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#when im not busy im too tired to do anything
descendantsramblings · 13 hours
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Im gonna join the Morgie Male reader fans and also request something xD
Please consider writing a story where Male reader and Morgie are dating but Morgie is just always talking about Uliana and constantly trying to impress her etc and Reader feels unvalued and like Morgie is actually in love with uliana and not him so drama i guess
I like hurting myself as you can guess 🙂
-emil
Let’s not enjoy that!!!! But no I love some good angst; I’ve got you. You’re always welcome in my inbox sugar 💛
Second Place
Morgie le Fay x Reader
Pronouns used: he/him/his
Summary: just once he wants to feel like he’s not his boyfriend’s second choice
Warnings: angst, underage drinking (depending on where you are ig), Morgie isn't purposely a bad boyfriend he's just stupid. Pet names, Bestie Hades and Hook because the boys gotta stick together
Word Count: 2.3K
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    His fingertips brush over different silks and starched cottons as he follows his boyfriend around the store, barely paying attention to dress shirts around him. How could he? How could the boy ever focus on the task at hand when all it did was ground his insecurities into his bones? Morgie is taking the lead as he walks through the store, occasionally lifting different button ups to feel them. Ones that seem to pique his interest led to him holding them against his chest, raising a brow to his boyfriend to silently ask his opinion. And (Y/n) does his best to respond, though it comes out more as hums and silent nods than true responses. His heart isn’t in this, he can’t focus on something like this. It is so incredibly obvious that he doesn’t want to be here, and maybe if Morgie would actually look at him instead of through him, the boy might notice. He won’t though, lord knows the sorcerer doesn’t have the time to care. Not when his task at hand is so dire. Uliana’s birthday party is only a week away, how could he think about anything but making sure it’s perfect?
   Obviously Morgie can’t look a mess, he just has to be in something new. And the gift has to just be perfect, he has to outshine everyone. Of course he does, he always does. Uliana was the sun in his solar system, and (Y/n) was barely even the tides that the moon was occupied with pulling. How could Morgie ever remember to pull the tides when he was so busy reflecting the light of the sun? How could he dare to wear something the sea witch has seen already when her eighteenth birthday was such a big deal? “Babe, you are being extremely unhelpful right now,” Morgie grumbles the words as he’s putting an honestly kind of atrocious golden silk shirt down. He’s turning away from his lover, venturing even further into the store. “Sorry, I’m just kind of tired. Didn’t sleep well,” his voice is far off to the sorcerer though, the boy too wrapped up in his own world to pay attention to a word that falls off of his fellow villain’s lips. “Once we find the right shirt we can go.” (Y/n) sighs, giving the boy a curt nod that he doesn’t even see. They’d been out shopping for four hours now, the bags in his arms were surely going to cut off his circulation soon and Morgie was still just as tuned into what he was doing as he was when they left the dorms. 
   They were supposed to see that new Nightmare on Elm Street sequel that (Y/n) had been dying to see, but now there would only be one showing left until the mall closed and it started in twenty minutes. He guesses he can kiss that plan goodbye, why would what he wants matter when Uliana was in the frame. He always fell behind her in Morgie’s priority list, he should have known that. Why would he dare to ask his boyfriend out this soon to Uliana’s “most important birthday yet”? He should have known better. The early weeks of November always took to Morgie being far more engrossed in his friend than his partner, he should have known better. 
    “Babe, can you please at least give me a color option? I’m drowning in options here!” He spares (Y/n) a look over his shoulder as he speaks, reaching back to grab his boyfriend’s hand to keep him behind him. “Go green, Uliana wears some green too,” the snarky tone has Morgie’s brows furrowing. If he looked back he’d see the way that he was shaking his head as he talked, sass falling off of every word. “Are you sure you’re okay?” “Yeah, let’s just find you a shirt, Morgz.” 
                                   ⋆。 ゚☁︎。 ⋆。 ゚☾ ゚。 ⋆
  If the crew of the Jolly Roger would be known for nothing else, they would still go down in history for the parties they threw during their time at Merlin Academy. So of course, they would be the true hosts of Uliana’s birthday party, and it was set to be a rager based on that alone. Of course, every villain party was known to be a good one. Obviously the group known for breaking rules and dark magic would have a reputation of throwing good parties. But a pirate party? Those could go on all night, with just about every liquor you could think of. And though no one ever saw them bring a blender in, there would be daiquiris and piña coladas flowing all night just so they could convince you that rum was good. Surely once he was a few daiquiris deep Hook would be sliding a shot of rum into his hand with the false promise that he’ll like it this time. Though he’s yet to actually like it. 
    He might need it tonight though, considering that in the hour that they’ve been here Morgie has spoken to him twice. He’s too busy being Uliana’s dog, running around and doing whatever the sea witch asks of him. So (Y/n) has occupied himself with leaning on a wall, squinting as the blue and green lights are far too bright compared to their normal tones. He barely notices that someone has idled up beside him until there's a solo cup of what he’s pretty sure is a mango daiquiri under his nose. “You look like you need this,” Hades’ gruff voice rings out beside him, the soft sound of metal spikes against the wall accompanying it. He reaches out and nearly snatches it, sipping the drink and giving it a hum of approval. Definitely mango, god bless Hook for that one. “I might just love you, you know that?” He leans his shoulder against the god’s with a smile, sparing him a glance. “Yeah, someone has to take care of you. Shouldn’t your little boyfriend be getting you drinks?” He glances around, shaking the other villain off of him to instead slide an arm around him, “Or at least be near you? Where is he?” 
    A sound that Hades thinks is supposed to be a laugh slips out of the other boy’s lips, the boy seeming to snuggle into the god’s side. “Oh you haven’t heard? It’s his wife’s birthday. It would be wrong of him to act like he cares about the side piece on such an important day.” As (Y/n) finishes the statement he nods aggressively towards where Uliana is sipping on a piña colada on a make-shift throne. She’s glowing, talking to Maleficent and Morgie about god knows what with a tiara sitting on her head. At least she’s having a good time with Morgie’s attention, no one else seemed to be getting any of it this week. “Oh ouch,” Hades forces out a fake hiss as he taps the other villain’s hip with his own, “Calling yourself the side piece?” 
   “Yeah well,” he shrugs, tearing his eyes away from the green silk shirt and carefully styled hair across the room, “That’s what it feels like.” Hades shakes his head, letting his hand slide up and down his friend’s bicep, “Now, you know that’s not true.” “Yet.” The singular word earns his arm a squeeze and gains him a verbal scoff from his friend. “Morgie’s little snake heart beats for you. He’s an idiot, but he does love you, you’ve gotta know that.” (Y/n) bites his lip, sliding out from under Hades’ arm. “Shouldn’t Hook have tried to force a shot of rum down my throat by now? Where is he at?” He’s walking away as Hades watches him with a disappointed face. He did know that Morgie loves him, didn’t he? Hades needs to keep an eye on him.
   Hook is at the make-shift bar in the back of the hide out when the other villain finds him, pouring two shots in the comical little solo cup shot glasses that he keeps handy for nights like this. “Where have you been? It’s not a villain party if I don’t take a shot with you before I sneak out.” He smirks, slipping one of the two shot glasses into his friend’s hand before lifting his own. “How did you get Morgie to agree to leave this early?” At the mention of his boyfriend’s name, (Y/n) slams the bottom of the shot glass in their hand against the table before them, quickly throwing the rum back before he can process so much as the taste. A strong sip from his daiquiri follows it, sliding the shot glass across the table. “Another, Cap.” It makes thick brows burrow, grabbing the rum nonetheless as he stares at him. “Finally finding a taste for it, eh?” The boy shakes his head, “I just need it. I’d like to be able to sleep when I finally hit my dorm, easier if my mind is swimming.” 
   It makes the pirate beside him frown, sliding another shot to him, “That’s a lot of alcohol compared to what you normally go for, Lad. Morgie is walking you home, right?” It draws a bitter laugh out of the slightly tipsy villain, “No it’s his wife’s birthday. He’s far too busy for me.” As Hook opens his mouth to argue, Hades comes up behind (Y/n), his hands sliding onto the boy’s shoulders. “I’ll walk you home, idiot. As long as the daiquiri stays here.” It elicits a whine from the villain in his grip, (Y/n) leaning his head back to pout at him, “No fair. You gave it to me.” And Hades scoffs, “Yeah, to drink here. You’re not drinking on our walk back to yours.” Hook wants to argue that his friends shouldn’t leave yet, but something about (Y/n) simply isn’t right. Of course, there was always a bitter air around the topic of Morgie and Uliana but this level was new. He didn’t normally act like this, and if he was this set on getting drunk over it, the boy needed to go home. So instead of arguing, he raises his shot glass to (Y/n). The two villains knocking the little glasses against each other. “Down the hatch, Darling,” he smirks, watching the way that his friend raises his brows with his own shot. And they knock them back, the same way they had at every party the group had ever thrown. 
    Of course, normally Hook didn’t take (Y/n)’s drink so it “didn’t go to waste��� right after. The boy wishing Hook a good night before double checking that the god behind him truly didn’t mind walking him home. Something that the villain was sure he could do alone but there was no way that Hades or Hook would allow that, not when the boy was like this. So Hades promises Hook that he’ll be right back and wraps a hand around (Y/n)’s shoulders to drag him out of the party and back into the chilly November air. 
                                      ⋆。 ゚☁︎。 ⋆。 ゚☾ ゚。 
     (Y/n) knew his limits well enough, he was lucky for that. The second he hit the pillow he was asleep, and now he was awake without even the ghost of a hangover looming over him. Not that he wanted to be awake, he would much rather spend his Sunday wasting the day away in his bed. But how was he meant to sleep with that incessant knocking at his door? So with a begrudging whine and stiff joints, the boy finds himself swinging his legs over the side of his bed. The knocking only seems to grow louder and more urgent as he makes his way over to the door. “I’m coming, god!” A hand reaches out to snatch the door handle, basically ripping it open. Morgie le Fay all but tumbles into his room with the motion, center of gravity being thrown off as the wood he was leaning on is ripped from him. And he looks worse for wear, sweat dampened neck and dark bags under his squinted eyes. 
   “What?” He recoils at the sound of his boyfriend’s voice as if it bit him, a pout crossing over chapped lips. “Can you quiet down? My head is killing me.” (Y/n) rolls his eyes, scoffing as he goes to close his door. “Then go home.” A foot is thrown in the path of the door, stopping him from closing his boyfriend out. “I woke up after a party without you.” There’s this odd sense of disappointment hanging off of his words, eyes seeming to pout more than his lips already did. “Yeah, I’d assume so. I left hours before you did.” Morgie pushes his way into the room at that, softly closing the door behind him. “You did?” “Yeah,” there’s a scoff dripping off his lips as he makes his way back to his bed, “Which you would have noticed if you gave me so much as a minute of thought this past week.” Morgie frowns, leaning against the door with his arms crossing over his chest, “You didn’t walk home alone, did you? You should’ve come and got me. I don’t want you to walk around at night like that.” 
   “No, Hades walked me home.” Morgie nods, looking over at the boy curling up in his bed. (Y/n) obviously trying to make himself smaller as he attempts to talk about his feelings. As if he was doing something wrong. “So why did you ask Hades instead of your boyfriend?” He cuts Morgie a look, rolling his eyes, “I didn’t ask Hades, he just knows me well enough to know when something is wrong.” Morgie raises his brows, “And I don’t know you? I know you, I can tell when something is wrong.” It earns him a laugh, a twisted and broken one that makes his skin crawl. “You do, do you? Okay, then why did we originally go to the mall last Saturday?” And his stomach falls with his confidence. How was Morgie ever meant to come back from this one?
@an-absolute-waste-of-space
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mabaris · 22 days
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no youre completely right - im a gay (trans)man and i legit wanna see so much more about the women bc There Is So Little. I wanna make a lesbian oc who gets bent in half by taash. im very normal.
i’m just tired man!!!! it feels so obvious how disproportionate it is when you’ve got. a cast of characters that we know almost equally little about. and a few of them explode in popularity and it’s like spongebob sticking his hand out the curtain. literally all a character needs to do numbers is to be a light-skinned man
#like you bring up taash!! we know equally little abt taash and emmrich. why is one FUCKING EVERYWHERE and i’m like. scrounging for scraps#sometimes i feel like there has to be a secret other main dragon age tag that has the real stuff in it#but maybe it’s just the tumblr userbase idfk#i feel like i’ve seen a little bit more of neve since the trailer but still not anything on the level as everyone’s fave boys#and before you hit me with ‘lucanis was in a couple short stories’ harding was in the literal entire last game. and she and neve had comics#there’s obviously something to be said about character types too. a lot of people love dark and broody#vs harding keeps getting described as Girl Next Door and that’s much less popular. fine i’m not going to argue abt individual tastes#but like. neve isn’t popping off??? on the columbo fansite????#everyone’s talking about emmrich’s experiments and research but no one talks about bellara’s??#like personally. ok. lesbian opinion so take that for what it’s worth. but i don’t understand all the lucanis thirst#davrin i could understand. davrin can get it. he gets way fewer thirstposts than the other men (hmmm interesting im sure it’s nothing 🙃)#i’m just like. tired. i don’t want to say people can’t enjoy what they’re excited about#but it adds up!#i feel guilty complaining when i am also not doing a lot of Female Character Poasting but like#there’s only so much i can do as someone who can’t draw and has been too busy to keep on top of all the breaking news
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voidcat · 6 days
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once again at my wits end bc of men
#rant ////#i hate being afab sometimes bc no matter what i do ill always get shit in return. this is the second time the hospital cafe staff has been#little “too friendly” w me already and it hasnt even been a month(::: this one patient is strating to drive me crazy bc istg if u dare ask#one more personal question im not responsible for what will happen. no i cant give u my pen bc u already got one and why do u specifically#want mine?? its nne of ur business if im wearing a white coat or scrubs??? stfu and let me redo ur bandages over ur catheter#MAYBE IF U HAD S KEPT QUIET INSTEAD OF CONSTANTLY ASKING ME IRRELEVANT THINGS THAT R STARTING TO FEEL LIKE HARRASSMENT MAYBE IT WOULDNT HUR#but also u kno what? i just applied over the flaster to FIXATE so yea i have to apply a little pressure. dont “ouch it hurt” me ur a grown#ass man tf#no i told u tons of times idk ur treatment plan nor am i responsible for it stop asking me stop calling ot for me LEAVE ME ALONE#if youre told u cant leave ur room to wander off whya re u asking me again??? thne going "yea well ill go n if they ask ill say my disciple#doc allowed me“ no i didnt?? ”well my number is written there anyways“ so?? its not my concern? just stay put ur average bp is 17 and u r#stil going out to smoke do you have a fucing death wish or smt#also leave me alone and no u cant call me anything other than doctor. stop acting like a douche u dont act like this to my friend. is it b#im afab and hes not? yeah im sure it is BC THATS ALWAYS THE CASE IN THIS GODDAMN COUNTRY AND IM SICK OF BEING EITHER TREATED W DISRESPECT W#WHEN I TRY TO MAINTAIN THAT FRIENDLY DISTANCE A REGULAR DOC PUTS ON JUST BC IM NOT A CIS MALE. bc wow when youre afab youre eithre asking#for it or youre a rude bitch its no inbetween im so tired
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forgotten-daydreamer · 3 months
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Took twice the max dose of melatonin before the final revision for tomorrow’s exam, I’m shitting my pants and I genuinely don’t know anything as thoroughly as I should but if I sleep less than 4 hrs before it I just know I’m gonna do even worse somehow
#don’t take twice the max dose of anything btw#genuinely don’t do the shit that I do#i only did it bc I know my limits and haven’t had any other substances in over 24 hrs but don’t ever try it#always talk to your gp before taking any meds and supplements at all#anyway psa aside#I want to revise for two hrs so until 1.30am circa but I genuinely hope I pass out sometime in the next hours and a half#godspeed ig#uni#melatonin#I have super high expectations but I genuinely prepared this exam in like 4 days and my brain has been all over the place#haven’t had the chance (economic too so please please consider sparing a couple of bucks for my ko-fi?) to meet my therapist in 2 weeks#been super suicidal super busy dealing with stuff and people and my family and uni and ah oh how I wish I had a brain able to focus#also the ‘visions of horror’ as I call them have lowkey turned into auditory hallucinations that never stop and it’s… tough#genuinely so tired of everything in general#I’d promised to hang with my uni friends after the exam bc I should be done my midday tops but I know im gonna be super sad and underwhelme#so I hope I can be at home by 4 pm tops with one excuse or the other#I love them all so much but I need a break. also bc I got another exam in less than a fucking week and I still haven’t started studying for#it because it’s objectively easier than tomorrow’s and because when was I supposed to study for it#I spent 3 good days working on a paper that isn’t even mine for a subject I don’t even take#a favor for a friend which turned into 3 more friends asking me if I could help them with theirs#and you know me#I never say no. unfortunately. but also I’m super glad they want my help bc they know I can write at least (one good thing)#but. that’s still -3 days available#then. the demons#wasted so many hours just pacing and biting my nails raw and being pathetic#so yeah. in a little under 15 hrs I want to be in bed again. resting until the 19th when the cycle will begin anew#also math ain’t mathing. my exam is in 12 hrs only now 13.
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mymelodyisme · 4 months
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My sister’s graduation day 😤 let’s go 👏🏽
#gosh it’s gonna be a long day and I’m running on two hours of sleep again#i only get the chance to work at night because I don’t have ✨privacy✨#and I’ve been going to bed late and waking up even more tired than usual and my mom’s been scolding me for it#and now I’ve had to tell her what I’m doing and I feel like I just gave another piece of me away again#everything I am everything I do has to be for other people#im so tired when will I give my last piece away 🥹#this was to make ME proud of ME I was doing it for myself and now I feel like it’s for her#and then she’s going to tell my dad and now it’s for him too#also I can’t even cry about it because she HAS to know why I’m upset#she keeps glancing up at me and talking to me in bits#all I have left is my emotions 🥹#anyhow sorry to start the day off so gloomy and depressing I have literally nothing to be sad about I’m very privileged#sorry you guys see me being a baby constantly 🥺 I really do have a good life and shouldn’t be complaining#here’s to a better day for us all#melifails#now i feel like a jerk subjecting you all to this😭 sorry sorry let’s move on#im gonna be a busy bee hopefully I can squeeze in a time for a nap#😭 I don’t waaaaaannnnnaaa sit for hours in the California heat MAYBE with the sun hitting us in the face#our football field is NOT kind in this way#hopefully my sister gets the shady side but even then the sun will hit us in the face eventually just not as long#im !!! excited!!!! I bought ice cream for today 👏🏽 I originally bought choco chip and minto moose tracks?? my sister loves mint flavor#so I bought mint Oreos too so she can eat them with her ice cream 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽#i assume we’re getting take out of some sort so that; ice cream; and uuuuuuu I don’t remember anything else I bought; my best friend did#bring us snacks yesterday!!! pretzels and cookies!!! so that!!!#okay brain no work no more I gotta get dressed love you muah muah muah
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firebuug · 6 months
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checked my bank account 8262848585 dead 15 injured
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girlvinland · 1 year
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My life would be so much less annoying if I didn’t get hungry and need to eat a meal or a snack every few hours.
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ff2-soda-pop · 7 months
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I'm ngl, I'm not actually having as much fun with side order as I was expecting...
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widevibratobitch · 1 year
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#coming to tumblr for the first time in three days just to bitch because i feel like shit <333#sorry if i havent responded to your message i will as soon as i get a grip but rn im just too busy#both with uni and with crying because a friend said a mean thing to me lol#and because im tired of this new friendship already and tired of hearing this girl talking how great she is lol#am i jealous? fuck yeah i am.#and it's not like she's mean like straight up. cause like.#when i say im really considering quitting and dropping out she tries to encourage me ig#but then she follows it up with 'ofc *I* never had a problem with this and that because it always just came naturally to me teehee#but yknow. dont give up uwu'#and she keeps sending me recordings of her singing to tell her how good she is and always tells me how her teacher praises her#and like. its cool. like i get it that its a nice feeling when you do something well and wanna share that joy with a friend#but idk. i just think its kinda. well not mean but a litt#*a little tone deaf? when ive just been telling her that im in a Bad Place rn and my voice isnt working as it should#and my pianist is bullying me and i end up crying on almost every lesson#and she hits me with a 'damn that sucks fuck that pianist dont give up tho <3#now do you wanna listen to me sing bel raggio lusinghier like a pro and my professor telling me i am sublime?'#also when i tell her that im sorry that im not very social and i just cannot stay and chat cause im having a horrible day today#and really dont feel well and she's like 'yeah i havent noticed anything you're always like that... *side eye*' in a way that suggests#im a horrible friend cause im not talking with her enough and yet again im disappointing her (aint that familiar lol)#i just. idk. the last two-three weeks have been absolutely horrible to me. i cant get out of bed i havent done a single colorful make up#in so long ive basically forgotten how to do that. and i loved doing fun make up looks that make people tell me i look like a clown.#but i just dont have the energy to do anything more than put on a random tshirt and spray dry shampoo on my unwashed hair#i dont even wear my rings anymore. ive stopped caring about being the pinkest slayest queerest looking bitch in the room cause i just. cant#and even some casual friend of mine asked me yesterday if im okay cause they can see something is Not Right. but SHE not only doesnt notice#anything. i have a feeling she feels like im disappoing and neglecting her because i cant be bothered to text with her 24/7#like idk. maybe its just my imagination but i barely even feel like an actual person. more like just a homunculus made to trail after her#and listen to her bragging about how pretty/talented/unbothered she is#oh and also for her to keep dissing m/ozart lol like idk why it hurts me so bad but then ig its not that unusual to feel shitty#when someone keeps talking shit about something you really love and are passionate about and making you feel like an idiot#because you like it. because its stupid and boring and you're a simpleton for enjoying it instead of liking sth more 'ambitious'
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kinky-asexual · 9 months
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*lays on the floor*
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arcaneyouth · 1 year
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ohhh im in danger
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htylmg · 1 year
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it’s barely been a day after the allen shooting like 20 minutes away from my house and my school district is getting terrorist threats to a middle school
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#I can’t stand her. I can’t stand living in the same house as her.#I hate that I’m too dumb to ever make it on my own and I hate that she tells me that every time I have to interact with her#as if I don’t already know. she’s been telling me for years and years how dumb I am and she acts like I don’t already know that without her#I already knew that I was too dumb by the time I was 8 years old. and that’s not even from her telling me#it from all my old teachers who couldn’t teach me and gave up on me.#its from observing other people my age and realizing how much slower I am than them.#it’s from me not having any kind of passion or ambition for anything since I was 8#and that’s because they kept drilling it in my head that I was never gonna get anywhere and never going to amount to anything if I didn’t do#if I didn’t do better when I was already doing my best.#I was already doing every thing I could and it was never good enough for her. it was never good enough for anybody.#I’m already doing my best. and they’re all disappointed and angry with me for not doing better#I hate that I have to rely on her. on them.#I want to be on my own so bad.#I want her to stop getting into my business.#because she acts like this every time I have to interact with her#and she wonders why I stay locked up in my room all the time#I’m tired of constantly being bullied by my own parent.#I’m tired of having to rely on her because she won’t let me get a job ‘’yet’’#she keeps saying ‘’after your drivers license’’. ‘’after the pandemic’’. ‘’after your ged’’. then I can get a job and have my own money#and not have to rely on her so much. AFTER I DO ALL THOSE IMPOSSIBLE THINGS THAT SHE KEEPS TELLUNG ME IM TOO DUMB TO DO ‘’YET’’#she’s the one who won’t let me progress in anything so I can get out of here#and yet she treats me like pest that lives in her house. she treats me like dirt. she treats me like I got like this on purpose.#SHES THE ONE THAT MADE ME LIKE THIS. YEARS AND YEARS OF NEGLCT AND ABUSE FROM HER.#AND SHE REFUSES TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT.#she won’t let me move out. she’ll find out when the ne place is somehow and she’ll drag me back here kicking and screaming#she will hold me hostage if I try to leave#sometimes I think about the kids who somehow were able to get out of their parents house and away from them as soon as they turned 18 or#or younger. they’re the lucky ones. I wish I could have been that lucky. to get away from them and never have to come back.#I wish I could get out of here someday soon. ghost my whole family. to never have to see them or talk to them ever again.#to have a place all to myself. to have a place where I am comfortable being my dumb happy little self. that’s all I ever wanted.
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dog-ending · 1 month
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aftermathing · 4 months
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xviruserrorx · 4 months
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I don't understand why people get frustrated at things they knew were gonna happen because someone else is chronically I'll and it's happened multiple times before so it's not like it's new, like oh yeah sorry for existing like this
#family wanted me to go to this restaurant and to try their shakes and they've talked about it multiple times about going#and they kept mentioning it and just yeah so the said 'were going' and i just shrugged and said okay#we've been to restaurants times before and it goes the same every time with me getting fries or some type of potato or salad#because their safe foods and indont want to be sick and most of the time i cant eat almost all the menu so this isn't new#but they want to eat before we get these shakes (the shakes that are going to inevitably make me very sick) so we order food#surprise enough i order cheese fries that say they just have cheese on them on the menu but of course they lied as always#so the fries have bacon and chives and olives and a bunch of stuff and the cheese isnt even a cheese sauce#but cheese from the store thats been melted in a microwave on the fries and is very very oily and y'know great these are gonna make me sick#i force down the food as fast as i can and act like its fine but of course family gets mad that im doing this#they then ask after me trying to force down this food what flavor of shake i want and im probably gonna end up throwing#up half of the food i just ate and so i say no to the shake which is a gurantee of me being up all night throwing up#they get frustrated because 'we came here for the shakes' and i dont even know im so tired like#i font know what people want me to do i cant exist the way they want me to and eat the food and interact with the world how they want me to#like how do they want me to do thing? i wish people would tell me how they wanted me to do things and then i could do it#and i really can i can play pretend i do it sooo well i can eat the food you want me to and do what you want me to#but we literyjoked how i couldn't eat barely anything on the menu and we still got in the car and left and like#family is a bust my friends are too busy living and being with their other friends who arent sick so thats always hood to think about#literally got told to my face that she made a new friend (which is always good) but that this new friends reminded her exactly of me#and that they talks to them every single day and they've gone to movies and this and that and... i texted her multiple times#and she hasnt texted me back in months... infont think that lerson reminds me of who i AM i think they remind her of who i WAS#when i was sick very sick but still more abled and able to just exist#but yeah so im gonna write some fanfic - im gonna mod for something - then mod for another thing with really sweet mods in it#i wanted to rewatch a spn episode with the angels in it so ill do that and maybe work on a bracelet#and yeah... and then ill do it all over again and eat my safe foods and do the things that make me comfortable because fuck them#virus rambling
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