#when i first got it i didnt have the remote right so i couldnt plug it in and make sure that it worked but i did just plug it into an outle

[apathyfairy]

last year i found a wii at goodwill for 25 dollars and it came with everything except a wiimote but it was in such good condition i was like hell yeah ill take it how hard can it be to find a wiimote. the answer is it's nearly impossible to find them at thrift stores now so i've spent like 8 months looking for ones in thrift stores but there wasn't a single one and then online but i just couldn't bring myself to spend 30 dollars on one single wiimote so i waited so. patiently. and then 2 weeks ago i finally found one at goodwill for 9 dollars but it was absolutely disgusting and the battery cover was missing and the compartment was all corroded so i put it back and regretted it the whole week but then this last weekend i went to savers and there was an absolutely perfect wiimote just sitting there with no corrosion and a jacket and the wrist strap and motion plus and the nunchuck was there too and i got it all for 10 dollars so the moral of the story is that sometimes things seem right for you in the moment but you have to recognize that they aren't and leave them behind so the things that are meant for you will in fact find you when the time is right. peace and love <3

[planetsolaris]

*lays on my stomach, kicking my feet and twirling the phone cord* tell me about your blorbos

[plugs in my earbuds, puts on music and cracks knuckles] HERE WE GO LETS DO THIS THING this is going to be the longest post i ever write so please bare with me. also this wont be coherent

ok first: spoilers for All of final space. blue you can read this when we watch it together and also ashc*to shippers if you even come near this post nobody will find your body okay lets start

now. ash graven. i am the ash expert no one understands her like i do (real) lets start off with her. she is the Least open person in like the entire universe. like her first instinct upon meeting people is being as unwelcoming as possible (whether it is on purpose or not) which is totally because every single person in her life except for little cato has dehumanized her like you couldnt believe and she feels unloveable and dangerous and like she's always been surrounded by people either older than her (her brother fox) or just completley unapproachable (her shithead dad). so naturally she meets this boy a couple years younger than her and shes like. okay cool. how long till i fuck this up

the answer is like less than two hours within knowing him she randomly spats out that she likes him. which i dont think is remotely romantic el oh el this girl does not know how to interact with people naturally whoever interprets this as romantic can go to hell actually

and like. yeah. she is horrible at first impressions and pretty much everyone is either 1. scared of her or 2. finds her weird as hell. ALL EXCEPT FOR MY MAN LITTLE CATO

its worth noting that little cato is a literal ANGEL and he's kind and friendly with everyone and i LOOOOVE him for it. but it is so so so so important how nice he is to her specifically actually. yeah he starts off defensive because she kinda calls him a Pet and tells him to shush but ill say it again: do you think this girl has any idea how to talk normally to people. i get the feeling he quickly realizes that she doesnt mean any harm and is just. weird. like. Hi I Made This Doll Out Of Your Hair No It Doesn't Matter How I Got It weird.

it is SOOO obvious that she clings onto whoever is slightly nice to her Forever. he smiles at her once(1) and shes like okay this is going to be my new best friend for the rest of my life. and like i talk so much about how she loves him more than anything but never how !!! he does as well !!!!!! example.

as soon as she Thinks about having to go back to serepentis (place where she got unbelievably traumatized by watching her little sister Die im gonna get to that) she goes crazy and yells at everyone how she is Not going back there. i dont wanna throw gary under the bus but thats exactly what im gonna do right now. he tries to convince her for Two seconds (never trying to comfort her) and then gives up and tells little cato to try instead. now this single line is so important (im not insane) because the idea that gary went "she'll definitely talk to YOU" makes me feel like everyone kinda knew they were close (time in this show is weird but i believe they were already friends off screen fight me). but anyway little cato instead tells her "hey you dont have to answer but wanna talk about what happened" and she immediatly dumps it all on him. he knows her !!! and if he didnt know her at this point he knew enough about loss and grief to know this is what she needed to hear !!because he too saw a family member he loved so much die and feels like its his fault !!!! this is so important !!!!!!!

i can go on about the serepentis episode for ages and the fucking Scene at the end of said episode where he goes to talk to her because she went through Stuff in that episode and how he listens to her and makes her laugh and how this was the moment that sealed their friendship forever and and and. im gonna go off about how he reminds her of her dead sister instead

we dont know shit about harp but i choose to believe she was ash's baby sister because Fight Me. its not a coincidence that they had THEE bonding scene right after the episode we learn about harp. ash missed having a little sibling and she clearly trusted harp more than anyone and little cato made her feel like that again. he made her feel like someone loved her again. she had seen her baby sister dead in front of her yelling that she was gone and then ran after him right away like Come On. dont even get me started on how he understands her pain more than anyone in the team squad. his father died in front of his eyes because of a trap he unknowlingly helped set up, and a bomb that should've killed little cato. ash feels like she should've been surrendered instead of harp, or at the very least use her recently aqquired powers to save her. they both blame themselves for something that was really unavoidable. trauma bonding, yay!! this is a tiny detail and i dont think the storyboarders thought about this when they added it in, but when little cato is talking about how hes willing to make the time switch thingy so his dad can live, the camera focuses on her for a second and she looks concerned. she knows how he feels you guys. she knows why hes saying what hes saying because she'd do the same thing for her sis.

anyway season 2 doesnt really give them any other big moments but i overanalyze every second theyre on screen. from the grand surrender onwards nearly everytime theyre in the same screen theyre next to each other, i think ash feels safe around him and hes aware, so they kinda naturally go towards each other. i might be insane but i remember ash looking to his direction when she talks sometimes as if shes looking for approval. love wins <333

ok i need to move on or im gonna be here forever i have an entire season left

season 3 was like designed so i would go insane about it. like olan was in the writers room like el oh el lets make ash and little cato have these horrifying arcs that then link to each other so they can suffer together. that sounds like itll hurt red.

but anyway. to me it feels like the entire time theyre in final space (hell dimension) they leaned on each other. sure, little cato got a month to be with his recently revived father, but avocato was also going through shit, and couldnt relate to a lot of the things that happened to his son while he was gone. so what does little cato do? goes to ash. ash, on the other hand, was like having the worst time of her life. her father just ran away on them, she still had her big brother but it never felt like they could connect on a lot of the stuff that happened to her, what does she do? you will never fucking guess. this is all off screen btw trust me olan told me.

in this season they both go through horrible shit. ash finds out shes kinda like the daughter of this disembodied space demon and shes doomed to becoming as evil as it. she loses her brother, the one person she still had left. little cato finds out his "father" killed the king and queen of their home planet and never told him. ill get to the quotation marks in a bit.

ash is manipulated and used for this entire season, while little cato slowly drifts away from his dad. shes forced by gary to abandon her big brother. she FEELS invictus calling her, he grows concerned. when she goes into that black hole to look for answers, he desperately yells for her through the windows of the ship. when she comes back from receiving the "gift" from invictus hes the first person she goes to. the only person she SMILES at. shes changed, shes been forced to grow up but she still trusts him. she knows he wont freak out, she knows she can talk to him. little cato knows that hes the only one in the team squad who will, at this point, now that fox is gone. he is the only one she has left. he tries to protect her from the others, telling his dads not to freak out when they see her. OUGH i cant form a coherent thought about this its just. god. she clings onto him for this entire part of the season because she cannot afford to lose him. her reasons to stay on the team squad's side start to slowly fade away until she only has him.

and then she overhears gary and avocato talking about little cato's real parents. about how avocato killed them, about how hes been lying to his so called "son" this entire time. this is her last straw. she decides that hes safer with her. HE is her only priority. she HAS to protect him, what is she left with if she doesnt? hes the only one thats ever been cared about her.

so that scene was the worst thing that ever happened to me. little cato sees her in the midst of a mental breakdown and he calmly tells her that he thinks shes losing it, that shes scaring him. he NEVER gets angry or defensive not even when she tells him the truth mind you. do you think they wrote this scene thinking i would overthink it for the rest of my life. she takes him away because she loses grasp of whats rational and needs him around. to me it never felt like little cato wanted to leave her behind, he was "rescued" by his dads but he never seemed to antagonize her like the others did. he gave her the benefit of the doubt till the very end because he knew shed never lie or hurt him on purpose. i dont think he ever realized she was so important to him actually. he trusted her and tried his best to help her through invictus' control, but at the end of the day there was nothing he could do.

now if adult swim werent cowards and the show had a fourth season, i strongly believe little cato would've gone through the realization that maybe he needed her as much as she needed him and he would've been the one to still believe in her and convince the team squad to give her another chance. because he loves her and she loves him and they had the strongest relationship in the series right after gary and avocato dont @ me i know im right

anyway that was every single thought i have on their relationship i am eternally sorry for how long this is and how i could honestly go on [passes out on the post button]

[alissabila]

[1] 4 sept - self journal

The day started just about as normal as usual, woke up late, had a shower race, came up to class late without forgetting to show exhaustion while the day just even started. And yes that's my kind of normal. I don't know how to describe my day again but everything went very similar like any other day. Maybe the interesting part was the cultural landscape preservation subject, we discussed about the legal aspects of cultural heritage, the unesco and regulations stuffs, it was always interesting when it comes to united nations but legal aspect was never been in my concern.

Talking about my mood today, lately i've been feeling very empty and lost. I'm not trying to be hyperbolic but lately it feels like im drowning in the thick black sea where the oil has leaked, and the water is slimy and oily (maybe?) and you can't breathe as the black oil got into your mouth and started filling your throat then probably your lung and all happend while you drowning. You can't do nothing and you're being eaten up. It's not a new feeling. I've been here. So many times. Yet i still don't know how do i deal with it. I was just "and yep here we go again, this phase again". In the current moment, i have a lot to do, like real lots. Let's do a recall to every places I put myself into: AIESEC, TEDXIPB, Faculty competition, Himpro, uncountable amount of landscape tasks, and many other things that should be done but I didn't keep it in mind. This phase had taken me to the highest level of not being productive. I completely conscious about my responsibility, that i already in the best platform i could have, but IT'S JUST STOPPED ME LIKE THAT. I JUST COULDN'T DO IT AND IT DIDN'T NEED ANY PRECISE REASON. I hate that i had to say that i don't feel alive.

Long classes and time passed, i skipped short film competition session, like i said before, i just couldnt do it. And i really mean it. Out of nowhere, i didnt remember how it happened, but i ended sitting with Abi and started to talk about everything, in literal meaning. Everything. Then he just randomly shouted "NGOPI YUUK" without even really proposing. But i was like, yes lets go now please its been a long time since my last caffeine. And we agreed to try the new coffeeshop behind the campus, it seems interesting because the landform is hilly and the coffeeshop is in the down so you could only see the parking lot from the road. Who knew they had marijuana plantation down there? Lol ok kidding its haram.

We took our laptops, in case we had the drive to finish our site plan task and just go without hesitation. I always been wondering how the coffeeshop looks like because it's pretty much in remote area i might say? Well i didn't expect much actually, then again it's only Dramaga how good can it be? (I am truly sorry for the deprecation i swear the next paragraph would be filled with praise)

As I said before, it had this 'not very normal land contour', we needed to go down a very steep road to reach the parking lot. Next, there was a small wooden gate, very traditional and there our feet started to walk down the ramp, it was pretty steep for a ramp but they had this natural stones with much textures so it didnt feel slippery. Down and down and down, we walked to a small path with very natural and organic shaped stone, they didnt really make it as a strict lined path that has all the stones to step along the path, and they didnt really cut the vegetations around no matter how wild and messy it is. And i found this really good. Along the stone path, i could see the view of a green space with some industrial table and chair. On the right side, there set a small traditional wooden terrace, with it's coffee roasting machine, industrial chairs again (you know that type of metal chair), some really retro chair as well really retro colors, some coffee tables were a recycled sewing machine wow so you got to play with the pedal HAHA. fun fun thing. Before reaching the coffeshop area, you would find this mini pedestrian bridge crossing a small water stream. All i could say all of these are beyond expectation, i really love what i'm seeing. Other thing that amused me was, the river was just next to all of it and i really loved the sound of water it always gave me calm I couldn't have from anything. They had this backyard of traditional house feelings and yet they served natural landscape scene. I could smell the wet grass, I could smell the wooden house construction, I could smell the coffee being roasted, I could see how they managed to not destroy the existing landscape as much as they can, I could hear the water having it's rhythm, and I could hear all these people having an intimate discussion, and all i could think is all my senses had been blessed. They also had this vintage shelf with vintage things, that vintage metal coffee cups, bamboo walled toilets, aaaa im in love with everything here it's like the owner really put his soul into this. At some point i felt grateful for this place, and by that i felt alive again at least for this moment. This could be my very short escape from all the dullness in life (I'm really trying not to be hyperbolic but I am who I am). One thing i also realized was; to be grateful, it doesn't have to be ourself as the main character in it, it doesn't have to be our destiny, and it doesn't have to be our story. One serene coffeeshop could make it work,and other peculiar thing also could work, maybe we just need to be more detail to what's around us. This place reminded me a lot of Bandung. Which I also very grateful, now i can get Bandung vibes in hand. As the night came, the place got more quiet that it enhanced the sound of the river, added by the frog sounds and the buzz of night insects. This night was cold but somehow what surrounds me, the yellowish lighting, all the chit chat with Abi, gave me warmth. Cold night with a warm heart.

Shitty stuff still happened tho, it took forever for my laptop to install the autocad and i couldn't find the keygen for cracking the app because my brokeass couldn't afford the legal one. I decided to continue my read on Haruki Murakami's Kafka on the Shore. It's my second book of Murakami. It's only been chapter two but i already highlighted a lot haha. To end this very first self journal, I would present my today's favorite quote from Kafka on the Shore. Ciao.

"Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn’t something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn’t get in, and walk through it, step by step. There’s no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That’s the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine."