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weirdlizard26 · 5 years

Note

For the ask meme? All of them.

jay,,,

give me a sec to edit this post ok

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

wine glasses are like reading glasses except you wear them while drinking wine

i’d say water bottles but only the ones that can handle heat and stuff and not poison your drink with plastic or whatever

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

i havent had a lollipop in a good while so thats my choice

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

havent tried either but boy i’d love to try just a little bit of cotton candy at leastonce

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

bro,,,,,, that was like 10 years ago, how am i supposed to remember that,,,,,,,

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

i usually drink soda from plastic cups but honestly? nothing beats the experience of sipping that sweet sweet ambrosia from the bottle,,, but also i’d love to try soda in a can some day!

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

idk what half of these would look like but sportswear always wins in my book

7. earbuds or headphones?

ok i actually googled whats the difference and im more of an earbuds person! theyrejust safer i think and it makes me kinda anxious when im home listening tomusic and cant hear anything going on around me

8. movies or tv shows?

tv shows! well, unless the episodes are like 40 minutes or a full hour because its hard to focus for that long kfjsndkfs

9. favorite smell in the summer?

pavement after rain and also. grass.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

haha thats a funny joke you made there *starts crying*

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

just a couple of meat+cheese+mayo sandwiches! if its summer mom cuts tomatoes or cucumbers for us and as they start getting more and more expensive we replace them with pickles!

12. name of your favorite playlist?

sorry i couldnt choose!

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring!

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

aaaa i love fruit flavored ones!

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

aaaaaaaa i dont remember if it was elementary or middle school but we were assigned this really cool ukrainian book that ive actually read before they assigned it. well, nobody here will recognize it but it was Тореадори з Васюківки by Всеволод Нестайко and it was about 2 boys who were best friends growing up in the countryside and they went on adventures and had fun and their friendship made me so happy,,, i guess i was all for cool friendship portrayal even back then! it was mostly laughs and jokes but some moments were actually serious and hit me really hard and i remember them to this day actually

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

its a myth, sitting was created as a personal attack on me

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

my trusty old sneakers!! theyre all black and the sole is very soft and nice

18. ideal weather?

when the sun is out and its just warm enough to show off your new graphic tee and also very soft and nice

19. sleeping position?

i just lie on my left side like a fool

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

notebook!

21. obsession from childhood?

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!!! AND DANNY PHANTOM!!!! i even made a ghost fighting costume once,,,, tho it wasnt much of a costume, it was just fingerless gloves i cut out of paper. they were extremely uncomfortable. but very effective in fighting ghosts!

22. role model?

kfjsdnfk i have a bunch! might sound weird but one of them is bdg i think??? and the other 2 are some online acquaintances whom im too afraid to interact with more often than i do

23. strange habits?

repeating silly lines i hear on tv / in anime/cartoons? and also i never touch food with my right hand unless its plums?? and there are more but. you know. bad memory.

24. favorite crystal?

all of them!!!!!

25. first song you remember hearing?

my grandma used to sing this to me over the phone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUPnqqPXQsw

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

go for a walk!

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

slep

28. five songs to describe you?

we are the people by empire of the sun

home by cavetown

strawberry blonde by mitski

smile like you mean it by the killers

afterlife by arcade fire

29. best way to bond with you?

wash your hands very thoroughly and make jokes

30. places that you find sacred?

i see nature i go crazy from how much respect i have for it

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass andtake names?

*wearing hinata cosplay* im here to play volleyball and kick your ass and as you can see ive already played today’s match

32. top five favorite vines?

road work ahead

a avocado!! thanks!!!!!

REBECCA THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK

i fell can you help me :(

that vine where ukulele sounds like human voices and people sounds like ukuleles

33. most used phrase in your phone?

idk how to check that??? sowwy

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

the stomach meds ad they keep showing on tv

35. average time you fall asleep?

3am? 4am? idk for sure

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

t-trollface…

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

havent used either (cause ive never traveled anywhere too far away) but the latter looks pretty and i feel like it would fit more stuff

38. lemonade or tea?

depends on my mood!

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

dont kick me but im not sure if ive ever tried either ;w;

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

the school’s cat who hates most people actually kinda warmed up to me even tho im terrible with animals

41. last person you texted?

jay uwu

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

afabs cant have both huh

but i want both. please give me both.

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

all of these sound nice but my lazy ass will always go for hoodies

44. favorite scent for soap?

aaaaaaaa im allergic to a lot of soaps but i like flower scented ones

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

i love all of them dearly but lately ive been more into superheroes i think. im not sure really sure what exactly i feel

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

something really really long

47. favorite type of cheese?

there are different types????

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

i hope im a pear

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

become a good person. thats all.

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

i dont remember what it was but i remember i was with my friends and we couldnt stop laughing for several minutes and ive never felt happier

51. current stresses?

UNIVERSITY FUCK OFF!!!

52. favorite font?

i like comic sans

53. what is the current state of your hands?

they arent doing so hot tbh, my dermatitis is back again

54. what did you learn from your first job?

i dont have one!

55. favorite fairy tale?

gonna be honest chief, i dont remember too many of them ;w;

56. favorite tradition?

on new year’s we turn the lights off, light up a candle in the kitchen, laugh at president’s speech and only then starts eating

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

getting over a lost friendship, passing high school finals and uni entrance exams and coming out to my best friend

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

singing!! being able to learn how to do most things pretty quickly!!! and i cant think of anything else but honestly these two are quite enough for me

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

uh oh! guess what! i dont have a catchphrase and im very self-conscious about it!

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

im torn between sports anime and slice of life

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

because humans dont have wings we look for other ways to fly

from haikyuu

obviously

62. seven characters you relate to?

tsukishima kei from haikyuu

mae borowski from nitw

apollo justice from ace attorney

flame princess from adventure time

donatello from tmnt

sokka from atla

kageyama shigeo from mob psycho 100

63. five songs that would play in your club?

mr brightside, bohemian rhapsody, smile like you mean it by the killers and allof haikyuu ops and eds

64. favorite website from your childhood?

if social media counts, vkontakte i guess?? i didnt really go anywhere else and it still exists and i thriving so im not sure if it should count fkjsndkjf

65. any permanent scars?

yeah, the one from my very first vaccination from when i was a few months old i think and also some traces of when i had chickenpox

66. favorite flower(s)?

idk a lot of flower names but i really like tulips

67. good luck charms?

dont have any at the moment but i’d love to get one!

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

whatever fish mom used to buy when we were kids >:(

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

bro my memory isnt good enough to remember those,,

70. left or right handed?

im a righty but i had to become a lefty for like a month when i broke my pinkie

71. least favorite pattern?

i like traditional ukrainian ornaments

72. worst subject?

history :P

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

ice cream + fries

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

idk how pain levels work but i try not to take meds unless the pain is interfering with studying

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

idk but i had a box full of my teeth for so long they turned to dust and i had to throw it away

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

RHNGRHGNRHGRNH EVERYTHING except for freshly made mashed potatoes

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

if its green it can stay

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

have never had either of those and i hope i never will cause they sound gross!

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

i dont have a license, so.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

kfjsndfks depends on the mood tbh!

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

fireflies!

82. pc or console?

i WISH i had a console but this is too broke for that,, i played a couple of times tho and it feels more fun than pc!

83. writing or drawing?

please dont make me choose, ive abandoned both and its making me feel bad

84. podcasts or talk radio?

podcasts :O

84. barbie or polly pocket?

idk what polly pocket is but barbie rules!!!

85. fairy tales or mythology?

i feel like sometimes fairy tales are kinda like watered down myths so i have a right to say i like both

86. cookies or cupcakes?

my heart goes to cookies

87. your greatest fear?

finding out im faking any part of my identity

88. your greatest wish?

get through whatever’s going on right now

89. who would you put before everyone else?

mom

90. luckiest mistake?

when i recorded an undertale medley and got a few notes wrong but it actually ended up sounding better than originally

91. boxes or bags?

boxes!

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

fairy lights……

93. nicknames?

never really had many? my bff calls me mr smith sometimes but thats all i can think of fkjsdnfs but also! steve used to be my nickname before i decided my life my own and i get to choose my name

94. favorite season?

spring ;w;

95. favorite app on your phone?

sudoku

96. desktop background?

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

my own and my mom’s

98. favorite historical era?

eh im not very fond of the past because not every time period had soap

#wl26 #wl26 answers #flamingerrs #jay just so you know i love you a whole lot #i really did that huh #long post

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paler-than-thou · 6 years

Text

a’ight so

you just want

everything

welp

here we go (under a read more to save dashes)

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? In the real sense or in the alien/gods/etc sense? XD Nah, I’m aware there’s things other than humans to this world. I don’t doubt, because hell, I know.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? I’d say about a 2, headed into 4-5 depending on mood, people I’m with and if I’m in an unfamiliar place.

3. The person you would never want to meet? I don’t really know? Can’t think of any one person, tbh. There’s plenty I’d hate (like Trump etc) but yeah...

4. What is your favorite word? Oh fuck, I don’t know. It’s more of a phrase but ‘Damn straight’ I guess? There’s a few I like the sound/feel of saying, and a lot of Polish I like (’przyjaciel’ being no 1 for sound and meaning) but yeah.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? Uh. Prehistoric and smelly.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? Good god why.

7. What shirt are you wearing? Nada, clothes are for heretics.

8. What do you label yourself as? Different and weird. But I think this might mean more sexuality-wise? I’m an quoiromantic asexual transman with a beard and I’m not afraid to use it.

9. Bright room or dark room? Dark room, every time. Prefer low lights.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Playing Doom and cackling.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? This age, until I’m the next one.

12. Who told you they loved you last? @koto056 by a narrow margin ^^

13. Your worst enemy? Myself, honestly.

14. What is your current desktop picture? Hah, I go to take a screenshot and welp, story time. I have a two-screen setup, one smaller than the other, and the one on the left is uh...when I first came on the internet as a wee artist I didn’t really know/care about tracing/editing other people’s work. I found one I liked of @anndr‘s pieces and edited it without permission, and I have never put it up for people to see because it was a shit thing to do. I keep it as a reminder of not to be a shitheel and because it was done so I could better visualise a character, and I never will either, so yeah. No desktop pic here.

15. Do you like someone? Well, I got two partners, so I assume so.

16. The last song you listened to? Twenty One Pilots - Heathens

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? There are too many people for this one to be answered. ¬¬

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? Again, too many people.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? Nooooot comfortable with this question (though @koto056 will probably know the first thing that came to mind)

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) I’d say my eyes. I mean

look at this cute motherfucker

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? Loaded question. Honestly, I’d cry and then hide until the day was over.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? I dunno, possibly to be as annoying as humanely possible? Heh, that’s the shitty inner voice talking. I guess the fact I can make people smile no matter what and feel genuinely cared for?

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? I’m not sure I have unique fears. Heights, claustrophobia, arachnophobia, eye stuff, dentists...

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. I’ll make it in a minute.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? Art supplies or straight to bank for MCM monies.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? Ireland, maybe Poland, not sure.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? Well, I can’t drink thanks to my pills, so I’d probably just ask for tea as it’s brewed. :3

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? Don’t Be A Dick.

29. What is your favorite expletive? Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? My computer. That shit cost nearly £2k, I am not letting it burn.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Loaded question there. Honestly, I wouldn’t erase the years of abuse and bullshit because it’d be erasing a fundamental part of my development into this wonderful human being I can stand to be now. But if I could do so without it affecting me? Yeah, that’s a no-brainer.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Ireland 8D

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? Yeah, no. I wouldn’t. I mean there’s plenty about the whole ‘gone too soon’ but...no, I wouldn’t.

34. What was your last dream about? Nothing good 8D woo for nightmares and flashbacks huh.

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? I dunno, am I?

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? Yuuuup. More times than I’d like. Latest was this January after having an internal stitch go necrotic and cause me to lose 2 pints+ of blood.

37. Have you ever built a snowman? Once ^^

38. What is the color of your socks? Bare Naked Beans

39. What type of music do you like? Anything that isn’t obnoxious to my ears, mostly things with good bass/beats as I can hear them a bit better.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Both are just as beautiful.

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Banananananananananana.

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) Hand Egg and Leg Ball bores me to tears so...none.

43. Do you have any scars? Too many.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? Well, I ain’t in college/uni so...

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? The chronic pain.

46. Are you reliable? Depends on how. In communication/getting shit done? Probably not. In being there when needed? Absolutely.

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? Lottery numbers.

48. Do you hold grudges? Nah. Too much energy. I get angry, it burns out, I let it go.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? Snekbirb!

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? Holy shit, what sort of question is this? So many holy fuck

51. Are you a good liar? Yup. Incredibly so. At one point I was almost pathological - lying even when I didn’t need to - though now it comes out rarely as embellishing. Means I’m a great storyteller, but I used to be very manipulative/unknowingly gaslighty with it. Thankfully I grew out of it and got better.

52. How long could you go without talking? Hours, really. I sit with the fiancee for a long time without really saying anything other than the odd request for tea. Other than that? Yeah, I talk for days.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? Buzzcut. I don’t suit it.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? Yup, with varying degrees of success XD

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? Plenty.

56. What do you like on your toast? Honey, jam, peanut butter, fish...

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? A wolf! With wings! On fire!

58. What would be you dream car? Chauffeur-driven.

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. Sing, talk to myself, act out rps/conversations...

60. Do you believe in aliens? It’s a statistical impossibility that we’re alone, but also very very fucking unlikely we’ll ever be contacted simply through sheer numbers.

61. Do you often read your horoscope? If only to laugh at it/swear at the fact I’m a fucking typical Scorpio yeah...

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? ...Whut. Um. Well. I don’t know? X maybe?

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? Oh come on, dragons.

64. What do you think about babies? Nice. Soft. Good smell, unless not. Squidge.

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. No one put in a q for this so...w/e 8D

#more than you ever wanted to know about me

0 notes

whatsappstatus2017 · 7 years

Text

Whatsapp Status {*2017 FRESH*} Coolest Whatsapp Status Quotes!

Whatsapp Status

Cool Whatsapp Status

1. I look at people sometimes and think... Really??? That’s the sperm that won.

2. When I die, I want my grave to offer free Wifi so that people visit more often.

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11. When I’m on my deathbed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the.

12. I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice.

13. “F#%K It.” – my final thought before making most decisions.

14. If I delete your number, you’re basically deleted from my life.

15. Some people need to open their small minds instead of their big mouths.

16. Whenever I think of quit smoking, I need a cigarette to think. 17. Relation of friendship is greater than the relation of blood. 18. When I miss you I re-read our old conversations and smile like an idiot. 19. When I miss you it seems every song I listen to is about you. 20. My silence/smile is just another word for my pain. - Cool Whatsapp Status: Best 100,000+ Whatsapp Status Quotes! Advertisements 21. Sometimes It’s better to be alone…No one can hurt you. 22. The most painful goodbye’s are those which were never said and never explained. 23. Sometimes one middle finger isn’t enough to let someone know how you feel. That’s why you have two hands. 24. Sometimes I’m not angry, I’m hurt and there’s a big difference. 25. My silence doesn’t mean that I quit… It simply means that I don’t want to argue with people who just don’t want to understand!

26. Don’t be so happy, I don’t really forgive people, I just pretend like it’s okay and wait for my turn to destroy them. 27. If you want to make your dreams come true, The first thing you have to do is wake up. 28. I don't have dirty mind, I have sexy imagination. 29. The greatest advantage of speaking the truth is that you don't have to remember what you said. 30. I'm not failed... my success is just postponed.

Latest Cool Status Messages for Whatsapp 31. Everyday is a second chance. 32. If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door. 33. Do not give up, the beginning is always the hardest. 34. The only way to do great work is to love what you do. 35. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Advertisements 36. You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else. 37. Life is like riding a bicycle to keep your balance, you must keep moving. 38. You're already a successful personal. The things we take for granted someone else is praying for. 39. Dreams is not what you see in sleep, Is the thing which doesn't let you sleep. 40. I will win, not immediately but definitely.

Cool Status for Whatsapp for Boys 51. I love to walk in fog, because nobody knows I'm smoking. 52. I'm not drunk, I'm just chemically off-balanced. 53. Oh, so you wanna argue, bring it. I got my CAPS LOCK ON. 54. I'm so poor that I can't pay attention in class. 55. Warning!!! I know KARATE and few other oriental words.

56. I'm not virgin, my life fucks me every day. 57. I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people. 58. Save water drink beer. 59. Virginity is not dignity, It is just lack of opportunity. 60. Not all men are fools, some stay bachelor.

Attitude Cool Whatsapp Messages 61. Phones are better than girlfriends, at least we can switch off. 62. I love my job only when I'm on vacation 63. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 64. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. 65. In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Mostly collectors are including Hindi Status in every collection due to content unavailability that spoil the collection and user experience. However, we have always picked English status and WhatsApp status in English language. Therefore, now you can directly come and choose WhatsApp status as per your wish and desire :) Check Out Now: Whatsapp Status in English (in English with Pure Grammar) 66. How is a poor man a lot like a rich man? they both have an iPhone. 67. Some people call me Mike, you can call me tonight. 68. Sometimes you succeed and other times you learn. 69. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle... He's dreaming too. 70. Scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal my status

Cool Status for Whatsapp for Girls 71. My "last seen at" was just to check your "last seen at". 72. Not always "Available".. try your Luck.. 73. Hey there Whatsapp is using me. 74. Life is Short – Chat Fast! 75. Time is precious, waste it wisely. I wish every desire and wish of you get completed asap. However, we have specially submitted one of the best collection to inspire you to reach our goals in your life.

76. I'm not single, I'm just romantically challenged. 77. Trust in God, But lock your car. 78. AwesoME ends with ME and Ugly starts with You. 79. Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud. 80. It hurts when you have someone in your heart but not in your arms. Damn Cool Whatsapp Status Quotes 81. Please don’t forget to smile :) 82. Get up every morning, imagine a future then make it happen. 83. Everyone is beautiful in their own way because God makes no mistakes. 84. You're right. I'm NOT perfect. But I'm unique! 85. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

86. Don’t compare yourself with anyone in this world… if you do so, you are insulting yourself... 87. Create your own visual style… let it be unique for yourself and yet identifiable for others. 88. Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going. 89. It is almost impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside. 90. No matter how strong of a person you are, there’s always someone who can make you weak

Daily New Cool Whatsapp Status Updates 91. It’s funny how people say they miss you, but don’t even make an effort to see you. 92. Life is like Facebook. People will like your problems & comment on them but no one’s gonna solve them because everyone is busy in updating their. 93. Attitude is like underwear Don’t show it just wore it… 94. I Am Not Special , I Am Just Limited Edition :P 95. I got less but I got best!

96. Get as rude as possible and don’t let anyone tell you how to live. 97. The only reason I am fat is because a tiny body couldn’t store all this personality. 98. Adjustment with right people is always better than Argument with wrong people. A meaningful silence is always better than meaningless words. 99. If a hug tells you how much I love you, I would hold you in my arms forever. 100. Silence is the most powerful scream. 101. Some poeple are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day. 102. I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect'. That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, 'Your password is incorrect.' 103. Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly. 104. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. 105. When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31. 105. My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead. 106. I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. 107. Have some patience, I'm screwing things up as fast as possible. 108. It's a good thing I brought my library card because I'm totally checking you out. 109. You're like a sharpie - super fine. 110. I know I'm a handful, but that's why you have two hands. 111. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we're having cake. 112. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when I'm with you. 113. Bought a talking parrot today and taught him to say "Help, I've been turned into a parrot." 114. I made a huge to do list for today. I just can't figure out who's going to do it. 115. At night, I can't fall asleep. In the morning, I can't get up. 116. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket." 117. Guys are like stars, there are millions of them, but only one makes your dreams come true. Love starts with a hug, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear. 118. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present. Life isn't about how many breaths you take but about the moments that take your breathe away. 119. This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog. 120. My ex girlfriend’s status said suicidal and standing on the edge. So I poked her. 121. Got a problem with me? Solve it. Think i’m trippin? Tie my shoes. Can’t stand me? Sit back down. Can’t face me? Turn around. 122. Single is not a status. It is a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others. 123. Facebook should have a “no one cares” button. 114. If your relationship status says, “It’s complicated” then you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “Single” 115. I’d really post your name here every minute if facebook keeps on asking me what’s on my mind 116. Delete me , Poke me, Like me, Limit me ..The choice is yours.. Welcome to facebook, where no one is really your friend. =P 117. I’d rather check my Facebook than face my check book. 118. I’m wondering why logging onto Face book has become part of the everyday routine?… Do I really have nothing better to do! 119. Your intelligence is my common sense. 220. That awkward moment when you change your Facebook status to ‘single’ and your ex likes it. 221. Weather forecast for tonight: Dark with a chance of tomorrow in the morning. 222. I intend to live forever, or die trying. 223. Being nice to people you don’t like is not being two faced, it is called growing up. 224. The kids next door challenged me to a water balloon fight. I’m just updating my status while waiting for the water to boil. 225. Sometimes I wish life was like facebook, you can delete anyone off your page and go back and delete everything you have said and done! 226. …did a lot of nothing yesterday, but I didn’t finish, so I’m going to do it again today! 227. Trust me I am a liar. 228. Got a new job with the local hostage negotiators and tried to phone in sick but they talked me out of it. 229. Girl: Why do you constantly keep posting my name as your Facebook status every 2 minutes? Boy: Facebook keeps asking me what’s on my mind? And honestly, it’s always you. 230. I’ve officially been diagnosed with OFCD (Obsessive facebook checking disorder). I have also been told that I am beyond cure. Please pray for me. 231. Roses are red, Facebook is blue, No mutual friends, Who the hell are you? 232. Facebook is the only place you can write whatever you feel on a wall. Grrrr Facebook won’t stop asking what’s on my mind even if I tell it, it keeps on asking. 233. I’ve gone out to find myself. If I should arrive before I get back, please ask me to wait. 234. I Know Wat You’re Doing Right Now… You’re Reading On My Wall, Right ! 235. Facebook is like prison, you write on walls and get poked bu people you don’t know. 236. Call me anorexic, call me fat. I can put on or I can lose that. Call me annoying, call me dumb. Excuse me miss; but I’m having fun. Call me a flirt, call me fake. That’s just me, so give it a break. Call me weird, a nerd & a geek. Call me what you want, I’m just unique. 237. Facebook should have an ‘Enemy List’ 238. Adding you as my friend doesn’t mean I like you, I did it just to increase my friend list. 239. You can't please everyone, you're not a Nutella jar. 240. Hmmm this text message is a little too harsh, I'll add LOL at the end. 241. Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears. 242. I'm not running away from hard work, I'm too lazy to run. 243. I miss the days when you could just push someone in the swimming pool without worrying about their cell phone. 244. Some people have "aha" moments, I just have "Oh Seriously?" moments. 245. Dear humans, in case you forgot, I used to be your Internet. Sincerely, The Library. 246. Don't worry, the spider is smaller than you. "Yeah. So is a grenade." 247. They say "don't try this at home" so I'm coming over to your house to try it. 248. For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there. 249. Sure, I do marathons. On Netflix. 250. Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. 251. Always be positive. *Trips down the stairs* Whew, I got down those stairs fast. 252. Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it. 253. Dear automatic flushing toilet... I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn't done yet. 254. If you keep annoying me, I'll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it's Santa's hotline. 255. Facebook should have “So What” button! 256. As Facebook has a “Poke” button, it should have a “Kick” button as well. 257. My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update as the search bar. 258. I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell – you see, I have friends in both places. 259. Whoever said facebook was a good idea, “Let me share my dull life with the rest of the planet.” ? 260. No matter what anyone says, my cooking is excellent, even the smoke alarm seems to be cheering me on! 261. Facebook is the red carpet for pretty girls who have no talent. 262. …It’s Not That I Hate You… But Let’s Put It This Way If You Were On Fire And I Had A Gallon Of Water I’d Drink It. 263. He who went to facebook and left myspace is wise. 264. Am quitting face book to face my books. 265. Facebook should add a “dislike button” some updates are just too senseless. 266. Facebook is where hypocrisy, falseness, double standards, rumors and depression meet up for coffee. 267. I’d say we should have a “You Bore me” button on Facebook! 268. Single doesn’t always mean lonely and relationship doesn’t always mean happy. 269. Paper cut: A tree's final moment of revenge. 270. People like me great. People don’t like me great. As long as I like myself that all that matters. 271. Thank you to every person who has ever told me I can’t. You are just another reason I will. 272. I made my Facebook name "Benefits," so when you add me now it says "you're friends with benefits." 273. Marriage is like a walk in the park... Jurrasic Park. 274. How does a train eat? Chew, Chew... 275. I'd walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire because that's dangerous. But a super humid room... well not too humid, because you know... my hair. 276. What did the traffic light say to the other traffic light? Don't look, I'm changing. 277. You know you're an adult when you get excited about a new cleaning sponge at the kitchen sink. 278. Yes of course I am athletic... I surf the Internet every day. 279. I'm not weird, I'm just limited edition. 280. Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl's best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake. 281. Of course I talk to myself... sometimes I need expert advice. 282. If Monday had a face... I would punch it. 283. I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent. 284. I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad! 285. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. 286. I really should do something with my life... maybe tomorrow. 287. I have reached a point in life where I feel it is no longer necessary to try & impress anyone. If they like me the way I am, good & if they don’t, it’s their loss. 288. You can’t compare me to the next girl. Because there is no competition. I’m one of a kind, and that’s real. 289. An attitude is an inward thought that wiggles its way out. 290. I’m not cranky. I just have a violent reaction to stupid people. 291. I might not be someone’s first choice, but I am a great choice. I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not, because I’m good at being me. I might not be proud of some of the things I’ve done in the past, but I’m proud of who I am today. I may not be perfect, but I don’t need to be. I am the way God made me. Take me as I am or watch me as I walk away. 292. There can be no positive result through negative attitude. Think positive. Live positive. 293. A bad attitude can literally block love, blessings and destiny from finding you. Don’t be the reason you don’t succeed. 294. Like me for who I am and not for who you want me to be. Take it or leave it. That simple. 295. What others think of me is none of my business. 296. Love me or hate me I’m still gonna shine. 297. Keep your face towards the sunshine, you will never see the shadow. 298. I’m only responsible for what I say not for what you understand… 299. Some days I wish I had the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old, and the energy of a 3 year old. 300. I know that Einstein's theory of relativity is correct because every weekend goes by twice as fast as normal. 301. Smiles are contagious... be a carrier. 302. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing! 303. Relax, it's the weekend... just don't blink or it will be all over. 304. To thrive in life you need three bones. A wish bone, a back bone, and a funny bone. 305. It's so hot outside that I went to buy vegetables, and by the time I got home they turned into soup already. 306. Please cancel my subscription to your issues. 307. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. 308. I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money! 309. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that's confusing. 310. Never judge a book by it's movie. 311. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it. 312. Exercise? I thought you said extra fries! 313. I hate mosquitoes. I mean, I know I am delicious, but I don't give out free samples. 314. Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you? 315. So you’re a player? Nice to meet you, I’m the coach. 316. If taking a shower is bad for the environment, I know I’m doing the world a big favor!;) 317. For those of you complaining you can’t sleep, LOG OFF FACEBOOK! It’s a proven fact that it’s impossible to sleep while facebooking. 318. David loves animals. Especially the sweet and sour chicken. 319. Liking your own status is like high fiving yourself in the face. 320. I wish that I could put my status to what I am really thinking. 321. I should change my name to No One, that way when I request you as a friend it will say “No One wants to be your friend”. 322. I should change my name to No One, that way when I request you as a friend it will say “No One wants to be your friend”. 323. The person who has ruined my life is one and only Mark Zuckerberg :D 324. Who needs TV we got Facebook DRAMA.

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325. Go away don’t talk to me right now cause it’s my break time and I’m on FB mode… 326. Has implemented a healthy routine, affecting immediately . Very basic and it’s free – Nap Time!! 327. If the world really ends in 2012, I wasted my whole life in school. 328. Dear Facebook: They are not “Suggested friends.” They’re people I’m intentionally trying to avoid. 329. I don’t care what you think of me! Unless you think I’m awesome – in which case, you’re right! Carry on… 330. Don’t run after him who tries to avoid you..! 331. I just want to be left alone, is it hard. I don’t wanna talk because it ain’t going anywhere, let me be. I’ll be fine because I’m stronger than you think I am, I will not be defeated. 332. Treat me like a queen and I’ll treat you like my king. Treat me like a game. And I’ll show you how it’s played. 333. I’m just a mirror for you, You are good, I’m best, You are bad, I’m worst. 334. Don’t get my personality and my attitude twisted, because my personality is me, and my attitude depends on you! 335. Life: Besides gravity, nothing keeps me down. 336. I don’t follow others, I only follow my orders because I am my own boss. 337. Whatever life gives you, even if it hurts, just be strong & act like you’re okay. Strong walls shake, but never collapse. 338. My attitude is based on the way you treat me. 339. I let my haters be my motivators. 340. Attitude is not what you learn from school, it is part of your nature from within.

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