#yes I might be a littttttle high

[ladyofstardust]

Love is a Glitter Cannon in an Empty Pool

Word Count: 3.8k

Rating: T

Summary: In which Sarah gets her hands on a glitter cannon, owes 500 will o wisps a favour, and gives Jareth old cereal for his birthday. Everything goes exactly to plan.

Notes: Apartment-verse fic.  Set after the events of Carol of the Goblins.  I’m also posting them over at Ao3 in order if you’d prefer to read that way.

So true funny how it seems Always in time, but never in line for dreams Head over heels when toe to toe This is the sound of my soul

- True, Spandau Ballet

“Can you,” Sarah huffed, pushing on the extremely heavy iron base.  “Lift up the front just a littttttle? I just…want to get it into…the deep end.”

“Man, you are lucky I’m even letting you borrow this thing, let alone having me carry it into this pool.  It’s too heavy for that Sarah!” Laurel complained, letting the front of the cannon drop with a thud.

“No one will know!” She said, the base of the cannon unmoving against her shoulder.  “I promise we won’t break it.”

“You promise a lot of things for a woman trying to push a glitter cannon into an empty pool,” Laurel said appraising the situation.  “I’m half convinced you only picked this day because you knew I had that wedding to attend and cannot watch the absolute shitstorm this will be.”

“It won’t be a shitstorm, it’s going to be a glitter storm.” Sarah corrected, finally giving up the ghost on the glitter cannon, settling for its place in the shallow end.  “Also it’s his birthday, I didn’t pick it!”

This was…mostly true.  She knew Jareth had a birthday - everyone had a birthday!  But she didn’t know when it was. In fact, she was pretty sure he didn’t know either.  She’d bugged him and asked him enough, and every time he gave her a different date. Some of them weren’t even real dates as the 47th of Mercury wasn’t really something she could find on any of her calendars.  So the next time he threw out a (real) date she decided to run with it. His fault for not being more specific.

She’d been planning this for the last three months.  He was always doing these surprise romantic things for her.  It was easy enough for him to take her to Prague on a whim, or twirl her around skating on the frozen over bog.  Fine, points to King. But she had a friend who was an operations assistant for the local baseball team. The local baseball team that so happened to be in off-season.  That so happened to be in off-season with a currently unused glitter cannon. Then she found out her parents were going out of town, and their pool would be drained for the season, and the whole thing just started coming together.  

But Laurel couldn’t be there.  Sarah knew there was no way in hell she was getting unfettered access to that glitter cannon without Laurel insisting on attending.  Which in fairness, given that Sarah and Jareth had been a “thing” now for a while, Laurel was past irritated and solidly into suspicion.  She completely lucked out that her friend had to go to her brother’s wedding that weekend and couldn’t be there. This was her glittery shot for romance GK style and she was going all out.  

“Why does he like glitter so much anyways?” Laurel asked.  “It doesn’t even have a purpose.”

“Says the woman with the glitter cannon,” Sarah said with a smirk.  “And who even knows - maybe he was dropped on his head in the middle of studio 54 as an infant and the glitter invaded his cerebral cortex.  Or maybe David Bowie came to him in a dream and told him to be Glitter King henceforth. Or maybe he’s secretly a magpie and is just really into shiny things.  The possibilities are endless.”

“So, I mostly know you’re joking, but given some of the things you’ve told me about him in the past, I’m unwilling to rule anything out.”

“That’s the right call.  Last time I made an assumption about him I ended up flat on my back.  Well…actually that ended up going pretty well for me eyyyy” she said holding out her hand for a high five.

“Dude.”  Laurel deadpanned.

“Listen buddy, you were the one pushing us to start banging.  Now either give me a high five like a good friend or go inside and get the smoke machine.”

With a sigh, Laurel lifted her hand for the high five and Sarah forcefully returned it.

“Do you guys just spend all your time together having sex and high fiving about it after?”

“Pretty much!” Sarah grinned, running into the house to search for the aforementioned smoke machine.

“You’re gross!” Laurel called after her.

“Nope just happy!  Deal with it!” Sarah shouted behind her.  

Sarah started digging under the kitchen sink for the smoke machine.  Laurel had offered to lend hers, but Sarah actually had a few from a halloween party her parents threw a few years ago, and they wouldn’t notice if say, a goblin decided to turn it into a vomiting purple goop machine.  Sarah sighed thinking of her poor George Foreman grill. Forever ruined, sitting with the rest of the electronic graveyard in her apartment storage locker.

“My lady, where did you want the wisps?”  Sir Didymus asked from behind her, gesturing to a large glowing collection that someone might mistake for fireflies, but it was likely to be their last mistake.

“Just take them into the basement for the next half hour or so, I still have humans around.”

Sir Didymus nodded once and called to the will o’wisps to join him.  Sarah still had to pick up a few things for the party, Karen didn’t keep non-healthy snacks in the house, but Sarah knew Toby had a secret stash of Mars Bars and Fritos under his bed.  But she wouldn’t do him like that, he was already mad at her that she wouldn’t admit her boyfriend was the Goblin King. But there was no way in hell she was risking letting that slip in front of Karen or her dad, and twelve year old boys were never the pinnacle of discretion.  

Laurel promised to finish setting up the cannon before she left (but not before extorting a promise that she’d get photos of the end result), and Sir Didymus was busy coaching the wisps for their parts in the basement.  How he managed to get over 500 will o’ wisps to agree to this was a question for another time, but she was grateful he pulled it off. Sir Didymus loved his king, and would do anything he asked. But for Sarah he’d move worlds and she knew this.  Jareth knew it too, she suspected he encouraged her friend’s behaviour.

When Sarah returned after a very fruitful snack run, she noticed her friend had done her a solid and also set up the smoke machine as well.  Pool emptied out, and cannon and smoke firmly in place, Sarah spent the rest of the afternoon putting on her best taffeta and aqua-netted look, getting all the snacks in order and hooking up her old boombox before she declared the situation Ready for Party Time.  

She chose the pool as party central because she both wanted to contain the glitter, but didn’t want anyone peering over fences and happening to catch a glimpse of any magical mayhem.  The pool was both outside, and slightly hidden from view, as long as they stayed in the deep end. Plus it kinda looked like a middle school gymnasium with all the water gone and decorated with crepe paper.  This was exactly the look she was going for and Sarah was pleased.

“Didymus, are the wisps ready on my call?” She cried out to her friend, who was standing on the diving board, preparing to conduct the wisps like a maestro.

“Ready whenever you are my lady!”  

“Okay Didymus, cue the smoke machines!”  

The pool began to fill with a slightly stale smelling fog and Sarah hit play on the boombox.  

“Alright folks,” she said to no one in particular.  “I wish the King of the Goblins would come and party with me right now!”  

“What. In. Stars. ”  She heard him deadpan from across the pool.  

That was her cue.  Covering her ears, she let off the cannon and the large boom it made nearly knocked her over, but it began to rain glitter into the pool.  The will o wisps began dancing in an array of neon colours giving their best impression of the laser light show she’d shown them, and Spandau Ballet’s True echoed against the pool’s walls.  The hundred or so balloons she had managed to get the goblins to actually blow up, drifted along with the smoke and glitter and Sarah thought it had all come together rather perfectly.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY JARETH!”  She ran towards him and threw her arms around his neck kissing him.  

“I don’t…have a birthday?”  He said confused looking around at the scene.

“Of course you do, just because you don’t remember it doesn’t mean it isn’t there.  This was the date you gave me last time I asked, so I decided from henceforth, today is your birthday.  I don’t get enough opportunities to celebrate you, because despite my snarking you’re pretty freaking great.  Also you can’t call dibs on all grand romantic gestures, and I needed some points in the good girlfriend column.”

“You’ve already a good girlfriend…and I’m not sure I understand. Are those…will o wisps?  Pretending to be … lasers?”

“I’m frankly shocked you know what a laser is but yes.  Welcome to your 80s music dance party. Featuring all the trimmings.  I’ve got 80s themed snacks, 80s themed smoke, 80s themed will o wisps and the goblins are all wearing neon sweatbands, and have gotten really into Karen’s old Jane Fonda workout tapes, so they’ll be completely out of our hair.  

“You did all this for me?” He said looking around at the scene.  The glitter was still raining down into the pool and Sarah felt her stomach turn.  Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, maybe there was a reason he didn’t celebrate his birthday.

“I did,” she said nervously.  “Because I love you, like a lot.  So if you hate this I’ll stop it right now and we can just go inside and watch the goblins learn jazzercise.”

He broke into a grin and kissed the top of her head affectionately.  

“I love it.  You’re the best girlfriend in this world or any other, title to Ms. Sarah Williams, I’ll arrange for your sash and sceptre in the morning.  I’m completely surprised, but admittedly this does explain a few things.”

“Yeah…yeah…I kinda thought there might be leaks on this plan.” She wasn’t so optimistic to think that there was any way to keep roughly 30 goblins sworn to secrecy but she figured that Jareth would hear “laser light show” from goblins and assume…well she didn’t think he’d jump to surprise birthday party at least.

“So what now?” He asked, catching a piece of falling glitter on his palm.

“Now we slow dance like middle schoolers.” She said seriously, placing her hands on his shoulders.  He went to place his hands in the proper dance positions but she swatted them away. “I said middle school!  Hands on shoulders mister and they better not wander.”

“But it’s my birthday,” he whined.

“Only technically,” she said rolling her eyes.  “Besides we’re going to do this right. I am committed to the theme.”

They swayed quietly to the echoing synthesizers for a few minutes until the song changed.  At which point Jareth took his opportunity to pull her closer.

“Middle school’s over,” he said giving her a twirl.  “Though I notice your dancing has improved significantly.”

Sarah couldn’t hid her pleased smile.  “Yeah I’ve been watching some youtube videos.  Something about fifty goddamn years of dance is real intimidating and...I actually had fun at the last faerie ball and you know, I could be convinced to go again.”

Jareth’s grin could have split the night it was so wide.  “They’re much more enjoyable with you, I’d actually go to more of them if you were with me.”

“Do you want to go to more of them?  I’ll go to any of the ones I’m expected to be at as Official Goblin Girlfriend but honestly I’d rather spend my Saturday nights watching movies on the couch with you.  They’re fun on occasion though. Too much Fae time is bad for the brain.”

“This is true,” he agreed.  “But I think we should avoid Samhain for the next little while as it’s always…a bit much.”

“Yeah ok fair enough,” she said.  “Besides I already have our couple’s costume planned out.”

“Sarah I don’t dress up for Samhain it’s an important date Underground and - what why are you smiling like that?” He said stopping mid-sentence.  

“Because I was gonna let you go as Elton John…” she said with a grin.  “I could go as Princess Di and you could do your trick with the fire again.”

“I’d rather not,” he said, brow furrowing in concern.

“Oh would that be because it wasn’t a trick and instead it was just you lighting me on fire?” She said, sticking out her tongue.  “What about all that ‘no Sarah, I promise it was very safe, just magic I swear I didn’t accidentally throw a fireball inside’ talk hmm?”

“I’m going to remind you again that it is my birthday and I should not have to answer questions regarding highly flammable outerwear,” he said deftly avoiding her question.

“Yeah whatever,” she rolled her eyes.  “You still owe me a new scarf.”

“Do you not have a running invoice at this point?” He teased.  “I’m fairly certain I’m several thousand in debt by this point.”

“Once you start factoring in the Goblins it does start getting up there,” she said.  “But what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is a forfeited security deposit so one of us is going to have to do some fancy talking when it comes time for me to move out.”

“Move out?” He stopped dancing.  “For what possible reason? Where would you go?  Why do you feel the need to move?”

“Hey whoa,” she said pulling him toward the snack table.  “I’m not planning on moving anytime soon. I mean, I’ve thought about it of course.  My apartment was never designed to be the nexus of weirdness and goblin halfway house it seems to have grown into but it…kinda is now?  To be honest I’ve spent more time wondering if there’s any way you could expand it so we had more room for our friends and goblins without them encroaching into our bedroom.”

“I looked into it, while it was achievable it was unlikely to be reversible.  Presenting a bit of a challenge for the next lodger after you.”

“I thought you didn’t want me moving,” she said with an arched brow.  

“Let’s just say I had a few thoughts of my own, I just thought I might be consulted before making any decisions,” he trailed off.  

“And you will be, because a glitter cannon in an empty pool says that where you go I go,” she pointed to the cannon in the corner which was now sort of sadly puking out small puffs of glitter and giving her strange high school prom flashbacks.  

“I suppose I always assumed after you left your apartment it would be to move into the castle,” he said, pouring a glass of Tang.  

“It might be,” she said with a noncommittal shrug.  “I dunno, like I said, I wasn’t planning on moving out anytime soon.  But I mean, I think we both like having a place Aboveground to call our own. I know you have all those other properties under your name though, so I was more thinking that might be a good next step.  Moving into one of your houses together. But not today.”

“Why not today?” He asked, taking a sip of Tang.  The face he pulled was, in Sarah’s estimation, 100% worth pushing a glitter cannon into a pool for.  “What is this appalling drink?”

“Tang,” Sarah said, opting for a crystal Pepsi instead.  “And because last I checked the only one paying rent on my place was me.  I’m also the one who has the utilities in their name, and the internet though to be honest it might…actually be Hoggle on my cable package.  He loves HBO.

“I like being self-sufficient, this isn’t news,” she popped a Frito into her mouth.  “If I move into one of your guaranteed ridiculously over the top homes, it’s just a hop skip and a jump from there into kept woman territory.  I know I can keep my job, but God I hate my job. If I didn’t have to do it…I’m not sure I would.”

“Something tells me this has less to do with you than it does Linda,” Jareth replied carefully, waving away the Tang and producing something that smelled distinctly like Goblin Ale.

“Yeah well, that’s the thing isn’t it?  Mommy issues run deep and true, and unfortunately they don’t die with their human counterpart,” she said.  “But regardless, I’m not down to live in some brownstone downtown just yet.”

“I was more thinking Upper Nyack,” he said glancing around her parent’s expansive backyard.  “I’m feeling a bit sentimental about this town and I enjoy your parent’s company.”

“You’re just saying that because my Dad promised to take you to a Rod Stewart concert.  Which by the way, might actually kill me.  If I wasn’t so worried about what you two would talk about I’d be coming down with a terrible flu.”

“Nice try Sarah,” he laughed.  “What was it you said, ah yes, half the fun is seeing your face.”

“Ughhhh,” she whined, throwing her head back.  “I hate that you like dad rock.”

“Consider it my birthday gift precious,” he said, kissing her on the tip of her nose.  

“Yeah and what was all this then,” she said in mock indignation, gesturing around the fog and glitter laden pool.  

“A wonderful surprise,” he grinned.  “Though I still don’t quite understand how Sir Didymus managed to get the wisps involved.  They are not known for taking direction well.”

“Oh what won’t Didymus do for me,” she said waving him off.  “Honestly, I feel I could ask him for the moon and he’d start building a ladder.”

He’s not the only one,” Jareth replied.

“I think I proved I’d build a ladder for you too tonight,” she pointed out.  “A ladder made of Funyuns and Red Vines.”

“Is there anything on this table that isn’t decades past its expiration date, or comprised of pure sugared rubber?” He said, looking unhappily at the snack table.  

“Uh there might be,” Sarah said glancing at the table filled with technicolor treats.  “But I don’t know why you’d want to eat it. Corn syrup and aspartame is the backbone of this country.”

“Is this really what you ate during your childhood,” he said, gesturing to the bowl of Smurf Berry Crunch.  “I don’t even know what species this is supposed to be.”

“Yeah I actually…don’t know?” she said tilting her head to look at the box.  “Also there was only one girl smurf, Smurfette. Which raises a lot more questions.”

“Has this been in your step-mother’s cupboard this whole time?”

“Haha no way,” Sarah laughed shaking her head.  “Karen’s way too fastidious for that. No I got some of it off eBay, some of it from the basement where she never goes, but this was an eBay find.”

“You got me used cereal for my birthday?” He said, raising a single eyebrow at her.

“It’s not used, the box isn’t even open.” She said, grabbing the box.  “Also it’s got so much sugar in it there’s no way it can actually go bad.  It’s fine. I’m sure it’s fine. Pretty sure.”

“Forgive me if you don’t fill me with confidence love,” he said, delicately taking the box out of her hands.  “But have you considered, there are food options that don’t carry such a caveat of ‘pretty sure’.”

“Goblin Ale is not one of those options,” she said pointing to the glass in his hand.

“Perhaps then the saying, better the devil you know,” he said, taking a long sip.

“You’ve gotten a lot of mileage out of that saying,” she said, sniffing his glass.  “Every time I smell or decide to do something stupid like taste the thing it’s different.”

“Funny you should mention that,” he said.  “The goblins don’t actually have a word for drink.  All drinks are called ale and all ale is a drink. They are synonyms to them.”

“Yeah stuff like that is the reason I have to hide my blender,” she said sighing and taking a sip of his drink.  It burned worse than the cheapest tequila. “It still tastes like death.”

“Well it’s an acquired taste,” he said rolling his eyes, and taking his drink back from her.  “Just like you.”

“Just like you,” she said, giving him a playful poke.  “Though I did try tonight. So if there’s something missing here that you’re looking for, you have my permission to magic it in.”

“No strings?” He said with a wicked glint in his eye.

“Please do not make me regret saying this,” she said, raking a hand down her face.  “Something nice maybe?”

“I have just the thing,” he winked.  

It took Sarah a second to realize what he’d done.  Then she noticed there wasn’t any music playing. The “lasers” were gone.  She also didn’t hear any of Sir Didymus’ shrieks about the wisps breaking formation.  

“Did you just bog everyone?!” She said, anxiously looking around the pool for any errant wisps.  

“I sent them home.” He said.  “Where they are more than welcome to continue celebrating my non-birthday.”

“Jareth I’m not going to have sex with you on the floor of my parent’s drained pool no matter how real your birthday is,” she said crossing her arms.

“While I won’t say the thought didn’t occur to me,” he said, leading her back towards the epicentre of the glitter cannon explosion.  “That’s not why. Well, it might be why later.”

“It’s not,” she said.

“Nevertheless!” He replied brightly.  “Look up Sarah.”

Sarah looked towards the sky and was surprised to see a full meteor shower happening all around them.  Down into her parent’s pool, the glitter cannon started spurting again, and Jareth restarted the music.

“Better than lasers?” He asked her with a smirk.

“Always gotta show me up huh?” She said grinning.  “Yeah that’ll do pig, that’ll do.”

“Pig?”  

“Babe,” she said giving him a kiss on the nose.

“Yes?”  

“Don’t worry about it,” she said with a laugh. She wrapped her arms around him and looked back up towards the meteor lit sky.  “Happy Birthday Jareth, let’s watch these stars fall.”

[abiteofnat]

I’m Sorry I Like Valentine’s Day

Because relationship or not, I'm a sucker for a day that’s supposedly about celebrating love. Valentine’s Day in middle school was the best day ever, because you got to buy corny little cards with puppies on them and go home with a box full of notes and candy from your classmates. My parents have always gotten my sister and I a small gift, and we get hot chocolate with red sprinkles all over the whipped cream. 

As I watched the Big Mouth Valentine’s Day special while brainstorming a post for Valentine’s Day, I was struck by how intensely people hate a holiday that’s supposed to celebrate love. It’s insane to me how on February 14, you’re entirely disliked if you’re in love and happy, and everyone sulks around with metaphorical hoods / knee-high Converse on muttering “gross” to themselves like a kermudgen. People can’t simply feel happy for people that are happy, and instead take everything coated in pink sprinkles and shaped like a heart as a very PERSONAL, INTENTIONAL jab to the jugular. I promise, Dunkin Donuts didn’t make an array of festive donuts with your love life in mind. It’s just sometimes fun to put pink frosting on stuff! Why can’t that be fun! 

So, instead of writing a post about the most romantic places to go or the best way to woo your significant other, I'm going to write a guide for how to survive the day and maybe, just maybe, not curse the fact you’re forced to witness society on another Hallmark holiday. Enjoy, or don’t! Literally no one is making you take part in Valentine’s Day if you don’t want to!

Buy yourself your favorite drink at a coffee shop. 

Here are some of the most delicious drinks that you can sip while scowling. 

-Draft Latte from La Colombe: If you’ve never gotten a draft latte from La Colombe, you have not tasted liquid velvet. The whole-milk latte pours like a draft beer, and settles with the ideal level of foam on top. Smooth espresso swirled in begs for a pinch of raw sugar to make it a littttttle sweet, and if you’re going to sit in the shop for a minute get some ice on the side so you can keep it nice and cool while you work. 

-Cappuccino from Eataly: Their cappuccino is done beautifully, and there’s a bunch of goodies near the coffee bar in the first level that scream “TREAT YOURSELF.” Get a gelato sundae from the bar, or a biscotti that tastes like almond, butter and a touch of cocoa. Also, lots of people might be on dates in the upstairs dining area, so feel free to go pursue the wine selections and swear at anyone enjoying a plate of pasta while being in love. 

Go to a Blackhawks Game. 

Need to release some tension after hearing about coworkers plans for the night all day? Go to the Blackhawks game at the United Center on February 14, and get the free blanket all attendees get that night! You can scream for a good two hours and no one will judge you, and you'll have a cozy blanket to cuddle with. Win-win. And there’s booze! So much booze!

Go grab dinner somewhere with great food and wine.

Yes, I’m being serious. Valentine’s Day is not the apocalypse. If anything, it’s the one day everyone should splurge on an amazing meal and a glass of wine as a gift to themselves, because hopefully you love yourself enough to know you deserve that EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. NO MATTER WHAT. Go to your favorite restaurant, invite a friend or bring a loved one, order your favorite meal, and get the best drink the bartender can make. Make yourself feel ten times more special than anyone else ever could, and I promise you will feel fuckin’ amazing.

-3 Arts Club Cafe: If anywhere is going to make you feel like a princess/prince, it’s this place. Settle back into a couch made by God, order the Malbec, and get the Truffled Grilled Cheese with french fries and a billion cups of the garlic aioli. You can’t frown while enjoying any of that- it’s just not possible. 

-Gilt Bar: This is where I’ll be on Valentine’s Day, shoveling pasta and bread and at least one mojito down my gullet. It’s low-lit, and feels a little bit like a sexy cave. Everyone in there looks like they smell good. And there’s a bar downstairs called The Library with $5 glasses of house wine, BOOYA. 

-Takito Kitchen: Go to this Wicker Park spot for their queso, and only their queso. The tacos are aight, the mimosas are good any ole time of day, but that queso is NUTS. It’s the perfect amount of salty, melty, flavorful and packed with jalapeños if you're into that.

-Get a donut at Stan’s Donuts, or head to Sprinkles Cupcakes for a wholesome cupcake treat. Get six. Why not. There’s nothing more satisfying than a box of assorted cupcakes, begging to be smashed. 

Seriously y’all, please treat yourselves with the most love and attention you ever have this week, because you deserve it no matter who you are and no matter who loves you. Love yourself. Feed yourself good food. Award yourself good treats. It’s a day about love, so remind yourself you deserve the world. 

And- I’m gonna do a giveaway on Instagram celebrating some self love. So keep your eyes peeled!!!

Until next time, Happy Eating! And Happy Valentine’s Day! 

-Natalie