#when my mom doesn't pay enough attention to synonyms

[quill-of-thoth]

Due to a family game of telephone, my mom told me yesterday morning on the way to a family graduation that my cousin's in-laws' giant "service" dog is part wolf. Mom has always been kinda nervous around him, because he is the size of a small pony and extremely serious... and her mental picture of me is apparently of me at seven flinging myself bodily on every large dog I have the good fortune to see. In reality, this dog, who I see at baseball games sometimes, provides the "service" of obsessively guarding my cousin's mother-in-law. He assigned himself this job, and cannot be persuaded to stop. But it' genuinely helping the mother in-law, who is getting up there and starting to get frail. She got him the leash that says service dog before she recently got on oxygen, so people would stop asking to pet him because he's an abused rescue with a mouth large enough to do serious damage. And because he looks mostly like a german shepherd (size holy fucking direwolf,) and people are stupid. He also prevents crowds from knocking her over with her oxygen tank and cane, by dint of clearing a two to four foot wide halo around her with his glare. They're training him to fetch another human if she takes a fall, or at least trying to. It isn't going well, because he has an objection to leaving her unguarded. He will politely ignore other dogs, all preteen children, and the vast majority of women. Men are considered acceptable if they act calm and introduce themselves properly. Since I am no longer seven, my relationship with this extra large canine is that he arrives at an event, makes a growly little grumble at me to remind me that he is a bodyguard and I better remember it, then smells my hand and lets me pet him as long as he can keep an eye on his principal. You can bury your hand up to the wrist in his fur if he has decided you are an acceptable companion for his principal, so I did not necessarily question my mom's assertion that he was part wolf, because she said it came from a genetics test (so it could be a good few generations back) and also because after whatever trauma was in his previous life, someone hauled him to the animal shelter from fuck-nowheresville Wyoming. Where most people searching for a dog looked at him, staring at them, not wagging, and thought, like our prehistoric ancestors "If I'm gonna feed that thing, it's going to be strictly so he never gets hungry enough to bother trying to eat ME." My cousin's mother in law came in, in her bird-boned five nothing frame, and thought "he's perfect" and named him Panzer. Yes, she named him tank, but in German. (She also thought he was the Andre the giant of german shepherds.) Her husband looked at him walking out at her heel, and thought "it's been five minutes and that dog worships my wife and might be smarter than half my relatives" and gave in to the inevitable. Panzer treats him as the only acceptable substitute guardian for his principal, the queen of rescue dogs, which is the highest honor any man is gonna get from him. According to Panzer, her son and grandsons are mere servants of the queen. Trusted, but not sworn to her defense. Others (daughters in law, children, other old ladies with booze, assorted distant relatives) are allowed to petition the queen, with the strict understanding that bribing him with taco meat won't get him to change his vigil: He'll just take any bribe you're stupid enough to give him and get back to work. So at my cousin's kid's graduation party today, I sat on the stoop, nearly elbow deep in Panzer's ruff fur, thinking of gallusrostromegalus' wolfdog stories. I decided that Panzer's wolfy ancestor must be at least a couple generations back, and went back to chatting with the old ladies who were either gossiping, or heckling the teenage boys playing bags. One of my other cousins' kids barreled in, bearing a lizard for me to photograph, and Panzer inspected the lizard, found it harmless, and returned to his stoic watch. "Oh yeah," I said to the queen of rescue dogs, once I finished my duty as lizard paparazzo and the lizard was released from the red carpet, "My mom tells me you had a genetics test done on Panz. She said he was german shepherd and sheepdog and something else?" "Oh yes, he's German Shepherd, some kind of balkan sheepdog, and Czechloslovakian Wolfhound."

Needless to say, I teased my mother for confusing Wolfhound with Wolf dog half of the ride home. Before we left, Panzer reminded me that I should bring the queen food based tribute, and that he was her official food taster.

[ozis-paradise]

ØZI for Tatler

published july 3rd, 2020

[translated by me, proofread by @baobeejun]

Free like water, a born star! From Irene Yeh's son to the new king of popular music, the dazzling star you need to know: ØZI!

Bright red highlighted hair, equally red earpieces hanging around his neck. The boy with eye-catching tattoos is sitting on the make-up chair, skipping his feet while eating breakfast and he exudes a rebellious and free, yet delicate and pure atmosphere. Soon after his debut, he was shortlisted for six Golden Melody Awards last year and won Best New Artist. At the mention of his name, everyone will exclaime admiration and excitement, ØZI seems to have become a synonym of "cool" and "red" among the younger generation.

"I think I'm too rational, 100% rational, I should also be a little sentimental." This cool-looking artist was told by his agent that "his temper is very good, he most likely won't look angry." Isn't it a little unexpected for a rational rapper to be so talkative? Doesn't he also like to drink beverages with either honey or strawberry? Everytime ØZI gives a new answer, people have to reconstruct the imagine they already had in mind of him, contrasting to his appearance there is a vibrant and rich soul ready to stir trouble (in a "catching peoples attention" kinda way). Speaking of his definition of freedom, ØZI jokes "Freedom means that my agent won't call me, no work, blocking my agent's calls!" But in fact, the interpretation of freedom in his heart is somewhat aloof and mature: "Because society has a lot of rules, as far as I can tell, no-one is free; from family, love to friendship, they all have their own rules. But freedom comes from inner stability, it should be "like water", just then you're free. When it is placed in different containers, it becomes it's shape, it can adapt to every environment; to me, this state is freedom, because you can be free from restrictions and confined space."

When asked if he's free now, he mutters "Not necessarily, sometimes I get stuck when my inspiration runs out. It's been a little better lately, it wasn't like water in the second half of last year, instead it was more like ice cubes!" Last year was too busy to think, it was described by ØZI "like the mind is drying out". And because of his plans to go to the United States to relax at the beginning of this year - he didn't expect the immediate outbreak to happen - he got more time to produce, "I'm free now, I'm simply water now!", he smiles.

Living in a prominent family of performing artists - his mother Ye Ailing is an all-round entertainer, his father Chen Wenbin is a well-known photographer - ØZI's creative path can be said to be expected. Because his parents are both in the industry, he grew up in a musical environment ever since he was a child. But when it comes to his own creations, in fact, ØZI liked to draw as a kid. In Junior High, he liked to make and arrange music, in High School he began to write melodies, lyrics, from drawings to producing movies, "creations" of change because as a child, he liked to be "original" about this. He had six Music Videos, all on his iPhone. "At first, my dad said that there were a lot of problems with my Music Videos, so I was trying hard to improve, I learned about lighting and so on, just to prove that my Music Videos can look good, I wanted to get his approval!"

The requirement of children of celebrities is a blessing but it's hard to hold a grasp of it, it's difficult to excuse mistakes. The music world describes it as "to be born a Super Saiyan (means something like "Second-Generation-Star" because he's the son of famous parents). ØZI explains: "I was just lucky to be born into a musical family, I have enough space to be understood and supported. My dad knows what it's like to be a creator, my mom knows what it's like to be a performer. So I had the chance to train to become a Super Saiyan." It's a double edged sword, everyone was paying close attention when ØZI was nominated at the Golden Melody Awards. "After the rookie award, in addition to putting myself under a lot of pressure, I didn't change any of my creative motives and I'm very expressive. So if you don't get rewarded, you get mad at yourself." Maybe stress occasionally hinders his creative work, but at the same time, it's also a sign of determination to succeed and break through the golden sunken ship.

ØZI's first well-known Chinese song "Title" is about not being bind by anything, about wanting to have more freedom, more creative freedom for everyone. He's been making music for his "mission to internationalize Chinese Music" from the very beginning. "The internationalisation is something that not everyone can do, we listen to music from Latin America, Hip-Hop, K-Pop, it's all because of their atmosphere. For me, every artist has their own way of interpretating their culture. It's very important to let everyone know "Oh, that's C-Pop!"" And the new plans of ØZI will be followed by the release of some singles, a new album will also be released this year. He also revealed that he's working on three different projects at the same time now, experimental and core concept types. There's even a project that's "looking for the next stage of ØZI" trying to give his music a new image. "There will be a lot of music you have never heard from ØZI before, some experimental music, I can't reveal much!"

He's 100% rational when it comes to his family, but his sentimental tone betrayed him; when he talks about music, he becomes serious. Introducing his new tattoo is as exciting as being a little boy. His soul is free, but "ØZI" still has a lot of unavoidable restrictions.

"ØZI is the character I created, he's the embodiment of self-confidence, he has to be perfect. The self-confidence this character needs will be infused into my spirit, but this is only one part of it", he says slowly. With his high and straight nose bridge and the fine and smooth line of his chin, ØZI looks somewhat like his mother Ye Ailing; but he has taken off the label of being a celebrity's child, that used to stick on him tightly, a long time ago already. He's ØZI, free like water, a born star.

TATLER discusses with ØZI

What do you do to pass the time that make a perfect holiday?

Go to the beach of an uninhabited island alone or with a group of friends, lie on the beach and drink cocktails, read a book, maybe listen to music, sleep.

What do you like to do the most when you don't have to work?

Playing video games, eating, getting a massage, sleeping, watching Netflix.

If you could have one drink with an idol, who would it be?

Canadian Rapper/Singer Drake! So I can understand his logic of running his OVO Empire and see if I can absorb it and apply it on my own label.

Your motto?

The tattoo on my leg, it's a famous quote from "Batman: The Dark Knight Rises": "Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up."

Who is your life idol? Why?

Christopher Nolan, the director of "Inception"! Actually, everyone who gives me inspiration for a period of time is my idol.

What would you recommend to watch on Netflix?

I actually watch anything, from serious "13th" to pure entertaining "Too Hot To Handle", I want to absorb different elements.

Please define freedom in one sentence?

Be like Water!

Which abroad city do you want to visit first after the ban gets lifted?

Greece! I went there for the first time when I was shooting the MV to "Paradise Island", and I thought I have to come back when I get the chance to! It has a peaceful charm between the island and the city, it has their own ancient culture and beach parties, everyone is very relaxed and the atmosphere is very cool.

Favourite drink?

Apple Milk or Honey Water, I like the Honey or Strawberry kind.

When your mood is low, what do you do to cheer up?

Playing video games, hanging out with friends, working out.

What games have you been playing lately?

The remake of Final Fantasy 7, the graphics have changed very beautifully.