#which is to say that I don't even know it's intentionally vague it's Schrodinger's sarcasm
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I'm not narcissistic* I just unrelatedly have a complicated relationship with self esteem a need for external validation a constant hunger for attention trouble connecting with humans and struggles with delusions of grandeur due to trauma some of which can impair my ability to function not everything is the last disorder I learned about and tried to understand with my big broken empathy that often overshoots and does things like make me feel drunk if I think about a drunk person for top long without ever having been drunk
*this post is pro NPD I'm just anti incorrectly self diagnosing myself because if I wasn't I'd be hoarding all the disorders
#sfw#personal#ok to reblog#am I being sarcastic? no... unless I am but I'm not but I could be if I was but I can't be cuz I ain't#which is to say that I don't even know it's intentionally vague it's Schrodinger's sarcasm#if it's silly to say I'm not narcissistic then I'm sarcastic but if it's incorrect to say that I am narcissistic then I'm not sarcastic#but I'm not. right? because I shouldn't be because that would be weird because I'm not. right? I'm not because that's not mine.#oh actually I know what I'm trying to say it's that I never suspected this when I was younger and everything else I kinda already knew#I can't just have a disorder that had 0 foreshadowing#that's not a real reason but it explains why I've felt like it inherently shouldn't be a thing#regardless there are logical reasons to deny it but it's nice to know where that less rational feeling came from#my life doesn't do shock value plot twists it's all about the foreshadowing. to the point of um.#yeah no that's like uh. I'm gonna stop now that's prime delusion material.#tw unreality#cw unreality#because I believe my life must adhere to narrative rules and that's a thing I'm aware isn't supposed to be real 👍#what was I talking about#I think I was done really. send post.
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