#yapapapapapa.

[freakenomenon]

So sorry if I’ve asked this before dementia core but thoughts on Ellen x A.M? (For a lack of a better term I’m so sorry I don’t mean in the traditional shipping sense I mean the ‘A.M-is-a-terror-who-wants-and-envies-the-concept-of-being-human-so-badly-the-only-one-of-the-five-he-can-‘love’-is-the-woman-the-other-men-hate-more-then-they-do-A.M’ sense )

you have NOT asked this before... i think i don't know, my memory is also that of a spilled milk carton. ( funny little note before i answer this, i think its comedic that i thought the question 'why do you like ellen' was loaded and for some reason could not just put something stupid or simple down like 'i think shes neat' or 'i like to think about her character writing a lot.' but for the question that begs the implications of my idea on shipping and how it corelates to dynamics and all that bullshi: nope, just fine. ) any-howdy. i think ellen and AM's dynamic is pretty interesting on its own when looked into more, despite the scraps of what we have. considering her fate in the short story, and her torture in the game. it's pretty safe to say most of his anger lashed onto her sexual or at least sexual autonomy related. especially with how a big element of her character in the game is viewing emotion, which includes desire, as flawed. and hating that part of herself entirely due to trauma. i'd imagine AM is enraged by this further, despite the fact he would have definitely exploited her sex ( as in assigned sex at birth ) and sexual assault trauma whether or not she had this response. how dare she have a body and not use it to its full potential. how dare she toss these PRIVELAGES away due to something as benign and useless as 'tRaUmA' beyond AM being AM, i find it incredibly interesting as well that the first thing AM mentions when dangling promise in front of ellen's face as he did all the others, is that he immediately comments on her looks. and that she'd thrown her 'promise' all away by growing 'hysterical' or irrational. all very typical misogynist jabber meant to demean her. just as all his other praise is, he coos at her like she's something precious and fragile and dumb.

( note; this idea that her being 'hysterical' or more bluntly, traumatized, somehow undermining everything she's done and everything she's worked for leaks into her theme, the problem is it's never called out by the narrative that this is a flawed way of looking at trauma skewed by ellen, the main focus. ) regardless, this theme is also tied into the fact that ted refers to AM as patriarchal. cruel and dystopian in a jealous, masculine way. 'He snickered. It snickered. Most of the time I thought of AM as it, without a soul; but the rest of the time I thought of it as him, in the masculine … the paternal … the patriarchal … for he is a jealous people. Him. It. God as Daddy the Deranged. ' it only makes sense that AM represents prejudice in more ways than one, being a war machine and all. and thus, will project his insecurity, rage, powerlessness, onto others. in a sense, ellen is like a little doll to him. when he's feeling particularly frustrated with his sexuality ( or lack thereof ) , appearance ( or lack thereof ) , emotion , ect. why not project it onto the one person in the entire group who's been especially kicked in the nuts about all of those things her entire life! YAAAAAAAAAY DIVERSITY WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and, just as AM wants. ellen reacts every time. she insults him, she curses him. she whines and complains and cries and shrieks and makes herself look insane, small in the process of trying to come across as bigger. even as she tries to come off unbothered as she does it.

this is, of course, only drawn to a shrill fever pitch when surrounded by triggers. she's one of the only survivors in the game to directly curse AM and tell him to fuck off consistently, or more than once. ( gorrister and benny both do the same at least once, but end up prioritizing their 'goals' directly afterward. ) she's also the only one of the survivors to still have the amount of hope, or maybe delusion, to directly beg AM to stop. as described by nimdok.

ughhh this is becoming a drag to articulate, this is only amplified if you take ted saying that AM gives ellen pleasure as partial fact. plus the fact that ellen and ted are the least tattered, ellen staying pampered for the men, doll motif, yada yada. you get it. AM essentially has ellen on a longer leash than the men, she's able to curse him out, push away, and then crawl back crying for forgiveness, for luxury. this entire process needing minimal effort from him, just as the existence of her dynamic with the men as a whole. ... sorry i talked about ellen and AM's dynamic too much, point is. the same with tedam, i do find the 'ship' interesting in a vacuum. unfortunately, i cannot yuri this up enough to make it lack the straight edge that makes me want to gag. still, generally, i think in a one sided sense, and within the context of shipping in the way WE are using the term. i like it. i like ellen x AM **** EVERYONE THROWS TOMATOES AT ME AND KILLS ME REALLY HARRD AND I GO TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!****** i think it would be really funny if AM's praise were something genuine, at least to some extent. ellen's discomfort , disdain , disgust and 'i want to kick his ass'-ness is just a perk. which is a testament to how fucked up this pairing is. but i do think they're interesting. hehrrgghh......................................................... huryyhhgfffhhh. drink.