#you phcking beech

[throwaway-yandere]

it is i, 🕯️ anon, back again to flex on how bad i am at matchmaking wassup yo-- i haven't done any assignments rn if you see me online in genshin, no you don't (honestly i'm just afk and i'm writing an article rn while sobbing tf out--)

ANYWAYS, i got my candidates ready here- you probably won't know some of them but oh well it do be like that sometimes-

this matchup is a romantic(?) one i suppose (help i am not good at romantic set ups i just angst help), let's just keep it limited to genshin only. if it were only in genshin, its either.... damn.. cant think of anyone, so i'll just list down the top 3 i could think of.

1. in first place is Dainsleif, yes, i suppose i can spoil you with this one. the passion and the priniciples (and death flags) he has prob got you sobbing on the floor. he is the type of person who would think about debts too???

dain, handing you a lunchbox: you brought me lunch yesterday so i got some of this for you

you, sobbing: how much is that, that looks expensi--

dain: that's homemade and payment for yesterday, pls accept.

in emotional sense (a different way), i dont know how dain reacts to doubts and how he comforts people, does he only use words? use actions? does he inspire you to the point that those doubts are overwhelmed with motivation? no matter what it is, dain is not a heartless man, he will surely be patient with you. he is the type of person who loves you for who you are, no matter what your flaws are, such love so tender and genuine, he would be a gentle lover for sure.

2. the second one isnt a meme okay (yes it is), for some reason i could see you being compatible with gentle ones, and diluc sure fits that criteria, albeit inferior to dain in one rank.

he and dain are almost similar in actions (because i am not creative and my brain cells are spent on my assignments) but he would be a clumsy one. bet you'd be the first (and hopefully his last), he is quite careful not to ruin your relationship because he knows full well that one relationship that is built slowly thru some many years can be destroyed in just one day, and because of how he wants to perfect anything, he would be quite clumsy at that too. diluc is also a patient man (and a sly mfer fatui got no chance) and is quite understanding, hes the type who will surely spoil tf out of you by making something (because you will surely reject anything he buys with mora)

but of course, he has his own baggage to deal with, but its not like it affects your relationship so badly that both of you will feel like you're walking on thin ice. its just there. for angst purposes.

3. because i want chaos: haitham. no more context.

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You think its done? HAHA NO ITS NOT I HAVE FEW MORE--

Yeah like just few more dw??

let's start with someone i bet you'll have a hard time getting along with-- ("aint this a MATCH up??" YEAH and it didnt specify if it should be compatible--) my boi chung myung!

actually, this is a platonic matchup, mainly because i can never see him in a romantic relationship (despite looking like wei wuxian). he is very dedicated to his craft (to the point of self-destruction), very loyal to his sect and has principles he stick to (like a stubborn no thoughts brain empty). he's chaos himself-- even have the nickname mount hua's mad dog (lol) and mfer punches bitches left and right, so you have a 50/50 chance of either becoming his victim (wait thats a 100 percent chance-) or making him worse.

he sounds like the worse match ever because i cant bring him to justice. despite his sharp tongue and rough actions, he is actually the type who cares too much, the type who sacrifices too much (even himself) to prevent losing ANYTHING or ANYONE. he strives to conquer all because he once lost everything (mfer that quote of his made me sob like a baby), if he was your friend, he will be the type who will undoubtedly make you better (even thru uhh violent methods), a great pillar/support, he seems like the type who would try to reach the stars and you'll end up being inspired and influenced to do the same.

also he got grandpa agenda going on lmfao

Okay few more-- phew. Yknow what, lets just summarize it down to make it quick.

1. shen qingqiu! (platonic matchup) he def needs your help, you'll be his "how to survive being tracked down by a yandere", dramatic af, if you two are friends he would be your beta reader and he is not afraid to say the truth-

sadly he is dense as fuck. goodluck. god bless.

2. lloyd fronterra (platonic matchup). if you both are besties then its gonna be the end of the world. enjoy your money making shenanigans. he would def support you plagiarising harry potter in another world. besties? or worsties?

3. baek chun (platonic matchup) idk lol because you need a leash to calm the mad dog down, he is the leash (unfortunately for him), also enemies to besties frfr, punch him in the face frfr, honestly i dont know what im saying anymore??? he is a very nice friend (post-humbled era) (i have more to say about this guy, just say he is 50-80 percent kin of yours, idk how?? its just a feeling-)

4. her <333 because you deserve the best <33

i have so much more but my brain isnt really braining rn oh well guess i'll perish.

also here

not a matchup lmao just him staring at you

(ask referring to this post)

I...

"let's keep it limited in genshin" top ten best lies phitre had ever spoken–

This is a phcking ride to read my bestie. 6 years of friendship with this woman @a-dose-of-phitre. Half a decade + one extra year. Four more years and I'm jumping in a casket while this guy puts wheels on it and let my rotting corpse wander the earth.

Also love how you start with a worstie before the platonic matchups lmfao

Don't know him but based on how you described him I'd definitely be besties with Shen Qingqiu if his hobby is getting tf away from a yandere lmao... And i also need a beta reader. It's a good deal.

Are you sure Lloyd and your besties and we're just mutual friends

"50-80 kin"– alright mfers we finally found a guy ansy can relate to. Hello Baek Chun–

(btw the last sentence made me snort so much mfer. I phcking thought you'd let me be platonic friends with Ayato you lil sht.)

Y'all cant make me soft for dain and then suddenly go "yeah you're not THAT compatible" hdjxjwHEJSJAHAHAHAHWH YOU BEECH–

Dainsleif is such a gentle lover but alas he is not The One ™️😔 even I know that. But I take solace that there's a possibility we'd be besties and that's it lmao

ANSWER ME, PHITRE GIVE ME THE TRUTH–

Edit: yOU BEECH

I DIDN'T REALIZE THE DAIN PIC WAS HIM GETTING KILLED BY MY OC WITH THE PHCKING BROOM AGAIN 💀💀💀💀–