#who you ship doesn't always reflect your personal values and that's okay

[asexualandalwaysshipping]

My personal gripe when it comes to shipping culture isn't just when people choose to hate on other ships that aren't their otp, but when they choose to be purposely obtuse as to why people may ship a certain pair despite the "ethics" of the relationship. "But that relationship is so inappropriate!" It's the same issue where people just assume because you interact with a certain piece of media, it must mean you support everything that media portrays, as though critical thinking doesn't exist anymore.

I just saw a post where someone was going on about how they don't understand how people can ship catwin because of the age difference and power dynamic and called people who shipped them "weird." That's just such an unfair conclusion, considering the show itself does not attempt to hide the fact that there is supposed to be clear chemistry and attraction between Edwin and the Cat King. So you're going to criticize people for literally responding the way the writers intended? It's not as though this person doesn't actually understand why people ship catwin — they just wanted to frame it as though people either purposely ignore the supposed "age difference" or support power imbalances when it's obvious catwin appeals to people because of the dynamic the characters have with each other. The attraction towards Catwin isn't centered on the power imbalance at all — it's about the character's interactions and the way one complements the other.

If we're looking at a more controversial ship, Sebaciel has much more problematic elements to it, with Ciel being a literal child. But it's not as though you can't understand why it's a ship when the author is so obvious about how the relationship is meant to be suggestive. The ship has aspects to it beyond the pedophilia. It's not as though people who ship Sebaciel support everything about it, but the chemistry between Sebastian and Ciel, which again, is purposefully placed there, has appeal.

I personally, am not a supporter of Zutara. For me, it just seems like too obvious of a pairing what with fire always being associated with water and all. But not just that, I just don't like the idea of a relationship based on forgiving and falling in love with someone who had an active role in the terrorizing of your people. Zuko literally threatens Katara's village in the first episode. Yes, he's redeems himself and I do like him as a character, but for me, it's difficult to ignore when considering him as a love interest for Katara. But I'm not going around calling all Zutura shippers problematic for shipping these two, because I have enough sense to know why people ship them. It's a classic enemies to lovers. They clearly care for each other. There are parallels in their individual personal journeys that complement each other. I get it.

It's just really ignorant to act as though a ship has to be completely unproblematic in order to justify the support or to only see a ship for its most offensive aspects. Different fandoms hold different standards, and we tend to cherry-pick what we support in order to push our own agendas/ships, so not only is hating on ships unnecessary, it's hypocritical.

[lyricfulloflight]

That’s the one thing I don’t understand - like it’s totally okay to dislike a ship and the reasons can be varied or as simple as you’d like. No one really needs a reason to dislike something I get that and that’s why the appropriate tags exist.

But like I’ve seen some of the things being thrown around both around BT and BE and I’m like okay guys shipping one thing over another doesnt make you better and being actively mean about it isn’t gonna change anything.

Why can’t we just enjoy what each fandom got? Buddie had some nice (if heartbreaking) scenes and BT had a cute date. I am new to 911 but like I’m surprised by how mean and almost like condescending some people have gotten and how quick they’re to call out one fandoms behavior without being like friend we are also doing that.

And I was in the kc fandom lol things got wild there.

Oooof sorry for the rant. Things just seem really intense since last night and I might have to do some unfollowing.

Assuming were talking the Klaroline kc fandom, I was in that one too :)

And maybe my memory isn't the best, but I don't remember things getting this vicious all the time either.

I do think fandom has changed in the sense that morality has been attached to shipping in such a weird way. Instead of shipping just being a personal preference, its become 'right' or 'wrong', or 'homophobic' or 'racist' or 'infantile' or 'predatory' to ship or not ship certain couples. And I just don't understand that.

I ship Buddie.

I'm pretty neutral on BuckTommy.

Why do I prefer one over the other? I almost always prefer ships with deep emotional bonds, who see something in each other no one else sees. I have never been a rarepair person, or a multishipper because my personal preference is for this deep emotional bond between characters.

That doesn't make my preference better or worse than anybody else's. Its just a personal preference. The same as I prefer the colour blue.

Other people might prefer couples with intense sexual chemistry, or who tease each other a lot, or who argue and have lots of passion, etc. Some people have a favourite character and ship them with everyone.

All of these are valid preferences.

Did I find the BuckTommy date in last night's episode a bit awkward? Yes. Was it because I'm a judgmental homophobic asshole? No. Daddy kink jokes wasn't my favourite thing, but I was fine with it. Two people in an adult relationship can flirt and and be kinky and that's totally fine by me. I have read and enjoyed way more explicit things in fanfic.

Personally (again just my opinion not a fact), I just found that the tone of the date and the joke fell flat as part of the episode overall. It was trying to break some of the tension and it didn't work for me.

Also, I tend to put more value on emotional connection in establishing relationships, so for me personally I would have preferred the conversation to stay in the more vulnerable place it started - Tommy offering Buck support due to Bobby's injury. If they had boned over having having difficult dads, or if Tommy had reached out and held Buck's hand to offer comfort, that would have been more meaningful to me, as opposed to the Daddy kink joke.

Again, nothing wrong with a Daddy kink. I too think Tommy calling Buck 'pretty boy' or 'good boy' in bed is hot.

Just kinky sex doesn't make for a meaningful relationship for me and I love Buck and I want him to have a deep meaningful relationship.

Since I haven't seen that with Tommy yet, I'm neutral on the ship.

I don't know why fandom has decided that who you ship or don't ship is some reflection of your moral values or lack thereof, but as someone who's fandom old, I find it weird and distasteful.

What people enjoy in fiction is not a reflection of who they are as a person at all times!

I don't generally block on unfollow people in fandom because I am very good at just letting things go and not spending too much time on things that upset me, but I have unfollowed people in the 911 fandom because of this overt judgement and moralization and (let's be honest) shit stirring, that some people engage in.

Fandom is supposed to be fun.

Let's make fandom fun again.

[sawadavampaneze]

I always think it's strange how most of people in Yuumori fandom always assume a person who doesn't ship Sherliam is homophobic and who thinks "Bondler doesn't have enough evidence in manga to be called a trans" is transphobic. And I mean, we don't even know if the person we criticize is in lgbtq+ or support the community or not, so it's all subjective assumptions. It's funny how a person who ships other BL couples in manga but not Sherliam will be judged just because they don't follow the majority of the fandom. It's also funny how the voice actors, the stage/musical actors/actress or even the author/artist using Irene or Adler when refering to the character in female appearance but the global fandom only criticize any fan to not call Bondler with that name while they are in their original female identity.

Many people got into Yuumori for the Moriarty brothers' ideal. And while Moriarty team wants to protect and defends for the Weak. Fans support their ideal but also choose to be the one who oppresses the minority within the same fandom. How ironic is that!

I'm currently playing an otome game called "Cupid Parasite". When two suitors had a small fight (due to different perspectives) and then Gill (the first suitor) made an apology to Allan (the latter), I thought a lot about how many people in Yuumori fandom (or any other fandoms) can not realized that they should actually listen and maybe try to put themselve in other people's shoes to understand different opinions. Sometimes we put ourselve too much into a character that we forget that in the end of the day, we are not them. And instead of that, we value a 2D character over an actual person (either through the internet or irl, either the person has good intention or share the same interest), it's all because the character has our empathy or has something in common with us (which makes us feel validating when defending for them). Please don't ever forget there's a diversity in a normal fandom and people can freely express their opinions either it's the same with you or not. Things should be discussed in a more peaceful way than this. Also, defending for any community is good but this is about connecting logically details in manga. And you should defend for a character or a shipping because you truly like them with all your heart, not because you want to use them to prove something for yourself, your belief or your own identity irl.

Idk why I thought of Yuumori fandom maybe because I still care. I should have cut any loose end I have with this series at this point. Still, I just hope the fandom could be a better place for anyone who feel left out. I always feel bad for any of them that I came across online.

Quoting from Gill because I thought a lot about Yuumori fandom while reading his online post in game. Also this below is the reason I decided to make this post.

"... After reflecting on my thoughts, I apologized Allan for our fight. Ultimately, we decided to respect one another and talk through over disagreement. Honestly, I think it was wrong of me to think my opinion was the only one correct in the first place. Allan and I are two different people from different backgrounds. It's okay that we have different values and ideals. I guess I forgot that and tried to push my own values onto others. That's what caused that fight I wish no one saw.

I'm really sorry about that.

From now on, we won't flat-out deny one another's opinions. However, we also won't ignore our own feelings either. We'll respect other and work together to meet in the middle and find different solutions.

When complete strangers live together, it's natural that problems will occur. We have to remember that. We are strangers after all. We should acknowledge that there're people who live by a creed different from our own. Still, that doesn't mean that we should assume the worst of someone new. Even strangers can find common ground to stand in.

That's how I want to live my life. I think connecting like that would make living much more fufilling..."

When I wanted some rom-com for my life, the things in the game stressed me out more hahaha Also Allan shares the same VA with Yuumori Sherlock, which makes me feel like I'm dating Sherlock sometimes 😓 Still, it's a good game and the plot is chef-kissed 😊

I actually never be called homophobic or transphobic when I was in Yuumori fandom. But I've seen a lot of people being judged because they just wanted to voice their opinions about the manga. Even the anime staffs are being called homophobic by some fans just because they didn't animate chapter 31. Well, although this post is a call-out for the fandom's behaviour, I don't care if I will get called by those tittles after posting it. I support the lgbtq+ community both online + irl and also to any friend of mine so those're enough. One of my friends even came out to me since 10 years ago and I still immediately accepted them. Irene/Bondler is a different and complicated case, I actually asked myself a lot before whether Bondler is a trans but manga just doesn't have enough evidence to strengthen this point. No one's opinion is incorrect here because the issue is too vague in canon, only the attitude of each person towards the others is right or wrong. This issue should have been a more peaceful discussion. Also, my most favorite fanfic writter in Yuumori fandom is a long-time and die-hard Sherliam stan (although it's funny that they never brag about "the couple is canon in manga") and they only write about this couple (actually they only write Yuumori fanfic too). I don't ship the couple but yeah, they're my fav writter. That why I don't need any confirmation from online people who will judge me for using my brain to think instead of letting my feelings to control me and accuse the others. Yuumori fandom can be insecured about the manga (I understand because there're too many plotholes) or about anything else but at least don't let your insecurity irl clouding the way you treat other people online.

If anyone wants to defend anything, feel free to comment or talk under this post or through inbox. I don't mind some friendly discussion as long as the two parties respect the other and stick to manga's logic, not to people's irl identity/issue.

[rosemary-is-in-pesterquest]

I am. SO. frustrated. that they keep fucking up davekat. like I just wanna go off. just wanna go the fuck off, man, I didn't even ship them that hard at first but god damn I do now and it's pretty much because the epilogues and HS2 have fucked them up so bad and I know they are better than that. let me just.

okay so originally, davekat is built on themes of mutual defensiveness in response to insecurity. when Dave is first introduced, he portrays himself as a cool guy, and gives us the concept of Strider irony. where a normal person might claim to love something shitty as an ironic joke, or maybe the ironic joke masks sincere enjoyment... Strider irony, according to Dave, has a billion more levels of sincerity and insincerity, to the point where you have no idea what the real intent is. in part, this is due to teen pretentiousness... but in some ways this is a reflection of him genuinely finding his Bro unfathomable, and wanting to protect his own genuine thoughts, opinions, and interests from criticism, without actually coming off as insecure. as time goes by, you can watch him and figure out what is sincere and what isn't... he doesn't actually keep that tight of a lid on things, but that's partially because the game allows him more freedom than he usually has. he at least isn't living in his Bro's shadow anymore. some might extrapolate this to mean that he's experiencing more physical and mental security than usual, while others might just say he's coming into his own via this journey, but the fact of the matter is that he felt the need to hide behind this facade in the first place. and the tricky thing with Dave is that it isn't all fake. it's a weird mixture of who he is, who he wants to be, and what he thinks others will respond well to. his development isn't so much discarding the mask, as it is reconciling what it's made of, and incorporating it into his true self as he matures. he accepts it as a piece of him. it's very subtle, and natural, and true to what growing up is really like. I think this is why so many people like Dave and relate to him so much.

for Karkat, insecurity manifests in the form of being hyper critical of everyone around him. to be honest, this also comes from a deep sense of concern for the people around him, and the fact that his friend group is made of a bunch of loose canons who do destructive shit for fun, and people who are easily dragged into that sort of thing. but the thing that keeps Karkat's hyper critical nature from irritating people too much is that he's also super extra critical of himself. he admits it when he's done something wrong... though admittedly often after it's made people angry at him, and he has a good amount of very sincere apologies that he delivers so that they come off as very sincere and actually work in terms of reconciling with people. Karkat's biggest issue is that criticizing your own internal flaws and actually fixing them are two different things. and while Karkat can identify many problems with himself, he's not always the best at making them go away. it takes him a long time to learn how to change himself, because in order to change yourself, you have to accept the flawed parts of yourself and work with them, rather than just trying to push them out of your sight. this is why his anger at his past and future selves is ultimately unhealthy. it keeps him from truly addressing the fact that his current self is just as subject to those same flaws. for example, if he's talking to a past self and a future self, and his future self is condescending to him, and his past self is naive, then his present self is both of those things to his conversation partners. but he's so repulsed by his own negative attributes that he's not really dealing with them. his saving grace is that everyone can see how hard he's trying, and how worried and scared he is. ultimately, Karkat doesn't want to be the reason for screwing everyone over, and that's more concern for others than anyone ever asked for. it gains Karkat a lot of good will, without him necessarily even realizing what he's doing.

what's excellent about davekat is that they come out the gate fully critical of one another... but neither is willing to back down either. somehow, these two insecure idiots trick each other into defending themselves. and it's brilliant, because they get all their critical bullshit out of the way immediately. they don't fear criticism from one another. they already criticize one another all the time, and it's fine. like, their worst complaints about each other are right out there in the open, and how freeing must that be for a couple of guys who worry about other people's opinions of them so much? Dave has nothing to hide and nothing to prove. Karkat defends his own positive qualities. it's good for them. eventually, they just kind of run out of material... and there's something comforting about knowing that they've said every bad thing they can think of about each other, and none of it was a deal breaker. they're still in each other's business constantly. and that's when they start to learn from each other. see, Karkat is really blunt. he wanders into the thick of things, yelling at people and making mistakes all over the place... and Dave is just more cautious than that. his whole cool guy persona is made to keep that kind of raw emotion from leaking out, and to make every mistake seem like he meant to do that. but Karkat makes mistakes all the time. and apologizes all the time. and he comes out okay. Karkat is sincere. but Karkat is also high strung... and Dave isn't. Dave knows how to chill, and he plans things, and he can sit down with people and calmly talk through a plan. get it in simple terms and hash things out without panicking. Karkat often exhausts himself trying to run around and manage everything, and while it can be kind of endearing to see how much he cares... it's not exactly healthy. Dave has more of a level head, beyond just his cool kid persona, and isn't afraid to make people walk things back and take it from the top. and actually, what Dave and Karkat have in common is that they try really hard for the people around them, and feel great concern for the people they love. when the chips are down, they value similar things. and once they've run out of ineffectual ways to badmouth each other, that's what they have left. probably the thing that bugs them the most about each other is how much they actually have in common in terms of priorities. and while I do think that in their relationship, they'll probably always bicker with each other, that's the core foundation. they're caring people who look out for their group and try to help wherever they can. in essence... they're both knights through and through.

and then HS2 fucks it all up. legit why even confuse anything about their relationship? just let them uncontroversially date, keep it lowkey and tasteful, realize the wonderful potential of their friends razzing them about it a little, and write a better story for them to exist in. god damn. like, seriously, just give them more people to actually care about, because Dave and Karkat feel out of character if they aren't constantly in the lives of a plethora of friends who are important to them. look at them in homestuck. look at everything they do best. of course they wouldn't thrive in HS2, none of the cast even likes each other anymore!! Dave and Karkat were basically instrumental in setting up rosemary, which fits so well with all of their characterization its insane. I just want everyone to periodically go back, and reread homestuck, and remember when these characters were good people.

BASED WENDELL COMING IN WITH THEIR ANALYSIS BETTER THAN WHATEVER THE FUCK THE HS2 WRITERS SHIT OUT 

[gtgrandom]

Beck and Jade: Toxicity

Alright kiddos.  With the resurgence of Victorious, I’ve seen a lot of new and old viewers idolizing this relationship, and while I 100% support your decision to ship what you want to ship, we need to acknowledge some of the red flags in this relationship and talk about why it shouldn’t be #goals.  I’ve seen too many teens talking about how realistic these two are (which is insane given the show’s comedic exaggeration) and how they want to embody everything Jade is as a woman, and my heart dies a bit. 

I know how annoying it is to see false accusations of an “abusive” couple by a non-psychologist simply because someone doesn’t ship it.  And yeah, I realize this is a kid’s show designed to entertain.  But I also realize what impact television has on the youth and their expectations of love.  So I want to set some things straight.  

Hot take: You can still enjoy the show while recognizing what a healthy relationship looks like. 

.

.

First, let’s talk about aspects that WERE healthy:

1. Open Communication

These two felt so “real” because they would confront each other directly about behavior they didn’t approve of, things that annoyed them, etc.  Most of the time they were so direct, issues didn’t have enough time to fester and boil over.  Honesty is key in a healthy relationship, and for them, teasing and arguing served as an acceptable avenue for this honesty.   

2. They do learn to adapt to each other’s needs and grow together...sort of. 

Being able to recognize your own shortcomings and value your partner for their ability to see past those flaws is essential.  Fighting is okay if you can come together after it, understand why your partner was upset, and grow stronger from the experience.  The earthquake should strengthen the bridge after the new changes and reinforcements are put in place, not weaken it...

But time apart requires you to reflect on yourself.  When two people come back together and their means of apology is through kissing or sex...that tells you exactly what makes the relationship function.  

.

.

Now...for the portrayal of toxic behavior and emotional abuse.

 1. Ugly jealousy

Jade’s jealousy is a constant source of conflict for the two, OBVIOUSLY.  While she might say what we’re all thinking, her possessiveness is unattractive - and had it been the trait for a male love interest on the show, fans would have attacked him for it.  You’re not allowed to control who your boyfriend hangs out with and befriends. You have no right to do so.  You can express to him, “hey, I feel insecure about our relationship when you hang out with this individual exclusively.  Can I come with you this time and get to know her better so I can put my mind at ease?”  If he doesn't take your concerns seriously, then you should leave the relationship.  

And if the new girl (as unjustified as it was) makes out with your boyfriend, you take your issues up with your disloyal boyfriend. You don’t continue to bully the other girl. 

There’s a difference between speaking your mind / sticking to your values, and being a total dick.  Jade crosses this line every episode.  She’s not iconic when she bullies her friends.  It’s really not that funny.

2. Putting words in Beck’s mouth

A lot of the times this is used for comedic effect.  Because you know how sensitive women are. You just can’t say anything as a man, lest she twist it around on you... :/  Regardless, it turns Jade into an instigator, an agitator, and a difficult person to reach a consensus with.  Don’t put words in your loved one’s mouth. Listen to what they have to say. Process it.  Come back after you’ve had a chance to walk it off and think rationally.

3.  Fighting at high frequency and magnitude 

It’s one of the “quirks” of this relationship.  Teens like to call it “rocky” and “full of chemistry.”  Nah.  It’s just plain ol’ toxic fighting and hostility.  Especially because it’s usually over something stupid and entirely irrelevant to their relationship.  A passionate relationship doesn’t mean you argue and fight everyday.  Your relationship should have more positive energy than negative.  Otherwise, why bother?

If they wanted to show a realistic relationship and the struggles teens encounter, they could have taken a dozen different avenues.  Like an episode where everything they say gets on each other’s nerves and they just need some space, but then at the end of the episode they can laugh about how they were arguing over something as silly as x,y,z.  

Instead, they made Jade the classic toxic bad boy trope.

4. Emotional instability and manipulation

Many people call Beck the calm, grounding force who is the only one capable of “topping” Jade.  That’s whack.  No one should have to babysit their partner because they’re so emotionally jagged and explosive. Sure, it makes for good comedy, but these two could have just as easily been best friends who knew how to deal with one another.  They even could have been a healthier pairing if the writers had made Jade treat Beck with more respect than everyone else.  But in the end, Beck has to be her backboard and police officer more than he gets to be her boyfriend.

Jade has too many issues to work through (jealousy, insecurity, aggression, etc).  She shouldn’t be in a relationship until she can properly channel that anger and resentment. 

Otherwise, she needs someone who won’t put up with her bullshit the way Beck does.  (He calls her out on it every now and again, but he also claims that he enjoys not having an easy relationship).

5. Disloyalty 

I’m not about to say that Jade is jealous for no reason.  Beck could be much better at showing her he only has eyes for his girlfriend.  That he puts her at the same level as (or above) his platonic friendships and acting career.  But this isn’t always the case, and Jade hates it.  

Another reason to break it off. Don’t settle for a man who punishes your behavior by allowing the new girl to kiss him -- or who makes you feel inadequate in any way.

That’s the tea.

That’s all for today, kids.  Ship the fictional pairing all you want, god knows I have my fair share of toxic ships (side-eyes Delena).  Just please don’t call it realistic.  And please know that real relationships take work (real love is a choice as much as it’s a feeling), but that doesn’t mean your relationships have to be this ugly. <3

[pega-chan]

actually no, i will NOT tolerate ali x raib. the ship is AWFUL and here's why:

ali and raib have virtually nothing in common. they really only hang out bc they've become so used to each other after going on this big inter-galaxy adventure, and it's easier to just stick with people who know your secret. there is literally no basis for their friendship at all except how they "bonded" over a shared life-threatening experience. even the "moments" where their relationship is supposed to move from enemy to frenemy/friend status has no impact WHATSOEVER on their relationship, bc ali goes right back to being a spoiled jerk with no regard for raib.

ali's nonexistent character development. imo ali suffers from serious author's favouritism, what with him getting OP by the later books, and he suffers no consequence for every mistake he does. he's still the same jerk that he was in the first book, bc he never learns anything even though there are plenty of chances for him to. i like ali bc of the potential his character has but it is NEVER expanded upon. i don't want raib growing to tolerate and "like" ali's horrible attitude; ali needs to learn how to be a good person. raib feels the need to keep an eye on ali bc he can't even be trusted not to leak the existence of parallel universes to earth dwellers. Selena and co. still suspect him of this later on in the series bc he hasn't learned his goddamn lesson! i don't wanna say it's reflective of tere liye's values, but it kinda is. raib deserves better than mr arrogant ali.

most of their interactions are neither postive nor healthy. ali just likes annoying raib, and raib can't stand him. they only act like they care when they're at their lowest point where they're forced to be vulnerable, then act like that never happened at all. whatever ali does ruins raib's day.

it's amatonormative. the trope of "if they hate each other, it means they secretly like each other" is, (not) sorry to say, a load of horse manure, and not always true, especially not for them. their hate goes beyond general annoyance. it's not even friendly banter, ali keeps harassing raib about her powers to sate his own curiosity. also a girl and guy protagonist can't be best friends without getting together i guess!

ali doesn't respect raib or her boundaries. he straight up stuck a recording device to her stuff to spy on her "in the name of science" and when raib gets understandably upset about it, he treats it as NBD and thinks she's overreacting. do y'all honestly think this is okay? ali invading her privacy and using her as a test subject without her consent is okay?? i worry for you all, fr.

it ruins the whole team dynamic. whenever tere liye pushes for an ali x raib "moment" seli is relegated to shipper and the third wheel. with the little character development she gets, this is not a role i want her playing. she's part of this trio, and just as important as ali and raib.

you're telling me these two would make a cute couple together?? REALLY??? i cannot FATHOM why this is the most popular ship in the fandom and why it's even canon. and even if ali gets character development the series would be better off if romance wasn't involved.

[hussyknee]

A Letter to Younger Me.

Time keeps catching you off-guard. You're not prepared for the way each year is speeding past faster than the one before it, as though you're watching the world flash past from the window of a train gathering momentum, faster than you can hold onto the images long enough to figure out where you're even headed. You're lost and angry and scared and wondering if there will be a future left for you, if AdulthoodTM will ever coalesce from the chaos of confusion inside you. Despairing that the world will ever be less full of petty evil and stupidity, whether anything you can do will ever be enough, whether you'll be able to figure out your life before it's too late.

Kid, I got bad news and good news. The persistent cascade of shit will wear you down to a nub, and what is left of you will be too tired to give a fuck. But what is left will be hard and soft as the earth. You will learn self-preservation, how to draw hard lines on the limits of your patience and concern.

You'll understand all the ways people can fuck up and still be human and how that still doesn't matter when holding them accountable for their actions. You'll understand that empathizing with people's misfortunes that led them to bad decisions and cruelty is still extremely important. You'll learn to validate without excusing.

You'll stop feeling like you have to pick sides all the time and learn to pick sides only when it's important. You'll stop thinking it's wrong to pick sides or that all sides are the same, because they're not. Your choices matter, your convictions matter, even though they are subject to change.

It is so, so important that they are subject to change, to evolution and revision. That revision invalidates nothing but affirms the integrity of the student.

You'll stop trying to bend the world to your will and learn to make safe spaces for yourself in your own life. You'll stop trying to hold other people responsible for your feelings. You'll stop burning for a revolution and realize the value of carving change into life's small niches. You'll stop seeking out stability and figure out that the world is a bucking bronco and the trick is figuring out how to stay on.

You'll stop feeling like you need all the answers and being steamingly angry at people who don't. You'll be too tired to care that the world doesnt make sense and learn to tuck, duck and roll. You'll learn to stop hanging your hopes on your dreams because while hopes may survive, dreams are the first to get dumped out the side when your ship starts taking water.

You'll stop expecting so much of people and yourself. You'll learn that trying to be positive all the time is draining and harmful because you're *supposed* to get angry where it counts. You'll learn that being angry all the time doesn't empower you but turn you slowly into a terrible person. You'll understand the difference between letting go and giving up, although both can hurt like a bitch.

You'll learn that your moral compass can't be guided by your empathy but your sense of integrity, because empathy picks sides and is easily exhausted and led astray, whereas your integrity must always be a rock solid foundation. You'll stop believing that what you feel is always a true and accurate reflection of the reality you live in, that everything is a delicate balance between trusting your instincts and tilting at windmills. You'll stop believing that if you hurt other people deep enough, you'll stop hurting yourself.

You'll learn that home is not any one thing, or place or person, but a different haven for each passing season. I don't know about loving yourself, but you'll certainly care much less about superficial bullshit and window dressing, except for life's emotional low points when suddenly superficial bullshit seem to matter a lot. But that's okay, that too shall pass.

You'll learn that everyone else is also stupid and scared and lost and trying to cover up the fact that they have no idea what they're doing and terrified someone will find out that they're really full of shit. This is will make you feel better for about 10 seconds before you realize you're living on an uncaring rock hurtling around a ball of gas in space with 7 billion unco-ordinated incompetents.

You'll look back at all the years you spent worrying about presenting yourself as An AdultTM and realize you actually seemed like that little kid who was trying to look important and mature to the grown ups. Grown ups know that the whole thing is a sham so they aren't interested in putting up appearances for anyone. That's why a lot of thirty somethings you meet look like they've settled comfortably into their own skin. This does not mean they're adultier than you but that they've stopped trying to appear to be.

(That and you get thick around the middle in your thirties. Biological fact. Love it, embrace it and accept that you've shed your twenties skin for a tougher, less insecure one, like a maturing snake.)

Kid, this world is going to take everything away from you, every certainty and belief and dream you've ever had will be ripped from your hands and dashed on the rocks and you'll still rebuild them from scratch, every friendship, every home, every hope, smaller and stronger and sturdier every time and there will be no one to fully appreciate the wonder of that but you.

You'll never feel brave, you'll rarely feel strong, the feeling of stability and peace will be intermittent and fleeting. But you'll always be able to find people to help, even if its a lonely voice from another cell, you'll always find a way to put one foot in front of the other when everything else is blasted apart, you'll always find some anchor to cling to when the future is cold and dark. Because that's how we are made, above all else. To survive.

All you are required to do in this world is survive. Living is simply finding enough reasons to go on. Happiness will always be a fleeting visitor, not a place where you can live ever after. All you are required to do is to somehow push forward, inch by inch, every passing day.

In the end, you'll realize that being stripped down to only your bare essentials was the best thing that could have happened to you, because it revealed to you who you really are.

Kid, there's absolutely nothing I can tell you that will change the nature of who you are at 18, at 20 and at 22 because to be young is to fuck up continually, embarrassingly and epically and there are no short cuts to arrive at 30, 35 and 40. Not even for me.

So you do you, kiddo. There will always be world enough and time.

I'm proud of you.