#whyamidoingthisinsteadofwritingmymastersthesis?

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Eggy’s guide to Egyptian Pantheon.

ANUBIS: He’s a good boy, he Guards your tomb after your death. Also keeps balsamists from goofing up on the job.

BAST: She’s a happy Kitty who likes to party, she’s the goddess of the home, and, like a real cat, she keeps vermin away.

ATUM: The Big Daddy, who created other gods by jacking off. No, seriously.

SHU: Son of Atum, God of Air. Pretty boring.

TEFNUT: Shu’s wife, Goddess of Moisture. Yes, MOISTURE. Let that sink in, MOISTURE.

GEB: Son of Shu & Tefnut, God of Earth. He has a goose on his head. The Goose’s name is Steve (not really), and it has rabies (Propably).

NUT: She’s the Big Lady in the Sky, except she actually IS the sky, With Geb, her husband (And Steve the Rabid Goose), lying under her.

OSIRIS: You know him, you love him, It’s the Lord of the Dead! And Vegetation, that’s why he’s green. He got chopped into pieces by Seth, who scattered his body parts, then he was brought together again by Isis and Nephtys, got embalmed by Anubis, and avenged by Horus.

ISIS: AKA the best Mythological MILF, Change my Mind.

NEPHTYS: Isis’ equally sexy sister, she’s the goddess of... Death, I guess? And Magic, and, amusingly enough, Beer.

SETH: WTF Is his fursona anyway? A Tapir? A Donkey? An Anteater? The big bad of the Osyrian Myth, and the god of Desert and storms, and Desert Storms.

HORUS: Son of Osiris. Captain Falcon over here was a pretty big deal, he was the patron god of Pharaoh, and Egypt in General.

HATHOR: Horus’ wife, Daughter of Ra. Her fursona was that of a cow, but here she only wears horns. She also was a Party girl, and goddess of Love.

SONS OF HORUS: These rapscallions protected mummy’s extracted innards. And only poor Imsety doesn’t have a fursona.

RA: Ra-Ra-Rasputin lover of the... No, wait. Birb Boy here is Ra-Horachty, AKA: Horus LARPing as a Sun God. Ra in general was the Sun, and he had a pimpin boat in which he cruised the sky.

Khepri: God of the Rising Sun, His head is a scarab, because just like a dung beatle rolls a ball made out of shit, so does Khepri rolls the sun. Ewww...

AMUN: The big boss of Thebes. He became the main god during the Middle Kingdom. His name means “Hidden”. Good luck with hiding while wearing such a huge hat tho, idiot!

MUT: Amun’s lovely wife, with a dead vulture on her head.

KHONSU: Amun’s son, he’s the God of the Moon. He sometimes had a falcon fursona.

ATEN: This stupid frisbee with hands, is a result of King Akhenaten being a fucking hipster, and trying to create “A nEw mOnOtHeIsTiC rElIgIoN, Hurr Durr”. Good Riddance.

PTAH: Basically Osiris, but without a fancy Atef crown, this guy was the main god of city of Memphis (the one by the Nile, not Mississipi). He also was a patron god of artisans.

SAKHMET: Unlike Bast, this Kitty here is an Angry pussy (Watch your wording Eggy!). She is a goddess of War, after all, and somehow the Eye of Ra? I dunno, Egyptian Mythology is weird.

MIN: Basically Osiris, but with Amun’s hat, and a raging boner. Why he has a stiffy you may ask? It’s symbolic, cause he’s a god of Fertility, you pervert!

HAPI: The androgynous personification of River Nile. That’s why he/she’s Blue dabadee dabadai.

SOBEKH: The God of water, who decided to be original, and instead of being a furry, he became a scalie. XD

TOTH: Another Birb-boy, this time based on an Ibis, was the god of science (however oxymoronic it sounds), and was the one, who invented Hieroglyphs. Gee Mr. Toth, couldn’t you invent a more coherent system of writing? Because it’s really freaking difficult to read those little pictures, have you heard about an ALPHABET?

MA’AT: Goddess of truth and law. Her feather was not just a fancy hair accessory, but also acted as a counterwight for the deceased heart, during the judgement of Osiris.

TAWARET: The Hippo Goddess of childbirth. That’s why she THICC yo!

There were many MANY others, but these guys are the most important/interesting/well known. Hoped you liked it.