#when i do my 3rd watch i'm literally going to skip every scene with the featheringtons i just want to see kate and anthony | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

heartedlystyled · 5 years

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Abu's friend asked Abu to ask me if i would be comfortable to wear Hindu with a Burka.

I'm not huge on burkas because i get the got breath back and im already always hot anyways.

But his friend, Abu said that he found interesting that Hindu is a combination of my usual need for bling combined with Islam dress.

I said i would look for an appropriate outfit in Hindu wear to see if i would he comfortable in Hindu wear...

Its the land of the free, I can wear what i want...

Then we can across the girl on the left and he said "you already kind of dress that way anyways and your daughter, too!"

And i do... In NYC we had friends that were India Hindu, Americans, US military and we played with their kids... And i remember the grandma always seemed to open the door and she always wore the red dot on her forehead. She would stab it to make it upraised with a little needle and she would re tattoo it like every week or So...

It looked like a felt dot glued securely to her forehead.

And she often wore pink and green with gold sequin trim And she was always sewing.

So somehow as an adult, i began dressing my infant daughter that way as i always wore pants or ankle length dresses/skirts... Younger i would wear above the knee with panty hose... But longer meant more freedom like no pantyhose or having to shave above the mid calf... Just in case...

With my infant i would put a cute dress on her with jeans because she would get cold... Cause she couldn't keep socks on and the jeans would cover her feet...

Then as she got older wanting her comfortable to play like a boy but in a dress had me to put leggings on her...

Then for me cause i got excessively fat, I didn't feel comfortable in a shorter dress or skirt... So i also wear pants.

But I do wear spaghetti straps or strapless... Because i like it. It still covers my books so..

And I can understand going to the movies with Abu and his single friend and his friend asking me to wear a bit more than normal...

Its not against me at all.., its about respecting his friend Abu... Like he isn't all trying to be looking at me because hes just sitting and zoning into space... Or because he is looking at me and talking...

Like to go on double dates or in a group and the girls have to wear a certain way... I don't mind to change it up a little so they feel more comfortable... Im not afraid of being shunned.. Abu will ditch them in the parking lot.

Its about supporting a culture, friendship and family.

So if i wear a zebra print burka with pink highlights... Its not the same as Islam dress.. Yet... I'm still making an effort to appease a religious belief that i don't necessarily agree with...

That said I'm not into a burka... But something similar that's sheerer so i sont get too hot... Something similar to what some Hindu wear for special ceremonies.

Growing up in a melting pot of Earth... In NYC we spent A lot of nights sleeping in the Hindu's living room floor in piles of pillows and blankets and pizza. Chips and dip and soda, veggie plate me and gramma shared and the boys had to eat one of...

And we would watch 1 American movie like Ghost Busters or whatever was new and all the Hindu/India movies we wanted. A

Often times they weren't subtitled or in English. But we would watch and the gramma or the dad (they didn't have a nom either) would explain what was happening... A lot of times the boys would go out with my brothers and i would stay inside with the gramma and watch movies and ask her what they said, why their faces changed

Because the boys would understand the scene and they would make part of the movie themselves, like the TV extended to the living room floor and they would pantomime and act out and joke around about what they would do if they were there in the movie scene.

Usually I just watched... And handed supplies... The back drop wall flower watching the people I loved changing the movie scene they would want to have included in the movie each time we watched it...

I loved it

But i also wanted to know what we didn't see. What we missed by living. I wanted to see what was on the other side of the screen that wasn't paid attention to on those fun nights.

Gramma had difficulty with English and expression and sometimes she got embarrassed if it was a romantic scene... So i would go to the TV and point to the people and tell her what i thought they were doing in each scene.

So essentially while my own mother had been killed in front of me and all i could remember of her existence was blood splashing on the brown living room curtains...

This kind Hindu old lady without a daughter in law of her own that died in childbirth, delivering at home and only had grandsons... Taught me about life, relationships, life events, life expectations and expectancy.

I would skip school a lot to go hang out with her... Just not even go. She would open the door to let the boys out and see me and ask "school?" And i would shake my head no "not today"

Eventually my dad asked me why i hadn't been and told them i had to go to school... I would just sit outside her door all day until she went to laundry after lunch and thn i would follow her around the laundry mat downstairs in our apartment building.

So then she got to,walking us all to school... But she said it took too long,to,return home So she would ride her bike in the afternoon, tie it up to the bike rack and then walk us home... In the morning she would walk us to school and she would ride her bike home.

In the 4th grade my class had a window she would pass by to go to the bike rack and i would stand up and wait to see her go by.

She changed. She became leaner and softer and happier. She would let her hair down when she rode by on her bike. Literally letting it flow down behind her, for like miles... Then she would pin it right back up in a Chinese pin she called it.

She taught me about life. About living. And about surviving when even you yourself have no reason for continuing.

And although I was breaking the rules and she knew... She wouldn't let me in the house as she promised but if i helped her fold the laundry as she directed and helped her to twke them from rhe cart and hand the baskets to her frim the doorway she would tell me "you help me, i help you. Here is food" and she would give me lunch and a drink. And she would sometimes sit in the hallway floor with me and talk to me about the movie we watched AFTER school was let over and the boys were home. As my dad had said i could.

To me she wasn't an old lady with a red dot and Hindu clothing.

She was my very dear friend. Very close to my heart. To me, She had no age. She was as young as me, sometimes even younger but smarter. She told me all kinds of stories about her life in India, her son's life... All her children, her husband.

For me i was always in awe, mouth dropped at her tales, they were so beautiful and made her face change dramatically with her huge smiles or her eyes turning round and filling with tears...

Remember how i wrote she had a red dot that looked like felt glued down?

It was

That's exactly what it was.

But one summer it kept falling off. The summer after 3rd grade. The boys would be loud so she would say let's to go outside in the hall and talk.

And i had already caused a huge thing at school, predicting my friend Rose's death and having PTSD, having my 3rd grade teacher arrested as she was from China and would hit us with rulers and make us kneel in rice and peas (she killed herself in prison, she had a 2 year sentence) and so me hanging out with a Hindu lady... It was another story, another event for my file.

I remember a rather large black man would sit around the corner and listen. But she would say "he is spy, i cannot continue talking. It is not Chinese. It is not bad. I di nit want to go in But i do not feel comfortable. You tell me now about you"

"No way! I hate this shit!" So i confronted him. Over and over. Until finally she giggled and told me "invite him to conversate. Tell him sit in floor, like man But be handsome. But not too sexy no no no. He probably married anyway and I'm too old. But please hurry. I'm i get nervous"

"Oh please! Don't tell me! You're too old! You already have kids! You can't date!" I said veey loudly as i walked to the corner "up get -- HEY GET BACK HERE!!! SHE WANTS YOU TO SIT AND CONVERSATE!! don't be a dummy come on" i caught him nearmy running to,the staircase.

"Do you know how old i am? I'm nearly 40! You can't talk to me like that!"

"I can. I just did. Now please sit. Would you like something to drink? I can get you some kool-aid"

"What's she drinking?"

"Its gin"

"I would like some, too"

"What's gin?"

"Just go"

Finally i found what i knew gin was and i handed him a deck of cards.

I learned her tricks... When she's annoyed or uncomfortable or suspicious, she flirts. She acts like he's all over her and she's all flat drunk out... Y'all have seen me do them. The unlucky fall for them.

But he didn't and she was drinking water.

And he told her my story. The stories i hid. The stories i wish never happened. The stories i forbid to be spoken around me.

And i tuned my back to,them so they could not see me,cry or push my migraines away. And it continued for days. And she ran out of tissues and i had to use toilet paper for my nose.

Then her red dot, the eye of the God ran began to fall off her face, everyday. She got new glue. Stronger glue. And it will still fall.

So shr asked him "what is this? Why this fall?"

He said "if you ask me, She loves you and now you know you know what love is and you don't need that to protect you anymore"

"It is not to protect but to see"

"To look for love that i know about you Hindu. That is all you speak To her about. Its love. That i do know and now you know her pain and how much she needs you. You understand --- is that all you do us cry?"

"She speaks"

"You know what i want you to do is get that tattooed but in blue. Next time I come to see you, I'll bring a book i have been studying and i will show you, its perfectly acceptable to get a tattoo of it on your face,but an any color. Because you know why you identify eith her -- i mean why you are both friends with each other, is because you are both sad"

"She sad. I'm sad. So now I'm friends? With her, a small child? I am odd duck"

"Now now don't you smile, Sabrina don't you laugh at the old lady!"

"Shes funny! She's not ducking she's brave! And she's small not odd and she's sweet and even,you like her! You tell her to,get tattoo! You're strange if at all!" I blurted out... The first time I talked in weeks, it felt... In reality only about 5 days.

And so long conversations short... She used a blue pen to draw a star... As he said she was my star, my human North star, to help me find the light in life and she had came to me when my life was most darkest And i was extremely suicidal and had been caught trying to drown myself like umpteen times... Cause i wanted to die outside because it felt better than dying inside all stuffy and around people like Denise. And i wanted to drown in the river but someone always saw me. 8 years old and all... I had my desires in how to die. I wasn't stupid or mindless.

He said she had been given red as her felt dot, from a priest, because she had felt love. Still knew love, still wanted love and Still believed in it and Still looked for it.

But he said that sometimes the dot could change. It could change shapes, sizes and colors. And he said if her brain leaked out, it didn't leak love, it leaked sadness. So thus her permanent eye of ra should be blue. A light color blue not too dark because she allowed light and happiness to shine thru the tears of her world.

And that was what she had taught me... Once I learned the videos then I would interact with the TV... And the boys would watch and then we would all play along with what was on the either side of the screen and i taught them what i had learned from Granny Hindu.

She would watch us and cry. The dad would watch in shock and awe as his sons were finally being taught their native tounge and important parts of the movie and ceremonies. Sometimes he would cry.

Eventually he began wearing his Hindu traditional wear and they would get up and dance the traditional Hindu dance and teach us while we the the pillows and blankets up on the couch. And we would laugh

Of course my back would hurt easily and the boys, because of the dad, all eventually would pick me up and dance with me like i was a doll, then supporting my small amount of bony weight with their arms.

And the dad would do the granny..,her feet dangling at his knees would make me,laugh so heartily!!

The boys wouldn't pick me up so high... Mostly I would lean on their shoulders or elbows...

And so granny settled on blood sweat and tears as she realized it wasn't happiness she knew best but sadness.

And she got a light blue tear in the middle of her forehead, tattooed. And she would wear a jewel over it, shaped like a tear, as beautiful as ever. But sometimes she wore a larger than in the past, red felt circle over it... "I looked for love and i found it and it hid all my tears"

So of course I would dress myself and child subconsciously in Hindu like garb. And of course I would wear it when out with people of Islamic culture.

The tattoo shop which had done her light blue tear, eye of Earth had also shown hwr how to hand poke tattoos as is conventional in her home country of India. Although she had her ra in a professional tattoo gun.

The government spy man had arranged it for her. He also came to our weekend slumber parties, some times falling asleep after a long hard work day on the couch like a child and we would give him a blanket we ha from out massive pile and cover him. I would say "heres you a blankey" and usually he would take the corner with his massive black hand or sometimes just sigh, inhale nd exhale deeply. Usually me and the boys took turns to cover him.

Little children covering an over 6 foot tall almost 40 year old man.... Ages from 5 to 10...

Because that is what love is.

Sometimes he would start breakfast... After the first dozen times escaping in the night after catching up with his zzz's and we told,him if he was gonna,crash the slumber party with his big body probably breaking the couch with all his long bones and muscles then he needed to crash all the way and watch Saturday morning cartoons. Cause that was the best and breakfast in bed... Or the pile of blankets an sheets nd pillows like a nest for baby birds as we called it. That was the best part. After waking up woth friends we loved and understood when we felt most misunderstood in the world. Them being Hindu with a gramma with a red dot the tattoo in the middle of her forehead totally misunderstood was she a witch? Crazy? How old was she? 40? 100? And then us, watching our mother murdered, barely being able to remember her or just being able to,watch the blood spray md wonder and,cry where was our lovely mother? And the puking. The days and night of puking and puking from fear, disgust, worry and sadness. And still death seemed to follow us everywhere no matter how we predicted it or didn't or wanted it or didn't. Cared or didn't. Prayed or didn't. It was just there. Always there.

And so he would stay... Did we find him in granny bed above the covers cuddling fully clothed once or twice? Yea. And we decided it was better than Saturday morning cartoons and so we all silently munched cereal and watched them, sitting in her bedroom floor doorway... Until we feared they were dead and then I would whisper hey and he would jump awake from laying on her shoulder or sometimes boob/rib or gramma Hindu would slowly open her eyes and be in her little dreamlike state and the first few times was innocent "hey there's a man in your bed. That isn't s pillow laying on you" we would whisper

But there was that one time... That one time that she fully seduced him like the prowling cougar she is and it was a whole different Saturday morning when she clutched the blanket to,her chest and said "YOU KIDS GET OUT!!"

And I not understanding cried at her "Why are you acting Chinese!?!?! I'm not getting out until you explain!!!"

So i had to be explained that he was in his boxers and had been under the covers and they didn't want all the kids to see their privacy

And i said "Fine! I'll get out! But that's gross!!!"

Because at 8 thats what i believed.

"And you should have made breakfast or i wouldn't had known!!" And i spun on my heel and threw my hair in his face.

And Alex asked me "what's going on? I mean with them?"

"I can't talk about it" heavy slumped shoulders, neck aching "let's just watch TV that's better" he bugged on and on until i covered my head to avoid him and fall back asleep

But when i woke he asked again and i told him "they had sex"

And he called me a liar and herded all the boys to go ask.

And then they called me back to,the room so we could get an explanation

And I said "i don't want to hear all this shit. I know the birds and the bees. In and out it goes"

But he tried to talk to us about love...

But Alex threw up..

Because our mother's murderer whom used a chainsaw to her neck while we were all assembled to watch... Then said that exact same thing and had added "want to watch" as he raped our mom's nearly decapitated body.

He was right. Sadness would always exist because of love.

Well us kids didn't care about two consenting adults with their heads fully attached.. Unfortunately her son did and he was really an ass hole. Only caring about himself and his feelings, then put in for a transfer to move across country to get his 60 year old cougar momma away from a early 40 year old kitten...

Destroying his son's lives in the process... And ours... And even his own happiness

Instead of allowing his mother freedom to love.

But before all this the young thug kitten only looking for one thing So said the father, an alley cat, he was allowed gramma Hindu to hand poke a tattoo on his right toe. An S. With an astrick just tucked inside the bottom tail.

"Samaria"

That was Grandma Hindus name.

She gave herself the one i drew above... An S for Sabrina for helping her find Samaria again And of course the S for herself as well.. And two stars... One for the one we could see in her in the bottom and the other to honor the stars she could see... And she told me one for me and one for her for our friendship. And the F next to Because they were so most important to her... The F did get bigger over time and eventually became the same,size as the S as her family evolved and changed...

I suppose the story is true. She handpoked white in the "standing leg" of the F to represent the Father, her son of the family in anger because of the move.

She could have stabbed him to death. I would not had blamed her.

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fyrapartnersearch · 4 years

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HxH and Inazuma eleven nostalgia

Hi! Welcome to my partner search. Before going into detail I'll explain "my rules", I know it's a boring part but it helps us both to know if we are compatible. I roleplay mainly on Discord/ e-mail, with the first contact being on this e-mail: [email protected] - I prefer to roleplay with +18 people, I'm uncomfortable roleplaying with minors. -Quantity. I've been told that I'm on the literate side, but I know that sometimes one doesn't have the energy or just not enough to work to make a +1000 words post. So Quality> Quantity but please give me something to work with (my "lazy/small" usual is around 600 words per character I guess, if you need numbers. And again, if I have something to work with). You get stuck? Let's talk about it. I'm also here for the long term. - Doubling is required. I like to play both Canon and OC (CanonxOC trash here) and I intend to keep doing it. At least in this fandom. Do you want to play a canon for me? Please tell me you have a canon you want me to play against your OC. I get easily bored when I don't get to play more than one main character, and I like to build different kind of relationships (friendships, rivalries...and I'm talking bewteen the OCs, the Canons, both...) on my RPs, so I expect you to like, like me, playing multiple characters (it can be summarize in having two mains and then the others being like NPCs to build the scenes that we share). And I prefer to double with a male canon character usually. Why? I don't know to be honest but that is how it works for me, I guess it's because I grew up roleplaying like that?. This should be a given, but EQUAL EFFORT ON BOTH CHARACTERS, I love coming up with ideas for my partner's wanted canons and.... it's a bit sad when you're the only one who seems to be enjoying doubling (I know there are lots of people who said "I double!" but only to "make it fair" and "get their canon". Most of the time they don't even enjoy doubling, and well I can understand how desperate they could be for their fandom/canon but if that's your mindset we aren't really compatible). IF YOU DON'T DOUBLE/ DON'T LIKE IT DON'T FORCE YOURSELF, just keep going, I'm sure you'll find someone interested in playing your canon! -About OCs.... I used to accept any kind of OC but I've gotten tired of Mary Sues and all angst kind of characters. I know, it doesn't mean your OC is bad, but bear with me, I've had enough with those characters. This doesn't mean that your character can't have a sad story or that they need to have a friendly personality. The problem is when the only thing they do is a constant monologue about their tragic past and they never move the story forward. It gets boring. I want to be hyped about your OC! Choose songs, pinterest boards... -MxF is what I'm looking for in mains (playing both male - the canon - and female - the OC -). I don’t roleplay F// and M// pairings with partners I haven’t roleplayed with before. -Let's both contribute to the story. Maybe one has more ideas one day, or one suffers writers block, or one wants to surprise the other with a plot twist... but let's work/move the story together yeah? I also prefer if we use both 3rd person, it can be present or past, as you prefer, but 1st is a bit difficult to read and write for me. -When it comes to romance , love at first sight isn't my thing, I usually go with the slow burn/ "organic" path . Maybe you're more impatient, it's ok (besides, having crushes it's normal, not anything new or surreal), I don't mind speeding up things a little, but not just saying hi to each other and wanting to marry instantly. I like to keep the main genre of the series and focus on our character's development more than having romance as the only focus too. - Don't feel forced to answer everyday. I can't stress this enough. This a hobby, not a job. Even if I answer at the speed of light one day I'm not expecting that from you. There will be times that I won't be able to answer for days, life comes first. And I like OOC chit chat , share all your memes, silly headcanons, and feel free to chat with me even if you haven't replied to the RP. I've seen some people hiding that they are online to not be pressured about their RPs. I won't pressure you! -I'm very ditch friendly. At first I thought that people that were selective were just being a bit annoying/ hypocrites, but after roleplaying for around 10 years you get their point. I want to feel comfortable with what you write and I want YOU to feel comfortable with what I write. There is no need for hard feelings! No need to make an excuse too, just say ''Hey, let's just drop this'' and I'll be ''Ok, I'll keep searching then''. Ah, and I don't close my searches until I'm fully plotting with someone, like characters already been shared and all of that. When I find a partner I think will stay and that I feel confident about, I'll put the roleplay request on hold and lately if everything goes fine I'll close it. I think that those are the basic rules. I have triggerings and so but I think I prefer to talk about those matters with someone already interested in roleplaying. Now, the fandoms (Aged up friendly, since these fandoms have children on it, anything that goes beyond an innocent crush // holding hands, kiss on the cheek, you get me // is reserved for +18 characters. They may be super powerful and stronger than adults - at least in HxH -, but they are still children). Usually I'm open to try new canons, but I'm afraid that due to time limitations I'm only interested in playing the characters I have played before/ I feel more comfortable playing as when it comes to HxH. I'm also super open and I love to be honest, to do like an age progression. For example make an arc longer so the characters start to age up and as such face the consequences of growing and becoming adults. I think it's interesting. HunterxHunter I've watched the 2011 and the...1998? Anime, plus read the manga (I'm not up to date, I left in one of the.... endless hiatus - no shade to the mangaka btw, health and so comes first -, but if you're interested in knowing when I left it, ask, since I don't want to put spoilers here). The character I'm searching to play against is Killua. (Sue me. I made an OC and I felt like him and her could have an interesting dynamic.) Characters I'm comfortable playing as/ I've played before are: Leorio (love him), Kurapika (love him too), Gon (my son at this point) and Shalnark (had a good time playing him tbh, better than I had expected). Again, don't ask me to try different canons, I'm afraid that this time I'm not open for it.

Inazuma Eleven

There are so many characters in this series! But I'm mostly familiar with those appearing on the first season (Axel and Mark's age range). I'm searching to play against Haruya Nagumo, since the Alien arc was by fart my favorite one, and I'm open to try many canons for you ^^. I'm more inclined to age up the characters in this fandom from the beginning.

Important note regarding canon characters. Everyone. Has. Their. Own. Approach. When. It. Comes. To. Canons. I'm not here to be like "I'm going to check every single time that you follow the canon perfectly! And if you don't guess what I have in mind for them I'll riot!" Not only that but as we roleplay the canon character may change because they may have different experiences from the canon source! That being said, if you for example, give me a Bakugou Katsuki (just you know, a quick example now that BNHA is pretty popular), that isn't an ass, or turns into a cheesy character in like 3 interactions, yeah, I'm going to be like "... What are you doing?". Share your headcanons! Your vision of the canon! I try to do the same so I don't end up with an uncomfortable partner, or uncomfortable myself! Thanks for reading and have a nice day! Btw it gets pretty obvious when someone doesn't read the rules, and I'm a bit tired of it to be honest. Yeah I highlighted the most important info, but just for you to have a way to quick check everything if at some point you forget about a rule or are having doubts about it. Not to fully skip everything. Ah! And this is also a copy paste of my old rules, so if you see something weird, like me referring to several fandoms when in reality I'm just searching for one, I'm sorry. I didn't want to repeat all my rules from 0 and I just copy pasted and edited some parts.

#multiple paragraph #para #long term #email #submission

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