#whump or clownery take your pick

[izzystizzys]

little snippet that im salivating at writing out but don’t have the time someone pls fulfil my steddyhands dreams

aka The Reason Izzy Is Not In Charge Of Coming Up With Plans (he’s self-admittedly shit at it)

and is determinedly not meeting edward’s eyes while he’s calling ned low and his crew a bunch of second-rate playgroup pirate cunts. “comgratulations, you’re the first to succesfully torture me to sleep”, he says, and, “maybe just be better then people wouldn’t break your records without noticing, have you considered that?”, and, “my tummy aches hurt worse than this, they used to have goddamn standards for torture back in the day, now they just let any twatty with daddy issues try his -“ at which point ned is squarely whacking a fist into izzy’s face.

by the time the world stops spinning and flaring up in strange colours, he’s already being hefted up by the scowling blonde woman and dragged off in the direction of the captain’s cabin, still avoiding both his captains’ gazes on account of the fact his head’s lolling over hellkat maggie’s shoulder loosely.

is this maybe the worst idea izzy has ever had? some would agree, but it’s got ed and stede out of the firing line, hasn’t it. plus, izzy thinks when the door closes behind low’s bone-chilling grin, gives the dickheads more time to damn well come up with a better plan.