#wish I were better at it but the Puppets' Bunker proved too much

[mor-and-more]

I have nobody to talk with about that so ayyy tungle time

I went in to alliance raid roulette as per usual, not expecting much out of the norm (the norm being Crystal Tower, of course)

But nope, I got Puppets' Bunker

Which I just unlocked and haven't been to

So I was completely unprepared and lost and died so many times

I started getting more and more overwhelmed by the second of it, and then when I started getting lag and DCd on the last boss? It just broke me

I'm glad people in the alliance were so supportive and reassured me all is good after my many apologies

But I felt so guilty the whole time

And then I sent friend requests to the people in the alliance, but now I'm feeling like who'd want to talk to the critter who made such a fool of itself, repeatedly, confessed of getting Hella overwhelmed, and then "hey uh wanna be friends?"

One person (omg even 2 now) already accepted it though but I'm not sure why and I'm definitely not feeling able to reach out to them because of pure SHAME

[mittensmorgul]

I'm still having a hard time understanding your definition of "canon relationship". Endgame material? Essentially happy? Featured in many episodes? I think most people simply consider "canon" = "it happened in the show/book/film". And Sam and Eileen have canonically had feeling for each other, on screen. What those feelings were and how much they may have been manipulated by Chuck, neither seems sure, but it doesn't make them any less of a thing that noticeably happened. Therefore canon.

When you need a semantic debate to somehow validate your favored ship, and you feel the need to debate semantics with a stranger on the internet in order to “win” and be proven “correct” in some way, we’ve all lost, friendo.

You’re absolutely right, with your definition of “canon.” It’s what has actually happened, in the case of Supernatural, on screen in the show itself. That’s not up for debate. You’re trying to introduce a strawman into this conversation.

I’m attempting to define, from a watsonian perspective, which means from WITHIN THE NARRATIVE, how the CHARACTERS THEMSELVES would describe their relationship. You’re giving me the doylist perspective, from outside the narrative, the fact that Sam and Eileen have a relationship of any kind-- romantic or otherwise-- in canon.

You’re attempting to conflate the two things, for the sake of winning an argument on the internet.

By your definition, Dean and Cas are canon, too. Which, I mean... they are, but that’s not the debate here, and it adds nothing to the fact that Eileen herself, in canon, has stated that she doesn’t feel her relationship with Sam is even real.

Yes, it happened in canon, but that’s not the whole story, either.

I mean, let’s use a completely non-shippy example here, to hopefully illustrate why “but they’re canon! it happened in canon!” is... an entirely irrelevant point in context. Let’s look at a canonical friendship to illustrate the point.

Canonically, Garth has tried to kill Sam. That happened, in canon. Garth wolfed out and attacked Sam. Sounds awful, right? Should we lose all sympathy for Garth? Should we believe that he did that of his own free will, and is an “evil” character now, because that very much did happen in canon? Or are we supposed to use our brains and understand that Garth literally did not have a choice, because he was acting under a form of mind control, being puppeted by Michael into attacking Sam? Are we supposed to have a better understanding of what actually happened in context, and correctly see this as “Michael tried to use a trusted character to harm Sam, playing on their preexisting friendship/relationship in order to lure Sam in to his trap, and using Sam’s trust and friendship with that character to harm him?”

Mary has canonically tried to kill Sam and Dean (in 12.03). Are we to assume that she obviously hates them and wanted them dead? Because canonically her actions would say we should! She tried to hurt them! Oh, but... she was possessed by a ghost, and wasn’t in control of her own actions... maybe we actually need to think about what that means... maybe Mary herself doesn’t actually want to kill her own sons...

Or if you’re a Mary hater and are willing to think the worst of her, how about the canonical fact that Dean has tried to kill Sam. That Dean has canonically told Sam that he wished he were dead? There you have it, Dean canonically has said “your life sucked the life out of my life” to him. Dean canonically rejected any sort of care for Sam. Are we supposed to take that at face value, just because it happened in canon? Or are we supposed to understand that Dean was a demon, and Honestly. >.>

Cas canonically kissed Meg that one time. Obviously they’re canon, right? What, they’re not? Oh, right, Dean even lampshaded the fact with the “give you an hour with Meg first” comment, to which Cas replied “Why would I want that?” Does a kiss make a couple “canon?” What does that even mean? “going canon” is a practically useless term in cases like that. The goalposts for what any one person would consider qualifies a romantic couple as “canon” are eternally shifting all over the field.

Let’s be better than that, and instead understand that we’re all talking about our individual interpretations of the same canon. We’re just seeing different things, because we are different people with different experiences and understandings of the characters and the overarching narrative.

I have repeatedly explained my understanding of Sam and Eileen’s relationship as canon itself has defined it. I have explained that my understanding of the relationship they had, offscreen and undefined by canon, between 11.11 and 12.17 has shifted dramatically since Eileen’s return in 15.06. I had, before this season, been willing to HEADCANON that Sam and Eileen could’ve had an established offscreen relationship based on the nature of their relationship we saw onscreen in 12.17. It was cute! It was exciting thinking that Sam had grown so close to someone!

It was... proven in s15 that the offscreen relationship we’d all headcanoned in s12 was... nothing more than a happy headcanon, and had not actually happened! THAT is what I mean when I have talked about what is ~not~ canon about their relationship. Let’s be very clear about that, because 

(gif source)

So, the debate over what is canon or what is not canon, to me personally, is an entirely useless conversation. Dean canonically hates chick flick movies. Also, he canonically loves chick flick movies. Sam canonically does not like bacon (15.06), and yet he canonically made a huge pile of bacon with Eileen in 15.07, but then was back to eating salad by the next episode. You can point at a lot of things that are “canon” to try and prove your point. To whatever end, or for whatever motive you may have in attempting to do so. That’s called “cherry picking.” (pay special attention to the section on Confirmation Bias) You have to be aware of what exactly canon is showing us as a whole, though, for it to have any actual meaning. 

At this point, after 15.09, Eileen has canonically chosen not to pursue a relationship with Sam, after she was canonically manipulated by an outside force into attempting to pursue a relationship with Sam.

She could, in canon, return to pursue a relationship with Sam! I am not here to speculate on that! It could happen! But it would be based in their canonical history, that is almost entirely muddied by Chuck’s interference in their relationship to this point. That is literal, actual canon!

But they had a cute relationship in 12.17! Chuck didn’t make them do that!

I have not denied that! That is obvious! But I’m not going to ignore everything that happened in s15 that has been (in canon! again!) defined as “not real.” As “not their own choice.” And I’m not going to suggest we just handwave the canonical fact that Eileen feels used, feels violated, by how Chuck attempted to manipulate her into seducing Sam, despite their canonical past interactions.

I mean, Sam carried out a two season canonical romance arc with Ruby. Their relationship is canon. He canonically had feelings for her, trusted her, fully engaged in the relationship with her. That’s not up for debate, but the in-canon CONTEXT of their relationship was a lie, you know? She lied to him for two years, with a specific goal in doing so. She manipulated him into all of that to free Lucifer from the cage. The fact that their relationship is canon is entirely irrelevant to any ANALYSIS of said relationship, and understanding it in context, and what it means for the characters.

So when you apply the context to Sam and Eileen’s relationship as it stands in s15, the fact it ~exists~ isn’t up for debate. The fact that they canonically interacted in a flirtatious fashion on screen, the fact they did anything together on screen isn’t up for debate. The reason WHY Eileen engaged in any of this, though, is also not up for debate. Chuck made it all happen, from the moment her ghost appeared in the bunker to the moment she told Sam she needed to leave, all of that is under a pall of Chuck’s influence. That... is also canon.

So anon, what do YOU mean when you say “they’re canon.” Do you mean they have established a mutually consensual romantic relationship? (because if so, then they are NOT canon) Do you mean “they have interacted in a way that can be interpreted as insinuating there is romantic interest between them?” Because I could give you that one. They definitely have potential in the future. Do you mean “They kissed on screen!” Because heck, what does that even mean?

Sam’s canonically kissed a lot of people! Jessica Moore! Lori Sorenson! Sarah Blake! Jo (well, he was possessed by Meg at the time, so does this one count? Their mouths touched...)! Madison the werewolf! Ruby! Amelia Richardson! Dr. Roberts! Amy Pond! Becky (though he was under a love spell for that one, so does that count? from how skeeved the entire fandom has always been by that one... even if Becky thought they had real feelings for each other “deep down,” does anyone think Sam actually consented to any of that?)! Annie Hawkins (self-reported by Sam, and we take his word for it)! That woman who propositioned his body while he’d been body swapped with Gary, so does that even count because only Sam’s body was used there? or did they even actually do anything beyond tying Sam’s body occupied by Gary to a bed and getting out the flail...)! And if we’re going meta, then Genevieve Padalecki in the French Mistake!universe! That hippie chick soulless sam had sex with when Dean was abducted by “aliens” that one time! and speaking of soulless sam, the hooker he was with in 6.03, and the apparent string of women he was with that we only learned about tangentially via 6.13!

Does that mean Sam has a canonical relationship with all of these women? YES. But... like... you can’t look at this list (which is probably not even complete) and suggest that all of these relationships are of equal canonical import, or that they are equivalent in emotional weight for Sam as a character. That’s... idiotic, frankly.

So, to me, the discussion of “what is canon” is like... irrelevant to anything I’m actually here for. The actual understanding of what the canonical relationship MEANS and how it informs character is what is actually important to me.

So please stop trying to undercut an actual discussion of canon with a semantics strawman. Thanks.

[okimargarvez]

HURT- open wounds 20

Original title: Hurt.

Prompt: Luke’s dark thought, destiny, contrasted love.

Warnings: sexual content, dark thoughts.

Genre: angst, drama, romantic, smut, dark, mistery, frienship.

Characters: Penelope Garcia, Luke Alvez, BAU team, O.C.

Pairing: Garvez.

Note: multichapter.

Legend: 💏😘😈🔦🐶❗🎈👻.

Song mentioned: La tua vita intera, Tiziano Ferro.

Hurt- Masterlist

GARVEZ STORIES

Chapter 20

They spend the whole evening embracing, unable to break away from each other.

The few words that are exchanged appear superfluous.

-I was so scared that someone could...- before he could stopped her there were the tears that break the voice. -We protect others, but who protects us?- motions of anger were cyclically followed by delayed panic attacks. The man, on the other hand, had practically remained silent all the time, because the thoughts couldn’t come out. He, too, had felt his own terror, of losing her for a reason like that. Stupid. Just because a woman had decided to inherit her husband's money. And five innocent people had been killed, including Walker's best friend. Anyone could have been killed, the victims were all random, but they worked in the FBI. Like them.

-I have more right than you to be worried.- she had said a few hours before, during a hysterical call. -You are around, a potential victim, while I'm always locked up in this bunker. You go around with a sign on your back that says "Please, insert the needle here.".- and she had burst into tears. But this time he couldn’t reach her to console her. That woman had to be stopped.

-Penelope, nothing will happen to me ... I promise you.- but his sentence had obtained the opposite effect than hoped.

-No, don’t say, don’t say these bullshit.- the word vulgar was sounded very strange out of those lips. -You can’t know how it will go, you can’t know anything! And if I had to lose you... I would never forgive you! Did you understand, Alvez?- he had nodded, but she couldn’t see him.

-We see you at home tonight.- he had merely said, before hang up. A promise, a wish, a hope.

When he had opened the door, she had rejected him in a moment of pride and nervousness, but then she had fallen into the arms of the dark man, without pouring (yet) even a tear, just shaking her head.

And now the tears had run out, the rage consumed, the fear had waned. But she still could not tolerate the idea of having to get away from him. Even before all this mess happened, when they still didn’t know the seriousness of the matter, she hadn’t been able to stay away from him. Who knows if the others had noticed that her computer was on the desk of Luke and that she was less than a meter away, when in theory she had to "hate" or otherwise keep him away. And even during the various meetings they were (almost) always close.

-Hun, are you tired?- now the blonde raises her head from the male chest trying to cross his gaze. She has no answer to give him. Tired is a reductive adjective. Exhausted. Emptied, that thing she never wanted to be in her life. Wouldn’t she have been worried about every member of her team anyway? Sure. But Luke was something different. In the end she decides to shake her head. She doesn’t want to go to sleep. She rather wants to stay with him until her strength will vanish, until she loses consciousness. She doesn’t want to consciously be separate from him. Why all the other times she seemed less anxious? Maybe she just pretended, she made fun of herself.

Too many thoughts whirl in Luke's head. Those ghosts who had abandoned him have returned to visit him at the sight of Stephen's friend's son. It was going better to Phil, but really? Only from the physical point of view, because mentally it was as if he were dead. And he was dead too, until he met Penelope, she, his blond angel, his Scandinavian goddess, who had made him "resuscitate." She had brought him back to life, she had given him the desire to live again. He loved her, with every part of himself; he hadn’t chosen to fall in love with her, but he would never renegade it. It had been beautiful and frightening at the same time, to see on her face the pure terror (the same that he felt) for the risk that he had ran.

After discovering that those who had messed up with Reid were a womans, Emily had advised everyone to take the evening to rest their mind. And they had chosen a creative way to perform the task given by the boss. A fantasy that they both had for a long time. They had to wait long, until everyone had really gone home, including Prentiss and Rossi. And then they had done it. An authentic madness. But this was possible because his girlfriend was a hacker and had turned off all the cameras, as well as temporarily blocked them both inside the BAU floor, so that no one, even if he wanted to, would be able to get in. All for a "quickie" on Luke's desk. Before it was deserted, devoid of any personal sign and now brought a bit 'of books, but above all two puppets, one in the form of "mini Roxy", both naturally gifts of beautiful computer technician.

-What do you think?- she caresses his neck and part of his chest. His hands are instead around her shoulders. He feels her breath on the skin, warm and comforting. How did he live on this earth before he met her?

-Many things. Too many things.- he bends over to kiss her hair. -How lucky I am. To be here, to be with you, to have Roxy, to do a job like that with people wonderful. Although dangerous, it causes you anxieties and worries...- their eyes cross each other. -But don’t believe that I am less anguished than you. After all, the time you risked your life you were not even "on a mission", am I wrong?- Penelope lowers her head with a guilty attitude. -Hey, I'm not saying you've been looking for it!- he hurries to add. -I only want to advance the claim to be worried too, you don’t have the exclusivity. Clear?- she nods and leans out just enough to put her lips on his. -I didn’t tell you quite often, I don’t even know why... maybe I don’t want it to become a sort of habit, but anyway... I love you, and I hope I can prove it day by day.-

-Luke!- the tone sounds like a rebuke. -Of course, you do. It's me that I still have some... resistance. I think I'm afraid... if I'd let myself go, I'd lose you. And I would suffer again. And I don’t know if I could survive. I know it's stupid, that doesn’t make sense... but it's what I feel.- he lifts her chin and for the first time after what seems to be centuries, their bodies are slightly distanced.

-Honey, I'm sure one day you'll be able to tell me the same. And anyway, there are so many ways to do it, without opening your mouth. For example, trying to wait for me awake or tase me on the phone with all your fears. Every time you invent a new one to surprise me- a significant pause -you don’t need to tell me, Penelope. I read love very well in your eyes.- a man like that, she risked letting go of a man like that. Sweet, sexy, beautiful, intelligent... perfect, but she never liked perfection. In fact, he also has his faults.

-We can live in this instant forever?- a naive and overused question. He laughs.

-What does it assure you that the future can’t be even better?- his look is already mischievous. But it's not the time for that.

-Yes, but... can we stay a little 'hugged for a while, however?- there are women who ask for diamonds, the moon, a house by the sea... and then there is his, who is content to have him next. But it is not a little thing, it is a great claim: in her sentence is in fact hidden the precise imposition to back home every evening, after a case. Back home alive and well or that pretty butt could be spanked.

-What you think if we would change location? I start to feel a little too much in symbiosis with the couch.- they giggle together, then he leads her into the bedroom, where Roxy awaits.

-Luke...- the blonde breaks the silence, after both are under the covers. -You never thought of expanding the family ?- what should he imagine about such a question? What is she talking about? Not about that... it's not possible. But why the thought just makes him print a stupid smile in his face? Fortunately, the light is off, and the moon is obscured by clouds that herald a storm, so she can’t see his idiotic expression. The woman's fingers intertwine with his. The hunter catches prey. -Cathie’s cat, one of the participants in the therapy group... do you remember?- she catches the slight movement of the head -...well, her cat has made puppies and there is only one left. He has a crooked tail and for this reason nobody is taking him. So I thought... nothing, leave it alone.- Luke feels every nuance, every emotion in the tone of Penelope. And the last feeling is... sadness. What partly he feels too, when he realizes that in the end she wasn’t referring to what he believed. Maybe it's better this way. Even if…

-Hey, hey, honey, why don't talking about it? I like the prospect of having another reason to come back here.- he smiles, but again, she can’t see him. But perhaps she feels his aura. -And to you, too, girl?- he gives Roxy a pat, who is complaining that she was disturbed in the middle of a beautiful dream. -What name did you give him?- Penelope can’t hold back a surprised exclamation.

-How do you know I've already given him a name?- Luke laughs.

-Even if you don’t like it, I know you all too well, Miss Garcia.- he teases her and then kiss her, pressing her head on the pillow. -So, the name?- she gasps and took a while to recover.

-Twisty. I know it's not very creative, but since it has a crooked tail...- the man nods. The choice has been approved.

-When are we going to get him?-

 The kitten turns out to be big enough to take up the cage that they brought with them. He has a short fur, completely black, of a spectacular shine. The tail bends in the opposite direction, right on the tip, yet what might look like a flaw makes it simply particular, weird in a good way, just like his future wife. As soon as she sees him, Penelope's eyes grow larger and more intense. It is that maternal gaze that causes him strange thoughts, meditations that he has never done in more than forty years of life, and now... he too is not able to remain immune from the charm of the newcomer. Especially when the cat starts purring as soon as he is picked up. There will certainly be scratches and bites, pee where he doesn’t have to... but now he doesn’t want to think about it.

He doesn’t admit it, but he is very worried about the big meeting. His fears prove to be unfounded. Roxy greets the unexpected guest with suspicion but doubts last for a while. In short, even the real diva of the house gives her approval, especially when she understands that he will not eat her food and will not steal the affection of her masters.

-He reminds me very much Sergio, Emily's cat.- sighs the woman, the arms of his man around her hips, while together they contemplate the two little monsters that sleep together on the bed, occupying it almost entirely. -There are still a lot of things that I have to tell you, Alvez.- she turns her head in his direction.

He nods. He loves to listen to her, to hear her tell pieces of life that don’t concern him. But not now, not right now. -Sooner or later. Sooner or later.- he whispers, making her shiver. He cradles her, they sway together. -There's no hurry.- and they both want to believe it, to have their whole life in front of them, whatever that expression means.

__________________________

TAG LIST: @shyladystudentfan  @norge-the-great @avengerquake123 @reidskitty13 @eclipseflower123 @lovebennycolon @pegasus-scifichick @theshamelessmanatee  @beana83 @ilovegarvez @martinab26 @hideourscars @ gracieeelizabeth27 @iliketomakecreampie @hepensadocosaspeores @arses21434 @sillygirlspy @mymidnightnightmare @teyamarra @mydreampenelope @lilises-blog @cosmicmelaninflower @thinitta @extremeobsessions101 @agentbishop @hellodawnwrightfan @kiki-krakatoa @amieatingevidence @ leftlamphumanfestival @ella1239me @flufflehufflepuffle I tagged just who liked at least a chapter of this story. Tell me if you want to be removed from the tag list ^^