#when i feel anxious i work on lore and dissociate 🥴

[saevus-brutalis]

oc interview questions —

██-██ 2077 lead interviewer: [REDACTED] >> main video file corrupted [̲̅███_̲̅_̲̅] 30% partial reconstruction complete. wasn't tagged by anyone but it looked fun so 😌

Name?

V. [The interviewer leans forward, gesticulating for him to continue.] Just V.

Are you single? 

[He rises an eyebrow, clearly not amused. It seems like he was expecting that question.] Yes, but don’t get your hopes up. I’m not interested.

Are you happy? 

Point me to someone that is. But no, can't say that I am.

Are you angry?

[Shrugs] It's a well-known feeling to me. Used to experience it more commonly in the past. There are a lot of things to be angry about. The state of this shithole, ever-rising rent prices, crappy food, even crappier people…

Interviewer: And are you angry right now?

Trust me, you don't want to find out.

Are your parents still married?

[Silence, dark eyes dart to the side, jaw appears to be clenched.] No. Hard to be married if you’re dead. [He shrugs, acting nonchalant.] She never took his last time, didn’t want to be tied down like a dog on a leash. Good for her, honestly. Think she wanted to file for a divorce, too. She was just too late.

Interviewer: Let's start with some basics.

Birthplace?  

Here.

Interviewer: Here?

[Sighs] Night City, born and bred. Grew up here, probably will die here. Corpo Plaza was my playground, not an idea place to rise a kid, but where, here, is really? Haywood was my true training ground. I’ve lived all over - different neighborhoods, states, countries, different military camps. Yet I always find myself back here, back in NC.

Hair color?

Black. All natural. Started graying like 8 years ago maybe, used to try and dye them to hide it, but I gave up after a year or two. Couldn’t be fucking bothered, really. Besides, I’ve heard people were into silver foxes these days.

Eye color?

Used to be green. Had my mother’s eyes. Beautiful shade, people always complimented her. Me too if I’m being honest, always ignored them though. Sometimes I regret ever getting optics. But I had to, it was in the job description. Now I can’t imagine having ‘ganic ones. And I don’t think I could bare her looking back at me every time I stare in the mirror to shave.

Birth day?

November 12th, you can tell I’m a scorpio.

Interviewer: And what year were you born?

2019. Just before the Fourth Corp Wars. Weird times, but I can’t really remember shit aside from the red sky. Put my childhood way behind me. Stopped celebrating my birthday a long time ago too. No one to celebrate with either, aside a handful of friends, but it’s only just beer at my place anyway.

Mood?

Indifferent. Tired, mostly. Nothing a good hookup can’t fix.

Gender?

Born male, identify as a man. It’s not something I really questioned ever. Always have been comfortable with my body and masculinity. Never lost touch with my feminine side though, [He gestures at his painted nails, silver jewelry, piercings, and smudged eye makeup] guess I got it from my ma.

Summer or winter?

Winter, full stop. Ever seen snow? Best shit ever. Too bad it never snows here. Sometimes I wish I stayed on that mountain and never came back. I’d rather freeze there than sweat my balls off in the summer in Cali. Funny, considering I still live here and don’t plan on moving any time soon.

Morning or afternoon?

Early mornings beat everything. Before the sun even rises. It’s calm, quiet, everyone’s still asleep. It’s when I feel the most rested, even when I haven’t slept the whole night. Yoga sesh on the balcony during the sunrise gotta be the best way to start your day.

Interviewer: Not, let's get a little bit more personal. Some listeners are dying to know these questions.

Are you in love?

Yeah. After forty years still am. It’s mostly repressed by now. ‘m trying not to think about that.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Yeah. Fell victim to it four decades ago. It sucks, hurts when shit doesn’t go your way and I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone, but fuck if it isn’t the best fucking feeling ever in the beginning stage.

Who ended your last relationship? 

We both did. ‘‘twas a mutual decision. We split on good terms. Still got his number on speed dial. We don’t talk much these days, too busy, proud, or butthurt over the whole situation. But we’re still friends, yeah.

Are you afraid of commitments?

Again, who isn’t? Hard to trust people these days, in my line of work especially. Too many secrets, too many money-hungry people willing to take advantage and sell you out for a quick buck. Takes too much time too, committing to someone I mean. If we haven’t known each other for at least a full year I don’t trust you enough to have my number. With some exceptions, of course.

Have you hugged someone within the last week?

Yeah, my friend and ripper. We served two tours together, guy’s been having a rough time lately. Came over with a couple of beers, then couple of beers turned into more beers, and you know what intoxication does to people. Don’t regret it, seemed like both of us needed it.

Have you ever had a secret admirer?

People aren’t too secretive about being a fan - or rather an admirer as you called them - of me online, that’s for sure. Can you believe they’ve made a forum dedicated to me? Yeah, me neither. I don’t know why these kids choose to spend their free time documenting my life, achievements, writing down every piece of clothing I wore and what’s my coffee order, but as long as it’s something as innocent as that I don’t really mind. I don’t have it as bad as some BD stars, I hope at least. Some of the candid pictures they take of me look really good I can give them that. And don’t even get me started about video edits I’ve seen resurface here and there.

Once I had someone send me a package to my private home address, no idea how they found it, glad it was the only instance and it never happened again. If anything I value my privacy and I rather not have an obsessive stalker sending me love letters. Online forums? Be my guest, but don’t go digging too deep, I know my fair share of netrunners.

Have you ever broken your own heart?

Yeah. It was a choice. A stupid one. I could’ve avoided it, but I was young and dumb, a scared nineteen year old. But what’s past is past. Hard to tell if I ever recover but you gotta move forward. I wouldn’t have gotten this far had I been stuck dwelling on the past. There’s not a day I don’t regret doing what I did, the broken heart is very much deserved.

Interviewer: Okay, that was intense. Let's cool off with some light 'this or that' questions.

Love or lust?  

Love, easy. I’m too old to rely on lust, learned that the hard way. In short: been there, done that. All of my hookups were fueled by lust, there was no love there. You can only enjoy lustful relationships so long before it starts wearing you down. It fades quickly, doesn’t fulfill you, makes you feel empty.

Lemonade or iced tea?

Iced tea. It’s the closest thing to iced coffee. And you can always add lemon to your tea. So many types of tea too. Lemonade is too plain and most of the synth stuff tastes like ass anyway.

Cats or dogs?

Cats. Don’t get me wrong I love my dog, love going on a run with him, but I’ve always been a cat person, would choose to reincarnate as one, a black panther perhaps? They seem to like me too, while some dogs snarl and bark. People say I give off tiger vibes, maybe that’s what I was in my past life.

A few best friends or many regular friends? 

A few best friends. You can never be too careful picking who you choose to hang out with, trust enough to lower your guard. Too many fake people, all too eager to stab you in the back when you’re least expecting it. Lived long enough to know, when it comes to people - the less is better.

Wild night out or romantic night in?

Mix of both you can say. My job gives me enough wildness as is. In NC everything happens fast, so a chill night in is a nice change of pace. It’s more private too. But I won’t say no to blowing shit up in the air or wild chases with the cops - that’s what a good night out is, right?

Day or night?

Night. There’s a reason I’ve stayed in NC as long as I did - it’s the city lights. There ain’t nothing more beautiful than Nigh City, well… at night. The air is cooler, you can’t see the grime and smog, only the neon lights. It’s when the freaks come out, it’s when you can get your hands on the best food, best drugs, best guns. Nighttime here has its charm and it definitely charmed me.

Interview: Now for the classics. Have you ever...

Been caught sneaking out?

When I still lived with my dad, sure, a couple of times. It was my stepmom who would always catch me, my dad more rarely, he was out of the house most of the time, always working late shifts. Chalice she… Was always home, monitoring me ever since she moved in. It was hard in the beginning but once I had figured out her schedule it was much easier to sneak out, especially at night.

When I was in boarding school maybe once or twice, but never again after that. It’s where I mastered the art of not getting caught. And as you can see - it worked, I’m still here.

Fallen down/up the stairs?

My room was downstairs, never had any reason to go up to my parents' bedroom, especially after my mom passed. Definitely did when I was a kid, now not really. I trip sometimes over my cat when walking down the stairs but never fall down. The artificially boosted reflexes are a lifesaver.

Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt?

Someone, rather than something. Nowadays if I want something I just get it and if I can’t, I get over it. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be mine. But I did, I did want someone bad, still do. And yes, it still hurts.

Wanted to disappear?

More times than I can recall. It’s a constant thought, something I’m going over with my counsellor every now and again. I did disappear for a few years back in 2046 - went totally off the radar. It wasn’t planned or anything. Pretty sure I was pronounced legally dead by the time I came back in 2051. Sometimes I do wish to leave, have any trace of me wiped, I feel like I’ve done enough damage here.

Interviewer: Now, for those who still have their hopes up, despite you saying you’re not looking for a relationship. Tell me…

Smile or eyes?

Smile. The eyes can be changed, switched and swapped. Too many Kiroshi models available on the market to count.

Shorter or taller? 

Pretty much everyone is shorter than me. I prefer people close to my size. As long as I don’t have to physically bend to be on the head level with someone, its alright. However I do prefer tall people, someone I can look in the eyes.

Intelligence or attraction?

It’s all about vibes, man. I can be into a dumb hot himbo as much as into a mildly attractive genius, babbling about quantum physics like it’s his entire personality. If the conversation’s flowing and you’ve piqued my interest I don’t care for neither, as long as the sex is good.

Hook-up or relationship?

Both, neither. Hookups get the job done. It’s nice while it lasts. Clouds work for me too, it’s just a transaction, no feelings, zero expectations. Relationships on the other hand - I got burned too many times. Been in two serious ones and I don’t think I have the strength for another one. Not for a while at least.

Interviewer: You don't talk much about your family, do you? Mind if I ask you a few questions about them?

Do you and your family get along?

No. I’ve gone no contact since I got my first job and moved out at 21. It’s not like they bothered to reach out either. Dad died in ‘69. Wasn’t welcomed to his funeral but I went anyway, wanted to see the dead bastard one last time. He’s still out there somewhere, copied his psyche onto a shard; some corps have him stashed away behind sealed doors.

Was never close with my dad’s side of the family, definitely wasn’t close with his latest spouse. Never knew my grandparents or my mom’s cousins, all lived in Geneva, not once have they visited the States. My mom’s older brother on the other hand - the black sheep of the family - met him a few times, we don’t keep in contact however. He shut down after her death, scurrying off to the Badlands, cooking skiff is his trailer. He’s alright, one last person I can call family, really. Besides my stepsister. She’s the only person I truly get along with, only family member I care for. Never knew I had a sister until she turned 7. We keep in contact daily.

Would you say you have a “messed up life”?

Yes. Definitely. Climbing to the top of the food chain takes a lot of sacrifices. Still question if it all was worth it.

Have you ever run away from home?

Yeah. Went through my rebel teenage era, running away for a few day and crashing at my friend’s house or my then-boyfriend’s camp. I would do and go anywhere to just be out of the house. I was a total edge-lord back then.

Have you ever gotten kicked out?

Technically yes, by my dad when he sent me away to the boarding school. But no, not really.

Interviewer: What about your friends? Even a dangerous veteran solo like yourself must have someone to drink beers with.

Do you secretly hate one of your friends?

A part of me hates a some part of them. I think it’s only normal. But no, why would I be friends with someone I hate.

Do you consider all of your friends good friends? 

Sure, most of them yeah. We’re all totally different people with different goals and ambitions, but they stuck long enough to be considered good friends.

Who is your best friend? 

Was. Mickey. Miss the bastard every day, I carry his dog tag with me at all times. Rache is next line even if we don’t talk much. I guess the military can really bond two people together.

Who knows everything about you?

No one. I guess I tell Felix a lot of stuff, but there are a lot of gaps I keep to myself. Rogue claims to know everything about me, found my real birth certificate after all, but even she can’t know the whole story. No one, but the people involved, know what happened between 2046 and 2051. And I plan on keeping it that way.