#you know what. in spite of everything i didnt do at least um. uhhhhhhhh
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i really want to finish all my unfinished art before i turn 15 but im so burnt out rn 😭 </3
#i have two days#including this one#i wanna draw#but also i fucking hate drawing#but i love drawing but i HAT EIT AND ITS THE WORST AAAAAUUGGGHHHHHHHHH#mostly because i just wanna feel like less of a failure in some way#art for me is about 50% passion and 50% a crippling desire to prove that im not useless and an idiot#so because of the lack of stability there i always end up with a dozen unfinished art projects#when i cant live up to my own expectations i give up#i think this is me still clinging to my childhood in a way#i always wanted to be a child prodigy but i never had talent or skill in anything#so now that im rapidly getting further and further from childhood i feel a desperate need to prove that im not worthless#its like#my 15th birthday feels to me like how jonathan larson did about his 30th. is that fucked up to say ..#aaaaaaaaaaa :’) i want to finish all the art i promised but i genuinely just. cant#chase said something alright#sigh. i have ideas#im plagued with visions but i have none of the time#i want to draw patrick and pete#i want to draw the cast of community all smiling and stuff. because i love and adore all of them#id like to finish my vampire dallon art but im So Bad at shading without reference#i so desperately want to just share my art and feel okay but I CANT ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHH#IVE MADE SO MANY EMPTY PROMISES ABOUT FINISHING ART AND SHARING ART AND AND AND FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#someone tell me im not useless#<- dont do that im responsible for my own happiness#anyway UM. sorry if you opened this#you know what. in spite of everything i didnt do at least um. uhhhhhhhh#i won a 3ft tall shadow the hedgehog plushie at a carnival.
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