#why havent they shown him struggling at least once with his past

[greaterawarness]

[gracelessfighters]

i fall apart

JJ Maybank x female reader

Masterlist

Summary: kinda like a quick little travel through the relationship between reader and JJ as things get progressively worse (shit summary sorry)

Word count: 1.5k

Warnings: hella angsty, cheating, thats it? im mentioning angst again 

A/N: i’ve had a really bad day today and i wasn’t originally going to write anything because i wasn’t in the mood, but i had this idea and have literally been crying whilst writing it hence the ANGST (not that this situation applies to me tho i’m just emotional) also havent really read through this so ignore the mistakes

~ italics are flashbacks

“Hi, I seem to have lost my phone number, can I have yours instead?” The blue eyed boy said, distracting you from the large crowd around you, the music fading in the distance as you looked at him and laughed.

“I think that’s the worst pick up line I’ve ever heard,” you say, still smiling at him, “but I suppose I can give you credit for trying, why don’t we start off with names blondie.”

“I’m JJ.”

“I’m Y/N, nice to meet you.” You beamed at him, taking his hand and leading him away from all the people on the beach.

That was the night you met JJ, the night your life became so much better and so much worse in the blink of an eye. If you could, you would make it so you never met him, that way at least you wouldn’t be feeling so empty, so broken and in the most pain you’d ever experienced right now.

You sagged back against the sofa, tears welling in your eyes as another memory of your time with JJ hits you without warning.

“Do you two ever stop with the PDA?” Pope scowled at the two of you, you were sprawled across JJ’s lap, his hand intertwined in yours, your lips still a little swollen from the long kisses JJ would steal from you whenever he caught your eye.

“You’re just jealous man,” JJ grinned at Pope, moving to stroke your leg, “jealous that I have an incredible girl on my lap who loves me.”

Your heart flutters as JJ talks about you, this sound too loud for you to hear the small voice in the back of your head notice that he only said you loved him, not the other way around.

But it didn’t matter, you did love him, he was currently one of the only good things in your life, and even if you felt a little wary about his feelings towards you, you knew that was probably just him struggling to admit them, not because they weren’t there.

If only you hadn’t been so naive, so ready to love a troubled boy whose smile and jokes melted your heart, and whose body made you feel faint. Even though you felt he did love you in his own way, he was not the type of boy to commit - to love forever and without fear. Not like you wanted.

You balled your hands into fists, anything to try and calm the shaking that travelled through your body as you began sobbing once again.

You pulled up to the chateau, hoping JJ was there as he hadn’t showed up to your date. You had waited for hours at the table you were meant to share a meal at, both staff and customers looking at you pitifully, not understanding why you refused to order anything because “he was coming, he just must have gotten caught up with something.”

It had taken closing time of the restaurant to lift the hopeful fog from your eyes, as you got into your car, one lonely tear fell down your face. You had been planning this date for months, something special for your four month anniversary - not that four months was a long time in the scheme of things but as the rest of the pogues said, JJ wasn’t one to commit for more than one night normally, so it should be celebrated.

And you thought he wanted to celebrate it too, even answering your text earlier confirming the details of tonight with an excited reply, as if he loved you - he obviously didn’t though.

The chateau seemed quiet from outside, the only sound were the bugs that appeared at night and the soft sniffles from you as you composed yourself, ready to see why JJ hadn’t shown up. You prayed that he had drank too much, that would be the only time you’d be happy if he had, as it meant the answer you feared wasn’t the correct one.

An overwhelming sense of dread came over you as you opened the door and entered the messy but homely place John B lived in. The door to the guest bedroom was closed, maybe he was just sleeping? He might’ve worked too hard today in all the kook’s gardens. Yes that was probably it.

You took a deep breath in and opened the door, wishing you had prepared more for the likely reality, as that was what you were met with. You could feel your heart break as JJ’s eyes opened at the sudden noise, quickly removing himself from the grip of the naked girl beside him when he realised it was you.

You didn’t want to be here, but you couldn’t move or breathe, all you could do was mutter a small “oh”, as your mind caught up to what your eyes were seeing. JJ already scrambling out of the bed, rushing to get his shorts on so he could try and talk his way out of this.

Your body finally moved, your feet carrying you away from the worst thing you’d ever seen, trying to help you escape before you broke completely.

You knew that image was going to forever live in your mind, hell it was there right now - the sleeping girls face so calm and content, and JJ’s was panicked as he realised he hadn’t gotten away with it. Did that girl have something you didn’t? Was she prettier? Or did JJ just never feel the way you did, instead using you as a placeholder until he could use a stupid pick up line on the next girl to walk past him?

That had happened yesterday, and you had barely stopped crying since, your whole body was now weak from the pain you were feeling, the dehydration from the tears that had been shed and from barely moving off your sofa.

Ten missed calls, that was all the effort JJ had put in trying to talk to you, you had seen his name and face appear on your screen each of these times, but you couldn’t bare to hear his excuses right now, couldn’t bare to hear the voice you loved. It hurt a little that he had stopped at ten, not even a text of ‘I’m sorry’ had been sent, just a few calls. And without you answering he must’ve given up, no longer caring about you and even if you hated to admit it he was probably with the pretty blonde girl.

That was until he knocked at your door, shouting for you to let him in to ‘explain.’ You knew he wouldn’t leave if you refused to open it, and honestly you would rather get this over with so you can go to bed, hold a pillow to your chest and cry.

His face was full of guilt when you opened the door, almost enough for you to forgive him then and there, almost.

“Y/N, please it was a moment of weakness I’m sorry.” He said as he walked past you, turning to face you once he reached the lounge.

“It was our anniversary date tonight JJ.” You hated how small your voice sounded, but the pain in your chest had muted any of the fiery emotions you wanted to feel right now.

“Oh shit,” he mumbled, “we can reschedule it, do it next week instead, put this whole thing behind us.”

You shook your head, “No, we can’t just put it behind us. You betrayed me JJ, I loved you and I know now you never loved me, I just wish you had given me the courtesy of telling me before I found you in bed with someone else.”

You wanted to shout or scream, anything to express how hurt you were, but all that came out was a small voice, one that had been broken like never before, and you weren’t sure if it would ever go back to normal.

“I do love you Y/N,” he moved to grab your hand, only for you to step back, “please, I really do love you.”

“No you don’t, I’m not even sure you can love me. At least not the way I want.” You took a breath before continuing, “I want someone I can melt around. I want someone who melts around me too… I don’t want this standoffish, unromantic love that you’re offering. I want more than that and I think I deserve more too.”

He couldn’t look into your sad eyes that contained only the truth, so he walked away, away from you and your relationship until he was out of your house and on his bike, heading somewhere you didn’t care about.

As soon as the door shut, you collapsed, the breath leaving you body. And as you sobbed, all you could think about was how you wished you had never met JJ Maybank.

----

tags: @outerbankslut​

this is highkey really bad but oh well 

[themetaphorgirl]

this is completely out of the blue but i just imagine spencer with a fear of heights that he doesn’t really realize until maybe he’s exploring campus one might and he gets stuck up in the rafters of the chapel, staring down and being too stuck with fear to move and hotch/morgan eventually find him and carry him down. either that or he terrifies the other kids because he sometimes climbs trees to read in and get so HIGH and hes so SMALL and “dear god, spencer, you’re not a CAT” - 🐇

hi yes hello I am physically incapable of writing short drabbles

but I hope y’all like it!!!!

----------

Really, it was Emily’s fault.

The St. Thaddeus campus was covered in tall trees, broad oaks and sap-covered pines and twisting dogwoods, and while it was strictly against the rules to climb trees, and the school groundskeeper was notorious for losing his mind at anyone caught...Emily had never been one for following rules.

And once Emily started climbing trees, Derek couldn’t abide being outdone, so he had to climb higher than her, and faster. And he started teasing JJ, who wouldn’t stand for that, so she would climb up and join them too.

Penelope was adamantly against climbing trees (“I am in a skirt and heels and there is too much nature, let me sit on my picnic blanket in peace, thank you very much”) and Hotch was a stickler for rules (“it’s not worth the risk, and you guys should get down”). Alex sometimes settled for a lower branch, broad and solid enough to stretch out her legs and read a book, and James sometimes joined her. Dave subscribed to Penelope’s theories (“I’m not scuffing these shoes up. They’re brand new. Italian leather.”) and stayed on solid ground.

Spencer was just jealous.

He was the smallest of all of them; Penelope was the next shortest and he didn’t even reach her shoulder. There was one particular pine that he could climb onto the lowest branches, but besides being small for his age, he didn’t have the muscles in his skinny little arms to pull himself up higher. On more than one occasion Emily and Derek had offered to hoist him up to a taller branch, but he was so personally offended that they just laughed and left him to struggle on the ground by himself.

“You’ll grow eventually, passerotto,” Emily had said, ruffling his hair and making him scowl in embarrassment. “For now you’re just our little munchkin.”

“I’m not a baby, Emily!” he had shot back. “I’m ten!”

After a while it got too cold to sit outside in trees, and they retreated to the coffee shop in the student union or the seventh floor common room in Lincoln House, or the library while Alex worked, and tree climbing was forgotten.

They also forgot how stubborn Spencer was.

The door to Spencer and Derek’s shared room was open; Hotch knocked lightly for formality’s sake and peeked in. “Hey, bedchecks,” he said. “You guys okay?”

Derek pulled off his headphones. “Huh?”

“Bedchecks,” Hotch repeated. “How are you and…” He stopped. “Where’s Spencer?”

Derek looked around the small room. “Uh...no idea,” he said. “He was here, though, I’m pretty sure.”

Hotch checked his watch. “Okay, well, he’s never missed bedchecks before,” he said. “Is he in the bathroom?”

“Maybe,” Derek said, sliding off his bed. 

There was no sign of Spencer in the bathroom, or the common room, or the lobby of Lincoln House. “God, we need to get him a phone,” Hotch said. He rubbed his temples. “Okay. When did you see him last?”

“He was at dinner,” Derek offered. “Maybe he’s with Alex? Or the girls?”

“Text Penelope, her phone’s glued to her hand and she’ll answer faster than JJ,” Hotch said. “I’ll text Alex. But she’s always gotten Spencer back here on time for bedchecks.”

Derek held up his phone first.

pen ~*baby girl*~ garcia 8:14pm noooo I havent seen boy wonder since dinner!!

“And then it’s just a bunch of emojis,” Derek said. Hotch’s phone buzzed. “What did Alex say?”

mom friend miller 8:15pm I don’t have him. did you lose him???

Hotch groaned. “God, we lost him,” he said. 

“Should we go looking for him?” Derek asked.

“Yeah, I have to,” Hotch said. 

Derek scowled. “Hey, I’m coming with you,” he said. Hotch opened his mouth to argue. “Yeah, I know, I’m an underclassmen and I’m supposed to be in my room by eight. Fuck that, you’re my RA and you don’t have to report me to Gideon. And let’s be real, Gideon won’t care.”

Hotch sighed. “All right, fine,” he said. “I’ll text Alex and Emily too. But I’m not letting JJ and Penelope get in trouble.”

Hotch’s phone buzzed again; Derek leaned over his arm and snickered at the screen.

the cause of my headaches prentiss 8:17pm holy shit hotchner did you lose a whole ass child?????????

“Okay, okay, let’s just go,” Hotch said, rolling his eyes.

They grabbed jackets before they left; it wasn’t snowing yet but the November air had a sharp cold bite. It was already dark, and Hotch tried to stifled the worry beginning to crawl at the back of his neck.

The girls met them in the courtyard. Emily had already washed off her makeup and tied her hair up in a scraggly excuse for a ponytail. “How’d you lose Spencer?” she asked. 

“I didn’t lose him!” Hotch protested.

“Emily, tease him later when we’ve found Spencer,” Alex said. She jammed her hands in her coat pockets and her long hair spilled over her shoulders. “Where’s the last place someone saw him?”

“Dinner,” Hotch said. “He must have slipped off somewhere without anybody noticing. I don’t know where he could have gone. Or why he would have gone.”

“I don’t think he would have gone back in the main building, I’m usually one of the last ones out of there and it’s locked up tight,” Alex said.

“He’s got to be somewhere on campus,” Emily said, tugging the zipper of her North Face jacket. “And I don’t think he would have wandered too far.”

“We’ll split up,” Hotch said. “Just stay in contact. Text the group chat in fifteen minutes with any updates.”

They headed in their separate directions; Hotch pulled his hood up as the wind started to blow. It wasn’t like Spencer to wander off without telling anyone where he was going, or without getting back to his dorm by curfew. 

He wouldn’t worry yet. Or at least, not acknowledge that he was worried. 

He’d almost reached the end of the fifteen-minute window when he got to the overgrown fence around the abandoned amphitheater. That would make sense- the older kids had shown it to them at the beginning of the school year and it was one of their most common hang out spots before the weather had gotten too cold.

He reached through the ivy covering the gates and rattled the latch.

“Hello?”

He nearly pissed himself.

“Who said that?” he said, a little too sharply. He wrestled with the gate, trying to forcibly yank it open.

“Hotch?”

He stopped. He knew that voice.

“Spencer?” he said. “Where are you?”

“...up here.”

He let go of the latch and took a step back. “What do you mean, ‘up here’?” he said.

Several tall trees flanked the amphitheater. The branches of a particularly tall pine rattled. “I mean...up here,” Spencer said.

Hotch looked up. He could see a little figure huddled on a branch about fifteen feet above the ground. “What the actual fuck do you think you’re doing?” he said.

“I might have miscalculated,” Spencer said in a small, wobbly voice. “I just wanted to practice.”

“Practice climbing trees?” Hotch said. “Spencer. It’s past bedchecks. The sun’s gone down. It’s freezing.”

“I was only going to be out here for a little while!” he protested. “I just...climbed a little higher than usual. And then I realized something.”

“That you’d made a terrible, terrible mistake?” Hotch said dryly.

“Uh-huh.”

Hotch sighed. “So you climbed too high and you can’t get back down?” he said.

A pause. “Uh-huh.”

Hotch pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Let me text the others,” he said, typing out a message to the group chat. “Are you okay? You’re not hurt?”

“I’m very tired of sitting on a tree branch that does not have enough stability, but other than that, I’m okay,” Spencer said. “And...I might be a little cold.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Hotch said. He peered up in the dark tree branches; he could just barely make out Spencer’s silhouette. “Well, we’ll get you down. But I may tell Gideon you missed bedchecks.”

“No, Hotch, please, don’t get me in trouble!” Spencer protested. “I’ll be good! I won’t do it again!”

Derek jogged towards them. “Hotch, you found him?” he called. Hotch silently pointed upwards. “Holy shit. What’re you doing up there, pretty boy?”

“Regretting all my life choices that brought me to this point!”

“You’re only ten. How many life choices have you made so far?”

“Enough to regret this! Please get me down!”

Derek grinned, his hands on his hips. “Should we let him sit up there a little longer, let him think about what he’s done?” he asked.

“No, I think he’s suffered enough,” Hotch said. “You climb up and get him, I’ll spot.”

Derek pushed up the sleeves of his sweatshirt. “All right, all right, I’ll get him,” he said.

Hotch crossed his arms and watched as Derek climbed easily up the pattern of branches. “Be careful,” he called.

“Why are you talking to a tree, Hotchner?” Emily asked.

He glanced back at the girls. “I’m not talking to a tree, I’m talking to the child prodigy stuck in a tree,” he said.

Alex sighed heavily. “Oh, lord,” she said. “Spencer? Are you okay?”

“I’ll be better when I’m out of here!”

“Is Emily here?” Derek said. “Can you climb up a little and spot?”

“Yeah, I can!” she said. She pulled herself up, her long legs in her flannel pajama pants still visible but her upper half vanishing into the trees.

“Don’t drop him!” Hotch warned.

“Yeah, please, don’t drop me!”

It was a slow process, but eventually they got Spencer back onto solid ground. His knees buckled the second Derek put him down. “Give me a second, give me a second,” he sighed, pressing his hands over his face. “Oh my god.”

Hotch crouched down beside him. “What have we learned?” he asked.

“I’m never climbing trees again,” Spencer said, slightly muffled. “Never again. The ground was so far away.”

“Not a fan of heights?” Emily teased.

“Any hopes I had of being an astronaut have been officially dashed.”

“You could have gotten seriously hurt, Spencer,” Alex said. “What the hell were you thinking?”

He huddled on the ground, his face still covered. “I was tired of everybody teasing me!” he said. “I thought that maybe...I could practice now, and then in the spring nobody would tease me for not being able to climb trees...and...and it’s extremely childish now that I’m saying it out loud.”

“It is childish,” Hotch said. “Alex is right, you could have gotten hurt. And what if we hadn’t come looking for you? You could have-”

Spencer raised his head, and the tear tracks on his cheeks were shiny in the moonlight. “Can you yell at me tomorrow, please?” he asked.

Hotch softened. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow,” he said. “Not yelling, I promise. But we’re going to have a talk.” Spencer nodded, his lower lip trembling. “And I won’t tell Gideon, as long as you promise to never pull a stunt like this again.”

Spencer nodded again. Hotch held out his hand to help him off ground and he took it, wobbling to his feet. “I promise I’ll never pull a stunt like this again,” he said. 

Emily pulled him into a hug. “And I’ll lay off on teasing you, okay? I’m calling a truce,” she said. She frowned and pushed him back to hold him at arm’s length. “You are freezing. Jesus.”

“Hotch, give me your hoodie,” Alex said. He took it off quickly and she slid Spencer’s arms through the sleeves and zipped up the front. The cuffs dangled past his small hands. 

“I updated the group chat,” Derek said. “Dave and James were about ready to drive over here and help look.”

Spencer’s lower lip wobbled. Alex hugged him tightly and he wrapped his arms around her waist, hiding his face against her stomach. “Come on, darling, let’s get you back to your room and warmed up,” she said. 

“Yeah, Penelope and JJ are making hot chocolate,” Derek said.

“Oh, I’m definitely coming back with you guys,” Emily saiid.

Spencer peeked out from the safety of Alex’s hug. “There’s still marshmallows, right?” he asked. 

Hotch playfully tugged his jacket hood over his head. “As long as you didn’t eat all of them,” he said. 

Spencer pushed back the hood and grinned. “I might have left a couple,” he said. “You know, I could see the creek from all the way up there.”

“Oh, yeah?” Emily said. She ruffled his hair. “Maybe you’ll try this again later, when you’re a little taller. I bet you’ll be taller than me someday.”

“Not taller than me, though,” Derek said. “Almost, though.”

[dustofbrokenheart]

The Covenant: Top Anon

Pogue Parry x Reader

Word Count: 2,288

Summary: You have a loyal follower who comments on every post under your food blog. Just who is your favorite follower and why is the new grocery boy kinda cute too?

It was a new year and the start of a new you. Well, that is, a you who was trying new things.

In the past, you always made resolutions, but that spirit ran out before the month of January was even done. But after the particularly rough time of the past year, you swore that this time would be different, that you would make a serious effort to do something new.

It was that determination that led your current situation—your kitchen countertops were covered with ingredients and cooking utensils, your cell phone resting on a near by tripod for filming purposes.

The goal for this year was to try running a blog, and since you were a bit of a foodie, it made a lot of sense to center the blog around cooking and food. The idea came to you quickly; the hard part was deciding on a name, which took a while.

Eventually, you settled on The Foodiest. Naming was not one of your strong suits, but it was enough to get the point clearly across to potential viewers.

Choosing the layout design was on the same level of easy as deciding and didn’t take more than a day or two to implement on your site. Thank goodness for the existence of pre-made layout templates that saved you the effort of having to code everything yourself.  

With of the work on that end finished, the day had finally come for you to actually cook something to post about. Seeing as how January was a cold, winter month, you chose to make mashed sweet potatoes. Not only was it one of your favorite winter side dishes, it wasn’t hard to make either, giving you the confidence that even if your writing was lackluster, at least the food would look good.

Most of the blogs you were familiar with used a combination of text and photos for readers to follow along with, but you were going to try video in place of images. You sometimes struggled to copy based on what was shown in the photo, especially when you first started cooking, so you hoped video would make it easier on budding chefs who came across your content.

Luckily, the video would be sped up and lapsed for the final post to spare people from having to watch the monotonous parts in full length.

Hands on your hips, you surveyed everything one last time to make sure it was all ready. With a satisfied nod you reached forward to tap the large, red record button on the phone.  

You debated whether or not to talk while filming but decided against it. You were nervous enough posting to the blog without having the added stress of talking.

Everything happened in its regular order: you started by peeling and chopping the potatoes, a basic step, but you took your time doing it, paranoid as ever that you would cut yourself with the knife. Next you boiled the bright orange chunks in a pot of water; then put them in a mixing bowl once they were cooked. And finally used an electric mixer to blend it all nice and smooth, adding in milk, brown sugar, and cinnamon.  

Swiping your pointer finger through the finished product, you hummed with delight at the delicious, sweet taste. You pulled out a presentable bowl from the cupboard and spooned some orange fluff into it for the final reveal. Reaching blindly towards the far end of the counter you grabbed a bag of pecans to top off the mashed sweet potatoes. You scrutinized it and added more pecans for good measure.

Doing something in front of a camera was very different than doing the same thing on a normal day. Tension leeched out of your shoulders and you exhaled loudly with your head leaned back. A sense of pride warmed your chest, especially as you returned your gaze to the picturesque bowl. It looked great and tasted even better.

There was a large portion of leftovers because the recipes you used were collected from family and meant to feed small armies of people. You did your best to eat what you could and made plans sharing the rest with friends and coworkers later.

A few days after you published the post, you decided to check the stats on your account dashboard to see what the public response to it was, if there was any at all. Google analytics was useful for counting the total number of views it received while the blog site itself tracked the likes and… a comment?

Initial shock gave way to a bolt of excitement that had your fingers tingling with energy. You clicked to read it, wondering what it may say. Fingers crossed it was something good, whether it came in the form of a compliment or some constructive criticism.

Anonymous: wow good job

The chair creaked as you sat back slowly. You didn’t know how to read that, there wasn’t a whole lot to go on. Wow good job, said sarcastically? Wow good job, said excitedly? It didn’t help that the commenter didn’t believe in using punctuation either. And since it was submitted anonymously, there was no easy way to track down who sent it.

But maybe you were being too paranoid about it. You decided to take it as a compliment and cracked your fingers before firing off a response.

Foodiest: Thanks anon! I had a lot of fun with this dish. Hope you tune in for the next one :)

Anonymous never followed up with that particular exchange but they commented on every post without fail for the next two months.

Anonymous: nevr had white chili before it was good

Anonymous: the stuffed pepper were good

Anonymous: good call with the shrimp

Of course, all of the messages were sent as anonymous, so there was no 100% guarantee that it was the same person, but your gut feeling told you that it was. Who else had no respect for grammar rules and religiously used ‘good’ as their only descriptor?

You grew to expect, and enjoy, the weekly comment left by anon and made sure to leave a nice response in return. It was hard not to feel a connection to someone who took the time to try your recipes and leave a nice message. If only you could figure out who it was or at least have a name for them besides anonymous.

Foodiest: I’m glad you liked the recipe! My gramma swore by mayo when making grilled cheese. Thanks for always liking my stuff, if you ever want to talk more feel free to message me!

There. Maybe that would make them feel comfortable to give you their name you thought as you powered down your laptop for the night.

You spent the next couple of days leading up to the new post planning on what recipe to cook. Yep. Definitely not hoping for more information about anon.

For this newest post you decided to make some Indian curry, one of your favorites. Even long after you finished cooking, taping, and cleaning, the potent scent of spices was still heavy in the air, like aromatic nirvana that had your mouth watering even with a full stomach.

You tried your best not to refresh the post every few minutes to see if anon commented but it was tough. It turned out that you didn’t have to wait long as they left a comment within twenty minutes.

Anonymous: havent cooked this yet but looks good. Never really had indian before so have to go buy the stufff first – po

Anon finally gave up a name! You let out a happy noise and read it again. Po… short and to the point, just like all of the previous responses had led you to think about them. There was no time to waste, you hurried to write back, initial typos all over the place as the words out-paced your fingers.

Foodiest: Hi Po! It’s nice to have a name to put with your words. I would recommend going to an Asian Market for the spices, they’re more likely to carry them. Let me know how it goes for you :)

Since that conversation, Po and you chatted frequently about the weekly recipe choice, whether or not it looked good and if Po had plans to make it themselves, which they often did. Po seemed to like all types of food; vegetarian, meats, drinks, desserts, even ethnic dishes from places as far off as Bolivia and Morocco.

And the longer you two talked, the more frequent the messaging became. Whereas in the beginning Po would only submit a compliment that you would follow up with a ‘thank you’, it had turned into lengthy back and forths that took up a majority of the comment section for each post. More followers joined as the months went by and you hoped that they weren’t intimidated by your blatant favoritism but it was just so easy to talk with Po. If you were being honest with yourself though, it wasn’t only that it was easy… you genuinely liked talking to them.

Every time you made a new post it was difficult to not refresh the page every few minutes to see if they had left a message. And when they did, it was like a shot of electricity straight into the system where your heart would jolt and your face would flood with heat. You were hesitant to say it was a crush given that you didn’t know what they actually looked like and the computer screen barrier made it so you were content to define it as friendship.

Pushing those thoughts aside, you grabbed your wallet and keys while putting on shoes so you could make a quick run to the store. You had big plans to make some buffalo chicken wings for the blog this week and you needed to stop by the store to pick up some ingredients that you didn’t have, namely Frank’s Original Red for the buffalo sauce and blue cheese for the dip. Being an adult and responsible for your own grocery shopping was a chore at times. 

Luckily, Winter had thawed out into Spring so there was no need for you to warm up or car or scrape your windows. You just hopped in and drove the four blocks it took to get to the store. The plan was to cross the stuff for the wings off of your list first and then browse around for some good snacks to tide you over for the next week or so. Things were going according to plan until you saw him.

A tall boy wearing an employee apron stood in front of the cracker section, his jaw line and soft looking long hair catching your eye. Then he reached up to the tallest shelf to restock some boxes his arms flexing slightly to show off his heavy biceps and his shirt rode up, exposing deep cut ridges in his lower abdomen. To put it simply, you were starstruck.

He finished with the boxes he had in-hand and went to grab more from the cart at his side when you noticed your blatant ogling. Rather than confront you about it he merely smiled and moved out of the way so that you could get to the brand that you wanted. Choking from embarrassment, you kept your head down and threw a box of Goldfish into your shopping cart, speeding to get out of the aisle and his presence.

The store was a small local business and you frequented enough to know most of the workers there but you didn’t recognize this one, meaning that he must be new. What a way to make a first impression on him. Clearly your constitution was no match for his rugged, good looks. Then he was polite enough not to comment on you objectifying him which somehow made you feel even worse about it.

You decided to end the shopping trip almost immediately knowing that you were too spooked to continue shopping lest you run into him again.

You rolled the shopping cart into an open check-out lane and started putting your things on the conveyor for the cashier to scan. It just so happened that you knew the cashier—she was a middle-aged lady who’d been at the store for nearly two years. “Hi, Y/N. Find everything you needed?”

“Hey, Eva. Yes, I did.” You tried to steady yourself. Eva had a notoriously sharp eye and wouldn’t hesitate to question you if you looked off.

She left you alone today, engaging in normal chit chat, until she had trouble scanning the bottle of Frank’s hot sauce. Eva frowned when it didn’t want to scan and tried again but the bottle slipped from her hands and the neck of it shattered. Eva cursed and huffed, hurrying to throw the bottle into the trash before more leaked onto the register.

“I am so sorry, hun! I’ll get you another.”

“It was an accident,” you assured. “I can get it myself—"

“Not a problem,” she assured you with a wink. She pulled a walkie from her hip and spoke into it. “Hey, bring me a bottle of Frank’s Original Red Hot Sauce. Quick.”

You barely had time to don your awkward smile as she talked about how her neighbor’s dog kept pooping in her yard when the guy from the cracker aisle walked up behind Eva and handed a bottle of hot sauce to her. She took it and patted his back to get him to move forward.

“Thanks, hun. Y/N this is the new grocery boy—”

“Pogue,” he interrupted. “My name is Pogue.”

_______________

Another fic where they know each other but don’t know that they do. This time featuring Pogue and his fandom accepted interest in food. I picture him to have bad messaging skills — his fingers struggle with those tiny phone buttons. 

[meduise]

my own hibari headcanons

[reposting because of adult terminology crimes, lol]

been meaning to write down my list of hcs for a while anyway, and now i have the occasion to get to it! among the others im gonna add what i decided to avoid putting under this post and give more details about what i already wrote there

content/trigger warnings: death, assassination, mental illness, eating disorders

the list will be under the cut! it excludes my strictly shippy hcs and i may update it over time

first things first. like my own blog title suggests, i hc hibari as a trans guy.  i’m trans myself, so this is arguably the hc of mine im the most attached to for personal comfort reasons LOL. it all started when i read a fic about trans hibari a few years ago and later on i got more and more fond of this transcanon, becoming 100% personal. i also hc that he doesnt feel dysphoric. as for his sexuality i hc him as gay

we know that hibari and fon are relatives. my idea is that they’re step-brothers (different mother), and long lost to that. NOW. i realize that with the assumption of fon’s age, them being siblings is unlikely, but it shouldn’t be impossible. their father could be old enough. he got married to a chinese woman who gave birth to fon, then divorced, then got married again to a japanese woman, kyouya’s mom. (i kinda based this on my irls situation, where because of the parents’ second marriage there is at least a good 20 years of gap between the oldest and youngest sibling)

the hibari family was part of the yakuza. to answer a question that was made to me: i agree that hibari “just liking fighting” isnt funny at all. i heavily believe that there’s a psychological reason to his behavior but im going to talk about this in another point below. i also think that hibari was probably the heir to the clan, but here in my head hibari is still too young for it, like 5-6 years old.

when hibari was a child his parents got killed in the hibari household. how could they get killed in their own house, didn’t they have enough protection? they did. but the guard was low considering who turned out to be their murderers were old, trusted allies. kyouya only survived because he managed to hide properly and long enough. he didnt witness the assassination but he did see his parents in a pool of blood after everything ended. before dying, his mom left a last message to him: be stronger than anyone else. because of the trauma, even in the present hibari avoids going back to that house as much as he can and especially he never reopens the door of the crime scene. hibari also still grows into a delinquent, but he dislikes the mafia world and wishes he didnt have to be involved with it

for a while, hibari is in fon’s mother’s custody. here is when he meets fon for the first time, over time they get very attached to one another, but because of the arcobaleno matters, fon goes disappearing, and hibari ends up assuming fon has died and left him behind just like this parents did. fon reappears and goes to meet hibari in occasion of the arcobaleno representative battles and of course wit trauma resurface and about 10 years of beliefs and assumptions hibari really, really struggles with this reunion, but eventually they bond again. (for this one i dont take into account the events in the anime only arcobaleno trial events, as well as the fact that we see all the arcobalenos revived at the end of the future arc)

hibari has an antisocial personality disorder (which implies he already had conduct disorders before the age of 15). it explains his violent and criminal behavior, as well as the fact that he doesn’t feel guilty for anything he does. he also suffers from ptsd and has eating disorders (i thought about the avoidant food intake, where, among the other symptoms, a person avoids to extreme levels some types of food because of characteristics such as their pattern or their color and generally lacks appetite/interest in food)

(wears my enneagram nerd hat) HIBARI IS A TYPE EIGHT. 8w7 precisely, aka the maverick. all about type eight is basically a call out to hibari lmfao but here’s the most relevant characteristics: eights are the real stand-alones of the enneagram. eights’ basic fear is to be harmed and controlled by others, and they steel up to prevent their basic fear from happening (or happening again). below the tough facade there is a vulnerability that cant be shown to anyone. their virtue is innocence, an innocence that they once and forever lost, and hibari basically lost it when his family was assassinated. eights are also associated to the deadly sin of lu st. for hibari its not necessarily the ns fw kinda lu st, rather bloodlu st. and its one big paradox because eights want to be in control of their surroundings, but being consumed by lu st means being under something/someone else’s control (and so we’re back to the basic fear). unhealthy eights are violent, despotic, reckless. all things we see in hibari. very unhealthy eights are also those who typically may develop the antisocial disorder, reason why i listed it above

since he wants to dominate his environment, hibari controls over the namimori and especially the school to feel “security”. he managed it through illegal means and pretty much lives in the school, namichuu is also one of the few places where usually he can sleep without having nightmares

yes, hibari loves sleeping but also he gets nightmares about his past more often than not

but i also love imagining hibari gradually healing and recovering from his trauma, so i do hc that in adulthood he’s mentally doing better. he can be a leader without being tyrannical. he can be strong while also acknowledging his own vulnerability. he is able to love again, too

the reason why he has a soft spot for little animals and children, like we see for ipin, is that he (unconsciously?) sees in them the innocence he himself lost. plus tiny and cute things help him cope when he is having episodes

he also treats ipin well because she is fon’s pupil. and i love to think of them as a little family

if hibari has a ring he really likes or is emotionally attached to he makes sure to never wear it on his fingers so he doesnt risk breaking it with his flames

hibari is pretty much a nerd, in his own twisted way. i mean. he’s seen reading in a bunch of official arts and we know that he’s very fond of the wonders of the world, he started up the foundation for his box researches and he knows well how illusions work - which means he studied them. since he was moved by his hatred towards mukuro, his illusion studies must have reached an unhealthy level, becoming an obsession

fon trained hibari on how to fight against illusions as well

for hibari, finding out he has mist flames too was very much of a shock, but he eventually accepts it. he only uses those flames if really needed (like the foundation entry camouflage)

i will get back to this post when i’ll have established:

why hibari picks tonfas as his weapons (i already have an idea but i havent gone into details myself enough to write about it here)

hibari’s parents and fon’s mother’s name

anything relevant that i forgot or come up with

[masterserris]

the rise of skywalker = good

spoilers under cut you were warned

we love sheev the movie

best movie? no. room for improvement? yes. a really good movie overall and the characters were good and made overall good/decently logical choices? absolutely.

 fin good. i love him. and the obvious hint he can use the force is 10/10 he did so much work in this movie. i like poe/fin or rey/fin. or all three together, fuck it, they all hugged in the end anyways

poe is good he’s a good boy him and finn are so good. poe gets a lot of development and care and we love that he struggles but loves his friends and wins in the end by believing in others to come. (he did think they lost but only for a second. he was proven right that people would come. thanks lando we appreciate you here.)

rey is amazing and her growth/struggle is great i love that she’s a palpatine that’s so metal. and she stays good oough yess. palpatine wins in the end? or at least A palpatine? the only survivor? no more sith OR jedi. just. rey palpatine and any other new force users like fin. FINALLLY, evil wins! kinda lmao hahhaahhaha

i like how technically the series stared with palpatine and ended with rey. 

it started with a slave child in the desert (anakin) who became dark, and ended with a child soldier in the dark who became light at the end (ben)

-

the sheev-ening. we love emperor step peppers. he’s so good in this. force storm ya’ll!! 

“hiS pLaN MakEs nO sEnSe!!1!”

shut tf up. either he possesses rey once she killed him, or he sucks the life outta her and restores himself once he found out about that bond power with ben or force healing whatever it was if she refused (like he did), or just kills her and sends his troops out to take everything over like. that’s not a bad plan bro. he wins either way. the only reason he lost is because the dummy killed himself with his own force lighting (AGAIN, DIDNT YOU LEARN FROM EPISODE 3 OLD MAN????). she did not strike him down, she defended. he killed himself, technically. she pulled a luke in that sense. it was not the jedi way. (though i guess by the end she is neither sith nor jedi)

plus he made an armada in secret the man was geared for success and had access to cloning tech too, as shown by snoke. if he couldnt have rey, he would have cloned himself or some shit. he has space voodoo, the man is scary and i love him for it. 

-

ben was. ok. kylo was much more intimidating and straight forward with his actions at least. and ben switching sides made sense. what i didnt like was his ending very much. why tf did he and rey kiss????? they were enemies for 2 and 3/4 movies. they didnt even speak until he showed up to help fight palpatine. 

there is a bit of tension but not romantic whatever, he just poofed once he resurrected rey anyways. rip all skywalkers 2019

she is an adopted skywalker and that’s nice.

side tangent bc i’ve been seeing some fans crying over ben’s death, which i get it if you are a big fan of him:

((i guess i was just way more invested into rey as a character than ben solo. he was. there. he was alright, i could see the struggle but the tone-shift from TLJ really threw things wack and i just ended up not caring too much when he died unforntuately. i wish i did more. i mean it was sad, it would have been neat if he lived, but i kinda saw it coming as soon as rey “died”

im like, oh, he’s gonna climb up bc of course he’s fine and then save her since he saw her use force healing, so he’s gonna try it. he’s resurrecting the dead so it’s either gonna kill him or really make him weak. we got the former so. yeah. it was anticipated kinda. leia dying was much more emotional for me i guess. the love between her and her son was way more impactful than ben and rey. 

like i said!! they were enemies for so long!! he tried to reach out, but he was a slimey dark side bitch who was trying to convert her and she knew it and wasnt down with that shit!! that aint romantic ya’ll!! christ! he was only good for 20 minutes before he died and they didnt even talk before he just showed up! if they had more time really getting into it and if he was good and reached out to her to talk, that would have been way better and more convincing is all im saying. 

sure they fought together on snoke’s ship and talked, but it was still very. scary for rey. and then he attacked her friends and rebellion again! bitch, why did she kiss him!?

nothing against reylo shippers, i really dont care, that’s your business, i personally enjoy fin/rey much more, im just saying it seems forced in this situation. they tried to kill each other so many times. that’s animosity, not love.))

WHERE WAS ANAKIN AND OBI FORCE GHOST UGH. at least we got all of the voices of the jedi past helping rey in the climax that was awesome (including jin, obi, yoda, anakin, luke, leia, ect)

yeah also rip leia. she should have died in the second movie but she was good in this and it really hit the feels since carrie is... dead for real.

luke was good in this!!!! helpful boy!!! nice boy!!! i liked the flash back to when he trained leia it was so sweet to see them young again, if only for a moment.

the han solo scene was good ough my heart. 

all of the character’s choices were overall good and made sense in the scheme of things, everything was streamlined bc it had to be.

it kinda felt like 2 movies crammed into 1 but it kinda worked and that makes sense bc of TLJ’s.... choices and changes in direction. 

i dont think this movie was a train wreck. it’d place it as my 3rd fav star wars movie. for now, i may shift things around but you get the idea.

my current rankings so far for main line live action sw movies 

(rogue one would be at 4 along with revenge of the sith and i didnt care enough to see solo.)

1. empire strikes back (obvious pick)

2. a new hope (luke is best boy)

3. rise of skywalker (as listed above)

4. revenge of the sith (clone wars show really got me to like older anakin. and obi is just. 10/10 in general. speaking of generals, i love grievous. and commander rex. rip all clones and jedi tho. F)

5/6. return of the jedi/force awakens (about even) 

[the thing about return of the jedi is that the ending whole section with the death star and vader and palpatine and the struggle against jabba were really good! it just a lot of other stuff is... meh in the film]

7. the last jedi (sorry had to do it to ya. also rip Phasma)

8/9. phantom menace/attack of the clones (ya’ll know why)

im so glad im rewatching the clone wars show it was so good and oughghghg so good. i love the clones so damn much and everyone so much

star wars good ya’ll

anyways, i already loved palpatine and im just wildin’ right now we love a emperor. a queen. a bad bitch you cant kill. just vibin. like damn, iconic. he said “do it” and everything. a meme legend and godsend

in sheev we trust. you belong with sheev. real sheev hours. the sheev-ening. palpatine-ception. you name it, we vibe with it

NOW I WANT A NICE AU WHERE THE CHARACTERS LIVE AND PALPATINE IS JUST A GRANDDAD. scary but nice granddad to rey or some shit. anakin is still around, they are all still around. just silly fun alright?

LMFAO ROTTEN TOMATOES PUTS IT AT A 56% BUT HAS AN AUDIENCE RATHING OF 86% WTF LMFAOOOO THESE PEOPLE ARE HACKS

the reverse of TLJ and i can see why the stupid irony lmFAO

the “thank you rian johnson” tag trending on twitter is wack and it’s dumb. his movie was dumb ya’ll. that’s my take and im not alone. im not some crazy hardcore fan either nor do i care that much about the politics or what ever. the characters in TLJ made REALLY dumb decisions that got their butts kicked and people killed over and over and it was not fun to watch everyone being dumb and dying, alright? wack. bad vibes. 

i didn’t care for the “thank you jj abrams” tag either bc both tags ended up just being one taking pot-shots at the other and it was full of nasty vibes. just a lot of negative bullshit and only a few good comments just saying what they liked about those movies. i appreciate when people just say they like something. even if it’s something i PERSONALLY dont like, it’s neat to see. but when people bitch and moan, even if i agree personally, it isnt that fun. it’s annoying as hell, esp if it’s mostly unfounded or just repeated a million times.

like months later, or also about something from years ago, people still havent shut up about it. that’s when i get pissed off. like, sure, hate something. say you hate it, whatever. your blog your platform, go off queen, but then shut up please and dont drag it out forever. people dont like negativity so expect people to leave your ass behind if you keep at it. or get blocked or whatever. 

negative shit all the time just aint a good look is all im saying. just love what you love and show it. it’s nice. the good part about fandoms is sharing love for media.

but hey, it’s your life. you do whatever, who am i to say anything?