#yeah just checking in with myself and yup still obsessed w them

[bakuhoes-dumbass]

Aberration - Chapter 2

MHA!Various x Fem!Reader

Thriller/Horror/Drama

Criminal!AU

Words: 1.5k

A/N: Yay, here’s the second chapter of my new AU! It’s a little shorter but I promise chapters will get longer as we go.

Warnings: Yandere Themes, Mentions of murder, blood, felonies, bullying, swearing.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of MHA, just this story. In no way does this reflect the characters, writers or VAs of the show/manga. MINORS DNI.

~~~

Aberration Masterlist

~~~

"Now, on to your next subject. Inmate 04, Eijiro Kirishima." You flip the page of your inmate profiles to see a picture of a red-haired man. "He is of a higher danger level, so make sure to keep your guard up. And for the love of God, under any circumstances…

Do not touch him."

Only slightly acknowledging his warning, you look down at your notes, eyebrows shooting up in surprise at the words on the page. "He suffers from Erotomania? Interesting…"

Aizawa nods. "Ah, yes. A very rare condition indeed, especially in males. The affected person strongly believes that another individual is in love with them. This delusion develops and persists despite clear evidence to the contrary."

"That's a very exciting find. I can't wait to meet him." Your eyes light up, quite intrigued.

Aizawa sighs and gestures with his head. "Follow me."

Kirishima's room was only a few doors down from Tokoyami's. Once again, Aizawa presses his hand to a key code and you hear the door unlock, following a buzzer. You slowly make your way into the room. It mirrors Tokoyami's down to the last detail, the only difference being a redhead was currently doing pushups.

He barely acknowledges a person stepping into his room, eyes flitting to your form and back to the ground. It takes him a moment to realize it was someone new. As soon as he does, his eyes widen and he springs onto his feet, slightly startling you.

"Oh! Hello there! You're new!"

You nod your head and smile at the red-head. "That I am. My name is Y/N and I'm the newest scientist at this facility. My role here is to get to know and observe you all to help further our findings for a cure." You choose to leave out the 'friends' part, as something about him makes you weary. You don't need anything being misinterpreted.

"Hello there, Y/N! My name is Kirishima!" He takes a step towards you but is suddenly stopped by a lower force. You look down to see his ankles chained to the heavy-duty bed frame, connected to him by quirk-canceling cuffs. You look back up to see him looking at you intensely, with a shark-toothed smile. "Man, you're really pretty!"

You swallow thickly, but keep your smile. "That's very kind of you to say, Kirishima. Now, if I may." You take a seat at the desk like you did with Tokoyami. Kirishima follows suit and sits across from you on the bed. His smile never wavers, making you slightly uneasy. You ignore it and turn to a blank page in your notebook. "Now, if you could please state your full name, age and date of birth?"

He gives you a chuckle and points to himself proudly with his thumb. "I'M Eijiro Kirishima! I'm 22 years old and my Birthday is October 16th!"

You giggle softly at his extroverted personality. "Ahh, same birth month as Tokoyami." You mumble to yourself. His ears perked up and his smile faltered slightly.

"You met Tokoyami already?"

"Hm?" You look up and smile fondly. "Ah yes, I have. He was the first one. A very nice young man."

You look back down at your notes, failing to see Kirishima's eye twitch slightly. He returns to his signature smile as you look up at him again. "And what is your quirk?"

"Oh, it's so cool! I can harden my entire body to an extreme. I can make myself a shield or a weapon! Pretty manly, am I right?" Kirishima wiggles his eyebrows at you, causing you to chuckle.

"That is definitely a unique one, Kiri." You, once again, fail to notice the way his eyes light up at the nickname, too busy looking down at your notes. "Now I see here that you've been charged with Stalking and 2 counts of second degree murder. Is that correct?"

"Yup! Although I don't understand how it would be considered 'Stalking', when she always knew I was around. She was okay with it, too! I mean, we WERE in love, you know." He furrows his brows.

You raise a brow and write down everything he says. "Care to continue explaining what happened? Why were you brought into this facility?"

Kirishima sighs and rests his chin on his hand, a dazed look on his face. "Well, you see. There was this girl. We were totally, completely head over heels for each other. You've probably heard of her, Kim Hyuna?"

Your eyebrows shoot up. Yeah, you heard of her. She is one of the biggest idols around right now, extremely pretty and extremely talented. She has millions of fans from around the world. You already can see where the direction of this story is headed.

He continues with a wide smile. "We used to go out on dates everywhere. To the mall, the salon, even to her dorms. We were so in love." His dazed expression turns sour. "Then that stupid boy shows up outta nowhere. He took her from me. He dared to take something so precious from me. So, I couldn't take it anymore and, uh, kinda killed them."

You watched him rub the back of his neck sheepishly, like the situation was no more than a mere broken dish he dropped on accident. You nod your head carefully, writing the last bit of information down. Clicking your pen, you look up and give the young man a fake smile.

"Well, that's it for today, Kirishima. I must take my leave, but I'll be back to run some tests soon."

Kirishima frowns and quickly stands up. "W-Wait, already?"

You gather up your notes and clipboard. "Yes, unfortunately. I do have some other patients I need to get to before-" as you go to stand up, your foot gets caught under the chair leg and you trip. You accidentally fall forward and into something hard. Looking up, you realized you fell against Kirishima himself, your hands splayed out against his chest.

His eyes widen, staring down at your hands against his chest, something shifting in his eyes. Before you're able to pull your hands away, his own reach up and snatch your wrists, holding them in place. A blush appears on the apples of his cheeks.

"Y-Y/N. I-I had no idea you felt the same."

Your eyes widen in fear. You attempt to tug your hands away, but his iron grip tightens into a bruising force. "Kirishima, I would advise you to kindly let go of me. Please, don't misunderstand the situation."

His grin widens, showcasing his sharp teeth. Red eyes bore into yours with a wild look. You hear the door buzz behind you and a flood of voices coming in. You feel a pair of arms reach around you and hands grip your elbows. Two pairs of hands each grab Kirishima by the arms and force him to release his grip on you. You watched two of Aizawa's assistants hold down a struggling Kirishima as you were forcibly dragged out of his room.

Once safely outside, you were spun around to meet the eyes of a fuming and worried doctor. "Are you alright, Y/N?" Aizawa's eyes travel along your body, doing a quick examination to make sure nothing was injured.

You nod your head and rotate your slightly bruised wrists. "Y-Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little shaken up."

Aizawa sighs. "Didn't I say NOT to touch him? His obsession tends to solidify with physical contact."

You wince. "I know. This time it was an accident. I tripped and he just happened to, uh, be the 'wall' I fell against." You think back to the moment you fell against Kirishima. His chest felt almost rock solid, not like a normal human body would be. Now you're thinking that his quirk leaked through the cuffs and that thought scares you.

"Nobody said you were clumsy when you were hired," he sighs and runs a hand down his tired face. "There are still 9 other inmates you need to check with. And 6 out of the 9 are above Kirishima's danger level. Are you still up for it today?"

You shake out your hands and nod your head. "Yes! I am. A little scare never bothered me. This is my job."

Aizawa hummed in reply and flipped through his clipboard, stopping on a page. "Inmate 09, Keigo Takami. Mafia leader. He's a level 7 as well, but doesn't have delusions like Inmate 04 does. While he's very dangerous, he's a little more tolerable." Aizawa hesitates before continuing. "Er, minus the excessive flirting."

You sigh and flip through Keigo's information. "Oh goodie. Well, let's get this over with." You follow Aizawa to Keigo's door and once it buzzes, you enter the pristine, white room.

"Good afternoon Mr. Keigo, my name is Y/N and I'll-" You look up from your notes to see a half naked man with blonde hair and bright red bird wings lounging on his bed. Your jaw drops and you hold your clipboard up in front of your suddenly heated face.

Keigo looks over to you with his brows raised. "Well well, looks like we've got ourselves a new baby bird. How…" The handsome man's lips turn up into a cocky smirk.

"...interesting."

~~~

Taglist: @theblueslytherin @sterassion @somechick30003 @meena-in-a-nutshell @justtj-andnonumberspls @zombieonna @amajikiwife @yulifee @atexansadventureintokinkandlife @ep-ip-ha-ny @hcneymilkks @pastelmoonwitche @stayarmytinyzenmoa-l @railmeddy @unlimitedfirepheonix @confaegion @drownedbytears @burntcrips @silverqueenie @the-lady-writes-what @awkward-confused @themotherofmoons @ihaveakoreanseoul @1-800-multifandomness @tragically-here @andyronii @sunnnyshark @henhouse-horrors  @dabis-s-whore 

(If your name is bolded, I couldn’t tag you)

[jadedragoness]

Battle Ground 1st Read Through Reaction

Can I just start off by saying, Holy crap. Chicago got curb-stomped hard. So freaking hard.

I really, really, enjoyed the story. I pretty much didn’t want to stop reading as soon as I cracked open the covers of the book but I did have to have periods of giving myself a break and just put the book down and go do something sensible like do the dishes instead of screaming or shaking my fists at the sky like a lunatic.

I do admit that as a story the continuous battle was draining and exhausting to read. But I think that was the point so I don’t really count it against the story. It is something important to know going in, and why I’d recommend breaks.

Let’s talk spoilers… just assume spoilers for everything Dresden Files related too. Ummm, also this runs long.

First Let’s Me Tell You About the Thing Which Exploded My Brain:

1. MARCONE IS FREAKING KNIGHT OF THE BLACKENED DENARIUS! WHHHAAAAT!!

...okay, I’m done screaming about it.

OF FREAKING THORNED NAMSHIEL!!! ...I lied, I wasn’t done. How long? What? When? I didn’t see this coming at all! And I’m so freaking torn about how to feel about it.

I am so damned (heh) relieved that Marcone’s didn’t die at Ethniu’s hands. I seriously freaked at the moment she snapped his neck that I went into instant denial and my eyes skipped several paragraph down out of the desperate wish to see if it was trick. I’m also very, very delighted that Marcone is now so much harder to kill. I mean, he was already pretty hard to kill being Marcone but this just takes it up to eleven.

On the other hand, a Fallen Angel is so freaking dangerous. *makes gargling worried noises* And while it looks like Marcone appears to have worked out a partnership with the coin I can’t help but remember that when we were first introduced to this Fallen he was called ‘Thorned Namshiel’ and not by the name of his bearer. So he appears to be the type to subsume the human who holds him. Which makes me worried that Marcone could be on that path and not even realize it. *goes back to making gargling worried noises*

I do find reassuring that the coin is on a chain around his neck and therefore easily removed and not buried in his body like some of the other Denarians will do.

However, I am feeling a little disappointed Marcone is no longer purely a ‘vanilla’ mortal who stood toe-to-toe eldritch beings and survived by simply being smarter, deadlier and amazeballs. I’ll miss that. I always thought that it was especially hilarious how much Harry would freak out about Marcone and how deadly Marcone is when even in the same room as scary monsters (like in ;Skin Game;, I mean seriously he was in the same room as Nicodemus and Harry was hardcore worried about upsetting Marcone… hilarious!) when Marcone was a vanilla mortal… but now he’s not.

And yet, now Marcone knows how to sling around magic and is incredibly hard to kill. *thumbs up at Jim Butcher* Yeeeessssss! *is so happy*

Although… if Harry doesn’t end up making all manner of ‘thorny’ jokes at Marcone I’m going to be very disappointed. =D

Things I Sorta Expected:

1. Murphy dying.

Now, I totally bawled at the scene after Rudolph shot Murphy. I especially lost it when Harry kept referring to her body as an ‘empty house.’ ARGH. But I wasn’t actually surprised that she died. I did feel like I got a very strong sense it was going to happen. Actually, from how often Harry’s thoughts seemed to be pinging in that direction I was partially convinced his wizardly ‘insight’ was kicking in and trying to warn him.

And he tried. He really did.

But ultimately it was Karrin’s own choice to be away from safety and be her badass self.

2. Hendricks’ dying.

I’ve actually have read the short story ‘Monsters’ from Goodman Grey’s POV and I’ve read it a little over a week ago and in it he notes Marcone’s bodyguard as a dumb Einherjaren. Which made my brain go: Whoa, wait… where’s Hendricks? Is Hendricks dead? Did Hendricks die and become in Einherjaren? Or is he off doing something and one of those guys is taking over for a bit? Fuck, Hendricks is dying in ‘Battle Ground’ isn’t he?

So I wasn’t exactly surprised, but I was still very, very upset. And when Ethniu picked up Hendrick’s corpse and smashed him into Marcone that’s where I lost it. Like totally lost it while also being worried about Marcone at the same time. Gah.

Curveballs I Did Not Expect:

1. Marva and Drakul. The deaths of Wild Bill and Yoshimo at the hands of Black Court vampires and the threat that we may see them again as Black Court? Did not see that coming. I expected to lose Wardens but not like that.

...and I may be in denial about Chandler (I like the guy, okay) being dead. Please. He’s a wizard. He’ll be back. Of course as soon as I wrote that I was instantly struck of by the thought of: “Yeah, but will you like what you get back?”

2. Also Drakul is a starborn? I get more and more curious about what it means! I’m with Harry in frothing in frustration over how people won’t tell him already! *screams into the void*

Also Kincaid worked for this guy? *shudders*

3. Marcone and Thorned Namshiel. *gurgles*

4. Justine had Nemesis in her! And for years?!

How in the hell are they going to save her? Mab barely saved Lea and she’s Mab!

Also I thought Nemesis was very infectious. Is there anyone else around who has been infected? Maybe among Harry’s friends with Justine as the vector? *is worried*  

5. Not getting a resolution on the situation with the Svartalves. Or did I miss something? Seriously, the ending of the book felt like it was missing about 30 more pages to wrap up and work a bit more on characters.

Things I Did Not Like or Was Disappointed By:

1. Rudolph getting to live. Fuck that guy.

Okay, I understand that his not getting murdered at Harry’s hands wasn’t really for Rudolph’s sake but for Harry’s own soul. I just want him dead. Dammit, is it too much to ask for him to have been shot by a turtleneck or stomped by a Jotun or splattered by Formor acid that slowly ate away at his guts as screamed until his internal organs slowly dissolved?

I have may have a bloodthirsty vengeful streak. And yet: want.

2. I also may have narrowed my eyes at the end of the book there after Harry said that Marcone was dropping off the keys and then it turned out Lara had picked them up instead. I may have also said aloud, “Butcher, are you Marcone-blocking me?” And he was, dammit, because I didn’t get to read more Marcone.

… I do not have a Marcone-addiction.

3. This is more disappointment than dislike but I didn’t get nearly as much Goodman Grey as I thought I’d get. Aw.

4. Harry not getting to talk to Ivy. *grumbles*

Things I Really Liked/Loved

1. Harry got his home back! And it’s the castle! The castle he all but swindled out of Marcone. Yes, I love it! I love Marcone but doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy it when Harry get the best of him too. Anyway, I just love the fact that Harry is claiming parts of his life back from the traumatic heart-stomp events which occurred in ‘Changes’. *bounces in excitement* Now he just needs an office!

2. Marcone. Always. Actually I was a little afraid when he vanished after the battle started that there would be very little Marcone in this book too because Butcher is so Marcone-stingy.

3. That Harry is no longer a member of the White Council. I mean, they’ve been pretty useless to helping Harry out. And honestly, Harry has gotten so many headaches from them that I can’t help but think this is a weight he needed to shed.

Although, it really feeds my ‘Harry needs to become a member of the accords in his own right’ thing again. Seriously, he’s the Warden of Demonreach. He bound a Titan. It needs to happen. Ooh, or the Paranet can see about becoming an Accorded organization in their own right and then Harry can be with them. Yeeeessss.

4. Bob is back in Harry’s hands! Freaking yes! Whoohooo! About time! Oooh, wait, has Bob meet Bonnie? Can we read this happening? OMG, I want it so much… or would Harry be too horrified to let Bob influence his spirit-kid? LoL.

5. Seeing Toot-toot and Lacuna again! And when Harry pulled his ‘Za Lord’ maneuver and got the Guard and a ton of other fairies to help in the defense of… well, pizza in Chicago, that was great I punched the air.

 The I gloated even more over how Mab then explained Harry had scared some of the others with that move. Heh.

6. River Shoulders was so damn badass and amazeballs and like Wild Bill said, I’ll take two.

7. Michael and Charity already knowing that Molly is the Winter Lady and being the best parents and loving and accepting and… so much love for those two.

EVERYTHING MARCONE… yes, he’s getting his own heading

1. Gah, I love him. I have mentioned this before. That one of the first things he says to Harry when Harry is staring at him as he changes clothes is to paraphrase ‘did you forget how to get dressed or is this an awkward sexual reconnaissance’ nearly killed me. I was caught between giggling and choking on my own spit and then I nearly fell off the couch. Just remembering about it now, has me giggling at the computer screen.

2. Also, I find that ‘Excellent’ response from Marcone after they exchange threats to be fascinating. This was one of those points were I put the book down and wondered what Marcone meant by that. Then I had the thought that maybe in his own fashion, Marcone was doing the same thing that practically everyone had been doing with Harry since he got back from being shot. He was checking to see if Harry was still the same man he’d been before. And from Harry’s response, Yup. He was. So: “Excellent.”

Having also read ‘Skin Game‘ and how cold Marcone is in the end there? The difference with this Marcone versus the one where Mab was listening? I find that interesting too!

3. When Marcone showed up to the fight! So freaking badass! Love how he led the fighters.

Also I find it significant that both of the guys who are obsessed with protecting Chicago were the ones who manifested ‘banners’ which drew humans to the fight.

Really cool. And it reminds me all over again that for all their different life philosophies Marcone and Dresden do agree on the mantra of: Protect Chicago.

4. This book, especially the lake beach scene reminded me so hard why I love the banter between Harry and Marcone so much. When it just seems to be the two of them and they aren’t actively threatening each they have such a great rapport! Loved reading it! Wished we got more of it in the books.

5. Okay, with Hendricks’ death I’m rather worried for Marcone. ‘Even Hand’ gave the impression Hendricks often acted as a very gentle conscience to Marcone. Losing him has got to be hitting Marcone hard. And that I now know he only has a Fallen angel on his shoulder?

Yup, growing more worried for Marcone at the time.

6. I’m also wondering about what was said in that exchange between Mab and Marcone on the roof when Harry called out Marcone for about being the Lord of Chicago needing to be more than talk. Okay, I can guess. I just really, really want to hear the words because I bet Marcone was badass.

7. The Lord of Chicago giving Harry the title of the Wizard of Chicago? Freaking loved it.

8. Also Marcone freaking purred. Purred. “Prove it,” he purred. “Hero.”

I think Jim Butcher is trying to give me a heart attack or cause me to crack my skull on floor because I nearly fell off the couch again.

9. With Marcone now outed as a magic-wielding Denarian does that mean we get more of him in the future books? Because I freaking hope so... I say this even knowing I’d have the exact same wish even without him being a magic-wielding Denarian.

Things I Found Completely Hilarious

1. Marcone’s opening lines to Harry. Heh. Forever Lol!

2. Is Lacuna a tooth fairy? Her obsession with teeth cracked me up so much.

3. That Mab smacking both Lara and Harry with those wedding plans. *snickers* I mean, I find it totally hilarious because of how gobsmacked both of them were about it. I don’t expect Harry to go through with it at all, not with how we know how seriously he takes relationships. So either he’s going to get out of being the Winter Knight or find some other way to defy Mab. Or hell, maybe Lara gets them both out of it by marrying someone else first. Honestly, I can’t see her agreeing to marry someone who’d burn her with a touch.

Pure Speculation or Things that Just Excite Me for the Future:

1.  Now I bet you’re all wondering why I’m not more upset about Murphy or Hendricks dying. Simply put, I’m 100% convinced that when both Murphy and Hendricks wake up in Valhalla, in drinking (with quaffing I bet) halls full of grunting, fighting obsessed Vikings and they will go ‘Nope, I’m out!’ three seconds later. Those two? Especially knowing how much trouble Harry and Marcone have got to be getting up to without them? They’d probably join forces and stage a breakout to get back.

This is what occurred to me the moment Gard explained what happened to their bodies. The whole not come back until everyone who knew them was gone, yeah, right. Not happening.

Or, jeeze, I can’t image Marcone not thinking this was a possibility and then not having made plans to bust Hendricks out and you know Murphy would demand to come along too. And with Thorned Namshiel providing help? I can see this happening.

...okay, this idea sneaked into my head but now I’m seeing Murphy (having busted out of Valhalla with a bunch of Einherjaren) and learning about the upcoming nuptials between Lara and Harry leads a raiding party (what else, with Vikings!) to bride nap (groom nap?) Harry away before he says “I do.“ Heh. This would be hilarious.

2. I’m sorta vibrating with the possibilities of what the future will bring with a Chicago that is waking up to the dangers of the supernatural while at the same time having learned that it is possible to stand up to monsters and kill them. Especially, what this means when bad things go down in Chicago again, because of course they will. And there may be more people joining in the fight.

Hmm, can the Paranet be deployed as a means of bringing vanilla mortals in or educating them so they don’t go after the good guys? They do sort of stand in the middle, more so than Harry. *lost in thoughts*

3. While I’m actually a little surprised that Ebenezar made it out alive as I actually had him down on my ‘Will Probably Die List’. I was relieved as I hope to see him and Harry actually have that conversation which Harry wants. Seriously, if only for Maggie’s sake, who shouldn’t have her first and last memory of her Great-Grandpa be him being a total jerk.

4. Harry can bind the prisoners of Demonreach to do his bidding? *blinks* Ooh, the possibilities.

5. These Librarians, the Men in Black of the DF ‘verse, sound amazing and I can’t wait to see them show up.

[yourcoolfriendwithallthecandy]

Magic and Miracles and BEYOND Chapter 4

Ok, so for those who don’t know I face cast Miracle Laurie as Hazel Stevens, Titus Drautos’ love interest (*cough* love of his life *cough*) and in the upper right hand corner is my face cast for Ada, @the-immortal-marshal ‘s OC, she gave me Ada’s particulars forever ago so now I’ve just finally face cast her. And we have TADA I finally found a face I liked for Charlotte Stevens. Hazel’s sister who is of African American and Chinese decent. And I am OBSESSED with Empresses in the Palace which is a six episode long mini series that USED to be on Netflix, you can find it on Amazon Prime video now. And there is a lot of symbolism from that show that I’ve taken and run wild with because in this fic Gilgamesh (who I have taken so many liberties with) is a Chinese drug lord who thinks of himself as an Emperor and calls Charlotte his Empress. And Cor is obsessed with taking him down (like he is in the canon-verse). 

Ok so you can read it here -> AO3 or below. Tumblr, be cool, keep it under a cut. 

Magic and Miracles and BEYOND

Chapter 4

“Ok, I stand corrected, this is my favorite house.” Selena announced as she came into the mansion in California wine country that was styled in a blend of Italianate, Spanish and Mediterranean. With it’s overall warm tones and clay tile roof. She fell head over heels in love with it.

“Knew it would be,” Ravus beamed.

“I want our house to be exactly like this.” Selena urged Ravus who chuckled.

“Yeah, I figured as much.” Ravus nodded in agreement, having figured that the moment they hit the road.

“Yeah, you can keep the house on the coast Luna, I love that location but I love and adore this house and the vineyards are just...spectacular. It’s so beautiful I think I’m gonna cry.” Selena teased herself as her eyes actually started to water which only got Ravus to pull her into his embrace and kiss the crown of her head.  

“Well Ravus did buy you that place up the coast so you’re only a stroll down the beach away.” Luna teased her.

“Yeah,” Selena sighed wistfully before she gave Ravus a quick peck on the lips before she had him really show her around.

“Holy shit!” Selena exclaimed when she saw the wine cellar.

“Yeah, this wine cellar alone is worth as much as the actual house I think.” Ravus speculated.

“It’s all dry isn’t it?” Selena asked in disappointment.

“Actually, no,” Ravus began as he hunted through the cellar. “Yes! This Darling, is ice wine. And it is exceptionally sweet.” Ravus said as he handed her a little mini bottle.

“Should we chill this first?” Selena asked as she looked it over.

“Yes, yes we should.” Ravus nodded as he used a special wine bottle carrier box to put in a half dozen bottles in, going through the rows picking out different ones before filling the box full and putting it down before getting another before he turned the corner and it was like it kept expanding, Ravus going through the bottles like anyone would go through a library to look at books.

“Does it ever end? I could get lost in here.” Selena teased as Ravus grinned but kept his eyes moving through all the labels.

“You could.” Ravus answered but only half teasing himself before his phone went off.

“Yeah?” Ravus answered.

“Where are you?” Luna asked.

“In the wine cellar?” Ravus answered.

“Where at in the wine cellar?” Luna asked.

“I’m at the Rieslings, just about to head into the Moscatos. I already handed Darling some ice wines.” Ravus answered.

“Ooh, could you get me my favorite please?” Luna requested.

“Sure, what does Jock Strap want?” Ravus asked.

“Oh he’s found the bar, he’s good.” Luna snorted a laugh.

“Well then get me my favorite.” Ravus insisted.

“Already gotten.” Luna reassured him.

“Thanks, when you guys figure out what to get for dinner call me back.” Ravus urged his sister.

“Yup.” Luna nodded.  

“That’s really kind of sad that the house is so big, you have to call each other on your phones to talk to each other.” Selena teased as she leaned up against a brick wall and gave him a giddy smile.

“Oh trust me, once we start our family, you’ll be happy it’s as big as it is, in fact I think you’ll love it down here because it’ll be the one part of the house where the kids won’t be allowed to play and you’ll have some nice ‘quiet mommy time’.” Ravus gently teased her with a look that had Selena wishing she could speed up time just to get to that and she just couldn’t help but pull him away from the wines to pull him flush with her to kiss him deeply.

“Can’t wait.” Selena purred when they broke for air and Ravus put the box down but only to allow him to pin her to the brick wall behind her before he picked her up so that her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms wrapped around his shoulders as he slipped her panties to the side since she was wearing a sundress as he unzipped his shorts and quickly entered her and moaned with her.

“I can, it’ll be worth the wait. I promise.” Ravus beamed at her.

“Aww,” Selena fawned.

Meanwhile Hazel and Titus were about to get ready to go to the store when Hazel checked her phone for the time before the screen went haywire for a moment as Titus’ phone did the same before both her phone and Titus’ phone turned themselves off and wouldn’t turn back on and Hazel inhaled sharply as her eyes went wide with terror because she knew what was going to happen next.

“Titus, you either need to get to the car right now or you need to get into my bathroom and don’t come out unless I come in and get you.” Hazel immediately ordered and Titus blinked in surprise when he saw how terrified she suddenly looked.

“What are you talking about?” Titus asked.

“No time to explain, here.” Hazel decided for him before she seemed to pull a gun out from under her breakfast bar and put it into his hand and shoved him into the bathroom.

“Sit right here, don’t move, don’t make a sound and shoot anyone but me who tries to come in.” Hazel ordered, keeping her voice whisper quiet but the hiss to her voice put him on edge before Hazel quickly locked the bathroom and quickly ran to her door and pulled out another hand gun and watched through the keyhole as Charlotte and two body guards came walking purposefully down the hallway, each body guard taking up an end to the hall to leave Charlotte to approach Hazel’s door alone before she knocked her special knock.

“Please tell me you’ve come to say goodbye.” Hazel told her sister in Mandarin when she opened the door for her sister, her gun visible at her side as Charlotte came strutting into Hazel’s apartment as Hazel shut the door behind her as she warily watched her sister.

“I came with a warning.” Charlotte began and Hazel’s stomach dropped. “You should go out to dinner tonight.” Charlotte suggested.

“Where and with who?” Hazel’s eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“It doesn’t matter where but I think you’ll know with who.” Charlotte grinned as she laid a manila envelope on the counter.

“What part of ‘I never want to be involved’ is hard to understand?” Hazel bit out.

“It’s Heaven’s wish, either serve the warning or you can try to Witchhazel.” Charlotte returned coolly and Hazel’s jaw clenched. “Your choice.” Charlotte shrugged before she stood in front of Hazel with a challenging smirk before hugging her sister before Hazel begrudgingly returned it.

“Why can’t you both go back to Hong Kong? At least you’d be safer there.” Hazel asked as she hugged her sister tighter, always feeling like she was seeing her sister for the last time when her sister came to her like this.

“Soon.” Charlotte answered and Hazel knew that was the closest to a straight answer she could ever get from Charlotte.

“Ok.” Hazel whispered.

“Now tell Titus hi for me and to keep his nose out of our business.” Charlotte offered in English as she let go of her sister and left, snapping her fingers once she was in the hallway before both henchmen were back at her side as she left the building as Hazel blew out a shaky breath as her cheeks burned as she put the gun back into it’s hiding spot and went over to the manila envelope and opened it to find a tiny flash drive and found 50 thousand dollars with it. Hazel just huffed and shook her head. She took the money out and when she did, she found ‘Warhorn Lion’ written on a piece of yellow paper that almost looked and felt like tissue paper but was in fact a recreation of the paper used by Chinese Emperors to write edicts and orders on- on the inside of the envelope in Mandarin calligraphy and Hazel just closed her eyes and fought not to cry.  

“Shit.” Hazel hissed as she got gloves on and took it out and folded it carefully, damning her hands for shaking. At least it wasn’t Titus’ name. She put the paper and the flash drive into a new envelope and into her purse before she put the money into her lock box and once she was done she took her gloves off and threw them away before she knocked on the door to the bathroom off her bedroom where she had put Titus.

“It’s safe now Baby.” Hazel called out softly as she unlocked the door and opened it to find Titus still sitting in the same spot she left him in.

“What the fuck is going on?” Titus demanded as he stood up and stared at her incredulously.

“If I answered that, I’d have to kill you myself.” Hazel answered defeated-ly as she took her gun back to put it away.

“What kind of convoluted clandestine bullshit is that?!” Titus spat angrily as he followed her and took note of where it had come from in the first place, having sat right there before and not having the smallest clue it had been there the whole time.

“The kind of convoluted clandestine bullshit that will get you killed, moreover it’s the kind of convoluted clandestine bullshit that puts car bombs under cars and straps C4 to someone’s chest and tells them to walk into hospitals and schools with the power to bring anyone to their knees before it lops off their heads, that kind. The kind that already knows your name, where you work, your routines, the truck you drive and where you are at all times. The kind that’s kept a tail on me since I went to college, the kind that has already buried the last nosy boyfriend. So do yourself a favor if you want to live and let it go and never, ever breathe a word of this ever again. This is your one warning. The next time you bring this up, that sniper on that roof right over there will shoot you and I’ll have to change the carpet again because blood doesn’t come out from white carpet well.” Hazel snarled as she pointed her finger into his chest, the tip digging into his flesh hard every time she said the word ‘you’ as tears flowed freely from her eyes as her expression was a pleading one as Titus just stared in shock at her as he finally really sensed what kind of predicament and danger she must be in and all he wanted to do was make her feel safe again, he didn’t care if he had to set the world on fire to do it either. He knew Hazel was smart, brilliant even and as badass as the day was long but if his Hazel was this scared, she would only have every justification to be so.

“Ok.” Titus answered softly as finally nodded as he brought her in and hugged her tight and kissed the crown of her head.

“Obviously you don’t have a choice in this. If this is the way it has to be then it’s the way it has to be.” Titus offered as Hazel just broke down crying and bawled into his chest and when she was done, she pulled herself back together and kissed him so deeply it started their own familiar chain of events and once satisfied, they left and went about their day, Titus doing his best to act like nothing was wrong and that nothing had happened out of the usual.

“Hey you wanna meet up with Cor and Ada for dinner?” Hazel asked innocently as they were putting their groceries away.

“Yeah sure.” Titus nodded and texted Cor.

“Where to?” Titus asked Hazel.

“I don’t care, whatever they want is fine.” Hazel waived off. “Actually I could go for some rice noodles though, maybe Chinese? Japanese? Vietnamese? Thai? Something like that.” Hazel waived off.  

“The Mandarin?” Titus suggested, knowing that was her favorite Chinese restaurant, it was a bit upscale but very authentic and the whole menu was in Mandarin and English and he loved the way Hazel could order for them in nothing but Mandarin and get things that weren’t even on the menu.

“Perfect.” Hazel beamed and once at the restaurant, Cor was exceptionally happy and even giddy because he had gotten a break in the Gilgamesh case that day and Hazel was grateful that she wasn’t sitting right next to him but feared for Ada, knowing that Ada was in grave danger but was powerless to say anything to her directly. Hazel excused herself from the table and took her server aside as she went to the bathroom and gave her a hundred dollar bill if she put the envelope into Cor’s bill. Hazel having taken the envelope out with a tissue and put it into a folded napkin to hand to the server who thought it was some kind of practical joke before the owner, who had been watching over them, took the envelope and looked inside before their eyes went wide for a moment and made a quick phone call before they nodded and got a red envelope and wrote something out with a calligraphy pen and comped not just Cor and Ada’s meal but Titus and Hazel’s too.

“Mr. Leonis, could you please come with me?” The owner asked Cor as he came and pointed to the bill as if the card had gotten declined.

“Oh, that shouldn’t of...” Cor said as he got up and got his wallet out as he followed the owner to the cash register.

“Oh no, your card wasn’t declined, no your meal was taken care of already but I didn’t want to disturb your party by handing you this.” The owner said as he handed Leonis a red cash envelope typically given to newly weds at their wedding.

“What does this say?” Cor asked as he pointed to the writing on the envelope.

“It says ‘compliments of Emperor Gilgamesh’.” The owner answered.

“Fuck.” Cor breathed. “Is he here? Like right now?” Cor asked the owner.

“Of course not. Even if he was, you could not do anything Marshal.” The owner pointed out with a smug grin.

“I could have you arrested for aiding and abetting.” Cor threatened.

“Perhaps you should look at the flash drive first before you make any foolish threats.” The owner suggested sagely as Cor narrowed his eyes and got the flash drive and put it into his phone before picture after picture of Ada and Ada and himself came up on the screen before a new message came into his phone with a picture of himself, Ada and Titus in the cross-hairs from a scope while they were still there at the restaurant and Cor looked up and searched the room, trying to find the threats and the vantage points these pictures were taken from.

“It really would be quite rude to answer generosity with disrespect. Perhaps you should go home now.” The owner suggested. “And please do not think that my restaurant is unique in that his Majesty has reign here. There is no where any of you could ever go that he would not come for you.” The owner warned. “And if I may let you in on a secret. His Majesty is being lenient with you and has written your name in black. This is your warning that you have come too close. If you come any closer, he will write your name in white. White is the color of death in our culture. And it will be as if he would have written your death warrant.” The owner added and Cor gulped.

“Understood.” Cor nodded before he went back to the table and tried to casually get them all out of there as the owner came and thanked them for coming and invited them back as he handed Hazel a to go container of her favorite dumplings- raw so she could steam them herself when she got home and once back in Titus’ truck Hazel found a thick black card with what Gilgamesh liked to referred to her as written in gold ink along with a quick message of thanks.

“What does that say?” Titus asked as he noticed it.

“It says ‘thank you’ and my name.” Hazel answered honestly.

“I’ve never gotten a thank you for getting takeout from here.” Titus frowned.

“Well you’re not on first name basis and friends with the family.” Hazel tried to reason with a lop sided grin as Titus nodded in understanding.

“So that’s why our meal was free?” Titus asked.

“Yup.” Hazel nodded.

“So...I’m thinking we should take up a new hobby together.” Titus began.

“Which is?” Hazel asked curiously.

“Shooting. I’m already into hunting, I need to be a better shooter though.” Titus realized as he squeezed her hand a little tighter and gave her a gentle yet reassuring look and watched as Hazel’s grin grew into a full blown smile.

“That would be...amazing.” Hazel praised as she squeezed his hand back tightly and just fell in love with him a little more. Because usually right about now any guy would be running for the hills but instead, Titus was making plans to stay and try to help her.

“Wanna stay at my house tonight?” Titus asked.

“Hell yeah.” Hazel nodded as Titus then turned to head to his house since Hazel already had enough of her things to stay there for a few months straight already.

Once back at his house, Titus put her dumplings in the fridge before he turned to face her, wanting to tell her a thousand different things all at once as he had thought about her predicament all day.

“So, if I wanted my house as secure and defend-able as possible, how would I go about that?” Titus asked her before she grabbed the shopping list pad off of his fridge and a pen and handed them to him.

“Take notes.” Hazel grinned as Titus returned her grin and took them before Hazel began to go through the whole house and tell him exactly how to accomplish that and insisted that she pay for it all because it would be getting quite costly but it was investment in Titus’ well being and would help her sleep easier at night.

[gotstory]

My 20 year old Idol Husband - [Day 10 - Can you trust me?]

20 yr old Jungkook, at the top of his idol boyband career, has a secret only he & his bandmates know – An underground relationship, with you, a girl he met at a fanmeeting. Things get a little out of hand and you find out you’re pregnant.

Read: Day 1 / Day 2 / Day 3 / Day 4 / Day 5 / Day 6 / Day 7 / Day 8 / Day 9 / Day 10

The smell of fresh coffee and warm bread perked you up the moment you went into Fan's kitchen. It was bright and airy, decorated with a mix of bright coloured flowers and pastel crockery.

She took her apron off and pushed a plate of breakfast in front of you, "My brother said you should eat. Is everything ok?" she asked with worry clouding her brows.

"Where's he though?" you looked around remembering he said he would be right back.

Fan only shrugged, "he's in his doctor's mode and being quiet."

Just as she said it, Jun appeared from the door with a small paper bag.

"Hey Jun, join us." You waved him over with a slight smile, trying to put aside the awkward moment you shared awhile ago. By the lead of his questions while examining you, he planted foreboding thoughts of uncertainty in your head.

"Oh, sure... " He sat beside you, placing the bag hidden away from the eyes of his sister.

You both ate in an awkward silence for some time until Fan could hold it no longer.

"So, what's wrong with Chae-rin? Is it a flu of some sort?" she asked.

Jun put down his utensils and shifted in his seat, "I can't quite determine it yet but..." He looked over to you, as if to ask for your permission to continue.

You put down your fork, "I don't think so. There aren't any of those symptoms... And... I feel fine now." You smiled at both of them, hoping it would assure them you were well. After all, it wasn't like they were obligated to nurse you back to health.

Jun waited quietly until you were done before he stood up from his seat.

"Chae-rin, I don't mean to be nosy but I think you might need this, just... to be safe."

He picked up the small paper bag and handed it to you rather shyly.

"The instructions are pretty simple but if you need help, let me know."

You were about to open the bag immediately, curious as to what it would be but he didn't let you. With outstretched arms he hurriedly clasped the brown paper bag shut, ushering you away. "Do it upstairs, go upstairs... In the room. Go on-"

Once you were behind closed doors, you carefully opened the bag only to see a pinkish box.

A pregnancy test kit?

You gasped.

No way, but...but....

You sat on the bed, staring at the little box. A million thoughts running through your mind.

What am I going to do if this thing tests positive? How am I going to face the world? And Jungkook? No, this can't be.

Your heart was pulsating so hard you could hear it in your ears. This wasn't what you were expecting from just that first encounter with Jungkook.

Yes - you did like him, very much indeed, but having a baby? That was just taking it way too far.

You slid the box back into the bag, feeling too overwhelmed to even take a second look at it.

Just -- just, tell me I'm dreaming.

------------------------------------------------------

Jungkook and the boys had landed back in Korea and they were going to get a one week break to head home to visit their families.

"Hey kookie," Jimin swung an arm around the younger boy, "I'm getting the train tickets tomorrow, should we leave in the morning?"

Jungkook had been toying with the idea of flying over to see you again but the long flight would really take a toll on him. "I'm not sure yet, hyung." he replied, "I'm kinda wondering if I should make a surprise visit to Chae-rin."

Jimin inhaled a sharp breath and put his hand over Jungkook's mouth, "if the manager hyung finds out, we'll be dead! We're supposed to head back home together!"

"I know... let me sleep over it and decide tomorrow."

Jimin eyed him suspiciously, "whatever it is, just -- don't do anything stupid."

When they arrived at the dorm, Jungkook just had a nagging feeling that you were hiding something from him. From the way you hung up after the call, it just didn't feel right. He too knew that you had your fair share of suitors and without letting others know that you were taken, he was feeling just that bit of insecurity.

When he was finally alone, he decided to text you. Message after message he typed, but hit the backspace until it frustrated him.

The distance and silence was driving his young heart crazy and his patience was wearing thin.

Ah, heck. I'm just gonna call.

---------------------------------------------------

"Chae-rin!" Fan called out from the kitchen to no response. She picked up your phone as it started to vibrate.

"Oh, it's Jungkook."

She made small quick steps up to the room, bursting in with an outstretched arm, waking you from your thoughts.

"Answer it, quick!" she said, as you put the phone to your ear.

You: H-he-hello?" Jk: Jagi-yah! You: Jungkook??

For the first time since yesterday, Fan saw you brighten up in delight. She gave you a nod and smile as she carefully shut the door behind her.

Jk: What took you so long to answer the call babe? Were you out partying without me? You: Yup I was, partying in the bedroom. Jk: Mwoh?! You: I'm kidding. Do I look like I would be doing that at my age?

Jungkook at that point was mentally kicking himself, not because he fell for your little tease but because it was getting to him that nothing was under his control.

Jk: Are you still at your friend's home? You: Yeah, I wasn't feeling too well so she had me stay over. Jk: What's wrong? Did something happen? Uh, Chae-rin ah, I should have known in when I saw you pale as a sheet. You: Hey, hey, go easy now. See, that's why I couldn't tell you? Jk: You know what, I'm coming over. You: No you're not. Don't be silly. I'm fine! Besides, there's a doctor here! I'm old enough to take care of myself. Jk: A doctor? Who. You: Oh, Fan's oppa is a doctor.

The conversation went silent for awhile.

Jk: (sighs) I just wish I was there. You: Hearing from you like this is good enough, Jungkook-ah. Don't feel bad? Jk: Anyway, how are you feeling, and what's wrong?

You went on to tell him about the slight discomfort you were having but omitted the parts about Jun handing you the kit.

You: I'm better now and will probably head home later tonight. Don't worry Jungkook, getting distracted is the last thing I want you to do.

You were almost pleading him, hoping that the amount of details you let out would somehow assure him that you weren't intentionally keeping things from him.

Jungkook tended to be a little obsessive and persistent in his ways, you found out, and the only way to get him to stop was basically to feed his curiosity to a point where he could wonder no more.

Jk: Sure? I'm gonna call your home tonight, to check on you.

He said it in a candid tone just to make you smile.

You: I'll be waiting then...

------------------------—----------------------

After a couple of movies and a simple dinner, you bid goodbye to Fan.

"I'll take the day off tomorrow to rest, I think I need it." you laughed and let out a sigh.

"You need a break babe, you've been working non-stop! Since the BTS concert!"

You shrugged, "what choice do I have? After those interviews were out, the boss wanted even more news and coverage. Saying how the artistes always seemed to let out exclusive stories when I was there."

"Wait till he hears your exclusive relationship" Fan wriggled her brows in a teasing manner at you.  "Alright get going, it's getting dark now!"

You made your way home to the empty house which you left the day before. Almost immediately, the phone rang.

You: Hello? JK: Ah, you're finally home. You: Jungkook? Isn't it midnight in Korea now? JK: Isn't it dark where you are now? You: I don't believe you! How'd you know I just got home? JK: Did you not see flowers at your door?

You briefly placed the phone on the table and opened the door again.

To your shock and surprise, there really WERE flowers - but not hung on the door, or laid on the floor. They were held in the hands of a man, whose face was shielded by it.

Under the dim light of the night, you faintly recognised his silhouette and the loosely flapping outer shirt.

"W-wha-what are you d-doing here, J-J-Jungkook?!"

You blinked continuously, wondering if the nausea was acting up as hallucination now. You were shocked beyond words as you could only stare wordlessly, with a dropped jaw.

"Wait a minute," you turned on your heels, leaving the door open as you rushed to the phone again and spoke into it.

You: Jungkook??

You held the phone, and simultaneously watched the figure at the door walk in, now revealing his face, with his phone to his ear as well.

JK: Jagi-yah, aren't you gonna let me in?

You let go of the phone in an instant as it fell to the floor, and ran into his open arms, wrapping your arms around his body and taking in that familiar scent you missed so dearly.

"OMO!" he stumbled a little at the force of your weight on him, "are you that happy to see me?" he whispered, gently hugging you back, relishing the long awaited moment with closed eyes.

You hit his chest lightly, "why didn't you tell me! I'd have come back earlier if I knew you were here..."

Gazing into his eyes, you realised he was just as how you left him, maybe a little thinner with more tired eyes, but still the same smiling sweetheart as you remembered him to be.

He held you close, examining your face with his eyes and a light caress.

"Why have you lost so much weight? Haven't you been sleeping well?" he asked, running his hands down the sides of your waist. "It hasn't even been 3 months and you're already missing me this much huh?" He teased.

You sat him down by the kitchen counter and started asking him a slew of questions while you got him a drink.

"When did you arrive? Weren't you just in Seoul when you called? Don't you need to head back soon? Does anyone else know you came?"

Jungkook laughed, pulling your wrist to have you closer to him.

"Have you lost your interviewing skills already? I don't think that's the way to ask questions."

You blushed, both at the proximity and at your foolishness.

"Well... I took the first available flight after I called you this morning and got here the moment I touched down. It's just Jiminie-hyung that knows I came, the rest assumes we've gone back to Busan for the break."

"Oh my..." you cupped his chin in your hands, noticing now that his dark circles were so deep. "You must be exhausted from all the travelling, Jungkook~ you really.... should take care of yourself..."

He pulled you onto his lap, holding tightly onto your waist. "That's your job... and that's why I'm here."

Your hand was almost going to take a swipe at his his arm when he lifted his arm to resist. Unintentionally, he pushed the little paper bag that sat at the table edge, onto the floor.

"Ah... just a minute." His arm was uselessly long at times like these, beating you to the bag as you held your breath while he reached for it.

You watched him pause mid-air while his body was bent over your legs.

He put the box back into the bag and set it on the table behind you. There was no doubt that he'd seen what it was though there was still a chance he didn't know what it was for.

You smiled, unsure. "Are you hungry? I can fix you some food, you must be tired."

Attempting to propel yourself off, you were surprised that he simply let you move off his lap and scoot back into the kitchen. You could feel his eyes on your back as you scurried back and forth the cupboards, your mind in a mess.

"How about ramen? Yea, I think I've got some..... hmm." You opened drawers and shut them, momentarily forgetting where they were.

He watched you, wordlessly, observing at a distance. It was obvious how you were flustered and he smiled, thinking how cute it was.

Of course, he was well aware what the box was and it hardly took him a minute to put two and two together. But since you were trying to feign ignorance, he played along to see just how long more you could keep up.

"They're on the right shelf." He pointed, calm as usual.

"Oh yeah!" You reached for it quickly, not sparing him a glance.

He watched you fumble with the packet and saw how the back of your neck was turning red from his steady gaze.

Walking over, he took the packet from your hands, pulled it open, and handed it back to you.

You bit your lip, holding the open packet. Debating internally if it was okay to begin addressing why you had a pregnancy test kit on your table.

He leaned his back against the edge of the counter and placed both his palms on them, looking at you.

The silence was harsher than questioning and it was almost deafening for you. He was quite a master at manipulating without words, with his tall but unassuming presence urging you on to spill what the matter was. He didn't even need to ask.

"I'm sorry." You blurted out of the blue.

"Whatever for?" he waited in question.

"You know..... ....." you gestured in the air to nothing much in particular, hoping he'd not make you spell it out.

"Nope." he pursed his lips together, stance remaining open and unchanged, showing you he was ready to hear you tell him anything.

"I... promised we'd keep no secrets. But..." fessing up was a lot harder than you imagined, it was taking a dig at your pride.

Finally he pushed himself off the counter and took a few strides and reached for the bag. You watched him approach you again, unable to read his expression since his lips were pursed. He took your hand in his, leaving the open ramen on the counter, and led you into your room.

You secretly wondered how he knew his way around your house when it was his first time here.

Sitting by the edge of your bed, he pat the spot beside motioning for you to take your seat.

Taking the box out of the bag, he looked at it carefully this time.

"I trust you, Chae-rin..."

Your heart skipped a beat when you heard him address you by name, it meant that he wasn't in the mood for jokes.

He continued, as he met your eyes, "....and always will. Can you not too?"

You felt a pang of guilt wash over you.

Holding the box out to you, he asked, ever so gently. "Were you going to use this... because, the doctor told you to?"

You held his gaze, and found yourself nodding like a child caught red-handed.

He shut his eyes, feeling a little dizzy. OMG, Jeon Jungkook.

[junker-town]

Another very deep dive into Tom Brady’s very weird social media, Buffalo Bills edition

The plot thickens, and we still have no idea who Croc is.

Thank god the Patriots won on Sunday. I say this every week when New England gets the W because I am a Patriots fan, but this week’s reason went beyond regional pride and deep, inexplicable fandom. This time, all I cared about was getting another edition of the TB Times, the cartoon newspaper that Tom Brady Tom Brady’s Social Media Guy posts to the quarterback’s Instagram and Facebook after a win.

Last week, you see, I went on a deep internet dive to try to figure out what these cartoons could possibly mean. I discovered that there is a crocodile named Croc who keeps popping up, but I have no idea what he represents, and I have become obsessed with figuring it out.

My friend Doug Kyed, a reporter for NESN in Foxboro, did me a solid and asked Brady about it at a press conference last Friday:

Asked Tom Brady about the crocodile that keeps showing up in the TB Times. He says we'll find out the connection and story at the end of the year. He's keeping us waiting.

— Doug Kyed (@DougKyed) December 1, 2017

I don’t have a working theory that satisfies me. Readers have suggested Croc represents everything from the “crocodile tears” (inauthentic displays of emotion) Brady’s haters have accused him of crying, to his wife Gisele Bunchen, to Bill Belichick, to the shoe company Crocs. You guys are getting into it, especially one guy named Thom who sent me this and should probably chill:

“Brady is releasing a spinoff version of “Crocs” with an Alligator based name (get it?)-The spirit of Aaron Hernandez, a Florida Gator, lives with Brady forever because Tom was the one who committed those heinous acts while the Patriots organization framed the less-vital Hernandez for the murders.”

Someone in the comments last week also suggested this could be Brady’s homage to the original Patriots’ program illustrator Phil Bissell, and if you image search it, that makes a lot of sense.

I think Belichick as Croc is somewhat compelling, but that doesn’t explain why Croc had dreadlocks last week. Also, this week Belichick appears in the foreground of the cartoon and Croc is in the background, which makes Belichick as Croc less probable. Because when someone asks, “Well, has anyone ever seen Belichick and Croc in the same room together?” it’s like, yeah, we have. Right here.

I think Croc most likely represents something more metaphorical than physical, but I’m not ready to say what that is yet. Keep the submissions coming, though:

And a theory that makes a lot of sense from Jordan even though he thinks I work at Bleacher Report, which I don't http://pic.twitter.com/VMaupaER27

— Charlotte Wilder (@TheWilderThings) November 28, 2017

Now, let’s get into this week’s edition:

#tbtimes

A post shared by Tom Brady (@tombrady) on Dec 3, 2017 at 1:13pm PST

This one cartoon makes way more sense than last week’s, which looked like something someone on mushrooms who just went scuba diving would’ve come up with. The Patriots beat the Bills this week, so the image above shows a bunch of Bills lined up for an audition as Belichick says to Brady that he isn’t impressed.

But just because there’s some method in this madness doesn’t mean there isn’t a whole lot of madness, too. The Bills pictured here are those of the Gates, Murray, Hader, Crystal, and Will Smith varieties.

I’m not sure these are the first famous Bills I would’ve thought to depict. Interestingly enough, however, when you Google “famous Bills,” one of the first articles that comes up is this one from Ranker. And the first Bills they list are:

Bill Clinton (too political, and there’s also the whole Patriots-Trump thing which we are not going to get into right now).

Bill Murray ✅

Billy Crystal ✅

Billy Joel (my theory is given that Billy Joel sings “Movin’ Out” and “Only the Good Die Young” and “New York State of Mind,” the risk of fans seeing this as a sign that Brady is leaving the Patriots was too great)

Bill Cosby (super not an option anymore)

Bill Gates ✅

Bill O’Reilly (also super not an option anymore and too political anyway)

And then about five or six "Williams" later we get to ...

... Bill Hader ✅

All of these cartoons are signed D.K., and whoever D.K. is appears to rely heavily on the internet to create these cartoons. Or perhaps it’s the Mysterious Social Media Guy Who Doesn’t Want To Be Named (who will henceforth be referred to as S.M.G), who then tells D.K. what to draw.

When it comes to how the Bills are depicted, I have some answers and some questions.

I was raised on Bill Murray’s movies and all of his SNL skits (thanks, Dad), so I was therefore immediately able to tell that the bathrobe was from the poster/DVD cover/hotel room scene of Lost in Translation:

Story checks out:

This is not the first image I would’ve chosen for Bill Murray. I would’ve gone with something more iconic: Steve Zissou from The Life Aquaric, Carl from Caddyshack, Phil from Groundhog Day, or even Walt Bishop in Moonrise Kingdom wearing madras pants and no shirt (“I'll be out back, I'm going to find a tree to chop down”) before I got to this bad (that’s right, I said it) Sofia Coppola film.

But that got me thinking: If D.K. or S.M.G. simply Googled “famous Bills” to come up with famous Bills, they probably just Googled each individual Bill to find pictures of him. So I searched Bill Murray in Google images, and, sure enough, the picture above popped up in one of the first two rows.

I then searched Bill Gates, and sure enough, one of the first images that came up was this one:

Which looks an awful lot like the drawing of Gates in the TB Times:

This photo comes from a Forbes article published in August about how Gates joined Instagram while he was in Tanzania. But the photo is from a press conference where Gates showed a Motorola running Microsoft software in 2006, according to the caption. Someone should also tell D.K. or S.M.G. that just because Gates was holding a janky-ass version of a BlackBerry eleven years ago, doesn’t mean they can’t take artistic license with the art and make him hold, say, a droid. Or, I don’t know, nothing. He doesn’t have to be holding anything. The world is your oyster when you’re the creator of the TB Times.

Anyway, my Google theory ran into some issues when it comes to the Bill Hader image. This is the one that’s puzzling me the most, because I can’t figure out where it’s from. I went through Hader’s entire IMDB history and searched the images from every single movie and TV show he’s been in and I still can’t find it.

Here’s what my search history looked like after this exercise in frustration, which I am only somewhat embarrassed to tell you took about 45 minutes:

I don’t know if this means the image doesn’t exist and the one Bill they decided to take artistic license with was Hader (which would be weird), or if I just can’t find it. Regardless, he looks very flirty. Let’s zoom in for a second, because he’s really eying Bill and Tom in that sexy crop top:

If anyone knows where that image is from, please let me know.

I think this might be the photo they used for Billy Crystal, but with his hands down:

Kind of works, right?

Now time for Will “Bill” Smith. Yup, sure enough, in the fourth row of Google images there’s this:

Which became this:

Which answers my main question, which is why does Will Smith have a mustache here?

I took you through this process with me because I want to suggest that the TB Times might not be quite as well thought out as we think they are. In some respects, I think they probably contain many cryptic images. But in others, I think we’re reading too much into it. For example, there might be no rhyme or reason as to why Croc had dreadlocks last week. It could just be that D.K. or S.M.G thought it would be funny, or that somewhere in the depths of Google there is a photo of a crocodile with dreadlocks.

I also wanted to dispel with the notion that any of these Bills contain messages themselves. I’m pretty sure they’re simply random, as determined by a Google search. Except for the Bill Hader one — not a goddamn clue what’s going on there.

That brings us to the actual cryptic stuff, which is in this case Billy Crystal’s hand and the key in Croc’s...paw? Claw? I ran into the problem of what to call Croc’s hands last week, too. Gonna go with claw.

You’ll notice that Billy Crystal is participating in the Circle Game. This is a neat little prank that we used to play in elementary school. If you got someone to look down at your hand as you made that gesture, you got to punch them. You’d be like, “check out this pen” and your friend would look at your hand, but instead of a pen you’d be making a circle with your fingers, and then you’d be allowed to wind up and nail your friend in the arm. Looking back, I wonder how any of us matured enough to stay alive.

In other news: Billy Crystal gets to punch all of us now.

Here’s my favorite theory about this cartoon that someone named CJ sent me:

Hi,

I think it’s an alligator... and he’s saying “later alligator”

Like this is his goodbye tour.

CJ

Unfortunately, I think CJ is wrong. I think the key is a reference to the fact that Croc holds the keys to the secret of who or what he represents. If any of this is a direct message to those of us, like myself, who have become obsessed with figuring out what is going on with the TB Times, I think it’s this. Perhaps it’s an answer to the several emails I have sent to asktombrady@gmail.com.

I just realized there's an email address under the picture of Tom Brady as a psychic on the TB Times cover from week 2 so I emailed it and it DIDN'T BOUNCE!!! Will keep you posted if I hear back http://pic.twitter.com/KC8Rir4b5q

— Charlotte Wilder (@TheWilderThings) November 28, 2017

Or maybe no one in Brady’s camp knows what they’re doing here and has no idea what Croc represents and now they’re in too deep.

Seriously. Perhaps this started as a prank — which Crystal’s hand could be a nod to — to see how far blindly faithful Patriots fans would go before they started to question how weird Brady’s social media was getting. And maybe now the TB12 camp finds themselves backed into a corner because so many of us care so much, so they’re trying to throw us off the scent and bide time while they come up with a satisfying answer. Maybe the key represents the fact that both S.M.G. and D.K. will remain locked in the basement of a TB12 workout center with only lentils for sustenance until they find one.

Only time will tell. For now, all I know is that if the Patriots don’t win every game from hereon out I will be devastated, and it will have nothing to do with football.