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khimmortal · 7 years

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skinny love | one

skinny love (n.) - when two people are in love with each other but didn’t want to admit it, not even to themselves

pairing: jeon jungkook x reader (ft. kim taehyung)

genre: college!au/high school!au; fluff (slight angst)

word count: 6.1k

a/n: my first attempt at writing after a loooooong while and my very first attempt at long plots/multichap and non-anime fic. i’m so sorry if this is all over the place plot-wise and writing-wise :( they’re all about the same age here, btw

Summary: Of what-ifs and regrets and lost bonds and missed chances.

"You really need to stop sulking all the time.”

Jeon Jungkook looked up from his seat by the window at the secluded corner of the university library. He was staring at the scenery outside when the voice interrupted his reverie. He sighed.

“What do you want?” He blankly asked.

The girl just rolled her eyes at him, “Namjoon and Seokjin are looking all over for you. Apparently, you skipped your class again.”

Jungkook just rolled his eyes, “It’s none of your business.”

“It’s not. I don’t really care, you know. But Namjoon has stuff to do so he asked me a favour to look for you because only god knows why those boys care about you.”

He glared at her, mouth thinning to a line.

The girl only glared back, “One of the few guys who can effortlessly ace his classes is actually a bastard who takes it for granted and does not give a fuck.” She sneered at him. He glared harder.

She turned around and was on her way to the door when she stopped and said, “Get your ass back to class or you’ll get dropped by Mr. Choi from his class.”

He’s an ass.

Jeon Jungkook would always be an ass no matter how much time has passed.

On the other hand, if that guy’s an ass, then you’re an idiot. You’re an idiot for thinking that maybe, just maybe, after five long years of knowing each other he would soften up.

Ugh. Bastard.

Five years ago

You glanced at your watch for the nth time. More than an hour has passed and still no sign of Kim Taehyung. You were planning to go to the bookstore to buy highlighters. He asked if he could come. You both promised to meet at the train station at exactly 10a.m.

I swear to God I’m gonna castrate that boy, childhood friendship be damned.

Fifteen minutes after, you were huffing and cursing your childhood friend because he’s still not answering his phone and you finally decided to just continue on your way when all of a sudden, a hand clamped on your shoulder.

You froze for a second before abruptly turning around to see that boxy grin you knew all too well.

You were just about to open your mouth with a string of curses and other things when he said, “Hey, Y/N! I’m so, so sorry for being late! Don’t be mad.” His hands were clasped together, his form hunched, and he has that hesitant grin on his face but you could see the fear in his eyes.

You could feel your irritation at him draining away. You shook your head and sighed—he took a step back and you almost smiled. “Whatever. I almost castrated you if you were a minute later, just so you know.”

Taehyung straightened up and put his arm on your shoulder, leading you towards the mall, “Luck is on my side then. Besides, I didn’t mean to be late. An old friend suddenly came over without warning and no one was at home so I had to clean up and allow him to settle. He’s staying with us from now on.”

You raised a brow at this, “At your dorm? I thought you don’t accept ‘outsiders’ aside from you six?”

He laughed at what you said, “You’re making it seem like we’re anti-social. We have other friends, you know. We just like to stick together. Anyhoo, this guy has been our friend even back then, way back to our diaper days in our old town. I even knew him before you, Y/N.”

You were surprised at this, because you’ve known Taehyung since third grade when his family moved to the city. However, during the first year of high school, five guys came from his old town—his brothers in everything except by blood, he told you—to study in and settle in the city. They all decided to stay at one place they call their dorm.

Those guys are the coolest bunch you’ve met though. Their attitude clashed with one another but at the same time, they complimented each other so well. You became close to them because of Taehyung, because of how he always dragged you to their place to hang out. It’s been years since then. You’re all seniors now.

“Really? Why didn’t you mention him before?”

Taehyung’s smile faltered a bit and you pretended not to notice, “He cut off all his ties with us until last week. He was supposed to move here with the others during the start of high school but his parents decided to migrate to the States. They took him with them.”

“Oh.” You didn’t ask for more. You understood that despite being childhood friends, there were things that you don’t share with each other. Especially with your personalities.

“He has a good reason for what he did. It may sound cheesy but I’m just really glad we’re complete again.” He continued.

You could hear the relief in his voice. You knew how strong their bond is so you’re curious about this new boy who’s suddenly barging in their lives (again, it seemed) and Taehyung was anything but mad. He was even relieved, happy even.

Two days after, you couldn’t wait until Math’s over and it hasn’t even started yet because who the hell decided to invent such thing. You used to be good at this until someone decided numbers weren’t enough so let’s put the alphabet to make things more interesting.

You were already dozing off at your seat near the back by the window when your teacher announced that there’s a new student. All heads perked up, suddenly interested.

“This is Jeon Jungkook, everyone. He’s our new senior.”

You’re not really the type to gush over guys, and good looks don’t sway you anymore because come on, being friends with Kim Taehyung—you didn’t want to admit it but the guy looks ethereal—made you like that. Add to that that those guys he’s living with weren’t normal-looking guys either, not at all.

Girls tend to either befriend you or hate you because you’re close with them. Although, that’s another story you’re not really inclined to dwell on.

To say that this guy in front of the classroom looked good would be the biggest understatement.

If the screams and squeals of almost all the girls in your class weren’t proof of that then it’s probably their sighs and giggles.

He has dark, doe-like eyes that looked like they’re gonna swallow you whole. He has an aristocratic nose, thin lips, fair skin—god, why do these men have better skin than she has—lean body, and topping it off with golden brown hair that covered his forehead and almost reaching his eyes.

You were too busy staring that you didn’t hear anyone, not the whispering of your classmates, or your teacher’s words, “we have a faculty meeting so this period’s free, okay? Don’t loiter around and don’t be noisy.” She turned to Jungkook, “Mr. Jeon, go take a seat next to Y/N over there,” she pointed at the vacant seat beside yours.

His gaze shifted to you and you were taken aback by the intensity of his eyes.

You weren’t fond of eye contact but his stare was just too intense you couldn’t look away. He started heading your way without breaking eye contact.

You unconsciously moved a bit farther from his seat—something inside you screams danger and feelings when you look at this guy. You didn’t want any of those.

He was about to sit beside you when you managed to divert your gaze. You turned your head towards the window, trying to act as if it wasn’t the first time a guy has managed to make your heart beat a little bit faster than normal. It’s as if his presence wasn’t intimidating you—urging something inside of you to run away and hide from those dark eyes.

You could feel his stare and you almost got up from your chair because it was just too much. This wasn’t you; you weren’t the type to be affected by someone, much else merely by their presence.

“Hey, JK! Did you make sure to lock the doors?” Taehyung’s voice interrupted your thoughts, it also made Jeon Jungkook’s stare to shift from you. You looked over at Taehyung, sitting two seats away from you.

“Yeah,” answered the boy beside you. His voice is in contrast with his piercing eyes.

Taehyung smirked, “Welcome to this school, man.” He then turned to you, “Hey Y/N! This is Jungkook, our old buddy. JK, this is Y/N, my oldest, lovely, annoying friend here in the city. She’s also close with the guys, by the way.”

You rolled your eyes, “Geez, thanks. Look who’s talking; Am I really the annoying one, Tae?”

Taehyung just laughed out loud, “I know you love me either way.”

You can see Jungkook switching his gaze from between you and Taehyung from the corner of your eyes.

Jimin bounded over, clapping both Jungkook and Taehyung on their backs and giving you a wide smile. “Let’s order pizza later, guys! It’s the first day of school!” He then turned to you, “you should come over, Y/N. Someone has to beat Taehyung up when he’s getting annoying.”

“Hey!” Taehyung protested and you just giggled. “Why are we celebrating out first day of school? That’s just crazy, Chim.” You pointed out.

Jimin just beamed even more, “it’s also to celebrate our reunion with Kookie here.” He explained, slinging an arm around Jungkook’s shoulders.

“As long as there’s free food, I’m in. Can we also please get ice cream?” You gave your you-can’t-resist-me-because-I’m-the-only-girl-in-your-circle smile

Taehyung was the one to answer, “Of course, Your Highness! Anything else you want?”

You stuck your tongue at him, “That’s all, slave.”

“Why don’t you guys date already?” Jimin asked innocently.

If you weren’t so used to that same old question, you would have blushed to the roots of your hair; but it’s been years since they’ve been teasing you both. You just shrugged, went with the flow, “I don’t know. Maybe it’s because it’s Kim Taehyung and I’ve known him since he used to cry when he scraped his knees?”

Taehyung just laughed out loud, “Ouch! Man, I just got childhood friendzoned again.”

Jimin shook his head at your bickering, he turned to Jungkook, “I’m never gonna be sure if they’re love birds or cats and dogs.”

“Ah.” Jungkook said, looking at the both of you.

As days turned to weeks turned to months, you found out that Jeon Jungkook was almost a genius. He managed to land himself the second spot in your year level ranking. He surpassed you and Jimin, and was right behind the resident genius, Kim Namjoon.

To be honest, it was frustrating because the goddamn boy was just good at everything—best at everything. He’s good at sports—giving Yoongi a hard time at basketball. He has a black belt in taekwondo, trained at bowling, a swimmer, and many others. The guy probably didn’t have anything he couldn’t do.

Not to mention, his good looks. The whole time since he got here, girls swooned at him. They kept on asking him out, batting their eyelashes at him, giggling and squealing whenever he’s around.

However, he has never shown any interest towards the opposite gender. He’s mostly apathetic towards everyone especially those girls. He’s not rude, though. He just turns them down politely but with that reservation that you somehow started to associate with him.

He only ever showed other emotion when he’s with Taehyung and the others. You managed to see him smirk whenever he beat Taehyung at games or when he’s teasing Jimin. You once saw him bicker with Seokjin, laugh at Hoseok’s antics, and played with Yoongi with that carefreeness you never thought he could have. A voice inside you thought that this was probably the real him, still laid-back but carefree and having fun. Something tugged at your heart seeing how much he cared for them—this guy who’s indifferent to others. All these moments you witnessed from the sidelines, whenever you’re hanging out with the guys.

You’re not exactly friends with him, aside from the usual nod or wave or small smiles of recognition whenever you see each other. Despite being a frequent visitor in their dorm and the boys being your main circle of friends, you’ve never really interacted with him—not that either of you ever tried anyway.

Your first real interaction with him came one mundane school day, when your Chemistry teacher, Ms. Go decided she wanted to divide the class into pairs for her subject’s final research paper.

Groans and complaints filled the room because research papers were no joke, especially with how fastidious and critical your teacher was. “This is a head start for you when you make research papers and thesis papers in college or post-graduate studies,” you heard her explain. “This paper will comprise 25% of your grade. Proposals should be passed Monday next week. If I were you, I’d start making a time frame right away to make sure you have enough time for the experimentation, which is crucial since you might not succeed the first time. Also, you need time for the paper itself. I expect real stuff, everyone. Even the related literature must be taken seriously. Three weeks from now, you will have to submit the introduction part. This is no ordinary paper; you will have to defend your work after you submit the final paper. So now, for the partners…” she started calling out names of pairs.

You weren’t fond of long paper works; much less scientific research papers; but you know you love this subject and that your teacher’s right and you’ve got to start preparing and learning as much as you can if you wanted to survive college and get into a medical school right after.

So you just sat back on your seat, listening as your teacher assigned the class into pairs, “Min Yoongi and Jung Hoseok,” you smiled before hearing, “Aw, man. We’re screwed.” Hoseok groaned out.

“Why do you do this to us, Ma’am?” Yoongi whined at your teacher.

Both of them hated anything related to academics. Yoongi just wanted to make music and play basketball while Hoseok just wanted to dance. You’re pretty sure they’re gonna ask either Namjoon or Jimin or even you to help them.

“Kim Taehyung and Park Jimin,” you looked over to see Taehyung throwing his fist in the air. “Yes! We got this, Jiminie,” he chirped. Jimin just shook his head with a smile on his lips, “Yeah, of course.”

Your teacher continued to call out names, “Kim Namjoon and Kim Seokjin.” You giggled. This paper would be a piece of cake for those two, especially for Namjoon. That guy’s a walking genius. You saw them gave each other a high five. “We should eat steak while doing our paper.” Seokjin suggested, Namjoon just laughed and said, “Let’s ace this thing.”

You straightened up when your name got called out, “Y/N and Jeon Jungkook.” You stilled. You didn’t expect to be paired up with him. Your teacher finished dividing the class.

She continued on discussing the paper, “Make sure to work together with your partner! It’s gonna lessen the load and in a way, form a bond with the person you were paired up with. Good luck!” She ended, while beaming at the class.

You turned to Jungkook beside you, “Hey. We’re stuck with each other, huh?” you awkwardly started. Someone had to do it anyway. He looked at you, and you were shocked to see a small smile on his lips, it was just a little lift of the corner of his lips but it’s directed at you and you’re quite sure your heart skipped a beat. Snap out of it, girl

“Seems like it,” he said. Taehyung suddenly interjected, “Hey Jungkookie, take care of my baby, okay?” She’s not really good with people in general.” You rolled your eyes. “Please. You know I’m a big girl and a social butterfly, Tae.”

He snorted. “As if. Social butterfly, my ass. You’ll probably be all awkward and do all the work by yourself,” he jibed at you.

“Shut up. Whatever.” You huffed, although you know he’s right. You’re not really good when it came to socializing—maybe it’s just the way you were but a part of you knew it’s because you grew up with Taehyung and getting close to the guys. It unconsciously made a barrier between you and other people. No one dared to get close to you due to their aura; and even if someone tried, it’s mostly to get close to the guys. Most girls were like that.

They’re not really interested to be your friend. It kinda hurt at first. However, you managed to learn to be happy with what you have (those guys are your precious people) and not be affected by what others thought of you. You also learned not to trust easily—even if that’s not really a good thing, in a way.

Taehyung’s about to say something more when Jungkook piped in “Don’t worry. I got her.”

He’s just talking about the stupid paper but the delusional you thought otherwise. It probably didn’t show on your face but your heart’s fluttering at his words.

After a few seconds, you just brushed it off, the side of you who’s impenetrable to such petty feelings; that part who’s only ambitious and wanted to be a doctor more than everything else, taking over. You changed the topic, turning once again to Jungkook, “We can search for feasible topics and just compile them. Then, we can just pick the most plausible ones and submit them,” you suggested.

Jungkook thought about it for a second before nodding, “Yeah, we can do that. Once a topic gets approved, we can start working on the Introduction right away.” He agreed.

From your peripheral view, you saw Taehyung returning to his seat, but not before muttering ‘nerds’, and then engaging Jimin in a conversation. You focused back to Jungkook, “It’s settled then. We can work in the library for our paper; we can have access to science journals if we just ask the librarian for our school account.”

He just nodded again, before saying something that made you laugh. “Should we also get steak while doing our paper?”

“I prefer pizza instead, with lots of cheese and bacon.” You proposed. He smirked then, and you have to admit that he really looked good. “Don’t forget buffalo wings.”

You just laughed again. You didn’t expect it would be this easy to talk to him. “Well, I think that’s our game plan,” you held out your hand, “…to acing our research paper.” He looked at your held-out hand before lifting his and grasping yours—his hand was big and rough. He shook your hand, “We’re gonna beat Namjoon at this, I’m sure of it.”

It wasn’t much but after this light (first) conversation, you didn’t know it then but it was the start of something that cannot be stopped.

Surprisingly, you found yourself spending more and more time with him. Things were going smoothly, your teacher nodding at both of you in approval when you passed the Introduction part of your paper three weeks after since you’ve been paired up.

He’s mostly quiet, was usually the one who listened as you chattered about something mundane and trivial. You’re one to talk for a long time, if you feel comfortable with the person. Despite being reserved, he still managed to respond to your stories, throwing a comment here and there, even giving advices sometimes when you rant about something.

It’s never a one-sided conversation. There were days when he’s sharing bits of himself, which still managed to surprise you.

One time, you found out that he’s afraid of microwaves—you burst out laughing, incredulous because being scared of microwaves is so weird—‘I always worry whether or not they will explode'.

Another thing was that he really loved his sleep. He hated it when someone wakes him up. Also, there’s this fact that he liked to sleep without clothes on—how you found this one out, you tried to bury from your mind.

There were times when he would tease you just to annoy you; there were times when he would play a prank on you. You both pick on Taehyung and Jimin though, annoying them both.

It turned out; Jeon Jungkook wasn’t one to make friends easily. He’s shy and awkward especially with girls. He wouldn’t open up easily to someone unless he’s okay with your personality. Jimin once said, “You’re so awesome, Y/N. You wormed your way towards Jungkookie’s heart in such a short time. It even took us a while before he opened up to us.” You dismissed his words right after.

However, there were moments when you could feel Jungkook distancing himself from you. It’s not outright, no; you would see him stiffening—it’s almost imperceptible but you’re good at reading people—as if realizing something before subtly moving away by an inch. Sometimes, he would put his arm around your shoulders but after a couple of seconds, he would remove it as if the gesture was unintended.

There were times when he’s too quiet; when he’s too reserved, too guarded. There were these moments but you didn’t say anything. Besides, such moments were rare. You dismissed them as him wanting his personal space.

Time passed by quickly and it’s almost time to pass your final paper. You’re almost done with the paper but it’s the defence that’s getting to your nerves. You’re worrying about the fact that there’s a panel who’s gonna ask questions. It wasn’t really the questions but the part that you have to make eye contact and actually answer them face to face.

You’re on your second cup of coffee at Starbucks with Jungkook, trying to finish the manuscript. You glanced at him, sipping from your caramel macchiato, “I think we need to find another RRL. I feel like what we have isn’t enough. “you pointed out.

He looked up from typing on his laptop, “What we have is the most in-depth and most thorough from what we researched. It’s also the most recent in our database, and even online. I think it’s enough,” he assured you.

“I know. Just… it still feels like it’s lacking something.”

He took a sip from his Americano and said, “It’s relevant and directly related. There are gaps and weaknesses, true but we can put that in the review. It’s all good, Y/N. Stop overthinking. They won’t have a problem about it during the defence.”

He looked at you pointedly. He could see through you and your worries. Only a few months since you became friends and this guy could already read you like an open book. It’s touching and disconcerting at the same time.

You sighed. He’s probably right. You needed to stop panicking and just finish this goddamn paper.

In the months that passed by, you and Jungkook fell into a routine together.

You still mostly hung out with all of the guys in their dorm, playing games, eating, or just lazing around. Although, when most of them got tired and went back to their rooms, you and Jungkook usually were left behind. You would just talk, play games, or watch movies.

One time, you fell asleep on his shoulder while watching a comedy film because you were too tired—your periodic exams just finished and you stayed up all night the day before. You woke up and realized that the movie was over—the TV was off—but more than that, Jungkook didn’t move from his position. He was fast asleep but you woke up with your head still on his shoulder.

Another time, you were doing an experiment in the lab, some of your hair escaped the hair tie you tied it with and it almost got caught in a fire. You couldn’t fix it because your gloved hands were soaked with various chemicals. You were shocked when someone, Jungkook, pushed your hair out of the way. He asked you to turn around so that he could fix your hair. He freaking put it in a braid.

Your classmates saw what happened and both of you were bombarded with questions and teasing remarks. You and Jungkook just ignored all of them—acting as if it nothing happened.

“Oh, that’s so sweet!” a girl cooed.

“Awww, I want a boyfriend like that.”

“Are you guys dating?”

You also saw the knowing grins that Jimin and Hoseok shared with one another. Yoongi and Seokjin were smirking and Namjoon was just giving you a knowing look. Taehyung looked amused but he went back to his experiment right away.

Jungkook’s the first one you went to when you wanted to go or try something new—like that new Chinese restaurant that served those mouth-watering xiaolongbao for an affordable price.

Or that really cheap but really good ramen place found in a sketchy area full of foreigners who wanted to get drunk or have a ‘fun’ night.

Or that café that served your favourite butterbeer and cheesecake.

He never admitted to her out loud but for someone who didn’t like going out, he found it enjoying to try all these new places. He would never know if it wasn’t for her.

If only you knew how much he had fun and found it refreshing. Of the new places or the companion, he didn’t know. What he knew was that it tended to steer him to uncharted territories he’s not too inclined to explore—at least not yet.

You and Jungkook aced the defence and managed to get first place for having the best research in your class. You couldn’t help yourself so you threw your arms around his neck, hugging him while squealing. “Oh my god, we actually did it! We freaking aced it!” You gushed.

He was smirking, wrapping his arms around you. “Yeah, I told you so.” He said proudly.

You detached yourself from him, still beaming. “We should celebrate! Let’s eat our favourite ribs” You managed to find this restaurant who served ribs that both of you fell in love with.

He pondered for a moment and you saw hesitation in his eyes, your smile faltered a bit. Were you imposing? You didn’t expect his words though. “Yeah, let’s do that. We can also go the amusement park on Saturday. Since it’s a long weekend and we’re done with school stuff, anyway.” He proposed.

“Okay. That’s a great idea!” You agreed.

You were waiting for the train when you remembered, “Oh, I almost forgot. We should submit our application forms for college next week. I’m also gonna submit application forms for different scholarship programs. I’m almost done with the essays.” You told him.

“Jeez, don’t get overexcited. I’m sure you’ll get a scholarship. I’m also sure you’ll get into the university that you want. You’re gonna own your pre-med course.” He surmised.

You smiled, “Oh stop it. We’re all planning to enter the same university, even Tae and Yoongi. I’m also sure that you’re gonna own that Architecture course that you want to take. I’m looking forward to the future already. We’ll both be successful, I just know it.”

You went home that night feeling proud of what just transpired that day at school, with a full stomach from all the ribs that you ate for dinner.

You couldn’t wait for Saturday.

Neither could he.

You woke up two hours early before you’re set to meet Jungkook at the bus station. He said he had to do something before so you would just meet up there instead of him picking you up. You took your time eating breakfast, taking a bath, and brushing your teeth.

You went to your closet and decided on a black high-waisted shorts, white boxy-cropped top paired with your good ole converse topping it with a black baseball cap. You also brought a coat with you, just in case.

You heard a knock on your door so you made your way downstairs. You were surprised at the person standing on your doorstep.

“What are you doing here? You look all dressed up.”

That boxy grin was plastered on his face, “Hey! I heard you’re going to the amusement park with Jungkook. Can I come? He asked, excited.

You were about to refuse, because this is between you and Jungkook but Taehyung continued, “Please? You don’t hang out much with me anymore.” He’s smiling but you could see the hurt in his eyes.

“I’m not sure…” you hesitated.

He went on, “Don’t worry about JK, I’ll talk to him. Just take me with you, please.”

You reluctantly relented. I just hope this would turn well.

You and Taehyung met up with Jungkook. You didn’t miss the way he was shocked to see Taehyung, or how his brows furrowed. “Hi Kookie!” You greeted, trying to gauge his reaction. You didn’t usually use that nickname on him, unless you’re too happy or wanted to tease him. “Taehyung wanted to hang out and he found out we’re going to the amusement park and insisted to come along. Do you mind?”

He didn’t respond. Taehyung lifted his hand in greeting. “Hey JK! I won’t annoy you, I promise. I haven’t been to the amusement park with you guys before so I’m so stoked.” He chirped.

“Ah, it’s fine.” He replied, before turning around to buy tickets. You rode the bus and you sat between the two of them. Taehyung was chattering animatedly about random things and you listened, giving a comment now and then or rolling your eyes at something he said. On the other hand, Jungkook just kept on staring outside the window, ignoring the both of you.

You knew allowing Taehyung to come was a mistake. Jungkook didn’t like it when things didn’t go as planned, and having Taehyung in your supposed post-defence celebration certainly wasn’t on his mind. However, Kim Taehyung wouldn’t take no for an answer. He even used his card of guilt tripping you on how in the last few months, you were always with Jungkook.

It was true in a way. In the last few months, your friendship with Jungkook developed into something you both didn’t understand. It didn’t change your friendship with the others though, especially with Taehyung. You still did what you used to. You went to the bookstore with him, you ate out with him, and you still hang out with him like before.

You didn’t know what Jungkook was to you. He’s somewhat your best friend—something you never associated with anyone before. You confided in him. You’re most comfortable with him. You ranted to him. You did everything with him. He’s the closest person to you right now. He’s that person to you even if you weren’t sure if he feels the same, not that you’d ever voice it out loud to him anyway.

Even if you didn’t know what you have with Jungkook, Taehyung would still be your childhood friend. He would always have that special place in your heart. He would always be the one who video-called you at 4 o’clock in the morning just to show you his drawings of Vincent Van Gogh. He would always be that person who could drag you to the park at dawn—just to feel that bluishness and quietness. He’s that person who would make funny faces to cheer you up whenever you were feeling down.

Both boys were special to you but you didn’t really know how to deal with them both.

You sighed. This would be a long day.

You’ve always loved extreme rides—the adrenaline rush mostly, and that feeling you get in your stomach whenever you get thrown around in the air.

You’ve ridden almost every extreme ride except for the roller coaster. Taehyung’s afraid of heights but he insisted on riding it with you and sitting beside you and you conceded. You gave Jungkook an apologetic look. He just muttered an ‘it’s fine’ before sitting beside another teen.

You were waiting for the employee to fasten your seatbelt so you turned to glance at Jungkook from the space between your seat and Taehyung’s.

He’s just indifferent to what’s happening around him. He’s been like that the whole day. You still felt guilty. This was your entire fault. You should have promised Taehyung to go here some other time.

Your seatbelts were fastened and the ride was beginning to move when you felt Taehyung’s hand grab yours. He was holding on to it tightly, his eyes closed. You just shook your head, “Don’t you dare puke on me, Kim Taehyung.” You warned him.

He didn’t answer because the ride was too fast and you could feel his hold on your hand getting tighter. You didn’t notice the pair of eyes glaring at your clasped hands.

The ride was over but Taehyung was still holding your hand. He looked pale so you didn’t try to pull it from him. Besides, you’re used to holding his hand since third grade.

The whole time—in the Ferris wheel, except when you ate dinner, on the bus—until the moment you parted with them, Taehyung didn’t let go of your hand. He felt sick with the rides so you just let him.

The whole time someone else was glaring at your entwined hands.

Jungkook didn’t even bother saying a proper goodbye when you parted ways—he just nodded before taking off. He just went ahead, leaving Taehyung behind who gave you a hug and a Thank you, Y/N. Good night.

The Monday after, everything changed.

Jungkook started avoiding you. You didn’t mind it that much at first because you knew what happened last Saturday was your fault. You gave him space like you thought he wanted.

Days passed and he’s still ignoring you. He stopped sitting beside you at lunch. You once asked him to go to your favourite café but he said he’s busy with his college application papers. You found out the day after that he already submitted them last week, a day after you submitted yours—you remembered how he asked you to pass yours already because he hasn’t started his.

It’s been a month and he’s still not talking to you. Not in the way you used to, at least. The boys have started to notice. Jimin asked you during lunch when Jungkook left early to supposedly do some homework in the library. “Did you guys have a fight?”

You just shrugged, picking at your food. You already lost your appetite. Seokjin looked at you and spoke as well, “He’s been in a bad mood for a while now. Did something happen?” You could feel all their gazes at you, you looked up, and you saw concern in their eyes. Your insides felt heavy.

“I don’t know.” You sighed. You finally admitted. You turned to Taehyung, who’s looking at the seat Jungkook just vacated.

You continued. “He’s been like that since we came to the amusement park with Taehyung.” The boys aside from Taehyung just shared a glance with each other, as if realizing something you couldn’t.

You decided to confront Jungkook. He was cooling down from his taekwondo session with his team at the gym. No one else was there so you started, “What’s your problem?”

He looked at you apathetically. This wasn’t the Jungkook you became close with. “What?”

“Are you still mad about what happened in the amusement park? Because I brought Taehyung? Is that why you’re avoiding me?” You accused him.

He glared at you. “Don’t make assumptions. I’m just not in the mood to talk.”

You glared back, “What? You’re just not in the mood? It’s been a month, Jungkook. Aren’t we close friends or something?” It hurt, what he said. It was as if your friendship was nothing to him. As if all of your past interactions were just on his whim.

“Don’t think too much of yourself. The guys are my close friends.” He sneered.

You felt that stabbing feeling in your chest. So it was really all on a whim. You could feel tears in your eyes but you held them in. You would not cry in front of him. “So all those months meant nothing to you, huh? I thought we bonded or shit like Ms. Go said. I thought we had something.”

His lips thinned to a line, his next words cold and harsh. “We’re just research partners who have mutual friends. Probably friends at most. Nothing more.”

You could feel yourself numbing. A tear escaped your eye but everything else was going numb. You didn’t want to speak but you just had to say it before you turned around and never looked back.

“I tried, Jungkook. I tried.”

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inktae · 7 years

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guess it’s time for my first follow forever with this blog! :’) I could never imagine I would reach this milestone so fast, especially after remaking and turning my writing around. and even if numbers are not really that important, it is still heartwarming and incredibly touching to see 6,000 people giving me and my writing a (second) chance.

not gonna lie, finally focusing on the kind of content I enjoy has brought some insecurities. for a long time I pushed away what I really wanted to pursue for many reasons: fear of being forgotten, loyal readers leaving because they did not like my new content, and losing what I had built online so far. even so, that negativity is ridiculously small in comparison to all the love I receive from those who do like what I write. I would have never imagined the immense amount of support I have right now, not with the kind of content I put out. after remaking, I was ready to start anew with a smaller readership and to see less attention being given to my works, to write at my heart’s content even if most weren’t going to enjoy it, and even though I would have been happy with that, it’s still incredible to see that has not been the case. if anything, the love I receive right now is way more meaningful than it used to be, because seeing people enjoying what I genuinely love to write is a feeling that I will never be able to describe. whatever the reason for this incredible luck I’ve had, it doesn’t take away from the amount of gratitude that has been growing in me for the last few months.

I am seriously beyond honored that you guys have allowed me to pour my heart into my stories the way I do, to make me feel confident enough to give more importance to what I like and not what others want from me. you all have helped me push away that hesitance of letting my imagination go wild for fear of it not being well received, which I know is not something many can say. I am really, really lucky to have such gentle, encouraging followers, with whom I’ve created such a positive environment here <3

this might only be a small blog on the internet where I just write fanfiction, but it has had a great impact in my personal life, and a positive one at that. I have improved my writing and my self-esteem, I have nurtured my creativity, I have met SO many people who inspire me and, most importantly, I learned that I need to stop trying to please everyone - because that’s just impossible. as long as I’m doing it for myself, that’s what matters the most :)

firstly, I need to acknowledge the readers who have stuck with me so far - both the ones who were there since pjiminnie, and those who are only discovering my blog now. I am deeply thankful for all of you, for showing me support and for giving my stories so much love and for motivating me without even realizing it. behind all of those ‘thank you’ messages, there is a smile and a warm heart and a deep gratitude that I’m unable to express with words. I don’t consider myself as good as some of you guys believe, but it is certainly a push in the right direction to find the confidence I hope I can achieve someday, and it is all thanks to you: unicorn anon, coffee anon, moon anon, tatertot anon, pillow anon, unrelated anon, n anon, titania, @war-of-hormoan, @mysweetkittae, @she-films-the-clouds, @casper-rose, @femme--almighty, @kateheartskpop, @parkjiminsjagiya, @twentynine-lin, @taenekiii, @vitae-min, @taequility, @kimre, @dimplecoups, @y-oongles, @gab-soon, @dreamingindoodles, @arisuna, @charizard-z, @jiminfully, @xobts, @chanyeolsaurus, @bangtanplan, @myooniverse, @mykye, @ananyak26, @ahmie-cat, @phiepster, @blue-eyed-fantom, @read-bangtan, @rousse97, @writingbarnes, @spellboundsangria, @azurepaperplanes, @btsugaplums, @awkward-bangtan and many many more I’m most definitely missing. whether you just shower me with likes or have sent me a message or two, your support to my blog means the world to me! thank you. ^^

now, there are a few mentions I need to make to show some appreciation to my favorite people (those marked with a ☆ have a lil message at the bottom, but everyone on this list are my faves :D)

@artsyjhope: thank you so much for approaching me, I consider you a very special friend even if we only started talking this year. you are one of the most caring, genuine people I know on this website, and you have a heart of gold. take your time with everything, and continue being as lovely as you have always been! I’ll always be here for you ^^

@lthyl: even though I already told you how I felt in the cheesiest birthday post ever, I can never pass up the opportunity to show my love! :D thank you for being here for so long. I am glad you have gotten to be part of my journey of growth as a writer, and I am also very proud of your own growth as I got to see you blossom into an amazing writer from a reader who only worried about showing her appreciation to others. it makes me happy to see you are also receiving beautiful praise now, after so long of just giving from that very big heart of yours ;v; enjoy this ride as much as you can, don’t let anyone bring you down, and never push yourself in any way! you deserve all the happiness <3

@wonderer-ru: I can already hear you saying ‘she’s lying! shhh! don’t listen to her!’ but I will never shut up! lol. people, if you haven’t checked out her writing, go do it now - it’s a magical ride you won’t regret. but fanfiction aside, I am glad I can say we have such a solid friendship (or at least that’s what I think ;D) that even if we spend days or weeks busy with our own stuff, we always go back to each other talking and fangirling like no time had passed. in my opinion, those kind of friendships are the best. thank you for everything, ily -3-

@mochiibebe: I might not tell you often, but I seriously appreciate you as a friend who has also seen me go through many ups and downs, but has always been there with me, and I also hope to be there for you in the same way. you’re really special skies, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! ily and thank you for everything!

@yoongihime: sass is the cutest writer on this fandom and no one can tell me otherwise. you are so kind it almost makes me cry!! thank you for your endless support, people like you are the reason why I love tumblr. ;u;

@yoonminnings: VIV... we have gone through so much and even if you are not here as often as before, I will always keep you and our friendship in my heart. writing aside, you mean a lot to me and I will always wait for the day you come back, and I will receive you with open arms. ily so much! miss you ;^;

@gukvory: ivory, my dear talented writer!! we might not talk much, but I could not pass up this opportunity to tell you how grateful I am for your presence on this website. I have been writing here for almost as long as you have, and it’s been an honor to see you grow through your different personas as I explored my own journey as well. I also need to thank you for taking your time to read the things I put out - my heart literally jumps and it makes my entire day whenever I see you have read something of mine, because knowing that someone with such overflowing talent like yours actually enjoys my works makes me feel like I’m doing something right. thank you for being such a great writer and person in general - I am so excited for the day when I can finally sit down and read your works without any kind of stress breathing down my neck, but for now, I will enjoy seeing you on my dash being your wonderful, kind self! ^^

@taeverie: jen is the proof that angels exist just saying.. for real YOU ARE THE SWEETEST, I love our conversations even if I’m terrible with replying, and I’m beyond thankful that you always keep them up and don’t get annoyed with me :’D thank you for being such a fun, talented person, and I hope to keep seeing you grow into an even better writer and an even more amazing person <333

@syubingseok: I HAVE SO MUCH LOVE FOR YOU NIKI. I feel like I need to protect you because you’re so nice and gentle and I really hope this website never ruins that for you. you have always been so nice to me to the point where I don’t even know what to do with myself haha. please continue being so positive and kind and humble because those traits are hard to come by. thank you so much for your friendship, and I hope to continue seeing you blossom into one of the greatest writers of this website because you really have the talent for it. ❤

@donewithjeon: michelle, I could not pass up the opportunity to include you here and tell you how amazing you are, both as a person and as a writer. you will always be one of my favorites and I hope to continue learning with your beautiful stories so I can improve and be as good as you. :’) I really look up to how level headed and mature you are, and you’re the best example as to how a bts fan should be. also, I am glad we started talking and got to share so many things that made us realize just how alike we are ahaha. I hope we can continue being friends, I enjoy our conversations so so much <3

@joonjeons: ALEXIS MY LOVE. without your cute cheesy messages tumblr would not be the same. we both have been here for so long and I’m glad we can still reach out to each other like no time had passed. I love you and I hope to keep seeing you around, you’re so special to me -3- (and I hope to be graced by your lovely writing sometime in the future as well! I will wait patiently, no matter how long that is :D)

@pantaemonium: I feel like I don’t say this enough, but I really, really look up to your writing and I will never stop saying it. you are a great inspiration to me and I can’t wait to finally catch up on all of your masterpieces. keep being yourself and take care lovely! muchísimas gracias por compartir tu talento <333

@taesblueberrymuffin: cindyyy *hugs* you’re so lovely and caring and your messages always make me smile. you’re so supportive and loving it’s unbelievable. I hope you know that I am always here for you whenever you need me :’)

@dreamscript: RYS I MISS YOU SO MUCH but I hope you know that I still consider you one of my dearest tumblr friends and that you’re so so talented and an amazing, funny human being that deserves all the love in the world!! I have so much fun with our conversations and even though it’s been a while since we spoke I still think of you dearly ❤

I am very sorry for this cheesy mess, but I didn’t know how else I could show how grateful I am. I don’t even know if there is anyone reading up to this point lol... anyhow, I love you all! -3-

#<3 #personal #sorry if I forgot anyone ;; I didn't really go through the list of people I follow #but rather included those at the top of my mind and who I kept seeing on my dash!

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