#won't stop me from doing the exercises. bcs let's face it i probably need them for other reasons. but yeah.

[racke7]

My internet has been investigated by a professional.

There might be something weird with the big cables (to quote the guy: the "inner-pair" and "outer-pair" of the eight-cables are of different lengths, but by all accounts still work just fine), but my own equipment has at least passed (no extra-fine for crying wolf for me).

The weird stability-thing continues to be weird. And current test is for them to switch my internet-provider (internet-provider has a use-contract with the cable-operators, who are the ones investigating) over the weekend. See if the problem is on that end.

It's possible that this is the case (at which point I guess I'll try to switch permanently), or that it's that weird cable-length resulting in the problem (which is... a whole different can of worms).

[bluedandylyon]

That first locker scene and how it perfectly encapsulates Catra and Adora's trauma dynamic

NGH I've been wanting to talk about a particular screenshot in this scene for a while and I guess today is the day. Let's talk about Catradora's introduction post-exercise.

We start here, with them joking around after training. They're at ease with each other, but also Catra doesn't feel as vulnerable as to uncross her arms or get closer to her. This is a person who likes Adora but won't be super explicit about showing it. Adora obviously feels comfortable, her arms are crossed but it's because of uncontrollable laughter and her eyes are closed, showing trust.

Shadow Weaver calls Adora's name and you can immediately tell the ease is gone.

Adora feels the need to stand at attention, slightly scared about being caught relaxing. This is a person Adora respects.

Catra does not respect Shadow Weaver, so she locks eyes with her and doesn't stand up, her crossed-arms giving her a sense of safety and protection.

But Catra is still scared of Shadow Weaver, so she does end up standing up, just later. She also refuses to salute. Her defiance against her abuser comes out in small gestures like this, but ultimately she will obey because of the fear of punishment.

Adora wants to keep Catra safe while still maintaining her some-what comfortable position in the system. She does this by trying to show SW that Catra is worthy. She has the flawed belief that if she just tries hard enough, SW will change her mind about Catra and start treating her well.

Meanwhile Catra is pissed at what she sees as Adora pitying her. She does not want her help, it makes her feel condescended. She has always seen Adora get recognized for everything, so when she re-directs the praise SW gives her, Catra just sees it as humble bragging. "Oh you get praised for everything so now that you don't need the praise, you're second-hand giving it to me even though you just told me I was lazy and immature for not doing the exercise properly so I know you don't really mean it."

Adora's tactic (obviously) doesn't work (bc SW's hate for Catra is so internalized), and she's upset by the degradation SW's giving Catra, knowing it will really hurt her best friend. Catra is visibly hurt and frustrated...

...But she doesn't want to show SW her words hurt and actually cut deep, so she tries making a joke.

Adora is worried for her bc she knows how SW reacts to being talked-back to. And she knows Catra knows too. This is the face of someone who is thinking "why are you doing this to yourself?" Adora has probably being told by SW that she is only abusive towards Catra because she is disobedient and insolent. So unfortunately she has internalized the narrative that Catra is somewhat doing it to herself. She most likely thinks that if Catra just did as she was told and behaved, she wouldn't get treated like this.

This, THIS is the screenshot that started this whole-ass rambling. It's just perfect.

Not only do you get the obvious foreshadowing that Catra will be “enveloped in shadows” for most of the show (trauma-based downward spiral), it also shows that these "shadows" (trauma) are from SW. You also get from her expression that she is so freaking angry, but she looks away because she is (understandably) scared. She is not only angry at SW, but also at herself bc of her fear of punishment, she feels weak and pathetic.

You also get Adora’s passivity at the abuse. She looks scared for her, but isn’t willing to step in to stop it. This is abuse that has become so normalized that she is scared about the inevitability of it happening, but isn’t willing to do more than to check in with Catra after it happened bc of her safety in the system and bc she partially blames Catra for it. (She tells Catra "you are kind of disrespectful" when Catra later asks what SW's problem is with her)

Adora’s face is “I am scared for you, please don’t talk back to her bc you know things will get worse for you.” It’s the face of anticipation, of hundreds of times where Catra was punished in front of her and was told "You need to keep her under control" and understanding she failed to do that.

SW tells Adora to walk with her, and she immediately releases Catra and is excited about the inevitable praise she will be getting. Catra obviously is very distressed at the sudden departure without even looking back.

Adora realizes she was going to leave before checking if Catra was okay, so she stops in her tracks.

Catra's ears IMMEDIATELY perk up, begrudgingly feeling nice that Adora looked back.

Adora's expression is a question "are you okay?"

Catra shrugs: "not really, but it's fine"

Adora seems satisfied with this, so she feels okay leaving now.

Catra's expression makes me AUGH bc it's this "I really don't want you to go. I know I said I was fine but I'm actually really not and I could really use comfort (hence the crossed-off arms) but I can't tell you that bc I dont want you to think I'm weak and you need to go so whatever."

This scene is so freaking clever. While dialogue is important, you can tell SO much from their expressions and body language. It just perfectly encapsulates their trauma responses and how their dynamic changes when their abuser is present. It just also shows that their relationship was ALWAYS going to break bc of the rift SW created between them. Their communication is extremely faulty here, even though you can see how deep they know each other (esp in the silent check-in scene).

Anyway these two make me go RAH as per usual.

[sumeshi-t]

✨ self-ship tag game ✨

PART 2 | IwaLee (here you go, discord)

sorry if it's corny/cheesy LMAO my brain empty i can't think of anything to make for iwa's birthday i'm such a dumbass. was also supposed to draw an nsfw-ish thing for this but ya girl is feelin’ out of it lately sjhfalhj

How we met:

okay let’s just say i’m smart enough to land myself a scholarship in socal since i’m taking physical therapy anyway

i feel like... we would meet in the library LMAO what asian nerds

maybe i’d end up bothering him with the way i’m murmuring anatomy stuff and talking to myself when studying

so he overhears me struggling to remember that one word and he’s gonna fucking answer for me like okay sorry bud i’m stupid

jk i won’t react like that i’d just be like, “yes!” and turn to look at whoever it was who answered and say thank you because i’m so immersed in my own bubble of “knowledge” and big brain

when i notice that he’s actually cute i’d be fucking red in the ears out of embarrassment when he tells me to tone my voice down lmao so i apologize for being a bother :(

actually says, “don’t mind” damnit his english do be cute. just two asian kids far from home with accents

it’s awkward, but i’d steal glances at what he’s studying. would probably get caught after a looong while, but it’s bc i’ll be blanking off, brain tired

“do you have anything you want to ask?” he’ll be dropping his pen over his notes leaning back and stretching, bending his neck, rolling his shoulders while waiting for my answer

“omg i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to stare.” then i ask what his program is just bc he could be in one of my classes and i didnt know

anyway, turns out our schedules were pretty similar, we live in the same area/dorm, so like there’s always a chance for us to meet somehow

we wouldn’t give numbers to eo on that same day; like give it about two weeks of constantly bumping into eo before that happens

watch me share my highlighters with him, exchanging notes, passing some snacks beneath the table like its weed or sumn

from lib meetings to getting lunch together to being invited to watch his games (in freshman year i’d still go because i’d be less busier)

i would definitely use the honorifics on him, from “iwaizumi-san” gradually to “iwa-kun”; he won't admit that he likes it because it's a little piece of home

would convince to practice palpation with him because his body is a perfect example–

"wh-why don't you ask someone from your class?"

"i'm not that close with—are you blushing? omg you are!"

somehow i joke around, "i won't touch your dick," then i'd laugh at his reaction.

anyway, in return for using his body as a model, i have to sit through a godzilla marathon with him

the first time he sees me breakdown from the stress he's kinda flustered at first; but he's seen similar things with oikawa so he has a faint idea what to do. damn his hugs feel so warm, so safe

i'm quicker to open up to him, once i got comfortable; and reassurance that if he needed someone to talk to i'll also be there

basically a slow burn best friends to lovers kinda thing

ngl i'd be crushing on him by the time we're entering second year maybe? but because we're friends i always throw the thought away because i don't wanna ruin what we have

but da heart wants what it wants

it would take: the teasing of his buddies back at japan after seeing him post ig pics of us together (it was me who did it, i grabbed his phone); and, my own set of friends getting annoyed at me for always being in denial—all these just for us to finally come into terms with what we feel for eo

"i have something to tell you," we'll say to eo before we enter the lib ksksksk

"oh, you go first-" "no, you-"

it's awkward but i'll be the first to confess and he's 👁👁

"you... what?" "smh don't make me say it again, iwa. does this mean we're not friends anymore?"

"yeah"

"oh..."

"because i like you too. you... wanna go out with me?"

First date x type of dates:

study dates are automatically a thing for sure; we've upgraded from lib to cafe dates

since we're like, friends before this, potential stuff for first dates are already crossed out since we've kinda done them already???

so this issue was raised and his mind said, "then let's redo everything,"

the first thing we did outside campus was go on a foodtrip. because i was craving filo food, and he was craving jap food. and then i have this kinda habit that when i get to eat something delicious, i silently squeal or hum in my seat he finds that cute

the "first date" doesn't really have to be grand because we're like... close friends with feelings. so we don't have to try hard to please each other. everything just feels natural when we're together

anyway, we try out the food we didn't have before. he still prefers sinigang over adobo. he's still kinda amazed where i put all the food after eating a bowl of ramen that's good for two

he's gonna take a pic of me in that excited face i make when the food is placed before me and make it his wallpaper (homescreen) secretly

after that, we're just walking, me telling him about something i watched or nerd talk, then he slips his hand against mine, holding it and pulling me closer that it makes me shut up–so he laughs

"that's all it takes to get you quiet, babe?"

"w-what? also... did you just call me babe? because i didn't think i'd like it,"

"i know something you'll like," he stops walking, then, with his free hand he cups my face and pulls in for a kith kith 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

i am blushing when i tell him, "that your first kiss?"

"y-yeah, why?"

"same"

we were already walking and he swoops in for a quick peck again, "then that's the second,"

he says that with a little frown on his face, cheeks also flushed and ugh soft!lee—i lean my head against his arm because i'm too short to put it above his shoulder. but anyway i tell him, "didn't think you had it in you to be this soft for me,"

"sh-shut up"

it doesn't seem romantic because ✨it doesn't have to be when we're already happy✨

While we’re dating:

he saves all the selfies i send him; whether it's the meme-ish ones or just me feelin' good about myself he's got them saved

notebooks getting interchanged kskskss it's terrible because one minute i'm reading my notes about pharma, then i flip a page and i see stuff about sports science like–???

tho what makes it cute is that he has tiny scribbles on corners in hiragana or maybe kanji and some random zigzag lines over some words–a sign that he fell asleep with a pen in his hand

i have lots of caps (that are majority of my dad's but i like them all so i brought sum) and he just... gets one from behind my door (it's the same energy as the hoodies thing)

and i 🥺 bc he actually looks good in caps like??? sir that's illegal

ok but walks in the beach at sunset

also surfer!iwa???? mhhhh yes yes living the dream honestly

ofc volleyball is involved, he's kinda pleased i can play decently. it's either the gym or vb

he would force me to go to the gym smh "you're a PT aren't you? shouldn't you be moving around too?" i'm gonna grumble but the sight of his er, toned body before during and after exercising is the best reward

actually its a win-win, he likes how my butt is outlined by my jog pants and how for him, i still look good even if i'm sweaty all over

hehe we'd end up getting horny by the time we reach the dorms–you know the rest and afterwards:

"so, you'll go to the gym more often now?"

"if it ends up like this, i wouldn't mind,"

we teach eo our mother language! but only on our spare time. omg imagine him telling me "mahal na mahal kita"??? i'm??? or when he's chatting with oikawa (especially that one time he sent a selfie of him and ushijima) he uses tagalog swear words if he just wants to mess with his best friend

vidcalls with each other's fam—i mean, for my parents they know we've been always close, and like, it will be my grandma/dad who'd ask him, "when will you court my granddaughter/daughter?"

he got so nervous, he stuttered, "i'm... i'm courting her already,"

anyway they approve of him because he is smart^TM and a good man 🥺 because they know he has ambitions in life the same way that i do have my own goals i wanna achieve

meanwhile me, i'm gonna be so nervous trying to speak to his fam, but they're all so sweet so i tell him afterwards, "so that's where you get the softies,"

anyway since this is college we're talking about, every passing year, we both become busy, especially when internships come around

but when he can, he'll fetch me from the hospital with comfort food because he knows it's been a rough day and he wants to make sure i'm taking care of myself 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 lowkey i try to do the same for him because he deserves it; but he says it's okay and that i should be preserving my energy for my studies 😭