#woke up from another passing out episode to be ravenous and had to make myself some eggs and rice

[beast-of-the-void]

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[crescentsteel]

Just Friends - Part 9

plot: fubu set up with Kuroo , model fem reader warnings: slow burn, fluff, smut word count: 7.3k

Read at AO3 [A/N at the end]

Part 8 | Part 10 | m.list

You haven’t even gotten up yet, but you already know that you have the worst hangover in your entire lifetime. You have this intense urge to throw up even though your stomach felt empty. Your head felt like it was being hammered on to your soft pillow. Your throat was dry. Your thighs hurt like hell. 

How you wished you could go back to sleep, but even with your eyes closed, everything was still painful. 

You had no choice but to get up and fix yourself since lying down wasn’t doing you any good. When you propped yourself up, regret hits you as the pulsating in your head worsens.  

Why did you even drink in the first place?

You did your best to recall what happened last night despite the intense headache

You were going to confess to Kuroo. He was suddenly dragged away. Vodka. Brown hair Taku. No, it was Yaku. 

Then darkness.

That was it. That was the last thing you could remember.

You raise your hands to your temples to gently knead them, hoping to alleviate even a little bit of the pain. How could that be the end of your memory? 

You always thought black outs were a myth. Maybe because you’ve never experienced them until this morning.

In the past, you’ve had nights where you drank a lot more and stayed up until morning, but never had an episode like this. That was before you completely stopped drinking. 

Last night, you got yourself smashed because Kuroo was taken away by some of his old friends. It was his birthday! Of course he couldn’t just stay by your side. 

You hate yourself more than ever for letting your emotions take control of your better decision-making. 

You cover your face with your hands and groan audibly loud at your own idiocy.

Instead of soothing yourself, you only made the headache worse. 

You remove your blanket and see that you’re wearing different clothes from last night. You were still able to change your clothes before you went to bed? That’s weird. When you’re drunk and spent, you don’t bother changing at all. 

How did you even get home in the first place?

You think even harder, but you remember nothing. You couldn’t imagine how you went home all by yourself safe and sound. It must be Kenma. Worst case scenario is it was Yaku. You really don’t like strangers in your place, but if it was him, at least he got you home safe. 

“Good morning.” You look up to the source of the all too familiar voice. 

He emerged from your kitchen with coffee in his hand. He was wearing his pants from last night and a white shirt. He looked like he didn’t get enough sleep but somehow, still lively. 

What’s he doing in your apartment?

For Christ’s sake, can the questions in your mind be answered first before another one pops up? Your head feels like it’s being split in half already.

“Morning.” You said with a raspy voice that you weren’t expecting. Were you screaming at something last night? What could possibly be the reason if you were? Even if you were drunk, you weren’t the type to go all hyper and shout until your throat suffered. 

“You okay?”

“No,” you replied with a barely audible voice. 

When you tried to stand, you realized that you underestimated the ache in your thighs. It was like you exercised your lower body from how your butt cheeks hurt as well. 

What the hell did you do last night?

“Ugh. I feel sick,” you murmured.

He went back to your kitchen. Instead of the mug he was previously holding, he was carrying a glass of water in his hand as he walked towards you. 

He sat beside you and handed you a pain killer. You took it together with the drink he had. 

On a regular day, you’d be cautious as to why he’s there so early in your apartment, but right now, you’re thankful. Even if it was just a few steps he saved you from, him being there allowed you to not move at all.

You gave him back the glass after gulping it until the last drop. The liquid soothed the uncomfortable dryness of your throat.

“Why did you get so plastered last night? You were a fucking handful, did you know that?”

His words were reprimanding, but his eyes and smile spoke of an entirely different emotion. He looked excited about something. It made you a bit nervous because you really might have done something outrageous based on how cheery he looked.

You’d ask him later. Right now, you wouldn’t be able to deal with him making fun of you.  

“No reason. I didn’t really know anyone from last night, so I thought I’d entertain myself. Turns out I couldn’t hold my alcohol as well as I did before.”

You were impressed with yourself with how quickly you were able to make up a lie despite your condition.

“Sorry about that. I shouldn’t have left you alone.”

You scoffed. Öh please. I’m not a child to be attended to. Also, it was your birthday, so don’t sweat it. It wasn’t a big deal. I hope you didn’t have to leave early because of me though.”

 Your mind was starting to wake up even though the headache is still there. He couldn’t have broken in here. You must’ve let him enter your place. That means it was him who took you home last night. 

“You don’t remember?”

The gloom in his voice made you look at him. His eyebrows knitted together as he stared closely at you, anticipating the next words you were going to say. 

“I’m trying to, but the last thing I can remember is Yaku.”

“Nothing after that?”

You look straight ahead at the wall in front of you, trying again to get even a tiny fragment of recollection you might remember after Yaku. Certain images in an order you’re not sure are correct, flickered in your head. 

Throwing up in your sink with him behind you. His car. Huddling up to Yaku. 

“Oh my God.” You look back at him again.

“What?” His anticipation heightened from your reaction. 

“I made Yaku a human pillow!” You groaned. “Please tell him I’m so sorry. Oh God, he must’ve felt so awkward.”

“I’m sure he enjoyed it. What else do you remember?” his tone getting impatient.

“Nothing. Why? Did I do something worse than that?” You were starting to feel horrified with yourself. If hugging Yaku didn’t faze him, then you must’ve done something far more atrocious based on his reaction. 

“I’m just fucking around. You didn’t do anything you shouldn’t have.” He said playfully except it didn’t reach his eyes.

“I ordered ramen while you were still sleeping. Figured you have to eat from how you barfed last night.”

The thought of food immediately replaced having broken memories of last night’s event. He was right. The nausea from when you woke up was greatly lessened and has left you starving. Having him stay for the night was the right choice your drunk self made. 

After you ate, you felt so much better. The medicine completely kicked in and your ravenous appetite from getting wasted has been satiated. 

He was the one who set the table, so you took it upon yourself to clean up after. 

“Did we use the stairs instead of the elevator?” You asked while walking to your trash bin with used cutleries in your hand. 

“Why?”

“My thighs freaking hurt.” You answered as you threw what you were holding in the bin. 

He sighed. “You really don’t remember anything.” It was a statement of surrender, acknowledging that you really couldn’t recall much of later occurrences from last night.

You washed your hands before facing him. 

“Why won’t you just tell me already?” The way he’s being enigmatic about it is so strange. It was unlike him. You thought he’d be more smug about it, teasing you for doing whatever stupid thing you did you might have done. 

“We had sex and you told me you love me.”

You just stared at him, looking for the slightest indication that he was just kidding. But you found none. He was looking straight at you, waiting for your own reaction to what he just told.

It felt like someone dropped a huge boulder right on top of you. Your headache that just dissipated was threatening to come back as some missing key pieces of the puzzle that is your memory were finally showing up. 

Scenes from last night flashed in your mind, making your breathing gradually heavy from what transpired before you lost consciousness. 

You still couldn’t remember all of it, but the ones you do, made you run to the bathroom, ignoring how your lower body throbbed from the sudden motion.  

It was you. You were the one who asked him to stay. You were the one who kissed him first. You were the fool who admitted your love for him.

Once inside, you hurriedly remove your shirt.

Purple and reddish spots were scattered on the base of your neck, on your shoulder, and down to your breasts. 

Although your memories are still in fragments. The ones you just recalled made everything cohesive. Your voice was gruff earlier from how you screamed in pleasure. The muscles in your abdomen down to your thighs ached from how you chased your own gratification on top of him. You didn’t change your clothes before sleeping. It was him who did it.

It was already regrettable that you let him do you, but to confess to him after doing so? 

It wasn’t how you wanted it to go. You wanted a real conversation about it. It didn’t have to be dramatic, but telling him about your feelings while drunk and passing out after took away the opportunity to see how he would react to it. 

Now all you can see is his troubled face when he kept asking if you didn’t remember anything. 

Whatever hope you had yesterday was flushed down the drain. If he felt the same way, why did he look so anxious?

He probably felt bad for you, so he stayed the night and made sure you were taken care of in the morning. You could imagine him having that distorted sense of responsibility when you drank your heart out at his own party and confessed your love at the end of the night. 

You put your shirt back on and stepped out. 

You didn’t want to but you have to. You forced yourself to confront the problem head on. You had no way out of the situation. 

You found him in the way you left him, sitting on the same chair in your dining area.

When you came back, you wore a distraught expression with a strained smile on your lips.

“I’m really sorry about last night. I haven’t been in a relationship and haven’t got laid either when I left, so I missed the feeling. It must’ve been weird for you. My bad.” 

That sounded plausible to you. Indeed, you were becoming a good liar.

You waited for his response, but you’re met only with silence.

He suddenly stood up and went to get his clothes that he hung on the handle of your closet. “You look okay now, so I’m leaving.”

He seemed irritated, but you didn’t know why. Did you poke his ego? 

“Hey, wait.” You stop him as he’s already at the door with his long strides. 

“What?” He snarled,  anger seeping from how he uttered the word.

“Why are you mad?” You asked with genuine perplexity as to why he’s so ticked off. . 

“Let me rephrase what you just said, y.n.Y ou were drunk, horny, and lonely and I happened to be conveniently there for you to fuck with.”

You were previously confused and worried, but now you’re aggravated. You didn’t coerce him to have sex with you. How dare he make it look like you used him. How dare he act like that that wasn’t the nature of your sexual relationship. 

“And?” You replied with cold apathy.

You saw how your response wounded him. There was a gleam of hurt that crossed his eyes before he turned around, ready to exit your apartment.

But you didn’t feel bad for him. You only feel irony from how he’s reacting. 

“Didn’t you treat me the same, Kuroo? Didn’t you enjoy how much of a convenient fuck I was to you?”

He let go of the door knob and spun to face you right when you spoke. 

“At least when you weren’t around back then, I wasn’t getting nasty with anybody else.”

You didn’t mean for that to slip out. It wasn’t even something that fit the context of your argument. It made your blood boil how he made himself the victim, so you wanted to throw something at him in return. 

“The fuck are you talking about?” A frown shifting his expression from angry to confusion.

Nothing good will come out if you let unnecessary anger take over you, so you let out a deep breath, calming yourself down before you say anything. “I was there that night. At the bar.” 

You figured out that he already knew what you meant when shock took over the bewilderment that previously reigned on his face. Still, you wanted to say it. You never had the boldness you currently have, so you found it necessary to hell him how you felt back then before you lose the chance to ever do so. 

“You must’ve been really bored that you needed a distraction while you waited for. So I didn’t lie when I said I was sick that night. That’s what I felt with what I saw.”

Even though you sounded like you were faulting him, the truth is you were just narrating it as how it happened. So when you gave him a smile, it was a sympathetic one because you knew he didn’t do anything wrong. He shouldn’t look like he did something he was not supposed to.. 

“But really, I was just dumb. No one said we were exclusive shagmates. I just assumed that myself.”

“Was that why you avoided me when you were about to leave?” His voice was low and soft.

You nod. “Yeah.”

His jaw tensed up as he harshly averted his gaze away from you as if you were someone painful to look at.

“I see.” was all he said before he opened the door and walked out.

—

Kuroo was expecting the hangover, but not you forgetting every single important detail from last night. It was disappointing, but forgivable. There was nothing you could’ve done about that.

He thought that once he told you, you’d admit that it was true. He’d get to hear you say those words again, but for real this time, not just because you were alcohol-induced. 

Apparently, he thought wrong.

He just happened to be the person present when all your pent up feelings were let loose by the alcohol. What if it was Yaku who took you home? Would you have done the same with him? Would you have pulled him in your bed and let him ease your needs like he did last night? Would you have told him that you love him too?

It almost made him furious However, it was immediately thwarted with what you revealed. You were actually there that night. He was convinced you ditched him, but the reality was you fled from the scene because of what you saw. He didn’t really do anything with that woman other than what you witnessed. He couldn’t even remember her face. 

But that didn’t matter. What mattered was how that night of him being uncertain of his feelings made you feel. He knew exactly how. You felt like an option, the primary one, but still an option regardless. 

There was no one else he was having sexual affairs with aside from you at that time. You were right that he could have messed around with others because no one said he wasn’t allowed to. But he didn’t. He was content with you. He didn’t crave for anyone else when he had you. 

He wanted to give his side of the story. He wanted to let you know that he was confused at the time and that he didn’t mean to hurt you like that. But the look in your face told him that you didn’t care anymore. You resolved the issue on your own by letting yourself believe that it was you to be blamed for thinking that it should’ve been you only. 

He must have been an ass in your eyes. What he felt a while ago was what you must have felt that particular evening. The scenarios were different, but they enunciated the same cruel fact despite the different timeline - you were practical to have around for sex only. 

Nothing was different from how it was a year ago.

What happens now that the both of you smashed that wall of platonic friendship you built? What are you now? Will the two of you go on and pretend like last night didn’t happen or will you go back to being fuck buddies?

Both are equally grim to him. 

How can he act like last night didn’t happen when it meant the world to him? As he held you captive in his embrace after you muttered the words he was longing so long to hear, he couldn’t stop himself from believing the sweet promise of your inebriated words. Only for you to crush his hopes not even 24 hours after. 

Similarly, he couldn’t see himself getting back to having casual sex with you again. Not when his feelings for you have grown so enormous that it was weighing him down just thinking that you didn’t feel the same way. He couldn’t even look you in the eyes before he left from the dejection burrowing on his chest. 

He pressed his car keys and got inside the vehicle.

He was physically tired from not getting enough sleep last night. Yet it was nothing compared to the grueling ache he has for you that escalated even higher despite the circumstances.

--

Your last conversation with Kuroo was heated, but you didn’t say anything out of line. You were also upset, but not enough to not want to talk to him. 

Obviously, that wasn’t the case for him. He’s clearly avoiding you. 

It’s been three weeks since you’ve seen him. It was the first time that you hadn’t met with him for that long. He didn’t even message you as often as he used to. He’d only text you if you text him first and to add salt to the injury, his replies were dry as ice. Before, he would always be the first one to reach out to you. Now, it’s as if he was only forced to respond out of courtesy.

His absence made you think how things would’ve played out differently if you just told him that you meant it when you said you love him. If you knew that it was going to be like this, you would’ve just told him. If he avoided you because of it, at least you’d have been able to get your feelings for him out of your chest already. But since you panicked from your unconscious confession, you chickened out at the chance to do so. 

Even though you believe you were in the right during your argument, he apparently took offense from something you said. So you decided to clear the air with him and apologize.

Once you reach your car, you’ll text him to meet when he’s free. You’ll do it now while you’re still sitting in the lobby of the hotel where you just met with a client. Your meeting was over for almost an hour now, but you still sat there with your mind occupied by Kuroo.

You took your phone out and started to compose a message. It should be a simple one but somehow you found it complicated to form the simple question of asking to see him again. You look around while you think of how to make it natural-sounding.

That’s when you saw him, sitting at a good distance across you.

He looked a bit rugged than usual with bags under his eyes and weariness apparent on his face. Maybe he was busy with work that’s why he wasn’t as responsive as you wanted him to be. All your gloomy thoughts might just be you overthinking. 

That gave you the assertiveness to walk up to him and take the vacant seat in front of him. 

You didn’t say anything but you were all smiles when he met your eyes. 

“Fancy meeting you here. Haven’t seen you in a while,” you said haughtily. You were expecting a conceited retort like ‘Why? Did you miss me?’ or something like that because that’s how he is with you. 

Instead, he sat straight as his eyes darted around as if he was looking for something. 

“Sorry. I was sorting out stuff at work,” he answered blandly when he returned his gaze at you.

You nod while you try to not feel disappointed. You were glad to finally see him, but it looked like you’re just a bother to him. Still, you’re there already. You won’t let this chance pass by. 

“I heard the food is good here. Want to try it? I haven’t had lunch yet.” You lied about the food being good. You really haven’t heard of the restaurant in the place, but you just needed a way to ask him casually.

“Uh..” he looks at his watch with worry. 

“Kuroo-san?” It came from a feminine voice behind you. 

You turned your head and saw a pretty, short-haired lady who’s even taller than Alisa Haiba. You’d compare Alisa’s beauty to an expensive piece of jewelry, stunning and eye-catching. This girl is like a cold iced tea on a hot day, refreshing and pleasant to take in on the first sip. 

“Oh.” You and the girl muttered in unison when your eyes locked with each other.

You were in no way insecure of how you look. Modeling gave you a constant ego boost. You knew you’re beautiful, but alongside the two women, you felt average. 

“Sorry, y/n. I’m currently busy. Some other time?” He looked at you apologetically.

The patheticness that set in you was quick and vicious, giving you no time to prepare as you put two and two together. He was meeting someone else. That’s why he was so uncomfortable when you came over.

The seat you took wasn’t vacant. It was for her. 

You got ahead of yourself and thought he’d be glad to see you. If he wanted to, he would’ve asked you. Instead, you marched your way to him confidently when he was expecting another girl.

“No! It’s me who’s sorry for suddenly coming over like that. You guys enjoy.” You said as you stood up all too quickly. You gave the girl a polite bow, then gave one to Kuroo as well. You’ve never bowed to him, but right now, he felt so distant that you found the need to do so. 

The click of your heels were in the same rhythm as the beating of your heart, it was fast and heavy. It was irritating. Yet you wouldn’t slow down even if they echoed in the whole lobby.

You need to get out of there fast.

--

Kuroo knew you misinterpreted the situation again when you bowed to him. That was something you both didn’t do. You were never polite to each other. 

He wanted to go after you, but he’s working. He couldn’t let personal matters take over. He’ll just call you later. 

“Is everything alright, Kuroo-san?”

He forced himself to focus on his job.

“Ah, yes. Please sit down, Kanoka-san.” The volleyball player took the seat you were occupying just a moment ago.

Even with Kanoka sitting in front of him, his eyes went to your back instinctively as you headed towards the exit of the building. 

He’s been reluctant to see you for the past few weeks because he didn’t know how to face you without the complexity of his feelings blowing up in both your faces. 

When you suddenly came out of nowhere, he was completely taken aback. It wasn’t the right time. He had a scheduled appointment with Kanoka to discuss her ad with Mikasa. He couldn’t engage in a proper conversation because she was running late and he knew she was going to be there anytime soon. 

If only he wasn’t on the edge around you, he could’ve handled the situation well. Instead, it seemed like he brushed you off to be with someone else. 

Shit.

“Kanoka-san, I’d be back in a minute.”

He didn’t wait for her answer and stood up. He walked as fast as he could to catch up to you. 

“Y.n. Wait” He called out to stop you before you could get out of the building. He knew you heard it since some of the guests around him looked at him from how loud he said your name. Yet, you didn’t look back. You only treaded the marbled floor faster, leaving him no choice but to chase you.

He didn’t care about people looking anymore. You were upset enough to ignore him. That gave him all the more reason to go after you.

He reached you in no time and grabbed your arm, but you still wouldn’t look at him. 

“I need to go,” you said with a stern voice with your gaze fixated on the glass door just a few steps away. “I said wait.” His grip tightened on your arm when he saw how badly you wanted to get away from him.

“Will you please let me talk?” His voice softened, pleading for you to give him a chance to explain even though he had no idea why you were so hurt. You only saw him as a friend. You wouldn’t get jealous over that. 

 Yet, you still wouldn't budge. Your only response was the heaving of your chest as you weakly struggled to remove his grip on your arm.

“Kitten, come on,” he said soothingly while his thumb strokes the flesh of your arm.

“Guard!” You half-shouted with a wavering voice to the men near the entrance and exit.

The guards all turned their attention on him, your plea for help instantly heard.

He immediately let go not from the fear of the guards, but because of the pang from being treated like a threat when all he wanted was to clear any misunderstandings you might have had from the situation earlier.

As soon as you became free from him, you rushed to the exit without even sparing him a glance.

Just when he thought things were bad between the two of you, it just got worse

With nothing but increased load on his shoulders, he went back to do his job. 

—

“What’s wrong with you?” Kenma looked at Kuroo with eyebrows knitted together in irritation.

“What?” Kuroo put down the controller to face him.

“You barged in here and forced me to play but you’re not even focused.”

Kuroo threw his head back on the couch. It has been a while since Kuroo came over, but Kenma knew it wasn’t the lack of game time that was making him play like a noob. It was so obvious that his mind was somewhere else when he’d blankly stare at the enemy already approaching ahead of him.

“Why are you really here?” 

Kuroo sighed and spoke with a bored voice, “We had drunken sex, then she told me she loves me.”

Kenma just stared at him. It’s not like he didn’t know that you two had that kind of relationship before, but hearing it directly from Kuroo made him a bit awkward since three of you were friends. Kuroo could’ve just left out the sex detail. It’s not like he didn’t know that it was about to happen that night.

But he shouldn’t be focusing on that detail. If you finally confessed to him as he pushed you to, then Kuroo would’ve been stupidly happy. So why is Kuroo here bothering him? Did you two fight or whatever?

“So why are you here?” he asked again since Kuroo didn’t really answer his question. 

“She didn’t mean it. She said she was ‘lonely’ so she projected those feelings at me because she was drunk and I was available dick at the moment,” Kuroo said impassively but gave a wry laugh after.  

“Are you saying that you’re still not together until now?”

“What made you think we got together?”

Kenma gritted his teeth from his frustration turning into irritation. He let it pass that Kuroo left him in that party because he presumed that you two finally ended the ludicrous, almost there but not really romantic pursuit that has been going on since he met you. That’s what he thought since Kuroo hasn’t contacted him for some time. 

But looking at his friend, he already knew that somehow, things were even worse between you two. 

All this time, he didn’t say anything to Kuroo because he was not in the position to do so. It was you and Kuroo’s business, not his. Even though Kuroo has been his best friend for years now and even though you two were painfully dumb to notice each other’s feelings, he didn’t intervene. He trusted that you two will work things out on your own. 

He was gravely mistaken. 

Kuroo looked lost more than ever. He overestimated his friend. He deemed Kuroo smart on all occasions, but he seemed to dumb a bit when it involved you. Why is he waiting for you to be the catalyst of your relationship? If he’d just cough it up already, then the whole ordeal would be over already. 

You and Kuroo’s relationship is like a badly designed game with overly dramatic cutscenes that were just there to prolong the story. It should’ve been long over a year ago if Kuroo was not as stupid as he was. 

He didn’t want to divulge any of your secrets, but he wanted to see a good ending for you two. So he’s going to leave a piece of crumb for the two of you to stop making bad decisions that could lead to a bad route. If that doesn’t do it, then that’s it for you two. He won’t care anymore. 

“Remember the night when I left my keys and you forced me to go to that shabby bar. I bumped into her on the way out. She saw you ...ugh,” he paused for a while to think of a word that wasn’t so vulgar.

“Yeah, yeah. She saw me making out with some random girl. She told me.” Kuroo interjected before he could even finish mulling over what word to use.

Kenma didn’t expect that you’d admit that to Kuroo. Even when you were about leave, you clearly told him to never tell him. 

“You should’ve seen her. She looked really heartbroken that I felt so bad for her. She cried a lot when we talked in her car.”

The slow turn of Kuroo’s head towards him let him know that you left out that part when you told him about the incident. 

“Guess she didn’t tell you about that.”

Kuroo always wondered how you and Kenma had this familiarity wherein he wasn’t aware of the source. He just accepted that maybe you two just got that comfortable to each other with all the time you’ve spent playing and hanging out with him.

Now it makes sense. Kenma was there when he first fucked things up with you.

At the time, he had an inkling that you would tell him that you love him or something. But he didn’t think you’d actually do it. He thought he was just being egoistic because you were a slice of heaven that he could only taste but not possibly have. So he always assumed that non-sexual feelings were just out of the question and he never pondered on it until that night, making him uncertain of how he really felt about you. 

When he was still irresolute of his own feelings, you were already certain of your own.

Because of that, he unknowingly caused you enough pain to make you cry. 

He was itching to ask Kenma why he didn’t tell him, but that’s the least of his concerns right now.

So many questions came to his mind from what Kenma just disclosed. 

Do you still feel the same now?

Did you actually mean your intoxicated confession. If so, why did you deny it? 

Did he not make you feel that he cared for you more than just a friend?

Did you think he was seeing Kanoka? Were you really jealous as he thought? 

You were friends. You, yourself, were the one who pushed that concept for you two. You could’ve asked him, or at least, let him speak when he ran after you. 

Instead, you distanced yourself from him. You didn’t answer his calls and texts. You were doing what you did, then the next thing he knew was you were already gone. 

“Something’s not right,” he muttered to himself before focusing his gaze back on Kenma.

“Do you know why y/n left before?” 

Kenma pursed his lips as he looked away, avoiding his stifling stare. “Didn’t you ask her about that?”

“She didn’t tell me,” he lied. He knew the answer, but Kenma might have a different one, the real one. You did confide with him before. You might have told him other things too. 

With an infuriated groan, Kenma took his phone out and scrolled for a few seconds. When Kenma found whatever it is that he was looking for, he threw his phone to Kuroo. 

It was a text message from you. 

‘Hey Kenma. I’m leaving. I hate having feelings for Kuroo, so I need to go away to forget. I’m that pitiful haha. Even so, please don’t tell him about our conversation that night. And thanks for being there. Bye! :)’

He read the text five more times to make sure that every single word meant what he thought they meant. Then he returned the phone to Kenma.

He placed his elbows on his knees and put his hands together to cover the lower half of his face. 

You left because of him?

He took a deep breath as he moved his hands to tuck his whole face. 

He fought the urge to ponder on the what-ifs in his head. He’ll do that some other time, but right now, he needs to focus on the present than the past. 

The mosaic of events was starting to fall into place, and even though there are missing fragments, he could already see the bigger picture. 

It made his stomach drop.

You were following the same pattern you did a year ago. That means you were about to run away again. You’re going to disappear on him again without saying anything. 

His hands went all the way up his head, brushing his hair away from his face as he pressed down his fingertips on his scalp.

No no no no no no no.

He can’t let that happen. 

“I have to go,” he stood up and bolted to the door before Kenma could even react. 

It’s only been two days since your last encounter. He’d like to think that that wasn’t enough time for you to pack up and go to another side of the world. 

Before starting the engine of his car, he dialed your phone again. It’s still ringing, but you still won’t answer.

He quickly types a rushed “Wher r yu” before driving off, hoping that you’d reply while he’s on the way.

He tried to keep himself from overspeeding to reach your place while he reasoned with himself that it’s very improbable for you to leave just like that. 

When he reached your place without hearing from you, he was almost sprinting to reach the front desk. He wasn’t with you, so he wasn’t allowed to just go in. 

His breathing was labored when he reached the receptionist. 

“Who are you visiting, sir?” The staff asked politely.

“L/n, Y/n. 707c,” he answered as quickly as he could. 

They immediately gave him a civil smile, already knowing the answer to his query. “Sir, Ms. L/n left an hour ago.”

He felt his heart drop down to his gut. 

He was too late.

“Thanks,” he said out of courtesy even though he wanted to bask in silence from what was happening. 

He lost you again. 

--

Even though you tried not to think about it, your last encounter with Kuroo just kept playing over and over in your mind. It gave you nothing but unpleasant sentiments for both Kuroo and yourself. 

You felt awful for what you did to Kuroo at that hotel. It was a terrible thing to do, and you were very much aware of that. 

Even though you want to apologize, you don’t know how to justify why you did what you did without revealing how hurt you were that he was dating someone else now. There’s no point in doing the confession crap anymore. It will only worsen your already battered emotional and psychological being. 

Still, he didn’t deserve that.

But when he called you ‘kitten’ like everything was the same as it used to be, you began to drastically lose control of your feelings. Your misery overwhelmed you. A second longer around him, and you’d have crumbled in his presence.

When you got home and calmed down after a good while, it didn’t slip your mind that you might have gotten the wrong idea about Kuroo and the girl at the hotel . But you didn’t want to have false hopes anymore. It was what made things unbearable.

It’s what made you want to run away. 

That would solve everything instantly. You wouldn’t have to contemplate anything anymore. You wouldn’t have to go through the awkwardness of facing him again. .

It would be so easy for you. 

You could leave anytime. You did have brand contracts in the country, but nothing binding. When you go back to the US, your career won’t be starting from zero. 

You’d be restarting your life again without Kuroo. But for real this time. You won’t be coming back. 

You stop in the middle of the dimly lit path you were trudging on. You don’t know how long it’s been since you went out. 

You decided to go for a walk because being in your own bed with unwelcome mental images of Kuroo underneath you did not help the situation in any way. 

You hoped that you’d tire yourself out until there was something else in your mind other than your current predicament. Although the stroll didn’t do much to wear you out since you’re used to standing and walking even on high heels.  

So there you were, wandering aimlessly at night, hoping for a little bit of peace since your very own room was no longer a safe haven. 

Really, you should just pack up and go. 

You started to head back to your unit with that decision. 

“I hate myself,” you mumbled into the coldness of the air when you noticed that you were barely covering any distance with how slow you were moving. You dreaded going back home because that meant you had to leave. Despite the never ending complications with Kuroo, your silly heart still cries out for him. 

Since when have you been such a martyr?

Last time, you had no problems walking away from him even if that meant stopping university and turning modeling, something you weren’t really passionate about, into a full time job. Now that you have nothing to lose, that’s when you struggled to fly away?

You lost count of how many times your phone has been vibrating the whole night. If you really wanted to ignore him, you could’ve just blocked him. Instead, you let him call and text you non-stop for it consoled you. You liked that he still cared.

But for the first time tonight, you took out your phone. 

You let it vibrate in your hand as you stared at the photo of his caller ID. It was a selfie of him winking, trying hard to look sexy but ended up looking like a joke. He took it when you left your phone when you had to use the comfort room while bumming around at Kenma’s place. You only saw the image when it popped up when he called you after getting home that day. 

You haven’t seen the photo in a while. It made you smile a little.

Maybe it was time to answer it. 

You extended your thumb to the answer button when a loud honk made you look to your left where the sound came from. 

You weren’t aware of it, but you stopped right in the middle of a small intersection. You put back your phone in your pocket and turned to the vehicle. 

You couldn’t really see much from the headlights that were blinding you. Still, you give a curt bow to apologize for being in the way. 

You were about to turn back to the direction of your place when you heard the door of the car open. 

‘Please, let it not be one of those raging drivers.’

You have no energy to deal with pesky people who think they have the right to tell people off just because they’re the ones behind the wheel. 

You squinted your eyes to make out the driver’s expression as he went out, but the light greatly obstructed your vision. 

It was when they switched off the headlights that you were able to adjust your eyesight

They didn’t bother closing the door and straight up marched towards you, their profile coming to view halfway from where you were. 

Kuroo. 

If only you saw him immediately, you would have had more time to process things and decide how you should deal with him. 

But with him getting nearer and nearer and your mind not coming up with a course of action you should take, each footfall closer he took added to your perturbation.

Even though you know it's futile with him only an arm span away, you turned to where you were facing earlier and decided to escape from him. 

Even though you didn’t have the courage to start anew without him, you were also not yet prepared to confront him face to face yet. 

But as you lunged to scram away, he was able to grasp your wrist, rendering you helpless as he yanked you with enough force for you to topple on his chest. Your free hand flies to his bicep instinctively for support as he secures you with his other arm snaking around your waist.

With your bodies pressed to each other and his head lowered beside your ear, you could feel how hard he was heaving, as if he’d been pacing for quite some time.

“Stop running the fuck away from me,” he said in almost a whisper that caused your heart to beat wildly in your chest. Has he been actively looking for you this whole time?

He was the first to recover while you’re still shocked from what’s happening. He lifted his head as let go of your wrist, but still kept you in place with his other hand still firmly planted on your side. 

“Y.n.”

“What?” You responded but didn’t dare look at him.  You kept your head leveled while you tried to distract yourself from how it felt like home to be held this close by him again. 

His hand that was previously on your wrist went to your chin, but he put no effort to make you meet his gaze. 

“If I tell you I love you, will you look my way already?”

Part 8 | Part 10 | m.list

A/N: 

Thank you for your patience and sorry for the long wait. I know. I know. I said this was going to be the last chapter, but I felt like if I condense everything in this chapter, I'll blow everyone's brains out (including mine).But honestly, I felt like this stretch was needed yk.I promise I'll do everything to wrap things up nicely in Chapter 10Chapter 10 will be the LAST CHAPTER (istg). I already started writing it and have outlined halfway through it.

Taglist (those in bold can’t be tagged)  @lia-faerie-queen @mkkhaikyuu @fastidious-and-precise @winunk @feelkindahorny @cece-lives-here @arendizzle @phantomneko0 @ysatrap @babythotshq @ameliaxo @miiy​ @kurooscoochie

[rip-a-dip-dip-you-potato-chip]

will this be a legit tumblr fic series? no, absolutely not I just felt like writing something. Everything else will be bullet points since I can knock out like, two to three seasons in one go.

Shannon (Shan) Maywether.

Oc introduction P1

This takes place in between season 1 episodes 10 and 11 in like a mini sode I like to call "Eye of Unfairness" its a play off the fact Shan means unfortunate and unfair in Scottish (something I recently learned)

Also feel free to change out Shannon's/Shans name for your OC if you want to! I don't mind! Keep in mind this fic was made with Shannon's personality and physical condition in mind. I also wouldn't mind feed back!

Third person POV

A day had passed since the reveal of the green ninja. It was a surprise to learn that Lloyd, a kid, was the supposed chosen one. It was shock to, well everyone on board the Bounty.

It was Wednesday, so Shannon was tasked with cooking for the day. She stood, cutting vegetables for the side dish she was wiping up alongside the English breakfast she had made. Her mind was filled with ‘what if's’. As an older sister to 10 younger brothers, 4 of which that happen to be around Lloyd’s age it was startling for her. There was no telling when the 'Final Battle' will take place and what would happen during it, took the focus from the sharp edge of the blade she was holding.

"ow, damn it-" dropping the knife on the cutting board as she cursed. Bringing the cut wound to her lips she sucked on it as she searched for the bandages they kept in the kitchen just incase if kind of thing happened.

After finding bandages and bandaging the cut Shannon finished fixing up the salad. Just as she set the freshly tossed salad on the table the other residents of the ship walked in.

"Morning Shannon" "Mornin' Zane"

The other ninja mumbled a good morning as well as they took their set's at the table and began eating the breakfast prepared.

"Hay Shannon what happened to your hand?" Lloyd asked looking at the older girls hand.

"Oh, accidently cut myself." She replied placing her coffee cup down looking over at the small blonde. She ruffled his hair earning a ‘stop it’ from the boy, and chuckled at how messy his hair was now. 

The rest of breakfast went without much problem seeing as how everyone was still riding down from the adrenaline that was yesterday. It all seemed peaceful still Garmadon walked in.

Shannon's POV

Garm walked in, late as usual. And as usual we where all kinda put off with what he was eating. Dark matter grubs I think there called? Never payed much attention to this sorta thing really. I just can't get the truth we uncovered yesterday. Lloyd being the green ninja. Its going to hard for him I can tell.

Letting out an tried sigh I got up with my now empty plate and made my way over to the sink.

"Shannon, the Bounty is landing in a bit. You wanna come run groceries with me?" Nya asked as I passed her.

"Uhh, sure just tell me when you're planning on leaving." "You got it!"

____

Third person POV

As stated by Nya the Bounty had landed not long after they finished washing the dishes. The boys were outside training. Shannon seated cross-legged on the steps just watching with Wu. Garmadon had disappeared back into the ship, probably his room for the time being. Lloyd was hanging around the place too, inside reading. And Nya was getting ready to head out.

It wouldn't be for another 10 minutes till Garmadon emerged from where ever he was.

And unfortunately for everyone he was at the steps of the ship leading to where the ninja were training, and felt like causing some chaos.

Now it's not the man's fault, he has the venom of an equally evil snake brooding in his veins.

He knew he couldn't mess with the ninja, it was like a principle thing seeing as how they where tolerating his presence on the ship. Wu literally came to what might have been hell to most folks and brought him back to Ninjago to save his son. Nyas off limits, and as much as he wants to, his son, Lloyd is probably still shaken from not just the green ninja thing, but the snakes as well.

Which left Shannon.

The young lady had made it clear since there first interaction, that she held nothing against the dark lord. In fact she even played along with his bullshit if she felt like it. Best part, she can hold her own too. She may not train with the boys often but she knows spinjitzu, and has proven to be a good fighter, Shans just lax and a go with the flow kind of person.

With that in mind, he decided to make a comment.

"Not going to change?"

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" Shannon questioned, she didn't bother to look at him, as she took a swig from her tea that Wu had generously offered.

"With the amount of purple you wear you might get mistaken for a snake"

"Phff, at least I don't look like a took a bath in tar"

With that, a swift yet not powerful smack to the back of the teens head was earned. It was supposed to be playful, harmless but as the force of the hit passed through the youngers head, the sound of heavy glass hitting wood made itself known. This caused the boys to stop and turn there attention back over to the steps on the deck. As Shannon looked up, it became evidently clear she was missing her right eye.

Panic ensues.

Jay, Cole, Kai, and Zane screamed at the fact there friends eye was now just gone. Garmadons just standing there questioning if he put more power than he initially thought he did. Wu went wide eyes as he stared at the girl next to him, seeing small streams of blood leak out the now empty eye socket. Lloyd and Nya came running out to only to scream themselves.

With a sigh Shannon picked up her Eye and monical that had fallen.

"Guys, chill out!" She yelled.

"CHILL OUT! SHAN YOU EYE FEEL OUT OF YOUR HEAD" the Blue ninja yelled. Pointing at the eye in the Burnetts hand.

"Its a glass eye bolts for brain's" Shan retorted.

"Glass eye?" Cole repeated.

"Yes, a glass eye! Why did you think I wore a monocle instead of regular glasses? Sure I can't see jack with my right eye but it acts as a shield of sorts!"

"I-im so sorry, are you okay Shannon?" Garmadon asked.

"Ya, im fine" she answered.

____

After that everyone had gone inside. Zane grabbed the medical kit to disinfect and put a temporary patch over Shannon's eye. Garmadon had taken the glass eye and with the recommended disinfectant Shannon just so happen to have on her, put the bloody thing in a black glass cup filled with warm water and the disinfectant liquid mixture, to clean it. He may be the bad guy, but he's never really hurt anyone to the point they lose something like an eye.

Once done he gave the glass to Shannon who was now sitting in the armchair.

"So, umm how'd you uh- you know lose you eye?" Kai asked weirly, he feared there might be some sort of trauma along with it and didn't want to trigger it.

"You don't have to tell us!" Nya quickly added.

"Na its fine" Shannon said as she waved off there concerns.

"I was about seven when it happened. Home invasion. The guy had a gun. I had heard sound from downstairs and curiosity got the best of me. I think your all smart enough to piece together what happened next" she said. Everyone kinda relied back at the mear mental image.

"Yikes" Jay, shivered at the thought of it.

"I mean it’s not all that bad I guess. Altho I didn't have a say in whether or not I got a fake eye"

"What do you mean you didn't get a say in it?"

"It’s exactly as I say it is. When I woke up my depth perception was crap, but I had both my eyes. It wasn't until the doctor told me my parents were admit about me having one"

"So are, you like going to be ok or?"

"I'll be fine green bean, if anything this was a good thing, means I need a new one. Thankfully I shot my brother text about one lot long ago." Shannon said dismissively

"Brother?" Wu questioned.

"Okay, Nya you ready to got out?"

"Ya but it can wait-" "I'm good, I swear Nya lets go" the older girl instead as she got up and dragged Nya out the ship for their planned outing. (She put the glass with the eye in the table as they left)

"Well that was, concerning" Cole said as the two girls disappeared.

____

It was around midday the girls were not back yet. Jay was still unnerved by the eye in the cup being in such an open area, moved it over to the kitchen counter. Training was cut short because of the incident. Wu taking into account not just the mental impact of one of his charges eyes popping up in front of them, but the buildup of stuff they'd been having to deal with since his absence. Besides when the girls get back they all need to talk of a plan to get the Fang Blades back from the Serpentine before they can awaken the Devourer. 

Wu and his brother where out front on the deck talking, it felt like forever to the two of them since they last spoke in such good terms. The guys (pluss Lloyd) where inside playing video games as a pass time. It wasn't long after when the sound of a car, a taxi, could be heard coming there way. As the taxi came to a stop the guys had logged off there game and stepped out to grate the return of the only two females on their team. 

But instead of the raven and green tipped brunette haired, a blond tipped brunette boy stepped out the vehicle (not before paying of course) and made his way over to the Bounty. 

“umm, dumb question since there aren't many flying ships around, but is this the Destiny's Bounty?” The Boy asked as he neared the ship. upon closer inspection the boy was wearing a leather jacket with a white under shirt, and jeans with a pair of black converse. He had a mailman bag slung over his shoulder. 

“ya it is, what bring you all the way out here though?” Cole answered as he crossed his arms. attempting to look menacing which seemed to be working.   

“uh, I came to drop something off for my sister, Shannon?” The boy answered.

“Shannon, as in the monocle waring Shan?” Jay asked 

“yes! that one!” 

“Cool, Cool... wanna climb on board?” Kai asked him.

“Would I!” The boy, Shannon’s brother made is way up on the Bounty.

“By the way, what you name” Zane asked as the brunet dorded.

“Shane, Shane Maywather and might I say it’s a pleasure to meet the guys my sister has been staying with after all this time.” He, Shane replied.

____

“wait, so let me get this straight” Cole stood with his hands on his head, clearly confused by what was said. 

Its been about an hour since Shane was let on borde and the guy could see why his sister liked it here so much.  

“there are 10 of you? including Shane makes 11″ Cole sated. Shane just nodded as he let the earth ninja racape what Shane had told them. Wu and Garmadon where in the kitchen intently listening to the conversation they were having.  

“yup, Shan and I are the oldest, there where are the quads; Jason, Mayson, Tyson, Carson.” He started again listing his younger siblings.

“Then the triplets; Asher, Carter and Xavier. Then the last set of twins; Franklyn and Merlyn” Shane finished. 

“No wonder Shannon can deal with us so well” Jay said looking astonished.

“ya she had to deal with 9 younger brothers and one older one” Kai remarked. Shane snickered before correcting him.

“Shannon is the oldest, in fact despite us being twins, she’s technically a year older than me.” 

“But isn't being twins, like two people being born on the same day?” Zane inquired.

“True, but you see, my mom had Shannon on december 31st 1995, at around 11:55pm, I then happened on january 1st 1996 at 00:02am in the morning” Shane explained.

“dude” Jay commented. Shane laghed.

“yup,Shannons the ‘big sister’ of the house” He said glancing about.  

“i'm surprised though, i though Shannon would have at least mentioned something about you guys to us” Lloyd pipped in. He enjoyed Shannons company she made him feel welcome. And when she caught him setting up the prank for Kai as his uncle had asked him to, she gave him some pointers on how to eviscerate Kai’s high score. Even took some pressure off him as she stayed in the room in anticipation for the fire ninja so they wouldn't get too suspicious. To learn Shan had several younger brothers, like Jay commented, meade scene in how she was not only dealt with them but was able to deal with his father so well.

“Honestly,it's do be expected. Because Shannons the oldest our parents are hard on her... We come from a fairly well of family to the point where money is more or less a play thing to our folks” Shane started, the ninja(pluss Loyd)went wide eyed.

“so you're saying you guys are rich?” Jay asked dumbfounded. Shane fidgeted with his fingers.

“Y-Ya pretty much. But Shannon, and our parents, they... They don't get along at all. For all i can remember, the only time i've ever had with Shan was when she wasn't in any of her classes or extracurriculars. They pushed her to be perfect, and at the same time pushed her away. Looking back there where countless arguments over a lot of what they where doing” Shane said looking down at his lap. 

“There was this one argument that just hit the nail in the head though, a couple years back, it was during dinner and our parents had invited a business associates family over. They had a son, about three years older then Shannon and I. Our parents had announced that he would be Shannons fiance and thighs went downhill fast” Looking up once more Shane let a had run though his hair as he relieved the memory. The guys were taken aback by this, seeing as how Shan was arguably one of the most level headed people they knew. 

“sounds stressful” Kai quipped not really knowing how to respond to that, bur as a brother to a sister himself he could understand the feeling of not wanting your sibling to do be forced into doing something they don't want to. 

“You don’t half of it” Shan said with a sigh. 

“After that, she stormed out never to be seen scene again. At least physically, she managed to keep contact with me, we talk but not as much as either of us would like...” He finished leaning back and letting the surprisingly soft couch engulf him. 

“I’m glad though,she deserves a break after everything” Shane commented.

“ya well if you call fighting an army of skeletons, snakes and eventually Garmadon a brake, then you my friend are in need of a vacation as well” Jay replied plopping down next to Shane with a dorky grin. The tenshin that had been building in Shane dissipated, yup he could really see why his sister liked it here so much. 

____

Dropping the topic of who much his and Shannon's parents where that talked about other random things. It was a little bit later when the girl got back.  The two where catting about, something girl related when they walked into the main room of the Bounty. 

“Hey! Welcome back! And guess how came to visit?!” Jay sang, gesturing to Shane who was seated next to him. Shannon looked over at her bother in shock she thought-

"Good to see you again Sister!~" Shane said as be bolted form where he was sitting to envelope Shannon in a hug. As he did Shannon dropped the bags she was holding, seemingly shocked that her blood brother was here. 

“Shane?” She breathed, then hugged him back, leaning into it. 

After a bit the two separated.

“It’s good to see you again Shane! How have you been?” “Good, good, what about you? what happened to your eye? Where is it?” 

Shan laughed a little and shook her head.

“There was an accident this morning, Garmadon hit the back of my head and it just popped out” Shane stood still. Taking in the information. Once complete he turned and tried to lunged to where Garmadon was, if it wasn't for Shannon having grabbed him in that split second. He probably would have gone into a full on fist fight with the dark lord. 

“Lemme go! I'm going to eviscerate him!” Shane hissed struggling against his sisters grip. Thank the First Spinjitzu Master that Shannon trained with the boys ocashinaly. 

“Calm down little brother it was an accident” “Like HELL”  

The two go back and forth a little more till Shane camls down. Garmadon rightfully spooked at the fact that this, well mannered, e-boy looking, kid was threatened to ‘eviscerate’ him. 

“Fine, I won’t attack him, doesn't mean I won’t like it” Shane said mutting that last bit. 

“Seriously (1)Balach Milis, if you applied this anger properly, you wouldn't have to deal with what Eric and Lizzibeth right?” Shannon said as she let him go. picking up the grocery bags, and placed them on the counter. 

“(2)Flùr Gaoithe, you know when it comes to Mama and (3)Athair I can’t do do that!” He complained like a small child. 

“You really need to grow a backbone” Shane said shaking her head.

___ 

Things had settled down since then.  

“It’s getting late, I should get going, I have band practice tomorrow and need the rest.” “boo, skip and just stay here for the week” “Flùr Gaoithe” “Balach Milis“ 

With that The younger twin got up, gave his sister the new glass eye she had asked for, said his goodbyes, shot Garmadon one last glar, and left. 

“Your brother seems like a nice person” Gramadon said looking over the the greet tipped girl. 

“Ya, he’s awesome. Wish he was less of a pushover tho” 

Jay feeling thirsty, walked over into the kitchen. He spotted the black glass cup, completely having forgot about the eye inside it. Now you can't really see anything at the bottom. And Jay, in his infinite wisdom, thinking it was just some random cup of random water that had been left on the kitchen counter, and drank from it. 

“OH GOD” 

 “Did Jay drink from the eye glass?” Lloyd asked his uncle who was watching from the blue ninja form the table.

“He drank from the eye glass” Wu confirmed. The others erupted into a fit of laughter and giggles. 

__________

 (1)Balach Milis - Sweet boy  

(2)Flùr Gaoithe - Wind flower 

(3)Athair - dad

this was translated using google translate, the language being Scottish Gaelic. I know Ninjago was based off of asian culture. But like I said, Shan it scottish for unfortunate and unfair. Also nothing in the lore of the show explicitly states that Ninjago is the only continent on the planet. 

I HC that there are different parts of the world. its safe to say Ninjago is the main land where a lot of the exciting things happen, but across who knows how long away there are different countries. And Shannon’s family like immigrated to Ninjago, during it’s early years where big contributors and financial support, in building the city. 

but ye this is a mini sode, i came up with. criticism is always welcome! I will be doing bullet notes for Shan and Melody, and maye Gold to since i have an active fic about her that i haven't updated in, forever but yaaaaa. 

till next text post i guess lol                          

[starmy7]

Careful what you wish for Chapter 1

She loses hope she will ever see him again. And even if she does, will he remember her?

Fantasy AU

Main character - Monsta X Kihyn

It all started after I woke up in a hospital. At first I was terrified, confused and I thought I was crazy. Fifth or sixth time it happened I already enjoyed it way much I wanted to admit to myself. But after months and months I was exhausted. I just wanted it to end. But I didn't have the idea how.

Working in a broadcast station was all I ever wanted. My current job was, well, not even close to where I wanted to be. But you have to start from somewhere. And oh boy, I started straight from the bottom.

I am a staff assistant. So not even staff on its own, but their assistant. Yeah, you guessed it right. There wasn't lower position than mine. I do whatever I am told, and that basically means I run those errands no one wants to.

But I can't complain. All I need is to work hard and I know I will progress and get that dream job one day. Also, seeing handsome idols every day at work is something I never get tired off. Even though I just pass them water or towels, collect their mics and other minor jobs I actually get to see them up close.

Or I could be deceiving myself. I can't even tell lately. My life has gotten to its lowest point and I have been walking around miserable, with no actual friends, boyfriend or money. And seeing idols up close did get boring at one point.

Mostly because they don't mind me at all. It's like I don't even exist. If I do make eye contact with some of them it looks like they are looking straight through me.

I'm sick of this. They all act like I don't exist, but I just wish we could be closer, I'm sure we would get along so well.  I'm a human being too, you pretentious little... I grab the towel that someone threw at me and start kicking and hitting the air out of frustration.

Loud bang and before I could do anything, huge speaker was falling right at me.

And that was the last thing I remember before waking up in that hospital room.

My face is washed and I'm in soft pajamas, snuggled in warm bed with new episode of drama on, happy that I'll get to sleep in tomorrow since I got few days off.

At some point I doze off, yawning so hard my whole mouth is wide open and my eyes shut. I stretch my whole body and open my eyes again.

"You had a long day today, huh?"

"Yeah, you can't even imagine how tired I am right now."

Wait. Who am I talking to?

I rub my eyes and take a look around me.

This is not my room.

I look at the other side and jump out of the bed from shock.

"Hey,  what are you doing?! Get back to bed and go to sleep. It's already late."

I rub my eyes again and shake my head. He's still there. Tall and skinny with milky white skin, high bridged nose and round lips.

He catches me starring and smiles, his lips getting rectangular shape and his eyes squinting.

"I know you like me but let's not make it that obvious."

"K...K...Ken" I somehow stutter and point my index finger in his direction.

"Ken? You never call me that." Confusion is on his face but it quickly fades.

"For you I'm Jaehwani oppa" he says it cutely and turns the lights off. "Now go to sleep."

And just like that he shuts the door, leaving me alone lying in what I suppose is his bed.

The next morning I woke up in my bed. It was all a dream I was telling myself just because how crazy it sounded.

Until the next time. And let me tell you, my reaction was even worse than the first time, because I was pretty sure I have gone crazy.

By the fifth time I got used to it. It was then when I met Rap Monster. Or Namjoon how he told me to call him. We spent the whole night talking and drinking, laughing and reading poetry to each other.  

It was always one idol per week. All the same. I get ready to sleep, and just when I yawn, I open my eyes and puff, I'm in their rooms. They act completely chill, talk with me a little and then put me to sleep. I'm always their best friend, but what's interesting is that I always have a different name. At first I was correcting them but they just ended up telling me not to joke and went on with that name. So I let them. I wanted to be their friend even with different name, so I pretended it didn't matter.

After few months and various idols I met, Namjoon appeared next to me again. I was out from happiness.  After we spent that beautiful night together, all I wanted was to meet him again.

But, he called me different name than the last time we were together. When I told him about all the things we did and what we talked about he told me I was crazy for making it up.

And then was when I realised. After I go to bed they completely forget about me. Like I never existed in their lives before. Well, the truth was I have never been part of their lives, so I don't know what made me think otherwise? Just because I spent half an hour with them, or that they called me their best friend we were actually friends?

No. I was there for these mere few hours a night, and after that it was like I never existed.

Another few months have passed and I was tired of this. I just wanted to make it stop, somehow cancel this crazy thing that was going on, but I had no idea what started it, yet alone how to stop it.

And that takes me to tonight and what I believe is the beginning of the end to this.

Always the same routine, I get ready to bed, yawn and I'm there.

I open my eyes and see unfamiliar dorm.

"You're sure you want the upper bed? You always sleep down."

He's right. I hate bunk beds because I have this crazy fear I will roll over and fall down.

I turn my head to side to see who it is tonight.

I'm met with small face with pointy chin and prominent cheekbones. His raven black hair is ruffled and parted in middle. His face is bare, glistening under the room light.

"Yeah... I would like to sleep down if it's not a problem." I shyly say after I take the time to admire his face.

"Sure, not a problem at all." He smiles and steps away from the bed frame, leaving me space to get down.

Once I'm on the ground I notice he's not that tall, and rather skinny, but his eyes shine so bright and his smile is so wide it keeps me mesmerized.

I carefully turn around and bend to get into the lower bed when he grabs my hand.

"Hey, Y/N, is everything okay?" His voice is gentle and concerned, so melodic that I almost miss what he just said.

"How did you just call me?"

"Y/N. Why?" Dark haired boy seems even more concerned now.

My name. It's the first time someone called me by my name. But what is this supposed to mean?

"Are you not feeling well? Do you want me to get you something?" His concern is so touching, I don't know why but I have this weird feeling, I say to myself looking at the guy in front of me who's now holding me carefully with both of his hands.

Kihyun-ah come on, hurry up! someone is shouting from outside the room.

I'm coming in five. Kihyun responds and turns his attention back on me.

Suddenly I feel dizzy and my body is becoming heavy, my tongue twisted and I find it hard to stand. It feels like someone is not allowing me to stay awake. Kihyun carefully puts me to bed, never letting go of my hand.

"I'm sad. There is people all around me but I feel so lonely."

Kihyun tightens his grip on my palm and I feel his soft skin against mine. His hand is not that bigger than mine, but it fits perfectly. He holds it with so much care and delicacy, that there's growing heat in pit of my stomach.

"You're not lonely, you have me. Whatever it is, you can tell me Y/N."

My eyelids start to shut and I feel light. My brain is working but the words I want to say don't get out.

"Next time. I will tell you next time." I hazily say. "Just promise me one thing."

"Anything you want" Kihyun softly says, his tender voice lulls me to sleep even more.

"You'll remember."

"Remember what?" Kihyun's confused but doesn't raise his voice. He sits next to me, carefully listening to my words.

"Just remember me."

Chapter 2

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A/N: Any kind of feedback is welcome, so don’t hesitate to send me an ask! Tell me what you think so I can improve. Also, hit follow, it means a lot!

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