#winterhawk: can't fight this feeling

[dramatisperscnae]

@normaltothemax has to put up with some more of my bullshit where Clint and Bucky are concerned >w>

He has no idea what time it is. He's not even sure how or when he got here. Hell, he's barely aware of where here is, standing in Barton's living room. Maybe it's habit, or instinct; it certainly isn't any kind of conscious thought that led him here at this time of night.

Is it night?

Probably. He's only in a pair of boxers and a robe tossed on to keep the spring chill off. Sleeping gear. That means night.

Hell, Clint's probably asleep. Or out. Could be on a mission. Hopefully not; Bucky needs someone right now. Needs to not be alone. Needs help coming back to himself. But right now the living room is empty and-

No it's not. There's Barton. Looking shocked to see him, but Bucky doesn't even really register that. He's already leaning against the archer, his head against Clint's shoulder, one hand reaching up to rest almost tentatively on Clint's back as if he's afraid of being pushed away.

[flawedamythyst]

Okay okay my turn!!!! For mash ups give me *throws dart* accidentally married with *throws dart* curses!!!

Winterhawk obviously

Ahahaha, okay, so. Standard Avengers fanon of them all living in the Tower and fighting bad guys, along with some delicious Winterhawk mutual pining.

There's a fight with a wizard of some kind, and Clint is the one to finally foil his plans. Just before he's marched off to wizard jail, he stares Clint in the eyes and curses him.

"May you get what you most want in the world, and then lose it."

There's a little magic ripple, but nothing really seems to change and the wizard gets taken away.

And then Clint notices that he's now wearing a wedding ring, and Bucky pipes up because, "Guys, someone tampered with my arm, there's a gold circle on my finger that's never been there before."

Basically, Clint and Bucky are now married and everyone except the Avengers remembers them dating and the wedding and everything. They get back to the Tower and they now have a shared room and there are photos of them being coupley all over the place. They do an internet search and there’s a whole bunch of Youtube clips of them making out after Avenger battles and holding hands on the way into the Tower and some paparazzi shots of them lying on a blanket in the park with Bucky’s head in Clint’s lap and Clint stroking his hair.

Both of them have a lot of emotional pain about it all that they do their best to hide, because there’s actual footage of exactly what they want but will never truly have.

Clint doesn't really want to reveal the actual curse because 'what you want most in the world' is awkward when it's a marriage to a guy who is only a friend, so he just says that the wizard cursed him.

Which means that Bucky assumes that, to Clint, the idea of them being married is a curse. He gets sad and tries to hide it with being grumpy.

Clint sees Bucky being grumpy about being married to him and feels like shit, and immediately starts trying to work out how to get a divorce. It's agreed that for PR they can't just do it immediately, so they go through a charade of growing apart when they're in public, pretending in the Tower that they are totally fine with a divorce and each being quietly miserable when they're alone because 'he doesn't love me oh misery.'

And they get divorced and Clint gets very sad and goes to sulk in some rarely-used part of the Tower, and Natasha comes to find him. She thinks he’s just sad because now he has two divorces, but he ends up pouring the whole thing to her, along with the actual wording of the curse.

And the there’s a quiet gasp behind him, and he turns to see that Bucky has also come to find him and heard the whole thing.

“The thing you want most in the world?” asks Bucky in a wobbly voice. “That’s being married to me?”

There’s a beat where they just stare at each other and Natasha starts carefully backing out of the room.

“I’m sorry,” says Clint, thinking that this is part of the curse because now he’s not just going to lose being married to Bucky, he’s also going to lose him as a friend. “I never would have wanted you to get caught up in this. I swear though, we can just be friends, I’m not going to be weird.”

Bucky just rolls his eyes and strides in to take Clint’s hand. Clint is still wearing his wedding ring, and Bucky hasn’t got his hand updated to take out the gold plates on his finger, so he can tap them together. “I don’t want to be just friends with you. Being married while we were just friends hurt, because I wanted more. Clint, I want so much more.”

Clint does a bit of gobsmacked staring and then Bucky kisses him. They make out for a bit, and Natasha finalises her escape. 

They don’t end up getting married again for a year or so, but when they do, Clint sends a little thank you note to the wizard.

[clintbartonruinedmylife]

Winterhawk, please. Clint and Bucky meet in every life, but every time Bucky can't save Clint from death. But in this life, becoming an Avenger and remember all, he must save him. Happy end or not - as you wish)

79 A.D., Pompeji

Lucius was on a galley when it happened. He was close to home, he could already see Pompeji in the distance. He wanted to be back to celebrate the Vulcanalia together with Tiberius but they were delayed in Rome for a few days.

But Lucius was more than worried. They had seen the smoke over the Mount Vesuvius for a while now and even on the ship they could feel the vibrations coming from the volcano. It took him a few hours more and then he would see Tiberius again and this time he would come with him to Rome.

“Gods!” Someone screamed and Lucius saw the volcano explode.

“Speed up!” he commanded and the scullers moved faster but Lucius could only watch the lava swallow Pompeji. A few fishing boats could flee onto the sea but no one had seen Tiberius. He was gone again.

                                                           ***

July 1192, Jaffa

Henry sat on his horse. He wore his armor, had his weapons ready and waited for the attack signal. From his position he could see Albert in the distance together with the other crossbowmen.

They met last night outside of their camp in a hidden place so no one would see them.

“I have a bad feeling,” Albert had said after they had made love.

“I will be there,” Henry whispered. “I will help you if you need me.”

“I love you, Henry,” Albert said and kissed him.

The attack order came and they rode against Saladin’s men and in a few moments chaos was everywhere. Henry led his horse to the crossbowmen when he saw an arrow hit Albert and he fell. With a cry he slid down from his horse and hurried to his man.

“Sorry,” he murmured with blood on his lips.

“No, don’t leave me again,” Henry cried but Albert couldn’t hear him anymore. Once again he had lost him.

                                                           ***

March 1794, Paris

“No!” Jacques yelled. “Let go of him!”

“Step back, fellow,” the soldier snarled. Several weapons were pointed at him and he slowly raised his hands. Two soldiers held Philippe’s arms, his hands were tied behind his back. Someone had shoved a dirty rag as a gag between his lips.

“He’s… he’s innocent,” Jacques said and locked his eyes with Philippe, who slightly shook his head.

“Witnesses said he planned to assassinate Robespierre,” one of the soldiers snapped. “And he’s also known to be a really good marksman.”

“He couldn’t…” Jacques started but Philippe shook his head more vehemently. “Please, have mercy,” he just pleaded instead of telling them that Philippe was with him the night before.

“But…”

“Step back now or you will accompany him on the guillotine,” the soldier said and shoved Jacques out of the way. He tried to follow them but one of them backhanded him and he fell. The last thing he saw was Philippe looking at him.

“No!” Jacques breathed. And once again he had failed him.

                                                            ***

August 2017, London

It took Bucky almost hundred years to find him this time. Something went wrong and this time his beloved was born more than sixty years later. Usually the knowledge hit him as soon as he was of age and he found the man he loved within a few months but this time it didn’t happen. Only when Steve freed him from Hydra and his part of the Avengers went rogue with him he met Clint and he knew he was HIM. And as usual they fell for each other within moments after meeting. And always as usual his beloved couldn’t remember him.

But this time Bucky hoped that it would end differently since it started differently.

“Okay,” Steve said and looked around. “Hawkeye, I need you up high, Ant-man, you stay with me, Bucky…”

“I know what I have to do,” Bucky growled and Steve glared at him. Clint nodded at him and Sam flew him to the roof he had pointed at. But they didn’t have the time to plan their next moves because the Kree squadron started their attack and they had to concentrate.

Bucky fought like a berserk but when he realized that a few Kree were on the same roof as Clint he ran to the fire ladder and climbed up.

“Not again,” he murmured. “Not again, not again, not again.”

He just arrived on the roof when one of the Kree pointed with his weird weapon at Clint and Bucky reacted on instinct. He jumped in the trajectory of the projectile. And then there was excruciating pain. He screamed.

“Bucky!” he could hear Clint and he fought not to lose consciousness. A dead Kree landed beside him and then someone touched his face. “Bucky, no! Bucky, come on, don’t do that to me!”

The pain subsided and he could feel Clint’s fingers on his cheek.

“Bucky, please… you have to fight…”

But Bucky smiled and he reached out for Clint, touched his face and felt the blood run out of his body. “Don’t leave me!”

“Finally.”

[dramatisperscnae]

⭐️ (Clint & Bucky)

[Send a star, get a headcanon || accepting]

Bucky occasionally - almost exclusively when he's nonverbal but still trying to be at least mostly human, or if Clint's had a really bad day - signs Clint's name as just the ASL letter 'C' held over his heart. He never uses it unless they're alone, in the privacy of his apartment or Clint's; it's only for them.

[dramatisperscnae]

if you keep doing that, i can't promise i'll behave. (Clint @ Bucky)

[Touch-Starved Prompts || accepting]

Sharing this...whatever it is they have going between them is still fairly new for Bucky, mostly in regards to waking up with someone else in the bed occasionally. The first couple of times it had actually taken him a few seconds to register who it was snoring beside him, but he's learned to recognize Clint's scent by now.

It's not technically morning yet, the grey light of dawn only barely starting to brighten the windows, but Bucky's awake anyway and there is no going back to sleep at this point, not even with Clint sprawled half on top of him like a moron. Birdbrain has absolutely no concept of personal space when he's asleep.

Bucky doesn't mind as much as he insists he does. The warmth and weight are both nice.

He shifts just enough to pull Clint's back to his chest, settling on his side with one arm around the archer's waist. Metal fingers stroke idly over soft skin, Bucky just enjoying the fact that he can feel with his prosthetic. He cuddles a little closer, nuzzling up against Clint's neck.

"If you keep doing that, I can't promise I'll behave."

The half-mumbled words have the soldier pausing for a second before he just pulls Clint tighter to him, brushing a kiss over the back of Clint's neck before murmuring, "when do you ever...?"

[dramatisperscnae]

👀 (you too, Bucky, make Clint puff up like a peacock)

[Let the boys boost egos || accepting]

"…The way he moves when he's not nursing an injury; there's a fluidity to it that almost no one else seems to notice, almost like a cat. His eyes; they're deeper than most people think. Warmer, too. Especially when he smiles and means it. And I guess his hands; the way he uses them, the way they move when he's tinkering with his gear or spinning an arrow in his fingers or…or when he's reaching to touch my arm, I dunno…it's just nice…"

[dramatisperscnae]

[ TUG ]:     sender, sensing the receiver nearby behind them, tugs them by the hand until they’re lying behind them as the big spoon. (Clint & Bucky)

[Things Done While Spooning || accepting]

Bucky never leaves his back exposed. Not if he can help it. Not unless he knows, with 100% certainty, that he is safe and secure. On a good day, that's his apartment. On a bad day…well, let's just say those are the nights he sleeps wedged between his bed and the wall. Tonight? Tonight falls somewhere between the two, considering he's just jolted awake for no reason in particular only to go absolutely still when he registers another presence in the room.

No, not just in the room. In his bed.

Ice slides down his spine, Bucky about three seconds from instinctive violence before reality manages to sink in. That's Clint. That's Clint. Clint stayed over tonight, and given they're long past worrying about modesty at this point - and the fact Clint is too damn tall to fit on Bucky's couch…

For a few moments Bucky just lies there, staring at the wall, letting his heart rate calm down. Then he hesitates. That space between his shoulderblades is twitchy now, as if he can feel a sniper scope focused there. Stupid. There's nothing to worry about, no reason to get jumpy now, Clint is right there, even if he is asleep. Sure, without his aids in Clint could sleep through a damned earthquake, but he's still right there.

Slowly Bucky reaches back, his hand finding Barton's. He doesn't want to actually risk waking the man up, but at the same time a part of him needs this. And there's nothing wrong with it, right? Hell, they've slept together for fuck's sake, this is absolutely tame by comparison. So why, then, is he so damned hesitant? Like he's going to get caught?

For fuck's sake, Barnes, pull yourself together.

Carefully, moving slowly, Bucky tugs the archer closer, settling Clint's arm around his waist and shifting to press his back against Clint's chest. That solves the twitchy chill between his shoulders. Clint's right there, he's not alone, everything's fine. Right? Right.

[dramatisperscnae]

“Against The Wall” + reverse (Bucky @ Clint (hell yeah manhandle him Buck))

[Kiss the boys || accepting]

They're arguing. Again. It feels sometimes like that's all they do. One of them will say something, or do something, and the other one will mouth off, and then they're at each other's throats again until one or the other of them ends up stalking off and leaving the other one feeling like absolute shit. Hell, the one stalking off probably feels like shit, too.

It's a neverending cycle, one Bucky has been trying to learn how to break, but so far it hasn't worked. They always end up right back where they started, him and Clint, and he's tired of it. Okay, so he has a hard time opening up, but for fuck's sake he's been trying, hasn't he? He spent the better part of a goddamned century blocked from registering emotion at all, programmed and controlled like a fucking machine more than a man, and learning how to be human again isn't easy. Having Clint riding his case all the time doesn't make it any easier.

Having Clint apparently fail, repeatedly, to get the memo that Bucky actually gives half a damn makes it even worse.

So this time around, Bucky's decided, he's not going to stalk off. He's not going to back down. He's going to make Clint actually understand, even if he has no idea how the hell he's going to do that. And then something Clint says just sets him off, and he's moving. But not away. Toward.

His hands fasten on Clint's collar, slamming the archer into the wall, and honestly not even Bucky knew he'd intended on kissing the man until it's happening. Hard and fiery and intense, like he has something to prove.

Hell, maybe he does.

He doesn't let up until Clint's stopped fighting, and even then Bucky only pulls back enough to glare up at him. "Stop. Saying that shit. What's it gonna take to get through your thick skull, Barton? What more do I have to do? You think no one gives a damn about you, wrong. I do."

[dramatisperscnae]

[ pat ] sender playfully pats receiver's butt (Clint @ Bucky)

[Playful Affection prompts || accepting]

"...Do you do that to every plumber that comes to your apartment?"

Bucky would look around, except that he's currently stuck under Barton's sink working on getting a leak fixed. Well. That's what he was originally fixing; it's turned into removing a blockage that will then become fixing a leak because apparently no one's ever told Clint not to pour used cooking oil down the damn drain.

[dramatisperscnae]

Send ✔️ for a daydream my muse has had about/involving yours. (Bucky & Clint hehehe)

[Relationship Building || accepting]

It'll never happen. He knows it'll never happen. Clint made it very clear during that extremely ill-fated mission, and Bucky's never pressed him about it since.

But that doesn't stop him occasionally imagining it. Dragging Barton onto the dance floor as a band strikes up. A real band, the kind he can just remember from the old days. Maybe they're playing something bright and peppy, something to swing to, or maybe it's slower and more traditional for classic ballroom steps; Bucky can work with both.

Whirling Clint around the dance floor, leading him through each step and turn; it would be almost effortless. No one even on the floor but them, no worrying about missions or enemies or anyone else watching...just them. Just the music. Just the dance.

He misses dancing. How long has it even been since he's gone dancing? Properly dancing, for the sheer enjoyment of it? Far too long, probably. And Clint doesn't dance, so it's off the table anyway.

But there's always his imagination, right?

[dramatisperscnae]

“…” (Clint @ Bucky)

[Accidental walking in || accepting]

He'd knocked. He'd made sure to knock, if only to alert Lucky; after all, if Clint has his aids out, he won't hear it even if Bucky kicked the door down. But the point is, he had knocked. It is not his fault that the door is unlocked. And it really shouldn't be this awkward, should it, walking in on Barton half-naked? They've slept together, for fuck's sake, this is nothing Bucky hasn't seen before.

But that was before they'd become…whatever the hell they are now, which Bucky still isn't sure about but isn't about to admit it. Anyway, that's not important right now, is it? What is important is maybe not getting caught openly admiring the lean muscle currently on display. He clears his throat, on the off-chance Clint can actually hear him, and leans against the door frame with his hands in his pockets, pointedly looking at a wall. "…Thought you'd be ready by now."

[dramatisperscnae]

🍆 (Clint @ Bucky while he's on a mission. payback's a bitch, Barnes)

[Send the boys nudes || accepting]

[text: Birdbrain] Missing me already? [text: Birdbrain] I'll be home in three days.

The mission was supposed to take a week. Bucky's just moved the time-table up.

[dramatisperscnae]

📷 Clint @ Bucky

[What's the go-to photo for your muse? || accepting]

"He got sulky because I wouldn't let him break doctor's orders and sneak out of the hospital. Again."

[dramatisperscnae]

“How long have you been sitting here?” (Clint @ Bucky)

[Dissociation starters || accepting]

It takes a few seconds for his ears to register the fact that he's being spoken to. The words seem to come from far away, or above water. He can't really make out what they're saying, just that they're being said; that takes a few more seconds.

How long have you been sitting here?

Sitting where? Where is he? He doesn't remember coming up here. A rooftop? Looks like it. And he's sitting on the little wall running around the edge. Not doing anything, just. Sitting. He looks down. His feet are inside the wall. Okay. That's…good, right?

He's been asked a question.

Slowly he looks up at the man speaking. Tall. Rangy. Blond. Concerned. Worried? Worried. Knows him. Waiting on an answer. Answer the question. Speak when directly addressed. "Dunno…don't remember…"

[dramatisperscnae]

🥵 (Clint @ Bucky)

[Think they're hot? Send the thing || accepting]

"...Good to know." He's still working on body neutrality, but the thought's appreciated, Clint.

[dramatisperscnae]

🎼 + Clint & Bucky

[Send for A Short Soundtrack || accepting]

1: Lifehouse - Hanging By A Moment 2: REO Speedwagon - Can't Fight This Feeling 3: Victoria Carbol - Be My Heart 4: Nickelback - Lullaby