#you can't tell me this man sees that move on some shitty 90s show and immediately incorporates it into his arsenal of things that

[hellt00th]

things im fucking feral over: garrus taking every single opportunity he gets to tenderly tuck some strands of shepards hair behind her ear

[novadreii]

Hi! I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry you went through all of that with your ex. That sounded so hard, but you sound pretty resilient! Can I share my story here, I'm at such a loss and I'm in a relationship that sounds kind of similar. Very hot and cold. Used to think the world of me, now he hates my guts. I do struggle with anxiety and ocd and am on medication to help, but I stg he makes it a million times worse than it needs to be.

He's been treating me worse and worse in last 6 months (1.5 years together), but then I will get occasional flashes of the guy I fell in love with in the beginning and it's like I get freaking amnesia for all the shitty treatment (he mainly just straight up ignores me like I don't exist when I don't behave exactly the way he wants me to, stays out till 5am without any contact, likes pics of and follows Instagram models which I haaaateeee, etc). I just want the man I fell for back. I know I should probably leave but the thought of following through feels like dying. I really love him so much. Can I ask you to share any tips that made leaving easier? To get over your love for them? I am so miserable, but I'm scared leaving will be the wrong decision. Gahhh I'm sorry this is so long. I need help and have nobody I can really confide in :/.

Hello and hi! Of course you can share and I'd love to share what worked for me. My jaw was agape reading your ask because 90% of this sounds exactly like my ex. Specifically, the hot and cold treatment, the devaluation, lack of empathy and the silent treatment as a control strategy.

Believe me, I know how gut-wrenchingly painful someone you love who supposedly loves you ignoring your entire existence like you're a ghost they can't interact with is. To look in their eyes and see literally nothing there, to know they couldn't give a shit if you lived or died.

You can leave. And I really think you should. This kind of misery over time erodes your mental health, self-esteem, sense of self, and your physical health too. The longer you stay, the higher the cost.

Good news is, you are probably not as in love with this person as you think. Your subconscious knows it's not safe to love people who don't care about you, but you CAN absolutely become addicted to a person like they are a drug.

You are likely dating some kind of narcissist/sociopath/avoidant. Hard to tell, even with mine, but the telltale stonewalling/silent treatment, devaluation of things he used to love about you, and complete lack of empathy for your suffering points in those directions. They put on such a good fucking show in the beginning, I bet he love bombed the shit out of you and it's hard to resist such devout adoration. Believe me, I knowwwwww.

Look up trauma bonds on YouTube. There are tons of videos. The intermittent reinforcenent from the hot/cold behaviour keeps you addicted and coming back for more. You think if you can just shrink yourself down enough, you can bring him back. It's why leaving feels impossible even though you're not happy anymore. You have hope, and hope is normally a beautiful thing to have. But not when it comes to people who are emotionally immature and unavailable.

You need to cut this person off cold turkey, in my opinion. Move away, cut all contact, remove them and block them on everything. Yes, you need to detox from a person. It's the same principle as quitting cigarettes. Even a puff every now and again will keep you addicted.

This will feel like ass. A withdrawal for the ages. Your heart will feel so broken, but it WILL PASS. You have to keep that faith to get through. During this time the best thing to do is stay busy, lean on your support network, and take care of yourself.

The single most effective thing I did to get over him though was concentrate on all the negative things about him and our relationship. All the awful memories. The nights spent crying myself to sleep alone in our bed because he insisted we couldn't work on our relationship in the same home and took off to his fucking parents' house for 3 months lmao.

When I missed him, I would replay all the moments he ignored me, denied me closeness/communication, literally stared at me expressionless when I cried and begged for him to talk to me. I treated this like science (bc it is) and trained myself to associate him with only the pain he caused me, which was substantial. No good times, no positive traits. Bad times only.

I screenshotted any awful interactions I could find over text messages, and deleted literally everything else positive about our relationship that I could find on my phone, Discord and Tumblr. We had a little server that documented our relationship, I left it so I wouldn't be tempted to read over the good times. I left/sold whatever gifts he got me, or any reminders/memorabilia of us. It's like the CIA did a crime scene wipe of this man from my life.

The memories that remain are the awful ones only. Without reminders of the good, you'd be surprised at what you can forget with time. The good times and tender moments will fade. Sometimes they pop back in; send those memories some love & gratitude and move on.

Do not text or call him, this gives him power over you. He will think he can still treat you however the fuck he wants to if you hang around. He will not respect you. Whenever you miss him, replay the abuse, journal as if you're writing to him, but do not under any circumstances contact him. You must delete this person from your life in order to rebuild it.

People were trying to give me the same advice 6 months before we broke up, but I stubbornly clung on. I wasn't ready, I hadn't suffered enough yet. I really believed his bullshit, that he loved me and wanted to work on things, but his actions never once lined up with his words.

Once I realized that, it became apparent that the Good™ side of him I was hoping to see again, the man I fell for, was no longer there. Real or not, he was gone like the mfing wind and I was going to destroy my sanity trying so hard to get him back. He became a stranger to me.

So, I broke up with him, realizing that this would be my life for who knows how long if I didn't put my foot down. I genuinely couldn't do another second of it. He ignored my break up message too, LOL.

It took me a few weeks to confidently feel like I did not love him romantically anymore. He was wanting to be stay friends, hinting at getting back together one day, and at first I was so pathetically receptive. But one night a few weeks after the breakup I asked if we could clear the air so I could move past this and be able to be friends, and he fucking shut me down AGAIN. Again!!!! After everything he put me through. I felt so fucking dismissed, unheard, and embarrassed that I'd thrown my dignity on the floor for someone who proved time and time again he didn't give a fuck about my needs or wants.

This is when I understood that this is not love!!! Love does not only take. It is not concerned with ego or power or with satisfying one's own desires only. Love is empathy, it's having compassion and mercy. He had none of these things for me. He wanted to string me along for God knows how long so he could get his validation without doing any work. This was the moment I broke fucking free and never looked back. I saw and focused on his selfishness and cruelty, and disgust set in for me in place of love.

I'm so sorry friend. It feels like such a betrayal to have someone you love so deeply and who you feel genuinely loves you pull such a total switch up on you. It fucks with your head. But you will be okay, if you cut them out. No contact, no sex, no social media. I encourage therapy if you have access to it.

Someone who loves you for real will be unable treat you badly on a chronic ongoing basis. They won't be able to see you cry without gathering you into their arms. Your pain will feel unbearable to them. This man does not fucking love you my dear. I'm sorry, truly, but I wish I'd understood this for myself years before I did.

Tldr: trauma bonds, negative associations only, no contact, detox, self care and spending time with people who actually care about you so can contrast how it feels.

I hope everything works out. Let me know how it goes if you'd like, I know how fucking isolating this shit is and I'm here if you need. No presh tho.

[revchainsaw]

The Crow (1994)

Alright Cult of Cult. Do I really need to introduce this one? Let's get all 90s and gothy and maybe brace ourselves for a bit of cringe, but like in a fun way. It's the Holy Grail of Hot Topic, 1994's the Crow Starring Brandon Lee.

Sermon

Apparently before the auto industry totally crashed Detroit was already a total fucked to death pile of burning shit, or at least that's what the crow would have you believe. Sorry Bruce Campbell, and other people from Detroit, but mostly Bruce Campbell. According to the Crow the city of Detroit is the kind of place where gangs of warlock anarchist arsonists will bomb buildings, and murder and rape whoever they feel like and then walk around bragging about it the next day with absolutely zero consequences. Funny then that if Detroit was so bad they had to go to film this movie in Wilmington North Carolina which is definitely a fucked to death pile of burning shit. I can say that, I'm from there and I got the fuck out. My brother is going to kill me if he ever reads this. (It's okay, these are all jokes people). Did you know they also filmed the Super Mario Bros movie there ... also cuz they needed a really shitty looking distopia. Moving on ...

The ludicrous criminality of the Crow's Detroit is particularly on display on Halloween. In Detroit (apparently) Halloween is known as Devils Night and it's legitimately just a night of pure lawlessness and chaos and kids aren't even safe to get candy, except later when we do see trick or treaters. Eric Draven, hunky goth rocker who sort of looks like he could be Bruce Lee's Kid and his fiance are murdered by a gang of vicious criminals. One year hence, Eric is resurrected by a mystical crow (that is actually a Raven), to exact his revenge on the gang that murdered him.

He paints his face like sad Alice Cooper and refuses to listen to Joy Division, just covers. He murders Tin Tin (a knife guy) just for his long gothy duster, he murders Fun Boy and forcibly ejects heroine from her arms and tells her "Go be a good mom now" which actually works. (have I told you about our Lord and Savior Sting? He gave me the strength to get off drugs), he blows T Bird up dick first, and then comes for Skab? Scraap? Scooby? in a meeting of all of Detroits villains and just about kills them all.

He is supported by the most 90s little girl to have ever graced the screen, and I am here for it, and Officer Albrecht, who's played by Ernie Hudson but I like to call him Zeddemore: The Most Underrated Ghostbuster. The leader of the bad guys, who I cannot beleive wasn't played by Brad Dourif or Tom Waits, is pretty interested in the occult. He keeps his witchy girlfriend around and she makes him fun dishes like smoked eyeballs, and her main use is that she knows that the Crow is the Crows weakness. They set Tony Fucking Todd on the bird, and I guess you just have to hurt the bird and not kill it, and Eric loses his healing factor and other macabre undead powers.

The Crow, Jimmy the Raven, pecks out Dr. Girlfriends eyeballs, I honestly forget how Tony Todd gets offed, and Top Dollar gets Gargoyled (that is impaled on a gargoyle). Funnily enough that is more Gargoyle related impaling on screen then in the actual movie Gargoyle: Wings of Darkness where a Gargoyle is supposed to have impaled a guy.

The Benediction

Best Feature: Injustice League

In the Crow we have not only a set of super memorable villains but they are played by the bad guy all stars. John Polito as the most lowly of the bad guys as a kind of sleazy pawn shop owner who buys ill gotten gains. Tony Todd, who's size is really on display here, the freaking Candy Man is in this movie. T Bird is the head of Top Dollars goons and is played by David Patrick Kelly, you might know as the "Warriors Come Out and Play!!" bottle guy from the Warriors, or as Jimmy Horne from Twin Peaks, and of course Top Dollar himself is played by Michael Wincott. Wincott is not a particularly celebrated actor but has played villains effectively in Robin Hood, the Three Musketeers, and Dead Man.

Best Set Piece: Detroit Style Hot Dogs

The Set design of the Crow is perhaps one of it's most fantastic features. It's very moody and ethereal. It's just real enough to not take you out of the film, but fantastic enough to set mood and theme above realism. From Eric Draven's apartment, to the church where the final battle occurs they are all fantastic. I think that's why I really wanted to shine the spot light on a very minor set piece that would get nary a mention but just as effectively represents the qualities I was just talking about and that is the Maxi Doggs Hot Dog Stand, where a lot of the films exposition for audience surrogates takes place.

Worst Effect: Freeze Frame

At a few points in the movie the film makers made a strange decision to do these freeze frame transitions. I only noticed it twice in the movie where it was particularly stupid. I'm sure the film makers at the time thought it was a moody and atmospheric choice that highlighted the suffering that Eric Draven was going through, but it didn't age well. If you don't have the sensibilities of a goth girl from 1994 then it's very very hard not to laugh at just how self involved the movie is about it's super sadness.

Worst Feature: Tragic Accident

Solely based on the film itself, it is that very gothic and dated sensibility that hurts the Crow. The little sarcastic dance he does when he flees the police, quoting Edgar Allen Poe, and bowing to Albrecht. These affected behaviors that I'm sure seemed snarky and right on to the target audience only serve to make Eric Draven seem like an unbearable neck beard edgelord and not the troubled dark soul he's supposed to be. I'm sure at the time it seemed unique and gothy but that shit went out of style for good reason, people could see through it. It's a shame that the Crow himself was some of the cringiest parts of this movie now that I'm seeing it as an adult and not a 13 year old middle class boy with no real problems.

This however is not the low point of the movie. It's not news now and if you're reading some dudes review of The Crow on Tumblr then you probably already know the story. The worst thing about The Crow is that Brandon Lee was horrifically killed on set while filming this movie due to some negligible prop malfunctions. A series of unfortunate events that lead to the actor spending 6 hours in surgery fighting for his life before eventually passing. It was not a quick or painless death and it's really impossible to watch the movie without an appreciation for the fact that this kind of fun dark adventure was going to be a vehicle for Brandon Lee's career wound up taking his life. He was 28. I really wish I could have just bitched about the goofy goth stuff and moved on, but that's not the world we live in.

Best Effect: The Gargoyling

Maybe I should have called this best kill. But I'm not sure which it is. The slaying of Top Dollar at the Climax of the film was just super effective. The pointed wings impaling his chest and that horn coming out of his mouth, it was morbid and excellent and just fit the tone of the movie perfectly. I mean how many other movies can you say Cause of Death: Impaled on a Gargoyle.

Best Bird: The Raven

I tried very hard to look up the name of the bird that primarily performed in this movie and could not find anything. There was a Raven once upon a time called Jimmy the Raven, but that was in the 50s and I don't think birds live that long. There was a team of Ravens performing as the crow, they were chosen over crows for their larger size, and more imposing silhouettes. I just think it's so wonderful to see these often maligned birds get a chance to show off their talents. Corvids of all kinds are incredibly intelligent creatures. Im a sucker for animals, if you haven't already figured that out. I really liked seeing the ravens hit their marks, particularly the one whos job it was to drop the wedding ring into Sarah's hand at the end of the film. You can see that greedy little bastard do his trick and then look of camera at his trainer like "treat please!". It's very cute.

Best Actor: Top Dollar Performance

I'd love to take this opportunity to just put praise upon Brandon Lee, he truly gave everything for this role, but unfortunately with what was put to film we actually have very few character moments with Eric Draven. Stuff happens to him, and he does killings and fights. There's definitely some personality, but I felt like I walked away knowing almost nothing about who Eric Draven was. He was clearly a good dude but that and a few hobbies and a relationship and you don't really have a character yet. He's unfortunately not given a lot of acting to do, instead just relegated to stunts and action sequences. That were notably cool.

The bad guys in the Crow have a lot more character and among this who's who of character actors, Michael Wincott takes the cake. Hell he was standing next to Candyman himself, Tony Todd and still stealing the scenes.

Best Character: A Few Good Apples

Is the best character in The Crow really going to be the cop? The commissioner Gordon stand in? yeah, it is. Not to be political, but I don't like cops, but I guess in a world with magical birds and eyeball smoking I can suspend my disbelief and let Ernie Hudson be #1 cop dad. His character is really the heart of the film, since all Eric can do is brood and fight, we have to care about someone in this movie.

Best Sequence: Halloween Party

The best sequence of the movie is of course the scene where Eric Draven busts in on the Devil's Night party planning commission. I think Top Dollar brought Scrappy Doo there just so he could lure out the crow, knowing the baddest assholes in all of Detroit would be gathered it was likely that somebody was going to kill the beast, or if they couldn't at least Top Dollar could get a feel for his enemy. It's a bullet flying action sequence with a ton of weight. I can't put my finger on this all to common weightless third act problem that big budget super hero and action flicks have nowadays, but whatever that issue is, the Crow does not have that issue. From this point on the Climax feels earned and I am invested. For that reason, The Crow is honestly better in spite of its awkwardness, than many of the super hero movies out today.

Worst Sequence: My Guitar Gently Weeps

Speaking of brooding or fighting. The best sequence was fighting, the worst is brooding. I get that Eric was in a band or something, but didn't he have shit to do. It seemed like it was a cool idea for a shot, but for like a whole seen, watching somebody play an 80s guitar solo, that stood out so brazenly from the choices of music in the rest of the movie was extra corny. It felt like someone's( dad trying to relate to their kid. Oh you like Music. The Dresden Dolls eh? Oh man, then you're going to love Slash's Snake Pit!

Summary

The Crow is dated. It is iconic but I wonder how many of the people that hang that poster on the wall have watched that movie since they were kids. It's interesting how what i've liked and disliked about this film have changed so much sense I was a kid. It's a cheeseball fiesta. If you have matured at all beyond thinking that being sad is the same as being deep then you're going to like it a little less than you did when you were younger, but it is still solid. There's not much to hate on. I'd watch it over and over again. I was really afraid it would not hold up at all, but returning to The Crow was a completely positive experience.

Overall Grade: B