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#yk what i'll just do more tmrrw i just want to take this time rn for myself
noxtivagus · 1 year
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aghh i'll be fine
#🌙.reblogs#my energy's like gone rn to like. idk do more but#like i can do what i have to i guess i'll message my friends later abt the fair n all but rn i'm just so#tumblr's my safe space you see? i don't have to push myself. in this empty space of the internet.. of something i cannot touch or feel#literally at least is just. ironically comforting to me. so i'll take my time here. i'm fine here.#i'm too tired rn but.. yh idk if you'll see this but i do see everything in my notifs n thank you :c#the more i learn the more i understand the more i live n the more i just. yeah. live more n more#it's not all bad.. i know better. i know better than my despair. but but i understand so much that. it just. it just hurts. it's too much.#it's.. too much to put into words but i know that i. i don't belong in this sort of world#i just want to cry freely. i just want time to stop even for just a minute or so.#i think i'm lonely. i have family n friends but#this barrier. i think this stupid barrier just hurts so much it hurts so much n rn i feel like crying again but i can't. i really shouldn't#not now. yk at least tmrrw i'll just stay at home but then school again on monday.. i'm so tired#it's overwhelming bcs it's not just. this. my own pain. it.. probably doesn't seem like it but#i think i understand apollo so well. i'm not very obvious abt it but i really do#n then the rest of my friends too i can just. tell when i'm around them what they're struggling with.#i do know how to read people well after all. i observe n watch all my life#being insatiable hurts huh? i want to learn so much i want to understand more i want to accomplish more than i can#maybe i'm naive. i don't know. i just want to hold unto hope even if.. so much is really hopeless bcs#we've all gone this far haven't we? we've evolved so much n the. the universe is in constant motion#n despite how fleeting life is.. yeah all that tgther is comforting n distressing. simultaneously. n it's overwhelming.#n maybe.. i too cld make it past this. many like me have n many haven't. wish i cld be one of the ones to live on. n i cld#i cld help others too. as much as i can. to make this world better. is it naive to want to do good? to love the beauty in this world?#to accept myself as human n yearn for what we all deserve. we're all human. n.. it's hard i know how hard it is to live n#that's why i want to help so much but i wish i had smth like me too yk?if i stopped hesitating if i wasn't afraid if i could just#it hurts its so overwhelming thinking of how everyone's human too. n i understand myself. so i understand others more too n#i really don't know how to write it but it's just so overwhelming#it just. exists all at once. i can't stop feeling like this but i know better but i can't.. i can't. i just can't. i feel so helpless#i felt like thhis so much yesterday too i cldn't do more n it hurt so much seeing n noticing so much but i was so fucking helpless#i'm sorry. i'm so sorry
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