#you don't need to throw away themes for wish fulfilment

[ludcake]

sometimes i think some of you need to throw up your hands and just go do some asoiaf discord oc rp in private. it's fine. nobody will shame you for it. you can have your cool au and your weird characters and your unique dynamics and your personal headcanons. not everything that comes from asoiaf needs to be canon. you're not forced to stay to canon. go have some fun. go write a weird dragongender targaryen or a fucked up bolton. you're not a slave to canon you don't need to rage against it daenaera velaryon isn't re-

[irondad-defensesquad]

// TRIGGER WARNINGS - suicidal thoughts and suicide attempt (overdose).

this is really dark. i'm not in any danger right now btw, i just wanted to write this down. please take care, don't read this if the themes are triggering to you.

--

"hey, mr. stark. it's me again. how are you doing? how's the trip? you've been away for a couple of days now, haha..."

peter doesn't get any answer. he sighs.

"i guess my patrol hasn't been too bad. but school has been really stressing me out. sometimes i wish i could give up the decathlon too, but i already left band and a bunch of other things... i dunno, i don't think i can handle things the way i used to."

he stares at the night sky, listening to the whole city. it never sleeps and neither will peter.

"ned has been sick all week. it's nothing serious at least, but he needs to rest. and aunt may has been working so much, and i know that's my fault. i rarely see her now with all her night shifts. may still calls me and texts me, but it's not the same, y'know?" peter continues. "and i know you and happy have more important things to do, that's totally fine."

as peter says that, he starts tearing up.

"... i wish i could've told you to stay." he pauses. "that's really selfish of me, i know. you don't have to drop everything for my sake. i wouldn't want you to do that. i just..." he sniffs. "i miss you, mr. stark. i-i feel like i don't have anyone else right now."

he half uncovers his face so the tears don't make his mask gross.

"... you know when you come home and you don't feel anything? even after you had a good day or you didn't feel like shit all day? but then you get home and you see how empty it is... you wish you could disappear, somehow? because you don't want to go back outside, but you don't want to be home, either. there's nothing for you in either of them."

the emptiness is there, in peter's long silence. it's there with the lack of the other line. it's always there and it will be there no matter how busy peter may be, or how hard he may laugh with his best friend, or how happy he might be when he sees his mentor. because in the end, peter is not fulfilled. he will never be.

he can't stay home, he can't stay outside. where should he go?

...

"mr. stark..." peter gulps, despite the fact tony will likely not hear it. but he needs to say it before it's too late.

"... i love-"

you've reached the limit of voicemails.

even his phone is telling him to shut up.

peter inhales but he can't filter out his frustration. he growls and throws his phone to the ground. and it easily cracks in many pieces. oh great. how is he going to get a new phone now? how is aunt may ever going to pay for a new one?

he's sobbing violently in his empty room, his chest hurting and suffocating him. his cries echo in the lonely apartment.

he can't do this anymore.

he can't be alone anymore.

he's so tired.

peter has nowhere to go, like all the walls are closing around him, and he knows he'll get crushed and no one will save him, not even himself.

he needs to go. how? to where?

this pain is too much for him to handle.

peter wishes he could sleep. he hasn't slept well in days.

... he remembers tony left him some enhanced medication. not necessarily for sleeping, but they do leave peter sleepy. maybe if he takes enough, he won't even feel them and he can sleep for once.

peter just takes the pot of pills and he doesn't even know how many he grabs and puts in his mouth. he takes all of them in one huge sip of water. the effects don't happen in an instant, but peter can tell his mind is spinning and things are blurring.

he drops in his bed, knocking something over. it reminds him of when the effects of the spider bite hit him. he thought he was going to die then.

peter starts crying.

he's fading and fading...

and he couldn't even say goodbye to anyone. or "i'm sorry". or "i love you".

peter can only hold onto the blanket, the only thing he can hug right now.

what he would give to have a hug from tony now.

but tony is not coming, is he?

the black hole in peter is sucking everything in. all the light, all the hope, all the fear... there's nothing else left.

maybe this is for the best.

for everyone.

... he can vaguely tell his suit made a noise. he doesn't know what it is. and it doesn't matter anymore.

he's going to sleep.

he'll sleep now.

he'll...

...