#whose album preacher's daughter and particularly the song sun bleached flies made me remember a huge portion of my life

[gracebriarwoodwrites]

I am reviving the child I killed in church. I choked the holy rebellion out of that child in centuries-old pews and the cramped chairs of my old school's cafeteria when the first church wouldn't do. I worshipped false gods, Behavior and Belonging. I pretended at godly womanhood at 13 because I could not be that angry, bloody-knuckled, righteous child anymore. It hurt too much.

I failed my new gods miserably, but that didn't stop me for years. I was not palatable. I could not be delicious to those who would devour me whole, so I kept devouring myself and tried again. I was Prometheus and his eagles together in one flesh. I denied myself my fire with religious zeal. I would save the ending world and the world would let me--if I could only learn what sweater to buy and how to straighten my hair.

God, I never should have rejected my rage. Restore my heart.