#you're FINE dw about it.. replying to things on time is hard

[pixie-felix]

So...poly now ey??

Ngl, I need more about how han's dick almost got destroyed 🤧 I prolly feel like he was into it tho?? Like "just to make you feel good bby"

We need to see what happens when Chan gets back to the dorm thoooo, mating press definitely looks like his style tho too

gasp! reverse cowgirl boys - lino and maybe i.n??? They def wanna see it jiggle 😔 ooh! Changbin finna put you in the air and do it (he's got the muscle dw) hyunjin def needs to see your pretty face when he's fucking you in front of the mirror...

Ps. I think it's nice of you to do drabbles when the ideas come rather than stressing over full length fics. Anything goes!

- 🥞

For anyone reading this who is not 🥞anon, we're talking about this drabble.

Thank you for such a lovely message, 🥞 anon 🥰 sorry it's taken me over a month to reply. So, I thought I should try and write a good one at least...

Much like how I am OT8 (shut up Chan), I am a firm advocate of poly!skz. Especially when I'm ovulating.

I think Channie may have actually trademarked the mating press 💁‍♀️ as soon as I'd written that for Seungmin, my brain immediately went: but that's Chan's position.

And then I left it in anyway, because I figured that's exactly the sort of shit Seungmin would pull- using Chan's favourite move when the old man has to go on the condom run. He's such a little shit, I love him.

I think he was also proving a point of some kind- he's usually a lot more private when it comes to sex -even when you're ovulating and feral for it- so why he decided to take you in Chan's favourite position, right in front of his salad, is an unexplained mystery. I bet the reason is petty though.

As for what happened to that time y/n nearly broke Hannie's dick... Let's just say there was some very enthusiastic bouncing happening. Y/n did offer to kiss it better, but somehow Han ended up being the one on his knees. His dick might be bruised, but his tongue still works just fine.

Oh, and you're right- Han was into it. A little pain is good for you. If you haven't read mine-and-lollipop anon's ballbusting Han posts, they can be found here and here. Excellent reading.

Minho does not spend all that time butthunting not to look at your ass while he's fucking you. So yeah, reverse cowgirl is a favourite for sure. I don't think he's into doggy so much as he's a cat, not a dog, and also it can be quite hard on the knees. He needs those for dancing, and there are other positions he can dick you down in.

I.N definitely enjoys all versions of cowgirl- ass, tits, tummy- as long as he can see something bouncing he's a happy boy. I like to think about the times he goes feral and territorial though, when he's sick of being teased by the hyungs and decides to channel that frustration into fucking you dumb. Oh, and marking you up so that all the others have to look at his marks on your skin when they're touching you.

Changbin is such a soft boy. I read somewhere that he got so buff because he's allergic to a lot of things, and scared of more things like that, so he made himself big and strong because of that. Thank fuck for those allergies, because yeah, those muscles definitely come in handy in the bedroom. And the shower. And the living room. And everywhere else.

Hyunjin was made for mirror sex. In any position. As long as he can see your face, how he's making you feel, he's a happy boy. Definitely the type to have a mirror on the ceiling as well. I think he's really into missionary too- the intimacy of all that body contact, the eye contact. The way he can kiss you and hold your hands? Yeah. Mirrors and missionary. #justhyunjinthings

And Felix? Felix is the one who cockwarms you while you sleep. I guess you're technically cockwarming him, but meh whatever you understand what I mean. Ovulation sex with Felix is practically aftercare in itself. He's the one gently fucking you when you're too sore to take a proper pounding but still needy and desperate, the one who fucks you to sleep when you can't bear to be empty.

[angeletteofmusic]

Rules

I am on mobile, so my tags are very minimal.

Do not reblog threads you are not apart of.

I'm lenient about this, but do not reblog art or memes from here, as it clogs up my feed.

Obviously: this is an oc blog. I am oc friendly. However, if you don't have a rules or about for your blog, I'm probably not going to interact.

Angelette is not a self insert, nor is she 'a little bit of everyone for funsies!! :))' She is her own unique character, that has reasons behind her design, reasons for her actions, there's a reason she does acrobatics, but her deep lore is something to be unlocked and discovered. I have thought things out, do not assume she is a thoughtless character I rushed to get in on the hype of the show. There is something of a story to be told here.

Don't always try to fix a conflict immediately? Especially if this is a common theme of the blog. My characters have flaws, sometimes they have physical issues. It wouldn't be fun or interesting if I took that away from them. I like tension sometimes, so don't take away a threat or conflict within the first three replies if you can help it!

You never know what you're going to get with me. You may get a multipara starter/reply, you may get a few sentences. I don't expect you to match my length, especially if I've written a behemoth of a starter... but I do ask that you try to match my effort. If I'm writing a huge reply and you respond with something that doesn't match the setting or context, (and do this consistently,) I'm more than likely doing to drop threads, and if this keeps happening, I'll just soft block you. Yes I do this for fun, but I put abouts and rules and everything you need to know for a reason, and if you can't be bothered to put in the effort to read it, or properly read my responses, then don't even bother.

I am a mobile user. Maybe once in a while, I'll pop onto my laptop to fine tune posts like this, but it's hard, if not impossible for me to use the site to its full extent. As such, icons will not be used, tags will be scarce, and trimming posts will not be done the way I like.

Trimming posts are a strange area. I have adhd and autism, so the best way for a thread to be trimmed is with the last response still attached. This way I can remember what's going on in the thread, which will lead to an overall better rp experience. If posts don't get trimmed, I'll just have to make the reply and hit that big red X button that deletes everything before my response, so take that as a warning.

I am a shipping whore: but I ship chemistry, not aesthetics. Angelette is 24, and she is a lesbian. (This wasn't put into her bio bc I don't think it's a huge part of her character.) I am okay shipping with NPCs, but know in advance that there will be conflict and angst that comes with it. (Then again, I'm also a slut for angst, but I mean angst pertaining towards the relationship.)

RESPECT MY FUCKING BOUNDARIES. If I say no, it does not mean "convince me," it means no. I have a three strikes your out policy.

I have a full-time job as a daycare teacher. I am not always online. Do not pester me for replies.

I like to talk in the DMs!! Please don't think that this is a passive aggressive attempt to get you to reply, as eager as I get, this is a hobby, and I will not rush you intentionally!! Please tell me politely if I make you feel rushed or don't want to talk via dms. (I personally just think that writing is more fun when you know your partners.) That being said, I do not want you feeling like you are responsible for my personal feelings, and vice versa. You are allowed to say no, I am allowed to say no. If you try and guilt trip me, that will count against your three strikes. (And I will warn you dw.)

In addition to this, if you do NOT like communicating via dms, please tell me, and I will stop. If you just ignore me or ghost me, I'm either going to continue to try and reach out, thinking you forgot or didn't get notified, or I'll become intimidated, and think I did something wrong. We're all adults here, we can use our words. You don't have to follow me if you don't want to interact.

I use the source material, I don't operate under theories. Exceptions may pop up if one of my partners DOES write their muse or muses under such pretenses, but the bog standard for this blog is that Caine is an AI, Bubble is an NPC, and the main cast are all humans.

I have a childhood fear of dolls, very specifically Raggedy Anne dolls. This does not mean I hate Ragatha or think she's a bad character, nor does this mean I don't want to interact with her. However, I do ask that Ragatha icons are not used in our threads, ESPECIALLY if they're gifs. Her mouth movements make me uncomfortable, and that's about it, however I may not always be in the best mental space for it, so this is more of a safety net boundary.

If you want to let me know you've read these, go ahead and like it, but it's not required, I use an honor system anyway.

[sungbeam]

Okay i'm sorry this took me so long to get back to- but omg- incantations was so good!!! I love that every dino bias is just !!! over this too! (would have bawled my eyes out worse if it was jun tbh but god you captured dino so well 😭😭))- God I love reading your fics- it's like a little treat after hardwork!! That murder line is just still 🫠🤭 it's so good- I loveddddd the catalyst chapter sm!! And I loved how each thing was slowly solved- sure there are things that are more up in the air- but it was like connecting puzzle pieces and I loved it sm!!! And god you made such a good balance between info & immersion- I think platonic friendships are vv undervalued and underutilized- a good friend group could bring sm more value!! I love that you included it here too!! A sequel would be everything! But that is totally up to you!! You don't have to- but like god that would be cool to read about- ohhhh indigo was so cool! I loved that Juyo is just so oblivious 🤭🥺 he prolly would take forever to catch on- and it's so cute to think about- this fic made me crave matcha btw- need to get me some soon... bhebhea- I'm so glad you have a thought-out character of Indigo!! That's so good! Dino is a tragedy 😭💔💔 I guess it could be a little rushed- but it felt fine!! I may have wished for more but I did realize you were under time constraint! And I was happy with it!! Even if I bawled to it 😭🫶 I feel like it may break dino's sister sm- bc her bro did everything he could for her- and yet he's gone now 😭💔 oh gosh- You writing is always so compelling!! It's so good! Aw heck yeah!!! Aunt jenna!!! I like her as a mentor figure sm! And I love their little family sm!! You're so good at character building and developing!! You continuing to improve them just leaves me more and more speechless 🫠😭🫶

HOW DID HE DO THIS TO US- 😭😭😭 WE ARE JUMPING OFF THE DEEP END- (I fear... we may be too far gone... as long as we don't purchase it- we'll be okay!!) Heheh it was so fun to read, reblog, and talk about this fic!! cause my username here is from an icecream place? maybe an icecream cone or a snowman? up to you honestly- I'm fine with wtv 🙂‍↕️ (is there anyone in particular you'd like? 👀)

KATE HIHI!! and dw abt it, def take ur time replying and stuff! omggg ur jun biased?? i've been so ksbfkdjfj over him lately cuz of the pics from his new drama UGH 😩 like WHAT is in the svt air lately (there's always something in the air) but tbh jun would make an interesting villain bahahha ... things to think abt ^^

im so glad u enjoy my fics and think of them as a little treat for urself!! :')) i hope they always feel as indulgent to u as they make me feel 😌 for sure, im glad u liked how things slowly came to light and u also don't mind that some things r still left untied for the time being 😅 i have answers to everything tho, trust!! but what matters is that it feels cohesive and immersive as you've said!!

i feel that i lately have been more interested in platonic relationships than romantic ones but it's always so hard to find those kinds of aus on tumblr 💔 OMG PLS UR ACTUALLY RIGHT THO WITH JUYO 😭 i feel so bad for low-key always making him himbro-coded/baby boy-esque but that's just how he vibes in my head 😭 heart of gold,, but sometimes misses the plot skfnkenfkfnf which is why his witch gf adores him 😆 speaking of indigo tho, i kind of based her off an irl friend of mine who biases juyo and it made it easier to make her character in my head skcnkrnf idk if people ever find it weird if authors/writers base their characters off real life people 💀 she'll never know tho heh

omg ur so right as long as we don't buy a chucky doll we'll be in the safe zone 😭😭 the bar is LOW.....

and ooh!! i shall grant thee 🍨!! the snowmen emojis were also super cute but i thought the pink of this one matched your blog a little better :')) (at least it's pink on my samsung 💀) as for me, i don't really have a preference for emojis, just wtv u vibe w best!! <3

[alisblackgf]

Hey! I saw you were taking requests so I was wondering if you could do a Chishiya x Reader where they both make it out of the Borderlands but Reader is the only one who remembers everything? That would be awesome if you could

ooh angst! i love it i love it (dw i gave it a bittersweet ending, no permanent heartbreak here!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

pairing(s): chishiya shuntaro x gn!reader

trigger warnings: mentions of injuries

summary: you make it out of the borderlands only to find yourself in a hospital, and you're the only one who remembers anything about what had happened.

taglist: @grievedeeply @brxght-world

(i made an aib taglist just in case you want to be notified of my most recent works!)

(to apply, click here!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you sat against a random car next to an injured chishiya, who had been shot twice. the first time being when niragi proposed a shootout, the second time being when he took a bullet for usagi. 

after all of the time you spent in the borderlands getting to know and love him, you knew it was very uncharacteristic. that was the point of it, though. he wanted to do something uncharacteristic. it was really sudden, maybe the last game he played inspired him.

after all of the time he spent in the borderlands getting to know and love you, he knew you’d try and scavenge for things to help his wounds. however, he insisted you didn’t and asked you to stay by his side.

so you did just that. the both of you silently watched the sky as the multicolored fireworks went off. a feminine voice speaks, telling all survivors to decide if they would like to be permanent residents in the land.

“what do you think, chishiya?” you asked him.

“i don’t want it, i think. what about you?” he turned his head to face you, but you were still facing the sky.

“i’ll do whatever you’d like. we’re in this together,” you answered gently. you rested your head on his.

“and what will you do?” chishiya asked, seemingly to no one as it took a while for someone to speak.

“i don’t want it,” niragi stated. you hummed a bit at his response.

“are you guys truly ready to return to the real world?” you asked.

“i guess we’ll find out,” your boyfriend replied. you reached for his free hand and held it tight, waiting in anticipation to go back to the place you called home.

~~~

you woke up in a bright room with white lights, and it hurt your eyes. you blinked hard in an attempt to quickly adjust to the sudden shift of lighting. 

“you’re awake.”

you turned your head in the direction of the soft voice. it was a doctor.

“am i...in a hospital?” you asked weakly.

“yes, dear. i was just checking your status. clearly, you’re alive and conscious. do you need anything?”

“no, i think i’m okay.”

“do you remember anything?” the doctor asked.

before you could process the question, all your memories of what had happened came flooding back. it made your head ache.

“yeah..i do. i..i remember seeing these big fireworks and then the explosion.”

“those weren’t fireworks, dear. it was a meteorite.”

you hummed.

“i also remember...being in the borderlands.”

“the what?”

“you weren’t there?”

the doctor shook her head in response.

“huh. how long was i out for?” you questioned

“well, your heart stopped for an entire minute.”

“a minute? the borderlands didn’t last for a minute..” you whispered.

then you remembered him. your boyfriend, chishiya.

“chishiya! chishiya shuntaro! where is he?”

“he was issued into the hospital around the same time as you. why do you ask?”

“is he okay? can i see him?”

“well, i did see him on his way to the vending machines, but i’m not sure if you should-”

“i’m fine, look!” you eagerly got out of your hospital bed and walked around your room. you limped a little which didn’t go unnoticed by your doctor.

“you’re limping, i’ll get you a cane and then you can-”

“please, i need to see him now.”

your doctor sighed and let you wander off to find your lover.

~~~

after asking multiple people for directions, you finally made it to the vending machines. and there he was. he had his back facing you as he was getting water.

he looked much better than he did when you last saw him. he was able to walk and move. you were so happy to see him alive and well.

“excuse me? chishiya shuntaro?” 

upon hearing his name, he turned around to face you. you walked a little bit closer to him with your limp evident. while you closed a little bit of space between you two, he assessed you. you looked so familiar, but he couldn’t put his finger on why.

“you look familiar. do i know you?” he asked.

and just like that, your heart shattered.

“you..don’t know who i am?”

he could sense the hurt in your voice, which made his heart twinge. he didn’t understand why seeing you upset made him upset if he didn’t even know you. but you knew him, and you knew his name. maybe you could explain where you two met. this thought intrigued him, so he made the ultimate choice to get to know you.

“no. but maybe if we talk more i’ll remember.” he looked outside and raised his eyebrow slightly. “it looks nice outside, would you like to take a walk together?”

your hurt expression was replaced by a slightly happier one.

“sure. that’d be nice.”

he noticed your limp earlier on, and allowed you to use him for support as you guys made your way outside.

halfway out the door, you thought about how if chishiya didn’t remember you, then he probably didn’t remember the borderlands either. which means he doesn’t remember the trauma and suffering he was put through. if that was the case, then you didn’t mind getting to know him all over again.

maybe this fresh start was a blessing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

sighsigh i haven’t written anything in a while so excuse this mess pls i will get better i swear

[loupettes]

Hi! Here I am again, since I loved your insights on Doomsday. ;-)

So, let's continue talking about Ten's behaviour, this time in Rise of the Cybermen/Age of Steel.

In my opinion, Ten is rather distant and almost assholey towards Rose in this two-parter, especially when compared to Nine's incredible tenderness in Father's Day (and this despite the whole end-of-the-world + mutual-insults situation!). I totally understand what he says to her (that Parallel Pete is not her father, that her father died when she was 6 months old...) but... would it hurt you to also take her hand, hug her, say something about how you are sorry for what she must be feeling? So, I wonder[ed] why Ten behaves like this.

In this case, I had tried to answer myself by considering two hypotheses:

- "GitF is canon/it fits into S2" --> then I would sort of explain Ten's behaviour with keeping in line with his distancing from Rose and pushing her back towards Mickey after School Reunion and GitF;

- "GitF was originally planned as an episode at the beginning of S1, therefore is not to be considered canon" --> Yeah, Ten still is worried about his relationship with Rose, as of School Reunion, but then... is Mickey being aboard (and once again close to Rose) enough to justify Ten's distance?

What do you think?

TIA!

Hey! Firstly, I am so so sorry this has taken me nearly two weeks to reply to - life got in the way, deadlines and ridiculously unjust work demands, and then I lost all my DW files and have slowly had to re-download them 😂 but I'm here now! And I’m glad to see you in my inbox - hello lovely! Ah, yes. Rise of the Cyberman. Post-GITF Ten. I can’t believe I’m about to agree with your hypothesis that GITF is canon but... here we are! And you're right, ten is an absolute arsehole to Rose in this episode, just as he is in GITF, and just as he is in SR. Honesty, its a wonder why we ship them??

Stuck with you, that's not so bad. If I believe in one thing, just one thing, I believe in her. How long are you going to stay with me? Forever. I made my choice a long time ago and I'm never going to leave you. Rose Tyler, defender of the Earth! Does it need saying? Rose, her name was, Rose, and we were together. Tonight's a night for lost things being found. Who's gonna hold his hand now?

ah right yes, that's why 😭 ANYWAY I digress. Ten's behaviour in ROTC is very... Ten. And his reaction, compared to Nine's, when Rose meets her dad is very different. But... understandable. Not condoning Ten's behaviour!! But, for a moment let's forget GITF exists (I mean, if you've not already): Nine almost lost her to her dad. She's the one man she was happy to be stuck with ('stuck with you that's not so bad' FEELINGS 😭), and Nine initially shrugs it off. 'Fine, see if I care' sort of attitude (which, we all know he does, he's just frustrated that he's let himself fall for a girl he shouldn't really have). Ten adopts the complete opposite: he panics. He's desperate to keep her with him now, regardless of what's gone on in the last few episodes. But see, the previous episodes did happen. This line is such a throw away line that we don't really notice it all that much, but he's addressing what happened between him and Reinette here:

He's saying this, because he's damn sure she's never trusted him less at that moment. He broke her trust by leaving, and it might look a lot like neither of them spoke about what happened, but he knows, and Ten's dumb enough that he doesn't just know when he messed up, he's told.

And so he's keeping hold of her at the beginning, too — body angled towards hers and his arm lazily reaching behind her to physically keep her close to him because he almost lost her.

Ten is incredibly selfish, and it's unbearable at the start of series 2. Nine regnerated into Ten literally for Rose, because he loved her and the last act of the Time War was a sacrifice for love. She came back for him, she absorbed the time vortex for him, so, as much as he finds it hard to believe, he knows somewhere that she loves him. He acts instinctively, he's so in love with her and she's about to die. Ten's born out of this unbearable love Nine held for her in this moment, to the point where Ten literally only exists to love Rose. He's so sure of his love for her, that he takes it for granted. Rose took the time vortex for him, and that's it then. She's in love with him, he's in love with her, so just go for it. But then comes actually... going for it, and he realises he can't. He's going to lose her, and he needs to bring them both back to reality because this is real. It's like when you fancy someone and you know, realistically, you can't have a future with them for whatever reason - different religion, one wants children while the other doesn't. You still go for it, because it gets to a certain point where you have to act on your feelings, but one day you will have to face those conflicts and you will always have to end things. Ten puts a stop to them, and the only way he can put a stop to them for her is by slapping her in the face with reality. Again, Ten's an arsehole. But then he slaps her in the face with reality so hard that he nearly loses her. He doesn't want that, but he can't exactly... declare his love for her after what he did.

"Rose, I know I've made you feel awful for being human and for leaving me behind by dying, and I know I did exactly that to you the very next day, but I love you and I don't want you to leave me behind."

Rose would rightfully bollock him. So he tries his best to rationalise, making this less about him telling her what to do and what he wants, and more about reminding her why she's living in a fairytale world where her dad never died and he's still alive. That is her dream come true, but, just as its impossible that they could have their happily ever after, it's impossible that her dad's still alive.

And you can see Mickey in the background getting pissed off, wincing at how bloody harsh he's being... but, he's right. He could have snapped at Ten for being an arse, telling him to go easy on her, but he doesn't, because somebody had to say it.

On Mickey, he's not convinced in any way that somethings going to happen to Rose to change her mind. He knows she's going to be alright, but the Doctor doesn't. He's panicking massively, and the fact that he's still being aggressive even here, without Rose, just goes to show how furious he is with himself for giving her a reason to leave him.

Imagine him, in the TARDIS and before Mickey arrives, cursing himself for what he did. Rightly so, because he was a dick, and this is almost satisfying to watch. But we don't get to see it explicitly, we only get the idea that, behind closed doors, he knows he fucked up big. He even admits that he's worrying about what's going to happen.

So bloody satisfying.

But then there's the other thing: she never existed in this world. Look at how he drops his facade for just a moment,

He doesn't say "well, of course not — why would you?", or point out that it's even more proof that this world isn't right for her, his hearts break for her. It's as bad as it gets for Rose - knowing that her mum and dad are happy in this world without her. She's not needed, literally anywhere. And that's when he shifts his tone.

He protects Pete, brings him with them because he knows how much he means to Rose,

but most of all, he reminds her that she's something, she's worth so much more than the lies she's telling herself, the lies he made her believe when he left her behind, that she's important and this world's got it wrong by not having her in it.

All these different worlds, not one of them gets it right.

Ten would go above and beyond to not admit his feelings for Rose — well, that's not true, he wouldn't admit his feelings for Rose to Rose — but ROTC/AOS marks a turning point for him. He got cocky, he took her feelings for granted, he took them for granted, and he nearly paid the price. He's not getting that close again, and, contrary to ROTC, he does declare his love for her from then on. He's unafraid to show it from the Idiot's Lantern onwards — he's terrified, because he knows he's going to lose her — but he lets his guard down because she deserves to know. She deserves to feel wanted, to feel important. He doesn't do that by telling her, he does it by showing her. By believing in her to defeat the devil, by fighting tooth and claw to get her back after her face — she — was stolen, by constantly putting his faith in her to save the day and save him, by telling her she's his hand to hold, she's his home, that, by the time he's giving her the option to live with her dad and be safe with her dad, she's empowered enough for make her own decision about what she really does want. And that's him. His anger in this episode is completely directed towards himself. He's harsh with her, but it's in character, because Ten loathes himself so much that he's just filled with fury and rage. Tentoo's exactly the same, filled with blood and anger. He's not afraid to show it, but he also doesn't really know how to show anything else. He's either giddy and flirtatious, or tearing down his enemies — which is often himself. He doesn't deal with emotions at all, so when he feels things that terrifies him, he gets snappy. He gets impatient, things are rapidly falling out of his control and she he does anything to get them back. Ten/Rose coming from GITF to ROTC is similar to Ten/Rose going from AOS to TIL. By the time 2.07 rolls round, they're madly in love. And it's why I think they spent a little bit of time at the Powell Estate mid-series 2, where he finally calms down and realises she's safe with him, and he takes the time to console her. She's lost Pete, she's lost Mickey, and now that he's not going to lose her, he loves her instead. WOW this one got away from me — not sure I even answered your question?? 😂😂 But I hope you enjoyed either way!

[c-infinity-83]

i'm fine i've just been going insane /lh

had to take more hours at our second job for financial reasons + been doing almost nightly tutoring with my kid brother (the semester just ended for him). very busy but no like emotional turmoil or anything.

today's music rec theme is showtunes! i'm recommending totally fucked from spring awakening for billy, hard to be the bard from something rotten for eddie, never ever getting rid of me from waitress for steve, take it like a man from legally blonde for your jonathan, and all that's known from spring awakening for will+the party. honorary mention to tatoue-moi from mozart l'opera rock, considered recommending it to steve but idk if any of y'all're partial to french music/foreign languages.

also, dr. crane wants poe to listen to the fear song by amanda palmer

VIRTUALLY HUGS YOU !! (IF!! YOU'RE FINE WITH THAT OFC IF NOT THEN. VIRTUALLY SENDS U A HIGH-FIVE /LIGHTHEARTED)

We're!!! So glad y'all are okay jesus we were worried HFJSKDKF but we.,, worry easily. Hashtag Paranoia Things BCJDJD but anyway!! Jesus that sounds like a lot, we hope shit calms down soon!!

Great songs as usual tbh!! We aren't a Musical Fan™ but all of those songs are hella catchy I'll be damned /lighthearted -Billy

our recs:

Every Day is Exactly The Same - Nine Inch Nails (Steve's rec)

ooookay so We May Have Had Another Steve Form. Newer Steve is s1-2 era so we refer to him as Asshole Era Steve (/lighthearted) but ANYWAYS this is moreso his rec than OG!Steve's rec but they both agree that it is A Good Song and also A Relatable One as of late. Everything Always Feels The Goddamn Same All The Fuckening Time Forever! Hell On Earth!! /lh -Billy (neither of em are up front atm so I'm relaying for em)

Thermodynamic Lawyer Esq, G.F.D - Will Wood and the Tapeworms (my rec!)

ok so first off, suicide bait tw riiight at the end of the song, it's like the second to last verse gjsjdjf

Sooooo we love will wood's music but we Especially love the it when his songs are,,, Angry™ HFHSJDJFJ. WE JUST,, LIKE ANGRY MUSIC IDK WHY. Anyways top ten songs that are Full Of Emotion That We Enjoy!! NCNDJ -Billy

Acid King - Malibu Ken (Eddie's rec)

a couple tws for this one too: Major drugs tw and, if you watch the music video, uhh... emeto and body horror/General Gross Shit tws too djiakdjf. Very cool music video, it's all animated, but it's also a bit Detailed™ HFNSJDJ

The song basically goes into the story of the Acid King/"Say You Love Satan" killer, Kasso, so,,, If you already know about that then you already know what's up with the song BFNSKDKD but it is. CATCHY. We love it. Especially the outro!! Like,,, can't explain it but the outro lyrics are Important to me for some reason. -Eddie

Sweet Sweet - The Smashing Pumpkins (Jonathan's rec)

We recently sat down and did our like, Monthly Listen Of Siamese Dream™ so a lotta the album is still stuck in our head,, This song's very short and not a Favourite of ours but something about it struck a chord with me!

Honestly, we'd rec the whole album to y'all (and anyone. and Everyone tbh. it's one of our collective all time favourite albums ever) but we'll just,, do so in bits n pieces for now lmao. But if you do happen to decide to listen to it in full, please tell us what you think!! :D -Jonathan

Get The Lead Out - A Perfect Circle (Will's rec)

Now Will hasn't been fronting much recently (no particular reason, he's doing fine dw) so I'm also relaying for him rn.

I actually… Straight up lost track of where he is the past few days? The headspace is huge as hell though but we can keep in contact easily so I'm not, like. Worried, y'know. But I like mentally asked where he was and he replied with bits of this song (because communicating via music is his thing now it seems /lighthearted) -Jonathan

The Raven - Nevermore Musical (Poe's rec)

The perfect time to recommend a song from a musical it seems!! This song, or poem really, is where I got my name… And form. Well, one of them!

We had a huge Hyperfixation Moment on The Raven innnn uhhhhhh late 2019-early 2020? Twas when I was created and such! This rendition of it though is indeed a favourite of ours! Very emotional and fun to sing along to!! :} -Poe

[daidoruyume]

Chapter 12 Meeting the not so idol-like idols

I'd say I'm quite lucky. I study in a nice university, I have a good job, I live in a pretty good apartment and, oh, don't envy me, but the idol I've been stanning for years, my absolute favorite one, is my girlfriend. Try beating that! I woke up to her voice, since it was my ringtone. Once I checked my phone, I saw there were messages waiting for me.

good morning 🌞

did you sleep well? 😴 

let's have a nice day today too

i can't wait to spend some time with you

and to introduce you to the girls

good morning!!

i did… and you?

im very excited for today…

i still can't believe this

i was a little anxious but i did sleep well eventually 

well, you better believe it

because i will make you the happiest girl in the world

❤️

you're very flirty aren't you

i like that though

hehe

i hope we get the opportunity to flirt a lot

i have practice now 😞 

i'll send you some pictures later

exclusive content you can't have even in the fanclub

when are you free today?

i'll be looking forward to that!!!

i don't have work today so right after lunch

again im very excited

kay

i will have someone pick you up so dw

im excited too 

i have to introduce you as a friend though 

if you dont mind that

it's okay

it's better to be careful

so tge don't know you're gay?

not yet but I'll tell them soon

and then i will introduce you properly

i promise

sure♡

i'll be your #1 supporter

you're the sweetest girl ever

that's why i love you so much

uhhh

gtg :(((((

will be back soon tho

plz never hesitate to send me a message 

i'll be waiting for it

♡♡♡

i won't ♡

i have classes soon 😩 

enjoy your work day♡dont push yourself too hard

you're really good at this support thing

you too

 I went back to my routine and did everything I had to do… with a lot of happiness in my heart.

☆☆☆

  My classmates didn't know, but I was the luckiest girl on Earth. I guess my happiness couldn’t be helped. I tried my best to pay attention to classes, but I Kept thinking about how my day would go. After a few hours, that same car from yesterday brought me to the place Miyuu chose. I was thinking about what to tell that complex-looking woman when she started speaking.

 "You know... Miyuu is a very special girl. I haven't been the best mom ever, but she is the best daughter out there. She is quite annoying at times, and she stands by her youthful and somewhat foolish world peace ideals, but she is extremely sincere. She cries like a baby so often that it just bothers everyone around her, but she can make even a person like me smile. She loves you dearly. I know she would never fall in love with someone that didn't click with her, and with whom she couldn't have a reciprocal relationship, but I have to warn you, Mikami-san." She spoke so beautifully, So I waited for the next pretty words. "If you break her heart, I will find you and break both of your legs." She seemed serious, but washed it off with a laugh. This woman… We arrived, with me being unable to reply. 

 I was sent to the same room as yesterday, and had to wait for a few minutes. Soon, Miyuu entered the room quite softly.  

"Sorry to leave you waiting."

"I-it's okay! H-how have you been?" I was still anxious, it seemed.

"Fine. Practice was tough, though. And you?"

"Also f-fine… I've been waiting for this moment the whole day." I wished Miyuu came closer to me, then I realized I could take those steps myself. So one, two, three steps later, I was closer to her. 

"S-so, c-can I hug you?" For someone that had kissed me twice, that was too cute. I opened my arms, inviting her.

☆☆☆

 We talked for a while, and soon the girls arrived. I had met them before, but only as their idol-selves. And Miyuu warned me, saying they could be a little... too much? The story Miyuu told me she would go by is that we became friends in the infirmary that day, because if she said we just met out of nowhere, they could remember I was a fan. 

 "Miyuukiii~. So, you're introducing her?"

"Y-yeah…" She gave me a sign to introduce myself.

"I'm Mikami Yuuka. You can call me Yuu-chan. I have been a fan for a long time, but Miyuu-san and I were able to become friends…"

"Please be nice to her, she's a really good girl." That made me blush a little…

"Well, Miyuu-kun has friends outside of the group? That's a miracle." Rin said, laughing. "God, you're gonna hate idols after meeting the real me." That scared me a little.

"I'm really happy my sister has a friend! She can be hard to understand sometimes, so be patient." Said Anna.

 They talked to me one by one as if it was my personal MC session. But, when it came to Yume…

"Yumecchi, you're not gonna say anything?"

"Huh! That's a new low for you, she has absolutely no class. The way she dresses, that hairstyle… and going on a diet would be good for you, Mi-something-san." Wait, what…?

"Ugh, d-don't mind her, she's just joking." Miyuu had a troubled face, and Yume had left. 

"She's always like that… Seriously, that girl gets on my nerves. Yuu-chan, you're very welcome to the family and we're so happy you're in her life. Miyuu talked about you ever since the concert, nonstop. Please don't mind Yumeko-san." Keiko said wisely. Her words did hurt me, but I remained strong. I was able to talk freely to the other girls afterwards, and the pain eased.

 Those words, I’ve heard countless times before, from people who claimed to love me and for people who explicitly hated me. But I still had this more pure image of Yume, that was destroyed in a few seconds. I got to learn that their relationship isn’t really good, and that her “chara” of being sometimes curt or mean to the other girls isn’t actually a chara, but she being herself. Again, I felt bad, but the other girls’ kindness compensated for my pain. 

 They are a little different than the idols I knew. Rin is… she is very sincere and straightforward, but half of her vocabulary is swear words or… filthy, indecent stuff. Like, she says it all so fluently. Ayumi is just as shy, but also shines so much when she has the opportunity to talk about her academic life. Keiko really does act like the mom of the group, and is really cute to see. But she also doesn’t restrain herself so much when compared to how she’s onstage. Satomi is more playful, I think they let themselves be more free… Anna is pretty much the same, I’ll admit. Yuzu is a little like Rin, and I swear to God she was hitting on me…? Maybe my confidence skyrocketed because of Miyuu, but she was really flirty and Miyuu got all defensive. It was kind of cute. 

 We had a lot of fun talking, and then we went to the kitchen where Keiko started cooking for us. She said she wanted me to taste her food, and that she was really excited for that. I was really happy. They brought in a guitar and Satomi started playing it, while they sang acoustic versions of their songs. It felt really good to have people I have been following one-sidedly to finally perceive me as a person. The Yume incident aside, I felt very blessed. Happily, we ate the great meal she had cooked us and it felt overall very warm and comforting. 

 One by one they left, only Anna remained there and I assumed they lived with their family. She went to her room and Miyuu took me to hers. It was… very Miyuu-like, I guess. Many anime posters, lots of photos of the girls, very yellow (her favorite color). Her wardrobe, despite being an idol, was very simple, and she told me there were some fabrics she simply couldn’t wear, and that she liked the combo of pants and rock T-shirts. It suited her, I guess. That photo we took remained in a special place, in great view, as soon as you entered the room. The chekis we took in events were also placed in special places in my own home, but I felt like I was too crazy of a fan for her to see, at least for now. I didn’t know if she would be happy or not with how otaku I was when it came to midnight. 

 “So… sorry for that, earlier, she… she has it tough, okay?” Miyuu sat on her bed, and signed me to sit with her.

“S-sorry… I don’t feel really comfortable… sitting down on your bed.” Miyuu blushed, and I did too, so I explained it to her. “I have OCD… I don’t really like sitting on my bed with clothes I went out with, and I would feel bad if I were to sit in yours, even if you don’t mind it.” I felt a little silly…

“T-that’s okay! Uhh, can you sit in this chair here? It’s not that comfortable, though.” 

“I-it’s fine! Thanks… for understanding…” 

“It’s okay… I’ll always understand your don’ts and won’ts. Don’t worry, ‘kay?” She reassured me. “B-but I really want to tell you to not hold a grudge… Yumecchi is hard to understand… I think I came to understand her pretty well, but she’s very uneasy. Time will make you two friends, I promise.” 

“That’s okay… like, it made me upset and all, but… I’ve been through it before. Many people have been like this to me. I’m not new to that.” I replied quite sadly.

“M-me too… and I’ll scold her, and talk her through it… but… I shouldn’t tell anyone this, but she grew up with a very abusive mother… so much so that she blames her for all of the bad things that have happened with her, so it’s not a surprise she would turn out like this. She doesn’t really know kind words and love.” Miyuu was a very empathic person…

“I will do my best to not think bad things about her. But I want you to tell her she crossed the line, those aren’t things you tell people. Especially if this person has always wished for your best.”

“O-of course.” Miyuu held my hands and gave me a little smile. “I’ll… I’ll always protect you, Yuu-chan…” That made me really, really happy. “T-there’s something I want to give you.”

“S-sure… what is it?”

“Close your eyes?” I did, and in a matter of seconds, I felt Miyuu’s soft lips melt into mine. “S-sorry, it’s not the kiss… you just looked so cute, I couldn’t contain myself.” Oh, Miyuu… I giggled and waited for what she had for me. “S-see, I’m an artist, right? I have this… please don’t find it creepy or anything like that.” She placed something in my hands, and then I opened my eyes. It was a purple wooden box, very decorated. I opened it, and there were many drawings of me. 

“Oh…”

“I-it’s okay if you don't like it… I just have been drawing you over the years, and I kept it here, a-and… wait, don’t cry!” I didn’t realize I was crying until she said that… it was really, so pretty… I felt so loved… I hurried up and gave her a hug. 

“It’s the cutest thing anyone has ever done to me… and you’re so skilled, Micchan…” 

“You think so?”

“Yeah…” She hugged me back. “Can we stay like this for a while?”

“I was going to ask you that, actually…” I could smell her sweet, delicate scent… she was also a great hugger, I was so happy. I wondered what she thought of me. Seemed to be only good things, from how tight she kept me into her arms. “Yuu-chan…” She called for me, her voice muffled by my shoulder. 

“Y-yes?”

“Can I kiss you?”

“You don’t… you don’t have to ask for it. You can just kiss me anytime.” I tried to be more assertive.

“R-right.” Her face grew closer to mine, and I closed my eyes, anticipating the kiss. It felt like I was in the embrace of an angel… w-well, not that you should be kissing angels anyways, but Miyuu had this… aura, something I couldn’t come up with words for. Something only she had… For the first time, her tongue entered my mouth. I was caught by surprise, but I understood Miyuu was a very passionate person, not just when it came to performing. I let her have her way with me, like it felt it would be a waste to do otherwise. She slowly but quite boldly pinned me to the wall, and her kiss was even more intense than before. I felt like I was melting into her, and I was surely running out of breath. She stopped for a moment and that gave me the opportunity to breathe, but when I thought it was over, our lips met again... It felt magical, and maybe I was a little scared too, but it was a good experience overall. 

 Miyuu had a strong grip on my body, as if she was claiming me. I couldn’t help but feel like my soul was about to be separated from my body… I loved her so much, I had wished for this to come true for so long… and I had her, right there… she was a little rough, although gentle at the same time, if… if that made any sense. I felt like my brain cells were giving in. She parted our lips again, and looked at me with an expression I have never seen before.

“S-sorry for being so… impulsive…”

“I-it’s okay.” I didn’t mind my own words, still quite numb from the sensations of our kissing, so I said: “I’ve fantasized about this for so long anyways”, without realizing those words had actually left my mouth. Instant regret. Miyuu opened her eyes and stared at me for a few seconds.

“You have?”

“W-well, I…” Would I ever have the courage to tell her I even wrote fanfictions of us two? Wasn’t that, like, too much? I felt like a loser and this time my soul had definitely left my body! “P-please forget that…” 

“I don’t want to rush… but whenever I’m with you, my brain doesn’t really work!” She confessed. “I wish I could be with you 24/7.” So that’s the effects of being separated for so long, huh?

“Me too… but I don’t think that kissing me like this is rushing… I think it’s okay.” Maybe I was wrong, maybe I was too in love to think straight. But we both wanted it, right?

“R-really?” 

“Y-yeah!” Before I could say anything else, Miyuu kissed me again… it was quite late when I got home, but I guess it was worth it… Miyuu was very talented, after all, so her being a great kisser wasn’t a surprise at all. She was just perfect in every way. And she was my girlfriend… I squirmed in bed, thinking of that, before I could fall asleep. Needless to say, we met in our dreams again…

 End of Part I.

[neverbeforeandneversince]

hi again!!!! i just checked your message for me this morning - i did send an ask in on tuesday but it seems that tumblr ate it up :((( i'm so sorry about that!!! i'll send it again since i type it out on another platform before copying + pasting here haha. please don't apologise for tumblr's mistakes!! it happens to everyone. i'll just send two from now on (just in case) and u can delete the other if u see it ♡

it's totally ok btw!!! take all the time u need. i've been so lax with replying to my own secret santa just because this month has been so hectic 😭 so don't worry about it!!!! ENJOY GIFFING WITH THE UPSCALED VERSIONS BFF, THEY'RE SO FUN!! i never asked what your favorite music video from the older music videos are so - what are they?

i did finally catch up with friends on thursday!! it's been 3 months since i saw them so it was very emotional and fun, feels like no time passed between everything 🥺 we did christmas shopping yes!! i bought them things they don't even know they're the recipients for haha. what are you thinking for your parents now that you know what you're getting?

that's so cool!! i love rings too omg. i want to get more into astrology to understand the placements of crystals and dw, it's not weird!! it sounds like a lot of fun :D those all sound like wonderful christmas gifts, i hope someone close to you gets them for you love!! u deserve it 💚❤️ when's your birthday?

ahhh i see!!! i know it by dirty santa haha. that sounds like so much fun, and that gift seems so funny JSJSJ 🤣. i'm glad you had fun!! r u having a little more time off now that christmas is closer? also, if i'm correct everyone brings a gift and you all swap it, right? what did you get for everyone?

my weekend was fine, and my week was great too!! 😊 that sounds like a lovely sunday <3 how was your week bestie?? did u do anything special :D

again, so sorry tumblr swallowed the ask!! i'll send this again one more time, in case. thanks for letting me know it did happen, you're amazing 🥰

- ☃

hiiii 🤶🏼🎄 I’m sorry for just now responding! it’s been so busy. But I got to see my dad today which was really nice. We had lunch together!

you know… I’m glad you said that. One one hand I love the cozy feel of holidays, but on the other… it’s so hectic! like personally work gets crazy until just a few days prior to Christmas. and by that time, it’s hard to enjoy the season. ugh I wish it want that way.

As far as older Taylor music video, they’re some of my favorites! Like tim McGraw, our song, WANEGBT, and Love Story come to mind for sure! How about you?!

ahhh I’m so happy you got to catch up with friends. That’s amazing! aww they’re going to be so happy to open their gifts 🎁

you are right about the dirty Santa game! Lol I got people a set of bamboo utensils, chopsticks, and a straw and straw cleaner! 😂 surprisingly it was highly liked!

my bday is June 14th! how about yours?!

I think I’m done Christmas shopping except I’m still struggling for my dad. but I know he would be happy if I just spent time with him and didn’t get him anything else.

also omg you’re totally fine ❤️❤️ I just wanted you to know I was not ignoring you!!

[kyunsies]

Hello hello Mädch!!

Dw once a week sounds awesome, what ever fits with you and makes you feel comfortable and happy! I'm going to see if I can make my reply a tiny bit shorter as well so that it's easier for you. Tell me more about your rotations! How did they go? Did they go well? I really hope they did.

When you get this you're probably working really hard for your first exam. I am sure that you will do super well and I'm sending all the positive luck and vibes and energy that I could possibly possibly send to you!! Make sure you take care of yourself and eat and hydrate too <3 <3 I'm a Scorpio! Oh my goodness me, I can't believe that you are a Sagittarius! Two of my best friends are Sagittariuses as well, I just seem to get on super super well with Sagittariuses haha :D so our friendship was clearly meant to be. . I used to be a lot more uptight about achieving things and worrying about every little thing, but I have taken the whole 'things will happen' attitude because I realised it was giving me way too much anxiety otherwise? I don't know, if not I find I end up overthinking. But we are starsign neighbours! Are you an early Sagittarius or Sagittarius? Is that the right term? I'm not sure... Like, a November Sagittarius or a December Sagittarius?

Thank you very much for the recommendation, I love what you suggested. My coworker and me actually work on different sides of the Atlantic, so I think I might ask for us to have just a nice sit down phone call? Just something that is more chill and less business like to be able to just connect more? I'm so sorry you've had to deal with the same though. Must be even harder in hospital where, I don't know, I always have the idea that everyone working in hospitals I lovely and generous and kind because they work with people, but I'm sure it's not like that in real life and people clash like in any other workplace...

Oh my goodness me, thank you so much for telling me more about post up care and all your assurances. I'm not going to lie, I feel so much more comforted. I think I might have to go under anaesthetic for the operation, but some one told me the other day that one out of 600,000 people that go under general anaesthetic die? Which I know is theoretically a very small amount of people, but it still freaked me out a little bit? You must get this all the time though, and you're just like, it's okay, chill out, it's totally fine! You're too patient <3 <3

Laundry at 8 am! You are so so proactive. Omg :D I'm still sitting in bed sending emails, I can't imagine doing laundry. Thank you for being so nice, I've been questioning my leadership a lot these past few days, I'm not gonna lie. I'm sure everyone has doubts at some point, but I always just worry about doing the best for everyone. But I hold you in very high esteem, so it's very kind and sweet that you don't see me as a swan that is desperately trying to paddle ha ha ha ha XD I feel like a swan in that way. If you could be a bird, what bird would you be?

I get what you mean about just handling pressure! I think it's good you have these high expectations for yourself, it means that you always do well no matter what do you do. But I hope that you don't feel like you have to live up to other peoples expectations, or that you don't we need to compare yourself to them. But I get with you completely. I saw the same when it comes to expectations but I hope that your mate at the end of the day you have all the confidence in your power too! And confidence and who you are I will always change and grow on shift, you know?

Like, when I first started uni I feel like I knew what confidence was and I thought it meant all this bravado that I saw from people around me that I thought were more successful, but I really learnt that wasn't the case and then in my line of work I thought it meant being on screens all the time or on social media all the time and having lots of followers, but I had to learn that that really wasn't the way too. I know that sounds so dumb and obvious, but I always find I need to experience things to really disprove them, like an experiment kind of thing? Oh my gosh, this is long but basically what I mean is that being who you want to be is the most important thing and I am rooting for your ascension! Oh my gosh, that sounds like some strange ritual thing XD you know what I mean haha...

Good to hear that my assumptions about East versus West Coast but right! What you were saying about midwest people is so interesting though - it's nice that people see you as nice though, that's at least it's nice and sweet stereotype? I agree with you, I wouldn't want to bring up my kids in California - I had no idea they had the stuck up stereotype! I would've thought that was more New York City! The celery juice does nothing for you had me rolling oh my gosh, I have no idea good drink celery juice in the first place… That sounds so gross? Tbf all my friends that have moved to LA for work always eventually say that it's a horrible place to live, and that they wouldn't want to stay there permanently. Do you like your hometown? Is it a nice place?

I am still living for this bluebell perfume! I am really excited to get a new Joe Malone at some point. I was going to ask your coffee by it last week, but I'm biding my time? There are some nice basil and citrus ones too I'm considering? The perfumes are just so beautiful! It had been ages since I've been into a shop, you know when you walk into somewhere and then scents and stuff just remind you of memories? It was like that - scent hug haha XD

OMG OK WE VIBING I would be down to being engaged right now, but like, if it felt super right? My mum has been the same as your mum when it comes to relationships, so I never felt the need to have to have a partner, but it is that comfort of having your person right? Yes! I wish this soon for both of us too! In a healthy, good positive manifestation kind of way <3 <3 but you will always have me of course as well!

Thank you so much for sharing these photos with me. I so so love the floral vibe that you have going, it's so so pretty. It's kind of like a mini mystical fairy land? Especially with all the wooden furniture. You have a good eye for interior decorating!! How much of the furniture is yours? It looks cold out your window. Is it cold there? You have the sunniest smile! I'm glad you and your family are doing well and yes yes yes, do keep updating me with how your clinicals are going, I hope you feel like you're slowly on the way to achieving your dreams as you do them! Also, I feel like I keep sharing my weird stories, so it is nice to hear your stories always, as you can share anything with me no matter what it is!

Take care, good luck for Tuesday, and I hope everything goes exactly as you wish this week! Thinking of you always, rooting for you!

Love you lots and lots - 💥

hello angel !!!!! again, thank yo always for being patient :( i told myself that i would answer this ask throughout the week, but honestly just didn't have a good week mentally so i just wanted to wait until a good time to answer :/ but hopefully you'll be able to see this soon bub, thank you for ur patience <3

also i don’t want u to feel like u have to shorten your asks okay?? ;_____; i didn’t mean for it to come off that way if i did last week bub, i’m sorry!!! i love hearing from you and i appreciate the long asks bc ultimately that means u care about our time spent together and that means a lot to me :( so make them as long as you wish !!!!! so first and foremost, my exam! it went well :) i got an 88% and i know that’s obviously not my best, but getting a good grade on the first exam of the year is always a good feeling, right? so i was happy!! i have another exam this upcoming Wednesday, which im really nervous for LMAO i started studying for it yesterday :’) and OH GOD u are a scorpio huh??? i don’t have a lot of female scorpio’s in my life, however my older cousin is and she’s quite,,,,,,,,,well, let’s just say my whole life i’ve wanted to be like her but she kinda looks down on me? idk, i just felt like i put her up on a pedestal my whole life and she didn’t really give me the same type of feeling (which is fine lol) we don’t talk much anymore ;_____; but you are the polar opposite from her??????? since i compare all scorpios to my cousin i’m scared of all of them HHH but i’m glad u have totally demolished my fear of scorpios :’) u are an absolute sweetheart <3 and you have a lot of sag friends it seems !!!! :D that’s so awesome to hear, and now i’m one of them ??? gosh <3 and !!!! i’m a early sag!! my birthday is december 4th !!! but the weird thing is, i was born 2 month premature, so idk if i really am a sag ya know? i basically took my destined starsign and said “f u” i’m popping out early LSDKJF so it’s all so confusing isn’t it??

also about the coworker, were u able to set up something with them? have any of the conflicts been able to resolve at work? i know it was kind of a silly suggestion, but its just sometimes the work setting either makes ppl thrive or brings the worst out of them you know? my aunt works in management at a really big pharmaceutical company here in the states, and i can tell you she is another kind of stressed when she’s in the work setting, but she’s one of the sweetest ppl you’ll ever meet outside of work !!!! i think the stressful part of communication comes out of the equation when u talk with them outside work :’) i hope all goes well hun !!!! as for the hospital setting OH GOD lol no, we are not all sweet and generous unfortunately :’) esp with the older  nurses, not all o them but a lot have this superiority complex against new grads, and now that theres a nursing shortage due to covid new grad nurses are coming into these hospitals with huge sign on bonuses that the older nurses don’t have. i can see there being an increased hostility in the nursing field soon ;_____; and don’t even get my started on physicians’ assistants ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, they hate nurses ;______; 

and oh my gosh babe pls don’t worry about the statistics about the anesthesia okay ??? you are a young and healthy individual, key word YOUNG !!! we worry about elderly patients going under anesthesia but pls bub, they’ll take care of you in there, these ppl have been doing this for such a long time it’s second nature to them okay? the nurses will tell u how to take care of everything after it’s all done, your dr will be there for you, everything will be great <3 

it’s currently 935am right now and my stuff is in the dryer LOL the reason why i do my laundry so early here is bc in my dorm there are only 3 washers and 2 dryers so i want to just get my stuff done early before someone hogs the machines for the entire day (which it happens!) lol but otherwise i probably wouldn’t start until like 10am or so :’) also LSKDFJ i feel like if i were a bird i’d be a freaking hummingbird with a heart rate of 0394823094 beats per minute all the damn time,,,,,,,,,, and ;_____; ah love that makes me really sad that u doubt yourself :( like i said before i think managing ppl and being in the leadership role is so stressful, but the fact that you just want everyone to be taken care of and flourishing, i already know you care about ur work a lot and that just validates that you are wonderful at what you do! you put things into perspective for everyone, for the GOOD of everyone and i think this is a great quality <3 the more you care, i think the more you’ll find ways to dig yourself out of these hard times bc of the fact u care so deeply, does that make sense? 

and about dealing with pressure !!!!yeah ,,,,, like i think you and i are similar in the fact that we just deal with it right ?? like given we have a lot of things to worry about, yeah it’s really stressful and overwhelming but like, it HAS to be done right? like so many students will complain about the workload they have (i do too lol) but like, what are u going to do about it you know? you can’t NOT do it,,,,,you just have to plow thru it ,,,,,,, and like i know my previous roommate would cry about stuff like that but it’s just like we can’t really do anything about stress besides go thru it there’s no going around it, ya know? lol but also WAIT I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY like having to experience “hardships???” to like, fully get the beef of them ,,,, idk how to say it but i know exactly what you mean !!!! MY ASCENSION SLDKFS D PLS ......you’re making me sound like an angel hhhh if u feel that way about me THANK YOU <3 hehe 

LOL but yeah me comparing the east and the west coast again was a very large generalization as well but bc i’ve lived here all my life it’s a bit true :’) New York i would say is definitely like, work hard hard hard and when u see ppl walking around going to work in this big city 24/7 it motivates you to work harder, and i’m not saying like stalk brokers or anything !!!!! new york the ppl work extremely hard (restaurant businesses, the police department, small mom and pop shops) everyone is working so hard , it’s something i adore about the east coast PLUS the architecture is super quaint ,,,,,, it’s called new england style and everything is brick and old and just so lovely <3 and not to say everyone from the west are mean or anything LOL like i said a lot of states out west are actually ranches and farms but its just like California and washington state/oregon where you have more lively city stuff :’) i just hate LA with the biggest passion lol but the rest of cali is beautiful and chill, it’s just LA life seems so artificial :’)

THE BLUEBELL PERFUME is still one of the small things that makes me happy to put on everyday , it’s so lovely and i don't know why i was so drawn to it ;_____; i smelled everything and i thought i would love the basil +citrus ones but alas, bluebell won my heart and i think it’ll be my signature perfume now lol i never want to part with it :( i really suggest getting it if you feel like it’s the one :(((( and SKLDFJ yeah !!!!!!! WOULD LOVE TO BE ENGAGED !!!!!!!!! i just want the comfort of knowing someone loves me besides my friends and family LDKFJ like ,,,,,,,,, i’ve never had a love interest in my entire life HELL i’ve never even kissed anyone before and i just like , want to experience all of my firsts with someone :( i sound like a child but i’m nearly 23 and haven’t even freaking kissed anyone how lame is that <3 nsfw but honestly some days i’m just like ya know what i’m just gonna go on a dating app and beg for someone to take my virginity LKSJFLSFJ but then i’m like NO NO that’s not how u want it to go you want to have someone take care of you and you want to feel comfortable and have fun doing all of these things so i think my safest bet is to just ,,,,,,, hopefully find a bf first <3 ITS A WHOLE THING HUN but basically yes we both need to manifest engagement when we’re ready <3 lol 

LASTLY thank you so much for liking my room hun !!!!! it’s nothing special and it’s a shoebox for a room but it’s okay :’) all of the things are mind besides the desk and the bed frame !!!! so the mattress and duvets are mine, that black dresser thingy by my bed is mine (i get all my stuff from ikea lol) !!!!! as for my clinical rotations, they’ve been okay !!!!! it’s been nice doing home health actually not bc of the patents per se LMAO but all of my nurses have been so sweet <3 on friday our last patient was from Puerto Rico and we were not told this so we had to try and communicate with them with a translator on the phone but he was only available for a short amount of time so we had to figure out the rest ;_____; they were so sweet but my spanish skills are next to none other than a few words so it was difficult lol but we got thru okay :) also on thrusday we saw an elderly women who had just gotten back from the hospital the day before but she was like, gasping for breaths i felt so terrible :( while i was getting her vital signs (blood pressure, temp, pulse ox) her pulse ox (the thing we put on your finger) read in the low 70s which is so terrible (should be 92% or higher) (basically this reading shows us how many hemoglobin molecules are on a red blood cell, so how oxygenated you are) and obviously she wasn’t so good bc she had COPD and was having such a hard time breathing so i told my results to my nurse and she told me to listen to her lung sounds and i heard crackles (telltale signs of fluid buildup in the lungs) and we had to admit her to the hospital again :( i felt so bad bc she had just been released but we didn’t want her suffering at home anymore :( but other than that everything else has been fine so far hun :’) 

i again thank you much for being super patient with me and i hope to hear from you soon this week okay? love you to the moon and back a million times <3