#when santa and james did a video together a few weeks ago i was BEGGING for pond to join them

[pondphuwin]

pond, james, and santa together! dance video coming soon? 👀

(via james's instagram story)

[ohtheseboysilove]

Insanely yours III/III [Ben Hardy x F!Reader]

Words : 3,400 K +

Warnings :angsty angst my friends, language, ugly crying

Summary : Ben is being weird. You found the reason when you come back home earlier than expected.

Note : Shit I’m super excited for this chapter, so it would be the last part I will do a epilogue, I already have few ideas in mind for it...Please don’t hate for the ending and instead answered the question at the bottom of the chapter lovie ;) And please, keep on mind, break-up is painful and reader was very in love with our Benny boy so yeah it’s hard for her !

Masterlist & Requests

! EPILOGUE IS COMING ASAP !

@/ none of these gifs are mine!

The first three weeks after the break-up, you didn’t hear a word from Ben. You didn’t know if you were satisfied or sad about it. No matter how much he hurt you and how deeply you wanted to erase him from your mind, he had been the most important person in you life during the last four years, getting over him would take time, unfortunately. A tiny part of you even wished for him to come back and begged you to forgive him and let him come home. You knew you would, the sadness was so much more painful than the anger, you would forgive him in a heartbeat if it could stop the ache in your heart.

He finally texted a morning asking when he could come to grab the rest of his affairs. The ones you didn’t threw by the window. You hid in the guest room with Lennon all the time he was around. When he left he asked to take Frankie with him.

“I’m sorry” He murmured as you gave him the bag you had prepare for him with Frankie’ stuffs inside. Her favourite toy to chew. Her sparkling pink leash. This awful Santa Claus’ hat Ben insisted to buy her.  All of her stuffs were gone. As well as Ben’s. You only kept the blanket where she loved to nap, her scent still on it. And you did the same with Ben’s X-men tee-shirt. For the exact same reason. He asked you about it and you said you didn’t know where his clothe was, he saw the lie in your eyes but he didn’t insist.

You hugged Frankie tightly during five good minutes and Ben did the same with Lennon before they definitively left the house. Once again this night you fell asleep crying and curled up on the sofa. The only difference this time was Lennon crying too, wondering why you were both alone. She hated it as much as you did.

 Two months after the break-up

Months were long and slow. Painfully empty. You asked your boss for shorter shifts at work, you were earning less money but it was enough for the small flat you found for you and Lennon. You renounced to go back to your parent’s, you could barely supported the sadness of your mom’s voice thought the phone. Your friends were wondering when you will come back around, you only told them that you and Ben decided to take separated ways. They were all shocked, gushing about how perfect you were together. You thought the same but like them, you were wrong.

Life wasn’t treating you very good. You were exhausted all the time, everything made you think about Ben and you couldn’t do anything about it.

This stupid advert on the t.v about this new barbecue that Ben wanted to buy for months ? Yep you cried and hid it in the corner of the garden where you couldn’t see it.

Lennon’ sad face and low ears as she waited patiently for Ben and Frankie to come home ? You cried yourself asleep next to her, apologising for her pain.

The phone call to your cousin where you had to tell her you would come alone at her wedding ? Awful. Humiliating. Heart broken.

You and Ben’s favourite song playing in the supermarket when you were about to pay ? How honey, you looked like a racoon and worried to death that poor cashier.

You stopped wearing makeup after this incident.

Joe’s instagram post where Ben and him were chilling in Brighton, wide smile and beer in hand ? Like a punch right in your gut.

The little comment that Joe added under the picture few days after and you noticed because you looked at this picture fifty times everyday ? Picture by the sweet @VirginiaMorrison xx…

You didn’t eat for two whole days.

And you could go on forever with the examples but the worst time was probably when your sister and her little family came see your new place even if you didn’t want to, she insisted. James want to see her favourite auntie! She said.

James was two years and half, blond like his mother and get the big greenish eyes of his father. Yes, could have been Ben’ son. You had kept yourself together for thirty minutes before you hid in the bathroom, sobbing uncontrollably as the thought of this baby that you and Ben would never have together. And oh honey, you cried so much this day, mourning all the life you were supposed to have with Ben. His warm hand gently rubbed against you growing tummy, you imagined this scene so many time. But even imagined wasn’t possible anymore, he took you that away and the only thing you would see now was Ben’s warm hand on Virginia’s growing tummy. She could dream about it but you, you weren’t allow anymore.

Four months after the break-up

You weren’t in better shape than the first day of your newest single life. You lost too much weight for you own taste and fought with your demons everyday.

You can do it. You can be happy without Ben. You did it before he entered your life. You can– no, you will do it again In your own time, slowly but surely.

You started thinking a tiny bit less about Ben, giving your heart some healing time during the day. The nights were the worst, you were so use to fall asleep in his arms, embalming with his scent and sleepy voice. You still slept on the sofa, the guest bed was too large, too cold and to foreign to rest on it.

You didn’t stop stalking him on Instagram, you forced yourself to do it only once a day, you would come back from work in the evening. You were a bit obsess but honestly you needed to know what he was doing. Where he was. And with who. He didn’t post a lot, just some silly picture of him and the borhap boys, or from his new photo shoots. Nothing else. Virginia where nowhere to be seen, thankfully. She was probably still around but the last thing you needed right now was of fluffy picture of your ex and his new girl. Could seriously kicked in your healing process.

But you did, finally, deleted all the thousand of pictures of you and Ben on your phone. And on your laptop. Alright, you maybe kept one or two, but only your favourites and it was already a big step for you.

Surprisingly, Ben texted you one day. Can I call you, please ? It’s important. You had delete his number in your phone but your brain didn’t, sadly. You ere dying to hear his voice again, for real, not just on the video YouTube you watched few times...But, proudly you just told him to fuck off and swore to yourself to not replied to him. You were done with this asshole. And you meant it. But then the next text came up : It’s about Frankie, please (Y/N).

You called him the very next second, completely freaking out about what had happen to your sweet dog. Well nothing happened to Frankie. Except that her dad fell for a real bitch. Ben was full of shame, you could hear it through the phone. He asked you if you could take his dog back at your place. Couldn’t keep it because Virginia was allergic. He hesitated a second before saying that and you knew he was lying about, she wasn’t allergic but more probably didn’t want hairs’ dog and mud in her flat. And Ben accepted it, you couldn’t believe it. He was ready to give up on his dog who he got more than five years ago for this girl he knew for what ? Less than a year ? Fucking coward.

He came to your place the very next day, his face devoured by the remorse. His eyes were watering dangerously when you opened the door, you ignored him and greeted cheerfully Frankie. Lennon, on the other hand, jumped toward Ben, completely hysterical to see her dad and sister after so long. That when he started crying, silently and shamefully.

“Thank you for doing that (Y/N)” He said with a broken voice.

“Don’t thank me, I’m doing that for Frankie, not you. You don’t deserved her anymore.” Your tone was so cold, both of Ben and you were surprised but you were proud. Inside you wanted to cry at his sight but on the outside, you seemed perfectly fine.

“I know” For once he didn’t try to excuse his shitty behaviour, nice change.

He crouched down and stroked Frankie and Lennon’s furs, tears rolling quietly on his cheeks. It pained you to see him like this, you couldn’t lie about this. You knew how much he loved the girls but it was his own choice. He apologised to Frankie at least a thousand time before stood up again, ready to leave.

“Ben” You called him when he turned to leave. He looked at you and for a very brief second you really thought you were about to burst in cry. But you didn’t. “Frankie is mine now, don’t even think to get her back when you and your girlfriend would be over”

He sighed sadly but still nodded. You were about to close the door when this time, he called you back.

“I wanted to say...I’m really sorry for how things ended between us” You clenched your jaw roughly, not believing the audacity of the man in front of you. At your lack of replied, he continued : You look better, seems like you’re doing good.

“I’m not” You chocked out, the pain burning your chest. “You cheated on me, you dumbed me and all you dare come to my place for abandoning your dog, saying that I look good ?” You were yelling now, this man was so full of shit, unbelievable. “I’m not good, I’m heart broken because of you Ben, so now please leave me the fuck alone. Don’t call me or text or even think about me, just pretend I never existed. I don’t want to see you ever again.” You wiped away the only tear which escaped from your eyes.

Ben sniffled and once again, nodded at your request.

“You truly are an amazing person and you deserved so much better than me. I’m sure you will find the person will make you happy one day.” He gave you a timid smile. “I...I wish you the best in the future, (Y/N).  

But his smile fell as soon as the words escaped your mouth :

“Well, I wish you to go fuck yourself Benjamin. You and your dumb bitch”

And you slammed the door on his face, exactly like you did months before.

Eight months after the break-up

Ben and Virginia weren’t a thing anymore. How you knew that ? Easy, last night, he showed up at your door around three in the morning, a slashed and crying mess. He apologised profusely, you understood few words between his hysterical hiccups but he was struggling to form a coherent sentence. You really wanted to let him on your doorstep but instead he ended snoring loudly on your sofa. He did hurt you, like no one ever did before, but you still cared about the man, it was pouring rain and you wouldn’t have closed an eyes knowing Ben was somewhere in the street in his state. And the press would have certainly found about it, and as much as he deserved a public humiliation, you knew how hard he worked for his acting – hell, you were his biggest support –, you wouldn’t do anything that could harm his career. Maybe you were too nice.

When you woke up, all alone, you went in the living room to find Ben still asleep, Frankie curled up against his chest and Lennon snoring behind his back, her head nuzzled onto his neck. This view made your heart jumped into your chest, tears watered in your eyes uncontrollably.  

Damn you Ben Jones.

Why did he fucked up everything ? You had a such nice little family with your two girls but no, he had to destroy it and for what ? A leggy brunette who could suck his dick whenever he wanted ? Men were fucking dumb.

“Hi” You ignored his greeting and continued to prepare your coffee, you could hear him coming behind you, the girls jumping happily on his legs. “Sorry for yesterday...I...didn’t have anywhere else to go” He admitted, his hand scratching awkwardly his neck.

You didn’t say a word and poured yourself a cup, you maybe had intentionally make just enough coffee for you, childish but still enjoyable. You sat at the table and pretended he didn’t exist, waiting for him to leave your flat. But of course he didn’t, he was rubbing Frankie’s belly and Lennon’s ears who were more than happy to see their dad again.

“I lied, okay ? I could have go to any of my friend’s apartment but the only place I wanted to go was home. To you (Y/N), and the girls, you’re my home and I did the biggest mistake of all my life when I broke up with you. I understood that only after I lost you”

You bit your lips, eyelashes blinking furiously to prevent any tears to fall. You were trying your best to not let his words reached your weak heart but shit it was hard. And this asshole saw it, he brought his chair closer where you were sitting, his hands gently grabbing yours. You immediately wiped it away like his touch burned your skin, giving him a dark look. He apologised quietly but stayed close to you, his leg brushing slightly against your knee.

“Please (Y/N), look at me. Please” His voice broke at the last word, making you swallowed thickly. You slowly raised your gaze, catching his glassy eyes and you knew you shouldn’t have done that. His shaking lip was trapped between his teeth and he sniffled silently, he looked absolutely heart broken.

He deserved it, this asshole broke your heart first, he cheated on you and said a lot of shitty things to you, don’t fall for his fucking puppy eyes.

“Ben, you should leave” You murmured weakly and you whined at your voice. You didn’t want him to leave and he easily guessed it, grabbing your hands again but this time you let him. His warm embrace around your hands could have made you sob right there but instead you pressed his hands tighter. “I hate you” You breathed and he nodded vigorously.

“I know you do, babe” He replied, one of this thumb circling gently on your skin, he used to do that when you were sad, knowing it help you relax. He knew everything about you and what to do to make you cave, this was so unfair. “I’m so sorry, my love. I should have never left you or cheated on you, I hate myself for what I did to you, I never regretted something so much, babe, you have to trust me”

You sniffled pathetically. Oh you wanted to believe him so fucking much.

“I can’t– I don’t trust you anymore Ben. Not after all you have done to me, I don’t think I could ever trust you again.” You replied and stood up brutally, you needed space between the two of you before something regrettable happen. “You destroyed our relationship, you threw away four years of our life like it was nothing and now it’s too late to fix it, you and me, it’s over.

“No, don’t say that (Y/N)” He followed you in the living room, shaking his head negatively. “Babe, I love you, I never stopped, not for a second. I...I was a stupid wanker who hurt the most beautiful person I had ever known and I will never forgive myself for that. But I need to tried to save our relationship, to save us.” You were crying now, avoiding his gaze. You dreamed about these words so many time but he didn’t deserve your forgiveness, you knew that and he did too but it just made the situation more complicated. “I know you still love me” He murmured quietly and his tone wasn’t confident, his eyes were pleading you to reassure him.

“It doesn’t matter Ben !” You groaned and wiped away your tears, he had no right to do that to you. You rubbed your face, trying to calm down your heavy breathing.

“Of course it matter ! If you still love me that mean there hope for us, we can save our relationship (Y/N) ! And I want nothing else, I swear babe, I’m ready to do anything to get you back, anything, just tell me !” He cupped your face, forcing you to look at his red and swollen eyes. “Tell me you still love me” He whispered so close to your face you could feel his warm breath tickling gently your skin.

“I do Benjamin” You replied bitterly. Of course you still loved him, love and hate are quite interlaced feelings. He sighed loudly, his shoulder sinking with relief. “I still in love with you, I tried to stop but I can’t” You confessed shamefully, you hated how weak you were in front of him, you were putty in his hands, completely helpless under his big green eyes.

“I love you (Y/N)” He kissed your forehead, making your heart twisted at the sensation, it had been so long since his lips touched your skin. “Now, tell me what to do to make amends to you my love, I will do anything” You shook negatively your head, taking a step back and he panicked at your gesture, “(Y/N), please. Do you want me to beg for your forgiveness ? Because I will, anything you want, just tell me !”

He dropped on his knees, his strong arms wrapping around your legs as he begged you, his face drowning under salty tears. You never saw him like in this state, never. It only broke your heart even more, you couldn’t stand Ben crying, you never did and you probably never will.

“Ben, please, stop...just stand up” You breathed loudly, trying to think coherently but it was complicated as the blond hid his face in your thighs, hiccups escaping his throat weakly.

“I fucked up (Y/N), I regretted it so much but– I love you, please !” His words were a bit muffled by your legs but you could still hear him, his cries echoing painfully in the room. “Please, I’m begging you, please, take me back ! Let me come home, please (Y/N)”

You closed your eyes for a second, what were you supposed to do ? You loved him, he loved you but. Could you really forgive his treason ? Could forget what you saw in your own bedroom this day ? You didn’t know. You were absolutely clueless. You always imagined your future with Ben in it but during these last months, you had to think differently and it was hard, yes but it also felt right after what he did. But in the other hand, you spent four years with this man that you loved from the bottom of your heart, he was supposed to become your husband then the father your children...The cute face of your nephew James came to your mind, his adorable blond locks and pretty green eyes, this could be your future, what you always wanted.

It was too much, too many feelings fighting inside your chest and mind. You legs were wiggly from all the tension so you slowly sat in front of Ben, both of you breathing roughly.

“(Y/N), my love” He grabbed your cheeks gently, wiping away your tears and let his forehead falling against yours. His glassy eyes staring at you so intensely that you couldn’t look away. “Please give me a second chance”

Your chocked on a sob at his words, the pressure crushing you as he needed an answer, now.

Yes! was screaming your heart. No! Was yelling your brain. The inner conflict giving you a massive headache.

“Ben...I...I can’t–“

But he pressed his lips on yours before you could give him any answer. And you kissed him back. In a heartbeat. You missed his touch so much, how taste, his scent, his warm, everything about him. You felt the hole in your chest immediately closed back, like if his kiss was swallowing your pain away.

 It was the first time in months that you didn’t sad or angry, just complete.

! IMPORTANT NOTE !

im so sorry I couldn’t resist to end the chapter this way but keep your shit together it’s not over yet. What do you think, reader should forgive Benny boy or not ? I’m not sure yet for the epilogue so your opinion really matter guy !                  

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