#you C ALLED ME SO THIS IS DISJOINTED BOOOOO

[piraticalarchive]

*poke* hey. i adore you.

me in my best lucas in 2014 voice: i mean .. ur hot. i'm hot. what's not to ship??

okay in all seriousness, you oh you. I live with you and I know I can tell you any of this anytime I want to, but I am horrible with words and my brain has not been cooperating lately. My verbal typos are even worse than my actual typing ones lmao. But ANYWAYS - 8 years ago I was in a place where I never imagined I'd be where I am today. I was bitter about a lot of things, angry at even more and I spent a lot of time being really weirdly introspective. I remember the day before I met I was sitting on campus just sort of chilling in the union where all the places to eat were - and my friends had just all gotten up to leave and go to their class and i was supposed to go to my next one too, but i just kept sitting there. I still remember that moment so vividly and I don't know why - but I remember sitting at that table, sort of watching other tables and watching people laugh and entertain their friends and I just sat there thinking 'are they actually happy? or are they pretending? is that a real feeling that people can feel? or is it something we momentarily make up? you can't always feel like that, right?' - I had no idea who I was. I was miserable and I clung to the belief that I needed to be what I was to make other people happy. I had so carefully constructed a persona and a wall and had gotten really good at being charismatic to the point where people thought we were best friends but would stop and look at me weird sometimes and be like 'wait, i actually don't know anything about you'.

You came into my life and screwed that all up. i was being my woo hoo party time pirate!! self and I literally just yelled at you and kind of dragged you into my life and you came along willingly. And you were the first person who saw me. There were a lot of times I turned to other people because I was so ashamed of who I was in that moment, what I was doing and I didn't want you to know. I cared about you so much already and I never wanted you to stop being my friend or to be like 'okay yeah, you're a lost cause. good luck, mate' - but you never did. There were a lot of growing pains and sometimes there still are haha. Before I met you I honestly didn't think I was ever capable of understanding love and that I would never find someone I wanted to spend my life with (me: i'm an island dammit!!') but you changed that. I've learned over the last 8 years that love isn't happily forever after the first kiss, it's not something that is always an emotion you can feel. Love is "you are really pissing me off!!" and then ten minutes later being like "okay we're still fighting and I know that but - did you take your meds?" Love is you washing my hair when I can barely function and us laughing for three hours over 'there's a goddamn 'h' in it!!' and finishing each other's sentences and getting even more irritated when you're irritated because you're trying to pretend like you're not irritated but the other person is like 'you just breathed out for 5 seconds, you normally only breathe out for like 3. i know you're upset. what's wrong??'. Love is saying to your partner "this is who I am" and having them say back "I know. I was waiting for you to tell me". And when you question if they feel the same, if anything has changed, they say "of course not. it's you. it's always been you. it will always be you.'

Love is spending the rest of your life with your best friend, choosing every day to love them through whatever challenge life throws your way and to hold their hand during it. You have picked me up so much over the last 8 years and I know you kind of got sold false advertising (thank you, mental breakdown for completely rearranging my personality) but you always tell me you didn't. so we'll agree to disagree lmao. I love you so much ! I forever and always will. Thanks for writing our sexy leather clad boys with me uwu