#when I move I will tho. my datemate and I are both the sorts to want a long period of Me Time where we're left alone to enjoy some peace

[sometimes-stufful]

Hey guys. It's been um *checks watch* like 5 or 6 years since I've used this blog. How's everybody doing? Sorry for the unannounced hiatus all that time ago.

I don't know if this blog will become active again. However there is a good chance that it might! I'm starting to create a plot for the blog's characters (because I still love them dearly), so hopefully I can create that and get this show up and running again. I've also been updating everyone's refs. So even if I don't come back to posting here officially, I think I'm going to at least upload those. I also have some new characters in the works that I may post refs for if I don't go thru with returning/making this blog more plot-centric.

I really do want to return to sometimes-stufful. However I'm an adult now (I'm literally about to turn 25 in 10 days, holy shit), and the past few years have been rough as hell on my mental health. I've lost a lot, and am just starting to heal from everything that's gone down. And I work full time, and have a datemate now, so finding the chance to draw is difficult. But this blog helped me on my art journey before. And I'd love to use it as an excuse to draw more, which is the main thing that pulling me back into the pokemon ask community. Another thing that's been pulling me back is the strong af urge to create content for my characters. Because I still love them so very much. I think about them so often that I want to put them in Situations and share it all with you. Although first I wanna get better at drawing humans lol (its relevant I swear). But I could get back into the swing of drawing some 'mons if I really set myself out to.

Let's see how it all goes. I'll keep you all updated. For those of you who have stuck around waiting so long, thank you. I hope to join you in this community again soon.

In the meantime, here's where you can find me and my artwork:

Main blog Toyhouse Artfight

[readingontheroof]

(1) Hi so I hope I'm somehow able to word this properly and not be an awful person (I'm sorry my emotions are still running kinda haywire). So yesterday my datemate told me that they are aromantic and they've known for about two months now and they didn't tell me earlier (even tho they hate lying/keeping secrets) bc they still love me (but not romantically of course) and they were worried I was going to cut ties with them completely in order to get over them and not want them in my life

anymore. Which I don't think I would have done, but given my past experience and personality, I think it was a reasonable thing to think. So after they told me that, I cried a lot and we talked about it some more, but it wasn't really a proper discussion since I was crying so hard. (I don't know if this helps but I'm an infj and my datemate (?) is an intj. I'm also asexual and they're pansexual. Sorry to dump this on you, I just think you're insightful and give good advice). We've been dating for 10 months now so it's a little bit hard finding this out after we've already been together for a while. While I understand why they waited 2 months to tell me (didn't want to hurt me, we were already dating, didn't want to permanently lose me) I'm still mad and wish they had told me earlier. I'm very future-oriented and I plan things out so far in advance, I was already imagining a future with them and was so happy and excited about it. I can change this image of coursebut it feels so sudden and it's like everything's been turned upside down. Last night I was overwhelmingly sad, and today I'm still sad but also angry. Maybe it wouldn't have but that's 2 months I could've spent stopping myself from getting attached to this future image. We talked about it together multiple times: what we each want, where we want to live, what kind of cats and dogs we want to own together. I know we can still live together, & I'd really really love that, it's just that someof the certainty of the future has been ripped away and it was really comforting and wonderful to think about. I really love them a lot and I can't think of anyone else I'd rather own cats with. Last night they said they'd still like to be in a romantic relationship with me and date me and continue doing everything else we've already been doing, but they don't want to be involved with any of those romantic rituals like getting married, etc. All I want right now is to continue our currentrelationship, especially since they want to and they really want to be in my future. It's just that I'm so attached to the idea of romantic love and marriage (it's so stupid though) and I don't know how to get away from that & I KNOW that no matter how much I'd like to continue this current relationship, I'm going to eventually want to get married and I don't want to regret anything. The ideal future would be for me to live with both them and someone else I'm married to in the same housebut all I can think about is how there's no way that'll ever work bc then that's three people's lives, jobs, wants and needs we'd have to coordinate in order to live in the same place and area. The probability of it working out is so unlikely & I don't know if I'd be even be able to find someone else to date who'd be willing to do that. I'm thinking the best option is for me to break off my current relationship with my datemate and do something more akin to a qpr, I just hate how vague anduncertain the future seems now. In the midst of this, I'm still mourning our past relationship (it was also my first romantic relationship). I really hope I didn't say anything to hurt their feelings last night but I tried to make as clear as possible that it's okay for them to be aromantic, I'm just upset about the changes to my vision of the future. Like if only I could get rid of this attachment to the idea of marriage and romantic love, and all that sappy stuff, then we could still continue our current relationship into the future the way it's been. I've just been so happy since (and before) we started dating at college and it's kinda of just a shocker, like I was too optimistic. I did get some warning from my instincts which I probably should've listened to (I hesitated before asking them out bc I thought they might've been aro but they said yes & later when they talked about possibly being polyarmorous I freaked out bc I went on a forum & lots of ppl had similarviews on platonic and romantic love and in poly and aro communities and I was worried that they were aro and I brought it up to them and at the time, they thought they were poly so they reassured me BUT two weeks after the convo realized they were aro. Fucking weirdass ni. Should've listened to it. In addition to this, I have become very attached to cuddling and physical intimacy and I don't want that to stop...but at the same time I'm worried I'm never going to stop liking them if I don'tstop the physical intimacy. Last night they said they'd be fine with whatever I wanted to do (become friends, continue the romantic relationship, or continue the romantic relationship and affection until I find someone else I want to date). Honestly the third option sounds the most appealing but I'm just worried I'm gonna be trapped in a limbo and that my new ideal future option is too unlikely to happen & by continuing the physical and emotional intimacy I'm keeping myself from formingother bonds with other people. I don't want to cut them out of my life, bc even if we ended the romantic relationship, we have become so close with each other, and I enjoy spending time with them more than anyone else at college right now. I know that they really value their relationship with me as well, since they said that they trust me more than anyone else and they have a lot of difficulty opening up to people. I'm not quite sure what kind of advice I'm asking for, maybe I just neededto write all of this out. I'm sorry this was so long, I just have so many emotions. I guess I'm wondering what your opinion is, & if you have any advice on dealing with overcoming the loss of a former vision of the future & replacing it with another one (the biggest question I guess). Also maybe any advice on whether or not you think it's something that would work & if I'm still being too optimistic. Do you have any tips on how to go about forming a qpr? Thank you so much! Feel free toanswer whenever you happen to have any time!! Also if any of these messages get lost or eaten by tumblr, let me know & I can resend them (I've saved them). I'm sorry this was so long! Thank you 

Honestly I'm starting to feel a little bit better after writing all of that out and thinking about other possible future options (happy ones of course) and it's really nice. Thank you for your blog & all you do for the mbti community. Mbti always makes me feel better when I'm feeling bad and reading your thoughts and insights on it is always fun. I guess it's sorta distraction but it's still nice and isn't really hurting me so thanks 

Okay so first i wanna establish i’m likely aro myself so i dont really have a great understanding of the differences between romantic and platonic feelings.

So, one thing I’m confused about is how the relationship would go if you proceeded like the INTJ suggested, (the same, but w no “rituals”). What exactly about the relationship right now would be romantic to you that wouldn’t continue, besides stuff like marriage? Bc I think the biggest disconnect wouldn’t be in not doing x y z, but in a difference in how you view the relationship. If they view the relationship somehow differently bc they are aro, what are those differences? Bc obviously it isn’t a sexual relationship but you were doing things that would be “romantic” rather than “friendly.” I think it would be helpful to try to figure out what has changed, really at all. Bc if you are viewing the relationship very differently from each other, I can see how that could cause pain.

It definitely seems like you want something more from the relationship than they do, and I do think that if you continued the relationship with you sort of pretending it’s a romantic relationship and them sort of pretending it’s a friendship, with you knowing it will never fulfill those expectations you had, it will feel like something is missing and bitterness/pain/disconnection might come from that. I think if you decided to continue the physical intimacy but say you’re friends, that’s what you’re going to end up doing. I think you shouldn’t cut them off or avoid them, it just wouldn’t be logical. I think you should keep your friendship, but try not to do anything you would see as romantic. Maybe a little space right now would be really good, for you especially, to get your head around it without any pressure or guilt. However, I do think that given time (esp given your types), you could change the nature of the relationship and move on in a way, especially bc it is your first relationship. I think you could be best friends, and you could end up with a different romantic partner that you have a healthy, fulfilling relationship with.

I do think you should trust your instincts, if they’re telling you anything at this point. It seems like doing so would put you in a place that feels natural.

I don’t have any tips on how to form a qpr bc i’ve never had one and don’t really have a want for one, but I do advise you to be careful, bc boy have a I seen people try to have a qpr with someone they clearly have a crush on and it isn’t fun for either of the people involved.

No prob man, I rlly hope it works out for you. I do think the venting helped you organize everything! I’m glad you like my blog, thanks :)!