#yknow when howell is like how did you get in here

[mawguai]

rewatched lazy in space recently

[lilacponds]

u want questions and shit?? well listen up f u c k e r; all the multiples of 5 g o

I already oneupped u so no need for me to tell u that ur a (lovely) fuck, but also I love answering stuff and having an excuse to talk about myself so rly u just did me a favour so thank you bb ♥ (but dont try to oneup the Questions Queen again :eyes:)

Answers under read more for the poor unfortunate souls that follow me ✮

5: 4 turn on’s.

Well okay that’s how it’s gonna start. Um, let’s see.

1, strength, show me someone strong and I swoon, although it depends on ppl because what I prefer is kind strong people because I don’t wanna be afraid for my life ya know?? But show me someone fuckin wrecking the shit out of someone shitty that deserves it and they got me.

2, uhh, turn ons hmm, possessiveness maybe. Like, I know it can be actually bad, but a healthy amount of possessiveness makes me melt. (If we want to go on a more nsfw-ish route, then that’d imply possessive kisses and leaving hickies and okay I’ll stop here)

3, dominance. I’m a really anxious and nervous wreck that doesn’t know what she’s doing, so someone taking the lead is much appreciated, and quite attractive if not shown in an unhealthy way, yknow?

4, full nsfw, light bondage. Does this count as turn on or fetish or what? I don’t even know but tie my hands up and I melt. This is getting more nsfw than I first intended. Ellie I apologise if you get uncomfortable reading this lmfao

10: How tall am I?

I actually don’t know, it’s been a while since I last checked! Last time I was around 163cm but I should really check again soon.

15: Favorite quote?

It’s hard to say that I have a favouite quote simply because I don’t have the memory to remember any, but I at least know that anytime a question about a quote comes up, I can always remember Daniel Howell’s (danisnotonfire’s) “You only live once, so make it a happy one”.

20: First thing I notice in new person?

This one’s a bit tricky to answer, because when I meet a new person I’m more concerned of what they’ll think of me than the other way around. I guess facial features are one thing I notice first, simply because I look at them, but also hair I guess?

25: Ever done a prank call?

You know, I genuinely can’t remember, but I have this strong feeling that it has happened once. I’m trying to recall but nothing concrete comes up, goddammit.

30: Favorite band?

Owl City, deadass. It counts, right?

35: Favorite holiday.

I like Christmas because I like the decorations, the lights, the tree, the food, and especially the gifts, tbh.

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night” texts?

I’m in a server with Ayla, Dave, and Dirk, so yeah, we say good morning and good night to each other! Also, in the server with Elsa and Alex, we’re not constantly talking but there are good morning/good night texts.

Leo used to send me those texts too but I think he realised I’m never awake when he is and that I don’t check WhatsApp enough to reply to his good night ones in time lol, oops. (He’s not on Tumblr but I love you Leo, sorry I’m an ass)

45: Where am I right now?

In my room, like 95% of my time, lmfao.

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

Oh man, I should shoot a text to my best friend soon, I’m such an asshole. But yeah, that’d be Rani! Leo too, but Rani’s been my best friend ever since I was like 13 so he’s really dear to me.

55: What is something I disliked about today?

My day has barely started, soooo... the taste of my meds. Okay, they work well enough with my depression, but they have a horrible taste that makes me want to throw up each morning, man

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind - I like taking photos. Like, a lot.

When my cousin Vanessa was over when we were younger and she had a friend over, sometimes they’d ask me to take pics. Plus, when I went over to her place, sometimes she’d show me a selfie she took/was trying to take and ask me for advice to make it look better. And I’m no professional or anything, I didn’t take any classes or courses and I haven’t done research so I’m not gonna pretend I know anything about it, I don’t know jack shit, but she trusted my taste and instinct which is better than nothing at all, and I just. enjoy it

65: Do I believe in luck?

Yes.

Bro. I’m basically Komaeda but a less extreme version, and kind of opposite.

I have absolutely shitty luck more often than not, but sometimes I have incredibly good luck with something and I’m like, this is to make up for all of that. Nice.

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? 

Oh man, I don’t know. I know I went to the hospital once but I can’t remember why, but it was more sickness than injury I believe, so that’s out of the question. I never got a cast or anything either. Hmm. I’ve twisted my ankles more times than I can count? Oh, and I’m not sure if it counts, but there was a winter I was playing like soccer with my bro inside the house, in the hall, and it’s a tiny ass hall and I was in front of the house door okay, and there’s a radiator next to it okay, and the ball was really small, and instead of kicking it I slipped on it and hit my back half on the door half on the radiator corner and I just... stopped breathing. I believe I could breathe out but not breathe in. I was absolutely terrified. I remember thinking, “this is not how I wanna die”. My brother helped me up and we went to my mom scared shitless and she got scared too but thankfully after a few seconds I could breathe again and I was crying man, that was the scariest shit that’s happened to me.

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

Browsing Tumblr tbh, and who is surprised, really

80: What is my favorite word?

Hmmm. Hard to say. I like the word “quintessence” though.

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

“Do you like me?” Which sounds absolutely silly, I know, but afraid? I don’t really have many secrets or anything, but like... that’s a scary question. Because if you don’t know whether the person you like likes you back, that’s an impossible question. You might say yes and make things awkward and shit, or you might say no but you might ruin any chances you had. It’s an impossible question, man. This probably sounds silly, I know, I know. That’s just how it is.

90: Failed a class?

Ohhhh yup. Oh man, my first year of high school, I went to study, uhhh... behavioural sciences? It’s the first time I think I got the right word, holy shit. So it’s like, sociology, anthropology, psychology, etc. And guess which class I failed out of everything I had? Behavioural sciences.

Listen, they wanted me to remember names and dates and the goddamn life of all these psychologists I don’t give a fuck about and I cannot, okay, I can’t.

95: Left the house without my wallet?

Yeah, there’s a shop right under our house pretty much, and when I need to go grab cigarettes for my mom, if I don’t need a wallet then I just go without, since in 5 minutes I’m gone, bought, and back.

100: Did drugs?

Nah man, just meds for my mental illness. Although I was in the same room while someone smoked a joint, but haven’t tried it myself.

105: Been underweight?

When I was a baby, I think. Mom says I was underweight and the nurses were worried and had to put me in an incubator. She can’t remember how much I weighted though, she was asleep at the time, so I need to ask my dad later.

110: Gotten my heart broken?

I mean, yeah. Silly crushes when I was younger, and just, generally breaking up hurts, you know? But not really anything interesting, so no stories here.

115: Been in airplane?

I have like, this distinct memory of being in an airplane, but I don’t know if it was real or a dream, nor where we went or whatever. I think it was the time we went to a theme park but I really can’t recall so I can’t say for sure.

120: Wore make up?

Yeah bruh. I don’t really wear it often, but I do have makeup and stuff. Usually if I go out and meet up with people I wear at least pink lipliner, but not much else (especially with this warmth). But I do like putting mascara on too, and I bought a liquid eyeliner a while ago I need to practice with!

125: Rode in an ambulance?

I don’t actually know. I know I went to the hospital when I was younger but I don’t know if my dad drove us there or if I went in an ambulance. I really don’t know. And thankfully I never rode an ambulance to be with someone else, although my dad did need one once, but I couldn’t go with, and he ended up being alright anyway, thankfully.

130: Been fishing?

Oh God yeah, I remember I went with my uncle, my bro and my cousin once, but I was absolutely disgusted by the worms so I hung out with my aunt and... I don’t really remember much of what I did, really. I was a smol child, man. But I have never actually fished myself.

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?

Well, I don’t really know. Growing kids isn’t an easy thing, it’s something to be taken seriously and all, so it’s hard to say. I’d like to have more than one though, so they’d have a sibling to spend time with and not feel lonely. Close in age would be better as well, as too much difference can make them become distant, or even cruel to one another (although there’s no guarantee they wouldn’t be even at the same age).

As for their names, well, I want to adopt if I ever get kids, so their names wouldn’t really be up to me. But if whatever reason I had to choose, I’d like for my kids to have gender neutral names. Because if their gender doesn’t match the one they were assigned with at birth, they wouldn’t be as uncomfortable with their name, and people around them could call them a name that doesn’t necessarily go against the gender they actually are but without them having to out themselves. Although they’d still have all the rights to change name if they wanted to. But yeah.

(I particularly like Max, to be honest. Oh, and Alex!)

140: Where do I want to live when older?

Somewhere cold, dear God. Canada sounds nice, although Dylan offered Finland as well as an idea, so I’ll keep my options open. Although I’d have to learn another language to go to Finland probably - or at least it’d be recommended.

145: Am I afraid of heights?

Actually, yeah! But ferriswheels are an exception. I’m just so in love with them I can’t be afraid.

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me.

Oh boy. Um. I’ve been told a lot of shit, man. My brain just deleted them from our history, to not make my depression and anxiety even worse, man.

Um, I’ve been staring at the screen for a couple of minutes now. Well... I guess one that’s never sat well with me, is something my mom said. Which happened a couple of times or so, really. I mentioned the fact that I wanted to kill myself - not actively, that I was really wishing to do that, in an attempt to make her understand what I was feeling - and she was angry and just shouted “Then do it! Goodbye!”

It happened more than once. And it... well, it hurts.

155: Close your eyes and think of five things that make you smile when you think about them. What are they?

My friends, videogames, Voltron, comments on my fanfics, dnd!

160: Is it possible to love someone if you don’t love yourself?

Absolutely yes. I’ve loved so much and so passionately even when I hated myself more than I’ve ever hated anyone else. Anyone that tells you otherwise is saying bullshit.

You can love others without loving yourself. In fact, it can help loving yourself more, I believe - slowly, but it can make a difference.

165: Do you believe in individuals over generalisations?

Absolutely. I don’t like generalising, at all. It’s unfair to people. Although I understand the people that are like “white people are like this” “men are like this”, those are absolutely understandable. But if I met someone, personally, I’d judge them as what they are themselves, and not the generalisation of whatever group they’re part of.

By that, I mean that’s my own personal thought. I don’t expect everyone to do the same, and everyone has their own reasons to do as they believe.

170: Do you have any special or magical memories you’ll always have with you?

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

I was just telling this yesterday to my friend. And I’m p sure I’ve talked about it before but whatever I like mentioning it.

When I was younger I went to the hospital, okay. I stayed various days, and there was this kids room and this nice lady gave me drawings to colour in my room, and told me “Colour them by yourself!”.

Point is, my grandma had come visit me. And I was esthatic. And when we went back to our room, shared a glance, and coloured it together. And it’s not much, but we kept that our little secret, and I had so much fun. It’s one of the best memories I’ll always keep with me. Always.

175: Is there a reason for existence?

Do you want me to have an existential crisis right here right now?

180: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?

Closed. We don’t have a big room and to keep them open would take pretty much half of the room, really.

185: What do you drink with dinner?

I can gobble down food without drinking, man. (Although there have been points where I almost choked that way, oops.) But if I drink, I usually drink water, or iced tea when we have it. If I’m eating outside though I got with a Coke, more often than not.

190: Can you cry on command?

Nah bruh, sometimes I can’t even cry when I feel like crying. My tears have their own will. (Aka they come out when I don’t want them to, goddammit.)

195: What is your usual bedtime?

Oh bruh, that fluctuates a lot. Sometimes I sleep at 3am, sometimes at midnight, sometimes 1 or 2am, but there have been times where I was particularly tired and went to sleep as early as 9 or 10pm. Usually it’s around 2am though.

200: Do you sing in the shower?

Bro, yes. I put on music and sing along to it. I love it man!

205: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

Mostly poet and writer!

210: Do you want to get married?

I... don’t particularly want to? It’s not like, on my wishlist. I mean, I get hype at them, because food and gifts and just an all around good time and especially pretty dresses, yknow? But as for the symbolism of the marriage, I don’t particularly care? I guess it has legal benefits, but aside from that, I don’t really understand much about how being in a relatinoship is different than being married. Like, I’m gonna take my relationship seriously even before getting married, so... I dunno. I guess if I felt like enough time had passed and I was ready for what would be a big step for a lot of people, I wouldn’t turn a proposal down, but if I never got married I wouldn’t particularly care?

215: Have you ever tried sushi? (Did you like it?)

I did and nope, unfortunately. I might attempt again in the future but also I might not.

220: Which friend would you go to in an emergency?

Irl, it depends? I have like, two friends, my man. Probably Leo - I love and trust him, and can rely on him, and also he lives close to me and has a driving license and a car. Also, if it’s like, health-wise emergency, he did a first aid course and stuff, so he’d also probably be useful. Also he’s just a relaxing presence, and a funny guy. I would, without any hint of doubt, trust Leo with my life.

Although he also works in another city so I wouldn’t be able to catch him during the day during the week, so rip me.

225: Ever had a detention?

Nay. Detentions aren’t really a thing here in Italy? Or they’ve never been in any schools I’ve been to, anyway. :3c

Thanks for sending me these, you giant nerd, and have fun reading through ♥