#yes this IS related to that one mini comic i did to the lyrics of “part of me” by birdeatsbaby

[laidback-thrills]

horrid cunt for an AU

Lucy. Levi. come get your man please . He's going insane

[knickynoo]

BTTF Headcanons

As suggested by the wonderful @tsukinikawatteus, I’ve put together some of my headcanons. Honestly, these are going to revolve solely around Doc & Marty, because I don’t really have any developed ones involving other characters.

I’ll hide it under a ‘read more ’ in case it gets too long and ramble-y. Which it will, because this is me we’re talking about.

First, I’ll answer the ones I got in the ask.

- How Doc & Marty met: For this one, I just go by the official Bob Gale answer that Marty was 13 or 14, had heard rumors about the crazy old scientist in town, & snuck into Doc’s lab one day & got caught. The comic series actually shows this event happening, but I tend to dismiss that version because honestly, I don’t like the way it’s handled. (Plus Bob Gale has said that the comics/game/etc can be take it or leave it as considered canon, so yay) Anyway, I imagine a young Marty hearing all these whispers around town about Doc and being curious. Maybe he was looking for danger/adventure in going to investigate, but I also like to think that part of Marty felt sorry for this guy who everyone seemed to look down on. So he made his way over to Doc’s lab to see what the deal was & was initially scared when he got caught. But he saw all the cool experiments and the general chaos & was totally into it.  (And btw, in my headcanon, Marty is the one who first refers to him as Doc & establishes it as his “name,” unlike the comic version where Doc tells Marty to call him that?? Def didn’t like that part.)

- When they started to consider each other best friends/what impact did they have on each other’s life: I’d say they considered the other a best friend pretty quickly. Doc was absolutely thrilled to discover that this kid thought he was awesome & was so interested in his work. After spending so much of his life without true connections or relationships, having Marty around really changed Doc’s life. He finally had someone (aside from Einstein) to talk to about all of his experiments and the science behind them.

The same goes for Marty considering Doc a best friend. Seeing as he was growing up in such a dysfunctional environment, with parents who probably weren’t super attentive or close to him, he loved being around Doc. Not only was he treated as an equal, he also had someone to listen to him, which he didn’t get at home. He found encouragement and felt respected around Doc. Plus, my general headcanon is that Marty really doesn’t have other friends & was always kind of an outsider.

Now onto some of my other headcanons....

- As I mentioned above, I don’t see Marty as a guy with many friends. He’s friendly towards a lot of people, but doesn’t have a specific group he belongs to. He really only interacts with his band mates while he’s at practice & it’s more of a business situation than a friendship. Marty gets to practice, runs the show (playing sick guitar riffs) & then just leaves. His band mates serve as a convenient cover story for when he wants to go somewhere with Jennifer, but that’s pretty much it. He has three friends, ok? And one of them is an animal.

- Upon finally settling into the improved ‘85 timeline, once all the time-traveling was over, things were understandably very jarring to Marty. One of the things he found hardest to adjust to was the sudden affection from his parents, namely the good morning hugs & kisses like we see Lorraine give him at the end of the first movie. Marty was previously used to spending the mornings in solitude since his father would already be at work & his mom would sleep in (often because she was still out of it from drinking the night before). The idea of family breakfasts & being greeted so warmly when he woke up, and when he got home from school, was super weird to him at first.

- Marty has ADHD. (this seems to be a very common headcanon, lol). Doc, being the kind of guy who’s interested in a wide variety of topics, came across some research & information on it at some point & instantly recognized the signs in his friend. When Marty came over one day, frustrated after a particularly rough day at school, he sat him down & talked to him about his suspicions. And since Doc was well aware of the lack of potential support (because this is the 80s after all, & SO many people with ADHD just didn’t have resources to get help), he took on the role of giving Marty advice and tips on how he could cope with it.

- Related to above point: Marty found that wearing layers helped keep him calm/feel grounded, hence why our boy rocks the t-shirt/button up/jean jacket/puffy vest look. And honestly, the suspenders might play a role in that too, since they put subtle pressure on part of the chest/shoulders/back. This also explains the leather jacket from part II! Aside from just thinking it looked awesome (and perfectly inconspicuous), Marty liked that it was a thick, weighted material.

-Doc is autistic. As he was diving into the world of research concerning ADHD & other various conditions, he came across a series of studies on Asperger’s syndrome & instantly connected the information with his own childhood and current life. Since he grew up feeling isolated from his peers & like nobody understood him, reading through the studies made him feel like he had found an answer. (A fact nobody asked for: the first study printed in English on Asperger’s syndrome was released in 1981. Yes, I checked to make sure this headcanon would be possible.)

-Doc set up a bed for Marty in the garage partially for the nights they were working late & his friend was too tired to head home, but also because he realized that a lot of the time, Marty simply didn’t want to be at home. Marty got into the habit of sleeping in his clothes so that at any given moment he could head over to Doc’s garage if he needed to. Doc made it clear to him that he was welcome anytime & doesn’t bat an eye when the boy wanders in at night & flops down into the bed.

-For Doc’s birthday, Marty went out & bought him the most colorful, “loudest” Hawaiian shirt he could find. It was sort of a joke, but Doc absolutely loved it.

-On Marty’s birthday, Doc asked him to come over under the guise of needing help with an experiment, but it was really a mini party with the lab decorated with streamers & balloons & cupcakes Doc had gone to pick up. Einstein wore a party hat. 

- We all know Doc & Marty eat a lot of Burger King. When they eat it in Doc’s garage, Marty takes pieces of the fries and slips them under the table to Einstein. Doc does not appreciate Marty encouraging Einstein’s begging but the boy can’t resist sharing with the dog.

- Occasionally, when they’re taking a break from working or are just hanging out, Marty takes out his guitar & Doc takes out his saxophone & they jam. Sometimes they play actual songs & other times they create their own. Whenever they try to make up lyrics, it quickly devolves into complete nonsense, usually ending up with the two of them laughing so hard that they can’t even play anymore.

-Marty also sometimes puts on a Huey Lewis tape while the two of them are working. Doc initially wasn’t really into the music, but he eventually found himself singing along to the songs with Marty. 

Okay, I need to stop myself because. Wow. If anyone actually reads this thing, I commend you on the effort. Kai, you had no idea what you were unleashing when you sent me that ask the other day.

[folklorecostumes]

REPUTATION LYRIC INSPIRED TOUR OUTFITS AND POSTERS PART 1

A lot of these posters are pictured in either giant bubble letters, rep font or in calligraphy. Can’t do any of these? Download the rep font or font you wish to use, type up what you want in a big enough font size, print, cut, and trace, or glue them down up to you! Of course, write these however you wish!

Hello all! Thanks for waiting so patiently for this list! Because of how long it is and how very excited you all have been waiting for this we have decided to post it into 2 parts to keep the excitement going. Part 2 will be coming in just a few short days and will be linked here, maybe even sooner than you think! Please enjoy all the ideas we listed below so far, send us others you may have and want to share with the swiftie world. We apologize if the formatting on this looks bad on mobile, we are trying to actively make it easily accessible and readable across all platforms!

And lastly, enjoy and tag us in these recreations! We want to see them! We want to help them get seen by Taylor!

Find the Reputation Part 2 list here.

Find the 1989 idea list here and here.

Find the Red idea list here.

Find more costume and poster ideas and tips here.

lovelovelove,

 - Reputation Costumes.

…READY FOR IT?:

1. “Knew he was a killer” – you and a friend or significant other dress up as a killer and their victim (not to scary or realistic though! Just have fun with it)

2. “Left haunted” – could make a fun sign saying “Taylor left me haunted” or something silly with the word haunted! Could even use Haunted (Speak Now) lyrics!

3. “But if he’s a ghost, then I can be a phantom” – Few ideas:

         → Two people could dress up as ghosts. 

         → Could also dress up as Danny Phantom because of the wordplay, or even the Phantom of the Opera if you wanted to be clever.  

         → Could also dress up as ghost hunters/ghost busters.

4. “Holdin’ him for ransom” – dress as bank robbers! Could even copy the outfits from the vault scene in LWYMMD.

5. “I keep him forever, like a vendetta-ta” – Poster that replaces him for Taylor, so it says I keep Taylor forever, like a vendetta-ta.

6. “Island breeze and lights down low” – maybe dress tropical—think family vacation ha. 

         → Could even improvise a poster that instead of saying island it could say (city name) breeze and stadium lights down low. Ex: “Boston breeze and stadium lights down low” (yes, I know its FOXBORO, but we all know Taylor just calls it Boston lol).

7. “In the middle of the night” – Dress as if you’re the night sky, glow in the dark ceiling stars or tape on a black/navy blue outfit with glitter. A matching poster in the shape of a star or a moon would be the perfect pairing.

8. “Are you ready for it?” – Poster with these lyrics on it. Remember posters can be as simple or as creative as you’d like. If you have a large enough group, you could make giant cutouts and hold two letters or so each.

9. “Stealing hearts and running off..” – A poster in the shape of a heart (not anatomical) with the lyrics on it.

10. “He can be my jailer” – Cop and Robber costume, could do the orange jumpsuit from the LWYMMD video and copy the “guards” around the birdcages outfits.

11. “Burton to this Taylor” – dress as Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor

12. “Let the games begin” – Multiple options for this one.

          →   Could dress as a referee/sport player/some sort of sport reference

          →   Have a game board attached to your outfit, make your own Taylor inspired game, maybe by gluing homemade items over a monopoly and have little trivia questions about her.

          →   Game board inspired poster—an Uno card but with these lyrics rather than traditional uno face.

13. Recreate one of the outfits from the music video

END GAME:

1. “I wanna be your endgame” – Poster designed as your favorite/or classic “end game” credit logo.

2. “I wanna be your first string” – Sometimes related to sports or your favorite ship from a TV show/Film/Book so do what you may with this.

3. “I wanna be your A-Team” – Could dress up as the A Team. Poster with friends that spell out A-Team.

4.  “Big Reputation” – Poster with these lyrics or wear the End Game merch sold on Taylor’s site. Can’t afford it? Make your own with stencils and fabric paint!

5.  “I bury hatchets, but I keep maps of where I put ‘em” – Make/buy a shirt with a map on it—think buried treasure map with x’s to mark where stuff is hidden!

6. “Your body is gold” – Gold morph suit, gold body paint, gold glitter, gold anything! Dawn yourself in all gold for this look.

7.  “So here’s the truth from my red lips” – Make an outfit with red lips open with a speech bubble above it and have end game lyrics in each one! Or make a poster with the same idea.

8.  Recreate one of the many music video outfits!

I DID SOMETHING BAD:

1. “I play ‘em like a violin” – Make a poster cut out into the same of a violin and wear music notes.

2. ‘Now all he thinks about is me” – Poster saying “Now all I think about is Taylor”

3. “I can feel the flames on my skin” – Body paint flames in your arms/legs or wear flame pattern shirt.

4. “Crimson red paint on my lips” – Could be similar to the one above from End Game with red lips all over your outfit or a poster.

5. “If a man talk shit, then I owe him nothing” – Great lyric for a poster! Don’t want to put the swear on the poster? Get creative and maybe use the emoji covering its mouth or symbols!

6.  “I never trust a playboy, but they love me” – Going with a guy friend? Could have him dress like Hugh Hefner but of course remember the necessary clothing needed to get into a venue if you do this! Could also dress as a bunny (playboy related or just average you decide)

7. “So I fly ‘em all around the world” – Going to multiple shows? Make a poster of a globe with airplanes landing on each tour stop you’re going to!

8. “They’re burning all the witches even if you aren’t one” – Dress as a witch, could be inspired from the Salem witch trials, could be a cartoon-y Halloween one, or one from your favorite show or movie that involves witches!

9. “Pitchforks and proof, their receipts and reasons” – Poster in the shape of a pitchfork or one that looks like a store receipt or screenshotted iMessage but using Taylor lyrics as the messages or purchases!

10. “Light me up” – Most shows apparently will not allow lights but doesn’t mean you can’t light up with glow sticks, glow in the dark body paint/outfits or glitter!

11. “Most fun I ever had” – Poster saying “Taylor Concerts are the most fun I ever had!”

DON’T BLAME ME:

1. “Don’t blame me, love made me crazy” – Poster that says, “Don’t blame me, Taylor made me crazy.”

2. “Darkest little paradise” – Black lace vibe from this lyric, especially picturing those pumps that have fur on the front near the toes. Could also make a sign that’s a midnight black sky with glow in the dark stars writing out the lyric.

3. “They say, ‘She’s gone too far this time’” – Poster with this lyric and a map tracking all your shows if you’re going to multiple. Could have all the miles listed under each show!

4. “Halo, hiding my obsession” – Angel outfit? Make the halo out of glow sticks so it shines after the lights go down. Poster that says hiding my obsession, maybe make it look like a TSL post.

5. “I once was poison ivy, but now I’m your daisy” – Few ideas for this:

           →   An outfit that starts as poison ivy on the bottom but slowly progress to daisies. Could have buds of daisies starting at the bottom with the ivy and start to have them bloom as it increases until it’s just all daisies.

          →   Poster that spells out poison ivy in plastic (or real or drawn completely up to you) poison ivy.

          →   Poster that spells out Daisy with Daisies from a craft store!

          →   Daisy Buchanan from Gatsby.

          →   Poison Ivy comic.

6. “Fall from grace” – Michael and Lucifer, so aka could go as a fallen angel or the devil. If you watch Supernatural then you can pull from that for inspiration!

7. Taylor related this song to church, love and drug use because those 3 are powerful enough to change a person. Dressing up as if you’re in a choir could fit this song! Even something church related, however trying to remain neutral with that can be difficult.

8. Some people get a Fifty Shades of Grey vibe from this song, do what you may with that.

DELICATE:

1. Poster spelling out delicate with an assortment of colorful fake flowers.

2. “You can make me a drink” – Poster cut out in the shape of a wine glass with the lyrics being written in a bold, thick font and place to look as if from far away its wine drawn in the glass.

3. “Dive bar on the East Side, where you at?” – “Taylor Swift concert in (your state), where you at?” sign. Could also make this look like an iMessage chat.

4. Fringe outfit similar to the video.

5. Dive bar outfit.

6. “Dark jeans and your Nikes” – Could easily where this exact outfit paired with a Taylor shirt if you aren’t into dressing up for shows!

7. “Never seen that color blue” – Poster with sketched blue eyes and these lyrics underneath it. Could also wear an entire blue outfit.

8. “Is it chill that you’re in my head?” – poster ideas:

          →  Is it chill that Taylor’s in my head?

          →  Is it chill that you’re in my head, Taylor?

9. “Handsome, you’re a mansion with a view.” - Dress up with a costume similar in the idea of the a skyscraper costume but as a fancy house!

10. “Echoes of your footsteps on the stairs” - Poster with an echoing effect (think Microsoft early 2000s word art) on the lyrics. Could even place the lyrics on top of one another to look like it’s building a staircase. 

LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO:

1. “I don’t like your little games” – See similar ideas for game inspired outfits above, OR

          →  Make an outfit featuring miniature games attached to you, like Tamagotchi’s or make your own mini monopoly/life/etc. boards and glue them onto your outfit or poster. Possibly break the little boards in half and have broken pieces to represent not liking them.

2. “Of the fool” – Could dress up as a fool/clown. Silly, whimsical costume.

3. “Said the gun was mine” – Could do a poster of a smoking gun with the lyrics looking like they came out of the gun/the toy guns where flags pop out.

4. “Rose up from the dead” – Zombie! Tombstone poster!

5. “I’ve got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined” – List of names—Taylor related, maybe her cats or not—but have them all crossed out besides for Taylors at the bottom.

6. “I check it once, then I check it twice” – Some say this reminds them of Santa so by all means feel free to dress up Christmas-y.

7. “Look what you made me do” – Use the lyric video to create cool posters.

8. “I don’t like your kingdom keys” – few ideas:

        → Outfit with keys drawn on, make them look vintage and old, wear crowns with this look! Could also have keys dangling off the ends of the outfit.

       →  Giant gold key posters, make them look novelty like the ones cities give to honor people.

9. Drama and Karma matching glitter posters.

10. Snake skin, snake rings, snake anything!

11. Choose one of the many outfits Taylor is seen wearing throughout the LWYMMD video, we’ll hopefully have some great, cheap knockoffs for these soon!

12. Dress up as “old Taylor” so this basically opens up endless possibilities from each era, check out our 1989 and Red costume lists for more ideas! Hopefully we can work on Speak Now, Fearless and Debut inspired lists soon too!

13. Merch! Merch! Merch! She has tons of Look merch on her site, wear that if you want to be casual.

14. Similar Blind for Love sweater is available on eBay! The similar patches are also sold at craft stores or online (eBay).

15. Use the patches sold through Taylor Swift’s store to make you’re own one of a kind outfit--whether it be a denim jacket, dress, you name it! You can even design you’re own patches using crafts.

16. “The old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now” - Poster using a picture of the “old Taylor” and a poster in the shape of a phone! Could incorporate the Our Song video, WANEGBT video, or the Look video when she’s on a phone.

SO IT GOES…

1.  “See you in the dark” – Poster where the word Dark is written in glow in the dark paint/marker to show up after the lights go down!

2. “All eyes on you” – Outfit with googly eyes glued all over it. Or create a poster with the same idea and the lyrics changed to “All eyes on Taylor”

        →  Add “my magician” if you wish to the end of the poster lyric or combine the googly eyes theme with a magician costume.

3. “My magician” –  Multiple options:

       → Dress up in a magician’s costume, this can be traditional, or you can be as creative as you want with it.

       →  Poster cut out to look like you’re holding a fan of cards (think trick magician’s deck) with any lyrics from the song written on it.

       →  Could dress up as a magician’s assistant.

       →  Dress up as a rabbit/bunny (stereotypically used in acts)

       →  Poster in the shape of a bunny peeking out of a magician’s hat, or just the ears sticking out of the hat, with so it goes lyrics on it.

       →  Poster of a crystal ball with “all eyes on you, my magician” written in it.

4. “You make everyone disappear” – “Taylor makes everyone disappear” written on a poster. Possibly write it in glow in the dark ink so it only shows when the lights are down and not before!

5. “Cut me into pieces” – Puzzle piece posters! You and a group of friends can each hold a piece that fits into the other and each can have one word of a line from any reputation song or simply use the “cut me into pieces”

6. “Gold cage, hostage to my feelings” – 2 options:

       →  Make a cut out poster in the shape of a cage, individual cut out in between each bar so it’s open, do two sides like this and attach strings to wear the sign so it looks like the cage is around you. Could even wear this with the orange jumpsuit outfit from the Look video!

      →  Poster in the shape of a gold bird cage with “hostage to my feelings” written inside of it.

7. “All our pieces fall right into place” – Poster with confetti, puzzle pieces, hearts either drawn on or glued. Either place or draw the pieces to spell out the lyrics as they fall down to a pile at the bottom of the poster paper or just have the pieces you decide to use “raining” down halfway through the poster and have the lyrics on the bottom half.

8. “So it goes…” Poster with these lyrics.

9. “Met you in a bar” – 2 options:

          →  Poster drawn and cut out like a whiskey bottle with these lyrics, Taylor and reputation written on the label.

          →  Using half of a poster board, draw what looks like a bar top (typically mahogany) with bottles either laying or standing across it and a few shot glasses, each bottle could be named after a song on the album!

10. “All eyes on us/All eyes on you/All eyes on me” -  Staring eye emoji drawn on a poster with a thought bubble above it with one of these 3 lyrics in the bubble.

11. “I make all your grey days clear” –

          →  One person dresses up as a cloudy/rainy day so all grey clothes and have reflective blue tape cut into rain drops and white reflective tape to represent clouds (typically clouds are grey/black when it’s raining but those two colors won’t be reflective, could use glow in the dark paint/tape as well). Could also wear a cloud poster with raindrops hanging from it on string around them or hold as a regular poster with these lyrics in the cloud.

          →  Second person dresses up as sunny day, in preferably light blue to represent a clear sky, yellow reflective tape cut out as suns on the outfit—could even have some breaking through clouds using white reflective tape. Person could also wear a sun poster around them like suggested above for the grey day look.

12.  “Wear you like a necklace” – Think flavor flav! Make a giant fake watch (or not a watch and just a necklace) out of string and cardboard. Have the reputation album cover or cd artwork be hanging from it/as the face of the watch.

13.  “Dressed in black now” – Wear all black! Draw attention to yourself with some glow in the dark paint or stickers, glow sticks and glitter.

14. “Scratches down your back” – Might not be appropriate with what its referencing for younger crowds and you may get looks from parents but create a shirt with bloody scratches down the backside and let the front side have “so it goes…” written on it.

15.  “You did a number on me” – Few options:

           →  Poster cut out into a 13/22/1989 with the lyric written throughout the 13/22/1989.

            →  Poster with an array of numbers related to Taylor filling it (13, 22, 1989, 10(Grammys), etc.). Write the lyrics in rep font first and draw the numbers around it, filling the background. Write in glow in the dark paint/tape, glue flowers over the lyrics, whatever you desire! Can even just use the word rep instead of doing the lyrics.

           →  Idea above for the poster could also work on a shirt.

           →  Poster with the number of shows you’re attending.

16.  “Who’s counting?” – See the ideas for the lyric above, they work well with this one as well.

[theaterdisneynerdsunite]

Tony Awards Thoughts

So it looks like, at least for now, the CBS website lets you watch it for free (at least in the US). Here are my thoughts using those time stamps (be warned I have a long running commentary)

0:23 Oh is this going to be a parody of her playing the piano on last year’s Tony’s

1:05 How has neither one of them won anything? I mean I get if they said neither one of them one a Tony cause I mean, they both did shows that one time…but anything?

1:18 Is there anything more Broadway than saying the same rehearsed thing at the same time and pretending it was just part of the banter? Oh theater tropes I love you

1:36 That’s always been something that bothered me, people assume that just because something didn’t win the Tony doesn’t mean its not a great show, and the show that wins might not even be the best one that season (you know who you are). I love the Tony’s but its an award show, people don’t stop watching tv shows and movies or listening to artists that didn’t win or weren’t nominated, it makes me sad that so many shows close post Tony’s just because they weren’t the big winner. Anyways…

1:53 THEY CELEBRATED THE LOSERS LIKE ME, these A list celebrities that are totally not losers are soooo relatable ;)

2:40 A few years ago Something Rotten did what I thought was a brilliant advertising campaign listing amazing shows that lost the Tonys like them, so the fact that it was put into song gave me a fond flashback. See? SEE??? Oh it feels so good to be vindicated on tv

3:49 “If you make art at all your a part of the cure” :)

4:10 THEY HAD THE ENSEMBLE MEMBERS BE THE ONES IN THE OPENING NUMBER RATHER THAN THE LEADS THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY. If only my high school self could have seen this she would have felt so much better

6:42 I didn’t see any of the plays this year but I heard the most about Angels in America this season so not surprised. Looks interesting

7:45 Happy Pride Month

8:40 Bake a cake for everyone who wants a cake to be baked would actually be a pretty good diction warmup

14:10 Kinda surprised that they didn’t pick Rather Be Me or Apex Predator considering those are the really marketed songs. “Where We Belong” seems a lot like “Status Quo” from High School Musical. I mean you’ll get that about high school clicks in the lunch room with a blond queen bee but like, even the dance moves felt similar, and the lunch tray dancing, even the giant cat decal. But like, it's not as catchy? I didn’t expect them to win anything tonight but I really don’t think they’ll win anything now? Is that mean? Just cause it feels like it was supposed to be a high energy number and it didn’t have that energy I thought it would. Also come on, just cause you want the girls to be shallow and dumb doesn’t mean the lyrics have to be that cringey. This feels like a less good version of if Legally Blonde and High School Musical had a baby (I absolutely love Legally Blonde that was not intended to be an insult to either show).

15:00 Is it me or did Amy Schumer look like she wanted to say something but Rachel Bloom kept talking. But it didn’t really have any joke setup or serve as a good segway for commentary, what could she have wanted to say?

15:35 Later on I’m going to see if I can find the award speeches that didn’t get televised. most of the world doesn’t get broadway they get regional theater, I wanted to hear what they had to say

15:45 Nick Scandalious feels like a cartoon name you’d see in an Onion article about the Me Too movement. His face even looks like the generic celebrity that had a TMZ scandal five years ago. I thought I read it wrong at first lol

16:40 I was cracking up they know their brand so well. The air quotes on emotional, perfect!

17:10 Mini Sara and Josh are so cute!

17:50 Ok I missed the reference, what is the giant bird lady from?

18:10 oh

20:57 celebrity child picture counter: #3 Amy Schumer. Also guess which year the musical described as “a comedy about class and sexism” is from? Yup it’s My Fair Lady, the audience laughed like I did in that sort of this is funny but also sad kinda way

26:00 This was so overacted and hammy and one day I aspire to that level of loud printed robes. Coincidentally my name is also spelled like Eliza but my voice is not nearly that good. Also does it count as drag if they are clearly men in dresses with some comical makeup or is there another name for it when they aren’t actually trying to look feminine?

26:18 The twitter usernames were too small to see on my screen who were the twitter pictures of?

26:30 See above comment

27:00 What show did Billy Joel work on? Also Billy Joel, Bruce Springsteen, and Josh Groban maybe my mom will finally enjoy theater

29:12 Oh my gosh that picture of Titus Burgess is amazing as is that suit. And that intro is so Titus its great

30:07 Renee Fleming we’ve got the Opera world here too? It’s so many famous musicians from outside broadway on broadway, think of all the crossovers

32:50: Yes spongebob get Josh Groban to sing more thank you for your service. Ok I’m not a huge fan of spongebob but they have to win for sound design that guy is on overload

33:27 Lol it explains so much why the songs sound disjointed cause they got a billion people to write them. Also lol I was waiting for that joke

33:50 Also what I thought would happen would be a medley that way Spongebob who really is the driving energy of the show and Squidward played by the Broadway darling would both have a song. This wasn’t how I expected them to do it, but I was sort of right so I’ll count it. I’m not really a fan of Spongebob the musical (I’ve listened to it twice once when it first came out and once during Tony Season. I’m not one of the people who hate it off the sheer premise and won’t give it a chance, but I just thought it was meh and not worth having the most nominations.) But Squidward’s song is very me, not in terms of melody cause that is I find most of the melodies to be rather generic but the lyrics are 100% me trying to convince myself. Also all I will be thinking about for the rest of the will be what tap dancing must feel like its gotta feel weird how long do you think he spent practicing it with and without the extra legs. Or it might be nightmare fuel with the sea anemone contributing to it, who knows? Probably both,

38:07 still don’t know whose handles those are

38:28 ^^^

38:40 Ok when I saw the outfits I was expecting a Chorus Line Parody, but this Sia parody fits this every genre but musical theater theme of this Broadway season

39:20 Eight times a week, and all the subsequent puns

40:28 Can I just say I love this return to singing interludes over awkward award show banter?

41:44 I saw the Bands Visit a few month’s back and I still don’t know how to describe it. Normally I would guess it would be the second fiddle of the Tony’s but considering the “purists” it’ll probably win most of the awards

44:16 With all the previous reaction shots you knew it had to be Nathan Lane. I always forget how well spoken he is because of his typical roles but he is really well spoken and sincere rather than trying to wise crack and it was so sweet. It made me smile

47:43 His face saying “blow high” has got to be a gif right?

51:45 The entirety of the Carousel number was me thinking if I had a higher sex drive this would totally make me thirsty. They also used very creative ways to physically embody the shape and workings of a ship but then again I’m admittedly biased. Listen to that number you know their vocal prowess was not why they picked it

52:12 I mean, I know that crew gets less attention than cast and plays less attention than musicals but I would watch the full version stop cutting out the speeches. C’mon I love costumes

53:04 I know your joking but that hurts

53:19 yes #4 famous kid photo Uzo Aduba

55:49 Ari'el Stachel’s speech is made all the more poignant when you realize everyone else in his category were white. Despite this season’s commerciality you actually do have shows and casts with Asian leads and African American leads and Latin American leads and Middle Eastern leads somewhere between the sea of shows like Spongebob and Frozen. Show these shows some love, prove that Hamilton wasn’t the anomaly but the rule

56:55 They brought the Parkland teacher for the theater education award! Fitting 65 students into a high school teacher’s office for hours to protect them is not easy, she saved lives that day

58:17 I thought #5 Matthew Morrison was a girl in his child pic

58:40 They went to Parkland?!

59:35 OMG they’re performing!?!

1:00:10 Seasons of Love is the Perfect song for this, they sound so good too!

1:01:18 Girl has an amazing voice! Dang to get up there in front of all of these famous performers on live TV after the media has already hounded them and putting yourself out there is courageous

1:02:45 I can’t see the handles

1:03:11 Will they be able to top NPH’s Tony magic trick though??? Probably not but let’s see

1:03:31 So cheesy but tbh if I had a Harry Potter wand I’d be even cheesier

1:03:46 Was that line improved or was the tech delay intentional?

1:04:22 C’mon Squidward already pulled the same “trick” you have ensemble block the audience pov while someone enters from the back. Didn’t even come close to topping NPH

1:04:43 Little Patti Lupone I can’t believe she allowed them to include her picture of lil’ Patti

1:05:04 I just wanted to include Patti’s line about a “deep appreciation for outspoken women” cause I actually said “you go girl” out loud

1:05:35 Yeah, fun fact, Tony wasn’t a man but was actually short for Antoinette. They referenced it multiple times before, including earlier tonight, but it was stated most explicitly here

1:06:35 Is that a young or modern Claire Danes, I can’t tell

1:07:39 Also it’s really cool that an older woman won something, I feel like the stage gives more roles for older woman that other acting industries, also if people argue that she was political she served political office. Also how cool is it that apparently people were there from every recognized country?

1:09:27 so that’s how they do Sven, I knew Olaf was supposed to be an Avenue Q style puppet but the way they move Sven is really cool (it’s the technique they used on things like War Horse, I don’t know if it’s considered costuming or puppetry or what the official name is)

1:10:20 Anna looks exactly as I pictured her, and they changed a few minor lyrics for it to fit the stage

1:10:44 There are so many quick changes tonight

1:11:22 Elsa did not look like what I imagined her to be, but the costumes are on point

1:12:00 The chorus versions of these songs have beautiful harmony, but Olaf shouldn’t be there yet right? Isn’t he “born” in Let it Go

1:12:47 Alright I’ve been waiting to see how they’ll do the snow effects!

1:14:00 They got out of building the castle by already having it built at the beginning of the song, which is smart technically but I wanted to see how they do it, unless it’s one of those things that’s a surprise for when you see it live.

1:14:25 Never call it “Daddy’s Day” ever again. Never.

1:14:46 I can’t see the handles

1:14:59 How could you not show Chita Rivera’s lifetime achievement? I’ve been lucky enough to see her in more than one show and she is incredible.

1:15:13 And you also cut out Andrew Lloyd Webber’s?? You made the wrong cuts Broadway

1:15:25 It looks like they’re going to show a tribute I’m excited!!!

1:17:42 Two things: Andrew Lloyd Webber has written a weird collection of musicals, like when you see clips of them back to back you realize just how weird of a collection it is, and Josh Groban needs to be the next Phantom

1:18:08 That exchange was so physically awkward they haven’t even started talking yet and I feel the cringe

1:19:18 Is “I swore I’d never do something like that” shade against the La La Land debacle? In 2018? Or am I reading too much into it

1:19:21 I saw the Band’s Visit but I also saw Once on this Island and I thought that one would win Direction for sure but I guess I was wrong

1:22:36 I read Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, it’s a weird read, but I haven’t seen it live so maybe it’s directed brilliantly, who knows? Who else thinks its a weird read?

1:23:56 He’s getting the Tony audience to sing his boyfriend "Happy Birthday" instead of giving a speech and that is both adorably sweet and such a power move. Also a rare occasion of Happy Birthday being sung on key

1:25:10 They’re having DEH perform? You cut out people who actually were awarded tonight for people who already were featured on the Tony’s last year? And that song is a weird choice for a In Memoriam considering that show doesn’t really…respect the deceased. Weird

1:28:17 Give the tech more time in the limelight! You cut out Chita and Webber’s speeches for a weird tribute and you have weird stunts with tech like the magic thing yet cut out all their stage time. I know this is standard Tony procedure but it is something I will comment on every year until it changes

1:29:20 That move for “work hard for the money mom” line was uncomfortable

1:30:30 They really do sound like the original singer

1:31:53 So that’s how the performers follow the conductor. They have a huge teleprompter-like screen in the back of the audience

1:32:52 This cast seems specifically tailored to gather different subsections of internet geeks and I will not tell you which categories I fall into

1:33:18 I never knew “the Jimmy’s” were a thing when I was in high school

1:34:54 THOSE are the great themes of Harry Potter? Really?

1:36:10 Aww look at little Cinderella

1:36:34 How are they going to build that stage for the Tonys? They built a river inside the theater for it before!

1:37:00 Well it makes sense that they’d only include part of the set, you can’t really recreate an entire building. Yes I’m so glad they included Mama Will Provide. That song is like the definition of a Tony performance song. Why did they include the Daniel bit, that was so awkward and broke up the flow

1:40:40 If anyone would be chill with the goat it’s Nathan Lane. Yup, there a live goat at the Tony Awards

1:41:21 Don’t joke about that

1:41:41 Are you going to cut out every technical award

1:42:32 Too relatable

1:43:16 Is this that song from Chorus Line in real life

1:44:10 English Major life

1:46:03 The angel from Angels in America is so Extra TM

1:46:54 That Tony Kushner line was forced

1:47:18 Awkward segway but REMEMBER TO VOTE

1:47:38 That Judy Garland line ties in perfectly with the Happy Birthday to the gay couple

1:48:04 That reaction to the word “money” is me. And also is a gif right?

Am I so much of a Tony nerd that I both knew and was shocked that the accountants weren’t the normal ones from Ernst and Young but instead were from Grant Thorton. Why do I remember what company normally tallies the Tony votes? Why did they change companies? Why do I care so much? But seriously what happened

1:49:00 That phrase just sounded so odd, just the way it was said “my television Daddy-O Tony Shalhoub”

1:53:15 I don’t have the accent and I’m about as white as white can be, but I really want to perform this song somewhere at some point. I have family in this area even though I don’t look like I would but and I just connect to it. The melody is gorgeous and the chorus reminds me of the lullabies of when I was very little.

1:54:15 Every time the young photos come up it puts a small smile on my face

1:54:37 Good on them for putting their money where their mouth is. They actually helped fund arts programs in places where they were cut

1:55:05 I wonder what the rest of the scenic guy’s speech for Spongebob was because this tiny clip seemed so passionate (and just has such an interesting aesthetic). Gosh darn it Tonys stop pretending the only backstage people that count are the directors and producers, you have all these other people who put in so much hard work yet you consistently ignore them. Even orchestrations, choreography and score?? Orchestrations, choreography and score are crucial for musicals to exist as unique entities from plays. You make jokes about people sitting through 5 hour plays but I would gladly sit through a five hour award show if you just included the technical awards.

1:57:10 me trying to open anything ever

1:57:14 Yes! I was so worried they would go with the super old school ones that get constant revivals. I mean, they picked the show that had “1000 pounds of sand, a 100 gallons of water, a goat and 2 chickens into his theater” when you have safer, more conventional bets. Everyone kept sleeping on Once on this Island this Tony season to talk about their feelings about the Spongebob’s and Mean Girl’s of the world but this is such a good show. Maybe this’ll get this show the love it deserves.

1:59:30 what did Robert DeNiro say on the recording the sound cut out. Did the mic cut out did he say something inappropriate, I’ve been avoiding Tony news what happened?

1:59:55 It’s got more than just a big cast, dancing, and a history lesson. You know that applies to, idk like 60% of famous Broadway musicals lol

2:00:06 when someone gives that pregnant of a pause you gotta wonder what the story is there

2:00:27 Truth

2:00:40 “Jersey Boy” that’s such a good one liner, actually, it might sound sarcastic online but that was a funny one liner in context

2:03:00 Is Bruce Springsteen really going to just do spoken word poetry the whole time? Also I don’t know why but this makes me think of Fun Home

2:06:05 Oh he’s going to sing after all. Though that story is about as Americana Fourth of July as anything I’ve ever heard on the Tony Awards ever and that’s saying something

2:07:39: who are these people?

2:08:00 Didn’t Kristin Chenowitz and Alan Cumming do this exact same shtick when they hosted, what 2 years ago? And there’s was much bigger I mean really go big like that Glinda the Good dress or go home.

2:08:23 Was there really no punch line? Also aww baby Kelli O’Hara is precious

2:09:07 The actor’s name sounds like his character’s name and I enjoy that

2:09:39 Well these actors are very different from each other

2:11:28 I am a sucker for genuine sincerity and that combined with some of the earlier moments like the Parkland moment brought me close to tears

2:12:45 Look at this award shows actual diversity, and not just using one show for diversity and nominating a bunch of actors you have 3 out of 6 female leads be people of color and none of them are a “token” and they all support each other. Hailey Kilgore is so young and such a good actress and I wanted her to win so much but she seemed so excited for the person who did win and they all seem happy at the result you don’t have any of that polite loser face they are all genuinely supportive and this makes me happy. I’m happy, look at those smiles I’m smiling, I love it when they show women supporting each other.

12:14:06 “my stupid little heart with so much joy” is me watching these people tonight.

12:14:27 Still can’t identify these people

12:15:00 Josh Groban’s reaction to Bernadette Peter’s name is me. Honestly Josh Groban is killing the potential gif game tonight

I’m sorry I just can’t take this description of them as “empowering stories” seriously when half of your nominations are Spongebob and Mean Girls

2:16:10 Tonight the Band’s Visit really swept. Honestly some seasons shows don’t win any awards that deserved it and other seasons shows that (while still deserving) probably wouldn’t have won win and it’s all kind of arbitrary, but I’m glad out of this batch it won, it was really the only show out of the four that would have gotten the Tony Award ticket sales boost and it got it.

2:17:35 “Music gives people hope and makes borders disappear”

2:19:08 yes another Josh Groan duet!

2:19:25 I love Miss Peters too

2:20:44 This number made me smile, this whole night made me smile. I was worried I would get frustrated by the night with Spongebob and Frozen and Mean Girls and all the potential for it to be a cynical snark fest or a capitalist money grabber spectacular. There are about 10 billion ways I saw myself not liking this year’s Tony Awards before it started and not only am I relieved that I was wrong about the mood of the night but I am elated. I love me some deadpan humor and some snark but you rarely see one of these nights just wholly be genuine and not tongue and cheek and it was such a breath of fresh air. Even the hokey bits like the stupid magic jokes and banter or weaker songs like that Mean Girls number, because everything was in such a kindhearted atmosphere, didn’t feel as bad as they otherwise would have.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 14/11/2020 (Ariana Grande, Little Mix)

We’re in a similar situation to last week where despite two massive albums – Little Mix’s Confetti even debuting at #2 on the album chart behind Kylie Minogue’s Disco (which was unprecedented but completely understandable since Kylie is massive here) – are both released, but there’s a very muted impact on the chart, mostly because of silly UK Singles Chart rules. In fact, you could argue there’s more impact from smaller releases from Giggs and The Kid LAROI, but that’s just how streaming goes. Since this chart doesn’t include radio, hip-hop has more of a chance in many ways to debut on the chart than the type of pop Kylie makes but its longevity is seriously impaired. Also, ageism doesn’t exist on the albums chart but on here it is in full effect. Regardless, we have 12 new arrivals, mostly from the aforementioned artists, so let’s start. Ariana Grande’s “positions” is still #1 – you can chalk that up to lack of competition – and welcome to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

Before we get to the songs debuting on the UK Top 75 proper this week, let’s have our brief little musical rundown, starting with the drop-outs as there were a fair few, namely “Go Crazy” by Chris Brown and Young Thug (a pretty damn big hit for the both of them), “West Ten” by AJ Tracey and Mabel (again, a very big hit, one of the biggest of the year making its exit), “Only You Freestyle” by Headie One and Drake lasting longer than I expected or it probably should have, “Loose” by S1mba and KSI leaving perhaps prematurely, “808” by Da Beatfreakz, Dutchavelli, DigDat and B Young, “5AM��� by M Huncho and Nafe Smallz (Thank God) and a couple of our high debuts and returns from last week, like “motive” by Ariana Grande featuring Doja Cat – but we will see more of Ariana today – and the charity single “Four Notes – Paul’s Tune” by Paul Harvey and the BBC Philharmonic, as well as all three of the returning Halloween tracks, including “Thriller” by Michael Jackson. Oh, yeah, and as anyone could safely predict, all of the Bring Me the Horizon songs are gone, even “Teardrops”, which means we officially have 100% less metalcore on the chart, and I’m surprised to say I’m genuinely disappointed. In terms of returning entries, we have “Before You Go” by Lewis Capaldi making a return to #71, “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey re-appearing for the first time this year and remarkably early to #60 and some returns from album boosts, those being “Magic” by Kylie Minogue peaking at #53 and “Happiness” by Little Mix doing the same at #43. The biggest fall this week was “Ain’t it Different” by Headie One featuring AJ Tracey and Stormzy dropping out of the top 10 to #31, probably because it had its streaming numbers cut as many songs do after they’ve reached more than 10 weeks in the top 40. The biggest gain however was for “SO DONE” by The Kid LAROI just missing out on the top 40 at #44. I can honestly see this becoming huge. Oh, and “Whoopty” by CJ is now in the top 40 at #39. Joy... Let’s just get straight to these new songs.

NEW ARRIVALS

#75 – “WITHOUT YOU” – The Kid LAROI

Produced by Blake Slatkin and Omar Fedi

So this kid LAROI released an EP that attaches to a mixtape he released earlier this year, Frick Love, which has been reissued as a sort of deluxe edition, without there even being a debut studio album to reissue, just a mixtape. Either way, this new hybrid deluxe version, repackaged as Frick Love (Savage), has been considerably more successful than the original mixtape so far, probably off of the back of that “SO DONE” single. Awful cover art aside; I did not listen to this project because I am not interested at all in some Australian emo-rapper’s EP, especially if it’s going to Marshmello, Machine Gun Kelly and YoungBoy Never Broke Again on it. This kid LAROI said that this is his favourite song off of the release because, and I quote verbatim: “I just like it, I don’t know, it’s kind of, dude, I don’t know, it’s a little different, it’s like a little, uh, acoustic vibe, uh, I just like it.” It’s nice to see this new generation of musicians be so articulate. Well, this is a pretty trite song with rote acoustic guitar strumming that is pretty conventional of softer emo-pop, but this song doesn’t come with infectious choruses, emotional bloodletting or even more than a single verse. Instead, it’s just absolute garbage with a guitar riff I swear I’ve heard before. There’s no development to this increasingly exhausting ballad other than this kid LAROI crooning and moaning in a pathetic Auto-Tune falsetto some clearly misogynist lyrics that he only picked up from Juice and other rappers. This kid shouldn’t care about making wives out of hoes, he should be studying. I’m almost offended by this on a personal level, or at least the principle that this kid at seventeen years old could go on about heartbreak that probably didn’t happen and use it to excuse and disguise clearly lazy, sexist lyrics. At least with other emo-rap it feels genuine and angsty. This is just disposable garbage that his audience will eat up like fast food, and it comes from such an insincere place that I can’t excuse it.

#66 – “ALWAYS DO” – The Kid LAROI

Produced by Omar Fedi, Khaled Rohaim, Donn Robb and Haan

Just like that, he’s back, folks. Okay, well, he starts off this song by saying he’s drinking again, which he can’t do for another year according to Australian law. I’ll take that as a complete lie he’s hogged from his mentor Juice WRLD and clearly not understood why that led to his downfall and death; the glamorisation of drugs in Juice’s music was unintentional and misconstrued that way by record label yes-men and some of his fans, who ate up the music and maybe didn’t grasp the message Juice was clearly advocating for. So, you’re just going to blindly lie to your fans – ALL of which are children – about substance abuse with very little commentary around it other than how it affects this fake relationship for the sake of making “relatable” hits that ultimately go against everything Juice would have wanted? Delightful. When other rappers talk about a bitch, they have a casual, disposable tone that suggests they’re groupies and whilst this is such an accepted form of misogyny in music, which also annoys me for the record even if music I adore expresses as such, it at least shows that the rappers don’t care or use the women as a line-filler or flex. When this douche says the word “bitch”, he means it. It comes with such vile, toxic bitterness that I’m convinced the Kid LAROI just hates women. Not even specific women, just the concept of “woman”. Sigh... can someone take this disrespectful toad off the charts – and quick?

#64 – “Buff Baddies” – Giggs

Produced by Trooh Hippi

Speaking on not respecting women, British rapper Giggs is here with his second mixtape. He’s got a couple more tracks on the chart, this is the first and it’s all about “buff baddies”. “WAP” has led to men thinking they can be extra horny as well and I’m not going to shame any kind of sex positivity but when Giggs talks almost exclusively what the women are doing for him and doesn’t have a lick of personality to it, it feels less absurd and over-the-top than it does just gross. It doesn’t help that his delivery is almost comically blunt and completely charmless over this non-existent cloudy trap beat, and there’s no hook or chorus to speak of, so this is just completely worthless. This reminds me of Dean Blunt’s Babyfather projects, you know, the mixtapes where he actively makes fun of this type of rap and even then is miles more interesting and charismatic? God, what an awful track.

#63 – “I’ll Call You Back” – dutchavelli

Produced by Big Zeeko

Oh, and dutchavelli released an album too called Dutch from the 5th, so we have more to come from him as well. Look, I’m tired, I’m fed up, I just want this episode to be done with and maybe I’m not in the right mood to listen to snooze-worthy generic hacks in modern hip hop all have their own mini-album bombs. Just maybe. I’m not sure if that excuses the clear lack of quality and effort in any of this, or the fact that the billion-dollar company I use to listen to the product of billion-dollar companies apparently can’t have an app that works and allows me to listen to said product. To be fair to dutch, this is a more introspective track with melancholy piano loops and pretty basic trap-drill percussion, but I do like some of the lyrical content here, where he talks about how even though he feels distant from his loved ones as a big star, he really wants to keep in contact and he details some of his struggles in a really heartfelt way. His delivery is emotive and even when it’s heavily Auto-Tuned, you can tell he’s pretty frustrated with the conflict between his newfound popularity and keeping up to standards with his personal relationships. He’s not always perfectly on beat and honestly the song kind of goes nowhere, but I like the lyrics about his childhood and his mother, and I especially think his breathless, stiff cadence when he pleads with his girlfriend is pretty effective. As a song though, I don’t think I’ll be going back to this at all, which is a shame.

#59 – “Get Out My Head” – Shane Codd

Produced by Shane Codd

Shane Codd is an Irish producer, singer and DJ from Dublin who amassed a following from his playlist showcasing classic trance and house hits from the 1990s and 2000s, which he became infatuated with as a child, explaining why his first and only song is already on the chart, albeit just at #59. That “Trance Anthems 90s-00s” playlist does have some bangers (I’m not going to complain about Alice Deejay, Moby or Zombie Nation), so does Codd follow in the footsteps of these classic trance acts? Well, no. No, he doesn’t. This is a house-pop song if anything, but it’s not like I know all the ins and outs of this stuff. I have a friend that does know a lot about trance; I don’t even think she’d like this. It’s pretty lazy, bizarrely-mixed house with a lot of focus on those classic 90s pianos that do sound straight out of that diva house and Eurodance era (in fact, this is practically a Eurodance song), but without much character to speak of. For a first song, it is impressively professional but not to the extent that the percussion sounds any less cheap or tinny, or that the chopped-up vocals, from some generic female singer as always, are charming. This is exactly what I think would happen if you fed a robot tropical house music, a couple FL Studio plug-ins and a “Trance Anthems 90s-00s” playlist, and told it to produce some kind of cohesive result in return. It’s telling that this soulless dreck charted, but hey, if he’s got the following and any kind of budget, he could improve considerably and this isn’t that bad on principle. It’s just wearing influences not on the sleeve but as make-up, to cover up the lack of artistic dignity or progression the guy has, not that I expect him to (it is only his first song after all). Next.

#56 – “Say Something” – Kylie Minogue

Produced by Jon Green and Richard “Biff” Stannard

I'm not a big Kylie Minogue fan but I can admit like anyone who's not too far up their own ass that she has a lot of classics, a lot of bops and most importantly to this show in particular, a lot of bonafide smash hits to her belt. My personal favourite is "The Loco-Motion" but her 2014 album Kiss Me Once was a big factor into my appreciation of this type of inoffensive dance-pop (that indirectly made me eventually start this series), especially the lead single "Into the Blue". Speaking of lead singles, this was the lead for her 2020 effort, Disco, but it didn't actually chart until this week interestingly. Well, with that said, there must be a reason the big lead single from July didn’t chart until November, and the second single, “Magic”, did, so I’m not expecting prime Kylie here, and I’m not expecting myself to write positively about it either because I had to restart Spotify like five times before being able to actually play the song so I’m pretty annoyed with these billion-dollar companies right now... and, yeah, okay, with the synthesized choir and the staccato synth bass, I can understand how this feels less alive than other songs she’s made, particularly because this feels like a rather dumbed-down revision of 1980s pop with some really awkward vocal mixing and a chorus that never really hits. Kylie doesn’t sound great here at all either, and the guitars are just kind of garish, especially in the first verse. It doesn’t help that this is a messy song structure-wise, and that the title drop in the chorus is neither cathartic nor worth waiting for. There’s also a bridge-outro that never leads back into a chorus, so the song just floats away sadly into nowhere. Yeah, it’s safe to say this is a disappointment, especially from a lead single but it does make sense that at this point in her career Kylie and her team may be artistically stagnating. It’s been more than three decades; I’m just impressed she’s still putting out music.

#54 – “Plugged in Freestyle” – A92 and Fumez the Engineer

Produced by Charlie Mockler

It’s not often that the engineer gets lead billing, let alone an engineer whose stage name is entirely based on the fact that he is an engineer, and didn’t even produce the track. Anyway, it’s not actually unusual for YouTube and radio freestyles to chart, in fact the GRM Daily Duppy freestyles have charted before for both J Hus and Aitch. It is unusual for viral Irish drill tracks to chart however, but this did get traction as a viral video as well as the absurdity of Irish drill, which is now a rising phenomenon. A92 is an Irish drill group and all of the four members present here get three verses each, leading up to either 12 verses overall or just one big collaborative verse depending on how you count these things. You may notice at this point that I’m stalling, mostly because the Spotify app still refuses to function correctly once again. It’s not like I’m missing much in terms of unique bars or even cadence. I expected a delivery or flow that was more energetic from the Irish, just saying. There’s a lot of pointless censorship when it’s pretty clear what they’re saying, and the guys are obviously lipsyncing in the video so it’s not like this is some impressive off-the-cuff freestyle. I do like the incredibly deep voice Dbo has but it’s not interesting enough to carry his uninteresting flow and this really minimal, basic drill beat that works for its intended purpose to carry the bars but it does not make an impression further than that and by the end of the track, it’s just dull. I do admit to really liking the fourth guy Offica’s verses here because he has a lot more energy and intriguing flows than the rest of them; if any of this group get a solo career off the back of this I’d expect it to be him, or at least I’d hope so. Overall, though, I’m not a big fan although I don’t think this is bad, just unremarkable. If I thought it was bad, I think this episode would end up being posted posthumously anyway.

#52 – “Zero Zero” – dutchavelli

Produced by The Fanatix

Oh, hey, look! It’s more of the same. I imagine if you follow the US charts, you’d soon get tired of the trap garbage that somehow ends up on there in the lower reaches of the chart when it could be given to more promising mainstream-adjacent acts that end up just popping up on the Bubbling Under. Whilst I don’t really have the same problem with this chart, I am growing tired of UK drill music at this point and its indignant refusal to be interesting. It’s not like I have an issue with the music itself because I can usually ignore it, but does all of it really HAVE to chart? When it was new and relatively interesting I welcomed it but the sparse drum patterns, badly mixed 808s and “menacing” pianos are all very much getting on my nerves at this point in the year, especially when the chart is flooded with this stuff. For every weekly pathetic house-pop tune we get, we also get at least three drill “bangers”. Maybe the charts have just made me cynical. I should probably maybe rest before trying to continue this episode – I’ve given a notice on Twitter that grants me more time so I suppose I’ll get back to you when I’m not mindlessly ranting about drill music.

Alright, so I haven’t slept but Spotify has decided to function for now, and I guess I might as well use this opportunity to write about the last few arrivals. We all have our “off” days, and this was one of mine so I apologise if this episode isn’t up to scratch – even if admittedly, I’m telling myself that more than anyone else. Oh, and this song is actually kind of fun, with his really elegant strings that are backed up by some hard-hitting drill percussion that actually makes for a pretty hard beat here, especially with those extra sound effects. Seriously, props to the Fanatix for this, and dutchavelli actually brings a lot more energy than I expected, even on the ad-libs on the chorus, though of course, the content isn’t anything new. He is finding new and funny ways to talk about crack cocaine trafficking though, so I commend that. The skit is kind of pointless but I’m sure it makes sense in the album. That was quick! In fact, I’m going to try and be quick before I fall asleep.

#49 – “Spin this Coupe” – Abra Cadabra

Produced by H1K and Zenith

I’ve restarted Spotify so many times and I’ve restarted my computer at least thrice. This desktop app still refuses to function and this is a recent but bloody persistent problem. Maybe I should just re-download the Spotify app, but it does aggravate me that it does this when I’m supposed to be, you know, REVIEWING THE CHARTS. It’s not like it’s down for other people either, it just likes to freeze on me for no reason other than my own suffering. There’s a Dave song coming so I’ve kind of been raring to get to that but just to keep myself in check and on routine I suppose I need to listen to this garbage. I didn’t mind Abra Cadabra on the “BLM” song from a few weeks ago and I do like the semi-introspective tone he has lyrically here, showing some kind of self-awareness about the gang violence he discusses in his music. Lyrics like that are few and far between however and more often than not it’s just uninspired gunplay and some flexing over some drill type beat. I swear I’ve heard that exact same hi-hat sound and pattern so many times, and other than some overly-energetic ad-libs that make this shoddily-mixed track even uglier sounding, Abra Cadabra is not selling any of this, even when he does a more rapid-pace, energetic yelling flow. He’s not saying anything memorable and he’s only vaguely on beat. I mean, it’s fine but I’m sick of this already. There’s a preview of another song on the YouTube video for this song and I thought it was just another verse. Come on, lads, think of something else.

#35 – “Straight Murder (Giggs & David)” – Giggs featuring Dave

Produced by KeyzMusic

What an odd title. It’s like if I called this show REVIEWING THE CHARTS (Cactus), like we know your names, guys. Is this how they want to credit Dave as a co-lead artist or something? I’ve got no idea but this is our second and final track from Giggs’ Now or Never and thank God, it features Dave, a British rapper I really enjoy. His album PSYCHODRAMA was one of the best records I heard last year and I’ve consistently liked most of his stuff, specifically his brand of cool, relaxed flows and blunt, admittedly corny punchlines with a lot of conscious influence and cleverness that most of these drill guys wouldn’t dare to try and implement in their singles. He and J Hus form a crossroad between the mainstream British rap scene and more underground or alternative acts; he strikes me very much as a more accessible male Little Simz, a sharp lyricist with a lot of unique charm who knows how to have fun. In fact, the one thing I don’t think Dave can do convincingly is rap on a drill beat, or at least one like “Paper Cuts” where he just sounded sloppy. He also had a feature on a D-Block Europe song that was just comical, so I can’t say his recent efforts have been as good but that performance of “Black” at the BRITs really cemented him as one of the best British musicians in the charts right now for me and a lot of other people, so this acts as kind of a comeback single for him, even if it is just a throwaway feature track – there’s a reason this debuted so high. I do think this could stick around as well since Dave does have longevity. I still bump “Funky Friday” more than two years later, although to be fair that did hit #1. This won’t, but is it good? Yeah, this appeals to the part of me that just wants bars over a pretty solid, atmospheric trap beat, and Dave does sound checked-out at times but that’s always been a part of his casual, sliding delivery. There is a lot of empty space in his verse but it’s always played out for comedic effect I feel and while this is a flow he’s definitely used before, the sheer length of this verse means it would be difficult for him to have more hits and misses and yeah, his delivery makes nearly all of these lines hit. Compare the amount of Genius annotations on his verse to how many are on Giggs and you can see why I like this guy a lot more. He may be blunt but it has layers and layers of charm to it, and some of these bars are more than they look to be on the surface. Even his opening line about taking orders can be explained in various different ways: he knows about taking orders but he “doesn’t know” about taking orders, suggesting he doesn’t like taking orders, but what are these orders? They could be taking orders from a boss and now he’s a boss but they could also be about drug trafficking or sending out hits, and then he really “doesn’t know” about taking orders, if you catch my drift. Other than that, he uses his “Streatham” flow to mostly flex but there’s tons of wordplay and I appreciate that more than the boring matter-of-fact structure of verses that half of these other UK rappers have. He’s just effortlessly spitting here and I’ll take that any week but especially this week. Welcome back, Dave, I’m excited to see what you’ve got in store for your next album. Oh, and Giggs is here but who gives a –

#23 – “Confetti” – Little Mix

Produced by TM5

Surprisingly, no Little Mix songs penetrated the top 20, or at least no new ones. In fact, this is our only new song from the girls thanks to silly UK chart rules, and, really, it’s just here because it’s the title track. I can’t say much about Little Mix because I feel there’s nothing to discuss. The new album is something I have not bothered to listen to out of pure disinterest, and this title track... doesn’t seem like a title track. You’d think a title track would be a bit flashier than some dated DJ Mustard hyphy-like beat with pretty pitiful trap percussion and plastic vocal production that makes the girls sound admittedly less inhuman than usual. In fact, they sound more human here than ever, maybe because they’re surrounded by one of the stiffest R&B instrumentals I’ve ever heard, and partly because some of the background vocal melodies are actually pretty catchy, even if the chorus makes it clear that none of it matters since the non-existent pay-off is not worth any of the similarly void build-up. This is a fine, rather understated song where the girls mostly just flex – which is pretty unheard of for a dance-pop track – so I have no issue with it but this could have actually been good... and was once again watered down by manufactured factory-sealed production. Speaking of talented women being let down by production...

#22 – “pov” – Ariana Grande

Produced by Oliver Frid, TBHits and Mr. Franks

So we got the obviously planned pop smashes out of the way from Positions so now it’s time to see what the fans are really gravitating to and to my surprise, it’s the closer. This is the fan favourite from the record and is just now charting because “motive” dropped out and it’s clear why this one is the preferred track. It takes somewhat of an introspective outlook but very much through an immature, lovestruck tone running through the track and its really sweet lyrical content, where she just expresses how much her partner loves her to the point of her even feeling some bizarre envy in the chorus, as she wants to reach a level of self-love comparable to how her partner feels about her. She wants to see why her partner loves her this much despite what she perceives as tragic flaws. By the bridge, she reaches a conclusion that there isn’t any emotional baggage coming with this relationship anymore, a natural book-end to her “leaving her baggage at the door” in the opener of the album. I love the vocal melodies here, with her multi-tracked cooing really shining beautifully amongst the flourishes of strings and more subtle pianos, with trap-adjacent snapping percussion that is actually well implemented and adds a sense of casualness to the song that would otherwise perhaps seem too melodramatic for Ariana. Also, the last line in the chorus is admirable and it works as a perfect closer to the record.

Conclusion

So there is a single good song here, and that is “pov” by Ariana Grande which snags Best of the Week, and, sure, while I like Dave on “Straight Murder (Giggs & David)”, Giggs royally screws up so it can only get the Honourable Mention. For Worst of the Week it’s going to The Kid LAROI just in general for both “WITHOUT YOU” and “ALWAYS DO”, with the latter only being slightly more tolerable. I guess I can give the Dishonourable Mention to Giggs as well for whatever “Buff Baddies” is. Sigh... here’s this terrible week’s top 10.

Thank you for reading my uncharacteristically cynical and just mean ramblings on pop music this week. You can follow me @cactusinthebank on Twitter, I promise I’m not as angry on there. See you next week for hopefully something better than this.

[thewisemankey]

The Wise Mankey Commission: Part The Sixty First by AlanES

In the next installment of “Alan finally works on his best friend’s commissions,” here’s a little something that is the start of a series of pics I’m doing.

It’s part of an unofficial collection of playlists I got going on of songs that relate to the cast of the timeless webcomic The Rogue’s Gallery, soon to be Rogue Neo in the hopefully not TOO distant future. A small cadre of 8 songs for each one that were either used by Alan before in the past or hand-picked by me that I feel closely relates to each individual character. Why 8? Because it’s my favorite number. And the pics that will accompany each playlist features the character will illustrate how they listen to music. As if they were listening to the playlists themselves, so to speak.

So of course I start off strong with my #1 in all of Alan’s creations, Destiny Rule. What can I say, I’ve been fond of her for ages and that feeling ain’t gonna die. She kinda set a standard for me in what I look for in women, if I’m totally honest. Not that I’m looking for anyone who’s EXACTLY like her, but I’d like to think I’ll find one close enough. ANYWAY, enough fawning. Under the cut I’ll go into detail about why each individual song is included for Des’ playlist...and hopefully other people will give the songs a listen and even recreate them on their own!

1. “Gemini Salsa” by McVaffe

-Hopefully longtime TRG fans like me remember where THIS one came from. But here’s the refresher, a while back in TRG’s prime, (and there was MOST DEFINITELY a prime even if Alan would never admit it. XP) there was an semi-animated flash bio that told more about the cast in-depth. Before it was made, the comic was in the middle of the mini-arc where Helldandy (Belldandy’s evil form) cut off Destiny’s former long hair in an act of revenge. (Wonder how many people remember THAT?) Before Des’ new do was officially done in the comic, the bio flash came out and basically showed it ahead of time.

I never forgot how I felt when I first saw her new look up close and this song hit. If I was carrying a glass, I woulda dropped it. If I had a monocle, it woulda flown off my eye. If I was working at a Nuclear Power Plant and glanced at her, I’d have imagined her recreating the Venus De Milo with my coworkers taking the form of cherubs asking if I’ve never seen a naked chick riding a clam before. (Hey, maybe THAT will be my next commission idea! XD) But you get the point. It symbolized the first time I legit fell for her. And that’s the origins of my Madness for Des. So yeah, that’s what makes the song the tops here.

2. “La Femme d’Argent” by Air

-For those not familiar with the band Air, they’re a French electronica duo who are NOT Daft Punk. (I think they were both under the same record label at one time, tho. If they still aren’t.) My brother introduced me to them when he’d play the album “Moon Safari” in the car and I was basically hooked on how relaxing the songs were. Especially THIS one in particular which I honestly felt was VERY fitting for her. It’s relaxed, but upbeat. It definitely paired together well with that donation desktop image of Destiny lying across the ground with one of her legs upwards. WHEN THE SONG HITS THAT IMAGE JUST RIGHT...

*ahem* So yes, even if you’re not as hardcore a TRG fan as I am, I definitely recommend this particular song at least. It’s good for a nap on a rainy day.

3. “Magnetman Goes West (OC Remix)” by Disco Dan

-Here’s one that predates “Gemini Salsa,” this here’s the song that was played during Destiny’s scene in the TRG Episode 100 flash special. Amazing what Megaman songs do for the TRG cast, eh? But yeah, this song just carries that magical essence for a magical woman. I know it sounds slightly country, (hence the name “Goes West”) but I don’t think that matters, it just adds more to the relaxed/upbeat contrast this playlist is centered around with this gong in particular leaning more towards the upbeat portion of it. Of course if you NEED justification of this being a little country, you can always turn to my pic of Des dressed like Nico Robin. :B

4. “9 P.M. (’Til I Come)” by ATB

-Over a decade ago while I was living in West Palm Beach with my dad, I very often listened to a local techno radio station called “Party 93.1″ which sadly doesn’t exist anymore. But during its’ time I recall hearing this song and it made me think of the previous one “Magnetman Goes West,” It had that familiarity to it, maybe with the essence of slightly being the opposite of said song. Try listening to one and then the other and you’ll probably get what I mean. Either way, it made me think of Des and THAT’S why it’s here.

5. “Electra” by Airstream

-NOT to be confused by Air, this is a different artist altogether. This one goes WAY deep into the relaxation factor. I actually discovered this song a while back when an artist I follow on DA recommended this as a song to be paired up with a VERY NSFW pic they did of Luffy and Nami from One Piece getting it on. Despite the purpose, I easily heard this as a song that Destiny would listen to during her downtime. Maybe trying to take a nap or do some yoga. Definitely helps when I’M napping and/or thinking of Des, that’s for sure.

6. “Ordinary World” by Aurora

-Here’s another song I overheard of Party 93.1 ages ago, a cover of the hit song by the band Duran Duran except more stylish and spiritual, JUST THE WAY I LIKE IT. Hearing this song makes me think of an image of Des standing atop a building on a cloudy day every time. (An image I think Alan SOMEWHAT produced during the chase for Helldandy arc if I recall correctly.)

I er, also might have picked this song because it made me imagine an alternate reality where Jorge Amingo died and Des turned to me for comfort.

GIVE A GUY A BREAK IN REACHING FOR THE LOW HANGING FRUIT. XP

7. “Underneath It All” by No Doubt

Something about the singing styles of Gwen Stefani always put me at ease, especially in THIS song. It was chosen in particular because in my heydays of The Fallout Shelter, I did a bunch of custom wallpapers for both the people of the forums and whatever characters they had. When i did Destiny’s wallpaper, I used this song. Because loathe as I am to admit it, it fit into her unrequited love for Jorge. Seriously, most of the lyrics relate to her. I believe Alan also had some reservations about this song for various reasons once upon a time (assuming he still does) so that’s also why it’s there. =P

8. “Somnias Memorias (Platinum Edition)” by Keiichi Takahashi and Shani Rigsbee

Finally to the meat of the matter, the CURRENT theme song for Des that Alan has assigned her and GOD ALMIGHTY IS IT PURE SEX OR WHAT.

Of course that’s natural, it was used for the game Parasite Eve and Alan has VERY often compares Des to the game’s leading lady Aya Brea. He’s even done a Halloween pic of her dressed like Aya. (I dunno if that’s still visible in his DA gallery these days but IT’S REAL, IT’S DAMN REAL.) It definitely fits her to a T. Or a D for the sake of Yanging it up. HURHUR.

It’s magical, enchanting, smooth, and sultry. I don’t even need to describe it or justify why it’s in the playlist any more than I have to at this point JUST LISTEN TO IT.

So that’s only the first step in this series. THERE WILL BE OTHERS. And anyone who knows me will probably have an idea of who’s next up to bat after this one...