#zero media literacy and zero desire to learn and zero understanding of how depressing that is — check | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

andtheirmoonlight · 23 days ago

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‘I'm so sorry for what happened to you!’ says a part of what happened to me.

‘I'm so sorry for what those people did to you!’ — you’re not ‘those people’, you are you, and you're doing the ‘what’ right now.

‘Omg people can be so horrible!’ — yes, you can be, and so lacking in self-awareness.

When you were trained to think of everything in black and white, you start seeing yourself as a ‘good person’ and start believing that everything you as a ‘good person’ do or have the potential to do is always good, and that you are never the villain. But humans do not work that way.

#atmposts #tbh by this point I think I deserve a medal for every instance of me being polite #and keeping my composure with them.#they never ever see/realize. they are surrounded by so many cameras that they lost the capacity to look into a mirror. much less inside.#This particular one was a double BINGO!#thinking that 'personal' only ever pertains to 'romantic relationships' and sex acts — check #the casual mentioning of imaginary lovers in order to 'impress' because to them everything is about social comparison — check #“Buddy's only crime was thinking we are cool!!!” XD — check. “Maybe a bit less sugar next time.” — check. Untreated — check.#capitalistic self-deprecation paired with 'here's how I could get better but I'm not self-aware enough to notice my own words' — check #BINGING a subtext-heavy reference-heavy source and never getting Curious — check.#astonished that visceral non-posturing art felt gripping and was a gut punch when all she usually “reads”(consumes) is slop content — check #believing that I would be flattered when what I actually got was a ruined day and more existential horror — check #rushing to note that there's nothing wrong with slop content while not understanding the source of that teensy aching guilt — check #me knowing for certain that it's another one of the 'you inspired me! (to do a shitty facsimile)' hallucinator of 'wriTeR spAceS' — check #FOMO-begging for something private when the public goodie “the same but in x3 better English” is right there — check #saying “I don't read” to [a professional who suffered burnout and subsequent suicidality because people don't read] — check #zero media literacy and zero desire to learn and zero understanding of how depressing that is — check #commodification of a human — MEGA CHECK-A-ROO-NIE WOOOOO!#me feeling despair and wanting to die upon reading — check. If I was alone I'd be long dead tbh time to face it.#This was another instance of me being “so polite it scares me” and wishing I was an ape and not self-conscious #well at least I've learned to be polite to these walking despair-inducers? right?#and pointedly say the right things to each so they wouldn't bother me again? right?#even though a lot of these things aren't what I actually want to say? ... siiiiiiiigh #Maybe I should give up and stop hoping that another friend would ever come along #and then just fully crawl into a desk drawer so to speak.#Recently a new friend did come along so I guess I need to try and hold on to that #but it's so damn hard and is starting to feel futile.

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