#why doesnt she look like that in rhe game

[sunnychuuya]

Cutely sobs knowing om nearing the end of sally face

I finished it.

Hey so guess who's looking up a toturoail

Whys the screen so fuckn dark

Me when I forget my lefts and rights do I start going never eat soggy waffles

I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I DID THAT LAST NIGHT

"we are the shadows of a sleepless dream" fucking banger line??

I cannor handle seeing Diane rn I'm gonna sob

H9LY SHIT SUCH COOL ARTSTYLE

Guys I don't actually think I like the cult I kinda died cuz of them !!

having thr t

Guys this is not girlpop

ash wt Oh yirl WHAT THE FHELL DONT DOT AHT

GUYS I JUST TOLD MT FRIEND THIS DOESNT HAVE GRAPHIC SEWERSLIDE FUCK

GUYS WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED

ARE WE JUST GONNA FUCKING

BRUSH PAST THAT?!

WHAT THE FUCK

THE FUCK FUCK THE FUCK SHIT?!

-"how many loved ones will you kill to save the world. What will be Left worth saving" crying sobbing screaming throwing up

Also am I hallucinating or was that not grammatically correct

No it was

It just doesn't sound like it

"They deserve happiness after all the shit they've been through" me when the entirety of this fucking game

"Do you.. do you think anyone could ever love me like they love each other?" I'm gonna bawl my fucking eyes out sal you're amazign

STOP.

THIS IS NOT FAIR.

NOT THE MEMEORY COMING FROM THE FUCKING BOTTLW

THTA WAS LIKE THE WORST LARRY COULDVE DONE IT TOO

God

Fucking damnit

Larry was sposed to move in with them.. they were sposed to be happy.. nghehhe

NOT THE FUCKING CORPSES

SHIT

QHY

Hmm. Another textbook case of: I hate the characyer until they fucking die tragically

Sal no we're not defending her she still kinda ducked

WHAT THE FUCK

HAH?!

Woah ghsotie arm

Cofnused as shit ngl and this music is terrfyding

oh no! Why is everyone gone!

Giving "why is boss music playing" vibes

UHH GUYS FUCKKKK

SHIT THIS FAME COLLECTING ART STYLES LIKE POKEMON

stop. I love this. So cool.

Yea I don't quite like that. Kinda uhh sus thats like the things that humans grow in in movies

cutely Google safe combination

FUCKKK BRO THE REASON KENNY SHOT SAL IS BC OF THE PROPHECY THING... DAMN GOOD THING HE SUCKS AT SHOOTIJG PPL TOO (the like 300 ppl who died:)

Wait what Jim's latter

JumPSACRW

Guys! Thats so not girlypop!

What rhe fuck!

"You killed them" NO SHIT?!

Me after game over immesirlat

Oh wow thats so cute murder great

CHAT MY CONTEOLLERA DYOPEED AORKING HELPPPPP

OH KENNWTH WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT HOE WHYXDID YOU GOOPIE

MA BOY LARRY WHY U LOOK LIKE THAT 😭 💀

guys oop I apparently missed the thing where u see sal get shot lmao

Its fine I already knew what happened

I just looked it up and what the florp bro

chat I hate this like they all die and they can't even live happily ever after in the afterlife its just not fair.

YAYAYYAYA GHODT GUITAR

Hol up- lemme clean my glasses for this.

"eat mt ass, you red eyed birch!" ILY larry

TRAVIS LWTS FUCKING GO

YES

UES

YES

FUCK

LETS FUCKING GooooOOOOOOOO

WAIT SHIT DID JE JSUT DIE 💀

...

Fuck.

ITS NOR WORKFING

Yeah okay I knew it wouldn't be thst easy but. One can hope.

AHHHHH PIXEL SAL

Yeee guitar blasts

Pew

Pew

FUCK YOU CANT GO FROM SILLY PIXEL SAL TO

EVERYONE WE LOVE IS DEAD BRUTALLY

I diedieidid

Chat have we considered I suck at video games

I just died 3 tomes in a row

fifth death (end me)

I DIDING IT

Oh fuk pixem sal

WHY IS MY ARM GOING NUMB

SAL UR SPOSED TO POSSES ASH NOT ME

NOT THE GREATEST TIME LOWKEY TRYNA PLAY THE GAME

Ooh chairs

Oh duck that scared me

God damnit Terrence

SHUT UP THIS GAME IS SO FUCKING COOL

When I started playing sally face, would I ever have thought I would be whisper screaming "VOMIT YOUR BALLS TERRENCE!" at 12 37 am, he'll fucking no. But it happened.

This is why I am unloved.

What da fuck

Polyrgorns

THE FUCKING MICKEY MOUSE

GLITCHY SAL

Uhh I don't like how the teeth skin is closing in

UNBELEIVILBLY HYPE

Sal really said with the power of music and friendship

wdym it don't feel like over

LARRY DOUBLED DIED WHAY THE FUCK

"Maybe we see him again someday. On the other side of oblivion. If there is such a place." then it just fades out. This game is absolutely amazing.

I love it but it also lowkey felt so incomplete

Like

Idk the ending felt a little fast.

like very satisfying but it felt rlly fast.

But also sf2 is a thing in progress I know

@mypinterestgotbannedsoimherenow

[thatonegaybastard]

SUPER AWESOME IDEAS: if my ocs... in my funnt game.... did a collab with idv or something this is the costunea

basocally if my ocs. wrre in idv what characters theyd be ig...

VALERIE: I forgot forward existed when i first talked about this but forward is literally perfect for her. Unclear what the rugby ball would be replaced with. I think instead of having a rugby ball her hand would be like. Cool and glitchy and when the ball runs out she just doesn't have it anymore. Then again I havent exactly gotten her hobbies down yet so itd probably be better to have something related to her hobbies. If it were an S tier the effects would be a different dashing animation where it looks like shes gonna punch the hunter

ETHAN: Best choice for Ethan would be Professor imo. I based his ability partially on profesors (shields.) and i imagine his ability working kinda similar to how proffesor uses his canonically. Effects wise? Glitchy alll over man. Super glitchy. All of it.

FREDDY: I still think hed be coordinator. They both have guns and rescue people that is all!!! i dont think itd be an s tier skin because freddy ismt one for flashy effects

ADRIAN: obviously first officer its not gonna be anything else first officer also has hypnosis WHY WOULD IT BE ANYTHING ELSE.. it would be a fucking crime. special effecta? he issparkly. thats kinda his thing

GUZMAN: Um. none of the hunters fit him sorry. this is why we never get hunter crossover skins istg.... anyways i pick percy for him cuz percy is underrated as fuck and they both have dashes. and guzman deserves a massive sword. though now that i think about it IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE TEMPERMENT WISE. honestly im tempted to give him nightwatch becauss temperment and abilities but nigjt watch is neteases golden child percy is always forgotten.... idk thats all my characters so far maybe ill get a nother corrupted thats like a big guy.. special effects: pink glitches when striking woth the big ol percy slash and a glitchy trail left behind him left behind when dashing. however if he were night watch hed just have different attacking and idle animations to better fit his giant claw hands- and maybe a glitchy trail when dashing too

edit: i forgot chris n parker. honestly he can only be prospecter .. most people in idv are kinda middle to upper class and norts rhe only scrappy looking enough character.. and instead of throwing magents he just fucking throws a big ass coin because its funnt as hell. special effects? uh. tea splash when he throws the coin. (INSIDE JOKENSMSSM)

[maeum-your]

alexa play so high by doja cat, thank u 🎼🎶🎶

*clears throat* so we all have gathered here, to one and only, same as well, event. we have so far: lost our minds, cognitive functions and braincells. the reason behind this is very clear: park jong-seong. and ofc: MINNIE‼

like i always say: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

and like i also like to say: SKWKWODMDKWSOODKDNSMSOFOCKSKSOCOXOSKSKCKFKDKSKSKFKD

so my thoughts are those above, exactly 💗😁

joking i will jump into a full review now🔥 u didnt tease us for good 40min just so i scream in ur inbox for a few lines🤥

first of all: the MOTHER. clearly should leave the scene, leave everyone alone including her kids. yn doesnt deserve this bitch, she's a bitch. jail for her, and LOOK, this is a warning to her: if u see ME in the streets, RUN‼🏃‍♀️ i will fucking catch u and drag ur nasty self to the POLICE 👮‍♂️

second: party party yey🗣🔥💃 crazy tbh just crazy idk what to say ab the girls but just that they're 🤤🤭💗 i mean i love them🤩😳 loved to see more of their friendship too OMG I LIVE FOR FRIENDSHIPS WHEN U DETAIL THINGS AB THEM IS SO SUAJSJS I LOVE IT

thrid: jake😋💕(yes jake is a whole topic even though he had 2 scenes, he my man🥰) ohhh my poor lil furry my dear grrr grrr my smol barker don't be sad, u make me sad😔 wdym u doing wrongs u dont do wrongs u only do rights and the right thing u should to now is get my number😉 and my heart (but that's already urs😆) hihihihi 🤭💕

fourth: park jong-seong😳 omg im too stunned to speak ab him but wow wowowowowowowowowiwow sirens i see colors i see god im 🕳🏃‍♀️💨 rn cuz HELLAUR U BIAS WRECKED ME W THAT WHOLE MAKE OUT SCENE I DONT HATE U BOO WANNA KISS AND MAKE BABIES IK WHAT BABY MEANS IT MEANS U WANNA GET DRUNK AND NASTY W YN BUT PLSSSSSSS CALM DOWN UR HORNY ASS 🗣🗣🗣 JUNGWON DOESN'T NEEDS TO BE AN UNCLE RN ‼‼‼

five: the fucking anon. a bitch. lia. bitch. disgrace. unfortunately will have to swallow her her cuz im sure she will be there for more time so let's make this clear: heeseung ain't urs. beware me. im not a girl. not a men. im a menace. im here to hunt u. im here to deal w problems. and u re one now. run.

thanks for the amazing chapter here like minnie idk what to say rn just feel but u SLAYED RHE WHOLE THING PLSSSS ILYSM MUAW MUAW 💗💕🗣😋🥰😳 U SAW ME SCREAMING SO U KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVED AND I LOVE UR WRITING UR DESCRIPTION U DESERVE AN AWARD 🏆🏆🏆🏆

LET ME JOIN YOU IN THE SCREAMING BECAUSE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I HOPE MY NEXT BREATH WILL BE MY LAST WHY ARE ALL THE Y/N'S WINNING IN LIFE??????

no fr her mom is an abuser, she ACTUALLY belongs to jail i just hope that y/n and won can get away from her as soon as possible 💔

YES WE NEEDED TO SEE MORE OF THEIR FRIENDSHIP DYNAMICS AND WRITTEN CHAPTERS ARE PURRFECT FOR THAT 🥳

he'd be glad to see that someone is still interested in him after he literally made all of the girls stay away from him. jake is def staying bitchless in this one and i feel so sorry 😭 sunghoon's game is bad too but at least he seems to be getting somewhere with jimin LSJSLSJSJS

I'm sure they don't want to have babies, they just want to do what needs to be done to make them 🤭

LIA. STAY. AWAY. FROM. HEESEUNG. AND. Y/N. 🗣️‼️ I CAN GROWL BUT NOT IN A SEXY WAY GRRRRRR

YOUR SCREAMING MADE ME VERY HAPPY I AM SO GRATEFUL TO HAVE YOU LOVE YOU LITERALLY SO MUCH I'M CRYING

[icharchivist]

New session with A. and T. o/ this time from episode 92 to episode 105, we advanced a lot in the CA arc!

this time I took notes as they spoke so I have... Tons of stuff.

-A: “I’m scared to move on…. we’re at episode 91 and the arc already went to shit so bad i’m worried at how bad it’ll get”

-they forgot who kite was. they had to remember by saying “guitarist legolass”

-T: “The queen shouldn’t be proud of the King i mean it’s a fuckboi, look at that turtle on his head, it’s the shape for a a fuckboi”

-A: “Leol looks like a drummer in Kite’s band”

-A: “I wonder if it would have gone better with responsible adults” Me: “i think that’s why Leorio and Kurapika aren’t there. wait… maybe not Pika.” A: “i love Pika but he’s not what I’d call collected and responsible. Leorio tho...”   -T: “I’m sure Hisoka would have flirted with an ant if he could. or ate one. its like chicken”

-they say they have no pity for the queen ahah. They are WTF over the other baby.

-they got so sad at Gon and Killua crying

-T: “Why is there pipe on a strip tease” A: “there’s a cat a butterfly and a turtle trying to dominate the world and you question the choice of music?”

-A: “It gets so bad already and there’s still 30 episodes of that arc how bad can it gets…”

-A: “the only responsible adult of that arc is Killua and he’s neither an adult nor responsible” 

 -When Gon said he’d do anything for Palm after she said she wanted him to date her, T. spit out his drink and A. facepalmed in a pillow, both laughing “i cant deal with that kid anymore” 

 -A: “does Palm has any other ability aside of being creepy?” 

 -A: “the thing with Gon is that you never know if his ideas are genuis or terrible” T: “you especially dont know when he says “it’s a secret” if he knows what hes gonna do or if he doesnt” 

 -When Killua asks Gon about his dating past:  T. “that… became really gay suddenly” Me: “do you get why people say Killua is gay?” A: “Now yes.” 

 -A: “The presentator on tv has weird eyes…” T: “now she can see in 3D” 

 -A. at Palm and Gon’s date: “i relate to Killua… what a cringe…” 

 -T. at the date: “and let’s play my favorite game: what if we added hisoka to the situation?” A.: “im sure him and Palm would get along” 

 -they yelled at Killua remembering Illumi because of dissociation. they’re worried for him 

 -A., who loves classical ballets, told us that the Zoldyck’s theme is based on a romeo and juliet music 

 -A.: “When the zoldyck music plays, it always end up bad for the adversary…” T.: “It always end bad for everyone in that anime. except for Hisoka and Gon’s father. i dont even remember the name of that asshat.” 

 -After the date, as Killua and Gon shares Chcorobots, A: “Thats it i cant take it anymore i ship them. they are too cute i cant resist them” 

 -A, as Cheetu vs Morel and Knuckle starts: “this arc is such a mess i love it it goes so wrong” 

 -when gon was faced to Kite’s puppet , they started yelling about how no one was stopping him. when Gon started blaming himself, A. threw a hairtie to the screen in frustration. they are worrying for Gon now, feels like he’s losing it. they worry that the adults are using him. like they say “i dont care their reasoning, we’re talking about 12yo. they never saw what gon can do while angry he risked his life on a dodgeball game. it’s dangerous.” 

 -A: “dont tell me they will put rhe two unexperienced kids as a team…” 

 -They are overjoyed to see the Troupe again. A. wanted a showdown between the ants and the troupe. “at least i wont mind if there’s death on both side” 

 -They are disgusted by Pike and they dont get why Zazan is all dominatrix. 

 -“the goth team and the clear hair team” 

 -A: “i understand why you say Shalnark is probably linked to Kurapika, they have the same (lack of) survival instinct” 

 -T: “nice to have some anthropology exploration with that mummy guy" about Beleonov

 -A: “wait is Phinks’s condition really to only turn his wrist? he didnt think too hard about it, and Pika whos putting his life on the line like a moron….”

-A: “im sure kite’s nen was Ging’s idea. it’s a thing with Ging’s idea, it seems terrible and you dont even know if he would himself believe it’d work but it does” 

-Feitan against Zazan: “thats violent…” 

 -A: i dont know what to think of that arc anymore. i dont even know what to comment. 

 -about Kalluto: “it’s killua’s LITTLE BROTHER??? HOW OLD IS HE. 10??? WHY IS HE WITH THE TROUPE” 

 -“are Feitan and the Mummy in a contest of who is gonna blow up the biggest planet” 

 -*seeing the kimera* “is that nina” 

 -A when Phinks blushes when Shal and Feitan makes fun of him for looking for Chrollo: “do everyone has a crush on Chrollo holy fuck” 

 -T: “When it’s to the spiders to be in charge of lifting the weight of the arc….” A: well we wanted responsible adults, we got them” 

 -A. finds impressive how that deep ib the arc, the story is still coherent. the ants are all exploited and you dont feel lost in the substories. she finds it impressive  

-Me: “fun to have a geopolitic story in a furry arc” A: “i wonder what the next arcs will be. will there be a cooking arc” Me: “i mean, isnt it the cooking arc? “ A: *splilling her drink*”… you know what i dont say anything anymore” 

 -A:“… was the Queen on drugs when she created Shaiapouf?”

 -A: “i think i hate (pitou) more than hisoka…. i mean hisoka, you get used to him. she…. is too unsettling and sh’es too cute it makes me uncomfortable” T: “well i mean… hisoka is a p/edophile…”  A: “i mean true but at least you can predict hidoka, she replies to orders. you can discuss with Hisoka, not with her. Like how Pika talked with him” Me: “well then with Pika it was all on Hisoka’s intend...” T: “well you can discuss with him if you’re a teen” A: “Okay true but you can have an ally with hisoka at times. with Pitou, nah” 

 -T “now i thought hisoka was coming”  Me:“if he was in this arc he would have had the boner of the century” T: “thanks Chloé” 

 -when Gon trusted Meleoron right away “what the fuck with that kid. me too Meleoron” 

 -when Ikalgo appeared in that first corpse and started singing, T started laughing and loving him and almost spilled his drink, and A. burried her face in a pillow saying “i dont even know what to say anymore…” 

 -as Killua catches ikalgo: A-: i love this kid T: me i love this octopus omg 

 -as Ikalgo says he wanted to be a squid: A: “how can it be that fun, that wtf and that tragic at once?” 

 -T: i really love that octopus A: i really love that kid 

 -T is determinates and really really love the octopus :’) 

 -the darts game started and A . started to pull very worried faces 

 -When Gon says he will kill Meleoron if he betrays him, A:“this kid really scares me…. he always scared me.”

-they’re cheering as Killua won against the orsos bros and faked his death 

 -turns out T. plays darts too so as Killua was explaining how he survived, he kept figuring how it made sense 

 -they were tense as Killua almost died and they both left out a gasp as Killua apologized about not being of use for gon 

 -they adore Ikalgo, both of them and now they worry he’ll die 

 -A. keeps reading Meleoron as Melanchon, a french politician she doesnt like. we compared that politician to Leol 

 -A. saw Komugi and gasped because “oh no i saw her on your blog”. I’ve been yelling at her to stop looking at my blog and her reaction was “but I’d have to stop using tumblr!”. rood. 

 -T.’s mother walked in after a scene with Meleoron and with the King and she started laughing, not understanding what was going on, just surprised by the designs. she finds the plot about the games to be fun ahah 

 -Morel just told Cheetu he lost because hes an idiot and they both applauded 

-at the King trying to destabilize Komugi and failing T: “well it’s turning against him hes getting destabilized” A: “she controls him so much”

 -When the King ripped his own arm, they both gasped and A. froze and yelled “WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED” 

 -A: “the king is acting reckless and hurts himself… sounds so much like Gon.”  

-A loves how Komugi is in total control of the King ahah 

 -Me at the king's arm being ripped: "hxh and the constant abuse of arms". A. "ye i saw your posts about it. im still baffled by how much of them belongs to Gon"

For the most part, they seemed to like it! A. Kept repeating it was such a mess and she loved how much of a mess it was. It was getting worse and worse and they are seriously getting worried about the situation at hand. 

They are really, really involved in the arc and I’m so glad. For a lot of people I dragged in hxh (and.. me included to some extend) the ca arc was the hardest to get into, and I’m really glad they’re enjoying it that much.

They are looking forward for more and are impressed to have gone this far in the serie.

Despite the fact we skip opening/ending/previews (not my own will, they really don’t wanna see them dkjfhd shame for the previews but oh well) they keep singing the opening theme too. That’s fun :’D

So ye, a good session, a ton of fun, they liked it :D

See you all in another session o/

[galimatios]

t/a rambles 1

back on my bullshit part 1

... should look into the tactics ogre games for novel inspo bc my novel is also a political drama ... UNINTENTIONALLY actually id call it a coming of age story in rhe new adult genre since mc is probably 23-25 i have so many feelings about the novel ugh i love my ocs so much and i put them all om opposing sides for this novel the most complex relationship i have in it i think is alex and his mother or rather prince kreutzer in this au queen elaine and her son prince kreutzer .. god its so fucked up bc kreutzer loves his mother- he was largely isolated as a child and his mother was always so loving and sweet and they were so so close but the prince never knew of the shit his mother did as queen she is a tyrant she must have lost a child once. a princess, i think probably to the king who she may have ... overthrew or usurped maybe but regardless of that shes in power now and because she lost a child she became overly protective of kreu and consolidated her power heard of a plot to infiltrate her kingdom and assassinate the son of the previous tyrant king (?) and she just fucking ruled with an iron fist because she has so little trust in the goodness of people that she thinks the only way to achieve good is to force it and as a result she kills anyone who steps out of line thus making the people resent her deeply but to kreutzer shes his mother his loving and doting mother who does all she can to protect him the novel actually starts um after the queen is assassinated h a its not her story but shes a big part of it even after her death bc a big portion of the theme is like coming to terms with the complexity of individuals no one is all good or all bad and kreu starts out unable to understand this he has a very black and white view of moralitt like his mother at the beginning on his coronation day theres an assassination attempt made on him but he gets whisked away by the court jester after that a coup is staged and rebels take over the country and the prince is forced to hide with a traveling circus that the jester brings him to where every performer... is a fugitive or criminal! and thats where his personal growth really begins bc he learns abt these people and realizes his world view was wrong people are complex people do bad things... for just reasons and vice versa esp Keith who makes a major appearance in the novel his entire bg story takes place outside the novel as well hahaha but its a lot after a raid on his village, hes orphaned along w his little sister who is ill so to make ends meet / buy medicine he does literally every fucking crime under the sun starting off with petty theft and scaling up to murder literally sacrificing every last shred of innocence he has for the sake of his ailing sister who... dies anyway! and im thinking, tbh, its a fantine/cosette/thenardiers type sitch where this quack doctor is basically scamming him except instead of fantine dying cosette does anyway thats where he fucking hits rock bottom he could handle things as long as he had someone to fight for you know he was alright with it bc his sister was there, his saving grace but when she dies hes all alone thats probably when lydia finds him i imagine he would he on the verge of suicide or at the very least dying of self imposed starvation and neglect but honestly probably suicide julie's death on top of the crushinf weight of all the crimes hes committed the innocence he lost, the lives he took its just way too much and hes just a naive kid lydia finds him and takes him back to the circus takes care of him gives him food and water and shelter and slowly tries to reach him slowly teaching him that there is still life to be lived that he is so young, and it is far too soon for him to lay down and die that he should live for his dead family, because that is what they would want to keep their memory alive in his heart and he begins to come around slowly starts doing chores for the troup then he finally sees one of their performances acrobats and the trapeze and the glitz and the glamor its the first time in years where he ... wasnt thinking about his dead sister or his trauma he asks lydia to teach him how to "do that" he says while pointing at the stage and so she does and ever since then hes taken up performing full time as a .. daredevil type act doing outrageously dangerous things for the thrill of it it excites him, the risk he loves to see how close to the edge of death he can walk without falling and it fuels him makes him enjoy being alive again and he's.. happy god by the time you meet keith in the novel he's just this happy go lucky teen with this smugness about him a kind of dangerousness belying a sweet exterior he's all jokes and laughs at this point and you'd never be able to tell what he went thru at first glance or at all really bc honestly, at this point he honest to god is okay lies and dirt - Last Thursday at 6:00 AM he... doesnt need anyone's pity. he doesn't need anything but the feeling of being alive now and one of the major points of the novel is prince kreu's relationship with him... bc at first they really clash and kreu is just... he's a fucking criminal and all of then deserve to hang keith plays this off w jokes at first but kreu keeps being antagonistic bc he just cant believe a criminal like him is getting away without punishment but then one day keith snaps at him knife to the prince's throat dangerous, cat like eyes, the usual smile on his face no where to be found you're right. i'm a thief. a liar. a criminal. a murderer. i'm all those things. but i'll tell you one thing, prince: i'm not worthless. he pulls the knife away and walks off leaving the prince stunned after this lydia talks to kreu explaining that maybe he shouldn't judge keith so quickly hinting that the circumstances of his life were... not ideal when i first found him, he was already half dead. perhaps not physically, but in the eyes. you could see the reaper in them. hhmgmgn i need to think more abt the circumstances around this scene ah keith must have been looking for a good place to die

the music from the circus reminded him of better days, when he played songs with his family. i imagine him.. outside the tent, somewhere obscured and there's music flowing from its interior... he's tired. he sits down against a barrel and he's been starving, exhausted... letting sleep take him away on the songs from the circus back to a time he used to be happy...

lydia fines him and shakes him but his eyes look glassy and he's unresponsive

he's taken poison must have been something from his former days working as an assassin something he saved for himself just in case and that's when lydia takes him in and nurses him back to health she's a water mage w healing capabilities so she's able to do it and i imagine at first keith is hurt, angry why am i still alive? i im fucking myself up in the feels i hate this THIS ISNT EBEN IN THE FUCKINF BOOK IT ALL HAPPENS BEFORE IT KEITJS NOT THE MAIN CHARACTER HERE BUT IM SO FUCKED UP ugh after kreutzer learns a bit abt keiiths origins he actually thinks a lot. and tries to make amends. apologizes to keith who doesnt say anything much he's sitting, eyes away from the prince, fiddling with the knives he uses for his performances

"a raid took my parents away. illness took away my sister."

"i did a lot of things for money. most of it i'm not proud of. but i would have done anything to save her... you know?"

"you've got someone you love too, don't you?" kreutzer thinks of his mother. the surrogate brother who disappeared on him and never returned "i do." "then, you get it." after this they start to really bond almost as siblings.. which is really funny bc kreutzer doesnt need to be protective of keith keith can MORE THAN take care of himself but its new for kreutzer to feel.. responsibility for someone else like this he was always the one protected before keith laughs at this a lot what're you trying to do? be my big bro? but secretly he ...really likes having family again as idiotic as kreutzer is ofc lydia has always been there for him but as a surrogate mother an older sib is new and.. kind of nice in canon modern au they really are basically bros LOL actually cousins via mothers but alex/kreu goes to live w keiths family after his mom (lain) dies so they essentially grow up like brothers i didn't even get started w the fucking mess that is alan and kreutzer alan goes by calisto also and he hes the court jester but he was trained from a young age as a snake in the kings court he was supposed to kill the prince when the time was right but alan and his dumb fucking gay ass FALLS IN LOVE WITH HIM INSTEAD spoiler alert: its unrequited btwn alex and alan is NEVER requited in ALL aus its because alan ... doesnt love himself at all. he has no sense of... purpose or identity alex can never love someone like that but either way he becomes the prince's personal servant and entertainer and this idiot falls for him the naivete he displays, the timid stateliness, the unfitting title of prince bestowed on his shoulders- kreutzer is far too soft to be the leader of this kingdom and alan increasingly has the desire to protect him even as kreu grows older and more skilled in his studies there is always the anxious trepidation they also grow up together from around ages 11-present at the time of the novels start god alan loves him so much it hurts me but its so one sided alex loves cyrus in modern au ): alan could never be more than just a phase tbh poor guy alan and his low self esteem and depression the worst part of this thougg is that because alan feels aimless and without purpose when he falls for kreutzer he ... finally has his OWN cause to fight for and he takes it to the extreme betraying everyone that trusted him to do his job for the sake of a man who wont ever love him it bites him in the ass too bc i kill him off as a catalyst for other stuff h ahahahhahahahahahahaha not just kill him off but horribly because HE FUCKING BETRAYED HIS ENTIRE SIDE THEY ARE, UNDERSTANDABLY, PISSED Alan is so fuckong flawed hes a fuckinf mess and i love it ugh im thinkijg of another scene in the novel once kreutzer gets captured bt the coup rebels he actuallt submits himself voluntarily bc keith gets kidnapped and used as ransom keith tells him hes a fucking idiot keiths life doesnt matter dont fucking come for me! but kreu doesnt listen obviously and they torture kreutzer bc i love suffering and after that they make him listen in a mock trial to the testimonials of all the people hurt by his mother death to the queen! death to elaine of koel! all the horrible stories of lives unjustly cut short because of his mother it breaks him because he loves his mother so much but she's done all these horrible things he doesn't know what to do how to make amends the damage was done and he takes their wrath their scorn and anguish and i'm sorry as if sorry could ever fix anything but it is his burden to carry, his punishment to suffer in place of the queen ironically this makes lilya have a change of heart she was infiltrating the queens court just as alan did and she is directly responsible for her death her assassination, i think or the king's? either way shes part of the rebel forces and she DESPISES the queen good fucking riddance as far as she's concerned that woman made her life hell(edited) so she can rot in it for all lilya cares for but seeing kreutzer there bloodied tortured sobbing broken and taking the punishment doled out to him without so much as a word of protest(edited) she thinks... this... isnt right this is wrong. because kreutzer was not responsible for the sins of his mother as much as people want to blame him, take out their anger on him lilya was at first all gung ho about ending the royal bloodline lies and dirt - Last Thursday at 7:02 AM but she reconsiders this moment feels something tugging at her this isnt right

she remembers her sister back at the circus— lydia. who she always loved dearly but clashed with, leading to her abandoning the circus and joining the rebellion.

retribution is deserved, but should it be served? what then makes us different from our oppressors?

or sth like that so she rescues kreutzer takes him back to the circus. and reunites with her sister after so many years after that ik not entirely sure what to do w the novel LOL bc i know there has to he a big battle bc the rebellion forces begin to quell opposition like how the communist regime in other countries started in ernest bc people felt oppressed but then they went too far and started culling the middle class so then kreutzer leads his own rebellion force against them to take back the country then once he wins he uses his kinghood to dissolve the monarchy and embrace democracy instead asking lydia to lead hes much too tired to lead, and she is much better suited for it but hm inhabe to think more about that entire segment after this he takes over lydias spot in the circus as its owner and organizer and with keith he spends the rest of his days helping people just like keith also they properly mourn alans death it takes forever for kreu to come to terms w his mothers assassination and crimes he probably never truly works it out but he begins to be able to recognize that she is both the tyrant queen and his loving mother that they do not cancel eachother out, that they are not mutually exclusive they are one in the same UGH IM SO UPSET I WISH ID FUCKING WRITE THIS BC I WANT TO FUCKING READ IT the message i wanna convey is like people.. are complex, imperfect, and the systems they create are also subjected to that but everyone does things for a reason. no matter what that reason is and i want lydia to address this too when she becomes the new prime minister of koel a democracy is not perfect, because man is not perfect. there will be hardship, mistakes made along the way. but together we can grow, improve, and learn about one another— and better our society for it. and i believe anywhere injustice goes, justice will always follow(edited) sth like that ig