#which i totally dig in general. however currently i just dont have the capacity for that in the context of like watching a whole ass show

[hopeheartfilia]

if you want to know what kind of person i am, ive almost finished sanguine, the word of honor fic, while i am still yet to finish the actual show, nor have i red faraway wanderers yet

[clairedelunetunes]

The multiple intelligence inventory is one way of assessing one’s strengths and weaknesses according to the kind of intelligence that they are more likely to lean towards to. This is not totally a hundred percent applicable to everyone but it gives the person an idea on where they excel and where they underperform. I took the test and unsurprisingly I belonged to the introspective group wherein my top 3 learning styles belong. Introspection denotes that one requires looking inward by the learner; an emotive connection to their own experiences and beliefs in order to make sense of new learning. It isn’t surprising to me because I’ve been told recently that I seem like an introspective person with the way I express my thoughts and feelings towards something. This person can be intrapersonal (includes understanding and appreciating one's innermost feelings) , existentialist (the ability to be sensitive to, or have the capacity for tackling deeper or larger questions about human existence), and/or visual (learn best visually and organizing things spatially). Observing these results, I can understand why I appear to be empathetic towards people, why I prefer to look at the big picture first, and why I need to visualize for me to learn better. On the other hand, my least learning style appears to be the logical one. This person is good at reasoning, recognizing patterns, and logically analyzing problems which is not exactly my forte. I still need to work on my abstract reasoning and comprehending patterns and the likes. This may not be an unfamiliar ground to me but this is just a reminder that not everyone can be good at too many things all at once.

In relation to the type of intelligence that was put out for me, it is understandable why my special skills or abilities lean towards the works of the mind. I am never an active or a musical or a socialite person. With that being said, I mostly focus on the internalization of my thoughts and managing my emotions in the sense that when it comes to decision-making, I don’t let those get in the way. I can cope up with challenges and learn new information by making them prior knowledge which can be useful later on. I am the type to not mind working under pressure. In fact, I find it challenging and the adrenaline rush that comes with it is exhilarating. To not have aphantasia, in which some people are unable to visualise mental images, is a blessing itself. As a huge visual learner, I remember things and faces very well so I don’t have a hard time to recognize afterwards.

There are instances wherein certain factors hinder a person to achieve their goals in life. In the academic field, it’s the smallest things that continuously occurs that affect what I want to attain for the most part. It can be the the lack of proper time management, the distractions which I naturally entertain, and the procrastination that every student seems to do. I usually have my bullet journal where I keep track of the deadlines or activities to do but then procrastinating happens it inevitably leads to cramming which isn’t the most effective action to resort to. Mind you, I procrastinate all the time and still gets things done and maybe that’s why I don’t mind doing it again. Another thing is that I have a hard time focusing for a long period of time. I get easily distracted with the things that do not matter at that moment. It can be my phone, or the food waiting in the refrigerator, or the kids playing outdside the house. Since thent it’s difficult to get back in track and procrastination is more likely to be my calling. However, I slowly seek to completely change that habit because I am aware that it wouldn’t help me in the future and I don’t want it to be a thing that lasts. To be able to do that, I need to set my priorities straight. What things matter the most right now? Will they be affected if I do them later on instead? When you start doing things at your own pace, the rest will follow accordingly.

The thing with being an ambitious and competitive person is that despite having those traits, I am still not able to give a 100% of what I can do. It’s like a 40% of myself is active and the rest are still dormant. Yes, I strive harder. Yes, I begin to take risks as much as I can. However, it seems that the word ‘enough’ is currently not in my vocabulary. It is in the sense that what may seem to be enough to others is still below average to me. I aced the test? Good for me. I lead the group? I’m learning to do so. But these things are only a fraction of what I do and what should I be doing. This is where my ideal self and actual self turn sour. The standards I have set for myself are high that they appear to be unattainable. But then how do you improve if you don’t continue to aim more. It contradicts to what I am because if I seek to accomplish more then why do I still hold back? Although I take risks, it takes a lot of contemplating and inner monologues for me to do so. To take a step forward is a huge decision for me and so I prefer to just stay put instead. I wish to be a person who is in control of leading others, or being able to join extracurricular activities without a lot of uncertainties that come with it. All it takes to do so is a scary leap of faith even if it does seem so far away.

People say that what good would it bring if you only survive and not live at all. There is a fine line between wanting to live and wanting to survive. You’d either live because there is a purpose in your life or you’ll only survive because that’s the only thing you can afford to do. In my 18 years of existence, which sounds really cliche now that I think about it, is still a ridiculously young age. Just because you’ve turned ‘legal’ doesn’t mean you’d automatically know everything. You’d start to become responsible for your well-being and suddenly youre slowly becoming an adult. There is not much that I have attained during my pre-18 years but that doesn’t equate to your life being meaningless. I am not a person who is hands on to a lot of the matters around me. I was never the center of attention and that’s fine. I wasn’t praised highly and that’s also okay. My achievements so far don’t usually lie on the material side of the spectrum but more on the mental and inner aspect instead. If you count being consistent in academics then that is one. As a person who relies heavily on guts, or being an indecisive person generally, being able to choose the path i’d take on college is a whole achievement itself. College is a different world to dig in and it’s not something that one should take lightly. Simpler things such as being able to do your designated tasks of the day or taking leisure after a dull and restless moment is a huge feat already. Your achievement doesn’t always have to be grand. If it makes you feel accomplished doing them and a weight is removed off your shoulders then I am proud of you. You’re doing great and better and greater things will take place as you continue to live.

Happiness ranges from what you wish for others and what you wish for yourself. There’s no rule created on what things should make you happy. I find happiness on the smallest things which is a warm feeling inside of me. It can be the fact that I had a decent sleep, a compliment from someone, or just the fact that I am here to witness the moment I’ve been waiting for. A huge part of my happiness is through reading. The feeling of relief, warmth, and comfort after flipping through the pages or device equates to happiness. “I am glad you’ve let me inside your head. That mind of yours is swirling with ideas and you cannot not put it into words because you’ll blow up and that doesn’t seem good”. The mind is a fickle thing but it also brings the best in a person. Another thing is music. The feeling of hearing a familiar and unfamiliar song. The genre you’ve found the least fond of but it shocked you because it hit the deepest parts of yourself. Music transcends language. You dont have to completely understand it for it to shake you to the core. Life without music is like a library without the books. The Korean group called BTS made a huge impact in my life. The burst of relief, the instant serotonin you have maybe found in your instruments, or to your sports, or to your games, I have found it in them. The message their music brings, the goodness of their hearts, and the hardwork they always have are few of the reasons why a lot of people look up to them. I treat them as people whom I have the respect and admiration for and I don’t think that will change anytime soon They instantly radiate happiness and isn’t that what this is about?