Bill insists Jimmy: Dunno how I'm gonna say my lines Janis: you'll work out how to get a word in Janis: I'll allow it Jimmy: #spitorswallow Jimmy: what could be more romantic? Jimmy: 🌹🩸😘 Janis: why you gotta give me that visual Jimmy: you know why Janis: but Janis: 🧛 Jimmy: I remember, it just feels like fucking ages Janis: I don't even know how long it actually has been but Janis: I said I miss you Janis: understatement Jimmy: hang on 🥇💡 Janis: ? Jimmy: your new boyfriend's gonna finish up here for me Janis: serious? Janis: that's why I have to 💘 Jimmy: don't make me have to smack him before I've covered for him next week, weren't the plan Janis: I'm not in his DMs yet, don't worry Jimmy: tah Janis: you have to be nice to him, so I 🤐 Jimmy: I'm leaving now, be nice to me Janis: I will be Janis: I couldn't be more ready to see you Jimmy: how long do we have until your fit nan comes back? Janis: she works late all the time Janis: we should have an hour or so easy Jimmy: then that pisstake of a 🚍 Janis: exactly Janis: might be a few people coming home but still Jimmy: I'll take a few dickheads over every 👀 going past the CG Janis: whoever wants can 👀 as long as they keep it shut, like Jimmy: Oi, I still have to get there Jimmy: don't 💀💀💀 me before I can Janis: okay Janis: keep it all in my 🧠 Jimmy: if I had better words for how much I've missed you, you could have them Janis: your words are good Janis: and lack of is okay too Janis: you'll show me Jimmy: I have to, I need you to know Janis: I want to know Janis: that you missed me too, just as much Jimmy: I'll make sure you do Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: ? Janis: I wanna keep talking to you Janis: don't let me fuck it up again, yeah Jimmy: we'll not fuck it up together, alright? Jimmy: you stop me from being a twat and I'll stop you Janis: it's a deal Jimmy: 🖋🩸 Janis: when you get here Jimmy: can you 👀 me from the closest we're getting to a balcony yet or what? Janis: hold on Janis: weren't prepared to look out wistfully Jimmy: might be a bit far, can't 🏃 and 🚬 Janis: it's like you want me to joke about your stamina Jimmy: do it now while you still can then Janis: love it when you threaten me with a good time, like Jimmy: can't promise nowt but 💅💄 in a bit so I reckon it's the least I can do to not make you wanna 🔪 yourself before we get there Janis: at least we can make all of them wanna 🔪 themselves with how #goals we are Jimmy: and 💀👑 'cause we're much better fake mates to have an' all Janis: of course Janis: even with the gross amounts of PDA they'll have to suffer Janis: lord knows what she makes 'em 👀👂 Jimmy: if we don't split 'em apart soon she'll be getting them involved next Janis: step 1 to a cult is 'free love' everyone knows Jimmy: don't drink nowt I don't give you tonight, like Janis: 👍 I took the best I could find but only wanna get that level 🥴 fucked up Jimmy: be alright, I'll protect you for once Janis: you've protected me loads Jimmy: I'm not asking for a list, I know I'm such a 🥇🏆💪 lad Janis: not just carrying me though Jimmy: right Janis: you're not a total dickhead Janis: shocking I know, but sincerely Jimmy: just a massive one, I know Jimmy: and that's your type anyway Janis: yeah Janis: but the good kind Janis: not 💀👑 type Janis: like that computer project when she was such a prick Janis: and you were decent Jimmy: I'll take that compliment Janis: have it Jimmy: I've been there, knobheads 🗨 bollocks about my family Jimmy: ones who know me and who don't Jimmy: she were out of order and she's only been more of a prick since Jimmy: no need to even like you to hate her Janis: she is that much of a delight Janis: not to be 'you get it' about it but yeah Jimmy: I don't want a night off til she takes one Janis: then I'm gonna do the most to make that happen Jimmy: I could just 💀💀💀 her tonight for you Janis: not how you're gonna 💀💀💀 me Jimmy: however you want, but if that's what you want I'll struggle a bit Janis: never ever Janis: not enough bleach to scrub you with/my eyes/my 🧠 Jimmy: you'd have to just fully dissolve me 💀🦷🦴🦷🦴 Janis: skeleton fake boyfriend, you say? Janis: hmm Jimmy: sounds like a 👻's piss poor sidekick Jimmy: don't fancy it Janis: 🥇 or nothing forever tbh Jimmy: right answer, that Janis: thank you, I'd take a bow but don't wanna go falling out my balcony Jimmy: Oi, don't be overshadowing my dramatic speech Jimmy: act 2, scene 2 Janis: if you'd hurry up and get here to start it, I wouldn't be stood here like a div waiting for you Janis: probably curtain twitchers thinking I'm robbing the place or something Jimmy: [appears and does recite it like a massive nerd obviously] Janis: [like when you don't wanna be impressed but you are 'cos boy, how and when, pop off, just loling and dramatically calling him up the ladder with the random bits of script she remembers] Jimmy: [just a casual bit of basically word perfect shakespeare as he's climbing up nbd, oh Jimothy ILY and kissing her when he's barely at the top, lowkey gonna fall off this ladder cos there's no chill] Janis: [telling him he's such a nerd between kisses but there's zero fronting when you want him this bad, get inside kids, hope the neighbours are watching like what in the world lol] Jimmy: [we know anything he tries to say in response isn't coming out as words so I'm impressed you can gal] Janis: [not gonna let you be cockblocked now though 'cos later with be a trial so have at it, live your best lives] Jimmy: [ngl won't let you be cockblocked later either because fuck the flatwhites and live your best lives always] Janis: [true tea but glad you are actually alone for once for this proper reunion 'cos gonna be so loud] Jimmy: [do need some actual privacy sometimes, exhibitionists though they are and probably will be on the longest bus ride ever] Janis: [just be finished before Tess is home or awkwarrrrrrrrd] Jimmy: [the dog(s) will warn you that she's coming back I'm sure] Janis: [don't wanna have that awkward 'just me' chat whilst he runs away, but am gonna make that happen for my own lols] Jimmy: [we gotta because yeah it's amusing, I hope you fitted a shower in too kids because gotta show up looking #goals so mia is devastated] Janis: [a moment too, you had enough time so I insist] Jimmy: [yeah it's always a #mood and you would] Janis: [now go get this bus from hell hohaha] Jimmy: [I'm cackling because all the lovebites you two would have once again, look away Tess and bus peeps] Janis: [just like nan don't you say anything, not got time for this beef lol] Jimmy: [Tess just like 👀] Janis: [lmao running from this house like cya never gal just sneaking into your spare room as I please] Jimmy: [we should say this bus is lowkey really full at least at first for the lols] Janis: [it is clearly clocking off time so real, even if they get off before your house in the middle of nowhere] Jimmy: [shameless excuse to only have one seat that we're all here for] Janis: [so #intoit] Jimmy: [just touching every lovebite of hers that he can can without it being indecent like okay all that really just happened, thank god] Janis: [turning her head as much as she can in that position to smile at him and touch a lovebite on him herself] Jimmy: [kissing her cos she cute af] Janis: [turning her whole self fully so she's still in his lap but facing him so they can have a makeout moment] Jimmy: [love that for you] Janis: [at least whoever is sat next to you can be offended enough you can't keep going] Jimmy: [someone sick of their office job 9-5 we 👀 you gutted that you're not a teen in love] Janis: [soz you're old and bitter we aren't soz though] Jimmy: [good excuse to teach her some more shady sign language though thanks] Janis: [need that] Jimmy: [you can use it when the gals are doing your head in later] Janis: [it's a good code for get me out of here etc whenever y'all need it] Jimmy: [yeah cos as much as I LOVE when you write on her jimothy it would be hard to decode depending what you say so you can't always and you could literally do this from across a room if you need to] Janis: [all the codes honey, lord knows you need it when these gals are testing you] Jimmy: [mhmmm] Janis: [drawing a thumbs up and question mark on him now 'cos why not honey] Jimmy: [when you can't help smiling because she did your thing to you and also you actually are happy rn so well done for answering a question babe] Janis: [gotta look away and grin because he's so cute] Jimmy: [doing their feelsy lean thing as a way of asking her if she's alright too even though you know the answer really you just wanna] Janis: [nudging him back like stop killing me] Jimmy: [just playing with her hair in a soft way like I dunno what you could possibly mean 😇 but we all know enough time has not passed yet since he would have been doing it not in a soft way when they were hooking up] Janis: [lil grumpy face like boy and mouthing 'don't start' 'cos we know you don't need an excuse to be extra rn] Jimmy: [running his thumb over her pouty little bottom lip because we love annoying the bae and the annoying person next to us] Janis: [taking that thumb into your mouth like you aren't in public 'cos fuck everyone on this bus lmao] Jimmy: [regrets he has a few, he doesn't at all really but he is dying now obvs] Janis: [we're 😏] Jimmy: [gotta wipe that smirk off her face with your own saucy behaviour not soz bus peeps so get that earlobe boy] Janis: [#shooketh noise, then whispering in his 'now who's the vampire?'] Jimmy: [touches a particularly epic lovebite she's given him and then looks at her like I reckon it's still you] Janis: [looking at it like hmm 'well, you earnt it' and then a LOOK] Jimmy: [giving her a LOOK back because always and then writing 'you' over a particularly epic love bite he gave her like you earnt yours too gal] Janis: [shivers] Jimmy: [we're kissing, deal with it everyone] Janis: [we know how this is, not concerned whatever you might say/tut people soz] Jimmy: [we're barely aware that any of y'all are here rn so] Janis: [rinse and repeat getting worse as more people leave 'cos duh] Jimmy: [we know what the vibe is] Janis: [gotta brace yourself for going into this storm/house] Jimmy: [we can skip to that if you want] Janis: [go for it] Jimmy: [have fun crashing this fun fest lads] Janis: [gonna say Ali is there too for the sheer awks lol] Jimmy: [love that] Janis: [sorry gal your extra mother is here to say bonjour] Jimmy: [I'll give you a break and say Billie isn't there rn so it's not a literal full house] Janis: [yeah, be very rude to do a full meet the family moment lmao] Jimmy: [I won't make you have to have a convo about why she's paralysed at this precise moment] Janis: [so many convos we don't need to have yet, being so off with your mum lowkey is a bit weird enough Jimmy: [Jimothy would look like such a rude hoe because he's uncomfortable around mums, this is why the fam think you're a bad boy though sir when you actually the softest ever] Janis: [we leaving that convo as fast as we can soz Ali] Jimmy: [not a good first impression but not as bad as it could've gone if you hadn't even had that and then just walked in on something or whatever lol] Janis: [she'll live, gonna have to go to your room 'cos gotta get the 😒 out before being your fake self] Jimmy: [gotta bring it if you wanna steal the flatwhites from mia you can't be going in before you're ready] Janis: [in this bare room like woo] Jimmy: [he's noticed but he's not gonna be a dick about it because now is not the time] Janis: ['nightmare, right?' from lying down on her bed 'cos what he said about fit ones earlier] Jimmy: ['not as much of one as you' because just gotta tell her she's the most beautiful ever but in the least feelsy way possible] Janis: [throwing a pillow] Jimmy: [chucks it back at her obvs] Janis: [sitting up like excuse me] Jimmy: [comes and sits next to her because he wasn't before] Janis: [cue hearing them giggling or some shit from the other room like oh god] Jimmy: [🙄 and signs something shady about them like let's go fully deaf rn tbh] Janis: [does something back but gets it slightly wrong 'cos you know] Jimmy: [just corrects her like gimme your hand gal, and shows her how to do it because any chance to touch her we're always taking] Janis: ['how do I tell them to do one without it being obvious?' all the hand gestures] Jimmy: [a little lol but spells out some insults letter by letter because takes longer but they won't have a clue that way] Janis: [practising to kill time and stay alone] Jimmy: [eventually doing the 👍? drawing on her like she did on the bus for that nice parallel because she knew he was then and this time he knows she's not] Janis: [getting up in response like of course 'let's do this then' and holding out your hand like come on] Jimmy: [taking that hand and using it to pull her into a hug because he knows gal and he's not loving the idea of leaving this room either so] Janis: ['not got time' but nudging him to let him know you're only joking about his one-track mind now] Jimmy: [dramatically shhing her as if the flatwhites are gonna hear her turning him down and realise they've been duped but we're likewise only joking] Janis: [rolls her eyes but obvs at the thought of them 'do them good to hear what a no is'] Jimmy: [a grimace because true and also true of his ex which is something we don't wanna dwell on 'I get it, that's your ultimate goal' like okay we're gonna reprogram the cult that way are we] Janis: [shrugs 'just want the pleasure of pulling the trigger myself, like you said'] Jimmy: [shrugs back but also moves away like he's leaving room for Jesus or something with a lil nod like there you go] Janis: [raises a brow like ? but doesn't say anything 'cos thinking 'what's our excuse for bursting in on 'em?'] Jimmy: ['do we need one? sounds like a right laugh in there' oh the sarcasm and bants] Janis: ['yeah, be that as it may, you're meant to wanna be in here alone with me, dickhead-' then puts her finger up like aha 💡 and drags him like let's go] Jimmy: [is about to say that that's what he does want but then she gets her brainwave so that spares him and obvs we're just being dragged along] Janis: [gonna WELL SUBTLY imply you've run out of condoms and do any of you gals have some, soz bit embarrassing boy but you know also a #flex, then you can just be like ooh what you up to like you care lol] Jimmy: [Grace just going to her drawer where she keeps all her hoe shit like I got you gal while Mia and Ella are appalled as if they aren't even bigger hoes and Asia not getting the 'subtlety' so Hollie is explaining like] Janis: [having to pretend you're embarrassed to endear yourself to 'em like full 🙈 but trying not to lose it at how mad #1 & #2 are and how stupid Asia is, like don#t catch the baes eye rn] Jimmy: [at least trying not to lol and pretending you are embarrassed look pretty similar thank god, and then you can do her nails boy because that's blatantly what they were doing but it's more #goals that you want to and will do a good job] Janis: [I vote toenails 'cos it's already a bizarrely intimate task actually so would be 😳 by the end of it] Jimmy: [and then he can be like do you want anything to drink or any of the snacks because she won't be able to move til they are dry- Grace blatantly would have smudged hers already because of her willingness to help Janis at any point and because she's a clumsy bitch so Mia is already annoyed- as a way to let the gals know they have both of these things so Mia will be angrier] Janis: [just like bring 'em all, we'll share, let's party lollololol] Jimmy: [he obvs does and obvs kissing her like he's been gone for a thousand years when it was like a sec purely for the gals not because he's that extra oh no] Janis: [we just really out here reminding everyone we came for condoms pop off kids] Jimmy: [I like to imagine Hollie immediately going for the snacks because she's so done with Mia's shit at this point] Janis: [get yours gal, we're drinking, of course] Jimmy: [very necessary in order to stay sane and coupley sharing is an added bonus] Janis: [painting your nails boy so next time there's chance to go you cannot take it lol] Jimmy: [but are you doing black or are you doing a silly colour] Janis: [you're lucky it isn't some shade of beige tbh, go black though] Jimmy: [latte coloured lol] Janis: [Hollie would've brought some black, edgy hoe] Jimmy: [she absolutely would, all the colours too, fuck you gals] Janis: [live a little huns] Jimmy: [Oh yeah when she painted his nails before Grace put it on her stories so they don't even have to do the work so that's a yes from me] Jimmy: [and Mia suggested a game like never have I ever to try and show Janis up because of course she did but they turned it around and made it couple goals because 1. they can answer for each other like lol we know each other so well now bye and 2. and Mia would be fuming cos her and Pablo are not and what are you gonna do gal facetime him, I don't think so] Janis: [good thinking, and we've got a bottle so all the games can come out now, honestly is Pablo even still about babes, so salty] Jimmy: [all the gals have to drink now and you can't say shit hun, also Grace got upset about it in the OG because her love life is a shambles but in this instance could be about Pablo cos Mia's shown she's that bitch and Jimothy was like go after her before anyone else can because nothing would annoy Mia more] Janis: [just getting Ella to ask really graphic and specific ones she clearly knows Mia has done so they all have to think about that 'cos that bitch] Jimmy: [how gross and how legit for exactly what she would do] Janis: [off you pop then gals, trying not to vom about that, have you no shame Mia] Janis: stay safe, don't let them 💀💀💀 you Jimmy: I'll drink the nail polish remover before I let these lasses near me Janis: loyal to the end 💘 Janis: what is 🍾 if not one step up from acetone so Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Jimmy: be why Asia's asking me how to make some lad more #goals before she cracks onto him Janis: 🙄 Janis: just don't let slip about your entirely fake personality Jimmy: be in good company if I did do Janis: no, she's really that thick Jimmy: reckon I should warn him? @ [this lad's real socials whatever they are because of course she's shown him as if he would know the kid or ever talks to anyone] Janis: well he is your best mate Janis: nah, looks like a dickhead, can probably handle himself Jimmy: sure you don't want him for yourself then? Janis: so she can have you Janis: not a wife swap I'm interested in Jimmy: so you can have a bigger dickhead and she can eat her feelings Janis: is she? Jimmy: she would be if she were 💔 over you taking her lad Janis: I'll do my best to casually drop that into the conversation Janis: you look the other way, like Jimmy: 👍 Janis: we're making popcorn Janis: the empty calories, the horror Jimmy: the real 😱😱 will be when one of 'em tries to hold my hand as I go to grab some of that 🍿 Jimmy: you're gonna have to chuck it at me Janis: ugh Janis: are you gonna be 💪🏆 enough? Jimmy: depends Jimmy: are we gonna have to watch some bollocks film an' all? Janis: what sleepover would be complete without a chick-flick? Jimmy: UGH Janis: don't ugh at me so agressively Janis: I'm sure they'll let you pick and be 😍 when you get it right Jimmy: Titanic, I remember Janis: you know how long that film is Janis: do you wanna be bored to death or what Jimmy: weren't planning to watch it, but alright, if you're sticking to yours of teaching 'em to say no I'll pick something else Janis: obviously the plan isn't to ignore you for the duration Jimmy: you'd be fucked if it were Janis: really Janis: you think you're that irresistible, yeah? Jimmy: it ain't about what I think Jimmy: your 🧠 been on the one track all day, Jasmine Janis: you reckon I can't? Jimmy: it don't matter, you can't accept the challenge around them and keep things #goals Janis: well I can Janis: don't have to let you finger fuck me or return the favour Jimmy: such a romantic, you Jimmy: go on then, resist me Janis: well, what else does watch a movie mean if we're not watching it Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: never said you were on the wrong track Janis: won't be hard Janis: Mia's chat hasn't put me in the mood Jimmy: chuffed to hear you aren't raring to go after all that bollocks Janis: not as 😭 as gracie but that's nothing new Jimmy: I'll stick the 🎻🎵 on for her Janis: Titanic'll do then, you were rigt Janis: right* Jimmy: can't help having 🥇💡 me Janis: what else would you fill that giant head with Jimmy: 🚬 smoke Jimmy: you coming? Janis: alright Janis: come down and bring the bowls up 🍿 so she don't wanna come with Jimmy: [does] Janis: [go outside to your lil porch moment] Jimmy: [we all know you already need the break lads] Janis: [pretending we aren't arsed but no one needs to hear it, like] Jimmy: [Jimothy just having a 🚬 and whistling a bit of Celine Dion like a nerd] Janis: [trying to shoot him a can you not look but can't not lol a bit] Jimmy: [changes his whistle to the funeral march cos they wanna die] Janis: [shakes her head 'cheery'] Jimmy: [chucks his lighter at her so she can wave it like they do at concerts 'go on then, request something'] Janis: [for some reason lowkey panics like idk, why have you sprung this on me 'do one of your favourites'] Jimmy: [does one of the shit songs they'd play at the CG on a loop so she'd have heard it there for the pisstake] Janis: ['sounds about right' like you #basic] Jimmy: [chucks something at her like an outdoor cushion or whatever like oi because it's been so long since they've had a playfight] Janis: [getting one of your own to whack him with 'why don't you do one of Pete's?'] Jimmy: [is so lowkey 😒 but hides it by pretending that he's so 💔 he doesn't know all of Pete's songs off by heart and getting up his band page to play some bops] Janis: [OTT 😍 'he's SO talented' like she doesn't even know what instrument he is or if he's singing lol] Jimmy: [😒 af but we're forever in the #bants so we gotta leave a 👍 as a comment for these lads] Janis: [snatching his phone like you're gonna comment yourself but just being nosy with it] Jimmy: [smoke rings because we're so jealous but we gotta pretend it's chill] Janis: [oh Pete, just on his socials now 'this his girlfriend?' in a OMG you could've told me/I'm devastated kinda way] Jimmy: [shrugs without even looking because he genuinely doesn't know much about Pete yet cos he's an antisocial hoe and I doubt Pete's chatting up a storm to most of his coworkers at the CG either tbh] Janis: [tuts like honestly but puts the phone down 'cos over the #bants as he's not biting, 'let me look at your nails' an excuse for closeness to inspect like you better not have smudged 'em, boy] Jimmy: [raises an eyebrow like really but obvs does let her] Janis: ['nail art is my passion' so serious proper inspecting every finger, putting his thumb to her lips for the bus mems and looking at him like hey] Jimmy: [can't even be in a sulk anymore because the bae is just your fave, touching her hair for the bus and everything that happened before mems] Janis: [holding your breath and closing your eyes 'cos #overwhelmed] Jimmy: [very soft kiss on her forehead because he's that cute nerd] Janis: [breathing out, 'do I have to ignore you?'] Jimmy: [kissing her properly but still soft so she can decide if she's gonna kiss him back or not like up to you gal] Janis: [obviously does] Jimmy: [just having a nice little makeout moment] Janis: ['you're gonna miss the popcorn'] Jimmy: ['subtle hint' like oh do you want some popcorn do you babe] Janis: [pushes him, gently lol, 'was you buzzin' off the handholding'] Jimmy: [holds her hand like well I'm alright now then aren't I] Janis: [pulls away like eww 😏 'not as sweaty as Tammy though, come on'] Jimmy: ['my nails are more goals an' all' 😏 we going in though] Janis: ['mine are the best though'] Jimmy: ['still gotta crack on with my masterpiece though, remind us in a bit'] Janis: ['I'll do something inspiring to make you remember'] Jimmy: [I vote Mia should have picked and started a film in the living room already cos she's a rude hoe so they should go sit next to her to annoy her like budge up Ella you fat bitch] Janis: [the realest lmao] Jimmy: [everyone is on their phones already so bored] Janis: [the film will be next level crap obvs, doubt she even likes it, just loud whispering about everything from the plot to the popcorn] Jimmy: [jimothy just asking Grace to get the face masks out at a normal volume because she obvs will] Janis: [shushing him like omg] Jimmy: [shading Mia by SUBTLY implying she won't mind because she needs one] Janis: [talking about some skincare she definitely don't need like omg lifesaver babe trust me] Jimmy: [just touching her face lovingly and giving it the OTT heart eyes like yeah it's clearly working for the bae] Janis: [just going on about his perfect face and how lucky he is not to need nothing like where's the lie] Jimmy: [being all like this is why I wanna do a facemask can you BELIEVE I have never gals] Janis: [fully biting our cheeks not to lol rn like oh boy] Jimmy: [Grace buzzing she can leave to go get everyone a mask like thanks babes] Janis: [definitely make them take a lovely unflattering mask selfie lol[ Jimmy: [and loads of cute coupley ones of you two cos we know you still look great] Janis: [just those bitches we been knew] Jimmy: [gotta 'accidentally' chuck his at Ella cos hate you two gal because it's slimy and gross and he's not about it, like oh soz totally weren't aiming for you but you're close to the bin there gal] Janis: [we know she's gonna be seething, if she weren't so weak would definitely brawl you alas, at least you can go off to the bathroom to wash it off him as he's so offended by it and be extra in the process] Jimmy: [I like to imagine that her horrified reaction 'accidentally' made it into the tik tok Hollie was making so she's extra raging, jimothy just like gotta go before this shit fetches my freckles off bye] Jimmy: [god bless that downstairs bathroom so you can leave the door open the whole time, hope there's some popcorn left for that show ladies] Janis: [I hope you're out now Alison, probably 'cos can't stand Mia and Ella] Jimmy: [we know you'd still have an epic social life it's fine] Janis: [just taking your opportunity to pretend you're giggling at whatever he's doing to you 'cos not over Ella's face lol] Jimmy: [and tbf he is lowkey gonna have a water fight with you splashing up a storm because that bitch, don't die Billie when you eventually get back] Janis: [thank god it's likely a wet room sitch so we aren't going to kill her lol, also no hiding how soaked you are in your tiny PJs jussayin] Jimmy: [not saying he had those motives but we're not mad it happened though the gals will be when you give her something of yours to wear] Janis: [may as well make this performance as real as possible] Jimmy: [so gutted you've missed half this film by now I'm sure] Janis: [hear how devvo we are gals lol] Jimmy: [nothing makes me happier than how raging those two are and like JJ have barely had to do anything] Janis: [Grace just turning the volume up 'cos clearly won't leave no matter how pissed off we are like we're watching this film] Jimmy: [Grace babe you need to leave this friendship group] Janis: [coming back in like you're shook they're there like you totally forgot what you were even doing before] Jimmy: [give them both an oscar asap] Janis: [uploading your #content and an excuse to be on your phone for a sec] Janis: have you thought of anything you wanna do after Jimmy: Is that another one of your subtle hints or what? Janis: what am I hinting? Jimmy: might be you want me to decide or you already have done and you wanna tell me your 🥇💡 Janis: or I'm just asking Janis: 'cos I wanna know Jimmy: been a bit busy making 💀👑 bloody 🤬 but when we get her to 🤯 I'll have a 💭 Janis: don't act like I've done nothing Jimmy: never said that Janis: you implied it Jimmy: I said we Janis: oh Jimmy: what's up? Janis: just misread it Jimmy: you're alright then? Janis: aren't you? Jimmy: weren't what I asked Janis: what's wrong? Jimmy: we're in a ⚫️ of bollocks here now, you ain't even answered the question you're just re-asking it Janis: I'm fine, you're the one who brought it up Jimmy: 👍 Janis: good talk Jimmy: can't all be poetry, mate Janis: 💔 I'm sure Jimmy: there'll be a 🎻 playing in a bit, I'm sure Janis: sure 💀#2 is 🥇 string, mate Jimmy: she'd be smashing us over the head with it if she could lift it off the floor Janis: you did silence of the lambs her Jimmy: TOTAL accident that Janis: mm yeah Jimmy: like how wet you are Janis: excuse me Jimmy: you heard Janis: VERY deliberate, you mean Jimmy: don't sound like me or something I would do, girl Janis: look, if you don't wanna take responsibility for making me wet, we can find someone else to take the blame, I'm sure Jimmy: won't be this film though Janis: 🙄 Janis: seriously Jimmy: you wanna go do LITERALLY owt else? Janis: thought you'd never ask Jimmy: come on then Janis: [dramatically sighs and snuggles down into his lap hardcore like, oh, I'm SO sleepy, please take me to bed immediately] Jimmy: [picks her up and carries her away even though there's no need] Janis: [throwing a 'enjoy your evening' over his shoulder as a total afterthought 'cos obvs so 😍 when you are out of sight though, actual face like freedom at last] Jimmy: [could put her down when you're out of sight but doesn't] Janis: [we thinking see, you love it, but we're not saying it] Jimmy: [he knows so he pretends he's gonna drop her but doesn't do that either obvs] Janis: [at least the 'don't you dare!' can sound goals if you aren't totally out of earshot/they're stalking you up the stairs lmao] Jimmy: [okay so my 🎨 idea I randomly had was like he's pissing about tickling her and 'drawing on her' with a clean paintbrush but there's no way she can work out what he's actually drawing so then he does one of those pinterest basic bitch paintings on her back actually but to make it the least cringe we can because never just for the #fans it's the fish tank from that™ romeo and juliet scene they talked about] Janis: [I LOVE THAT you clever nugget, need that, lowkey actually so impressed with his talent™] Jimmy: [nice throwback to when Ali was always painting on Carly so it made my heart happy and I thought cooler than just drawing her because he said lemme paint you not lemme paint a picture of you and he'd have to take a pic so she could see it properly so that's #content] Jimmy: [AND they'd have to wash it off eventually so that's a bath moment we can still have because I didn't get #bathgate] Janis: [and it must happen] Jimmy: [how intimate is washing something else's back though goodbye] Janis: [we're really having all the moments today] Jimmy: [like if you don't wash her hair for her too who are you boy] Janis: [is this day 1 of being friends again, why you so extraaaaaaaa] Jimmy: [they're 15, that's all we need to say] Janis: [cue tayswizzle] Jimmy: [I like to imagine he's not in the bath he's outside of it like that Effy scene and the big brother/dad that he is] Janis: [somehow way more intimate, like would you like to get in boy] Jimmy: [right? we're really doing something today] Janis: [feels get us through without a freakout] Jimmy: [likewise, we're so shook to actually have the bae back that nothing is fully hitting us yet] Janis: [that's the tea on today baby] Jimmy: [is there anything else we wanna happen or is the vibe that they're gonna hook up til they legit do fall asleep?] Janis: [probably that, like they can go piss about outside in the barn like we said but it'll just be more cute] Jimmy: [a lot has happened today feels wise so if you wanna post this I am down]