#why every post I start to write about Them(tm) turns into a mini essay

[nohaijiachi]

Re: your last reblog, aside from... trauma sometimes very obviously coloring people's view of things (like anon), I think one reason the fandom in general cares more about Crowley's wants and needs is that... We don't see much at all of them being met. Crowley has the Bentley, the plants, and good alcohol. At a stretch he has his fashionable clothes.

Aziraphale feels guilty for wanting the things he wants, but he still has them: the bookshop is his cozy little nest where Crowley's flat is 100% aesthetic (and yes I know it's a refuge for Crowley but it's not his home, is what I mean, in the sense that he doesn't live there); he has his books, his records, his favorite mug and his favorite tea, his shops, his restaurants where they know him by name, and so on and so forth. And he has Crowley willing to do literally anything for him bar going back to Heaven.

Of course Crowley's lack of things, of comforts, of basically anything, isn't Aziraphale's fault (to me, he's very obviously punishing himself, and he does whatever Aziraphale wants because he wants to make him happy, not because Aziraphale is making him) but I think that seeing Aziraphale having those things and Crowley having basically nothing, and then adding that point that Crowley will do anything for Aziraphale, it's kind of easy to fall into the false equivalence that Aziraphale should be providing whatever Crowley doesn't have. And don't get me wrong, it'd be nice to see Aziraphale doing more tangible stuff for Crowley because it has become kind of unbalanced (because of them BOTH, let me be clear: Crowley wanted to give Aziraphale whatever he wanted and Aziraphale didn't think too much about it becoming the status quo), but also, aside from stuff like that original temptation to Gluttony that got him started on eating, Aziraphale found those hobbies and those creature comforts by himself, he actively sought them out (case in point: the oysters) and that's what Crowley needs to do, too. (I don't know if I'm making sense here lol)

Answer under the cut to not clog y'all dashboards rip

You def make good points I find myself agreeing with. On this one thing it's much harder to figure out how Crowley feels about it, because we see a lot more of the way Aziraphale engages with his passions and hobbies than we do Crowley, that's for sure. We can argue that he likes gardening, and maybe going for long drives? We also know that book!Crowley likes watching television and has a collection of CDs so we can garner he also likes music-- but all the same we don't see him engage with these interests of his in the same way that Aziraphale clearly revels in reading and listening to records and eating.

It's easy to sort of assume that Crowley's whole existence is pretty much centered around Aziraphale and his company, because we never truly get to see him act particularly relaxed unless he's eating with Aziraphale or drinking with Aziraphale or just be around Aziraphale in general.

Personally I don't think that Crowley doesn't have other things that fill his life with joy other than Aziraphale, mostly because if that was truly the case idk how the poor demon wouldn't have lost it out of sheer boredom during the long stretches of time he spent away from Aziraphale. Is just that by both the narrative beats of the story and Crowley's sort of 'grumpy devil-may-care' attitude it is nowhere near as blatantly obvious that he enjoys being on earth and partake in all the things offered by humanity as it is for Aziraphale.

So yes, I agree this is probably one of the -many- reason why what feels like a large part of the fandom has the tendency of imagining Crowley entirely hopeless and distraught without Aziraphale, and thus to feel like Aziraphale isn't dedicating enough attention to him, or is willingly hurting him by being selfish and callous.

I don't think I've made a secret of how much I disagree with this idea, by this point. They are both extremely important for one another, obviously, and show it in all the big and small ways they've been allowed to by the precarious position they are in as technically enemies on opposite sides. But they are both also their own person with their own ideas and opinions and needs and wants that, sometimes, might not necessarily align; they are both pretty independent and capable of existing more or less satisfyingly even if they aren't in each other's pockets all the time-- So yes, I understand why a lot of people in the fandom think that Crowley is more or less a utterly lost mess that would crumble down without Aziraphale, but I don't, and I lowkey resent this interpretation of him lol.

The one thing I-- sort of disagree?? I guess, in your message, is the fact that their dynamic is unbalanced. For one Crowley is actually plenty capable of saying 'no' to Aziraphale; I'm def also guilty of feeding into this idea because it is, admittedly, really quite amusing to poke a bit of fun at Crowley's expense and call him a simp and say that Aziraphale has him wrapped around his little finger-- It is easy to sort of fall into the trap of thinking that Crowley can be commanded by Aziraphale like an errand boy, and forget that's really not the case.

Which also goes hand in hand with the second reason I don't entirely agree with the idea their dynamic is unbalanced, because I think Crowley takes great satisfaction in doing nice things for Aziraphale. So in that sense things are kept equal in the way that Aziraphale feels happy and satisfied and implicitly knows that Crowley cares for him whenever he's being catered to, and Crowley is equally satisfied by being able to kind of play the part of the attentive partner and see his angel all smiley and happy and be comforted by knowing that Aziraphale isn't afraid of being open with him about the things he wants because he trusts him.

To be clear I also a 100% want to see this happen in reverse. I want a comfortable, utterly relaxed Crowley to do his own version of puppy eyes at Aziraphale to get him to do something nice for him, and I want Aziraphale to happily, gladly do so.

I just don't think that as things between them stood up until the very end of S2 Crowley would have let himself show vulnerability, because they simply aren't quite yet in that comfortable spot in which they can say "yes, we love one another and we are together and we'll keep being together for the rest of all time without having to worry about anybody playing interference or threatening our very existence".

I don't think Crowley will manage to be so vulnerable as to openly display his desires until they reach that safety--- And at the same time I can't and won't blame Aziraphale for it. It's not Aziraphale's fault that Crowley has been forced in a spot in which he is pretty much constantly on guard and won't allow himself to fully relax, just as it isn't Crowley's fault Aziraphale hasn't been able to fully free himself of Heaven's clutch and shake off those unhealthy coping mechanisms he has. They are both stuck in a shitty position trying to make the best of it they can.

I do think part of Crowley's character arc in S3 might be him learning to lower his guard somewhat and be more emotionally open, to reach a point in which he can be as openly happy to be on Earth and enjoy it as Aziraphale is, and am definitely looking forward to it as much as I'm looking forward to Aziraphale finally actualizing his own thoughts and morals independent from whatever Heaven or even God says and fully free himself of those fears and doubts once and for all.