#you will never again have that naivety that Porsche is showing

[hael987]

Ep 10 KimChay: A Dark vs Light continuation

Most of the thoughts in this post are going to stem from my Dark vs Light post.

The first KimChay shot: A blend of lighter and darker clothing, colder and warmer light. Perfect combination, the coming together of two worlds.

The exchange of tones [Kim in the lighter-toned, Chay in the darker-toned] could symbolise they’ve opened up to one another but it could also be another meaning. Chay being in darker clothes matches Kim’s worries that he could drag him into a darker world/bring darkness to his bright life.

He looks at his hand that just pet Chay’s head questioning whether he’s allowed to do that, should he be doing that, can he exist in this lighter world. Is he allowed this brightness (happiness, joy, someone who genuinely loves him)? What if he taints it because he didn’t start out from pure thoughts? I think these worries are why he held back from saying "I love you too". He might be falling in love, but he's not there completely as he's still got things to figure out.

White shirt, warm lighting. A completely unseen shot of Kim, he's never had this combination before. It’s unfamiliar. Completely enveloped in this brighter, foreign world he’s forced to confront what he’s done wrong. He couldn’t say I love you back to Chay because it wouldn’t be pure, like the things he thinks belong in Chay’s world/ the pure things that exist in Chay’s world. Now that maybe he’s started to fall in love with Chay he realises he feels out of place, he realises the darkness that he could bring into Chay’s life and that’s actually a problem now (that wasn’t before) because he’s started to genuinely care for him. He probably intended to run away temporarily to figure things out alone again.

Fighting in white. The fight comes from the darker world [shadow] whilst he's currently in the light world [light clothing] and he ultimately fails to protect Chay while in the lighter world. He can't protect Chay in the light.

The realisation sets in that Chay is missing. A shadowed, dimmer world without Chay. I said Kim kissed Chay last episode because he didn't want to lose him from his life. But now his source of light has gone. Chay has been taken from his life forcefully so he willingly takes a step further into the dark world by calling Kinn if it means he gets him back by his side.

All black. He couldn't protect Chay while in the lighter world [light clothing] so he completely embraces the darkness, fully embodying his mafia self [darker clothing] to protect Chay.

It’s not that he didn’t love Chay in the earlier scene, it’s that he couldn’t bring himself to say it, he doesn’t know if he deserves it and he was still figuring things out. I think Chay being kidnapped forced him to realise some things though. His actions here speak louder than words (typical Theerapanyakul style). He willingly re-entered the darker world that he was trying to avoid just for Chay.

Both in dark clothing, together in the dark world.

I'm unsure of what I think of this one so I'll just say all of my thoughts:

This could show that Kim's ready to accept things and exist with Chay in any world regardless but it could signify many things.

Maybe it's showing Chay's realisation that life is not as bright and full of joy [light and warmth] as he thought, the shattering of his naivety/pure love and mind now that he's forced to confront some truths held in the darkness.

It could also signify troubles to come. The reality that maybe Kim can’t escape the life into Chay’s light world. He might end up bringing Chay into the darkness instead (and consequently into danger). This time it’s Porsche but it could easily have been himself.

We might be seeing the beginnings of an "if you love him let him go" process that may develop in the future, where Kim lets Chay go in order to preserve his brightness and purity/send him back into the brightness and safety.

[ghcstvalleychief]

In regards to your Kim ask, I think it's also a good point to bring up that Kim is not your average 22 year old. He's gone through trauma like the rest of his older brothers so I think that he is introspective, but obviously with his own naivety that comes with the age. As you mentioned, he didn't realize he would affect Chay this much.

Unfortunately, trauma allows people to grow up faster and realize things than the average person, so I do think he is aware of his own danger and the way he can be used as a weapon by Korn. Book readers have said that Korn believes Kim would be a better leader than Kinn mostly because he doesn't get sidetracked by stuff and love and all that unlike Kinn. And they've also mentioned that he's pitting them both against each other by making Kim the head of a secretive investigation branch or something...

I also do think that he is introspective in some areas, but let's also remember that he grew up in the mafia with a manipulative father who sees his sons as pawns. I can't imagine that his emotional intelligence to connect with others, specifically, is that great, but when you spend that amount of time isolating yourself and being alone with your thoughts and trauma, I think you would know yourself a great deal. I also think that when you spend that much time in isolation, you tend to only think of yourself and think selfishly even when it isn't your intention.

All the Theerapanyakul brothers and cousins have very low emotional intelligence due to their environment and the way they were conditioned, that much is extremely obvious, but I don't think Kim doesn't know himself or his limits. I just think his social interactions and connections may not be the best, so he does things that are selfish and hurtful.

Maybe you are right that he may not know himself on an introspective level, but I think he may know himself objectively and what he is capable of and what that means for him as the son and heir of a very powerful man and legacy. I think on an objective level he understands what he's capable of and maybe he has the typical younger child mentality of wanting to be free of what your parents want from you, if your opinion is correct.

Trauma has the ability to shape someone to lack introspection (like Vegas, in my opinion. Maybe even Tankhun who uses escapism and distraction to cope with trauma) or be the complete opposite (I'd like to think Kim and Kinn fit in this section with Kinn being less introspective than Kim. Again, having introspection doesn't prevent you from being naive or stupid about other things).

Trauma does make you grow up a lot quicker than most people your age. On the flip side, trauma can also leave you suspended in that place where you actually never grow and develop past the age in which the trauma took place. It's mainly what I was talking about when I talked about Porsche's arrested development in the past. For some people, it's possible that the development will be accelerated. For others, it may not and it may go in the opposite direction. Essentially, that would depend on the person and how they process their trauma. There's no surefire way to determine which category someone will fall under until the trauma unfortunately happens.

The thing about being alone is that you do have more opportunities to learn about yourself but you don't know how to deal with other people. Unfortunately, that's something you need to learn. You cannot avoid dealing with other people. You can't. No man is an island. Even introverted people still need some sort of human contact. That's Kim's problem. He's been alone this whole time that he doesn't know how to deal with people who don't work for him and his family on a personal level.

Show Kim may not be that much different than Novel Kim but Show Kim absolutely got sidetracked by love. His whole thing with Chay was him getting sidetracked. I've heard the same things you've heard in regards to the book but Show Kim spent a lot of unnecessary time with Chay. Unnecessary in the sense that he was on a mission and most of his time with Chay wasn't beneficial to his main goal. Show Kim is falling asleep with Chay on the couch watching TV shows and movies. I don't know if Novel Kim did that, but Show Kim is easily distracted. That could have been due to his age and lack of lived experiences because it tells me that he's not as focused as people like to believe.

Kim is an interesting character because I can never figure him out, and I don't like to rely on the novel version of him because they've changed so much of that already. This is the most I've thought about him, and I'm sure I could be wrong about a lot of this because he's such a question mark for me. Your take is actually pretty good though!

[angel-a5]

You can tell Porsche has never been in a relationship because he loves like he's never been hurt before.

[tobeornottotc]

Kinn as a rock

Seen many variations of meta, considering the Rock Paper Scissors game. There’s the focus of what the game entails, the fact that it’s meant to be immature, manipulative but also tactical, the choice showing that the two of them are being childish and completely innocent in how they are determining matters. Their infantile behavior obviously is showcased and explained later through the episode as we listen to their conversations, as a part of them that appears when they’re together because they feel safe and free with each other, it’s a reminder that their stupidity and childishness stems from the lack of freedom, happiness, and innocence in their lives when they were younger due to the weight of responsibility thrust upon them. This is important because the roles they have to play for family, and the world, is one of wisdom, power, and maturity, they have to be the ones in charge, protecting and keeping the ones they love safe, it is filled with so much pressure for them, since as children (for both), due to traumatic circumstances, their presence/role became vital for the survival of their loved ones.

The next focus is the results of the game. The game starts of as first as bodyguard rule used to make difficult decisions, and gain power over one another in times of desperation, however the audience while first introduced to it as a game, evolves as the episode carries on, and it is revealed at the end, that this will be an emotional moment of sacrifice and love. Of vulnerability and trust. The game stops being seen as childish and a filler for the episode but actually something that carries depth and meaning, causing pain for us witnessing. The game becomes filled with higher stakes; Porsche believes they have to use it to decide who sacrifices a part of themselves. And at the end of the game, he chooses himself and exposes that version of himself, to Kinn. For two people who have to and want to survive desperately and stay away from harm, this game stakes results in happily letting your self be hurt and sacrificing your self for someone. Porsche decides to do so.

The next focus is also the actions of the game. How it’s played by the two of them. Kinn consistently never changes his hand, he always chooses rock. This showcases naivety and stubbornness but later becomes a way for him to test and see the man next to him. Porsche on the other hand focuses on changing and adapting his hand in the game to win, he tries all tactics until the next end of the game where he purposely chooses to lose, and mindfully forfeits the game. This is what I actually want to focus on. The actions of Kinn, and what it means. To repeatedly continue to choose the symbol of rock in this game.

We have different meanings associated to the motif or imagery of a rock in media. I’ll show you how this relates from each definition to Kinn’s plight and character arc.

The literal meaning of a rock: Seen as a hard surface, mass of stone that is used for purpose. A rock is normally given the meaning associated with strength, steadiness, stability, and durability. It is strong, massive, and purposeful in its function and ability. This is how Kinn is viewed as by his family, his role essentially is him having to wear a mask of strength, steadiness, stiffness to ensure the stability and durability of his family power. He has to be steady; he has to be sharp and seen as dangerous, and unbreakable and impossible to defeat. The rock in the game is one of aggression, and that’s how Kinn is meant to be seen; soaked in the blood of his enemies, walking above fear and having all submit to him and his power. This is what he’s meant to be seen as.

Next you have the actual metaphorical meaning of a rock. Saying someone is a rock to you is saying they’re someone you can rely on. This is again what Kinn represents, he’s his family’s symbol of resilience through it all, the one that has to survive and get back but also the one Thankhun’s and Kim’s freedom relies on. The family needs his safety and his presence and his role to be protected and secure. And that’s a weight (as a heavy as rock), put on him and makes it intensely difficult for him to even see a place where weakness would be allowed. But it’s also ironically what Kinn is to Porsche during the times of his moral quandary as a bodyguard in episode 3, Porsche sees his resilience, and bravery and strength and relies on that, he feels his protection and care and seeks that. Kinn’s presence to others is one of reliance, and protection and strength. The bodyguards rely on his presence for their life to feel like it has purpose and meaning, Pete idolizes his role and praises his kindness and treatment to them. Everyone sees him as a positive source of protection and defense. But how does he see himself?

The role of a rock: Normally rocks can have many functions, to build cliffs, and to be broken down and shaped for beauty (gems and stones), weapons, other things. But in this episode, it’s ironic that they’re stuck in a mine, where rocks are in an abundance, but in that moment when they play the game one last time, the rocks in front of them are actually obstacles. Rocks can also be blockages, and sources of frustrations, they can be harmful if thrown or used that way, they can be obstacles to freedom and movement. And this instead is how Kinn views himself. He thinks his presence, his love taints people, stops them from evolution and growth, stops their freedom and their movement. Once Porsche makes the choice to sacrifice his hand for him, and Kinn finally wants to love him, he realizes he can’t because being a rock to others to him isn’t a positive thing but a literal thing, a heavy weight, stiff, hurtful, and cumbersome. Something that obstructs and destroys. So instead, he has to let Porsche leave and go to avoid that. It’s so sad because he stands up after uncuffing himself from their chains and starts to pick up rocks to get to freedom outside of the mine. But he feels like he's those rocks causing the obstruction. It’s because of his choice to keep quiet about the fact that they could be unchained that Porsche shows resentment and annoyance, that makes Porsche stay stuck with him. If Porsche stays by his side, his dreams are obstructed, and ruined, his role is prevented since his life is put to danger because of being Kinn’s person.

Next, we have his choice in the game of always being rock. The way that Kinn stays repeating the same hand even though it could lead to him being one upped is interesting, he chooses the most aggressive stance, but never changes. This calls back to him being unable to change his stance and his role in his family, but it also calls back to being stagnant and stuck. Again, if he sees himself as an obstacle/obstruction he sees himself as trapped as that. And this calls to his stubbornness, his lack of vulnerability but also his state in his trauma from the past regarding love and trust. By repeating and staying stuck with the same option foreshadows that Kinn is in a cycle of hurt and trauma from the past that he can’t get rid of or change. He doesn’t change or evolve he’s just stuck, caged and unable to move to his freedom because of the environment and pain he’s received. Because of the weight and risk, it poses for him to do so. So, he intentionally stays stuck, unmoving, stiff, and obstructed because of this trauma. But in order to get Porsche out of the mine he had to move away the rocks, he had to actually clear a path; that’s telling. Kinn has made choices to ensure his heart is durable and unmovable like a rock, steady and refusing to break or waver, and that’s a choice he’s made due to his past. It’s what we see him struggle with in episode 5, he regresses back to being harsh and stiff to Porsche refusing out of protection, to be moved by him. Until Porsche leaves him, and he succumbs and runs to him at the end, but that led to him getting kidnapped and targeted.

The choice to play rock in the game is viewed as one of naiveness and childishness, refusing to change hands is seen as stupid but choosing rock normally from psychological analysis means that the person thinks they are losing and uses it when they need defense and a move to prevent losing. It’s a desperate choice, one of aggression, one that protects them somewhat in their head, one that seems powerful and strong, but it can be overcome by the subtle play of paper. That’s why it’s interesting Kinn stays with this choice, every time he plays in the game he feels like he’s losing and is playing rock as a way to defend and prevent that. It’s not tactical but impulsive, and that’s interesting to note.

Either way the game of RPS, in this show is filled with lots of meaning. The whole episode is filled with different symbols, and objects representing sides and truths of the characters at that moment. People may see Kinn as a rock positively but what he sees in himself is the opposite, it’s a warning to others, it’s why he’s so hesitant to let someone else in, not because of fear of being hurt by being a rock he’s protected from that, but for fear of the one he loves being hurt by being in his presence, by loving him instead.

Sigh. Kinn hurts me man 😭