#which sounds stupid to even mention but i am sort of agoraphobic and hadnt. managed to get one since september of last year or so
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i feel like im not actually connected to the world anymore like i used to be and i lost whatever i had
#and now im just waiting to die orsomething#idk#i feel like norman shouldnt have gone without me#unfair#im not even a person anymore#im uselss and a disappointment to all#i can just drive#i miss having friends and being a part of a group who noticed when i wasnt there yaknow? like#a society#i feel like i slipped out somehow and i dont see people smiling anymore or enjoy sunlight on leaves or feel hopeful#i dont know when i got to be so depressed but#i managed to get a hair cut today#which sounds stupid to even mention but i am sort of agoraphobic and hadnt. managed to get one since september of last year or so#i looked stupid#the other day i went into a store with my sister and a woman was very chatty with me so i bought her a slushie and it was sweet how happy#that made her#so im just being dramatic you know its nice when someone smiles at you like directed at you#and like i did feel the sun on my arm while driving today and it felt nice and i can change as a person whenever i want#i dont like living in the city i think#i dont know what i want but i gotta make changes you know#start smoking and get a tattoo or something#i guess a lot of this is just regan and i arent that friendly right now and its making me sad#shes just busy#kinda a little bit makes me sad it was so nice when we started dating and we flirted a lot now its like im just a fixture that needs mainte#ance#everyso often#and my cats still dead#and his brother is dying#hes got lymphoma#i guess thats why im sad and sayng all this today
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