#which is an explanation that doesn't need a ten page essay defending it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

black-rose-irl · 1 year

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Trying to explain to someone that this thing that they do for fun was actually like, really traumatic for you the last time you did it (and is pretty directly responsible for you ending up on antidepressants) and that the mere suggestion to do it again triggers your fight or flight response, is really something.

#irl stuff #vent post #cw self harm #it's about fucking ballroom dancing lessons #my brother needs to learn ballroom dancing and mom suggested I go be his partner #yeah no #I'd rather break my legs #not even exaggerating #shit sent me into a massive depressive spiral last time #ballroom dancing lessons were fucking torture for me in every way possible #and I don't really have the words to explain that to my mom #because for some reason she expects me to have a perfectly rational and explainably reason why it was traumatic for me #she does this for fun #I feel like an animal about to gnaw off its own leg to escape a trap at the mention of it #my saving grace is that the lessons are sunday evening and I have school in a different city monday morning #so I have to leave sunday afternoon #which is an explanation that doesn't need a ten page essay defending it #unlike 'It was traumatic and makes me want to hurt myself just thinking about it'#because mom expects my mental illnesses to have a rational reason for this shit #that's not how mental illness works #that's not how any of this works #and honestly my hatred of ballroom dancing (or any organised group physical activity) is probably one of my more rational feelings #and people think autistic people are the ones without empathy smh #sorry I'm rambling

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